Playtime on PBJ

Author: Orrymain and special guest co-author, Claudia!

Author Email: marciastudley@comcast.net (Feedback welcome)

Author Website: http://orrymain.raikiri.net/fanfichome.html

Category: Slash, Angst, Humor, Romance, Established Relationship

Pairing: Jack/Daniel .... and it's all J/D

Rating: PG-13

Season: 5 - shortly after "Red Sky"

Spoilers: None

Size: 27kb, short story

Written: March 26-29, April 4, 2004

Summary: While on a strange planet, the female inhabitants take a special liking to Daniel. Are the women what they seem to be? Will Daniel fall under their spell?

Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. A gal can dream though!

Notes:

1) We had so much fun we decided to do it again ... and again. Thanks to Claudia, my always beta, and now sometimes co-author! She makes it so much fun to write some of these fics!

2) Sometimes, Jack and Daniel speak almost telepathically. Their "silent" words to each other are indicated by asterisks instead of quotes, such as **Jack, we can't.**

3) Silent, unspoken thoughts by various characters are indicated with ~ in front and behind them, such as ~Where am I?~

4) Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better: Quingem, Drdjlover!



Playtime on PBJ

by Orrymain

"Daniel, what is that?"

"What that?"

"That what!"

"What is what?"

"THAT!" Jack pointed into the woods.

"Um, it looks like ... woods, Jack."

Jack grunted. "Not the woods. THAT! That ... creature."

"Jack, all I see are ... trees and leaves and .... trees."

"Are you blind?"

"Have you been drinking some of that juice Liea gave us last night?"

"Daniel, I'm telling you there's a ... a thing over there."

"Right, Jack."

"Daniel, it's right ... well, it was ... I am NOT making this up. There was this little ... bear or something."

"Jack, why don't you sit down and rest? The sun on this planet is very intense."

"You don't believe me," Jack looked forlorn.

Daniel laughed. "Yes, I do. I saw it. It's called a gobix, and it's ... kind of like a bear."

"You saw it, and you let me think ...?" Jack stood up. "You are so going to get yours." Ignoring protocol, Jack put down his P-90 and gave chase as Daniel ran into the woods, trying to escape with his life.

====

After their impromptu playtime in the woods, Jack and Daniel headed for the village where SG-1 was staying. As they approached, Jack noticed that the streets seemed to be lined with women. In fact, so far on this planet, they had only seen women. Unfortunately for Jack, not only were the three men of SG-1 a curiosity, Daniel seemed to have attracted the heart of every female. While Jack could certainly understand this, he was having to work very hard at stopping himself from making a public declaration that Daniel was his and off limits to everyone else!

Sam and Teal'c were waiting for their teammates to report in about their progress. They had just begun their report, when they heard ...

"Danyel."

They looked up to see Kelin, the leader of the village, beckoning them over, or rather, beckoning Daniel over. Jack knew the rest of SG-1 was just along for the ride. He noticed Daniel looking at him, a faint trace of amusement in his expression.

"What?"

"Jack, you just growled."

"I did not!"

"You did."

"You're imagining things, Daniel."

**I'm not, Love. You growled.**

**I'm telling ya, Danny, she wants you.**

**It's too bad for her that I'm taken then, isn't it?**

Daniel gave Jack a shy smile that forced the Colonel to look away and think of cold showers.

As they walked through the village, Jack grew more serious. "Daniel, we need to find out what happened to the men. These women aren't able to maintain this place. It may be a village, but look at the equipment and machines. No offense, Carter," Jack glanced at his 2IC, "but I just don't buy that they are running this place."

"I agree, Sir. They don't seem inclined to talk about anything other than ... hair and ..."

"Don't say it, Carter."

"They are fascinated with DanielJackson, O'Neill."

"Teal'c, I just said not to say that."

"No, you told MajorCarter not to say it. I did not say it, O'Neill. I said that ..."

"Never mind, Teal'c."

