A/N: This is kind of long. I was thinking about breaking it into two chapters like I did 4&5 but since it's the same POV, I figure there's no point. As always, thanks for reading and reviewing.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
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Anna POV
The day after my incident with Ryan, I broke up with Seth. Not because I didn't love him, because Lord knows I did -in my own way - but because I felt like a slut. If it were the usual run-of-the-mill slut that volunteers herself for a gang-bang just to be popular with the football team, I would have gotten over it. No, not that kind. Instead, I felt like the conniving, disgusting, low-life kind of slut that has no sexual boundaries, hence, sees nothing wrong with sleeping with a man and his father at the same time. Or in my case, his brother. Not that I'd slept with him. But I thought of it. Some say that thinking it is just as bad as doing it. In fact, I think I would have done it if he hadn't put a stop to it. And that made me feel lower than the plankton swimming in the Hudson River.
Luckily, when I got back into the club that evening, I was glad to see our table empty. That gave me enough time to pull myself together and make sure I didn't look guilty. On his return, when he complained that he'd walked around the club searching for me, all I said was, "I was searching for you too - we must have missed each other." What else could I have said? That I'd been outside almost screwing his best friend? That just didn't seem right.
I'd spent the next day depressed, confined in my bed, scoffing down a gallon of rocky road ice-cream when I heard my doorbell ring. I instantly remembered; Seth and I had planned to spend the afternoon in Central Park. I was the designated picnic basket packer while he was the wine bringer. Rollerblading was also scheduled.
I opened the door and let him in. He kissed me on the lips then crinkled his nose.
"No offense darling - you stink!"
I chuckled. "I know."
He put the bottle of white wine in the kitchen. I stood next to the dinning table watching him.
"So, what are you waiting for? Run into the shower and get ready. I want to be able to get a place with some shade. Plus, we don't want to get stuck in the 'family zone' either. Remember what happened last time? " Some kid's ball had hit him on the head. Instead of getting mad like I would have, he'd made a joke about making the kid buy him a helmet and teased that he would seize the ball. That was so Seth - sweet and playful. That memory was further evidence of what I'd realized; Seth Cohen was too good for me. At that moment, I knew what I had to do.
"Come on, get on with it." He was shooing me to the shower.
"I'm sorry, Seth, but I'm not going to be coming out with you today."
Still smiling, he raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"I've been thinking about this for a while..."
"What's to think about? I'm sure it's nothing sunscreen can't fix..."
I wasn't going to let him make it any more difficult than it had to be. "I've been thinking about it for a while and I don't think we should see each other anymore."
"What?" He looked so stunned that I was sure I could knock him over with a feather.
"Seth, I like you, but..."
He folded his hands while he shook his head. "No... this is not happening," he said to no one in particular. He seemed baffled.
"I'm so sorry."
"Why? Because last week I asked you about Ryan? I'm sorry, but I thought we'd dealt with that."
"No, it's not that."
"Then what?"
I couldn't very well tell him that it was because I was the lowest common denominator on the planet, but I wanted to reassure him that it wasn't about him. It was the one time that 'it's not you, but me,' was literally true. But I just couldn't tell him anything so cliché - he deserved much more.
"Seth, I just don't think this is going to work. It has nothing to do with you, you've been perfect, this is about me," I explained. I'd tried but couldn't come up with anything better.
He enclosed my already entwined fingers in his hands. "If there's something wrong, we can work on it together. Isn't that what we've always done?"
"Seth, this is something I have to deal with on my own and I can't bring myself to drag you into it."
"I give you permission, drag me into it," he implored, still holding me hands.
He just wasn't taking the hint. I wiggled my hands from his. I'd always been clumsy at breaking up, but I knew it was for the best.
"Seth, I'm sorry. I've already thought about it and there's no way we can keep seeing each other."
