She had suspected it for a few weeks, but it wasn't until she sat in her doctor's office that she got the news.
Helen was pregnant and the realization of it left her with a myriad of emotions. Happiness was the greatest of them because after she'd had Sean, she had been told that she wouldn't be able to have any more children and she and Stephen had been devastated.
Sadness was another emotion because the new baby would never get to know his or her father, as Sean had been able to do.
As she sat and tried to absorb the news, she knew exactly when it had happened. Stephen had shown up at the house a few days before he died very upset and when she had tried to console him, they had ended up making love. It never occurred to her that she could get pregnant, because as often as they had made love before they separated she had never conceived.
Her final emotion was worry. How was she going to do this? At least with Sean, Stephen had been around to help her but now she was one her own.
"Helen, are you all right?" Her doctor asked.
"Surprised." She admitted.
"There are options to consider if you aren't sure about this." He told her.
Options?
"It's not a matter of if I'm going to do this, but how. I had my husband to help me with our son and he's gone now."
He cleared his throat. "I thought you and your husband were separated."
"We were. But that didn't mean he didn't help me as much as he could." Was all she told him.
He cleared his throat again. "Would it be indelicate of me to ask who the father is?"
"Stephen."
He nodded. "Do you have any family to help you?"
"My parents are close by and Stephen's fire company is helping us." She smiled.
"Well in that case I'll tell you that you're in excellent health and the pregnancy is progressing, as it should be. I'll have the nurse schedule another appointment for next month and we'll see how you're both doing." And he stood up.
Helen stood up and smiled. "Thank you Doctor." And he escorted her out of the office.
When she got home Brian was there and he waited for her on the front stoop. "So what's the verdict?"
"What are you talking about?"
He stood up and walked toward her. "I came by earlier to see how you were doing and your mom said you had a doctor's appointment."
"What's your point Brian?" Could he know?
"Helen, you're the healthiest girl I know. There's only one reason you would have to go see a doctor." He smiled at her.
"I'd really rather not talk about this right now." She frowned at him and had the sudden urge to cry as she unlocked the front door and went inside.
Brian followed her in. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you ."
She sat down on the sofa and sighed. "Stephen's the father." She felt the need to tell him. "And I was thinking what would I have done if he hadn't died. We separated because I didn't like the chances he was taking and I had to think about Sean. What if he had survived? What would we have done?"
Brian sat down next to her and took her hand. "Are you thinking about not having it?"
"Of course not. I just can't help but wonder what we would have done as a family."
"He loved you Helen."
She nodded. "I know he did Brian and in spite of everything, I loved him too. But he was risking his life in a way that he never had before and that terrified me. I don't think our having another baby would have changed that."
"I wasn't around much when Sean was little but I'll be around for this one, I promise."
"I appreciate that. But in the meantime, I need to tell Sean."
"When's he getting home?"
"Dad got tickets to a Bears game, so he wanted to take him." She smiled. "Stephen always wanted to take him to a Bull's game, but they were never here when he had time off."
"I can do that if you want me to." Brian offered.
Helen shook her head. "It wouldn't be the same. It was something special that he always wanted to do with Sean."
"You know I'll always be here if you need me." And he stood up.
She stood up next to him and smiled. "Thank you Brian. Sean needs to get to know you."
Helen walked him to the door and he kissed her cheek before he stepped outside. "It's going to be all right."
All she could manage was a nod before she waved goodbye and closed the door behind him.
"So we finally did it." A familiar voice asked softly.
She didn't know how, but Stephen was there. He wore the same shirt and jeans that he'd worn the night he showed up so unexpectedly at the house.
She stood in absolute confusion. "How?"
"Because you're worried about this new baby and you shouldn't be. Dad didn't have his folks to help him with us, but you've got yours."
"Why now?"
"I don't know, but what is it that you always tell Sean? Everything happens for a reason."
"What would we have done?"
"We would have done the best we could, the same way we tried with Sean."
"What about us?"
He seemed to understand. "You couldn't live with the way I did things any more and I don't know that I could have changed."
"Not even with a new baby?" She frowned.
"That's something we'll never know, will we?" He sighed. "I couldn't do it for Sean and I don't know that I could have done it for the baby either."
"Well at least you're honest about it."
He sighed again. "I was always honest with you about how I did my job."
"And family be damned." She felt her anger rise and even though she grieved for him, remembered why she filed for the separation.
"You knew what you were getting into when you married me Helen." He reasoned with her.
"I thought I did and that isn't your fault." She conceded.
"Just take care of yourself and Sean and the baby." Stephen asked her before he turned toward the kitchen.
"Sean misses you." She said so he would stop.
He did and turned back around. "I miss him too."
"He's having a hard time understanding all of it." She could feel her eyes sting with tears.
She didn't know how, but she was suddenly in his arms and he held her close. "Just be the mother to him that you've always been."
Helen nodded and when she began to cry, she heard him sigh. "I always hated it when you did that."
"I know. You never did know how to handle it when I did."
He loosened his hold on her. "I've got to go Helen, I just wanted to check on you ."
She stepped away and tried to smile. "If we have another boy, I'll never forgive you."
"Will you forgive me if they go into the family business?" He was serious.
Helen sighed. "If it's what they want to do, I won't be able to stop them."
"If they're anything like you, you're probably right." He smiled.
"Sean doesn't get that stubborn streak from me Stephen." She smiled back.
"He gets it from both of us and the baby probably will too. Goodbye Helen." He leaned over and kissed her before he headed into the kitchen before the door swung closed behind him.
Helen rushed after him but when she pushed open the door, he wasn't there. She stood there for a moment before she shook her head. "It's just like you to leave before we've finished a discussion, Stephen."
"Because I could never win." She heard his voice tell her.
"That's true." She answered him with a smile before she turned around and walked out of the kitchen.
