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Disclaimer: Is that a heckler? No. It's an asshole.
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Stick-its: I think I was high making this chapter…HIGH ON LIFE. Man, that cereal kicks some chief Scooby gummies. Don't be eye-poppin' yourselves if this chapter ends up queer. Just because I'm eating Life and listening to Milkshake while trying madly to terminate pop-ups of CSS pr0n before the wench sees means absolutely nothing. Zilch. Nada.
Thoia thoia thoia thoing tho-thoing…
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WARNINGS: This whole story is one big warning. If you don't get it by now, than get the hell out of my house. @_# The only warning in this chapter is ph33r of the bone-crushing hugs and beguiling thoughts if I really am an American.
KEEP IN MIND: I'm still not on medication! Ha!
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Dirty Sneakers
Chapter 13 » Something Wild This Way Comes
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The next couple of days for everyone who were present at the asylum dubbed a 'Redefining delinquent center for all ages and species!' were wild. The Higurashi Shrine was swarmed with so many phone calls that sometimes when Kagome would pick up the phone to answer; three people were on the same line. The Press, the parents, school mates, and sometimes some perverted callers would ring in and try to sneak in some information or demand what happened to their babies.
Evidentially, everyone who had parents who cared went home.
…Which meant that Crayon had to go. Naraku and Kanna followed later for security purposes and a quick stop at a drugstore for a couple of tubes of Anti-Burn cream.
So here they all were. Scattered about the Shrine grounds, or out to Game Stop or the Five and Dime to pick up some entertainment and grub. What was left of the Shichinin-tai were out, and Shippou as well as Sesshoumaru was lazing on the couch watching Comedy Central. It left Souta and Kohaku checking out the storage area of the shrine to hunt down some 'mythical creatures', 'deadly potions', or maybe even a battery or two for their Gameboys.
For the time being, Kagome was frantically running around and shoving everyone down who was in her way to pick up the phones. In less then three minutes did she ram shoulder-to-shoulder into InuYasha and Miroku. They were now yelling at the tops of their lungs about having the girl get to a community center for some group therapy or a snickers bar… Sango was trying to ward off Hojo with some of Kagome's gramp's ofudas that were left on the coffee table next to the 'How To Mend Your Hotrod, Hot Stuff!' magazines and pamphlets of retirement homes that were hidden inside.
Hojo was back with the waffle lecture and it was just cramping her style. Not only that, but Kagome's mom's choice in magazines were downright weird.
After many attempts to kill Hojo in a fair game of Dungeons and Dragons, Sango was ordered to put the historical sword back on the wall where it came from by Kagome as she ran to pick up the phone and hang it back up without a word spoken to the yelling caller.
All things considered, it was a pretty normal day in the Sunset Shrine.
"Shippou, turn the damn TV down! I can't hear, I'm on the phone!"
Shippou didn't seem to know he was being called for. Involuntarily, he grabbed the remote from Sesshoumaru and turned up the volume. At that same point, clanks and clangs of pots and pans followed by the bellowing voices of InuYasha and Miroku were heard a tone under the TV volume. Kagome groaned and plugged her index finger into her ear to block out the noise. Not much success, I'll tell ya that much.
"NO! NO!…NO! I'M TRYING TO KEEP THE LINE FREE SO I'LL HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK!"
To add onto her temper, Souta and Kohaku came in from the front door. Kohaku was chasing a screaming Souta around wearing a ridiculous mask that resembled one of a porcelain doll with a crack on its upper forehead. Souta tripped and crashed into the couch right on top of Shippou making him miss parts of his favorite episode of South Park. Kagome made a loud grunt that made the caller frown. She plugged her finger a little deeper into her ear and tried to clear the noises from her head and focus on the voice over the phone.
"NO, SORRY MA'AM, I WASN'T GROWLING AT YOU! WH-WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!…NO, I CAN'T TURN IT OFF, IT'S MY HOUSE!… NO MA'AM, I CAN'T TURN OFF MY HOUSE! I CAN'T—HOLD ON A MINUTE!"
Kagome pulled her finger from her ear and placed her palm over the bottom part. She made attempts to shut everyone off by kicking some items at whoever was the loudest but it was no use. Taking in a deep breath and clearing her throat Kagome lost her nerve.
"IF NO ONE SHUTS THEIR CRACKER BARRELS IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS THEN I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS TABLE LEG—" Kagome kicked over a table top that held a vase of red and yellow Poppies. Her kick smashed all pent-up anger into breaking off one of the table's legs and punting it forward into view of everyone's widened eyes. "AND SHOVE IT STRAIGHT UP THEIR ASS!"
