No Balm For Grief 5

By: Hotaru

Notes: I'm pleasantly suprised and satisfied with the ending of this chapter. More japanese music of course. Originally, I used a different song, but it didn't seem quite right, so I replaced it with Anemone (which I now know how to pronounce. Hee). Get it here:

To the reviewers:

ScoobySnax: Shocker! We'll see who it is, I'll keep you guessing. Heh heh heh.

Dayon: I'll try to update quicker. Glad you like!

Tek: Both you and my sister mentioned that remark...heehee.

Panny: Yeah, I hate past/present tense. It's stupid and confuses me. My reviews your reviews

Kez: Thanks! Here's a chapter!

It was the morning after the attack. I woke up, in an unfamiliar place, and lay there, dumbfounded until I realized where I was. I could hear someone talking in the next room. Chris...he was on the phone with someone. Upon hearing my name, I crept out of bed, and stood near the open door way.

"If you wouldn't mind, Sir, I'd really like to be on this case." Was he talking about the West Creek Attacker case? I guess he got the job... "Well, my friend is involved, and I'd really like the opportunity to take this guy down...yes, I understand, and if I'm stepping out of line, then I'm sorry...yes. I understand...really? Thank you, sir. Thanks...sure, I got it. Twelve? Okay, no problem. Thank you."

He sounded quite grateful, so I'm assuming his boss let him join the case. I guess that was a good thing, but then again, I didn't know how good of a crime solver he was. Walking out to the hall, I smiled in his direction, before going into the bathroom.

"Morning, Jill." He greeted.

"Morning." I replied, rubbing my eyes tiredly. "What time is it?"

"A quarter to eleven. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, suprisingly." I closed the door, so I could pee, and he stayed on the other side of the door.

"I was just on the phone with that Matt Fletcher guy. I got the job." He said, his voice muffled a bit.

"Congratulations." I say, flushing the toilet, and turning the water on in the sink.

"Thanks. I ah...actually, I asked him if I could be on the Attacker case, and he agreed."

"Really?" I said, accidentally spitting some toothpaste onto the mirror in front of me.

"Yeah, it's great. I wanted to be involved, find out who tried to hurt you. And I figured it'd get my mind off things." I nodded, as if he could see me, while brushing my teeth.

"Well, I hope you get the guy." I said, although it didn't sound like that.

"What?"

Spitting the toothpaste from my mouth, I repeated myself more clearly. "Oh, yeah. That'd be great, wouldn't it?" He must feel proud.

"Sure. So are you going down to the station today?" I asked, rinsing my mouth out, and splashing some water on my face.

"Yeah, at twelve. You want to get some breakfast before we go? Or I go?"

"Sure." I opened the door to the bathroom and smiled, quite aware that my hair was a bit messy.

"Do you want to come? To the station, I mean?"

I shrugged, and went back to my new room. "I don't know what good I'll do there. I told you guys everything I know, I'd probably just be in the way."

"It's your choice. Maybe you can see how Linda and the kids are doing?" He suggested, glancing around the room.

"Yeah, maybe." He walked to the night stand and picked up my Garnet necklace.

"Is this yours?" He asked, admiring it.

"Yeah. Sweet Sixteen present." I answered.

"Oh. I figured that. I thought it might be Claire's but her birthstone's a diamond." He put the necklace back down, and grinned.

"What's yours?" I asked.

"Pearl...June." He replied. "Well, I'll let you get changed, and whatever." I nodded, and stayed sitting until he closed the door, and I heard his footsteps fade away. I hadn't bothered to unpack my clothes last night, since I was feeling drained. Tossing the suitcase on the bed, I unzipped it, and pulled on one of the drawers in the dresser across from the bed. After putting a pair of jeans, and a light blue shirt, I put my clothes away. They fit in two drawers, making me realize I'd probably have to go back home before long.

--*--

Chris drove to the nearest International House of Pancakes to treat me to a big breakfast. Truth be told, the most I've been having in the mornings was cereal, or eggs. Having a big feast would be nice for a change. We were seated at a booth, and given two menus by a foreign waiter. I wasn't sure what I wanted. Everything looked so tempting. In the end, I just got a combination of pancakes, eggs, and bacon.