====

A few hours later, the team was at a gathering of sorts in the center of town. As usual, the men seemed to be the center of attention, though Daniel stood out. This left Sam free to do a bit of exploring.

Kelin seemed to be making some sort of proposal to the women. Although the women spoke English, they were using their native tongue during this meeting. As far as Daniel could work out, the language was formed from derivatives of Latin, Ancient Greek and Hebrew. Although he could not understand every word that was spoken, he could understand some of it.

Jack was not happy. He might not understand the language, but he knew Daniel's name when he heard it, and he was hearing it a lot during this particular meeting.

"Daniel, what are they talking about?" He kept his voice low, his gaze fixed on the women. When Daniel didn't answer him, he turned to look at his lover, surprised to find Daniel blushing.

"Daniel?" There was a hint of amusement, concern, fear and irritation in the word.

"They're talking about me."

"Yeah, I got that," Jack said with a hint of annoyance in his voice, "but what I want to know is WHAT are they saying?"

**That I'm intelligent, that my presence here could benefit them.**

**Over my dead body are they getting any benefits from you!**

**Jack.**

**No benefits, Danny. They're mine.**

Meanwhile, Sam roamed the streets, looking inside buildings and examining objects she'd found. Thirty minutes later, she returned to the center of the action and worked her way to her CO. "Sir, we need to talk."

It wasn't hard for Jack to gain a bit of privacy. He simply started talking about Daniel, and the women seemed to flock over to the younger man. Jack cringed, but jealousy would have to come after duty.

"Okay, Carter, what'd you find out?"

"Sir, there have definitely been men here. There are clothes and even photographs in some of the homes. In fact, some homes seem to have a number of photos of men lined up like some kind of ..." Sam shrugged.

"Some kind of what, Carter?"

"I have a funny feeling about this. It's the way they have the photos arranged, not on a mantle or with children, but with ... things ... like a ... Sir, like a collection."

"Great. We're a hobby."

"There's something else, Sir."

"And that is ...?"

"In some of the houses, a few of the photos of the males are encased in ... I guess you'd call it a shrine, or altar. And I couldn't help but notice that all those men had a similarity."

"And ...?" Jack was growing impatient.

"They look like Daniel, Sir."

Jack looked over at the women surrounding his lover.

"DANIEL. TIME TO GO."

====

"Jack? Jack!"

After trying and failing to get Jack to slow his hike back to the Stargate and talk about Sam's discovery, Daniel had had enough. He stopped, took off his pack and sat down.

"Daniel, get up." Daniel wondered how Jack could do that. He knew his lover didn't have eyes in the back of his head, but it certainly felt like it at times. Jack hadn't even turned around when he spoke, yet he knew Daniel had stopped.

"No."

"Daniel, get up. That's an order."

"Jack, I'll get up when you agree to talk about this."

Jack gave out a frustrated sigh and looked hopefully at Carter and Teal'c for backup. It seemed they had decided discretion was the better part of valor and were carefully looking everywhere but at Jack and Daniel. ~Oh, no you don't.~

"Carter?" Sam reluctantly looked at her CO. "Do you agree with Daniel? Should we stay on this planet even though we know he is likely to be a target?"

Sam shuffled her feet nervously. The Colonel was giving her one of his famous glares, the 'if you know what's good for you, you'll agree with me' look.

"Ah, actually, Sir, I think Daniel has a point. I think this planet might have some technology we could use and ... and ... with Daniel here, we have a better chance of finding out exactly how advanced they are."

Jack scowled at her and looked at his stubborn linguist. Daniel just looked beseechingly at him.

"Teal'c?" Jack heard the plea in his voice, and his scowl deepened.

"I concur with MajorCarter and DanielJackson."

"Fine. Daniel, you don't leave my side. Teal'c, don't take your eyes off him," Jack snapped and began stalking back to the village.

**I love you, Jack. It's the right thing to do.**

**So help me, Daniel, if you come out of this with one hair out of place ...**

**I'm sorry, Jack. I don't want to put you through this, but ...**

**I know, it's our job. And, Space Monkey, I love you too.**

====



"Danyel, you have come back!" Kelin exclaimed with delight.