He nodded. He just kept nodding. "I see... I see....No one breaks up for no reason. I mean, you can't even tell me what it is. Could you be any vaguer? So, I asked you about Ryan. Big deal. Is it wrong for me to try to clarify things with my girlfriend? Relationships are based on trust. I am not going to apologize for asking you a question."
"I am not asking you to."
"Yeah, but you're breaking up about it. That's fine." he said. "I guess we were in different relationships because the one I was in would survive a little confusion or jealousy or whatever you want to call it."
I was getting a little irritated. "Seth, not everything is about you. This is something I have to deal with on my own - I already told you that."
"Oh... now, I think everything is about me? This just keeps getting better." He looked at the bottle of wine. "Yes, you can keep that. I don't want you to say that I brought the wine only for me, since all I think about is myself. Have a nice life, Anna," he said right before he walked out of my apartment.
I really didn't want to hurt him but I knew I'd made the best choice.
The worst part was, on some level, I'd hoped that three hours after he left, my doorbell would ring and standing on the other side of the door, scruffy, sweaty and out of breath, would be Ryan who would scoop me into his arms and tell me he loved me.
Three hours turned into three days and the only person that had rung my bell was Shanghai Garden's delivery boy. I tried to forget about the 77th and Amsterdam boys by focusing on my work - not that I had a choice because my thesis proposal was due that Friday. Even though I'd invested so much time and effort into my research, I was especially nervous about it because my previous meeting with the board hadn't gone well.
As I was locking the door of my office, ready to face my fate, I was stopped by a man with a large bouquet of yellow and red roses.
"Are you Anna Stern?"
I nodded. "Yes?"
"These are for you," he said, handing them to me.
I retraced my steps and put the flowers on the table. I picked up the card. It read:
Enjoy these after you show them the genius you've shown me. Love Seth.
I couldn't even believe it. Even though I'd broken up with him so heartlessly, Seth still cared enough to wish me luck on such an important day. I fought back the tears and kicked ass at the meeting.
Later that evening, I called him and got no response. Ten redials and two hours later, I called his land line.
"Hello?" It was Ryan. My heart leapt into my throat. It was the first time I'd spoken to him since he'd had his tongue in my mouth.
"Hi, Ryan. Is Seth there?" I asked. I was so nervous that I could hear my own voice shaking.
"I don't know, let me check," he said in the steadiest of voices. I don't know what I'd expected, but a reaction would have been nice -any reaction. He was gone for about a minute but I heard two distinct voices in the background.
"He isn't around."
"Ryan, I know he's there. I heard him. Please put him on."
"Seth, she knows you're here. You might want to speak to her," he said in a fainter voice.
"Yes?" Seth said about two minutes later. It think he'd expected me to just hang up but I wasn't giving up so easily.
"Seth, thank you so much."
"For?"
"The flowers you sent."
He paused. "Oh."
"Thank you so much! They were my secret weapon - my proposal was approved," I informed him with jubilation.
"Good for you, but I ordered them about two weeks ago. If I'd remembered, I would probably have cancelled the order."
My heart sank; he was being incredibly cruel. I knew I'd hurt him but I didn't know that it was so bad he felt the need to lash out at me. Regardless, I wanted to fix it. Any guy that was sweet enough to support his ex-girlfriend so soon after the break-up was a gem worth saving. Besides, I didn't believe him for a moment, I knew in my heart that he'd remembered and still didn't cancel the order.
"Seth, can you come over tomorrow night?"
"What?"
"Please, Seth, just say yes."
"Why in the world would I want to do that?"
"I am begging, Seth. Just this once -as a favor to me."
"Anna, I don't see why I should do favors for a person that wouldn't even give me any real explanations."
"Please, Seth....Please."
After more groveling, he finally gave in as I knew he would. I knew he couldn't have stopped loving me so quickly because I certainly hadn't.
The next day, I led him into my candle lit living room. On the off-brown carpet, I'd laid down our picnic - towel and all -and next to it stood the uncorked bottle of wine.
