Authors note: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! You've been so kind and given me the encouragement to write another chapter. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave a review as well as they make me happy.

Rain Clouds of Dreams

The world's on fire
It's more than I can handle
Tap into the water, try to bring my share
Try to bring more, more than I can handle
Bring it to the table
Bring what I am able
 
Sarah McLachlan "World On Fire"  

One moment. It had taken one moment for her to say the words she felt. Four months to come to this point. She had been surprised how easily the words had escaped her lips. Maybe this was what she wanted. What she needed. She could feel her heart beating in anticipation. This was real. It would happen now.

In front of her she saw Cid stare at her with a blank expression. She wasn't quite sure how he felt at the words she just said. Was he glad or disappointed? She could not tell. His face only gave a shocked and slightly confused expression. He stood there for a few moments as if he were frozen. His eyes locked onto her. Finally he let out a sigh and took off his glasses that had been resting on the bridge of his nose.

"You're leaving?" He said looking down at the glasses in his hands. "Why would you make such a decision?" He looked back up to her face to study her features.

 He saw her hold a hand to her head and let out a long sigh. She took a seat by his desk and looked down at the ground as if she were a young child being told off. She smoothed imaginary creases on her skirt to avoid any contact and allow herself to think a little longer. "Honestly, I couldn't tell you why in words" she began, her eyes once again on the floor. "It just doesn't feel the same as before…" She trailed off, not sure what else to say.

Placing his glasses on the desk he took the envelope in his hands. "You're not happy teaching again?" he questioned looking at her bowed head "It doesn't mean you have to leave Quistis, you could just ask me and you can go back to being a normal SeeD once more. I asked you because I thought you'd want to teach, and you proved yourself worthy of it. If you don't want to do it anymore, it doesn't mean you have to leave"

Quistis pulled her head up to face Cid once again. She thought for the right words to say. She knew Cid was quite upset by her decision to leave, she could tell by the look in his eye. If she could think of the right words to say, to let him know exactly why she wanted to leave she would have done. "When you first asked me to be an instructor again" she started looking back down at the ground once more "I really felt proud of myself. I'd finally proven myself. I was happy at the idea of teaching again."

The memories were coming back to her mind again. She could see his face in her mind again. The feelings of failure erupted inside her again, eating away at her conscience. "On my first day I just couldn't help thinking of all the students who hadn't made it. All of the new students I was supposed to teach. I realised that no matter how hard we try we always lose some of them." She starred at Cid with pleading eyes as she felt a warm substance run down her face.

Cid looked down at her with sorrow. "It's one of those things we have to risk. Every candidate knows that there's a risk of dying during battle. We lost a lot of people during the sorceress war, but we can't let that get in the way, we have to learn from it"

She felt his presence get closer and he rested a hand on her giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm afraid it's the cruel truth. I don't want any students to die just like you don't, but I'm afraid its unavoidable."

"It's not fair though," she said barely above a whisper "I don't think I could deal with teaching students knowing that they could die"

"That's what this is all about?" Cid said looking down at Quistis. "You're a skilled fighter, before they're ready to be a SeeD you'll be there with them just in case anything gets out of hand."

Quistis stared at the window against the wall behind Cid's desk. She looked out of the window. The grey sky was giving her support for today. She studied the darkening grey in the distance, it would be raining again soon and she wanted to be out there. "I don't want to fight anymore," she said quietly, never taking her eyes off the sky. "That's why I'm leaving"

A few minutes passed between the two in silence. Cid watched as Quistis kept her gaze locked out of the window. He wondered what had made her want to leave so suddenly. Everyone in Garden knew that there was a risk of people dying, whether it was a skilled SeeD or a young cadet. She should know that. Yet when he looked down at her frail form, when he saw the tears well up in her eyes he wasn't so sure. Maybe she had never really thought about the harsh truth, until now. His eyes trailed back to the white envelope on his desk then once again on Quistis.

"Maybe you should have some time off. Clear your mind and get away from Garden for a while" he said to the young woman. "I just don't want you doing anything you regret"

She let his words register in her mind. Slowly her eyes trailed up towards the aging headmaster. "I don't need to clear my mind. I know that this isn't me anymore."

Cid sighed in defeat and walked over to the window noticing the dark sky. He knew nothing he said could change her mind. Throughout the years he had known her, he had learnt that if she set her mind to something she would prove herself. Just like proving herself of becoming an Instructor again. Perhaps she just needed to prove something to herself.

"When will you be leaving?"

Quistis' head lifted towards Cid. Since the thought had crossed her mind she had played this scene in her mind many times. She had prepared herself for all sorts of questions he could ask her, but never for that question. When was she leaving? She had started packing some clothes in the early hours in the morning. Although deep down inside her, she had never dreamed she would actually go and tell him. Hand over the envelope with her letter of resignation inside.  It had taken her so much courage to get this far. Now he was asking her when she was leaving.