Within seconds, Daniel was surrounded by the women. Smaller groups huddled around Jack and Teal'c, but mostly, it was Daniel who had their attention.

"Um, Kelin. I need to ask you a few questions."

"Anything, Danyel."

"Where are the men?"

"Men?"

"Males."

"Males?"

"Um, the others, like me, and Jack and Teal'c?" Kelin looked at Daniel blankly, shaking her head. Daniel tried to explain. "Look, in our culture, you and your friends are called women or females. You all have certain ... characteristics." Daniel blushed slightly, trying to point our Kelin's figure and breasts. "And people like me, Jack and Teal'c," he continued, "are called men or males. We, too, have certain same, uh, characteristics."

Kelin smiled blankly at Daniel. "So, Kelin, men. You must have men here."

"Maybe you should visit the Gallery of Uhlans."

"Uhlans? Horse Cavalry?" Daniel looked around, more confused than ever. "Where is this gallery?"

"It is in the Great Tunnel of Cavendish."

"Cavendish? Who is Cavendish?"

"The greatest of the Uhlan. All comes from Cavendish."

"Ohhhkay, and where is the Great Tunnel?"

"I will show you."

"Let me get my friends."

"No, just you."

Daniel looked back. He saw Teal'c watching. Daniel gave him a 'help' look as he stood up to go with Kelin. As they walked, the archaeologist hoped Teal'c got the message.

====

Jack was listening to Sam questioning the group of women huddled around him. He kept missing pieces of the conversation though as his focus remained on Daniel.

"Sir," Sam was aware of her CO's preoccupation and didn't think he had heard that last comment.

"What?" Jack reluctantly tore his gaze from Daniel to look at his 2IC. He watched as she shuffled her feet nervously. "Come on Carter, spit it out."

"I, uh, I think they see men as ... as ..."

"As what, Carter?"

"Animals." Sam saw him raise his eyebrows in a manner befitting Teal'c and hurried on with her explanation. "Treasured animals, though, um, kind of like pets."

"Pets? Sweet."

Just as Sam finished speaking, Teal'c caught their attention.

"O'Neill," the Jaffa looked at Jack and inclined his head slightly indicating where Jack should look.

~Danny!~ In the distance, the Colonel could see Daniel and Kelin, alone, walking away from the village.

"Daniel, I am going to kill you when I get my hands on you," Jack muttered. "Teal'c, Carter, you stay here and dig around some more. The sooner we get off this planet the better. I'll go and retrieve our errant archaeologist."

With that, Jack stalked off after his lover.

"I swear, Danny, I'm going to put you on a leash every time we go through that blasted gate. Maybe a blue one, to match your eyes. Or maybe I'll get one of those tracking devices they use to locate animals in the wild. Yeah, that's the way to go. I'm sure I can get Hammond to agree."

Muttering continuously to himself, Jack hurried to catch up with his lover.

====

"Daniel," Jack called out when he was within a few feet of the two. He considered staying back and just following, but then he changed his mind, not wanting to take chances with his partner.

"Hey, Jack." **Gawd, I was afraid Teal'c didn't see me leave.**

**We are SO going to have a discussion later, Daniel.** "Where ya goin'?" Jack asked nonchalantly.

"Kelin is going to show me, I mean us, the Gallery of the Uhlans, which is in the Gallery of the Cavendish."

"And you know what that is?"

"Actually, I have no idea, but we'll find out soon."

"I can only take you, Danyel."

"Sorry, Kelin, but Jack is my commanding officer, and if he insists, then I can't go without him."

"And I do insist."

"It would be against the rules. It is only for Danyel."

"We're a package deal, Kelin. Take us both, or leave us both, but ... 'Danyel' isn't going anywhere without me."

"Cavendish will not be pleased."

"Kelin," Daniel asked. "Cavendish is alive?"

"All things come from Cavendish."

