Chapter 14

Margaret was awake reading a magazine and saw the look on his face. "It's for the conference."

His face immediately softened. "Oh. Thank you."

"Uh huh."

"Why did you do that?"

"I wanted to make sure you had everything that you needed."

"Oh."

"I set your alarm for four." She placed her magazine on the table and shut off her lamp. Hawkeye got into bed and got as comfortable as he could on his side of the bed. She was lying as far away as she could, telling him she didn't want to be touched.

"Goodnight," he mumbled.

"Goodnight."

**********

That morning Hawkeye rolled out of bed when his alarm went off. He cursed it, but got out of bed and jumped into the shower. He let the water wake him up for a while before he got out. He hadn't noticed the night before that Margaret had also laid out his clothes for the day too. He stepped into them and then went to make himself some coffee. He checked in on both of the boys and whispered goodbye to them. He wouldn't get to see them until Friday. He took a moment and watched each of them sleep and then went back to get his coffee. Noticing that there was still a mess in the living room, he picked up the trash and the dishes and brought them to the kitchen.

It was time for him to go and catch his flight, so he downed his coffee as quickly as he could and then went back into the bedroom to get his suitcase. Margaret was lying on her side hugging a pillow. He sighed; he really hated fight with her. He bent down and gave her a kiss on the head. "I love you."

"Love you," she mumbled back. "Call me when you get there."

"I will. Bye."  At least he knew she still loved him.  Maybe she was over it now.

"Bye." She drifted back to sleep.

**&*&*&*&*&*&*&**

Less than an hour later, Margaret's alarm clock went off.  Normally Hawkeye would have nudged her to shut it off and then go back to sleep, but he wasn't there.  She rolled out of bed reluctantly and shut the alarm off.  This morning she had to get herself ready and then the boys too.  Most mornings all she had to worry about was herself, but not this week. 

After jumping in the shower she got dressed as quickly as she could and then went to wake the boys up.  Danny was a pain to get out of bed and didn't want to cooperate with her when it came to getting dressed and brushing his teeth.  He fought her every step of the way.  Matt was fine for the time being.  He was just happy to have his diaper changed and get a morning bottle.  It was always nice to see his mother in the morning too.

She made the boys some breakfast and sat down and ate with them.  When she was finished she cleaned up while they continued to eat, and then she changed Matt into a pair of clothes.  If she didn't get going she was going to be late for work and then she would be in a lot of trouble. 

"Danny, get your things ready."

"But I don't want to go," he whined.

"You're going to school.  Mommy has to go to work and Daddy left for his conference.  Now get your shoes on."

"Mommy!"

"Now Daniel!  Don't make me tell you again."

"Fine," he mumbled.

"Daniel!"

"Yes ma'am."  He corrected himself.

Margaret was sitting on the couch putting shoes and a coat on the baby.  He was being cooperative for the moment, but she knew that wouldn't last long.  Once they got to the daycare, he always changed.  Hawkeye was the one that would bring him, but now it was up to her.  She had to do it and listen to her baby cry as she walked away.  Just the thought of it was stressing her out.

"Danny," she hollered.

"What?"  He asked softly.  He was standing right behind her.

"I'm sorry.  I didn't see you there, honey.   Are you ready to go?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Go get your coat on."  She sat Matt down on the floor for a moment and stood to grab her own jacket and put it on.  She gathered the baby back into her arms once again and then grabbed her purse and the diaper bag.  She held out Danny's book bag for him.  "All set?"

"Yes."

The first stop was to drop Danny off at preschool.  She walked him to his class room and made sure he was okay and then she and Matt walked over to his daycare down the street.  She talked to him as they walked pleading with him not to cry when he was dropped off, but that failed.  He became very clingy as they walked into the room and then didn't want to let go of her.  Once she pealed him off of her she had to leave.  The caretakers had to hold him back because he tried to crawl after her.  Margaret walked out as fast she could wiping her own tears as she went.  She was glad that Hawkeye was the one that normally dropped the boys off because if she had to go through that everyday with the baby she would just quite her job and stay home.  Matt was fine once his parents were gone for a few minutes and he really enjoyed playing with the other babies, but he threw a fit when his parents left him.

When she arrived at work that morning she was five minutes late, but no one seemed to notice.  She tossed her things into her locker and got ready to go strait to the OR.  She was there when she had to be, and no one was the wiser.  She went through the routine surgery just fine and when she got out she had a message from Hawkeye.  He had arrived safely.

After the first surgery Margaret was cornered by Dr. Williams.  He asked her to go to lunch with him and she politely declined.  It would have been strictly platonic, but it still would have made Hawkeye mad.  She told him that she had to pick up her son and had some things to do.  After a few more minutes of trying to convince her that she should have lunch with him, he finally gave up.  She had one more surgery to do that afternoon and then she went to pick up the baby.

It was a hectic day and it stayed that way all day.  Once the boys were home all they did was fight.  Danny was in a bad mood all day, and he had no patience for his brother.  Margaret was a little on edge and didn't have much patience for the fighting.  She finally put the baby in his highchair while she made dinner. It kept the two of them apart.

"Mommy," Danny said walking into the room.  "Can we call Daddy?"

"Honey, I've been trying.  He must still be in a meeting."

"I want to try."

Margaret had her hands full at the moment and couldn't try to call.  "You'll have to wait until after dinner."

"Please Mom.  I just want to try."

"Not right now."

Danny's eyes narrowed.  "Fine," he spat and then he walked off.


Margaret rolled her eyes.  She didn't want to deal with that at the moment so she let him get away with that.  For someone who wasn't her biological child, Danny acted like her at times.  It was learned, not inherited.  "Why is your brother in a bad mood today?  Did he get up on the wrong side of the bed?"  Matt smiled and jabbered with her.  He was still smiling and in a good mood.

