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Disclaimer: You're asking this girl if she is in possession of the greatest Anime ever when she, herself, can't even take part in a time-shared dog?
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Forward Important Notice: Every part of my furniture has been moved, and the wall near my computer has been smashed open. Not to mention my bathroom and closet are in no better condition. A leak of water in my neighbor's apartment has flooded her whole living room, bathroom, closets, and kitchen. And like the disrespectful Amish (You can't tell me shit about the Amish, because you are not Amish. If you were, you wouldn't even be reading this) stepford she is, she blames every single problem she has on either:
A.) Her neighbors.
B.) The landlord.
C.) God.
Well, the landlord doesn't even remember that he owns 4 apartment buildings in Lauderdale and can care less for the problems that happen to it, to God all the people of the world are his little T.V. shows and we can't really make him switch the channel off us. So, who is left? The wench. I actually found it funny when they started arguing about the sewage water in her apartment at early hours of the morning, but when I heard 'break' 'wall' and 'hell' used in the same sentence all laughter just stops, rolls over, and dies. Frankly, I wanted to do the same. Yet here I am, my chair almost 2 inches in sewage water. So I am just writing this before I get electrocuted. Can't type more until the water is gone, so the rest after the last words of this sentence history to be made.
I snapped an idea in the middle of the night like a fresh green bean. Somehow, a newer form of the plot will take play than from what I had before and even more sarcasm and naughty language will ensue. From thence more freakin' characters will arise and—wait, wait, wait—HOLD. THE. PHONE… This sounds like I'm crafting fucking Armageddon. But I don't want this to turn into a Forest Gump, so it'll have to do. I have counted over the characters in my little reference guide I made in Notepad. Turns out that there are in the least 55 more people/demons/random beasts to jostle into this story, and it is up to my full intentions to do so. Hopefully, my ideas will not freak out the audiences just because my head is missing a few bolts. Pass the salt.
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WARNINGS: Bashing and all that jolly good juice we love.
KEEP IN MIND: Fuck you guys who can't handle Bonehilda. That is the most realistic thing I've had in this story! I am NOT taking medication (for some of you who had the gull to ask), and if you can't take the fact that there are people out there in worse condition than you are, then I think YOU are the ones in need of medication. What the hell do you want me to take for the pattern of my brain waves? Dramamine? If you don't benefit from what this story has to offer, than it's your loss when everything gets better in the end and you're the one who is left in the lurch of because you acted like despondent pocket-sized vomit-trashing Joe Dirts with no valor or compassion. I have no problem with people being a little bit shaken by the last chapter, but calm the fuck down some of you. It's not like Reagan made another nuclear bomb joke so chill.
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Dirty Sneakers
Chapter 12 » Smooth Operators
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The day was beginning and everyone around the area seemed to be more alive. People took tendency upon themselves to roam The Courts while Botan and Momig sat on the sidelines watching them all like hawks.
But on the other side of realism, the gang of high school students and the glamour glommer gimpettes were all lined up against the fence with Chocolate eyeing each and every one of them like a drill sergeant. Kanna who was making small head and neck gestures to her brother was standing right behind her. Naraku just nodded and turned his attention to Kohaku and Souta. The two boys were trying to chat up the same guy who Jakotsu was currently hitting on with Bankotsu trying his best to pry his brother off the poor circus folk. Naraku snorted, reversing his gaze from Chocolate who was eyeing him suspiciously.
Behind her back, Chocolate lightly tapped the whip handle against her hand, walking against the line that the high school students made sloppily along the prickly fence.
"So, you'll all see the light of day again from the other side…eh…?" She said wistfully.
InuYasha jabbed Kagome lightly in the ribs.
"Don't you think that she's getting the hang of this job of hers?" InuYasha whispered. Kagome giggled as Chocolate gave InuYasha a mocking glance and enduring her tromps.
"Yeah! And if she isn't, who the hell cares? She has half the looks to kill, and the other half to run her own street." Kagome whispered off-handedly. Sango and Miroku chuckled behind their wrists. (H/N: When someone comes up to you and asks, "Do you run your own street?" of course that means that they're asking if you're a prostitute. It's exactly what a lot lizard is, as well.)
"So when are we getting out of this firestorm?" Sango asked her other three friends.
"I'd say soon," Miroku spoke up as his eyes roamed The Courts until they landed on Kanna. Kanna was now talking to Officer Chocolate as Naraku reached for Chocolate's belt side suspiciously.