**We need to see this, Jack.**

**Not going alone, Danny.**

"Um, Kelin, isn't there ever a time when you can bring more than one?"

Kelin thought. "Yes, only if the two are one."

"Excuse me?" Jack asked.

"If the two are as one, as Selena and Tynia are. They are as one."

**I've met them, Jack. They are two people.** "Kelin, when you say two as one, you mean ... together? Married?"

"Married? I do not know this term. Together, yes, as one spirit, for the expanses of all tomorrows."

"Love?"

Kelin smiled. "That which is in the heart, yes. The joy within that combines one with another. If two are one, they may go to the gallery together, but that is the only exception."

"Okay, lady. You got it. Danny here, and I ... we're two as one."

Kelin looked at Daniel in surprise. "Is this so? You are ... hymengninay?"

Daniel worked his knowledge of the language of the inhabitants. "Hymengninay. Hymeneal? Um ..."

**Danny, why are you hesitating?**

**She means married.**

**What the heck. Just say yes.**

Daniel shrugged. "Um, yes. We are hymengninay."

"I must see."

"Oh for crying out loud," and without giving Daniel a moment to prepare, Jack scooped his soulmate into his arms and kissed him long and hard, causing Daniel to moan and totally forget where they were and what they were doing.

"Oh, Jack, yes," Daniel said leaning in for another kiss.

"See, Kelin. We are ... hymingawhatever."

"Oh, gawd. I hate it when I do that."

"I don't," Jack smiled with satisfaction. **I'm the only one in the world who can make you forget you've got a brain. Geez, I love that.**

**Arrogant.**

**You love me.**

**Incredibly, it's true.**

"Very well. Follow me. I will take you to the wall."

It took ten minutes, but on the fringe of the village, they came to a doorway that seemed to lead into a mountain. "This is where we enter."

Taking a deep breath, the two prepared to enter, but Kelin stopped them. "Oh, I must warn you. If you are one, you must always be together. If Cavendish determines you have deceived him, you will be punished. You must connect," she put their hands together. "To let go, would not be good."

Jack and Daniel exchanged a glance, and then rearranged their hands for a better hold, one more normal to them, and then they all went through the doorway.

====

As soon as they stepped through, Jack knew he'd have to keep a firm grip on his lover's hand. They appeared to be in some sort of cave, the walls of which were covered in what looked like prehistoric paintings. Daniel was fascinated by them, and was already walking towards them, forgetting to hold onto Jack's hand. Fortunately, Jack did not forget and gripped Daniel's hand even tighter as he followed his absentminded archaeologist.

"Jack, look." Daniel pointed to some of the paintings. "These are like rock drawings on Earth. They show the lives of the tribes, the different tasks that come with each of the seasons."

"Come. Cavendish is waiting." Kelin stood in front of a stone altar, that looked strangely familiar.

Jack tugged on Daniel's hand and led him over to the altar, Daniel still focused on the paintings.

"Ah, Jack?" Daniel allowed himself to be led over to Kelin. "I think I know who Cavendish might be."

Before Jack had a chance to respond, Kelin had pressed a carving on the altar and the three were transported to a vast stone hall.

====



Still clutching Daniel's hand, Jack looked around. The hall seemed to be completely empty except for a circular stone dais in the middle of it. Kelin was kneeling before it, her hands extended out in supplication.

"Daniel, do you have any idea what's going on?"

"I think we're about to see a recording."

"What?"

"Keep watching the dais. If I'm right, any minute a holographic recording will start playing."

Almost as soon as Daniel finished speaking, a light flickered and a life like figure stood before them.

"Cavendish, I presume," Jack said with an English accent.

"I am Cavendish. How dare you ..."

Still holding Jack's hand, Daniel surprised Kelin by going to the wall and pulling out the controls. After a bit of shifting, the hologram disappeared. Moments later, a very familiar creature appeared.

"Thor? Oh for crying out loud! I thought we were in trouble here."

"O'Neill. Daniel Jackson. What are you doing on Ludio?"