After dinner was cleaned up and things around the house were a little more settled, they tried to call Hawkeye again.  No one picked up in his room once again, and Danny's mood became worse.  Margaret tried to take his mind off of his father, but it didn't work.  The more Danny mentioned his father, the more Matt started to understand.  By this time their father would have been home and have been there for a while spending time with the boys.

By 8:30 the boys were sleeping, finally.  Their moods were not pleasant and neither was their mother's.  That night was a glimpse of what things would be like the rest of the week.  After the boys were in bed Hawkeye finally called.  It wasn't a very pleasant conversation to say the least.

The next morning was a repeat of the first.  Margaret was going crazy.  If she wasn't dealing with the boys, she was cursing Hawkeye for various things. While she was working her mind was in her husband.  The more she thought about him, the angrier she became.  They were fighting over something that never happened, but now all that was building.  She was kicking herself for not trying to fix things sooner.  Now things were messed up more than they should have been.  She was angry, he was angry; the boys were upset and confused.  It was all unnecessary because they were too stubborn to talk things out.

****

Margaret was standing in the scrub room washing up after her last surgery.  She could be on her way home now.  Dr, Williams walked up nest to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.  "I think your hands are clean."

Margaret looked down realizing that she had been scrubbing her hands for a good five minutes while she was lost in thought.  "Could you hand me a towel please?"

"Isn't that your job?"  He said with a smug smile.

Margaret held back the fighting urge to roll her eyes and give him a piece of her mind, but she chose not to.  Instead she reached for a towel, but he handed it to her before she could.  "Thank you," she mumbled.

"Something wrong?"

"No."

"How would you like to go out to lunch with me?"

"I don't think so.  My husband wouldn't appreciate that."  She tossed the towel in a nearby hamper and took off her mask doing the same.

"Your husband isn't here."

She was well aware of that.  "No, thank you."

"Margaret Houlihan…"

"Pierce," she corrected sharply as she moved toward the door.

He stepped in front of her but not before cringing lightly at the correction.  "Okay.  Margaret Pierce, would you please go to lunch with me?"

She stood her ground and looked at him.  "Look Dr. Williams, you're a nice man and I'm sure I would have an enjoyable time eating lunch with you, but my husband doesn't like it when I date.  Excuse me."  She pushed him to side and made her way to the nurses' lounge to gather her things and head off to get Matt.

When she arrived at the daycare Matt crawled over to her as fast as his little arms and legs would allow him.  She picked him up and gave him a kiss.  One of the daycare attendants walked over to Margaret with the baby's coat and diaper bag.  "How was he today?"

"Not his normal self.  He didn't want to play with the other children.  All he wanted was to be held.  I thought he may be getting sick."

Margaret felt the baby's head and took a good look at him.  "He's fine.  I think he just misses his daddy."  She started to get him all bundled up to go out into the cold.

"Aww, poor little guy.  When is Dr. Pierce due back?"

"Friday morning.  I may just have Matt stay home with him all day."

"I'm sure he'd love that."

Margaret smiled.  "Thank you.  I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Bye.  Bye Matt."

After the baby was all set Margaret slung the diaper bag and her purse securely over her shoulder and adjusted Matt as best as she could.  He just clung to her laying his head on her shoulder and her arms wrapped around his neck.  Normally he was very alert and happy, but he was different today.

When Margaret arrived home she tried to but the baby down, but he didn't want anything to do with that.  All he wanted was his mother.  She tired to get him some lunch, but he threw a fit when she put him in his high chair.  He was having a bad day and was so was she.  She did the only thing she could do which was hold him and do what she would with him in his arms.  She had had a lot of practice doing that when he was a newborn, but he was a lot heavier now.

Matt didn't go down for his nap until close to two o'clock.  She didn't want to wake him up to go get Danny, so she called the mother of one of Danny's friends and asked her if she could pick him up and bring him home.  The woman didn't have a problem with it because Margaret had done the same for her numerous times.  They had become pretty good friends since the boys started school two months ago.  It was nice to have a back up.

Once Danny arrived home at three o'clock he started right in on asking to call his father.  Margaret tried to tell him that Hawkeye was in meetings, but his four year old mind couldn't comprehend that.  He continued to ask every ten minutes if his father was there yet.  She gave in and started to call the hotel.  Much to her surprise Hawkeye picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hawk?"

"Yes."  Of course it was him.  It was his room.

"What are you doing there?"

"I skipped out on a conference."

She rolled her eyes, but kept her comments to herself for the moment.  "Danny wants to talk to you."

"Why did you call me if you didn't think I would be here?"

"Because your son misses you and he's been pestering me to call you."

"Let me talk to him."

Margaret handed the phone over to the child and went to wake Matt up. S he didn't want him to sleep too late and be up all night.  She needed her sleep for the next day too.  Matt clung to her once gain and wouldn't let go.  That was rare, so she didn't really mind.  Danny stayed on the phone with his father telling him about the last two days.  Hawkeye tried to get Danny off of the phone, but he didn't want to.  Finally after a half an hour Danny handed the phone back to his mother upon his father's insistence. 

"Margaret, why did you let him stay on the phone so long?"

"He's wanted to talk to you for two days now."

"It's been thirty minutes!  Where have you been?"

"I walked down to the corner store," she said sarcastically.  "I've been right here!  Where the hell do you think I've been?"

"Well why didn't you get him off the phone?"

"Do you just want to fight with me?  If you do I'll just hand up.  I have more important things to do you know."

"Are you saying I don't?"


"Yes!"  She knew he wasn't doing anything that night.  There were no meetings.  To her knowledge he wasn't going anywhere."

He groaned clenching his fist.  "I have to go."

"Fine.  Do me a favor and call your son before he goes to bed every night."

"Okay.  Bye."

"Bye."  Margaret took the receiver away from her ear.

"Wait."

"What?"

"How's Matt?"

"Clingy."

"He sick?"

"No.  He misses you.  He's just too little to talk to you on the phone."

"Well give him a kiss for me and Danny too."

"Alright, goodbye."

"Bye."

