Three Love Stories
Sometimes he still wakes up screaming. He feels like he can't breathe, or move; he feels like he is screaming her name and she isn't answering. His nerves are on fire, and his body aches painfully.
Sometimes he wakes up and forgets, and is half-way through dialing her number to before he remembers and slams the phone down into the cradle.
Sometimes he wakes up, and covers his face with his hands, and sobs.
Lucas & Haley
Three Months Earlier…
He tries to deny it.
He remembers how in the hospital, he rocked her back and forth as she cried. He wanted to kiss her tears away and bring his mouth close to hers and say, it will be all right.
He tries to deny it.
After all, he's always watched her, how her body curves when she bends to hit the ball in mini golf; it's not unusual that sometimes he curves his body over hers and clasps her hands in his around the golf club and helps her.
He tries to deny it.
It's not wrong to like to hold her, to feel her warmth, and to have her skin touch his like electric shocks. It's not wrong when she needs it, when she's so sad that he can feel it. It's not wrong to wrap his arms around her if she needs it.
He tries to deny it.
But he can't.
He can't deny the thrill he feels when she enters the room, or how his stomach drops and his hands clench in jealousy when he sees her with Nathan. He can't deny that he watches her body move, and how the sun shines on her hair. And at night, he thinks of her, and dreams of her.
* * *
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" Haley says, pulling Nathan to his feet and making him run belong side of her.
"Haley…," he says, "Where are we going?"
"You'll see," she says, and stops to kiss him.
She begins to skip off again. "Haley!" he yells, "What does that even mean?"
She turns around and grabs him by the hand and says, "C'mon!"
He sighs, and follows.
When they get to the café, she covers his eyes with her hands. "Haley," he protests.
"Be quiet." Her hands feel soft against his eyelids.
* * *
Nathan loves Haley. He hasn't told her in so many words yet, but he does.
Nathan needed and wanted Haley before he even knew her; when he realized it, he thought Yes. This right; this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.
He remembers he once asked her, "Can I be honest with you?"
"Uh," she had said. "I don't know. You tell me."
And even then she listened to him, and for reasons unexplained to even himself, he began telling her everything.
Nathan loves Haley. He hasn't told her that in so many words, but he does.
One day he'll tell her. He'll run his fingers through her hair and say, "Haley, I love you."
* * *
Peyton stares out the window at the slowly drifting marshmallow clouds, wonders what it would be like to fly into the sky and devour one – would it fill her so much that her body could no longer hold her soul and she's have to pop out, free at last? She turns from the window and sees Jake; she turns back to the window.
* * *
She uncovers his eyes, and says, "Happy Birthday!"
He looks around from Lucas, who he's finally become friends with, to Peyton, to Jake, to Brooke, to Tim, to his mother. "Haley," he says. "I didn't even tell you that today was my birthday."
"I know. Your mom did. She said you probably wouldn't tell me."
Nathan kisses her. "Thank you."
* * *
Lucas watches Haley with Nathan.
He doesn't know when he realized that he wanted her. Maybe he's always known. He remembers the one time he kissed her, when they were thirteen, and the secret thrill he had when he was holding her and tasting the sweetness of her lips.
Afterwards they bought a gallon of orange soda and stained their teeth. They never spoke of The Event again.
Haley comes over to sit with him.
"Hey. How are you?" she asks.
"Fine," he says. Haley looks at her hands. "Haley…," he says, and she looks up at him and says, "Yeah?"
Do you remember that time on my porch when I kissed you?
"Never mind," he finally says.
* * *
"Peyton…" Jake says as he approaches her.
Peyton doesn't want to talk to him; when he talks to her legs feel weak, and she hate that. Peyton can't stand being weak.
Peyton has to be strong.
* * *
After the party, Haley stops by Lucas's house.
When they are alone in his room, he grabs her and pulls her to him and wraps his arms around her. He closes his eyes and buries his face in her hair. He tells himself that friends do this all the time and ignores the voice telling him that it's wrong. He wishes he could stop, but he can't.
