No Balm For Grief 4
By: Hotaru
Notes: I think I was getting away from the angsty-ness in the past two chapters, so I lay on the grief now! I'm so used to being kind to the characters and everything, and I'm not used to writing this sort of thing! x_x But you seem to be liking it, so let's hope I do good. Everyone, all together now! Banzai!!!!
To the Reviewers:
Tek: You know what's made me cry? Getting a music box from my boyfriend that plays our song...that's it.
ScoobySnax: I can't believe I never knew about songjapan. They's the greatest! And sure, Barry can die, everyone can die! The question is...will he?
Peeping Shadow: Yeah, bad stuff in the RE world. I entered to win a bunch of Outbreak stuff. I probably won't win. Tear. My glasses are dirty. :/
Project Freak: I'm glad. Sorry I haven't updated lately!
Wanny-Panny: It's about time, wench. He's just protective of her. Like Ki is of us, right? Gravy....haaaaa. That made me laugh.
Chris and I stayed at the hospital with Linda for several hours. There was no change in Barry's condition by eight that night, so Chris practically forced me to go home. He said the others would be showing up, and Linda would have plenty of shoulders to cry on. As usual, my apartment was dark. I saw a few lights on in Ms. Bass's apartment, so I knew she was home. I had Chris promise to call if there was any change with Barry but I doubted there would be. He'd most likely stay, hooked up to some breathing machine in the I.C.U. until Linda didn't have the strength to keep him alive anymore.
I made myself a peanut butter sandwich, and turned on the news shortly after I got home, with the phone by my side.
"We've been telling the residents of West Creek lately, to keep your eyes open and your doors locked. Well now, we've got another reason. A man was severely wounded after a break-in today. The attacker, and the manner of the break-in followed the routine of the man we've dubbed the West Creek Attacker. Only this time, the attacker got violent. We go now, live to West Creek with Nina Paieya. Nina." I subconsciously chewed my thumbnail as the picture switched to some where in the neighborhood I recognized.
"Thank you, Joy. I'm standing here in West Creek, a seemingly quiet neighborhood, until a few weeks ago when a string of break-ins caused fear in the residents. This time, the victim was brutally attacked. Doctors we spoke with said that the victim was suffering from internal injuries, and several broken bones. We're not sure if he's still in surgery as of late, but an eyewitness said, quote, 'I didn't think he was alive.'"
I shivered, and wondered if Ms. Bass was aware of the dangers lurking in our neighborhood. Pulling the blanket from my lap, I went to the kitchen, and down the staircase. Before opening the door, I listened. There was movement, for sure, but something didn't seem right. I went back up the stairs and got my gun from my bedroom. Loading in a few bullets, I took a shaky breath. /Should I call the cops? Take him on myself?/ I was nervous. This was the first time in awhile I held a loaded gun in my hand, and the idea of perhaps having to shoot someone scared the hell out of me.
Silently, I went back down the stairs and pushed open the door to Ms. Bass's kitchen. I didn't see anyone, including the old lady. I went to the first room on the right. It looked like a sewing room, and was empty. I went to the next room, her bedroom. Empty too. Across the hall, I went into the bathroom. Slowly, I checked behind the shower curtain. No one. Was it her cat that I heard? Maybe...
With a sigh, I walked out of the bathroom, and turned to go back to my apartment. Then, I heard a noise behind me./Oh, God why didn't I check the livingroom!? There's plenty of places for someone to hide./ I didn't have a chance to think another thought, before someone had grabbed me. I screamed, and tried to wrestle free. I took my finger away from the trigger, so I didn't shoot him or me.
He was grabbing at the gun, bending my arm, trying to make me drop it. I loosened my grip on it, and once I felt that he had it, I swung my heel up, and crushed his loins, before taking off to the kitchen. My socks slid on the wooden floor, as I yanked the door open. He was following me. I slammed the door, and ran up the stairs, into my kitchen, and shut and bolted the door. Crying slightly, I shoved the kitchen table in front of the door. /The phone. Call the police../ I ran into the livingroom, and grabbed the phone and dialed 911. The minute I heard a voice, I screamed into the phone. "He's trying to break into my house!"
--*--
"Hey, you okay?" Chris asked, touching my shoulder affectionately.
"I can't believe this." I replied, staring over the top of a mug of hot chocolate.
"What?"