Miroku pointed to Naraku and Kanna and turned back to his friends as they looked onto where he had pointed just before.
"What do you suppose he's doing?" Sango asked quite perplexed, pulling her hand out of the diamond-rimmed fence they sneaked through.
Miroku smirked. "Maybe he's just seeking for a little something-something."
InuYasha looked disgusted. "It's all about the perversion with you isn't it?"
"It is nothing but slender sexual tension my friend."
"Sexual tension," Kagome said questioningly, rolling her eyes. "Miroku, you think that the September 11th national and international Moment Of Silence is just a bunch of sexual tension. Right in the middle of it Miroku was breaking a sweat so bad it was flowing like Niagara Falls. You almost had to make me look for a barrel to float in."
But before anyone had a chance to respond or laugh or sulk, Kagome stepped forward from against the fence and stood rigidly frozen.
"What's wrong Kagome?" InuYasha asked worriedly.
Kagome settled back against the fence with a relaxed composure like nothing happened. But her façade looked slightly vexed.
"Bad intuition."
Officer Chocolate took that right time to pluck Kikyo off the fence and shove her forward.
"You, bunny-boiler, lead your fucking crew to the front there," Chocolate pointed to the gates where Kanna and the manic Souta and Kohaku. "Goshinki will lead you out, and there you will take chartered cars to escort you out of here and back home where you 'oughta be. You're all off on bail."
"Not all of us, lady." Bankotsu spoke. He had Jakotsu by the shirt collar that was waving to some guys who sharply resembled Fats Domino in a white version, and were urgently ushering him over. InuYasha, Kagome, Sango and Miroku looked confused, and they were the only ones besides the sluts who were huddled together and shaking like puppies about to be eaten by Anna Nicole Smith and didn't really care much.
The Shichinin-tai group appeared quite baffled but intent to listen.
"What the hell are you dolts talking about?" Chocolate snapped.
"What I mean is that we will be staying for just one more week because my brother seems…" Bankotsu paused, searching for the right words to complete his statement and pass it along like an innocent child. Or at least the innocent child's parent.
"To be attached to this place."
"More like attached to the men." Mumbled a revolted Miroku.
"How long?" Chocolate folded her arms over her chest and sighed roughly.
"Nearly a week," Bankotsu reasoned. "Maybe more."
Chocolate snorted. Bankotsu finally let go of Jakotsu's struggling shirt and there Jakotsu shot off like a rocket. He walked over to Kouga and grabbed his collar in a tight fist that started to make him choke. Ayame laughed at her rival's pain until she was on the floor gagging like a wigger.
"You, Kouga, are staying here also."
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEA—"
"Quiet, imbecile. Don't argue with me."
"DON'T YOU TELL ME TO QUIET!! I'M NOT—"
Now, Bankotsu was a reasonable person. But once on his bad side, always on his bad side. Right now, he wasn't in the mood to argue and by estimation if they didn't get Kouga to shut up and soon, some blood was gonna' spill. Bankotsu's fist tightened on Kouga's shirt collar and his scowl cut deep.
"How about you obtain a fad beyond making a rancid ass out of yourself every time you open your itinerant sperm bank of a mouth? Now are you going to shut up or not? People want to leave about now."
Kouga just nodded in dazed astonishment. Bankotsu scoffed and threw him against the prickly barrier. Chocolate watched on in, what seemed to be, impressionable respect for Bankotsu.
"He's staying too." Bankotsu stated to the sadist officer.
"Alright fine, everyone move. Time for you palookas to rid everyone of your presence...Thank God."
Kanna made her way first out of the unlocked gates with Kohaku and Souta then waited for everyone to get out. Kagome just shoved Chocolate harshly shoulder-to-shoulder out of the way and was followed by Sango. Miroku and InuYasha just passed by with glares and insults, while the sluts followed quickly for 'protection' but eventually got shoved into the back of the line that lead out.
Sesshoumaru and Naraku were the last ones to leave the gates. Sesshoumaru took one looked back as Naraku silently gave an item into the waiting hands of Bankotsu, who was watching them all leave. It went unnoticed as Naraku and Sesshoumaru kept droll expressions and left through the gates.
It was hell on the outside. Shippou was trying his best to calm a raving Crayon down. Crayon was shouting about Goshinki's crooked badge while Shippou was telling him that she was an Obsessive Compulsive and wasn't ready to be 'put away' like the guard had offered. InuYasha and Sango were thrashing a distorted, not to mention perverted, Miroku for trying to cop a feel of Kagome's rump. Kagome herself was having a verbal abuse session with Chocolate for talking dire about Souta and the lead backer of Howard the Duck.