Neither one of them wanted to fight, but they didn't know how to stop it.  Hawkeye was going out with an old friend that he caught up with while he was there.  He didn't want to think about his wife at the moment.  Margaret had the boys to deal with as a constant reminder that Hawkeye was gone.  Her anger just sat there and became stronger.  Hawkeye could just go out, but she couldn't do that.

That night the phone rang about eight o'clock.  Danny answered it and talked to his father for a few minutes.  Margaret spoke to him and could tell he was in a bar.  The noise was unmistakable.  She didn't say much to him.  She had to get the boys to bed.

*******

Margaret went through the torture of bringing Matt to daycare the next morning.  She called once she got to work and found out how he was doing before she went to the OR.  She needed come kind of break from all of it.  That opportunity presented itself at lunchtime.  Dr. Williams asked her to lunch again and this time she accepted under the condition that they did it as two colleagues in the hospital cafeteria.  He accepted the terms and after she made a call to Matt's daycare she went to lunch

Part of the appeal was being able to get a break.  The other part was being able to piss her husband off.  Maybe she shouldn't have done that, but at the moment she didn't really care.  It was a harmless lunch in the cafeteria.  He had done that with other women, she what was the difference?

****

There was no phone call from Hawkeye that night. She had been to these sorts of conferences and she knew he had plenty of time to call home; he chose not to.  The two boys were almost unbearable at night.  Danny had an attitude and was very whiney.  Matt was more clingy than he had even been and would cry at the drop of a hat.

Hawkeye was due home Friday morning and Margaret couldn't wait until he got there.  If nothing else at least the boys would be in better moods.  She was ready to get the fighting over with and go on.  Her head was pounding each and ever day and it was time things were straightened out.

Margaret had thought that Hawkeye would be home early Friday morning, but he never showed up.  She brought both boys to preschool and daycare and then headed off to work.  Her mind was on her husband hoping that he was okay.    For the first time in a week she wasn't angry at him, but rather scared and worried.  She hadn't heard from him in days and then he didn't come him when he was supposed to. 

As soon as her shift was over she hurried off to get Matt and then go home.  When she got there Hawkeye still wasn't there so she started making phone calls.  She found out that he did check out of the hotel.  She couldn't find any information out on his flight except that he missed the plane that morning.

Two o'clock came around and Margaret heard keys trying to unlock the door.  She jumped up from the chair and unlocked the door quickly knowing it was Hawkeye.  She threw herself at him when she had to door open.  He was alive and safe.  "Where have you been?"

Hawkeye was more than a little surprised to get that reaction from her.  "I missed my flight."  He dropped his suitcase and hugged her. 

She moved back.  "And you couldn't call and tell me?"

"I didn't think it mattered."

She moved out of his arms realizing he was holding on her.  She was mad at him.  She couldn't be hugging him.  "It didn't matter?!"

"No."

"I've been here taking care of your two boys for the past five days.  You may be a jackass, but you're my husband.  I was driving myself crazy with worry."

His two boys.  After she said that he didn't hear anything else.  "Where's Matty?"

"Sleeping.  He's been almost as unbearable as Danny."

"What are you talking about?  They're little boys.  Hell, Matty's just a baby."  Hawkeye moved in further and shut the door behind him.  "You shouldn't have expected them to be perfect."

"I didn't!"

She was going to fight with him.  He thought this was all over with.  When he left it seemed like things were fine, but then she was always in a bad mood on the phone.  He assumed it was the boys.  "Can I at least see my son before we fight?"

"Fine!  Don't you dare wake him up."

He rolled his eyes.  No wonder he went out every night he was gone.  His wife could be such a bitch sometimes.  It was nice to be able to relax without her telling him to take his feet off the table or pick up his dirty clothes.  Hawkeye opened the door to Matt's room all the way and walked in.  He smiled at the baby and reached out to touch his cheek lightly.  He looked a lot like his mother, but he was starting to look more and more like a Pierce.

Margaret had picked up his suitcases and brought them to the laundry room off of the kitchen.  She knew they would be full of dirty clothes.  She had one load started and that was when she saw Hawkeye standing at the refrigerator looking for something to eat.  He pulled out some cold cuts and cheese.  "Do you want a sandwich?"

"No.  I already ate with the baby."

"Okay."  He sat everything down on the table and grabbed the bread.  "I haven't eaten all day."

Margaret stood there looking at him as he made his sandwich.  "Why didn't you call?"

"Huh?"

"You didn't call for three days.  Your four year old son was worried about you.  Thought you forgot about him."

"Of course I didn't."

"He doesn't know that.  We didn't even know if you were okay."

"I'm fine.  I'm sitting right here."

He talked as though nothing was wrong with what he did.  "Just because you're angry with me doesn't mean you have any right to do that to Danny."

"He'll be fine.  I'll pick him up from school today and by the time we get home he'll be fine.  You won't have to worry about taking care of him anymore.  I'll take care of Matt too."

He made it sound like she was unfit and didn't want to take care of the boys.  "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You know damn well what it means."  While he was gone he had figured out what her problem had been.  She was pissed because he wasn't there to take care of the boys for her.  All she did was complain about them when he talked to her.   He had given it a lot of thought while he was away, albeit drunk thought, but thought nonetheless.

"Care to enlighten me?"  This had to be good.

"You're angry with me because I left you alone with the boys."

"That's absurd!"

"Oh?"

"Yes.  Where would you come up with a crazy idea like that?"

"It's not hard.  You're mad because of the boys.  You don't want Danny and I'm not so sure you want Matt either.  You blame me for getting you into this."

"What?!"  She couldn't believe her ears.  It was all so far fetched.  She loved those two boys with all her heart.

"Danny's not your child and you made it very clear that you didn't want to take care of him.  You're mad because I left him here with you."

She was shocked.  "I cannot believe you just said that to me!"  He couldn't have been farther from the truth. 

"Well it's true.  And then there's Matt.  You blame me for him."

"I do not!"