Kagome turned around from the dead silence and tumbleweed, taking her palm off the phone.
"Okay, hello? No, ma'am, I don't give a flying fig about obese lepers in the mid-west… Donations? Fine, fine, let me get a pen." Kagome made a gesture that looked like she was holding an invisible pen and started scribbling on air and nodding as the lady on the other line gave out an address.
"…81st Cramit Upzeharse Vineyard, 4311. Got'cha. Glad to help." With a loud grunt, the girl hung up the phone. Not paying attention to the stares she was getting, Kagome found her way to the kitchen. Man, had she wish she just didn't.
"What the FUCK did you DO to my KITCHEN!?" She asked with complete horror in her eyes. Miroku and InuYasha looked around the kitchen, and there they saw it.
A bronze pot was crooked vertically. Miroku quickly ran in front of the pot whistling and InuYasha was stuttering an explanation that didn't help Kagome's temper much. The entire racket made only Sango, Souta and Kohaku run into the kitchen looking for some WWF, oh, excuse me, WW (H/N: It felt queer just writing WW.) action. Everyone else in the house was too busy sucking up South Park.
"Um, Well, you see… Kagome, now don't get mad, but me and Miroku were only—"
"Miroku and I."
"Pin it, Captain Kangaroo."
"Right-o, Yash."
"So like I was fucking saying…"
"º""º""º""º""º" 12 minutes and a lot of empty Tylenol bottles later "º""º""º""º""º"
Sango and Miroku were parked on the peaches n' cream carpet of the living room. They were playing Patty Cake like a couple of Androids that had just escaped the Dragon Ball project. It was DULL and LACKLUSTER.
Kagome was skulking at the wall like it was her arch nemesis asking for 50 cents to buy a twinkie from a vending machine. InuYasha was doing the same thing, except he was facing Kagome's side with nail-scratches up and down his shirt and face. He looked like a soul survivor of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre.
Across the room Sesshoumaru shouted, "COMMERCIAL BREAK!" when he and Shippou were bombarding the fridge like Osama out for some Lysol to sip on in no time. We focus on how vicious they are, fighting over the macaroni salad, and try hard not to verbally abuse the author out of her rights to make cracks on people who can snap her neck like a slim jim if they weren't as thin as Jessica Simpson's intelligence. Shippou tripped Souta as he ran by for some kicks (H/N: Ironic). Sesshoumaru glided over the small boy to the LAY-Z-BOY recliner to eat his guacamole Doritos and a can of Hop-On-Pop cola, for lack of a better name to title a caramel-flavored pimple-popping beverage that can single handedly start riots in Russia.
"I said I was—" InuYasha was interrupted by Kagome's small hand in his face.
"Talk to the hand, 'cause the breasts can't hear you." Aaaaand InuYasha reversed his gaze, because yes indeedy, he was looking where no other man would dare to look unless you were Miroku or Hideki from Chobits. Plus, InuYasha looked really cute sitting there; blushing so hard he could out-redden a red neck on a dire day for just being caught staring at every woman's prized possession.
"But I don't think you heard me clearly then because you're still BITCHING about it." InuYasha rowed, twitching angrily and swatting Kagome's hand out of his face. He gripped her shoulders and made her face him; man to semi-compulsive tomboy.
"I. AM. SORRY. FOR. NOT. BEING. PERFECT. Is that good enough for you or do I need to torture Buyo some more?" InuYasha asked, shaking her slightly.
"Geez, you say it like you were being sarcastic." Kagome rolled her eyes and went back to her staring-contest with the wall. "And don't you touch Buyo." She added as an after thought.
"Humph. Kikyo would forgive me if I said I was sorry."
Everything just… stopped.
Kagome smacked InuYasha a good one across his face for intolerance and pent up anger for ANYONE saying that name in her home wearing a straight face.
"Hey, that's low, chap! Just because you've fallen under the Wicked Witch of the Wild, Wild Whores' spell of 'seduction' doesn't mean you can compare me to her! If you're gonna take things like that, then get outta my house."
"I-I didn't mean it like that! Scouts honor!" InuYasha hollered, making a sloppy sign over his heart that looked nothing like a scout's 'Stick-me-in-the-pip-with-a-scythe-if-I-stuttered' salute.
Miroku chuckled and crawled over to sit next to InuYasha. "Sure, my friend. You're a boy scout and my father was the Pope. (H/N: Monk, Pope. So far off.) The only useful thing you did when you were a boy was being one with the couch."
