A/N Thanks for all your reviews guys! Keep them coming! This fic is nearly
at the end now, about 2 more chapters to go. This chapter you find a little
bit more about Phoebe's background, just me trying to give a bit more
support for why she's so out of character. Thanks to David for proofing,
love you!
A light gust of wind flickered past her face, tickling her cheeks.
The sky, clear and blue, interrupted only by a haze of thin clouds that danced across the sky.
A burst of laughter came from across the park, reaching her ears in snatches. The sun glinted off the grass teasingly, causing glimmers of light to flit around.
Two girls walked past, their faces alight with sunshine, their chatter filling the air. She turned her head away, the sun catching her tears, as they streamed silently down her face.
Her knees were hunched up, her arms hugging them tightly, protectively. She tried so desperately to block it all out, but she couldn't escape. Their happiness was suffocating her.
***
Joey looked at him. His eyes withdrawn, and tired. He hadn't got dressed in days; he hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. He barely spoke, if only to get angry.
As Joey watched with sadness, Chandler pushed his cereal around the bowl, seeming almost hypnotized by it. He looked up, catching Joey's eyes.
"Joey," he said, in a sullen tone.
"Uh... yeah?" Joey replied nervously, wanting to break their eye contact, but not daring to.
"Do me a favour. Stop staring at me." With that he slammed down his spoon, pushing his bowl roughly towards the sink. The milk slopped over the side, and Chandler's eyes glanced at the mess on the side, before returning to Joey, who gave a sorrowful glance before returning to his bedroom.
With a sigh, which didn't suit his young age, Chandler let his body slip to the floor, leaning on the fridge.
He saw them, watching him all the time, as if wanting to say something but not sure what to say. He didn't want them to say anything, he wanted to be alone. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a small voice told him he was being unreasonable, but it was quickly crushed with a louder voice, screaming 'I don't care!'
He let his head fall backwards, banging against the fridge, the coolness against the back of his head numbing his thoughts.
His mind blank, he sat, staring at the wall. Thinking of nothing, and hoping he could stay that way forever.
***
"Is he any better?" Ross asked, as he, Joey and Rachel sat in Central Perk.
"No... when I left, he was asleep by the fridge... I think he was asleep anyway. He didn't say anything."
"Hmm...." Ross sighed, his hand holding Rachel's he traced a circle on her palm with his thumb subconsciously. He said after a pause, "This is getting ridiculous."
"Well what can we do?" Joey shrugged. "I'm sure it'll get better... it has to... right?"
"I've had enough of this." Rachel stood up, running her hand through her hair quickly. "I'm going to find her."
"Phoebe?" Joey exclaimed. "Are you crazy?"
"No." Rachel said slowly, "I can't believe I didn't do it before. I need to talk to her."
"Rachel, you can't. It's not safe. She's not safe!" Ross stood up, grabbing her arm protectively.
"Ross, its broad daylight! I'm not gonna creep up on her in a dark alley, am I?" Rachel sighed. "I need to do this."
***
Her head lay on the grass, the sun burning through her eyelids, which were clamped shut. She had stopped crying, but the tearstains on her face gave her away. One look in those eyes would tell she was unhappy.
The sky had clouded over slightly, as the humidity rose. An evening breeze swept over the park, deliciously cool across her face.
"Phoebe."
The voice made her freeze. She recognised it instantly.
Keeping her eyes closed, she murmured, "What? What do you want?"
Rachel watched her, knowing she was waiting for an answer, but Rachel didn't have one. Why had she come here?
She'd spent two hours searching the park, the day fading into night, and now as she stood here staring at her she had nothing to say. For the first time Rachel really felt silence.
The park was emptying, as the clouds grew overhead, the birds hushed down, as though they were listening, waiting for her response. Her mind blank, the silence overpowering.
Rachel stammered, "I don't know."
Finally Phoebe's eyes flicked open; they were bloodshot, and flashing with anger.
"Well you must want something? I'm guessing this isn't a visit for a quick chat?"
"You're right. I do want something. I want to see Chandler happy," Rachel replied sharply, her anger bubbling up inside her.
"I can't.... It's not that easy," Phoebe sighed, propping herself up on her elbows, struggling as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders.
"I know you mugged me," Rachel said firmly, though the shake in her voice gave her away. "You know. Chandler knows."
"You don't understand." Phoebe said, her eyes fixating on a blade of grass, watching as is twisted in the wind, she grabbed it, pulling it from the ground, and letting it go. Watching it flutter off towards the path.