"I seem to recall many times where you threw it in my face about that damn condom breaking.  It takes two to tango darling."

"Matt is my child.  There isn't another person on earth that I love like him."

"So you admit you don't want Danny!"

"I didn't say that!"  He was putting words into her mouth.

"The games over, baby.  You're free to go if you want."

"I'm not going anywhere.  Where are you getting these things?  Yes, Danny may not be my biological son, but I love him as much as Matt.  What right do you have to doubt that?"

"I forced you into all of this.  I had a two year old and then got you pregnant.  You don't want a family and you're angry at me for leaving my two boys with you/"

"You son-of-a-bitch!  You've gone crazy."

He wasn't crazy.  She gave him every reason to feel that way.  She yelled at him for not calling Danny and was mad because she had to take care of the two kids alone in the morning.  "I don't even know why you're still here."

"Neither do I," she spat.  "But I'm not going anywhere without my boys, I can tell you that much."

"Danny is my child.  You can't touch him."

"He's mind too, Pierce.  Why are you being like this?"  She was on the edge of tears.  Never in her life had she been accused of something so awful.

He looked at the clock.  "What time do I have to get him?"

"Half an hour."

"I'll take Matt." 

"You will not!  I think he's getting sick and I don't want him out there in that cold weather if he doesn't have to be."

"Don't pretend you want him," he said harshly.

Margaret closed her eyes for a moment trying to compose herself.  It didn't work very well because tears started to stream down her cheek.  "Go to hell!"

She couldn't stand to be in the same room as him and walked away.  She went to their bedroom to try to stop crying, but that didn't work.  The pictures on her dresser made it worse.  Pictures of the boys, of all of them.  They looked like a happy family, but it seemed so far away.  How could her own husband accuse her of not wanting their children?  She tried to see why he would have said that, but she couldn't think of anything that she had ever done that would make him think that. 

She wasn't in there for five minutes when she heard a knock on the door.  "Go away."

"Margaret, I want to talk to you."

"No!"  Why would she want to speak to that man?

Hawkeye opened the door and walked in to see her sitting on the edge of the bed.  "Can we talk?"

She got up and went into the bathroom.  "No."  It was her not wanting to talk that made their simple little fight go so far.  This wasn't so little anymore.

Hawkeye opened the door and walked right in.  She turned her head away from him when he entered.  "Look, I'm sorry I upset you." 

"Sorry you upset me?  What did you think you were going to do?"

He had been so sure that that was what her problem had been the last week, but now he wasn't so confident.  He felt like a complete ass seeing her reaction to what he said.

"You can't even answer me!"

"Why have you been so angry with me?"

"You must be kidding."

"I thought we were okay when I left.  You were angry at me because of the boys.  What was I supposed to think?"

"Hawkeye, we weren't okay!  The boys had nothing to do with all of this."  She turned and looked him in the eye.

"Then why did you yell at me for…."

"Because he missed you and you didn't bother to call him.  How do you think you made him feel?"

"I didn't mean to.  By the time I remembered it was always past his bedtime."  Hawkeye put a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off.  "You don't resent me for pushing you into being a wife and mother?"

"No, damn it!  How could you ever doubt that?  What was going on in your head?"

He knew then that he had better keep anymore of his drunken thoughts to himself.  It was for the best.  "I'm sorry, honey."

"Don't you 'honey' me, you mean bastard.  Do you realize what you just said to me?  I try hard to be a good mother to those two boys.  Danny has no idea that I'm not his birth mother.  He doesn't see me treat Matt any different than I treat him."

It was very true.  "I'm sorry."  What else could he say at this point?  He knew she was right and he was in the wrong for accusing her of not wanting their boys.  It sounded so stupid now that he had said it out loud.

"This is almost impossible to forgive!"  She pushed past him and went back to the bedroom.  "Do you know what you said to me?!"

"I do and I'm sorry.  It didn't sound that bad in my head."

She glared at him and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.  Her makeup was running down her face and she looked like hell.  "Why don't you just leave now to go get Danny?"

It wasn't even close to the time to get him.  "No."  Hawkeye walked over to her and placed a hand on her arm.  "Not yet."

"Don't touch me!"  She moved away from him once again.  Her eyes looked at the picture of the boys on her dresser.  She picked it up and made him look at it.  "Do you honestly think I would hate my life with these two boys?  What do you really think of me?"

"I love you, and I'm so sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough here."  Tears continued to stream down her face as she took a seat on the side of the bed.

He hated to see her like that.  What had he done?  That may have been the biggest mistake of his life.  He needed to say something, but what could he say?  His foot was pretty far into his mouth.  "Margaret, what's been going on between us?  I didn't think it was something that big.  The only thing I could think of was the boys.  You were so upset about…"

"No, Hawkeye.  I wasn't mad about them.  It was you."

"Me?  Still angry about that night?  What were we fighting about anyway?"  She glared at him, but truth be told she didn't remember either.  "I'm an idiot."

"Yes."

Hawkeye sat down next to her and tried to wipe away a tear, but she wouldn't let him.  "Hey, I could spend the rest of my life telling you how sorry I am, and that wouldn't be long enough.  You can be mad at me for the rest of our lives if you want.  I would understand."

She looked at him.  "I don't want to be mad anymore."

"Neither do I.  What's been bothering you lately?"

"Aside from being told by my husband that I don't want our boys?"  He nodded with embarrassment.  "I was working and taking care of two little boys that missed their father very much all alone for five days.  It was a little stressed.  You didn't call me or Danny," her tears started to stream down her face again.  "What was I supposed to tell him?  He's been in a horrible mood for the past three days and then Matt," she sighed.  "He's so clingy and emotional.  You didn't show up today and I thought something happened to you, and then you didn't call."

"Slow down."

"I thought something happened to you.  I've been alone for five days and I didn't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but then you came home and told me…"

"I know what I said."  He wiped her face.  "I was wrong.  Very wrong."

