Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rating: PG 13 for a little sexuality.

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Ryan POV



"I'll like that with pepperoni, sausage and ... hold on for a minute..." Seth put his hand over the receiver and turned to me. "Ryan, what would you like on it?"

I shook my head - I wasn't hungry. "Anything you want."

Seth got back to the conversation and made the rest of the order.

"Ryan, is everything o.k.?" he asked after he'd hung up.

"Of course." I said. Lately, I hadn't been interested in talking about nothing.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

What did he want me to say? That I wasn't o.k. because the one girl I had managed to fall in love with in my adulthood happened to be in love with him? That even though I thought of him as a brother, lately, I'd found myself hating him because no matter what I did, when it came to him, I always came up short?

I couldn't say that so instead, I said, "I think I would know if I wasn't o.k., don't you think?"

"If you say so Ryan," he said patting my back as he got off the couch to look around the room. "You got it last time, right?" he asked, referring to the pizza. He kept looking around. " I wonder where I dumped my wallet," he thought aloud as he walked out. Anna had picked out the black leather wallet the last time they'd gone shopping.

She had been out of town for most of the week so I hadn't seen her since Marissa's thing. I didn't mind because that last scene had been replayed in my mind too many times to mention and didn't know what I'd say to her the next time we met. The things she said, the way she spoke... it was difficult to see myself through her eyes. "Must you have me too?" she had asked inferring that all I wanted from her was an additional notch on my bedpost. Yes, I had had my fair share of women but it wasn't a number's game with me.

And then the things I said to her. I didn't mean them... actually I did. But I didn't mean for them to come out the way they had. I just wanted her to see reason. I needed her to see reason. I wanted her to realize that even though she and Seth were great, she and I were greater. But she wasn't having it. Apparently, I was living in my own fantasy world because she loved him and not me. According to her, the kiss meant nothing. How could she know that it meant much more to me if she never let me express my true feelings? I had to say those things to make her see differently. But what good did it do? She was happy with him meaning that all I could bring her was misery. Well, she might have a point there. I certainly felt miserable watching them canoodling and being all 'couply.' I felt miserable every time Seth shared something positive about their relationship with me. I felt miserable every time I saw how Seth looked at her. I felt miserable every time I met a new woman knowing that in a million lifetimes she couldn't hold a candle to her. So yes, I knew misery. But Marissa had given me hope. I didn't have to tell her anything for her to see it. So why couldn't Anna? Regardless, I knew that it had to stop. Anna Stern didn't want me and I just had to learn to deal with that and move on. I was not a quitter but I knew futile when I saw it. Till that evening, my gut had told me that she was my missing link and that I was hers too. It had even said that this was our second chance for love. But I guess my gut was wrong.

Seth was coming back from his bedroom when the buzzer sounded.

"Wow, that was kinda quick! I hope they didn't get us a random pizza that had been laying around the whole time - that won't be cool," he said walking to the door.

He said something through the intercom and let the person in. About a minute later, I heard Anna scream, "Seth! I missed you!"

I couldn't see what they were doing, but I figured they must have been kissing or something because they didn't speak for about a minute. Frankly speaking, I tried not to think about it and instead found something to watch on television.

I heard the rustling sound of footsteps on carpet getting louder till they came into view. Anna was tearing at his clothes as they kissed and moved slowly into the living room. When they were close enough to a couch Anna pushed him on it and got on top of him. Unfortunately, it was the couch directly in front of me. I turned my face away and tried to focus on the game show that had turned out to the best thing my 171 channels offered at that particular moment, but I couldn't. The same thing that keeps a person looking instead of running when they hear a suspicious noise in the woods made me watch them. Curiosity was a bitch and I could do nothing about it. I watched as Anna expressed her affection to him. She didn't kiss - she nibbled. She didn't just place her lips on him, she let them linger and play with his. And when I closed my eyes I remembered her doing the same to me. They stayed in that position for about five minutes before Seth kissing her ear joked, "Whatever you had for dinner, have it every night."

She smiled. "I... haven't...had... dinner.... Cohen... it's... what... you.... do... to... me," she said between kisses.