"I talked to you today about how I was considering being a cop. There's an intruder in my neighbor's house, and I chicken out."
"Jill, you were scared. And he got your gun..they've been talking about it non-stop on the news. No one blames you for how you reacted."
"Sure, but if I go for an interview, and they hear about how I...I didn't check the house. What if he hadn't jumped out at me? What if he waited for Ms. Bass to come home and attacked her?"
"Jill, this isn't a time for 'what if's. You're shaken up about Barry, and your life was in danger. I don't think anyone would have even gone in to investigate."
He didn't really succeed in cheering me up. I had to go to the police station for a full description and all that stuff you see on T.V. I'd never be hired at this rate.
"So, Miss Valentine, what brought you to your neighbor's apartment?" A detective asked.
"Well, I was watching the news, and saw a report on the West Creek Attacker, and I didn't know if she was aware of it, so I went down to tell her." I answered.
"Alright. And what brought you to bring a gun into her apartment?"
"When I went down the steps, I heard noises. Like...someone rustling papers or something, so I got my gun, which I have a license for and everything. I searched the apartment, but when I came out of the bathroom, he attacked me from behind. I guess he was hiding and waiting for me to drop my guard."
"What can you tell us about him? Any distinguishing characteristics?"
"He was all in black and had gloves on, but...I think he had light brown skin. It could have been a tan, he could have been Indian, I don't know. It didn't seem like he had a weapon, but he tried to get my gun."
"Did you scratch him on his face, or arms?" If I had, it would be easy to spot him. Not everyone has scratch marks running down their face.
"No. I just..kicked him between his legs and ran. At that point, I didn't know if he'd use my gun against me." I answered.
"You used to be a cop? Is that right?" Oh boy, here it comes.
"Yes. I..quit after seven of my friends were killed. I felt a bit overwhelmed, but I've actually wanted to get back on the force. Today...one of my friends is in the hospital after suffering from a major heart attack, I just...became unravelled." He nodded like he understood.
"Is there anything else you can tell us about him?"
"Let me think..he was very quiet. I didn't hear his shoes squeak against the floor, or anything. I think he had a leather coat with black, faux fur on the inside. I didn't see his face, except when I was running to my apartment. Even then, it was just a blur. He seemed really angry, though. I thought he would kill me."
"Alright, that'll be fine. You can go on home, now Miss Valentine. Or perhaps, is there a friend you can stay with? That gentleman that brought you in?"
"Oh...yeah. Can I go home, and get some stuff first?"
"Certainly. If you'd be so kind, can you bring in your gun permit? If he tries to pawn it, we'll need the serial number. Hopefully we can nab him that way."
"I can't believe he has my gun. If someone gets shot because of me..."
"Now, now, Miss Valentine. You get home and get some rest, you hear? We'll call you tomorrow, alright?" I nodded, and stood up. One of them opened a door for me, and Chris practically jumped out of his seat.
He held his arms out, and I took them, but didn't let him hug me. The detectives probably thought I was too weak to be a cop anyway. "Can I take her home now?" Chris asked the officers.
"Yes. Just remember to bring that permit by." The detective I spoke to said.
"Alright. I'll have someone run it by." I replied, before going down the stairs to the lobby.
"So how'd it go?" Chris asked. I took a breath.
"Alright, considering. When I told them what happened, it didn't seem like I wussed out that badly."
"Hey, cut it out. What was that about your permit?"
"Oh, they want my gun permit to get the serial number in case he tries to pawn it off some place."
"Ah, gotcha. So...you comfortable staying at home or...?"
"No, not really. Would you mind if I stayed with you? I mean..you don't have to but I don't think I--"
"Hey, Jill, no problem. Claire just left actually, she was staying with me. You can stay in her room, okay?" Chris said, holding my shoulders. I nodded, and he escorted me outside. "Look, I'll talk to them if you want. The way I see it, you followed your instincts, and just made a little mistake. Cops aren't saints, Jill. I think you could have a chance at being hired."
"Well thank you for your confidence, but..." I didn't really do anything wrong. I could spout excuses about being strung out, and thinking I was just being paranoid and they would probably understand. "I guess you're right. Thanks...for everything. I know you're pretty upset about Barry, and everything."
He sighed deeply, and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "He's like a father to me. I feel so...helpless." He admitted, as we walked into the chilly outdoors.