"Yes."  She allowed him to wipe away some stray tears.  She looked deep into his eyes.  "I don't want to fight anymore."

"Neither do I.  Can we move on?"

She nodded.  "You really hurt me."

"I'm sorry.  What have we been fighting about?"

"It was silly.  That night we went to that fundraiser I danced with other men and you didn't pay attention to me at all.  You were in a bad mood because you didn't want to be there and we fought about all of it."

He remembered now.  "And you didn't want to talk about it?"

"Right.  If I would have just talked about it, it would have made things easier."

"Yeah, it would have."

"Don't ever let me do that to us again."

He put his arm around her and held her close to him.  "I love you, you know."

"I love you."  She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in the crook of his neck.  It felt so good to have his arms around her like that and to finally be able to let go.  She didn't have to be strong or angry anymore.  She started to cry harder.  "I…I… you… and…I…"

"Wow, baby.  Calm down."  He rubbed her back.

"I was scared… and then…you and me…the boys…hurt… I couldn't…."

Hawkeye listened to her and tried his best to decode what she was saying, but it didn't work.  He just let her cry and get it out.  She was only like that when she was hurt and confused.  It would be a pretty good guess that she was over tired and stressed out from everything.  After five minutes of her nonstop crying she started to calm down some.  "You okay now?"

She pulled back and looked at him.  "I guess so.  I'm sorry."

"Me too."  He gave her a kiss.  "I should get going."

She turned and looked at the clock behind her.  "Yeah."

"Are we okay?"

Margaret smiled.  "We'll work on it some more, but yeah, we're okay.  Go get that little boy.  He missed a lot."

"Should I wake Matt up now?  It's getting late for him to be sleeping."

"No, he's fine.  He's been going down for his naps later than usual.  He's so clingy."

"He must be getting sick."

"Maybe so, but the reason he's been that way is because he misses you."

Hawkeye gave his wife a kiss.  "I'll be back soon."

"Bye." 

Margaret stood up and headed for the bathroom.  She needed to wash her face and clear her mind a little bit.  Her heart still hurt from what he said to her, but in some way she supposed she could understand that.  It was better to let things go then to hold on to them.  She knew Hawkeye didn't mean any real harm.  If he said that to her then he must have thought he was right.  When he thought enough he could get himself believing anything.

Hawkeye walked down to get Danny.  When Danny saw his father he ran to him and gave him a hug.  He rode on his father's shoulders all the way talking a mile a minute about anything and everything.  Hawkeye laughed and smiled all the way home.  He had forgotten how much Danny was like him.  Danny was the one person on earth that could outtalk him, and Hawkeye would actually shut up and listen.

Back in the apartment Matt had woken up shortly after his father left.  Margaret grabbed him out of his crib and told him Hawkeye was back, but he didn't understand.  He just clung on to his mother again and cried every time she moved to sit down with him or do something he didn't like.  He was very picky and on edge. 

Margaret was walking around the living room with him picking up toys and such when she heard keys unlocking the door.  "Oh, who is that?"  She pointed to the door.  Matt looked and saw his father walk in and he squealed.  His arms started flapping wildly and he started to kick his legs.  "Daddy's home."

"Dada!"  He yelled excitedly.

Hawkeye shut the door and sat Danny down on the floor.  Matt was throwing himself from his mother's arms.  "Whoa, little guy.  You're going to throw yourself on the floor." 

Margaret handed the baby over to Hawkeye and watched the two of them for a moment.  Matt clung to his father like she had never seen before.  Hawkeye's hand was the same size as the baby's back as he held him there.  Margaret had never noticed that before.  Matt looked so much smaller when he was in Hawkeye's arms.  It was nice to see Matt with a smile on his face and looking so happy again.  Danny had some time alone with his father already and was content for the moment showing his mother some drawings he had done in school.

Everyone's demeanor had changed for the better that weekend.  All that matter was that the four of them were together.  If the boys hadn't been so miserable without their father Margaret would have gotten a babysitter so that she and her husband could go out, but she didn't want to do that to Danny and Matt that weekend.  They were both very young and needed the reassurance of their father being around. 

******

Monday morning came and things went back to the way they had been.  Margaret was so relieved that Hawkeye was now taking the baby into daycare.  Listening to him cry like that started her day off on the wrong foot.  Hawkeye could tolerate it better than she could.  Danny was to school on time and everything seemed to be running normally. 

Margaret had spend a nice calm morning at work and then headed to pick up Matt.  This time when she got there he was happy.  He was playing on the floor with some of the other babies, but when he saw his mother he was ready to go home with her.  The say seemed to be running so smoothly.  She would go home and she and Matt would spend some time together before he went down for his nap.  Then at three they would go pick up Danny.  Hawkeye would be home by six and they would have dinner as a family again.

It was just after noon when Margaret opened the door to the apartment.  She was surprised to see Hawkeye sitting on the couch watching TV.  "Hi," she said with surprise.

"Hey."

Margaret took the baby's coat off of him and carried him over to Hawkeye.  "What are you doing home?"

"They sent me home."  Hawkeye looked at his son.  "Hi, buddy. "

Margaret sat down next to him on the couch.  "What do you mean?"  She started to take off her shoes.

Hawkeye stood up and headed for the kitchen with the baby.  "Just what I said.  They sent me home."

"Why?"  Margaret followed him.

"It's complicated."  He opened the cabinet and grabbed a couple of jars of baby food to give Matt for lunch.

"Something wrong?"

"The hospital seems to think so."

"What are you talking about?  Something happen with a patient?"  Margaret placed the baby in his highchair.

"No."  He sat down and pulled the highchair close to him so he could feed the baby. 

"Aren't you going to tell me?"  She opened the refrigerator to find something for the two of them for lunch.  She grabbed some sandwich meat before he could answer.  "This okay with you?"

"Fine.  Mustard on mine please."

She grabbed the mustard and sat it on the table.  "Now tell me what's going on."

"It's stupid."