Sango, feeling a little dejected on the other side of the room, came over and sat next to the teed off Kagome.
"Don't pay attention to InuYasha, 'go-chan." Sang assured her bestest friend ever, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "All you have to do is take a deep breath and thank anyone listening that InuYasha wasn't the first person he seduced or kissed."
Kagome's eyes snapped wide-open. She turned to InuYasha, not noticing Sango chuckling madly or Miroku trying to bury his face into the carpet to hold in his laughter.
"You did what." She forced out like she had a gun waiting upstairs.
"I don't know what they're TALKING about!" InuYasha yelled. Somewhere in the living room four voices of rude 'Shut the gory fuck up!'s and 'Damn it! What did he just say?'s and things need not be mentioned to the human ears.
"YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME! I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO IT—AH, DON'T HURT ME!!" Kagome throttled InuYasha and took him to the carpet. They both started shouting. InuYasha was trying his hardest to pry her piranha-like teeth from his neck and keep her from punching him repeatedly in the stomach.
Sango and Miroku ceased their laughs into giggles, and after a couple of harsh minutes, were able to pry Kagome a good 6 feet away from InuYasha who looked like he just got 40 years cut off his lifeline. But you couldn't really tell except for the fact that his hair was already snow white.
"I can't believe you two don't remember!" Sango exclaimed. "After all this time, we'd of thought you'd kept pictures of yourselves when that moment came and went!"
"Now, wait just a damn minute!" InuYasha shot back quickly. "I don't remember anything like that so just—wait, did you just say 'yourselves'?" He stopped arguing immediately as an ear twitched in confusion, making Kagome squeal in deluxe delight.
"That explains it. You really have no memory of it at all do you?" Miroku sighed, but on the inside, he was having his own little party where no one but Belladonna from Cutting Edge Dolls and Sango were invited.
"Just shut up and refresh our memories!" Kagome shouted, getting impatient with their cool patient manners. InuYasha was nodding vigorously in agreement.
"Fine, just don't get your nipple in a knot." Miroku reacted. "It was about 5 years ago when…"
"º""º""º""º""º" 5 years ago from when "º""º""º""º""º"
"INUYASHA! I won, you lost, so pucker up and face me like the man you're not!" A youthful 13-year-old Kagome sat in a darkened room with a single light hanging over the card table she and InuYasha were playing at.
Kagome loved to gamble.
She witnessed her dude friend across from her blush, and pick up his chair. He was rudely taking up the 'you're no man, you're a louse!' challenge she knew InuYasha just couldn't refuse. She smiled widely when her friend dropped and tripped over his chair and starting hissing like he had a tail that was stepped on.
"NO! I WON'T DO IT! SCREW YOU!"
Kagome looked genuinely hurt. InuYasha was nursing his bruised leg and cussing a string line of obsanities that would put Eminem out of business to notice.
"WELL FINE THEN! You good for nothing sexist... I'M TELLING ON YOU!" Kagome screamed, and started to run in spite of her fury. A hand grabbing her ankle making her fall stopped her.
"Don't tell nobody, Kag! I'll do it!" InuYasha hissed beseechingly.
"YAY!" And not yet recognizing she was completing his task for him, Kagome cradled his face in her fragile yet tomboyish hands and pressed her lips to his. InuYasha's eyes were extremely broad with shock as he felt little butterfly like movements in the depth of his gut. They weren't the annoying butterflies he used to capture… they were the kind that he never wanted to leave. Her lips were so perfect. Before he could respond to the pleasure, Kagome pulled back abruptly, taking in a deep breath like she just came back from scuba diving.
Kagome smiled cheerfully like nothing big happened. "See, that wasn't so bad was it?"
InuYasha, whose eyes never decreased in volume, and cheeks never letting up on their redness, could only just shake his head.
For the remainder of that day, Kagome was worried with InuYasha's tranquil behavior like he had been Stunned. Seemingly for both of their consciences from then on they were totally digging each other.
"º""º""º""º""º" AWWWWWW! "º""º""º""º""º"
Miroku finished off the tale with a cordial sigh. Sango was staring at him like strong forces of Lilliputians were keeping her down like Gulliver from strangling him senseless.
Sango finally took the time to calm down from the inner Armageddon she was forced to experience and sighed.
"'They were totally digging each other'…?"
"Yep."
Miroku looked around the living room; oblivious to Sango wondering to herself what generation he was stuck in.
"Hey, where did InuYasha and Kagome go?"
"Not even half way through your story," Sango smirked. "Kagome was tripping over her own tongue and ran upstairs. InuYasha ran over and joined the couch ninjas in watching Monk."