"So, I called the hospital last night, and talked to Linda for awhile. She seems to be taking things well." Chris said, while we waited for our food.

"Yeah? That's good. Have a lot of people been by?" I asked, straightening the sugar packets.

"She only mentioned a few people stopping by, mostly the ones who were at the party. I think her sister's watching the kids."

"Poor girls. I bet they have no idea what's going on."

He nodded tapping along to the drum beat of the song on the radio. "So how are you? Settling down?" He asked, looking up at me.

"...yeah. Relaxing a bit." I was still a little shaken up, but not the 'looking around your shoulder every five feet' kind of shaken up.

"That's good. I was worried you might be..." He trailed off, looking for the right words.

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"I just figured that with all this stuff piling on you, you might feel overwhelmed."

I smiled at his concern. "Nope, I'm fine." He looked around the restaurant, eyeing signs for new dishes and the likes. "So, Rebecca's pretty head over heels for Carlos, now."

"Is that right? They sure hit it off." He commented, frowning briefly.

"You don't have to be worried for her. He's a decent guy. Saved my life, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah. One of your 'heroes'."

"Chris...are you jealous?" I questioned, acting astonished.

He rested his elbows on the table. "No...you just..spoke so highly of Richard at the funeral, and now about Carlos being so 'decent'. When are you gonna toss some compliments my way?"

"Chris, come on...you know that you saved me. And if it weren't for you, then Carlos wouldn't have had to save me cause I'd be dead. I'm eternally grateful to you, but I can't ignore everyone else's contributions to my well being." I put my hand on top of his.

"Yeah. Anyway...here comes the food." He was always playful when ever other people were mentioned...other guys. He'd joke about things, usually getting me to laugh or something. This seemed different, though. Maybe he was feeling guilty about not being there for me last night.

--*--

I hated being in the hospital again. Everything seemed so surreal. The floors were too clean, the people seemed like zombies almost. Milling about, with only one thing on their mind: helping patient after patient. I wondered if they really cared about the families once they were finished. They say either "Good news, they're going to make it" or "I'm sorry, we used all of our facilities but there was nothing we could do", walk away, and let the family grieve. Did they really care at the end of the day? Did they care that Barry would be leaving behind a wife and two children who depended on him?

As I walked, it seemed like I went slower and slower as I neared the room Barry was being kept in. The hallway was long, my heeled feet were making soft click's on the floor. I knew Linda would be in there, holding his hand, waiting for him to wake up. I heard footsteps behind me. Someone running. I turned, and Rebecca nearly crashed into me. "Jill! I didn't know you were coming here too." She said, breathlessly.

"Same here. Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. Just ran all the way here." She rested her hands on her knees, breathing deeply before straightening. "Which room is he in?"

"Six E. Near the end." I answered, knowing she'd drag me along so she could do her consoling. "Where's Carlos?"

"He's going to be busy today. Renovating, or something, I can't really remember. Look what he got me." She held up her right hand, and revealed a small ring on her thumb with a purple stone.

"Whats this for?"

"Well, it's his birthstone. He said he got the ring awhile ago but thought purple was too girly a color, so it had been sitting around his apartment for awhile." She answered, admiring the pretty little thing.

"Oh. That's nice...did he lend it to you or...?" I asked, as we arrived at 6E.

"No, he gave it to me actually. So now, I have to get him something with a sapphire. We're switching birthstones." She smiled, before knocking on the door.

"Yes.." Linda's voice answered. She sounded so depressed. "Come in."

We entered the room, and I had to fight not to cringe. Barry's skin had paled, his lips were dry and cracked. It seemed like he was wasting away. "I'm so sorry, Linda." Rebecca consoled, giving the older woman a hug.

"Thanks, sweet heart. Have a seat. You can pray with me." Linda replied, wiping her eyes.

"So how's he doing?"

"Not any better. The doctors say...he could last forever like this. I don't want him to suffer, having a machine breathing for him."

"Have you...decided about the uh..." I suddenly couldn't find the words I was looking for. You can't ask a wife to let her husband die.

"The D.N.R.? I've thought a lot about it. I want...to talk to the girls about it, but they're too young to understand that it might be better to let Daddy go, then to keep him alive and suffering."

Rebecca was silent, looking at Barry sadly. "Does he have any family you could talk to about it?" She asked. Linda shook her head.