Margaret tossed the bread on the table and sat down to make the sandwiches.  "Just tell me."  He was stalling and there had to be a reason. 

"They're pissed off because I didn't go to every single meeting while I was away."

She knew there was more to the story than that.  Normally Hawkeye didn't have a problem talking to her about such things, but he was beating around the bush on this issue.  "Every meeting?  Just how many did you go to?"

Hawkeye focused on feeding Matt so he didn't look at her.  "I went to the morning ones on the first day."

Her face contorted into confusion and anger and then disgust.  "You're kidding?!"

"No."

"You were supposed to go over a year ago.  What were you thinking?"

"It's so damn boring."

She rolled her eyes.  He just didn't get it.  Part of being a doctor in his position was to be there and be an example to others under him.  "So what did they do to you?"

He looked at her after giving Matt a spoon full of food.  "Well, we won't have to send Matt to daycare for a while."

"How long is a while?"

"Eight weeks, no pay.  It'll be kept quiet and everyone will think I'm on a sabbatical."

"That's two months!"

"I know."

"Hawkeye, what were you thinking?  What did you do when you were gone?"  He gave her a look.  "You were drunk!"

"Not the whole time."

"Hawkeye, what were you thinking?  Now you're going to go two months without pay."  There was so much more that she wanted to say to him.  She knew that had to be the reason that he never called and the reason that he came up with that harebrained idea.  They had agreed not to bring all of that up again; they worked through it over the weekend.

"So?  It's not like we're going to starve.  We have plenty of money to live off of.  Our only bills are rent and utilities, and from what I make that's nothing."

"Yes, but you won't be making anything for a couple of months."

"We'll be fine."

She handed him his sandwich and started to make her own.  "So you're planning on keeping Matt home with you?"

He nodded.  "No use in sending him to daycare if I'm home.  Besides, it'll be one last bill that we have to worry about."

"And you'll still take Danny to school in the mornings?"

"Of course.  I'll even have lunch ready for you when you come home.  I'll be a housewife for two months."

She smiled.  "Could be fun."

"For you."

"Matt and Danny will like it too."  She knew that Hawkeye was going to drive himself crazy staying home that long.  That was more punishment than she could ever hope for.  "What will you be doing with all your spare time?"

"Haven't thought of that yet."  He took a quick bite of his sandwich and gave Matt another spoonful of food.

"Well I know you won't be sleeping in.  The boys won't let you."

"I'd have to get up to get Danny to school anyway."

"And Matt will be awake then so you won't be able to go back to sleep."

"Sleeping late is not all I think about."  He looked at her.  "I think about sex too."

"Hawkeye!"  She pointed to the baby. 

He laughed.  "He doesn't understand.  All he cares about is his food.  He gets that from his mommy."

Margaret narrowed her eyes and slapped him on the arm.  "You're taking all of this pretty good.  You could have been fired."

"I know, but I wasn't.  Its fine and I can assure you it won't be happening again.  Next time I go I'm taking you and the boys along to keep me on the strait and narrow."

"You've never stepped foot on the strait and narrow in your life."

"Hey, I'm a married man with two boys, a great career…"

"Both of which you almost threw away because you thought it was better to drink than to go to your meetings."

"I thought we weren't going to mention that anymore."

"Sorry."  She tied up the bread bag and placed her sandwich on a plate.  She went to the cabinet and pulled out a bag of chips.  "What about future jobs?  What's going to happen if we ever move to Maine?  Will you be able to get a position?"

"Please," he said pompously.  "I've had that job in the bag for years."

"And you're waiting for what?"

"I'm just not ready to go back.  Are you?"

"Not really."  She loved her work and their life there.  It was hard for a married woman with two children to find a job like the one she had.  Had her husband not had such a high standing in the hospital and she had not worked there, she never would have landed the job.  "I thought you didn't want Danny to go to school here."

"He's in preschool."

"Next year he'll be in kindergarten."

"That's just kindergarten.  By the time he's in the third grade we'll move."

Margaret shook her head.  "By that time we will have outgrown this apartment."

"We'll get another one."  She always made everything seem so difficult.  "It's not that hard."

"Expensive."

"We make plenty of money."

"What if we decide we want another baby?"

"We'll make room or move before he's born." 

He had an answer for everything.  He made things seem easier than they really were.  It wasn't going to be easy to look for a bigger place than they had in Boston unless they bought a house.  Neither of them wanted that yet although the idea was appealing.  It would give the boys a yard to play in instead of always having to go to the park or being wild inside the apartment.  Despite the benefits they choose to stay where they were.

"Fine."  She took a bite of her sandwich.

"You mad at me?"

"No, just disappointed.  I guess now is a good time to bring up the fact that I was offered a job."

"Really?"  He wiped the baby's chin.

"Yes."

"You gonna tell me about it?"

"I had lunch with Dr. Williams last week and…"

Hawkeye's head spun around and he stared her in the eye.  "You did what?!  I can't believe you, Margaret.  You know how I feel about him!"  Suddenly it dawned on him why she did it.  "You did it just to piss me off."  Margaret's mouth was open ready to respond, but nothing came out.  "I knew it."

"Honey, you're getting carried away."  He had hit the nail on the head, but she didn't want him to know that.  They were leaving everything else that happened in the past, so he didn't need to know about that.  "It was just a lunch between two colleagues in the hospital cafeteria."

"You know I hate that bastard.  Why would you…  Oh, never mind.  I don't want to know."

"He offered me a full time position working down in OB again.  It wouldn't be what I was doing before though.  It would be more hands on."

"You're not taking it."  He started.

Margaret couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth.  That didn't sound like him.  Maybe he had been hit in the head.  "What did you just say to me?"

"Margaret, you're not taking the job."

Her fist hit the table causing everything on it to shake.  "You have no right to say that to me!  I'll do what I damn well please.  One of us needs to work around here." 

He gave her a hurt look and she realized what she said.  "You are mad at me."

"I'm sorry.  I'm not mad at you."