"Ludio? Now this makes sense."

"What? Huh?"

"Ludio, it's Latin for play, like a game."

"A game? Thor, what kind of place is this?"

"It is a play world for the people of Playsiklsbeilskja."

"Now that's a mouthful. Let's just call it PBJ," Jack suggested.

"As you wish."

"Hey, what's going on? Thor, you promised my group a full month of relaxation here. Who are these dudes who interrupted our game?"

Jack looked at Kelin in surprise. She now appeared to be a different person. In fact, she was. Her appearance had changed dramatically into ... some other type of life form.

"What the heck is going on here?" Jack asked.

"It's ... Disneyland, Jack, for who or what exactly, I'm not sure, but ..."

"Doctor Jackson is correct, O'Neill." Thor looked at Kelin. "Why did you bring them here?"



"Danyel is of great intelligence. We came to request that he be allowed to join our game. Liea is very taken with him."

Daniel felt himself tugged closer to Jack.

"Why haven't we been invited here before?" Jack saw Thor's stare ... at least it looked like a stare. "Too young?"

"Way too young, Jack, if my guess is right."

The two were still holding hands. "Uh, Thor?" Jack arched his eyebrows, raising Daniel's hand in his.

Thor nodded. "The game has been halted. You and your people must leave, O'Neill."

"I really wish someone would explain this to me. And hey, I want to play!" Jack took a breath, and Thor took the opportunity to vanish. "Hey! Where'd you go? I wasn't finished, Thor!"

Daniel smiled at Jack's indignation. No one at the SGC liked being called 'young' by the advanced races they'd met, but Jack seemed to hate it the most, especially from races like the Asgard and the Nox. Those two allies in particular meant it so genuinely with no offense intended that it was impossible to hold their words against them.

They looked at Kelin, or the life form that had been Kelin. She was still the same height and shape as she had been, but instead of skin, she seemed to have an almost translucent leathery membrane which was thick enough to appear a grayish white. Her eyes were the same shape, but looked like they had been turned ninety degrees. All in all, her appearance was just human enough and just different enough to be really disturbing. Jack was very relieved when she morphed back into her all human guise.

"So ..." Jack's words were cut off as they were transported back to the cave they had first entered. Kelin stalked out of the doorway.

"I think someone's a little upset that we messed up her game."

"Come on, Jack."

Daniel tried tugging his hand free, but Jack refused to let it go. "Ah, Jack, I don't think we have to hold hands anymore."

**Yeah, we do.**

**Ah, why?**

**Because I like holding hands with you, Angel.**



**Sap.**

**You know it, Babe.**

"Come on. Sam and Teal'c are probably worried sick about us."

====

"So this is essentially a playground for alien races?" Sam asked.

"More or less, but it's a very complicated playground. Jack isn't going to like this ..."

"Hey, I'll say what it is I do or don't like ..."

"Right. As I was saying, the more complex and sophisticated the mind, the greater the need for play, and along with that, the method of play."

"Oh, so we're too young to play here. Is that what you're saying?"

"I told you that you wouldn't like it."

Jack scowled. "This is right out of an episode of 'Star Trek' -- you know, the one with the white rabbit."

"You are correct, O'Neill."

"Thor, good buddy. You've come back."

"I am sorry I left so suddenly before, but I had to ... arrange new recreation for Kelin and her people."

"Thor, are you a Trekker?" Jack asked, astonished Thor had answered his question.

"One of our allies did research on Earth for a time. They were undercover, as you might say, O'Neill. During that time, our operative had ... ties with the TV show. Many of their ideas are based on reality."

"Get out of town! Trek is real?" Thor said nothing, simply glaring at Jack wondering if the man had just heard what the alien had said. Jack cleared his throat. "Sweet!"

"Thor, why were there likenesses of Daniel in the houses?" Sam suddenly remembered what she had seen.

"The games require a guide. As you saw, the game was being played in the guise of humans. Kelin's people found Doctor Jackson most attractive when we described his physical appearance and intellect, so we used his form. We did not anticipate that your would ever know about this place assumed it would not matter if we used his likeness."

