Disclaimer: Still own nothing.

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Ryan POV

"Will you marry me?"

Even though I knew they were coming, hearing those words hurt a thousand times worse than I'd expected. I could honestly say that for the first time in my adult life, I was in a situation I had absolutely no control over. My God, I tried to forget her. Even though I avoid her as much as I possibly could -staying away from the apartment, not hanging out with Seth like I used to, dating other girls, she still occupied my every thought.

The worst part of it was that I had begun to resent Seth for it. It was not his fault that I loved his girlfriend, if anything, I was the one with the problem but it still annoyed me that he was the one that got to love her everyday. In all fairness, the fact that he got to love her didn't hurt as much, hell, I loved her too, it was that that she loved him in return. That was the kicker. But still, I held a glimmer of hope that she still had something for me - her body wouldn't have responded to mine like it did if she felt nothing.

But this whole marriage thing was the last straw. I'd had sleepless nights since Seth showed me the ring - it was like all my dreams had been shattered in one instant. I even tried to get out of attending the darn New Year's Eve party but Seth wasn't having any of it; he wanted me to share his big moment so I had no choice but to be there.

She stood looking down at him, with her right hand covering her mouth. When she took it off, I noticed that her lower lip was quivering.

"Ehm..." she managed to utter.

It upset me to see how scared she was - she literally looked like a deer caught in headlights. I didn't know much but I knew that Anna wasn't the type of person to welcome such elaborate declarations of love. And what saddened me even more was that Seth didn't realize that. I wanted to jump on the stage and calm her down but I knew I couldn't because it was something she had to take care of on her own.

Seth was still on bended knee waiting for her response. The smile was frozen on his face. His body language body language no longer screamed delighted anticipation, instead it was one of uncertainty.

You could have heard a pin drop as the entire room waited in bated breath.

"Er... Seth, this is so sweet...," she whispered through a cracking voice. Even with the microphone touching her lips, I still had to strain to hear her words.

"...Seth, I love you..."

All my hope dissipated. I gulped the rest of my vodka but was still left with an indescribably bitter taste in mouth. I asked the bartender for some Malibu, hoping that would do the trick. I looked around for the nearest exist; I was getting ready to leave. The entire episode was getting a little too much for me. I wanted the best for Seth and Anna, but at that moment, I'd had more than my fill of them.

"... but... I can't marry you. I'm so sorry." With that, she ran off the stage.

My heart started beating so fast I was sure it was going to jump out of my chest.

I looked at the stage and saw Seth get up and look at the ring in its box. He seemed more confused than heartbroken. He looked in my direction but I quickly looked away - I didn't want him to see the relief I was sure was written all over my face.

I tried to find Anna, but the huge crowd was in the way. About a minute later I saw her run to the exit. I picked up my jacket and looked at Carly.

She rolled her eyes. "Just go," she instructed.

I gave her a quick peck on the cheek and ran towards the exit.

I saw her car speed off the minute a gust of cold air rushed to my face. The temperature had fallen considerably.

I knew it wasn't my place, after all, we'd barely been friends in the past months but I ran to my car with the sole purpose of chasing after her anyway. As I pulled out of the driveway, I noticed Seth standing at the entrance of the building, staring at me. I should have stopped and let him in, especially knowing that he was stranded as they'd come in Anna's car but at that moment I didn't care about him. All I cared about was making sure that she was alright.

I drove in the direction her car had gone and even with the bright street lights, I couldn't find it. About five minutes later, I was ready to give up when I noticed her car take a left turn with the light change. I chased after her and did the same. After a few more turns, I realized where she was headed and reduced my speed. For some reason, when you're taking a joyride at 100mph in a 55 zone, the police don't show up, but when you're in a hurry to make a deadline and are driving 38mph in a 35 zone, the police come in droves and accuse you of leading them on a high speed chase.

When we got to the church, I parked my car and took out the blanket I kept in the trunk of my car. I noticed she didn't stop to take her coat with her and knew that she'd be freezing. I took a deep breath and headed for the gravesite. Although I'd only been there once, I'd replayed that memory so many times that I could even find it blindfolded.