"What's this?"
It was my turn to take his hand. "Seth, let's pick up from where we left off," I pleaded.
"You must be kidding me."
I kissed him but he didn't respond.
"You see, I'm not kidding," I smiled.
He face remained expressionless.
"Seth, I'm so sorry about what happened last week."
He sighed. "Anna, I don't even know what's going on. Last week, you break up with me, this week you want me back. Do you even know what you are doing?"
"I know that what I did was wrong." Yes, it was wrong to dump you for dumb reasons including thinking Ryan was someone I could have something real with but I made a huge mistake, I couldn't add.
"Is that so?"
"Yes, Seth, I made a mistake. I was going through some things but I've dealt with them. Please forgive me."
He thought about it. "I feel like I should not give in so easily because what you did was foul."
I was relieved. Things were turning out like I'd hoped. "But we love each other, right? There's no point in making things harder than they need to be."
He looked at the picnic basket. "What do you have in there?"
I smiled.
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Newport had barely changed in eight years. It had the same trees, the same aquatic smell and the same pretentious people impeccably dressed in designer duds. I was spending Thanksgiving with the Cohens and later that weekend, we were attending Marissa's wedding. Marissa had chosen that date to make it easier for all their relatives to attend. Ryan and I had spent so little time together in the past three months that it felt stranger having dinner with him than it did with Seth's parents.
Rosa had the holiday off, so the girls were the assigned table clearers while the boys had to do the dishes. I was deboning the turkey and placing the flesh into a Ziploc bag while Seth's mother, who hadn't aged a day, was putting the rest of the leftovers away.
"I'm so happy you're here this year, Anna. For once, they loved the turkey."
I grinned. "They were just being nice, Mrs. Cohen."
"Kirsten, "she corrected. "How many times have I told you that 'Mrs. Cohen' makes me feel like Sandy's mother?"
I giggled, "I'm sorry, Kirsten."
"And they were not being nice. It was delicious."
"Thank you."
"You know something? When I saw you in May...," she'd been in town on a business trip. "....I wasn't sure what to think because Seth has a tendency to fall head over heels quite quickly, and I knew how it had ended the first time around..."
"Yeah...."
"But now I'm glad that it's working out well with you two. I can worry less knowing that you're there with him."
I was touched. "Thank you so much. And yeah, we are in a comfortable place."
"Don't get too comfortable," she cautioned.
"Why not?"
"Because you know..." she hesitated. She looked quite uncomfortable. "Hell, you're an adult, I can say this... you never want the passion to die."
It was amusing seeing her squirm a little. "Are you saying you and Mr. Cohen still have passion?" I teased.
Seth's dad, crowned by a mop of salt and pepper hair, walked in. "Of course. Every time I see her, I want to sweep her up into my arms and kiss her senses away," he said, doing just that.
"When will you guys realize you are old?" Seth said walking toward me with Ryan lagging a little behind. "Yuck. Anna shouldn't have to see this."
He stood behind me and put his arm around my shoulders. "Promise me we'll never be like them," he begged.
"I'm sorry, son - it's in the Cohen blood," Sandy said.
Everyone laughed.
"I'll be going to my room," Ryan announced suddenly. He left after he poured himself a glass of apple juice.
"Is everything alright with him?" Kirsten asked after the door slammed.
Seth and I shrugged. I could hazard a guess but I was too scared to.
----
Marissa looked like a princess in the stunning gown Summer had designed. It was a 1940s-inspired white silk strapless gown with a three-foot train. Nick looked just as stunning in his black tuxedo. The wedding had taken place in a beautiful quaint-looking church overlooking a mountain valley with an arrangement of plant life that could rival The Botanical Gardens. However, what really made the wedding feel magical was the couple itself- as they exchanged vows, there was no question that those two were destined for one another. It was one of those things you could never describe but knew when you saw it. They had it.