Seth held her back for a moment. "Well.... then tell me what it is so that I can do it every night."

She grinned. Looking down at him she said with satisfaction, "How can't I love someone that does such things for me?" Then she gave him a long sensuous kiss.

"What did I do?" he asked again.

"My... Dad's... grave. Hey, let's go to your bedroom," she urged.

"What?" he asked in a confused tone.

Anna looked at him incredulously before she slid off him.
"You know...," she said right before she noticed me. She turned a bright shade of pink and covered her mouth with her hand in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I didn't know you were there."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Don't mind me. I've seen much worse... Forget about it."

"Yeah. Who do you think racks up all the pay-per-view charges?" Seth joked as he fixed his shirt.

She playfully hit his arm. "I can't believe you didn't tell me he was there."

Seth was laughing openly, "Can you blame me? Was I supposed to turn all that down? What were you saying about your Dad's grave?"

"You know... I was out of town, so I couldn't go on Sunday... so you helped me out. You know... with the flowers."

Seth shook his head. "I would love to take the credit but I didn't."

She looked completely confused. "You didn't? Hmm... then who...?"

"Your Mom, maybe? She might have been in town."

"I guess...." she said unconvinced.

The buzzer went off again.

"Yes, pizza! If I'd known you were coming, I would have ordered pineapple," Seth said getting up.

"I wanted to surprise you," she called after him.

She gave me an awkward glance before she went after him. Shortly after, she walked in front of him, her overnight bag in tow.

By this time, I'd had enough.

"Ryan, don't you want any?" Seth asked as I started to leave. I shook my head. It was bad enough watching them make out - watching them feed one another was taking it to another level.

I'd been in my room for over two hours. I'd tried to watch some television but there was nothing on. I checked my email and found nothing new. I surfed the net with no success -it was a slow news day. I just sat in my room and waited. I didn't step out till l I knew they'd left.

I heard them in his bedroom as I walked into the shower. I didn't even want to think of what they were doing but I couldn't help myself. If I hadn't watched them earlier in the evening, I wouldn't have had had such a clear picture of what was going on. In my mind's eye I saw her heaving on top of him and the expression on her face when she reached that moment. I'd hoped the shower would calm me down and help me think of other things but it didn't. Instead, the images kept floating in my mind. I tried to watch the news but all I could think of was Anna kissing Seth. Even the story of Jennifer Lopez and her ninth husband didn't take my mind off them. I stared at the screen but all I saw were Anna's lips on Seth. Or the expression on her face as Seth went to places I could only dream off. But mostly, I saw Seth and Anna gliding together, rhythmically, into ecstasy. And all I wanted was to exchange places with him.

After tossing and turning for about an hour and half without sleep in sight, I got out the proverbial black book or as we liked to call it - my cell phone. I knew a few women willing to help me take my mind off things for a few hours. I flipped it open and went through the names till I got to Amelia, the 5'7 voluptuous red-head that was up for anything. She was one of the few girls I knew would come over at 1am on a weeknight.

Thirty minutes later I shut the door behind her. Talk was cheap so we wasted no time on it.

As she pulled off her clothes in my room, she said, "I'm glad you called, Ryan. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me."

I responded with a kiss that showed her how much I hadn't.

"Well, that's more like it," she said jumping on my bed. She left her panties on because she knew how much I enjoyed taking them off.

I stood over her for a moment. I knew she was exactly what I needed - a beautiful woman that wasn't rejecting me. She didn't hide her feelings and wanted me as much as I wanted her.

She stretched her legs out, put them around my waist then pulled me down to her. I fell with my neck on her face.

"Sorry," I said.

She laughed as her fingers played with me.

I slid down till we were at eye level. Our lips parted but when I let my tongue go to places I'd visited so many times before, it didn't quite feel the same - Amelia didn't taste as good as she usually did. I let my lips explore her chin before I moved down to her throat. I kissed it softly and felt all my blood rush downwards. As I alternated between licking and nibbling her throat, I felt myself stiffen more and more till I was sure I was about to explode, but I didn't want to stop - she felt wonderful.

"Ryan!" she exclaimed. I lifted my head and saw green eyes staring back at me. I felt a pang of disappointment. For a moment there, I'd expected them to be brown.