It was only as I got closer to the site that I questioned my actions. Why was I doing this? What was I going to say? Would she even want me there? I couldn't fathom the answers but I knew that I couldn't rest if I didn't know that she was fine.

She was crouched on the grave, shivering and getting rid of the weeds embedded in the flowerbed. Her lips were moving but I couldn't make out her words because I was too far away. She must have heard my footsteps because she stopped talking and looked at me. Then she frowned. I wasn't expecting her to run into my arms or anything but a frown? The entire thing seemed to be more trouble than it was worth.

"Anna," I said from about two feet away.

She didn't acknowledge me. Instead she kept working with the flowers.

"Anna," I pleaded. I just wanted her to respond.

"What do you want?" she asked rudely. Even though she spoke in a strong voice, I could still hear traces of tears in her voice.

"I just wanted to make sure you were o.k."

She groaned. "Why?" And in an even smaller voice she said, "Why you? Why can't you be Seth?"

That was the last straw. I wasn't one to stay around when I was obviously not wanted. Fuck instinct. Fuck gut feelings. I'd almost never chased after women and I was paying for it for thinking she could ever think of me as someone special. For the first time, I deeply understood what people meant when they said 'Love's a bitch.' I'd been pretty mad for a while that she didn't want to recognize what we could have but to actually hear her utter the words 'why can't you be Seth,' was enough to make me think about ingesting a mind-altering drug - I just wanted the feeling to disappear. I could change a lot of things but I certainly couldn't become someone else. At that moment, I truly regretted throwing caution to the wind and following her there.

I threw the blanket at her. "Use it if you wish. Or fucking freeze to death. I guess I shouldn't care because I'm not Seth."

I turned around and headed for my car. 'Why can't you be Seth?' was playing in a loop in my head. I must have been lost in my thoughts because just as I got out of the grave yard, Anna stepped in front of me and put her hand on my chest.

She looked so young, completely swallowed by the blanket with cheeks reddened by the cold. I also noticed that some of her eye make-up was gone - she must have wiped them off with her tears.

"Ryan, please stop."

I looked away from her. I really wasn't in the mood to hear her give some half-assed explanation for her rudeness. Frankly speaking, I didn't give a fuck about her rudeness, all I cared was that she wanted Seth.

"Listen, I'll go and pick Seth up so he can come here. I am sorry I came," I spat out. I was frustrated with the hopeless situation.

She shook her head and looked directly into my eyes, "I'm not sorry."

"What?"

"I'm not sorry you came."

"Oh, but you wish I was Seth," I said sarcastically.

"No."

I was starting to get really confused. "What?"

She pointed at the church steps. "Can we sit? My feet are killing me," she said smiling. She was trying to make light of something we both knew wasn't.

She pulled the blanket tighter around her and looked at the sky. "New York weather sucks. And to think it was quite warm this morning," she said, sitting about a foot from me.

"I'm sure you didn't ask me to sit so that we can talk about the weather."

"No. I just wanted to say that I'm glad you came," she said, staring at the lower step.

"You said earlier... if that's all..." I started to leave. I needed to get a cigarette from my glove compartment.

She latched on to my right hand to stop me from leaving.

"Please, hear me out."

I looked back at her and recognized the desperate need to be understood that often resided in me.

I sat back down. Her hand lingered on mine before she seemed to regain control of her faculties and take it back.

"What I meant..."

"Why didn't you say 'yes?'" I interrupted.

"You're not going to let me finish what I was saying?" she asked calmly.

"Just answer me! If you wanted Seth to chase after you, why didn't you just accept his proposal? Then all this wouldn't be happening."

"Maybe if you let me explain what I meant you'd understand."

I got up to leave but after getting down to the lower step changed my mind and turned to her. "Anna, I am sick of this! I am sick of you trying to analyze things. Just answer me. If you love Seth so much, why didn't you just say yes? Imagine the pain he must be in," I shouted.