"I'm sorry too.  Honey, I just don't like the idea of you working for that creep."

"He's harmless."

"No he's not.  He wants my wife and she doesn't see it.  There isn't anything harmless there," he rolled his eyes with sarcasm.  "If anything it's asking for trouble."

"It's a very good offer."

He looked her in the eye.  "Please don't take the job.  I don't mind if you work, you know that, but please don't work for him."

"Hawkeye, I worked for him before."

"I know, and I hated it.  I was so happy when the doctor put her on bed rest and said you couldn't go back to work.  Honey, I'm asking you this one thing.  You know I wouldn't do that under normal circumstances."

She nodded.  "Okay.  I'll turn it down."

"Thank you."

"Since you'll be staying home for a while would you mind if I scheduled a few more surgeries?"

"Go ahead," he said nonchalantly.  "I know you're in high demand in the OR anyway."

"I'm good," she smiled.  "What can I say?"

"No, you're great, but you only think that you're good.  That's what makes and keeps you great.  You never stop learning and you've seen more than any of those doctors at that hospital."

She smiled brightly at the compliment.  "I guess we'll be trading places for a while."

"Seems that way."  Hawkeye wiped the baby's face clean again and handed him a toy that was sitting on the kitchen table.  "Just stay away from Williams.  I won't be there to look after him."

"I can take care of myself.  I won't even be working with him."

"No more lunch dates with him."

"That's a little ridiculous.  You have lunch dates with colleagues all the time."

"Williams is off limits."

"Okay, then so is that slut Rebecca Hanson."

He smiled.  "Deal.  Now which one of us will go get Danny today?"

"I vote for you.  It's cold out there."

"Then you make dinner."

"Deal."  Little did he know that dinner was take-out tonight.  She needed to go grocery shopping, but since he was going to be home from now on she would just make him a list and he could go.

******

Once again life threw them a curve, but they went with it.  The boys got to know their father very well and spent more time with him than they did with their mother.  Margaret had worked a lot more while he was at home.  Hawkeye told her to relax, but she couldn't do that.  She didn't know how.  Eventually he gave up on her and let her run herself ragged.  It was then that she got the flu and had to stay home.  Hawkeye took care of her every need and then they both took care of the boys when she passed it on to them.  It was all part of being a family. 

Hawkeye's little stint at being a stay at home parent didn't work out as well as he thought it would.  It was the dead of winter in Boston and too cold for Matt to go out places meaning that he was stuck in the apartment all day.  Margaret was almost working full time now and that left Hawkeye with all the responsibilities of home.  No wonder why Margaret was always so happy when they went out.  Taking care of everything was hard. 

Margaret would come home and Hawkeye wished he could just get out, but she was the only adult he really had much contact with and he wasn't going to pass that up.  So he stayed home and they did their routine stuff with the boys.  She knew it was killing him to stay home like that, but he was the one that got himself in that boat in the first place.  She still wanted to make it better for him so she made some plans for the two of them one night.

It was a cold snowy Friday in December when she walked into the apartment.  She had picked Danny up on her way home from work so Hawkeye didn't have to bundle up the baby and take him out in the cold.  "Danny, take your boots off."  She said as soon as they stepped in.  He had a tendency to walk around with his shoes on and Margaret wanted him in the habit of taking them off.

"Where's Dad?"  He asked as he kicked them off and tossed his coat on the floor.

"Pick that up.  He's here somewhere."  Margaret had already taken off her coat and sat her purse down on the table next to the door.  "Hawkeye, Matt."

"In here."  She heard him call from Matt's room.

She looked at Danny.  "In your brother's room."  He ran off to see his father and Margaret went to the kitchen to start writing a note.  She looked up when she saw Hawkeye walk into the room with the baby.  She took him into her arms and gave her son a kiss on the cheek.  "Hi my baby boy.  Did you have a good day with your daddy?"  He smiled at her.  "You did?  I missed you today."

"How was work?"  Hawkeye asked.

"Good."  She sat the baby down on the kitchen counter and straightened his clothes.  "Where's Danny?"

"Bathroom."

"Did he show you his book?"

"Yeah."  Hawkeye pulled down two coffee cups and poured some coffee.  "He's excited about it, isn't he?"

"He knows the alphabet and he's learning to put letters together.  I'm glad he's excided about learning."  Margaret took a seat with the baby on her lap. 

"So am I."  Hawkeye placed a cup of coffee in front of her and gave her a kiss when he did.  "I missed you today."

She smiled at him.  "I have a surprise for you."

"Oh?"

"I have a sitter for tonight."

"You do?"  He grinned.

"Yes.  I figured you and I could use a night to ourselves."  She took a sip of coffee.  "Are you up for it?"

"Are you kidding?  I've been dying to get out of this damn place."

"Good.  Jamie will be here at six."

"That's early."

"I thought we could have an early dinner and then go Christmas shopping together.  It's a lot better when you're with me." 

"It's a date."  He gave her another kiss.  "Are you buying?"

She laughed.  "You are."  All their money was dumped into a joint savings and checking account so that didn't really matter anyway.  He just played like he was poor. 

"And we'll stay out until the boys are in bed?"

"Yep."

"And come home and not go straight to bed."

"Right."

Hawkeye smiled at her and looked at Matt.  "Oooh, Daddy's gonna get some tonight."

Margaret gasped.   "Hawkeye!"  She coved the baby's ears.  "You're going to poison his mind."

"Oh, stop it."  Danny came into the kitchen.  "Hey buddy."

"What's for snack?"  He looked at his mother.

"What's for snack, Daddy?"  She looked at Hawkeye.

"What do you want?"

"Um," Danny tapped his finger on his chin.  "Cookies?"

"Sure."  Hawkeye stood up and grabbed some cookies and a small glass of milk.  He gave Danny three and handed one to Matt.  "No choking."

"He's just going to make it soggy first."  Margaret leaned back in her chair and let Matt get comfortable so he could suck and chew on his cookie. 