"I was going to gather you all together to see what you think I should do." She answered.

"You shouldn't have to make this decision alone." I added. In a sense, she was alone.


"If you want, I can call everyone up, and ask them to come by. They can..pray with you, try to help you with your decision." I offered.

"Would you? I think that would be great. Give everyone a chance to see him...once more." She said, with a small nod. I think that in her heart she had already made the decision to let him go. She just couldn't bring herself to actually make it official.

"Okay. If you don't mind, I'll go do that...you'll stay right, Becca?" I said, backing towards the door. She nodded, and held Linda's hand. "Okay...call my cell phone in about an hour or so, okay?" She nodded again. I quickly left the room, walking back down the hallway much quicker than before. My address book was left at home. Even though I didn't want to go back there, there wasn't much else I could do. I was too afraid to stay there with her.

I was relieved to find only a few officers around. My apartment was empty, but I could hear them downstairs. I went right to the kitchen, and pulled open a drawer full of stationary supplies. The address book was all the way in the back, and stuck on something. Yanking it out, I flipped through it, making sure I had everyone's numbers. Stuffing it into my purse, I made my way back outside towards the train station. Thankfully, Chris lived nearby and it wouldn't be too far to walk from the train stop.

Chris had put the key to his place on my keyring sometime without me noticing. I was thankful, or else I would be locked out, ready to play the part of the West Creek victim. Thankfully, his apartment didn't seem as dreary as mine did. Settling down in the kitchen, I took the phone and dialed the first number. /A...Aiken. I hope Lacy doesn't pick up.../ I dialed the number and held my breath. She answered. Damn it all.

"Hi, Lacy..it's Jill." I said.

"Oh...hi." She sounded so thrilled to hear from me.

"I'm..sorry to call you but Linda wanted everyone to come to the hospital for a little prayer service for Barry."

"Is that right..."

"She also would like everyone's help in deciding whether or not to sign a D.N.R.."

"Oh...I don't know if I can't make it. It's been so...bad lately."

"I understand. Don't feel obliged to come, but I figured that since you couldn't go to the party...anyway. If you do come, everyone will appreciate it."

"Alright. Bye."

I made several calls like that, everyone seemed to agree to come. Unfortunately, I couldn't get through to Carlos. He would answer, and I could hear noise in the background but he didn't say anything. I thought of stopping by to see if things were alright, but I had to get back to the hospital.

Surrounded by the kindness of the dear people,
I take off towards you.
With those shining memories engraved in my heart,
the wind pushes me to the road which continues to the port.

I think of that dear person
my feelings will last through the winter.

--*--

Much to my suprise, a few people had showed up already. I was pleased to see Raian Frost and Cecelia Sullivan. "You're fast." I remarked, stepping into the gloomy hospital room. "There wasn't anything else to do." Raian commented.

"I called all the other families, they said they'd try to make it." I told Linda, who now was clutching a box of tissues.

"Thank you." They had formed a semi-circle around Barry's bed with chairs. "Come, everyone sit and take hands. We'll pray for Barry."

The glorious season
Ah, the boat leaves for a destination unknown
without waiting for the flowers to bloom.
No one will put out the quietly burning flame.
The little ship crossing the seas,
seeks a far away land with all its hope.
Ah, my wish is but one,
to entrust my eternal vow to those hands.

I took a seat between Rebecca and Raian. Their hands were warm, compared to mine. "Dear God.." Linda began, trying hard not to cry. "Please...don't take my husband. He's a good man...I know he hasn't been perfect, but he doesn't deserve to die. His children need him, I need him. His friends are here, praying with me...is there even a way to convince you not to take my poor Barry?"

Now the sounding of the bell tells me its that time.
Ah, Anemone.. Ah my Anemone.

"He's 38 years old...he told me how he wanted a 40th birthday party this December, instead of next December, because he wanted to just get it over with. He was eager to live, and grow old with me and our girls. And now, Lord, you give me this decision. How can I call myself a child of God if I make my husband suffer, just so I don't? I asked everyone here so that I could decide my poor husband's fate. I have made my decision, God. Human medicine can do nothing more for him. It's up to you now."

I'm taking off to you towards the time
when that hill blooms red

I'm taking off toward you
Ah...toward you.