Daniel was beet red. Jack wasn't sure whether to be outraged or amused.

"I have reprogrammed the settings on the planet to be ... in line ... with your ... level of play, O'Neill. You are welcome to stay for two Earth days. You might find it very pleasurable."

"Thor," Daniel asked, "What about others? Can they come ... play?"

"The Tau'ri are welcome for the next two days. No harm will come to anyone. The settings are ... on low, and being monitored. I must go."

Before anyone could say anything more, Thor again disappeared.

"On low?" Jack pulled back in disbelief. His teammates laughed.

"I don't know why I like that little gray guy, always insulting us. We're the ones that saved their little gray butts from the Replicators. We ..."

Jack trailed off mid-sentence when he realized that his teammates had stopped listening to him and were heading back to the Stargate.

"Hey! Wait for me."

He caught up to them, still muttering, only now the theme of his utterances had changed. "I'm the Colonel, but you wouldn't know it. No one respects me ... takes orders ..."

"Haven't you finished whining yet, Jack?"

"I'll have you know, Doctor Jackson, that Air Force Colonels don't whine."

Daniel raised his eyebrows. ~That's so not true.~

"That is not so, O'Neill. I have heard you whine on many occasions."

~Thank you, Teal'c. I'll have to buy you some new candles for the support.~

"I do not whine, Teal'c. I make legitimate complaints and suggestions as to the way my time and abilities are used."

A sarcastic snort from Daniel was the only response to that. Fortunately, Jack was saved from making a response by their arrival at the Stargate. A few moments later, they were in communication with the SGC.

"Repeat that, Colonel," General Hammond's disbelieving voice was transmitted through the MALP.

"We've been invited to spend two days at 'Thorworld,' otherwise called Disneyland, the next generation."

"Colonel ..." General Hammond was beginning to sound annoyed.

"Sorry, Sir. We seem to have discovered an intergalactic playground run by the Asgard. Thor has allowed us two days playtime here. We thought some of the troops could use a break, and it might be good experience for some of the new recruits."

"It's safe?"

"It's run by the Asgard, Sir. I really don't think it could be safer." Sam answered on Jack's behalf.

"Very well, SG-1. You may remain for the next two days. I'll see who we can spare from here and who would like to join you."

"Thank you, Mon General." The transmission ended, and Jack turned to his teammates. "Playtime, kids."

====

"This is great fun, Danny."

"It sure is, Jack."

"I still say we could have spent more time with those gorgeous babes by the beach!"

"Jack, I have no desire to spend time with any gorgeous babe except for you."

"Ah, Danny," Jack said, his voice soft.

The two had found a secluded little part of "Thorworld" to enjoy some private time. They were sunning themselves on yet another beach, one of many the planet had to offer. Daniel was preparing a lunch for them, something simple and befitting their time on "Thorworld."

"Thorworld" was in fact very like Disneyland, albeit much more high tech. Every game imaginable could be played with extra people, male or female, being provided when necessary.

Yesterday, they had spent time playing volleyball on the beach, the men of the SGC against Sam and Jack's "Gorgeous Babes"; they'd engaged in a kind of paintball, except they flew small gliders and a 'hit' would result in one's glider falling gently to the ground; and there were numerous rides as well as both physical and intellectual games and puzzles.

"So, Love. You want to reconsider your comments about those babes on the beach?"

"Definitely, you're my one and only babe and," Jack chuckled, "I've got you, Babe." Daniel smiled, until Jack added, "Of course, those voluptuous women did have ..."

Jack's words were cut off by the insertion of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich stuffed into his mouth. Jack slowly worked to eat it.

"I'm hungry, too, Love. I love peanut butter, especially right ... here ..."

...and with that, Jack and Daniel's time in "Thorworld" became X-rated, as Daniel taught his lover the best way ever to eat peanut butter and jelly on Planet PBJ!

~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~