Epilogue:
Helen McCaffrey stood at the window of her suburban Chicago home and watched the last of the cars drive away.
It was with a sense of deja vu that she watched them because the last time there was a gathering of Stephen's friends and their family at the house was after his funeral. It had been a cold, foggy and damp fall day and at the time seemed a fitting to say goodbye to him.
But this late fall day was sunny and warm and her new daughter had been baptized that morning in the same church where she and Stephen were married and he was buried from. It was the same church where Sean had also been baptized and would soon receive his First Holy Communion.
She asked Brian to be her godfather and named her for Stephen and Brian's mother, Mary Elizabeth McCaffrey. Brian was hesitant to accept because he told Helen that he hadn't stepped foot in a church since Stephen's funeral and he wasn't exactly the best example for his baby niece to follow.
She trumped him though when she said that it was something that Stephen would have wanted. Brian wasn't too sure about that and told her so, so she asked him to do it for her. That he couldn't refuse and he ultimately agreed.
Helen turned from the window and began to pickup the cups and plates. She carried them out to the kitchen and stacked them in the sink before she walked back out to the living room. She met Brian as he came downstairs with his niece in his arms.
"You're getting really good at that." She smiled at him.
"She looks just like Stephen." He commented to her. "She has those same blue eyes that he did."
Helen leaned in to look at her daughter and nodded. "She's got his hair too, I think. It's a little too thin to tell just yet."
Brian laughed. "Did you see the guys from the 17th when they got a look at her? I've never seen so many stupid faces on a bunch of grown men."
Helen smiled in return. "They told me that they had christened Mary as their good luck charm."
"And I know why because it's the weirdest thing. Ever since you and Sean came to the 17th to have Stephen's engine dedicated to him, we haven't had one of our guy's die."
She was more than a little skeptical. "And they think it's because of Mary? I think that's a bit of a stretch Brian."
"I don't know Helen. Firefighters are a superstitious bunch and if they believe it's because of her I wouldn't argue with them."
"And do they honestly think that she's going to keep them all safe?"
Brain shrugged his shoulders. "That's something you'd have to ask them. I'm not the superstitious type."
She put her hands on her hips. "So according to them, my daughter was keeping them safe even before she was born?"
"That's about it." And he turned his attention to his niece who seemed to be grabbing at his chest. "Uh, Helen I don't think this is something I can take care of."
"You really are getting good at this." She laughed because he had rightly guessed that it was time for Mary's afternoon feeding. "Have a seat Brian because you're going to feed your niece."
The look on his face was priceless. "I don't exactly have the equipment to do that."
"That's why bottles were invented Uncle Brian. I keep some milk in the refrigerator for occasions like this. I did it for Stephen so he could feed Sean and I'm doing it for you so you can feed Mary." And she walked out to the kitchen just as her daughter started to cry.
"Helen." The panicked voice of Brian came through the door.
"Just walk her around until I get the bottle heated." She smiled to herself because he sounded just like Stephen.
"He'll get the hang of it." The voice of Mary's father startled her so much that she nearly dropped the bottle. "It'll be good practice for him when he has kids of his own."
Helen turned to see Stephen standing in front of the sink and he was wearing his Sunday suit. "Were you there?"
"Of course I was. You didn't think I was going to miss my daughter's baptism did you?" He told her quietly. "She's a beauty Helen; she looks just like you."
She looked at him in disbelief. "I don't know what baby you were looking at Stephen McCaffrey, but she looks just like you and she's probably going to be just as stubborn."
He laughed softly. "For your sake, I hope not."
"I haven't seen you since I found out that we were going to have another baby. Why now?" She was curious.
"Because I asked and because this is the last time I can come. It's time for me to move on Helen and go be with Mom and Dad. The way it was explained to me was that with you having my baby and being so worried about that, I needed to stay. But now that she's here and Brian is her godfather I can leave."
"She's a good baby Stephen. I just wish you could have gotten to watch her grow up."
"I know Helen, me too. But I will watch her from wherever it is I end up. I was told that Mom was really touched that you named Mary after her. Thank you."
"I always liked your Mom. She could never quiet figure out what it was that I saw in you." She joked. "She always said that you were much too serious and I needed someone who could laugh."
He nodded. "She was right and if she hadn't died right after graduation, I might have been able to do that."