"Well, you kind of are helpless, Chris. You aren't a doctor, or a miracle worker..all you can really do is support Linda, and pray that he makes it out of this." I tell him, rubbing his back softly.
"I'm so used to being in control of everything. I always found a way to make things work so everyone would be happy. Why can't it be that way now?" He asked me, his eyes pleading for an answer.
"Sometimes...there just can't be a happy ending."
He nodded, and sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Yeah. I just gotta keep thinking positive, right?" He said, looking up into the night sky.
"Yeah. Barry wouldn't want you to fall into a depression. Come on, let's go home." I took his hand, and we walked together to his car. I had seen a lot of this black Camry, lately.
"So, you want to swing by your place so you can get clothes and stuff?" Chris asked, turning the engine.
"Yeah. I also have to get my permit. Are the cops going to be there?" I replied.
"Probably. Searching the place for prints, and all that garbage."
"I hope Ms. Bass didn't get scared when she found cops in her apartment."
"She's probably fine. They'll probably have her stay with her family or something until they sort things out."
I sighed and rubbed my arm mindlessly. There was a slight bruise from when the attacker twisted it behind me. I was really lucky that I walked away unscathed. "Do you...think he'd come after me again?" I asked as we neared West Creek.
"I..doubt it. The cops are crawling all over, he's not likely to hit the same spot twice. If you like..had shot him, or hurt him he might want revenge or something, but I don't think so." He replied, his fingers tapping the steering wheel.
"I did kind of kick him in the groin. From the groan, I'd say it hurt pretty badly." I said, biting my bottom lip. What would happen if he came after me again? He has my gun, he knows where I live, and knows how strong I am.
"Hey, relax. We'll get your locks changed, and make sure you're completely safe before you go home. Cheer up, Sleepy Jean." He pinched my cheek lightly, and smiled, before turning his attention back to the road.
--*--
There was yellow police tape blocking the entrance to my front yard. We got a bit of trouble from the cop guarding the place. But Chris mentioned someone's name, and that I lived there, and he let us duck under the tape. "Matt Fletcher's the guy I had my interview with." Chris informed me, as he jogged up the four steps to my door.
"Oh. I hope he doesn't get mad that you used his name to gain entry to a crime scene." I replied, pushing my door open. We climbed the steps and greeted the officers that were there.
"Miss Valentine here just needs to get a few of her things." Chris said cooly. The cops nodded, and moved out of the way so I could get to my room. I pulled a suit case from the closet and opened it, tossing it on my bed. Chris stood there, watching me. "Need any help?" He asked.
"No thanks." I answer, tossing some folded shirts into the suit case. I'm purposely avoiding the underwear drawer. "Actually, can you get me my toothbrush from the bathroom? You can stick it in a ziploc bag, they're under the sink in the kitchen."
"Yeah, sure." He heads out of the room, giving me enough time to get to the personals. I shove the whole drawer, practically, under the shirts and pants that were already in the suitcase before grabbing a bunch of socks. Opening the closet door, I look for some nice attire. If I did get this interview, I had to look professional, right? The permit for my gun was kept in my night stand, along with some other personal affects. The cops had probably looked through my diary for any clues. That's a big invasion of privacy.
"Here you go." Chris said, tossing the toothbrush into the suitcase.
"Thanks. I'll be ready to go in a minute." I tell him, unplugging my cellphone charger from the wall.
"I'll be outside, see if there were any developments, okay?" Chris said, nodding at me.
"Sure. Be right there."
Before leaving my room, I took my Garnet necklace from the bed stand and sighed. It was the only nice piece of jewelery I had from my parents. They gave it to me on my birthday when I turned 16...I think. Clasping it around my neck, I zipped the suitcase closed, and lugged it out into the hallway. Chris was talking to some people, so I went into the kitchen and got a bottle of water from the refrigerator. My phone rang, scaring me, and startling everyone else. A few officers ran in. "Should I answer it?" I asked. What if it was the guy that attacked me?
"Yeah. Go ahead. Don't give anything away, about where you're staying." An officer instructed. I slowly picked up the receiver and held it to my ear.
"Hello?" I said cautiously, expecting a gruff manly voice to answer.
"Hi, Jill!" A cheery voice greeted.
"Rebecca..hi. What's up?" The officers returned to the living room, but Chris stuck around. She told me about how she and Carlos had been spending so much quality time together, and stuff I didn't want to hear about at the moment. Then a thought struck me. She had no idea about Barry. I covered the microphone, and whispered to Chris. "You haven't been able to contact Becca about Barry, have you?" He shook his head.