"Tomorrow morning" she said with confidence. This was happening. It was real. No one could change her mind now. For the first time in her life, she was doing something for herself instead of following orders.

"Do the others know yet?" Cid asked still staring out of the window "If they don't, you should tell them soon."

"I was going to tell them once I finished packing" she said staring at his back. That was another obstacle that she had to cross later on. Another confrontation and more questions to answer. At first she had thought about writing a letter to everyone explaining what her decision was. She had got as far as getting a piece of paper but she didn't know what to put. Writing letters was for people who were running away. She wasn't running away, she was leaving.

"Maybe you should get packed now and go tell them as soon as possible." Cid said turning away from the window and back towards Quistis. He watched as she stood from the seat and with a little smile, she turned on her heals to leave. He couldn't believe what he was doing. She was a good Instructor and a skilled SeeD. He was letting her walk away. Someone who had inspired so many people, now leaving.

Quistis let out a little sigh of relief as she turned towards the door. She had already taken the first step to leaving. Now she only had to let everyone else know. That next step, she felt would be the hardest. Slowly she pulled open the door. From over her shoulder she heard her name being called. She turned to see Cid standing where he had been before she had walked away.

"If anything goes wrong, or you think that you're doing the wrong thing, you're always welcome back here" Cid said slowly "If not… then I wish you the best of luck for the future"

Quistis smiled and nodded her head ignoring the lump that had formed in her throat. She quickly walked out of his office, closing the door behind her and made her way towards the elevator. Once the doors slid closed she let her weight lean on the side of the elevator and the tears made their way down her cheeks. This really wasn't easy to do.

~*~

Within the four walls of her dorm she stood throwing items of clothing into her duffel bag. Almost all of her belongings had been packed away now. She packed the last few items in her bag then stood in her empty dorm. She had spent many years of her life in this dorm. Tomorrow she would leave. There would be no more SeeD missions, no more classes to teach and no more orders. Everyone who was dedicated in Garden spent their lives taking orders. They were given the papers and followed the orders. Now she was the one giving the orders. Setting out her own missions of her own.

She picked up a folded piece of paper from her bed and studied it. Her first place to visit would be Timber. The student who haunted her. His name was Ethan Sandston. She had found his file a few hours ago. She didn't know why, she felt she had to see where he lived. See his family.  Face up to the pain it had brought them. She wasn't supposed to look up student information, not unless she had a verified reason. It was against the rules. Balamb Garden's rules weren't her concern anymore.

Her thoughts were distracted when she heard a knock at the door. With a sigh she turned and went to open the door. She saw Selphie standing with the usual happy look on her face. "Hi Selphie" she said opening the door wider to let her friend in.

Selphie looked at her for a moment then stepped in the dorm following Quistis. "Are you okay?" she said looking in worry at Quistis. She couldn't help but notice the serious look on her friends face.

"I'm fine" Quistis said trying to act normal as she just realised that Selphie would be able to see the many bags around her room. She turned to look at her and realised that she had seen the same. Her happy look now turned more serious.

"Quisty, you going somewhere?" she said in confusion. She watched as Quistis slowly sat down on her bed with a deep sigh and placed her head in her hands. Selphie stepped towards her friend and knelt down to her level. "What's happening Quistis? No one has seen you all day. We've been worried"

"I'm leaving Garden," she said turning her head towards Selphie. She saw the confused look appear on her face. "I've been thinking about it for a while now. I even went to tell Cid earlier on. I know I should have told you all earlier, I… I just didn't know how to say it. I'm sorry" The words just seemed to rush out all at once. She wasn't sure if what she had just said had made sense.

Selphie placed a hand on Quistis' arm. "You've got nothing to be sorry about Quistis, if this is what you want then do it. You're leaving tomorrow?"

Quistis nodded her head. Selphie seemed to have taken it maturely, which was strange for her. She was the last person she had expected to not ask her why. "Thanks Selphie," she said, "I'm glad you understand"

 Selphie bit her lip "I have a confession to make" she said slowly. She saw the blonde ex instructor turn towards her "I overheard Cid telling Matron what you had told him. I didn't believe he was talking about you so I had to come here" She saw her friend look at her in shock. "I asked him about what he had just said and he told me to talk to you, which is why I came here"

Quistis let out a little chuckle at her friends confession. "I'm glad you overheard and came here," she said looking over at Selphie as a look of relief came over her face. She really was glad. It meant that she wasn't the one to break the news and try to explain everything to her.

"You are?" she said, "I thought you'd be angry" When she saw Quistis shake her head she wrapped her arms around Quistis. "Just don't forget to write, okay?"

Quistis returned the embrace realising how much she would miss all of her friends and the people in Garden. "Could you tell the others for me?" she said slowly. Maybe if Selphie told everyone else it would make it easier, until tomorrow when she would have to part from them. She tried to ignore the tear rolling down her face.