Author's Notes: So Sakura finally remembered…But now it's Syaoran who's in bad shape! Are you getting tired of the endless twists and turns of this story? *smiles sympathetically* I know, I know…But I swear it can't be done in any other way!
However, for all of you with brave hearts, your reward is coming soon…very soon, in fact! In this chapter you'll find many explanations to confusing Part 16, and next chapter...Oh, I can promise wonders for Part Twenty! But I want to create some suspense, so I'll shut up for now…

Thanks to all of my reviewers! Luv you guys!

"I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us: When the Truth Breaks the Silence"

Part Nineteen: "Dreadful Theory"

By cherry blossom

Tomoyo and Eriol sat in a tense silence, only interrupted by the beeping sounds of the machines hooked up to Syaoran's body. Eriol didn't dare voice his thoughts to the raven haired beauty beside him, not until he had a plan to work out the issues. What he didn't know, was that she had reached pretty much the same conclusion. Not by a series of deductions as he had, perhaps, but she somehow knew that all her efforts were in vain. It all came down to Sakura again…

Suddenly, both Eriol and Tomoyo's thoughts were interrupted by faint noises that seemed to be getting nearer. Tomoyo strained her ears to hear. Yes, there was some kind of a fight somewhere in the hospital... She could hear a bit of screaming, but couldn't figure out what they were saying yet. Not that it mattered, but it would be nice to take her mind off all trouble for a while…

She looked at Eriol, expecting him to shrug in return, but he seemed more than keen on listening to the fight outside. In fact, Tomoyo thought she saw shocked recognition in his eyes…

As the sound came closer, she recognized a few words:

"…very delicate state! You are not to enter unless-" a man's voice was saying loudly. Tomoyo gasped as she recognized Carter's voice in it.

"I don't care! Let me through!" a feminine voice replied angrily. There was a bit of struggling noise and a loud metallic crash. Tomoyo heard a muffled cry.

"…hey, what the-"

"Out of my way!"

More movement and loud steps heading their way. It appeared the woman had managed to get through somehow –  Wait, their way? It did sound like someone was approaching their very room! But who could it be, unless…Tomoyo gasped. Did she dare hope? She stole a glance at Eriol, who appeared to be following the same lines of thoughts…except he was a step ahead, for his faced cracked into a surprised grin a second before the door opened...

…revealing a very frustrated Sakura. She was out of breath and looking exhausted. However, her expression changed as soon as she met Tomoyo's eyes. The girl's green eyes blurred and filled with guilt, shame, sadness, fear…she closed her hands together in that gesture that was so like her. Tomoyo's heart lifted. She was finally seeing recognizing her best friend in the woman before her...

"What day is it?" Sakura suddenly blurted out. She kept twisting her hands tensely.

"Sakura-chan?" asked Tomoyo concerned. What kind of question was that?

"Just tell me!" begged Sakura miserably.

"Friday, Sakura," replied Eriol before Tomoyo could question her friend.

"Friday…" repeated Sakura in faint dismay. She clamped her hand over her mouth and started shaking her head frantically. Tomoyo was about to jump at her and ask her the million questions that were on her mind, but Sakura snapped out of it by herself when she caught sight of Syaoran. She gasped painfully and swept by his bed, her eyes filling with tears.

"Syaoran-kun…" she whispered, terrified. Tomoyo noticed how her friend had stopped twisting her hands, one of them which was slowly and timidly approaching Syaoran's sleeping form. Tomoyo craved to see what would happen when their skins finally touched…it seemed such a big deal…
Unfortunately, the door of the room flew open the very second Sakura was about to reach the Chinese man's form. The Card captor withdrew her hand immediately, and Tomoyo sighed. She looked towards the door.

There stood a very angry looking Carter indeed, and Tomoyo forgot everything related to her own problems when she caught sight of him. She'd never expected Carter to have that side…it had seemed virtually impossible to her that the man could ever loose his temper. But there he was, radiating fury through every pore of his body.

"I don't know who you are, but this is a patient in a critical state and you could make him even worse-" he began angrily, prepared to escort her out of the room immediately. It turned out there was no need at all.

"Even worse…" she echoed miserably. "Yes indeed, I've hurt him enough already…" Without further words, she exited the room in an unintentionally dramatic way. Carter's anger faded, and an unmistakable look of bewilderment took over his features.

