As soon as he saw the fence in front of him, Ash jammed his eyes shut. For the past few days, his heart had skipped a beat every time he saw something even remotely resembling the coloring of Houndour. He had originally planned to refuse Professor Oak's offer, but after experiencing his repetitive jumpiness, he knew that this wasn't something he could just easily get over. Fearfully, Ash forced his eyes open, and as he saw her, his heart stopped.
She stood lightly on the grass, her pointed black ears erect. Her fierce eyes glared at him from the sides of the sort of bone-mask she possessed on her forehead. Her white teeth glistened against her fiery orange snout, and her black nose twitched threateningly from time to time. Her stubby black tail stood erect and proud...In short, she was terrifying to Ash.
Ash blinked his eyes, trying to calm his suddenly quivering knees. He was about to black out...He could feel the darkness coming upon him...But he pushed it away and forced himself to look upon her, a slight twinge of curiosity passing over him. He had to look...Had to be sure...
He noticed the two familiar white bony protrusions (one still with a slight nick on it) on her back and the bony cuffs about her legs. Her flaming orange belly was the same color as her snout, and she looked like a Pokémon to be reckoned with...Was a Pokémon to be reckoned with...Yet, despite her somewhat evil and angry appearance, Ash couldn't help but think to himself—as he had the last time he had seen her—that she was beautiful.
Realizing he was going to pass out soon due to his locked legs if he didn't do something, Ash sat down upon the ground in front of the fence and continued staring at her, inhaling short breaths.
Professor Oak had made it so that the Pokémon couldn't dig her way out again, and so she looked more perturbed than she might otherwise have been. Knowing that she couldn't hurt the human didn't stop the Houndour from growling, however, and she snarled quietly within her throat.
Softly, as soon as he could get some of his wind back and still his frantic heart, Ash began talking to her. "Were...were you waiting to attack me that day?"
The Houndour just continued glaring and growling at him.
"I...I wasn't expecting what you did...I just expected to...to see you again..." Ash was shaking as he pulled his knees up to his chest and held onto them. His breathing quickened again. "I know you've been treated badly,...but...not all trainers are like that."
She barked and snapped at the air, leaping forward and making Ash flinch and avert his eyes.
Run away! Run away! a little voice in Ash's head was telling him in a frenzy, but he tried to ignore it. We've been separated once, he told himself. We don't need to be separated again...
"I just wish you didn't hate me..."
Houndour growled.
"It still hurts, you know," Ash said quietly, touching his hand against his stomach. "I bet that's what you think you want...But I don't think it's what you really want. I think that really you're just lonely, like I am sometimes..." He took a breath, trying to calm his heart. "I'm sorry about what happened."
The doglike Pokémon howled, sending chills down Ash's spine.
Ash took another deep breath as emotions and memories bombarded him. It was almost too much for him, and he felt like he was on the verge of hyperventilating. His body wanted nothing more than to give into the blissful darkness...Nothing could hurt him there...Still, he pushed the urge to the back of his mind.
The high-level Starmie hovered nearby noiselessly. It seemed somewhat concerned, however, for its core changed colors uneasily.
"I can still feel it,...still feel your claws digging into me,...your hot breath over my face,...your teeth ripping into my skin..." He took in a shallow breath. "It hurt so much,...hurts so much," he corrected. "I don't hate you for it, though. I'm just sort of confused...and scared." Ash finally looked up, tears shining in his eyes. "I think,...I think I saw death...I was really scared at first, but then,...then I realized it wasn't so scary. But even though I felt a sense of peace, I still had some fears, you know?"
Houndour's only reply was yet another growl as she sat down, her nostrils flaring.
Ash didn't let that stop him, however. "I didn't want to die. I haven't lived my life enough yet...It feels like there's so much I still need to do."
He was quiet for a few minutes, and the seated Houndour, the fire not quite gone from her eyes, snuffled in what almost seemed to be a curious manner.
"Have you ever faced death?" Ash asked her, trembling. But there was an eager sincerity in his eyes that took the Fire Pokémon aback. "I thought it would be cold and dark, but it isn't...Not really. There's actually light and warmth...But,...still,...even as you face that light and warmth, you know the darkness and cold are there, because to be able to face that light and warmth you first had to face the cold and darkness." He jammed his eyes shut. "I don't want to face that again." Even if the darkness was calling to him.
A few minutes later, when Ash looked up, the Houndour was gone.
"How was your training with Kingler?" Brock asked Ash when he got home.
"Uh, all right," Ash answered briefly before heading towards his room. Pikachu tried to follow him, but Ash shut the door before he could go in.
"Pika?" the little Pokémon asked worriedly. He ran into the kitchen where Brock was to complain. "Pika, pika," he said miserably. His dark round eyes looked up at the Rock Pokémon lover sadly.
"It's all right, Pikachu." Brock tried to soothe him. "Ash just needs some time to himself. Don't worry."
"Chu," the Electric-Type said resignedly. Even the thought of ketchup couldn't cheer him up at the moment. His Pika-pi needed him!
But if his Pika-pi didn't want to talk, then he couldn't make him...
