BACK WITH A PAST

CHAPTER 5

Was she ready for this, was she able to do this and was she able to talk about what she went through in New York. Maybe not but she had to, there was know way that she was going to keep this from them, any of them, it was time to explain, everything. No more hiding, she had to deal with her past, she had to fight it.

"About down stairs, I'm sorry I acted like that..." she began looking at her to oldest sisters, "...this is going to be hard, really hard!" she said walking further into the room, Piper looked at her she saw the uncertainty and pain in her younger sister, she may not know what is going on. But what she did know was that her baby sister was fighting an inner battle and may very well be losing.

"Down stairs, I didn't mean to push you out, it's just natural, I never talked about this with anyone, not Jason, not the councilor, not even myself. I want to just forget it, I have tried but I know that isn't going to happen."

Phoebe looked at the floor and took a deep breath, she clasped her hands into tight fists to try and stop them from shacking she tried to stop her shaking voice from cracking as she continued. "I don't know why...why I let him..." she stopped and lent against the wall "All the nights I...lay alone, scared...all the nights I cried myself to sleep, I believed in my heart that I'd get my life back...I thought that was happening, until tonight...when I hared his voice I knew that was it, he was back...I thought that I had until now...well he has taken enough of me, he's not taking anymore."

Prue couldn't take anymore, she couldn't stand the encrypted explanation, she needed to know, "What...did he do to you?" she asked, after the words left her mouth she was uncertain she wanted to hear the answer, unsure weather she should have asked.

Phoebe looked across to both of her sisters, and she answered, although he heart told her not to, to just hide again, like before Phoebe went against the feelings, she knew she had to accept this and in order to except things she needed to talk about them. "He...he broke me, he pushed and pushed until I broke, until he couldn't push me any further. He killed me, emotionally...he killed me." Phoebe stepped forward, she looked at the floor and then back at her sisters, "I have tried running away from this, I have tried to forget, but today just showed me that I can't forget, I can't run...I have to fight, for my life...for this to end I can't run."

"This is going to be really, difficult not only for me to tell you but also for you to take in" "Phoebe..." Piper began, tears threatening to fall as she saw her sister's pain, how could her baby sister be so broken and she not know she thought, before she could finish Phoebe shook her head, "No, stop, I have to do this and if I stop now I may not be able to continue."

Both of the older sister's knew they had to let her talk, all they could do was listen, and as they listened they were overcome with guilt...

"I left here, you know that part." Phoebe started, receiving a nod from Piper and Prue she continued, "I headed for New York, truthfully I had to get a way from your doubts, from your disappointment, from my so called life. I need to start again, and I did that alright, I had nothing, just the bag of stuff I brought with me, I had no money or anything. John took me in and I accepted I fell in love with him..." Phoebe stopped and thought for a second, "Months past, I had friends, jobs, I had a life, things were great..." a tear rolled down Phoebe's face as she recalled a past that she tried so hard to forget, "he took that away from me, he started doing drugs, drinking, so...so did I..."

It shocked Prue and Piper, their baby sister doing drugs, this couldn't be true, but the look on Phoebes face confirmed this, the regret, the pain, the worthless feeling of failure.

"At first it was nothing, it was just alcohol, weed nothing serious...we did it for the buzz." Phoebe swallowed as her mouth became dry, and the odd tear would push through and then silently tumble down her face. "It all went wrong one night...I was in the apartment, had been all day, I was sat alone when he burst through the door, it was late, about twelve mid-night..." she paused, "That was the...first time he ever hit me...In the four months that we were together, he never hit me, we had our fights like anyone but he never hit me before. I should have walked away then...but I never." Phoebe became increasingly worked up, the tears rapidly increased, but then she stopped them, wiping them way with the back of her hand.

Piper and Prue looked on in shock, before either could react Phoebe started off again, "He went onto stronger things, the more he took, the more he hit me, the more he hit me the more I took." She explained, "This carried on for ages, for months I let him beat me unconscious, I didn't do anything." She looked at the floor, "I let him carry on and on until...one day he came home, out his head, he was high, more than usual and I knew I was going to get it as soon as I hared that door shut I knew I was going to get it..." Phoebe couldn't look at her sisters. She just couldn't bear to face them...but she had to continue...she had to let it out.

"He started kicking me around...I couldn't stop him, I didn't even try, I gave up. He shouted, he hit me, he hurt me. The last thing I remember that night was a sharp pain, in my side, really sharp, after that nothing...blackness until four weeks later...when I woke up in a hospital, hooked up to a load of machines, I was scared...I hade come out of a coma...with this..." she said. Slowly she lifted up her shirt reviling a large scar that ran across her right side, underneath her ribs, she put her fingers across it and let the tears fall freely now, it was all to much for all the sisters. Each of the older sisters was trying to under stand, to deal with what was being said.

Phoebe looked at them, "I wanted to come to you, I really did, I wanted to be held by you, but I just couldn't..." "You...went through that...on you're own?" Piper asked, Phoebe shook her head, "No, Jason stayed by my side all the way through, he stayed by my bed side when I was in that coma, and after, he was there. A few weeks later I came out of hospital, he was still looking out for me...he got me off the drugs, he made me want to live again, he gave me...hope, he gave me back my life again." Phoebe looked at her sisters, "Don't blame yourselves, I don't, I don't blame you at all."

Both Piper and Prue heard what she said, but couldn't believe it, how could they not blame themselves? They should have been by her side through out this but they didn't even know.

Phoebe continued, "Jason and I, we got together, we were going out for a while before I came back here. Just before I left I found out that his brother left, John's brother saw what he did to me and walked out...afraid that either his brother would turn on him...or he would turn into his brother."

"I moved back here, I came home, Jason said he needed to get rid of John for good, get him off our backs, he failed, so now it's my turn, it's the only way I can live, can move on, the only way that I can be with Jason. He came here today for revenge. He found out about Jason and me, and now, wants revenge. He ripped me apart, mentally, emotionally and physically, but in the end he made me stronger, I can beat him and get my life back and...I will." she said determinedly, "I will."