"What the…?" he murmured unintelligibly, and turned towards Eriol and Tomoyo. The British man took hold of the situation at once.

"No…it's ok," he said, dismissing any negative thoughts the doctor might have about Sakura. "She may actually be the one to help once she has calmed down…like you said before…" Eriol let his voice trail off, hoping very much the other man would get the message and avoid further questioning. Carter opened and closed his mouth a number of times without articulating a single word. He slightly resembled a fish in water.

After a few moments of silence, the doctor nodded slowly. "I don't really know why I'm trusting your judgment, but if you really think it'll help Li…" he left the sentence unfinished, but the meaning was clear. Eriol bowed slightly in agreement, and Carter exited the room, murmuring incoherent words to himself.

Eriol turned to Tomoyo and took her hand. "Let's go find Sakura," he said, leading her towards the door. "Perhaps we'll be able to sort this out finally."

***

Sakura sat by herself in the waiting room. Even though she was surrounded by sick, tired or sad-looking people, Tomoyo immediately caught sight of her. The young woman stood out in her misery. Her eyes were shinning with unshed tears and she was rocking backwards and forwards slightly. The couple approached her.

"Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo asked softly, but her friend didn't look up. She shot a worried look at Eriol. He nodded and kneeled down in front of her, gently placing a hand over her shoulder.

"Come on, little Sakura," he said caringly, referring to her as he used to do when they were kids. "You know we need to talk."

The auburn haired girl let out a shaky breath. She faced Eriol and nodded sadly.

"I know" she whispered.

"We should go somewhere quieter," chimed in Tomoyo, not wanting to be left out. She felt a bit hurt that Sakura would listen to Eriol and not to her. As if on cue, Sakura leapt out of her seat and hugged Tomoyo.

"I've treated you horribly," she murmured in Tomoyo's ear, her tears evident in her voice. "I'm so sorry…"

Tomoyo rubbed her back soothingly. Stop thinking about your own feelings! It's Sakura who needs help here…, she instructed herself. Just then Sakura let go of her, and gave Eriol a hug too.

"I can't express the size of my regret…I just…you guys are too good to me…" Sakura mumbled, holding her head in her hands.

"What's past is past," Eriol said wisely. "We ought to concentrate on what we're going to do next."

"Yes…" echoed Sakura. "Yes, let's get out of here for a while."

***

They didn't get very far, though. Sakura insisted they stayed as near to the hospital as possible. So they decided to settle down on a street bench that was a block away from where Syaoran was.

Sakura allowed her eyes to wander through the scenery around her. There wasn't a single trace of the storm she remembered so vividly. Stars dotted the clear blue sky, and a pleasant breeze was blowing.

"Tell us the last few things you remember before you came to hospital, Sakura" Eriol said suddenly. Sakura did noting but breathe for a few moments before she began speaking. The terrible memories were still swirling confusingly in her mind.

"That afternoon…" she began softly avoiding their looks. "It was still raining when I passed out. When I woke up, Syaoran was at my side. He said he had found me on the bathroom floor, and began on how he was worried about me…" Sakura winced as she said those words, as if the very memory of it caused her great pain.

"I don't know what happened. I said horrible things. And then he just…he said goodbye…just like I did before I left him…" she continued, but her voice got caught in her throat as she started crying softly. Tomoyo put an arm around her in support.

"Just like you had done?" pried Eriol. "Did he say the exact same words?"

Tomoyo shot him an I-don't-think-your-being-too-sensitive kind of look. Eriol dismissed her actions, and raised his eyebrows at Sakura.

"Well?" he repeated. The girl looked doubtful for a moment, but then her face resolved into a determined expression.

"Yes," she answered. "The exact same ones."

Eriol nodded. "What happened next?"

The Card Captor frowned. "I'm not quite sure. I had the strangest dream…or at least I think it was one. It seemed so real…" she said truthfully.

Eriol nodded again. "What was it about?"

"Well, at first I was soaring through the sky…It was such a beautiful night there…much like this one…"she began, but Eriol interrupted her.

"Were you alone? How did you feel?" he asked.

"Yes, I was. And I felt great at first, but then…" she paused, hoping Eriol would ask her something else and she wouldn't have to continue yet. The man, however, remained silent. She bit her lip nervously.

"Well, there was this strange hole right in the middle of the sky. It attracted my attention because there was a cry that seemed to be coming from it…Anyway, I approached and took a look inside. It felt like looking through a gap in the ceiling of my own bedroom…"

"Are you sure it was your bedroom? Could it be just a similar one?" The British man interrupted again.

