Author's Notes: My finals are finally over! In case you're interested I did really well… (I got a 90 on that Law one that had me worried). Summer's here and I don't have a care in the world until March…when I will start my last year at high school…god, I'm so depressed!

Well, before you read this chapter, I feel like I must warn you that it may be a bit confusing at first. You see, the conversation may be hard to follow because it presents many things that slowly come together in the end. Much like everything I've written, but well…Just thought I should say it.

Another important thing about this chapter is that I wrote most of it to the heartbreaking rhythm of Mark Snow's "Scully's Theme". More than 5 minutes of a pure piano, this is the saddest and most beautiful song you'll ever know. Download it.

A few messages:

starquestor: You got it right ;) I was sooo hoping a sharp minded x-phile would notice it! The final sentence is indeed Scully's, I just though it fitted so well…I only realized I had forgot to clarify that after I posted. I never write disclaimers, you see. Waste of time. But I don't want to take credit for something that isn't mine. So yeah, last sentence in final chapter does not belong to me. It rightfully belongs to the scriptwriters of the incredible, amazing, fabulous show, "The X-Files".

Anime Queen: Right on track, as usual. More explanations to come in future chapters, though I think this one may enlighten you a bit.

Thanks a lot for your support both with the fanfic and with my finals! A special apology to Laura for taking so long.

One more thing, you guys. If you are not a registered member of ff.net, leave your e-mail and I promise I'll mail you when I post new things.

Enjoy!

"I'll Say Goodbye for the Two of Us: When the Truth Breaks the Silence"

Part Twenty-Four: "Shattered Lies"

By cherry blossom

Syaoran's POV

At first, I didn't notice the spell had been removed. I still felt like in a trance. I could only concentrate on two things: the burning sensation in my eyes, which were filled with tears, and the powerful force that was tugging at my heart, apparently trying to break it. Disbelief was the leading feeling at the moment, it was all there was.

It just couldn't be. I could not accept that a real, living, breathing person could have endured such torture. Especially not Sakura. Sakura, for God's sake! Who could tolerate hurting such an innocent soul?

Sakura opened her eyes. She turned her gaze to mine. Her look…I had to blink several times before I could manage to hold it. Storms were swirling inside her eyes. Fearful, tortured, desperately clinging to the last bit of hope. Tell me it wasn't real, they read. I drew in a shaky breath. But there was no need to reply. She could tell right away.

Suddenly, all the light seemed to vanish from her eyes. They became hazy and numb. Her mouth parted in a silent scream. She crossed her arms in a desperate attempt to keep herself together. For a long second, I could only stare at her, as the tugging in my heart got worse. Luckily, I regained my senses quickly.

In one, swift move I seized her and pulled her into a hug. She offered no resistance, but merely hid her face in my chest. I closed my arms around her tightly, for she felt so distant again. I could feel the tears in my eyes now rolling down my cheeks.

"Please, Sakura…don't let go now…" I whispered in her ear. My voice was trembling as much as her skinny, fragile form was.

"I can't stand it, Syaoran…" she whispered back weakly. Her voice had lost all feeling. "I can't stand knowing what happened…"

"Please," I cried, feeling as if my heart was about to explode. "Stay with me. Don't seal yourself again…You don't have to go through this alone!" I gently pulled her a bit apart, so that I could see her face. Her eyes were completely blank, devoid of all feeling.

"I'm sorry, Syaoran…it hurts too much…" she replied softly. Fear ran through me as a weird sense of déjà vu settled in my heart. It was all happening again. She was falling once more. But I wouldn't let her this time. Whatever it took, I wouldn't leave her alone.

"No! I won't allow you to do this to yourself!" I tightened my grip on her shoulders. "You have to react, Sakura! You can't keep running away from it!" I shook her gently and finally appreciated some change. The pronounced sadness returned to her eyes. Raw fear flashed through them as well.

"I don't know if I can…" she confessed, as a single tear escaped her eyes. "The pain…you have no idea…"

I knew she wasn't implying anything with those last words, but I couldn't help but feel them as a slap in the face. What right did I have to force her to go through this again? How could I even compare my grief to the one she had been through?

"Listen, Sakura…" My voice was having a hard time getting past my throat. "If it was within my power, I would erase all those painful memories. If I could, I would carry the cross you're bearing all the way. But as much as I hate to admit it…" I lifted her chin, for she had deliberately lowered her sight. "…I can't. The only thing I can do is abide the pain with you…" She squeezed her eyes shut, as if only the mention of the word was already hurting her. I didn't doubt it was.

"You would find a way…and I can't do that to you, Syaoran…" she murmured, and I noticed something different in her expression. Aside from everything she was feeling at the moment, there was concern written all over her face. Concern for me?

She visibly took a step away from me. That gesture alone gave another sharp twinge to my heart. But I didn't advance. For the first time I accepted her willing separation. Instead, I settled to ask the question that had tormented me ever since this nightmare first began.