Miroku perked up, "Oooo! My favorite show! Which one is it?? The playboy mansion case?!"
Sango rolled her eyes and stood up. "Yeah, whatever." She headed towards the stairs and into Kagome's room.
"º""º""º""º""º" At 10:29 P.M. "º""º""º""º""º"
Many hours of persuading Kagome to come downstairs to watch the marathon of Monk, Sango finally got her down because she didn't want to be the only girl downstairs. Everyone ordered pizza and soda from a local place when Shippou went down to Walgreen's and stole some candy disregarded. So now everyone was having a good time after InuYasha and Kagome fought for over half the episode when Adrian cracks the S.A.T case with the 'suicidal' teacher. Gasp, hell suprees.
The Shichinin-tai were not back. It got Kagome worried.
"You guys," Kagome said, glancing at the clock where it now read a quarter to 11 at night. "I'm going out."
Sango looked up to her friend from the couch nervously. "I don't think you should, Kagome… You never know who's out there at this time of night…"
Kagome snorted. "Oh, please. This is Japan. The biggest thing that happened here was probably the stunt we pulled off right before we got smacked into the confines of a nightmare. I have enough experience to deal with night crawlers. Don't wait up for me." Kagome caught InuYasha's doubled anxious gaze and waved him off.
"Don't worry. I'll be back sooner then you know it." She reassured them confidently.
Sango watched as her friend left through the front door, grabbing her white serpent hoodie and closing the door behind her. Sango shivered. Something just wasn't right. She turned her head in time to see InuYasha's expression almost 2 times more worried than hers was.
Flying off the subject for ph33r of being mental, Sango duty-bounded herself to watch the TV, subconsciously playing with her big hoop earring that Kagome bought her a while ago.
Everything will be fine, not everything is a horror movie.
Kagome's words, though, zoomed through her mind like a never-ending echo.
'Don't worry. I'll be back sooner than you know it.'
She didn't.
"º""º""º""º""º" The next morning…"º""º""º""º""º"
Everyone was bustling about like madmen. Sesshoumaru and InuYasha were investigating the shrine grounds for any sign of Kagome. She never came home, nor did the Shichinin-tai for that matter. Sango was rocking back and forth in a corner warding and screaming at anyone who got near her. She blamed herself for letting Kagome go without someone, but Miroku and Kohaku stilled comforted her from a far.
Souta was in his room. No one knew what he was doing. They suspected he was crying and just let him be.
Shippou was on the street near the Sunset Shrine, probing and asking neighbors for any appearance of Kagome. None of them even knew she was home, for they thought she'd be in school like the 'darling sweetie' she was. Ironically, all of them on her block were over 80 and had either cater aches or Alzheimer's disease and thought she still went to pre school. It wasn't the best source to look for her by, but it was better than no leads at all.
Shippou ran to the steps just as Sesshoumaru and InuYasha were coming down them.
"Did'ja find her?!" The redhead boy asked with sparks of optimism in his voice.
Sesshoumaru glanced up and down the street. "There's something odd coming down the street—"
InuYasha cut into his sentence like a knife, panting. "—we heard it as we came down from the roof. It's coming this way." InuYasha ran in the middle of the street, which made Sesshoumaru run in and pull him out like a child.
"I knew you were crazy, but this is ridiculous." Sesshoumaru grumbled. InuYasha was about to snap something about Kagome's safety when yells coming from the opposite side of the road called out their names.
"Naraku! What are you doing here?!" InuYasha shouted, equally angry for being interrupted as Sesshoumaru was. His guilt magnified from his last words to Kagome were just words of anger, and feared they would have been his last to her since she did not return to him like she should have.
Naraku waved once, almost reminding them of a rising sun from Pocahontas. He was yelling something that they couldn't really pick up over the up-coming mania not to far from turning the corner of the Shrine's street. Something was coming, and it was coming fast.
Sesshoumaru raised a penciled brow and cupped his pointed ear.
"WHAT?! We! Can't! Hear! You!"
Naraku slumped over for a second. A gigantic bellow magnified from across the street.
"SHE'S COMING!"
Shippou appeared tart. He stepped down between the silver-haired brothers, appearing as if a Hobbit compared to a wizard.
Before anyone knew what it was, a giant swooping blur of sky blue, wheat, brown and orange raged down the street. Making everyone even more confused and mystified by the REALLY giant vehicle, it swerved back down the boulevard coming right back at the Shrine.
"TAKE COVER!" They heard Naraku shout and followed behind a safer magnitude on the steps.