"Ryan, are you trying to give me a hickie? Do you want me wearing turtlenecks in July?"

"Sorry," I said before I slid further down. As I kissed a trail going downwards, I felt myself getting limp. I moved up, stalling, giving her breasts more than enough attention, hoping that my blood would rush to the right place so I could get it over and done with. But it refused. As I was concentrating on her navel, she asked, "Ryan, do you still keep them in this drawer?" she said stretching to it.

I knelt on the bed so that she could see me. She looked at it then at me in shock - it was probably the first time she'd ever seen it flaccid.

"But a minute ago... but not to worry. I'll take care of it in a moment."

"I'm sorry. Let's just forget about it..."

"Nope. This is so unlike you Ryan, we'll fix," she said accepting the challenge.

And boy did she try. After about twenty minutes of putting her mouth and hands everywhere she could think of, she gave up.

I rolled over and didn't even say a word. I couldn't even be bothered to say the cliché 'this has never happened to me before.' I just didn't care. She tried to talk but I didn't respond. When she fell quiet, I looked at her and saw that she was putting her clothes back on. My alarm clock said it was 1:47am. I instantly felt guilty. I wasn't the kind of guy to treat a girl like this, especially one who didn't deserve it. After all, it wasn't her fault she had the wrong name.

"Amelia... don't leave," I said touching her back.

She glanced at me but didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry, it's already late - don't leave. Just spend the night."

She exhaled. "Ryan, is everything alright?"

I nodded, "yeah, but I guess I'm a little exhausted from work."

"I keep telling you not to work so hard. See what happened today?"

"I know... so will you stay? It makes no sense for you to leave now. You can just leave in the morning."

She looked at me for a few seconds before she started unbuttoning her shirt.

The next morning I woke up to the smell of sausages and eggs. The good thing about having Anna spend the night was that Seth usually made breakfast. I looked at the time - it was 7:31am. I woke Amelia and put on some pants before I walked into the kitchen.

I was there sipping some coffee when Anna walked in wearing one of Seth's shirts. Even disheveled with a bare face and bed hair, she was breathtakingly beautiful... and I felt a pang of regret on the realization that I didn't get to wake up next to her. I hid my face so that she couldn't read it. She opened the fridge, took out the orange juice then poured it into two glasses. The whole time we didn't exchange a single word.

As she turned to leave she said, "Was it you?"

"Who?"

"You know... my Dad's flowers," she said turning back and dropping the glasses on the counter.

I didn't say anything. I knew that she'd eventually guess correctly.

"Ryan, did you?"

She was looking directly at my face but I noticed that on occasion, her eyes fell downward to my chest and stayed there for a few seconds before she seemingly remembered to take them off. It was almost amusing. No matter what she said, she had to admit that at least on a physical level, she was attracted to me and for that moment I was very satisfied. Till I remembered what she had been happily doing the previous night with my best friend.

"Ryan... did you do it?"

I nodded. "Yeah," I said looking away.

"Thank you," she said, her voice filled with gratitude.

"Anytime."

She smiled weakly then started to leave.

I wanted to ask a question. When she found out about the flowers she'd said 'How can't I love someone that does such things for me?' So I wanted to know how she could not love me for that. It didn't seem fair because she seemed to love him for the same thing. But all I could manage was, "I'm sorry."

She stood still. "For?" she said without turning around.

"For what I said at the church, I didn't mean it."

She spun around. "Don't worry about it," she said dismissively. "Besides, I think -"

Her words were cut short by the sound of my door opening. I spun around and saw Amelia walking through it. I looked at Anna and saw that her eyes had widened in surprise.

"Oh, I didn't know you had company," Anna said self-consciously.

I made the necessary introductions.

Amelia refused breakfast but kissed me instead. Anna just stood there watching us.

"Seth must be wondering where I am," she said after the other girl left.

"You were going to say something," I reminded her. I wanted her to complete the sentence.

"Oh, nothing. I... I need to get ready - I have a 9 o'clock class."

I looked at the counter.

"Don't forget your orange juice," I reminded her.

She picked the glasses up and went back to him.