The closed gates gathered around the Shichinin-tai, giving Bankotsu luck with their other brother.
Sesshoumaru and Naraku were talking in low tones and away from the other groups with shifty eyes and a 3vil atmosphere. The three doolally lot lizards, Yura, Kagura, and Kikyo, were presently being made fun of by passing officers and kicked around by Souta and Kohaku like an empty pill canister.
Hojo was busy sneaking up on random people and tapping their shoulders to make them look around so he can duck like he didn't do it, acting like the odd basket case he always was.
"This way—follow me!" Kiyone stood with a bubbly-as-ever Mihoshi holding a pink cube right behind her. Hell, she was practically clinging happily to her like a Bounce fabric softener sheet.
The crowd gathered, all talking ceased to a lower volume, not wanting to risk further damage to their ears and skin so all who were out followed her order. Kiyone turned to Mihoshi.
"Remember: up turn, left turn, right turn, right turn. Got it?" Mihoshi nodded eccentrically.
"Right-o, Kiyone! I got it all under control, don't you worry!" Holding up the transparent pink cube and about to screw it sideways, Kiyone stopped her just in time and grabbed the cube away with a frown.
"Never-frickin'-mind. We're walking. I needed a good walk anyways…"
And so they all left with a commotion heading back to the Sunset Shrine in sirens.
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"Bankotsu, why the hell are we really here? I know we aren't just staying so your pillow-biting brother can get some action with some lout named Fritz. InuYasha is taking MY woman home, and I'm stuck here with you, the pita (H/N: Pain In The Ass), and that bizitch," Kouga said quite angrily. Bankotsu and him were in a far away area of The Courts under a shady tree, already sitting and discussing business where no one was near. Jakotsu was all the way on the other side of The Courts enjoying his stay to the fullest like a child at his own birthday party.
"You know as well as I do that I can't stand my brother much, but it's the only reason to stay behind. We need to make sure that he doesn't get out of hand. Leaving him in jail with a bunch of men might gather him some long-term relationships so he can keep away from some of us guys at home. Plus, it'll give him time to write to some of his new friends here. We worry that he's going to be dyslexic, so we're just trying to expand his horizons by letting him stay." Bankotsu stated wisely, choosing to avoid the comment Kouga made about 'his' Kagome.
"Killing two birds with one stone." Kouga said knowingly.
Bankotsu shrugged. "You could say that."
"But why do I have to stay here? Why not your brothers who worry over him and stay?" Kouga snarled.
"Because," Bankotsu stated ever so calmly. "No one else was up for the challenge. The other men were too afraid or too bold to be kept contained. You, me, we have the will power to just stay another week or so. Besides, Naraku gave generous compensation to bail us out. And if there is any information to be dished out here that's pretty juicy than we're the first ones to know about it and tell it to the outside world. Maybe even make some money off of it."
Kouga accepted this and couldn't help but smirk smugly. "Who the hell are you gonna' tell if we do dig up some dirt? We only have one phone call. It would be plain-ass stupid to just tell it to them in the middle of the week because something may happen afterwards. We'd need our own phone or something to call."
It was Bankotsu's turn to smirk. "I'd thought you'd never bring it up." And slowly out of his long hoodie sleeve came his hand wrapped lightly around a small black leather-cased object.
Kouga eyed it suspiciously before his eyes widened in realization.
"That's—"
"Chocolate's cell phone." Bankotsu interrupted. "Naraku stole it from behind her just as Kanna was arguing with her about the charges everyone was arrested for. I doubt Chocolate will notice until much later—hell she may never notice. Sesshoumaru is an expert with cell phones, see. He checked around the number files and found out that the only number listed is the local Pizza Hut. It's only been called four times in the last 5 months."
Kouga gave a loud chortle and slapped Bankotsu on the back in congrats.
"You sly bastards. But how on God's green earth did you find out how many times that Pizza Hut was called?"
"Like I said," Bankotsu said flicking Kouga's hand from his shoulder. "Sesshoumaru is Dennis the Menace of cell phones. He has his ways." Bankotsu put his cobalt hoodie over his head that shadowed his face. He flipped the cell phone over as Kouga looked down at the attachment that was clipped into the phone's belt clip.
"It's a note." Kouga stated.