"Yes, I'm positive it was mine. In fact, I saw myself in it,"

Realization dawned on Eriol's face for a brief moment. Sakura wanted to ask what he thought, but Eriol shook his head and urged her to continue.

"Well my other self was crying…she was holding onto something too. I heard her tell herself that she'd have to do something…she seemed so miserable…" Sakura said softly, as she reflected on it for a few moments. She sighed. "Then she just left the room."

"Did you get a chance to see what she was holding?"

Sakura lowered her eyes. Experiencing it had been horrible, but relieving it when she was conscious of all her horrible actions was so much worse…

"What was it?"

Sakura sighed, knowing Eriol wasn't going to stop questioning her.

"It was the teddy bear he gave me…you know when we were younger…" she let her voice trail off, dangerously on the verge of tears again. The guilt inside her felt like a continuous stabbing in her heart. How could things be so wrong…?

"What then?"

"I remembered…I remembered everything…"

"How well did you remember it then? And what about now?" Eriol inquired, his tone merciless. Sakura wished he'd just leave her alone. With every word she spoke the pain intensified, and she didn't know how much longer she could take it.
The blue eyed man seemed to notice, and changed his tone into a gentler one.

"I know this is hard, little Sakura," he said softly. "But I need to know exactly what happened so that I can understand what's going on."

Sakura nodded. She knew he meant well, but still… She cleared her throat.

"I think I remembered everything perfectly then, but now…I remember some things very vividly, but some parts are missing…"

"Which parts?"

"When…when h-he…while I was missing!" she blurted out, and started hyperventilating. Tomoyo immediately began whispering soothing words to her, trying to get her to calm down.

Meanwhile, Eriol had gotten up and was pacing up and down the street, murmuring to himself like a madman. Tomoyo's eyes followed his figure, and after a minute she spoke.

"Stop doing that! It makes me nervous…" she complained. Sakura was crying softy on her shoulder.

"Sorry. But I think I finally got it!" he exclaimed, sitting down beside her. They waited for Sakura to calm down a bit, and then he proceeded to explain his conclusions.

"Sakura, that vision you had was no ordinary dream… It was something you own mind tricked you into seeing," Eriol began slowly. Sakura frowned.

"What do you mean?" she asked, puzzled.

"Well, as you must have realized, every time you were on the verge of remembering, something interrupted those trails of thoughts. I'll assume you've been experiencing plenty of headaches and have passed out more than you've told us…" Eriol said expertly. There was a ghost of that smirk that characterized him so well. Sakura's heart lifted the tiniest bit. If she could see some normality at least in Eriol, it meant things hadn't gone entirely out of reach.

"Yes…but how do you know that?"

"Imagine a small compartment in your brain. Those memories were locked there, wanting to come out, but there's been something inside you that has been preventing them to do so."

"S-something inside me?" Sakura felt sick. What was wrong with her?

"I can't really explain that…" Eriol admitted, but his voice was determined. "The point is, however, that little things have been triggering your memory, but it has been overwhelming you so much that you fainted every time you were on the verge of remembering. So your own mind created those visions, for you to see once you had already blacked out, so that there was no avoiding them…"

Sakura blinked to hold back the tears that continued to form in her eyes. She had no right to cry…even if she had been controlled somehow, it was all because of her own weakness…

"I don't understand Eriol…" she whispered painfully. "What's wrong with me? And why can't I remember…well, everything?"

The man she had addressed lowered his eyes. He did have an idea on why some memories had not been recovered yet, but it wasn't a nice one…

"Please, Eriol…" pleaded Sakura.

He hesitated.

"We can't keep lying to each other or to ourselves. I need to know…" the emerald eyed girl insisted.

Eriol nodded sadly. "The only thing I can think of is…" he chewed on his lip nervously before continuing. "Well the reason you couldn't remember things was because they were too painful memories, as you now know…My guess is that whatever parts are missing are even harsher ones…so traumatic it'll take a lot more time to figure out…"

Sakura clamped her hand over her mouth once again to stifle a cry, not bothering with the tears that were running freely down her cheeks. A few minutes passed in silence, before she turned to Eriol once again, and whispered in a terrified tone.

"What did they do to me?"

"I don't know, little Sakura," he replied truthfully. "I really don't"