"Hey guys, what's up?" Summer said, plopping on the seat Ryan.
The reception was in full swing. The wedding cake had been cut and people were dancing and having a good time. I think it felt a little strange attending a Newport party after so long because none of us had ventured far from our table.
"You're quite a gloomy bunch," Summer commented. "I was dying of boredom over there with the other bridesmaids so I thought I'll come and hang out with the old gang. It's just like old times."
We all shot her a look.
"O.K. O.K. Not quite like old times. But you know what I mean."
"The bridesmaids dresses are gorgeous," I complimented.
"Yep. Thanks. And for $2,500 you can have one for yourself."
"Really?"
"Yep." She held up her hands, " These hands don't work for pennies." She started grooving to the music.
"Who's going to dance with me?"
Both boys looked away. "Well, you don't have a choice, Chino," she said pulling him up. "Let's see what New York's taught you."
As they moved to the music, I couldn't help but notice that they were dancing a little too closely and holding on to one another a little too tightly. As far as I could see, there was no reason for her to vigorously rub her butt against him or put her arms around his neck so intimately. I didn't know why I even cared, but I expected her to be a little considerate knowing that he was her best friend's ex. I was sure that Marissa wouldn't have appreciated seeing them like that.
I must have stared at them for a while because Seth said, "they really look like they are having fun. Want to join them?"
"Are they dating?"
He laughed. "Ryan and Summer? I don't think Ryan could ever date one of my exes."
"Why?"
"I don't know... I think a misguided sense of duty maybe? He might think it'll hurt me."
"And would you?"
"Mind if he dated Summer? I'll like to say no, but maybe a little ...but that's because we were together for so long. But if it's an ex I was with for a short time, I'll be fine. Besides, it can never happen - he never thinks any of my girlfriends are hot."
-----
Seth and I were dancing when Marissa pulled me aside.
"Be ready, I am going to throw the bouquet to you."
"Why?" I asked mortified.
"Because, you know..."
"No, I don't know."
"I don't want to sound cheesy, but you know; you're next in line."
"In which line?"
She groaned. "Come on, Anna. Everyone can see it. What do you think we've all been talking about this weekend?"
The whole idea that people had been talking about Seth and I didn't sit well with me. Not even a little bit.
"Who's been talking about it?"
"You know, everybody. Anyway, just make sure you're ready because I am aiming for you."
"What about Summer?"
"Summer?" she dismissed. "She's very single -she didn't even bring a date today."
"I know, but you never know. She and Ryan..."
Marissa's loud laugh interrupted me.
"Yeah, right. How about you stop being in denial and be a good sport and catch it? I don't want Nick's evil sister to get it."
At the point, the MC made an announcement.
"That's my cue," she said. "Try to stand in front, o.k.?"
Everyone but the desperate singletons started leaving the dance floor but when I tried to do the same, Kirsten stopped me. I think it was her turn to enjoy watching me squirm.
As planned, Marissa threw the bouquet to me, but when it hit my clenched fist, I punched it away. The entire room roared with laughter. Well, everyone but Ryan whom I noticed wasn't even paying attention to us.
Around 10:30pm, I could feel my make-up sliding off, so I went to the bathroom to freshen up.
Shortly after I'd patted all the sweat off, Summer walked in.
"I see what's happening," she said, ignoring the two girls sharing the mirror with me.
"What?"
"Anna, I like you and all - even with all the silliness that happened in high school..."
"O--K?"
"And maybe I am not in a position to say anything because he and I haven't been as close as we could be..."
"O.K.?"
"But if you hurt him...."
"Who?" In addition to not knowing what she was talking about, I didn't even know who she was talking about.
"You know who. Just don't hurt him, o.k.?"
"O.K." There was nothing else I could say. And frankly speaking I figured that if she didn't care enough to speak plainly, I didn't care enough to try to decode her message.
"Good." She looked at her reflection in the mirror then took out a tube of lipstick from her handbag.