"Why not?" I asked in a low voice, as I felt tortured sadness and miscomprehension rise inside me. I just didn't get it. I couldn't fully understand how she felt, why she said the things she said, why she was looking at me in the way she was… "Why can't you share this with me? Why do you have to put yourself through this alone?" I felt a lump form in my throat. All I really wanted to do was to sit by myself and just cry and cry until there were no more tears left. But I knew I couldn't. I wasn't a child anymore. I had to be strong. For her. For me. For us.

A pained, anguished whimper escaped Sakura's lips as her eyes shone due to the unshed tears in them. I remained silent as she simply breathed for a few moments. Watching her drift apart was like a slow, agonizing torture.

"I fear for you…" Suddenly, unexpectedly, her soft, timid voice reached my ears.

What?!

I allowed myself a look of bewilderment. She just wasn't making any sense to me. Sakura caught the hint and elaborated.

"I'm scared, Syaoran. Scared because I know what will happen if I let you into the situation…" she continued quietly, as if a louder tone would actually break the words. I found myself unwillingly – but inevitably – starting to get angry at her. I had no idea where that had come from, but I couldn't help feeling that way.

"And what might that be?" As soon as I had spoken those words I regretted ever doing so. My tone came out harsher than I had intended to, and Sakura visibly winced at it. Immediately, I opened my mouth to apologize but she stopped me with a gesture of her hand.

"Syaoran, with you there isn't anything that even slightly resembles the sharing of pain," She paused, and smiled sadly at my confusion. "Whenever things have gone wrong, whenever there was blame to be taken…You always make sure that all the bad things are your fault, that you bear all the pain…"

"What's wrong with that?" I asked stubbornly. The conversation was taking a very off beam turn.

"Please, don't take this the wrong way-" she whispered, but I didn't let her finish.

"Don't you get it? I only do it because you're more important to me than myself! I can't stand seeing you suffer…Your pain hurts me more than mine…" Again I felt my eyes burning up as I tried to hold back the tears, but to no avail. I felt sick to my stomach. The whole situation was making me physically ill. Why couldn't she see how much I loved her?

Sakura bit her lip, succeeding this time in holding back a cry. It made me even angrier. Why was she keeping everything to herself? Why was she lengthening the distance between us? She opened her mouth to say something, but I didn't even let her begin this time.

"Please…I can't stand you being so apart…" I whispered as tears blurred my vision and she became no more than a vague form. My voice then adopted an angry, panicked tone. I merely couldn't conceive the idea of losing her all over again. "Can't you see that I can't live without you? Can't you see that I can't breathe without you?!" I felt my knees weaken. Tears were pouring down my cheeks relentlessly. I didn't even have enough strength to keep myself together…how was I supposed to protect her too? Was this why she was distancing herself again?

"Syaoran, I'm not distancing myself from you!" she cried angrily. I blinked. Had she read my mind?

"I don't want to be without you either! Don't you know that? Don't you know how much I love you?" Her voice broke. My eyes widened.

"But then-"

"Hasn't it ever occurred to you," she interrupted me with a whisper, "that I can't bear to see you in pain either? The self-blame thing you have…it hurts more than anything. Because I may be able to save you from almost anything…but I'm afraid I've never been able to save you from yourself…"

I was completely taken aback by this answer. What was she talking about?

"This whole experience has taught me many things. Firstly, that our bond is as vital to us as the air that we breathe. And that bond is what makes us both so strong and vulnerable at the same time. And he has known this all along…he took advantage of our weaknesses…he has seen past the illusion of our relationship and into the real thing…"

This answer was a shocker. But what surprised me even more, in a sad, longing way, was the look in her eyes when she said those things. I could see newly gained wisdom in them, but not a trace of the innocence they once held.

"What do you mean with illusion?" I questioned simply. At this point there was no use arguing.

"Syaoran, we've been fooling ourselves ever since we first started dating. Think about it…do you remember ever having a fight?" she asked sadly.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked as I became painfully aware of the physical distance between us. She was exactly one step out of my reach.

"Even people who fit so well with each other are bound to have their differences…and we have had them. We've just never spoken them out-"

"I remember an argument!" I interrupted triumphally. I didn't like what she was saying at all and I was determined to prove her wrong. "The night we had the dream…we had an argument…I remember…"

"I haven't forgotten it either, Syaoran," she said delicately. Again I noticed the cool, calculated perception in her eyes. The one that could only be gained with experience…experience of terrible things. "Do you remember when the argument ended?"

I shook my head, and dreaded what she would say next.

"It ended when I stopped insisting something was wrong…when we chose to forget the whole incident…" Sakura lowered her eyes sadly. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"Listen, Syaoran…" she said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "You said I couldn't keep running away from what happened, but I'm not doing so. It's you who has been running all along. I know it's hard, but you have to face that things have changed…" Sakura let her gaze fall upon mine. Her lips curved into a small, sad smile.