The automobile tipped dangerously on three wheels. As it swung around like a boomerang earlier, and finally tipping back on it's full six wheels. It stopped abruptly perfectly next to the Shrine steps and everyone slowly came down to see it in full view.
It was definitely a bus. Not just a bus. A fsking double-decker bus. Painted on the side was a monstrous bird that might even out-size an elephant. The bird had the wings of a hawk along with widened eyes and tangy orange claws of any other bird seen. But like any bird they have not seen, was a large mouth with sharp teeth of a whale shark relative. On the bird was also a lady's torso; the lady's skin was a pale sky blue with claws and no shirt. She had flowing black hair and the deepest of ebony colors ever seen on a creature. The background was a darkened sky with thunderous strikes of purple lightening and droplets of rain with dozens and dozens of the same birds, both male and female, even some with two torsos, crowded the sky of darkened night. Very talented artists created it all with spray paint and fingers.
Mesmerized, with InuYasha's vulnerable jaw open and all, they slowly made their way to the parked bus. A sudden jerk came from the bus and the three doors from the front, middle and back flapped open. A second later a shout came from the bus.
"InuYasha!"
InuYasha is no time had a bundle of worn-out white warmth rocket into his arms. He pulled back the dirty hood of white and was shocked to see Kagome's sparkling sapphire eyes swathed with strands of her ruffled midnight-black hair.
"KAGOME!!" Hugging the girl was an understatement. InuYasha was practically crushing Kagome to his chest and running his fingers through her hair and mumbling comfortable words in her ear. As much as Kagome secretively loved the all the attention, she couldn't breathe. InuYasha pulled away as fast as he pulled her into a hug and fiercely cut off any of her pleas for air.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS!? What the hell were you thinking—going off at night like that! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HURT—" Kagome tried to tell him what had happened because she would burst if she didn't, but he just kept ranting on more to himself of the horrors in his own mind than to anyone else. Shippou took the chance to run up to his friend and give her a hug just as Naraku ran over from across the street.
Sesshoumaru was peering at the sliding entry of the bus as he saw a gang of teen hop right on out of all three doors. It was the Shichinin-tai. Each and every one of them were covered in dirt and sweat.
"Hey!" Suikotsu shouted, stuffing his digital camera into his pocket.
Shippou was sent inside to bring out everyone from inside the house. In no time, they all ran down the steps and gave each and everyone hugs. Sango was so excited to hear that Kagome was just outside that she pushed everyone out of the way and swooped her best friend into a gut-squishing hug just as InuYasha had done. Except this one had no mercy. Soon, she was being lectured again and the Shichinin-tai were having no better luck with everyone else. The questions just flowed like rain.
"Just what the blazing hell is that thing?!"
"You guys didn't steal it did you?! YOU DID DIDN'T YOU?!"
"Who are they?" Miroku's curious question settled the noise on the block as everyone but the passengers of the bus turned their attentions to the two skinny boys in extremely baggy clothes now hoping out of the bus with the weirdest haircuts to show themselves since streakers came out in the 70's.
"'Ello, blokes." The boy with the Mohawk spoke in a fair British accent that remotely came close to Bill Idol's, his many diamond earrings glinting in the sun as he spoke. The other lad gave a slight nod in hello causing his black beret to tilt over his left eye annoyingly.
"Ginta and Hakkaku at your service."
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Notes: Maybe I do need a life. The next chapter sorts out any confusion that I have brought upon you (and not to mention myself—No, I'm joking, I know what'll happen). Has anyone heard on the news about a lady at the Main Library who backed her car off the building and died? The reason this chapter was late was because I have been feeling miserable since that lady was my friend Stephanie's aunt. Stephanie was the one who has been letting me borrow her Harry Potter books to read (I just finished the fourth book and now I have the urge to kick something). I feel really remorseful this week. And the chapter just fucking lagged. I hope it's all right. In fact, the 14th chapter is now in progress as I finish up these ending notes.
I've been disappointed lately to see Sango x InuYasha stories. That's so gross... it's unheard of… Some of you just don't know where to get your entertainment… It's just as bad as Suikotsu x Kikyo pairings—JUST WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
Well—I have to walk to Walgreen's and buy some soda since I'm out. Chase is on the phone with me again and ranting about that damn Mech 4 game of his… Gr-runge.
Did you know that these look like little snitches? -- "º" Oh, that's so cute!
Please review, you guys. You're the most fucking best people ever. Vroom vroom!
Happy Martin Lutheran King Jr. Day,
Hirari the 9th Goddess of Maple Syrup