The boy under the hood rolled his eyes unnoticed. "I didn't even notice that until you said something. Gee, what would I ever do without you Holmes?"
"Ah, shut the hell up and open it." Kouga spat.
Bankotsu did so. The scribbling looked like it was done on another person's back with close to dried out black ink. The note read:
'Bankotsu and whoever the hell you took down with you,
You know where this came from. Return it to the belt from where it came, or just take it with you and destroy it before the bitch notices it's gone and decides to track it down after everything is said and done. Call when ready to be picked up, or in any case, we're getting you three out in a week and 4 days counting anyways. Sesshoumaru already engraved the bitch's cell number on his forearm incase you don't call within that time. Kagome's number, Sesshoumaru's number, and my number are written at the bottom incase you need to call someone for emergency or really messy dirt. If I were you, I'd call Kagome's number first since that's where everyone is staying for a while. And remember while you're in prison—trust nobody. Remember you are in a jar full of dejected yahoos out for a thrill. It's no playground when nighttime comes either. Oh Christ, I'm stopping this. I'm starting to sound like a mother. Just fucking beware of people you meet and keep us informed in private every other fucking day, got it?
Good luck with the flaming she-devil from the pits of Davie Jones' Locker,
Naraku'
"You heard 'im." Bankotsu demanded gallantly.
"Loud and clear." Kouga responded reverently, mentally memorizing Kagome's phone number in his mind.
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"Naraku…"
"What is it, Kanna?"
"You know that dad is going to cut off your head faster than you can say 'Hey, hey, that's my tractor', right?"
"…We should just kill him."
"Electrocution? Setting him on fire? Drowning him? Burying him alive? Making him watch the whole 7 seasons of Dallas from the very beginning? You're forgetting brother dearest, we've already done all that. Repeatedly."
"What were the results of all that again?"
"The nurses in the hospital told us to stop after she found us in numerous places with dad's body stabilized to the stretcher and his little plastic water bag-whatever the hell that was that was keeping him alive."
"Didn't we ever stab a knife in one of those things at some time?"
"Yeah, but the bastard kept on breathing. Don't you remember when we plugged his nose with those cotton swabs dunked in chloroform a couple of minutes before that very nurse came back to check on him?"
"Aaah… Those were the days."
That was the very conversation going on between Naraku and Kanna. But at the card table that was set up in the middle of the Higurashi living room was quite talkative than the brother and sister who already had their fates sealed by their own blood. The card table's conversation was really quite the opposite, indeed.
Kagome, InuYasha, Sesshoumaru, Sango, Miroku, Crayon, Shippou, Renkotsu, Kyoukotsu, Mukotsu, Ginkotsu, Suikotsu, and Hojo were sitting around the table like dogs playing poker in that one famous painting.
"In any case I'm glad that Kouga is gone." InuYasha stated. He leaned back in his chair with his a blissful and worry-free expression on his face.
"Maybe it's because you're just jealous of him. I swear InuYasha, once you talk to him you'll be friends with him, I know it!"
"Jealous?! ME Jealous? Pocky!" InuYasha shouted, slamming his chair back on all fours.
At the name of Pocky, Kohaku and Souta ran into the kitchen at full-speed raiding the fridge for any sign of the god.
"Yeah I kind of noticed that as well." Miroku said lightly. He smoothed out his hair from the whiplash of the two little monsters that roared past. "Right when we were about to be arrested Kouga made a quick grab for Kagome, but you fended him off instead. Oh sure, InuYasha. You aren't jealous."
"To hell with your sarcasm, Roku!" InuYasha shouted to his best friend.
"Been there, came back. No where else to go but in my very mouth." Miroku replied to his friend's hot temper.
"I'll bet! Just like a—" InuYasha was interrupted by a slap on the ear by none other than Kagome. His abused ear swiveled and twitched before it fell flat against his head. "Oi!!"
"InuYasha, you say it and I'll hurt you." Kagome said in a warning tone of voice.
"Feh! Make me, thunder-thighs." InuYasha smirked. He knew the effect that phrase had on woman. Sango gasped in horror from next to Kagome and was already trying to calm her fuming girlfriend back into her chair.
"Kagome! Settle down! He's just trying to get under your skin, you know it!" Sango shouted uselessly.
"What's the matter, Kagome? You must be really weak to be held back by a breathing toothpick."
Sango narrowed her eyes into slits and released Kagome immediately.
"Smack him one for me, Kagome." Sango said airily and sat back down in her chair going back into conversation.