"Phoebe... I know Chandler... I've never seen him so unhappy. He'd forget about it... everything that's happened, he'd move on."
"You don't know that," Phoebe said, and Rachel paused. Phoebe was right, she didn't know that, but she needed to get them to talk.
"You have to talk to him," she pressed desperately.
"Why?"
"He needs you."
"Well maybe I don't need him!" Phoebe's eyes blazed dangerously, and Rachel froze nervously. "Maybe... maybe I don't."
"Listen, I know I can't understand. I can't understand why you had to mug me, or why you ran away from Chandler. I probably never will. But... I understand that you were happy when you with him, you were different."
"Did you have lunch today?" The question, posed so calmly caught Rachel off guard, she eyed up Phoebe, as though searching for the trick behind the question.
"Yes." She answered slowly, unsure of what was to follow.
"I didn't." Her voice echoed coldly around the now nearly empty park. "You know what I've eaten since I ran from that hotel room?"
"No," Rachel admitted.
"A sandwich, yesterday morning."
"Oh," Rachel murmured blankly, "When you left the hotel, I know you were feeling guilty...."
"Guilty," Phoebe interrupted. "Yeah... I was. But it was more than that... I was scared."
"Scared?" Rachel asked, her body still prickling with nerves, as she fidgeted nervously.
"Of him finding out. I knew he would eventually. Secrets are always found out eventually. If he found out... knowing I had lied to him... I would have lost him. I couldn't bear being hurt again." As she said these words, she flung her head away from Rachel, but even as she did Rachel could have sworn she saw the glimpse of a tear.
"But... you lost him anyway."
"I know," Phoebe said, the sadness weighing down the words to almost a whisper. "But I couldn't... I didn't want to see his face... to see how much I hurt him." As the last two words escaped her mouth, she gave up all pretence and broke down into sobs. "I've hurt too many people."
"I'm sure you..."
"You're sure?" Phoebe spat, her blonde hair whipping in the wind, "I was 13, Rachel. Thirteen. When you were prancing around school with your cheerleading outfit and your boyfriends." The contempt rising up inside of her, Phoebe's words grew louder. "I was sitting on the street, with no family, wondering if I'd ever be happy again."
"It must have been awful..." Rachel said, the words sounding pathetic even to her own ears, but to Phoebe's they were positively insulting. She looked away, up the sky, as the sun retreated behind the trees, leaving streaks of red across the sky, tinting the clouds purple.
"It was," she said bitterly. "At least at first. But me and my pathetic positive outlook." As her eyes met Rachel's the sky reflected in them, made them glow with anger. "Everything will be alright, I'd smile, and I used to write songs..."
"Why did you stop?"
"I had to sell my guitar. After a few years my priorities clicked through, I realised singing doesn't keep you alive," she laughed, a dry, hollow laughed that rang out loudly. "Things changed. As if the guitar was the only thing keeping me happy. I clang to it; it was all I had left of when I was young."
As she spoke Rachel looked on with sadness, she knew Phoebe had been homeless, she knew this city was bursting with people without homes to go to, but she had never really thought about it, their stories.
"That was when I came here. I love it here." Phoebe sighed wistfully, looking around. "It's nearly always filled with people, something to take my mind off the truth. But.... You can't hide forever. Eventually I'd be alone... like I am now."
"I'm here," Rachel offered gently, starting to realise how Chandler had fallen for this girl so quickly. When she wasn't angry, her eyes filled with intrigue, like pools of mystery.
"For how long?" Phoebe posed the question, not expecting an answer, but she got one, she got an answer that she never could have dreamed of.
"Until you're ready to come with me," Rachel replied simply, managing a weak smile. It faded quickly from her face, as though blown away by the wind, but Phoebe caught it, and although no smile appeared on her face, her eyes glittered in the dusky light which clouded the park.
Someone else had placed their hope in her. One other person wasn't ready to forgive up on Phoebe just yet.
"Okay," she said quietly, and Rachel looked up.
"What?" She had been expecting more of a battle.
"Let's go. But... but... I'm not promising anything, but you're right. He deserves an explanation. If nothing more."
So Rachel, helping Phoebe to her feet, led the way back the path, as Phoebe glanced round, taking one last look at the park, now almost absorbed by darkness, her face, hidden by the shadow, broke out into a small smile, and she turned back to Rachel, who was waiting on the path.