"I don't want them to…" I said helplessly. "I don't like not being able to protect you. I don't like how your eyes seem to have lost their innocence…I want things back the way they were…"

"We can't do that. We have to deal with the truth. We have to learn from our mistakes. I will never doubt to tell you everything again…But you have to promise you won't try to take all the pain upon yourself…"

"Sakura-"

"Promise me," she said as firmly as she could, though her voice was trembling, "that we'll share everything – the good and the bad – from now on…"

I gazed into her deep, evergreen eyes. Fear, hurt, anguish…many emotions were there. But I could also see determination. My will faltered. I felt a battle between my two primordial instincts: to make her happy and to protect her. If I promised, I would be giving her what she wanted, but it would mean breaking the protective bubble I had been building carefully throughout the years. If I didn't promise, it would be the other way around.

 "Syaoran," she said gently, and closed the distance between us. "It's ok not to be perfect. Us…our relationship…" she bit her lip. "We change. We grow. We learn. What happened…it has left a permanent stain upon me…upon us. That trace will never vanish. It won't go away. But if we face this," she took my hands in her own. "If we face this together we will be able to wear the mark and move on…"

I was speechless. Her words were finally starting to make some sort of sense. They were coming together like pieces in a big puzzle. But many of my questions still hadn't been answered.

"You said you feared what would happen if I took the situation upon myself. Why now? Why is different than any other thing we've been through? Why are you telling me this now?" I inquired softly.

"That has been my mistake all along. To let you always be the one in charge of both you and me. As much as I love you and appreciate your concern, I now realize it's been unfair for you all the way. My life is my own responsibility, not yours…"

"But Sakura-"

"This is the conversation we had been having right before he brought us here. We didn't get a chance to finish it then, but we should now…"

I merely nodded. It seemed she wouldn't let me talk until she had had her say.

"Since we first met, you've always been the one to protect me. Even when you didn't like me, even when I was nothing but a child standing in your way to collect the cards…even back then you made sure nothing happened to me. I liked the way it felt. I felt safe. I knew nothing would ever hurt me as long as you were with me. I guess I just never thought there would come the day when we wouldn't be together anymore…" There was such a look upon her face…it made my insides squirm with pain. I wanted to say something…anything…but I didn't. I felt as if I were under a spell again. Like when I saw her vivid memories…only this time I was taking an honest, true look into her heart.

"But we did…because of my own foolishness, I stepped right into a trap. You see, for the first time in my life, I was offered the chance to do something of importance. I felt powerful and independent, and both were new and appealing things to me. It was the choice between what was right and what was easy, and for once I wanted to be able to choose the right thing on my own. When I realized I was wrong it was already too late…" her voice trailed off a bit. "But that's not the point. The thing is, Syaoran, that I abandoned the protection you offered without knowing how vulnerable I really was…It's like any bad habit, it gets worse with time until you depend completely on it. You see, I depended completely on you. And he has known it all along…all he had to do was lure me out of your protection…"

"Why are you telling me all this, Sakura?" I said softly. Her words were hard, but they spoke of such truth I didn't dare block them out.

"I need you to understand why we must change the way we've been facing things. Because the hardest thing to realize was that our relationship didn't fall apart because of what happened with him. It had begun falling long before…because of the silence in it. Time has come for us to be brave…for us to see past the fairy-tale romance and into reality. We need to face the truth, and only the truth will set us free…"

And then I got it. I finally understood the implications of what she was saying. We had always been blind to the reality surrounding us. We had always lived in our own world in some way. But Sakura suddenly stepped out of it, and realized what was going on. I remained in my fantasy land. Sakura was now taking my hand and pulling me out to the real world. She was guiding me, leading me, teaching me, like she always has. I was fooling myself about it being the other way around. It has been her who has been saving me all along.

I looked into her eyes and felt the sudden urge to smile. So I did. I closed the distance between us, still holding her gaze. I felt as if a thick, invisible, annoying wall between us had just fallen down. And it was such an incredible feeling. This was what she alone had seen, what she alone had discovered the hard way. And now we would be sharing it.

"I'm scared, Sakura," I admitted. We were so close I could feel her breath on my face. "I've always been scared of new things…"

"You won't be alone…" she replied tenderly. "We will learn things together…"

"You were wrong about one thing, though," I whispered, my face so close to hers that our lips nearly brushed.

"Was I?" she whispered back, closing her eyes.

"You have been saving me from myself, Sakura. All along…"

Our lips met as I put my arms around her waist. She put hers around my neck. For a moment everything fell into place perfectly. The world just faded away while we held each other. Our connection was deeper that I could have ever imagined, and it felt so well, so right…

So true.

But our momentary bliss was shattered the next instant.

"Took you long enough, young one," a cold, high-pitched voice said smoothly. "This will make battle much more interesting…"