"Did you make dinner reservations?"

"No.  You can do that if you want."

Danny looked at his mother.  "Where are we goin'?"

"Daddy and I are going out tonight.  Jamie is coming over to watch you and your brother."

"Okay," he smiled.  He loved it when Jamie watched him because she spoiled him rotten while she was there.  All she did was play with the two of them.  She didn't sit at the table or on the couch and watch TV.  She was very hands on.  "And she can read me my new book?"

"I'm sure she will if you ask her."

"Good.  When are you leaving?"

"Not for a few hours."

"Oh," he said with disappointment.

"She's going to order some pizza for you for dinner.  Does that sound good?"

"Yep."

******

Hawkeye was standing in the bedroom watching his wife.  Jamie had arrived ten minutes ago and he had been ready for twenty.  Margaret, however, was not.  She had been telling him she would be ready in five minutes for the last half hour.  He looked at his watched and huffed. 

"Be patient."

"Patient?  I've been waiting for you for at least four hours."

She rolled her eyes.  "You're exaggerating just a little there."

"Just hurry up."

"Did you give Jamie money for the pizza?"

"Yes."

"Did you show her where the boys' pajamas are?"

"She knows." 

Margaret slipped into a pair of shoes and looked down at her feet.  "I don't know if these will be comfortable enough to shop in."

"So change them.  Quickly."

"Okay, okay."  Margaret kicked them off and slipped into a more comfortable pair.  "Do these look good with these pants?"

"Wonderful."  He grabbed her hand and pulled her along.  Her purse was on the dresser and he handed it to her when they walked passed.  "You look beautiful and I'm starving.  Let's get out of here."

"Fine."  She pulled her hand from his and shut the bedroom door.  "You're so impatient."

"Me?"  That was a joke coming from her.  She was the most impatient person he had ever met in his life.

"Yes."   The two of them walked into the living room where Jamie and the two boys were.  "Hi honey," Margaret smiled.  "Did Dr. Pierce go over everything with you?"

"Yes.  We're all set."

"Okay."  Margaret bent down and kissed the two boys.  "Be good tonight and go to bed when Jamie tells you to."

"I will," Danny said.  "Bye Mom."

"Bye honey."

Hawkeye had Margaret's coat in his hands and helped her slip into it.  "Bye boys.  Be good.  Let's go," he said to his wife.

"Bye.  Have a good time."

"Thank you."  Hawkeye led his wife out the door before she could say anything else.  He mad sure that the doors were lock and then guided his wife down the hall by the small of her back.  "I didn't think we were ever going to get out of there."

"What did it matter?"

"We're paying her to watch the boys, not to play with them while we're in the other room."  She rolled her eyes.  "I'm starving and you take forever."

"I do not.  It's not like you made reservations for us anywhere."

"So we'll have pizza."

She stopped and looked at him.  "Pizza?!  I don't want to go to pizza!"

"Calm down."  He pressed the button on the elevator. 

"You calm down."

"No you."

"You."  She smiled.  She leaned in and gave him a kiss.  "We're not really having pizza are we?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

The elevator doors opened up and they stepped in.  "On how good of a kiss you give me."

Margaret pressed the first floor button and then wrapped her arms around his neck.  She gave him a soft kiss.  "What will that get me?"

"Hmm?  Chinese take out."

She kissed him again letting it last a little longer.  "How about that?"

He gave it some thought.  "A sub shop."

That didn't sound too appealing.  She pressed her body up against his and then kissed him running her tongue into his mouth.  Her hands held the sides of his face as she kissed him until neither one of them could breathe and had to pull apart.  "What about that?"  She breathed heavily.

"Steak," he smiled.  "And lobster."

"Good."  She wiped the lipstick off of his face with her thumb.  The doors opened and he picked up her hand.  "It's so cold out."   She could feel the breeze coming in the lobby doors.

"Let's take a cab."  It was too cold to wait for the car to warm up and it was just easier to take a cab around the city.  They never had to worry about finding a parking spot.

Hawkeye and Margaret went to dinner that night.  It was nice to get out and have a nice meal without worrying what they said in front of Danny or keep spooning baby food into Matt.  It was just the two of them and if they choose to stay quiet and just look across the table at each other then they could.  They shared their dessert with each other instead of with the boys. 

After dinner they walked around a toy store shopping for their two boys.  Unless they were playing with toys they were holding hands.  Margaret would have to pull Hawkeye away because he was enjoying the toys too much.  She wanted to get the boys a couple of outfits because they were growing so fast, but he didn't like the idea.  He kept telling her that was gifts that aunts and uncles gave, not Santa Clause.  So they didn't end up buying anything that night.

They arrived home earlier then they planned on.  It was so cold outside that they just wanted to go home.  At ten o'clock they paid Jamie and let her go home.  Both of the boys were sound asleep and tucked warmly in bed just like they had hoped.  Hawkeye made sure that everything in the house was shut off and locked while Margaret checked on the boys. 

She was just walking out of Matt's room when he came up behind her.  "Hey gorgeous."

"Hi Handsome," she took his hand and pulled him to their bedroom and shut the door.  Hawkeye pinned her up against the wall and started to kiss her.  "You're very eager."

"Shh.  Don't ruin the moment."  He scooped her up and brought her over to the bed.  "I miss doing this."

"Hmmm," she moaned.  "Me too." 

********

Hawkeye's little stint at home was worth it.  He learned what it was like to be on the other side.  To be the one that had a lot of responsibility and had to take care of most everything.  It wasn't all bad though.  He was able to wine and dine his wife a little more. Changing places for a little while wasn't a bad thing.  They both learned a little more about the other and it helped in their relationship.  Margaret eventually cut back on her hours to her normal time again and she and Hawkeye spent more time together.  He taught her how to relax again, something she had forgotten to do.  If she hadn't cut back on his hours and spent more time at home with him he wouldn't have known what to do.  It not only improved their relationship but also their sex lives.  They had to find a happy medium again and were working on it.