"Ready?" she asked, and Phoebe gave a small nod, returning to Rachel, where the two of them began to slowly walk down the path, leaving the park behind them.
A light gust of wind flickered past her face, tickling her cheeks.
The sky, clear and blue, interrupted only by a haze of thin clouds that danced across the sky.
A burst of laughter came from across the park, reaching her ears in snatches. The sun glinted off the grass teasingly, causing glimmers of light to flit around.
Two girls walked past, their faces alight with sunshine, their chatter filling the air. She turned her head away, the sun catching her tears, as they streamed silently down her face.
Her knees were hunched up, her arms hugging them tightly, protectively. She tried so desperately to block it all out, but she couldn't escape. Their happiness was suffocating her.
***
Joey looked at him. His eyes withdrawn, and tired. He hadn't got dressed in days; he hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. He barely spoke, if only to get angry.
As Joey watched with sadness, Chandler pushed his cereal around the bowl, seeming almost hypnotized by it. He looked up, catching Joey's eyes.
"Joey," he said, in a sullen tone.
"Uh... yeah?" Joey replied nervously, wanting to break their eye contact, but not daring to.
"Do me a favour. Stop staring at me." With that he slammed down his spoon, pushing his bowl roughly towards the sink. The milk slopped over the side, and Chandler's eyes glanced at the mess on the side, before returning to Joey, who gave a sorrowful glance before returning to his bedroom.
With a sigh, which didn't suit his young age, Chandler let his body slip to the floor, leaning on the fridge.
He saw them, watching him all the time, as if wanting to say something but not sure what to say. He didn't want them to say anything, he wanted to be alone. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a small voice told him he was being unreasonable, but it was quickly crushed with a louder voice, screaming 'I don't care!'
He let his head fall backwards, banging against the fridge, the coolness against the back of his head numbing his thoughts.
His mind blank, he sat, staring at the wall. Thinking of nothing, and hoping he could stay that way forever.
***
"Is he any better?" Ross asked, as he, Joey and Rachel sat in Central Perk.
"No... when I left, he was asleep by the fridge... I think he was asleep anyway. He didn't say anything."
"Hmm...." Ross sighed, his hand holding Rachel's he traced a circle on her palm with his thumb subconsciously. He said after a pause, "This is getting ridiculous."
"Well what can we do?" Joey shrugged. "I'm sure it'll get better... it has to... right?"
"I've had enough of this." Rachel stood up, running her hand through her hair quickly. "I'm going to find her."
"Phoebe?" Joey exclaimed. "Are you crazy?"
"No." Rachel said slowly, "I can't believe I didn't do it before. I need to talk to her."
"Rachel, you can't. It's not safe. She's not safe!" Ross stood up, grabbing her arm protectively.
"Ross, its broad daylight! I'm not gonna creep up on her in a dark alley, am I?" Rachel sighed. "I need to do this."
***
Her head lay on the grass, the sun burning through her eyelids, which were clamped shut. She had stopped crying, but the tearstains on her face gave her away. One look in those eyes would tell she was unhappy.
The sky had clouded over slightly, as the humidity rose. An evening breeze swept over the park, deliciously cool across her face.
"Phoebe."
The voice made her freeze. She recognised it instantly.
Keeping her eyes closed, she murmured, "What? What do you want?"
Rachel watched her, knowing she was waiting for an answer, but Rachel didn't have one. Why had she come here?
She'd spent two hours searching the park, the day fading into night, and now as she stood here staring at her she had nothing to say. For the first time Rachel really felt silence.
The park was emptying, as the clouds grew overhead, the birds hushed down, as though they were listening, waiting for her response. Her mind blank, the silence overpowering.
Rachel stammered, "I don't know."
Finally Phoebe's eyes flicked open; they were bloodshot, and flashing with anger.
"Well you must want something? I'm guessing this isn't a visit for a quick chat?"
"You're right. I do want something. I want to see Chandler happy," Rachel replied sharply, her anger bubbling up inside her.
"I can't.... It's not that easy," Phoebe sighed, propping herself up on her elbows, struggling as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders.
"I know you mugged me," Rachel said firmly, though the shake in her voice gave her away. "You know. Chandler knows."
"You don't understand." Phoebe said, her eyes fixating on a blade of grass, watching as is twisted in the wind, she grabbed it, pulling it from the ground, and letting it go. Watching it flutter off towards the path.
"Phoebe... I know Chandler... I've never seen him so unhappy. He'd forget about it... everything that's happened, he'd move on."