She checked the bottle and it was almost ready. "She'd be proud of the way you finished raising Brian; you're Dad too. I know it was hard on you, but I also know that you would have walked through a burning building without your turnout coat on than let anyone take Brian away from you."
"You always understood that."
"It's because I loved you."
"I know that and if I hadn't been such an ass, I might have been able to let you know that." He sighed.
The bottle was ready and Helen started out to the living room with it before she turned around. "Don't go anywhere. If this really is your last time, I want to say goodbye."
"I'll be here." He promised before she turned back around and walked into the living room. She found Brian standing at the window with his niece still in his arms and he was talking to her.
"Brian." She said quietly. "Here's her bottle." And she handed it to him.
"Thanks." He smiled at her and put the bottle in the baby's mouth. She took it right away and Helen put a hand on his shoulder.
"While you feed her, I'm going to clean up the kitchen."
"Don't worry about us, we're fine." Brian assured her and Helen headed back to the kitchen.
As he promised, Stephen was still there. "I've got to shove off Helen."
"Please tell your parents that I said hello and that I think of them." She requested.
"I'll do that."
"Take care of yourself." She said needlessly.
He smiled at her. "I don't need to worry about that anymore, remember?"
"How would you like to hold your daughter before you go?" Brian was there in the doorway. "I thought I was hearing things and decided to come see for myself."
"You can see him?" Helen asked.
"As plain as I see you." He told her before he turned to Stephen. "I dreamed about you the other night."
Stephen smiled. "That wasn't a dream little brother, I was there. I wanted to look in on you and see how you were doing, but I wasn't able to see you the way Helen could."
"Then why now?"
"The hell if I know." And he waited as Brian brought the baby over to him. He looked at Helen a little uncertainly. "I don't think I remember how."
"Of course you do." She reassured him.
Brian handed the baby to him and the look on Stephen's face was one that Helen would never forget. It was a mix of happiness and pride, with a lot of sadness tossed in because he knew this would be the only chance that he would get to hold his daughter. He began to rock her and then he smiled. "All right Mary Elizabeth McCaffrey, this is your father talking here. I want you to be good for your mother and don't be a pain in the ass like I was. She's a good woman and she deserved better than me, but for some reason she loved me. Even when things were bad she loved me. So I want you to love her back and know how much I love you too." And he leaned over to kiss her forehead before he handed the baby back to Brian. "Thanks man, I really appreciate that."
Brian stuck his hand out and Stephen took it and Helen could see that the old animosities were gone. Brian had explained to her months before that he and Stephen had made their peace on the way to the hospital and she was finally able to see it for herself.
"I'm going to take Mary upstairs and finish feeding her. Say hi to Mom and Dad when you get there." And he walked out of the kitchen.
"He's going to be okay." Stephen seemed to say it more to himself than to Helen.
"Well now that you've had the chance to hold your daughter, are you?" She asked.
"Yeah. Now I can go, knowing that I got a chance to hold her and tell Mom and Dad about it." He seemed to be fading out before he faded back in.
It was time for him to go and Helen knew he wanted to ask her something, but couldn't gather up the nerve. So on pure instinct as to what he wanted she walked over to him and put her arms around his neck. He put his arms around her waist and held her close and she knew she'd been right. She didn't know how long they stood there before she felt his grasp loosen. Helen thought he was going to let her go, but he leaned over and kissed her. It was like the kisses from when they were first married and it made her heart stop for a moment.
"I just didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about those days." He told her after he broke the contact. "If I'd cared more about how those made me feel and less about being a firefighter, things might have turned out different."
"Or maybe not. You can't beat yourself up over what can't be changed. You've made your peace with Brian and you've made your peace with me. We have a beautiful little girl that I'm going to raise the best I can and she'll know who you were, so please don't worry about that."
"We really have made our peace." It came out as a statement, not as a question.
"Yes."
"Then it's all right for me to go?"
She nodded. "It's all right now Stephen."
"I'd like to look in on Mary one last time if that's all right."
Helen smiled at him. "Of course it is. Go say good bye to your daughter."
He leaned over and kissed her. "I love you Helen." And he walked out of the kitchen and headed up the stairs.
She followed him out and stood at the foot of the stairs. "I love you too Stephen."
He turned for a moment and smiled at her and when he continued up the stairs, he disappeared.
She told him the truth when she said they'd made their peace because her world seemed to finish righting itself as she watched her husband disappear.
Life really was full of surprises and she got a good one.