She struggled to fight back the tears that had begun to well up in her eyes. "You think I don't know that? What do you take me for?"

I knew I should have stopped because my words were obviously hurting her but I needed to get it out of my system. " I don't know, Anna. You claim you love him, but keep sending me all these signals and then you reject him. Fucking make up your mind. I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing but let me just tell you, you're hurting everyone!!"

She stood up but because she was on a higher step, we were at eye-level.

"That's what fucking makes this whole shit so hard. I don't want to hurt anyone! Can't you see that?"

I scrunched my face. "What?"

"Can't you see? I've been there before. Someone broke my heart, so I have been doing everything in my power to make sure I didn't do it to anyone else!" she screamed.

"Oh, Anna, don't give me that. That was a while back."

She folded her arms and faced the other direction. "That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt," she sulked.

"So, what are you saying? That because you don't want to hurt Seth, you rejected him? How in the world does that make sense?"

"No, you fucking bastard! It's because of you I turned Seth down. You, you idiot. You!"

I was stunned into silence.

I had to sit to keep from falling. "What?" I'd dreamt of hearing those words for so long that when I finally did, it seemed unreal. Sitting in front of a church added unneeded surrealism.

She followed my lead and sat down with her arms folded on her knees.

"I'm not stupid you know. I knew what was happening between us," she confessed.

For the first time in a long time, the quickened heart beats began for a different reason.

"Continue," I urged.

"That's it."

"Come on, Anna, you are going to have to give me more than that."

She averted her eyes and sucked her teeth. "Why should I? I thought you'd call me after I broke up with Seth."

"Some break-up. It didn't even last a week!"

"But you acted like you didn't care."

"I showed I cared plenty of times. It was your turn."

"Why?"

"Because, I would have liked to see a sign from you that I wasn't imagining things... that it wasn't one sided."

"Well, you didn't come. And a few days later I got those flowers from Seth... I felt like such a fool."

I winced at the memory. "Do you know how many times I kicked myself for that? About two weeks earlier, I'd suggested he send you those flowers. I remembered that you mentioned feeling scared about your thesis and I knew that you wouldn't want anything from me, so I asked him to do it."

Her head spun around so quickly I was scared it was going to fall off.

"Really?"

I nodded.

"Wow... It wasn't easy, you know? I couldn't just leave him and jump to you. It wasn't... it isn't right."

"Why?"

"He is Seth Cohen."

"So...?"

"Don't you get it, Ryan, he's your roommate."

"And...?"
"His parents took you in..."

"And...?"

"He's your closest friend."

"Yes."

"And you were still willing to give that up for me?"

"Us," I corrected. "And who said I had to give that up?"

She shook her head. "Ryan, you don't care about the people you hurt, do you?"

I exhaled. "Oh, I see, believing stupid things like that makes it easier, right?"

"Easier?"

"Easier to deny what you feel for me."

"Ryan, don't you think I wish I didn't have these feelings? Do you know how long and how hard I've prayed they'd go away? I guess God just couldn't be bothered."

My heart had never been on such a roller coaster ride. I was going through the gamut of emotions in a matter of seconds. She had managed to take me from relieved, to disgusted, to happy, to angry in record time.

"What's so wrong with me?" I really wanted to know. I didn't think I was going to change but I just wanted to see myself through her eyes.

The tears were trying to make another appearance but she wouldn't let them.

She reached across and grabbed my hand. "There's nothing wrong with you," she said earnestly.

"But..."

"But with Seth, I was sure that he wasn't going to hurt me. I know that no matter what he does, he would never intentionally try to hurt me. You understand?"

I shook my head. "No. Because that implies that you think I'll hurt you."

"No...," she argued. "I find.... it's just that, with you, I am vulnerable... I'm not sure what's going to happen... I am putting myself in danger. "

"And you're not with Seth?"

She shook her head slightly. "No. It's different with him. I don't think he can ever leave me with a broken heart.... but you...."