"You don't know that," Phoebe said, and Rachel paused. Phoebe was right, she didn't know that, but she needed to get them to talk.
"You have to talk to him," she pressed desperately.
"Why?"
"He needs you."
"Well maybe I don't need him!" Phoebe's eyes blazed dangerously, and Rachel froze nervously. "Maybe... maybe I don't."
"Listen, I know I can't understand. I can't understand why you had to mug me, or why you ran away from Chandler. I probably never will. But... I understand that you were happy when you with him, you were different."
"Did you have lunch today?" The question, posed so calmly caught Rachel off guard, she eyed up Phoebe, as though searching for the trick behind the question.
"Yes." She answered slowly, unsure of what was to follow.
"I didn't." Her voice echoed coldly around the now nearly empty park. "You know what I've eaten since I ran from that hotel room?"
"No," Rachel admitted.
"A sandwich, yesterday morning."
"Oh," Rachel murmured blankly, "When you left the hotel, I know you were feeling guilty...."
"Guilty," Phoebe interrupted. "Yeah... I was. But it was more than that... I was scared."
"Scared?" Rachel asked, her body still prickling with nerves, as she fidgeted nervously.
"Of him finding out. I knew he would eventually. Secrets are always found out eventually. If he found out... knowing I had lied to him... I would have lost him. I couldn't bear being hurt again." As she said these words, she flung her head away from Rachel, but even as she did Rachel could have sworn she saw the glimpse of a tear.
"But... you lost him anyway."
"I know," Phoebe said, the sadness weighing down the words to almost a whisper. "But I couldn't... I didn't want to see his face... to see how much I hurt him." As the last two words escaped her mouth, she gave up all pretence and broke down into sobs. "I've hurt too many people."
"I'm sure you..."
"You're sure?" Phoebe spat, her blonde hair whipping in the wind, "I was 13, Rachel. Thirteen. When you were prancing around school with your cheerleading outfit and your boyfriends." The contempt rising up inside of her, Phoebe's words grew louder. "I was sitting on the street, with no family, wondering if I'd ever be happy again."
"It must have been awful..." Rachel said, the words sounding pathetic even to her own ears, but to Phoebe's they were positively insulting. She looked away, up the sky, as the sun retreated behind the trees, leaving streaks of red across the sky, tinting the clouds purple.
"It was," she said bitterly. "At least at first. But me and my pathetic positive outlook." As her eyes met Rachel's the sky reflected in them, made them glow with anger. "Everything will be alright, I'd smile, and I used to write songs..."
"Why did you stop?"
"I had to sell my guitar. After a few years my priorities clicked through, I realised singing doesn't keep you alive," she laughed, a dry, hollow laughed that rang out loudly. "Things changed. As if the guitar was the only thing keeping me happy. I clang to it; it was all I had left of when I was young."
As she spoke Rachel looked on with sadness, she knew Phoebe had been homeless, she knew this city was bursting with people without homes to go to, but she had never really thought about it, their stories.
"That was when I came here. I love it here." Phoebe sighed wistfully, looking around. "It's nearly always filled with people, something to take my mind off the truth. But.... You can't hide forever. Eventually I'd be alone... like I am now."
"I'm here," Rachel offered gently, starting to realise how Chandler had fallen for this girl so quickly. When she wasn't angry, her eyes filled with intrigue, like pools of mystery.
"For how long?" Phoebe posed the question, not expecting an answer, but she got one, she got an answer that she never could have dreamed of.
"Until you're ready to come with me," Rachel replied simply, managing a weak smile. It faded quickly from her face, as though blown away by the wind, but Phoebe caught it, and although no smile appeared on her face, her eyes glittered in the dusky light which clouded the park.
Someone else had placed their hope in her. One other person wasn't ready to forgive up on Phoebe just yet.
"Okay," she said quietly, and Rachel looked up.
"What?" She had been expecting more of a battle.
"Let's go. But... but... I'm not promising anything, but you're right. He deserves an explanation. If nothing more."
So Rachel, helping Phoebe to her feet, led the way back the path, as Phoebe glanced round, taking one last look at the park, now almost absorbed by darkness, her face, hidden by the shadow, broke out into a small smile, and she turned back to Rachel, who was waiting on the path.
"Ready?" she asked, and Phoebe gave a small nod, returning to Rachel, where the two of them began to slowly walk down the path, leaving the park behind them.