Kagome chased InuYasha around the house for a good 10 minutes until she finally tackled him near the stairway and pinned him beneath her. They were panting hard from running around and shouting. Kagome fell flat against InuYasha's cast-iron chest to keep him from escaping not even noticing him blush severely beneath her.
"Get.. off." InuYasha panted. He was a real hypocrite, you know. Didn't really mean what he said, hoping she didn't hear it. He placed his hand on Kagome's back and made soothing motions when she started to cough lightly.
"Hey, Kagome-chan, are you alright there?" He spoke purely worried at her heavy breathing.
"Yeah, I'll live. Hey, when did it get so hot in here?" Kagome sat up and in the process straddled InuYasha's waist, making him blush scarlet even harder.
"Um.." InuYasha stuttered, fiddling with his silver hair that was fanned out all around him on the floor.
"What? Oh…" Kagome blushed just as hard as InuYasha was after she got up. Moving to the side and clinging comfortably to InuYasha's arm, the ebony-haired teen sighed in content.
InuYasha smirked. "Comfortable, thunder-thighs?"
Kagome let go of his arm angrily and pinched an ear with her nails making him yelp like Lassie.
"Why always the EARS Kagome?! I should file you for ear harassment!"
She snickered. "And what are you going to tell the people on the line? 'Hello, my name is InuYasha and my best friend Kagome won't stop sexually harassing my ears?' That'd get your name on jokeaday.com for sure."
InuYasha gave a 'feh' and sat up. "And who said you were my best friend, eh?"
"I'm not your best friend? Well fine then, you ain't my best friend neither." Kagome's eyes widened and she too sat up and turned her back on him to face the wall. Her shoulders slumped as she sulked.
"Aww… Don't be like that, Kag-chan." InuYasha said playfully and started to crawl towards her and behind her back.
"Nu-uh, you can't call me that, only my friends call me Kag-chan. You aren't my friend." Kagome found it hard to face away from InuYasha as he peeked his head cutely from the side of her ribs but she came through somehow.
"C'mon, Kag-chan, I was only teasing. Forgive me?" InuYasha tackled her to the carpet and gave her the puppy face. She didn't know how did she it, but Kagome found the will power to look away from his adorable gold eyes once more.
"…You called me fat."
"What? Is that mondo bizarro to you?"
Kagome gasped. "I am not fat!" She looked sadly into his eyes after a second or two. "…Do you really think I'm fat?"
"The truth?" InuYasha asked, her sadness at his unfair teasing breaking his own heart. He never liked to see her down, not even a bit by anything. He wanted his worry-free Kagome to stay that way, happy and forevermore. Hmm… His Kagome…
Kagome rolled her eyes. "Well, as they say, 'the truth will set you free,'" Kagome's hand latched onto InuYasha's doggie ear. "And in this case, it will."
"You aren't fat, Kagome. You, I and everyone know that you're not, I was just teasing." InuYasha sat up and gathered Kagome in a tender kind of bone-gripping embrace.
"Okay, okay! I believe you!" Kagome laughed, as InuYasha started to tickle her back to the floor until she was squirming and shouting beneath him. InuYasha soon obliged to her command and looked down into her eyes with his silver hair drawing to cover them both as if they were drapes.
"Best friends again?" InuYasha asked innocently, baring a fang for a plus in sexiness. (H/N: *whistles*)
"Forever, InuYasha. And you know it!" Kagome leaned forward and pulled InuYasha down to her in a warm cuddle. Soon enough, her small and fragile hands found their way back to InuYasha's fuzzy ears.
"Hm… Sounds good to me." In next to no time, InuYasha found himself, and within the nadir of his heart, truly in love with Kagome Higurashi.
And no one, not anyone, could take that away from him.
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Ending Notes: Okay everyone here's the new deal. I know the chapters have been coming in quite slow, but I've figured out a solution. I've decided to stop the personal reviewing of every one's review. But here's the conception. If anyone would like me to give him or her a group e-mail stating when the story is being updated, then I will add you in a list. So if anyone would like to be sent an e-mail, than you can notify me. Just leave your name (not your real name, just your pen name) and e-mail address to be notified. The only time I will respond is if you have important questions about the story. Sorry 'bout that everyone! I hope everyone still reviews though.
I'll be posting this up now before my computer blows up on me like that teacher in Final Destination. I would hate to have glass in my throat before I post this. o_O I'll be goin' now…
Happy Freakin' New Year,
Hirari the 9th Goddess of Maple Syrup