She didn't have to speak any further for me to understand. We were indeed one and the same - two fragile hearts fighting to stay in one piece. Even though I'd become a lot stronger since I moved in with the Cohens, it was hard to undo 16 formative years of one's life. But some bastard ex-boyfriend did it to her in a few years. At that moment, I wished I knew who he was so I could find him and do his jaw in.

I calmed myself so I could do the same for her. I smiled as I reached across and caressed her cheek. "But that's half the fun, isn't it? You need to risk it all to win it all."

She smiled, "I was quite content with having a nice life. Why did you have to come along?" she joked.

"And I won't break your heart," I added. She groaned then put her head into her palms. I thought she was going to break down but instead she said, "What am I going to do about Seth?"

I moved to the higher step and sat so that our thighs were touching. "Anna," I said, pulling her face in my direction. "Right now, all I care about is, you and me."

"But Seth..."

"Fuck Seth! That's what got us in this mess. Anna, you're going to have to think about us, and deal with what's going on between us, here and now."

She sat up. "O.K.," she said, resigning herself to the inevitable.

I put her hand in my left hand and covered it with my right.

"So, this thing between us..."

"Yes?"

"It's not going away."

She nodded, "You can say that again."

"So we have to see where it goes."

"And what about Amelia?" she asked with a twinge of what I suspected to be jealousy.

"She's past tense."

"What about Carly?"

"She knows."

"What?" she asked in shock.

"She guessed."

"When?"

"Last week, when I wouldn't shut up about the ring."

"And she still came?" she asked incredulously.

I shrugged, "she didn't have other plans... besides, the tickets were free for us."

"What about Marissa?"

I almost choked on my saliva. "What?"

"You said she's your soul mate," she reminded me.

I grinned like a fool. "So you do get jealous..."

"What about Marissa?" she repeated searching my eyes.

"You were at her wedding," I pointed out. "As you know, she's just a friend."

She seemed satisfied with my answer.

"So..." she said, still staring into my eyes.

"So..." I repeated, staring right back into hers.

She leaned into me and moved her lips against mine. I'd been kissed so many times but this one felt different. It wasn't one of passion or longing, no, it was one of acknowledgement - the sweetest kind of all.

"I'm sorry, you know," she stated when she broke away from me.

"I know."

She playfully hit me. "How do you know what I'm taking about?" she asked frowning.

I held her gaze and repeated the words. She soon realized that she didn't have to say that she was sorry that her actions had caused us so much pain, talk less of the time together we had lost. And that I forgave her because I understood the reasons she did it. Who could say? I might not have appreciated it if it had been any easier.

It was my turn to kiss her. It felt so good expressing myself to her in that manner that I knew that there were a lot more kisses in our future.

We were interrupted by a vibration in her bag. We both looked at it at the same time.

"How long has that been happening?"

"All night," she said sadly. She reached into her bag and took out the phone. "I guess it's time for me to face the music."

"I should come along," I informed her. I didn't like the thought of her going through the ugly confrontation with Seth alone. Besides, I was partly to blame - I just wanted to be at her side to make things as easy as possible.

She refused. "I need to do this alone."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." She got up to leave. I grabbed her hand to convince her to stay a little longer but sometimes I don't know my own strength so instead of just standing still, she fell on top of me. It felt amazing having her lay there comfortably without her struggling or trying to deny her feelings. And to think that previously, I'd thought I'd known love.

When she got back on her feet I was still holding on to her hand. "What?" she asked. "I thought we agreed that it was time for me to talk to Seth."

"Yes. But promise me something..."

"What?"

"If you have any doubts..."

"I don't."

"I mean in the future..."

"I won't," she said firmly.

"How do you know?"

"Because, I feel it here," she said, placing her right hand on her chest.

The butterflies in my stomach were awoken. "You promise?"

"I promise," she said sincerely.

She reached down and gave me a quick kiss.

"You too, if you ever..."

"I won' t... and I promise."

I'd never been more sure of anything in my entire life.

.

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THE END.

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A/N: Thank you so much for all your reviews, especially the regulars. I tried my best to not make the end too mushy. I hope you like it. And yeah, I love the R/A chemistry.