"Bec, wait up. There's something you should know...it's Barry. He's in the hospital."
"What? Oh my God...I had no idea. What happened? Is he going to be okay?" She asked worriedly.
"...He most likely..won't make it. He had a severe heart attack..the damage is done. Everyone's been at the hospital, and trying to call you."
"Damn...and here I was, trying to share my happiness...w-what hospital?"
"Saint Mary's. He's in the I.C.U. They're just trying to keep him comfortable until..." I trailed off. She knew what I meant. Chris's eyes shifted to the clock. It was getting late, he probably wanted to get home.
"Wow...I can't believe this. It's so sudden." She said sadly.
"Yeah, I know. Look...I gotta go. Today's been really messed up, and I'm going to be staying at Chris's for awhile. I gotta go. Try to see Barry before he's gone, okay?"
"Yeah...okay.."
I hung up and rubbed my eyes. "She's so blindly in love. I can't believe she didn't know about Barry." I told Chris, as I pulled my coat from a chair in the kitchen.
"No one's been able to reach her. It's like she's never at home." Chris said, taking my suit case for me.
"She's totally obsessed with Carlos. Not that I mind that she's happy or whatever. But...it's messed up."
"I know. You ready to get out of here?" He asked. I nodded, and we said goodbye to the police, before walking down the stairs and out into the cold air.
We brushed past the police, and spectators towards Chris's car. He held the door open for me, and put my suit case into the trunk before climbing into the driver's seat. "You hungry?" He asked, turning the car on.
"Not really. I just kind of want to hide under a blanket for awhile." I told him truthfully. This was one of those times where I just wanted to shrink into the corner, and not have to deal with anyone, or answer any questions.
"That can be arranged." There was that slightly uncomfortable silence again. We had seen so much of each other, so we ran out of things to talk about. "You mind if I put the radio on?" He asked, driving along the rain slicked road.
"No, it's okay." I closed my eyes, trying to imagine that I was somewhere else.
Spreading out it's wings to fly,
the age passes quietly to a tiny sky
on the wind it's brought a farewell to the morning.
We pretended not to notice. Maybe...
though we played innocently somehow we saw this time coming.
"Chris...do you think Barry is going to die?"
"..Would you like me to answer you truthfully?"
"Of course. I don't want you to lie."
"Then...yes. I think he's going to die."
Don't hesitate to smile for me once more
You're so quiet today.
I want to go back to those days but...
We'll meet again, thank you.
Until then... goodbye.
"He's kind of been like a father to everyone...what is it going to be like without him?"
"Do you really want to be talking about this, Jill?"
"I'm only asking because...you lost your parents, right?"
"Yes."
"You know what it's like. What is it going to feel like?"
The flower petals scattered in the wind are laughing
and decorate our last kiss.
If you stay quiet, the tears are going to well up
so please
Don't tremble when you smile for me once more.
Raise your head.
When the new season comes,
we'll meet again, thank you for loving me.
Goodbye.
"You want to know the actual feeling? Well...you'll get a tight feeling in your chest and it'll slowly spread through your entire body, until you're completely filled with anger, and sadness, that you feel like you're going to explode. And you try so hard, so damn hard not to cry, to be strong for everyone else...but you can't."
"...how long will that last?" I regretted asking him anything in the first place. He was on the verge of tears.
"I guess it depends how deeply you care for the person. It could wear off after a few hours, or in a day, or after a week, or two...it may never go away."
"Did it go away for you?"
"Eventually. This is kind of a different situation, though Jill. I know you're still pissed off at Barry for the shit he did to you. The pain won't last."
"Don't make me sound so heartless, Chris. Even though he could have been the death of me, I wouldn't wish death upon him."
"I didn't say you would. Just that it won't hurt for that long."
Maybe he was right. As I mindlessly chewed on my thumbnail, I thought back
to those caves beneath the mansion. To that...creature that Barry sent me after.
That he abandoned me with. The sinking, nauseating feeling when I found out
he had been working for Wesker. Then I thought about what happened today. Some
criminal attacking me in what was practically my own home. My fingers travelled
to my necklace, and toyed with it as I wondered why all this was happening.
Lyrics courtesy of L'arc~en~ciel's Sayounara! I Not available at songjapan?! Outrageous!
