Chapter Twenty

Rafe felt horrible about keeping the truth from Alison, but what else could he do? He spent so much time trying to allay her fears and now - what would he tell her? How exactly could he bring it up so that she didn't worry? He thought about how it would go. "Hey Angel - I know that you're trying so hard to live your life peacefully and move on but guess what? My completely psychotic excuse for an ex-wife is back in town. It looks like she's here alone so it's no big deal. I'm sure she'll just go about her own business and leave us alone."

Yeah. That would work.

Ever since they got home, Alison had been busy with the baby, chatting and singing to her softly. His heart melted and he sighed as he gazed over at them. They meant everything in the world to him. Without them - nothing else mattered. Though Rafe had just gotten finished scolding Abby for the exact same thing - he simply couldn't bring himself to tell Alison the news. Not tonight. He was absolutely sure he could get to Livvie first. Once he figured out what she was up to he'd fill Alison in.

Though he'd pretty much decided to keep it all to himself, Rafe made countless attempts during dinner to tell her. He kept starting but Kate had a knack for demanding attention the minute he tried. He knew it wasn't fair to keep Alison in the dark - he knew she hated when he did that - but short of simply blurting out "Livvie's back!" he didn't know how he could tell her. He wanted to take his time - he didn't want to scare her.

When he finally let her know what was going on - Rafe wanted to make sure she was calm. He wanted to make sure that she would be the least upset by the news. It was so hard to imagine that her reaction would be rational when he saw her holding Kate in her arms. He couldn't risk it. When he finally told Alison he wanted to be certain what Livvie was up to so that he could make sure his girls were as safe as they could possibly be.

He walked over to where Alison sat playing with Kate and eased down beside her. Still trying to figure it all out, he placed a kiss on her hair and pulled her close.

"Are you OK?" She asked as she looked at him strangely.

"I'm fine. Why?" He replied as he swept a few strands of her hair off her face.

"You're just acting funny." She smiled up at him. "I think I know why." She leaned in to kiss him quickly. "I know how worried you are about us. But - you don't have to be. I decided today that I'm not going to let it bother me. Abby will warn us and then we'll deal with it." She smiled wider. "We're lucky she found us. Everything's going to be just fine, Rafe. Isn't that what you always tell me?"

From where she was lying in Alison's lap, Kate squealed and kicked looking for some attention.

As they both gazed down at their daughter, she reached up and wrapped her fist around Rafe's finger.

His heart was overflowing as he promised her silently. "I won't let her hurt you, Katie. I promise you - I won't let her hurt us."

He knew he needed to figure this out - and fast. Their future happiness depended on it.

**********

"I love you Cameron." Abby said softly as she pulled away.

"I love you too." He whispered back as he moved to kiss her again. "and believe me - I'm going to hold you to that promise."

"OK." She agreed.

"But…" Cam warned her, as his voice got dangerously quiet. "We still have some things to talk about. You are not off the hook yet, Abigail. I need to make something crystal clear." His eyes let her know without a doubt he was absolutely serious.

"OK." She said again, getting nervous. She started to twirl her rings around her finger scared of what he was about to say.


Cam stared deeply into her eyes. He kissed her again gently and then he began. "I know - without a doubt - that I will love you forever, Abby. And I know how much you love me. But I'm telling you right now - I don't ever want to feel that way again. When I saw you in the park with Livvie - when I realized what you were trying to do - I was so angry I could barely see straight. As much as I like arguing with you - I hate being mad at you." He gave her an odd half smile.

Abby understood him perfectly. She felt the same way.

Cam wanted her to know he understood why she did this - because he knew he was partially to blame. "I know that I left you alone. I know that you had no one to depend on for a long time. I saw what that did to you and I'm so sorry."

"It's OK - Cam…" Abby started.

"Please." He cut her off. "You need to let me finish."

Abby nodded and kept quiet.

Cam took a deep breath and began again. "You were so strong - Abby. It amazed me. It's just - I need you to understand that - honestly? I don't think I'm as tough as you are. I don't know if I could actually go on without you. I don't know if I'd even know how to try. I know I had no control over leaving you back then - but I promise - if you let me - I will do my best to make up for the fact that I left you all alone."

Abby ran her hand over his cheek and looked in his eyes. She was startled to find tears filled his too. "Abby. Please. The next time you think that taking it all on alone would spare me - the next time you think you can handle it all yourself - please remember what it would do to me if something happened to you."

He took her hands gently in his to calm her nerves. "If we're going to live our lives together - then that means we'll be together Abby. I need you to understand that. If you're scared about something, if someone or something is threatening you then - you have to tell me. If I give you my opinion and you don't like it - then argue with me. I don't expect we'll agree - God knows we seldom do."

Cameron paused then - not sure he could actually say what he needed to. The way he'd felt these last few days convinced him that he meant it and he needed to convince her too.

"Abby. I love you. That's not even a question. I know we joke a lot - but I have never been more serious." His voice shook a bit as he spoke these last words. "If you keep taking risks like this without coming to me first and letting us figure out a solution together - if you even try to take this all on - I'm telling you that won't be able to stick around and watch you do it."

She couldn't believe her ears. "Cameron." Abby asked, completely shocked and more than a little panicked. "Are you really saying you'd leave me?"

Cam slowly nodded and took a deep breath as he finally finished. "It would surely destroy me to have to do it and I really don't know if I could actually succeed - but yes - Abby, I'd have to try." He stared into her beautiful eyes again and held her gaze. "That's how important this is to me. I love you way too much to watch you kill yourself to try and save me. Leaving you - as hard as that would be - would be easier than watching you commit suicide."

Abby was stunned. She never realized what keeping things to herself really did to him and even more than that - how it made him feel. She knew how she felt as she saw the vision of Cam dying in her mind and knew now in a sense that she was doing the same thing to him. He didn't have to worry. She more than got the message. She knew now the price she'd have to pay. Leaving him in the dark meant he would leave her. She couldn't bear to go through that type of pain again.

Tears flowed down her cheeks and he wiped them gently away, careful of the bruise around her eye. She had covered it up with makeup - but he still knew it was there.

"Save me from looking like a total wimp, Abs." Cameron pleaded as he helped her to stand and took her in his arms. "Please. Don't give me a reason to have to try."

Of course he'd make a joke out it in the end. Abby smiled as she pulled his face to hers and kissed him, promising him that his reputation was safe. She would not risk everything they had. She would never try to act alone again.

As his lips caught hers over and over Cam knew he was lying to her. As his hands moved over her skin he realized he would never be strong enough to really stay away. She was a part of him, always had been and always would be.

They slowly made their way to the bed and sank down together, their mouths still joined.

The way he was kissing her made her remember the way she had felt on that night so many years ago. How her heart had raced and her mind spun. Though he'd kissed her hundreds of thousands of times since then it amazed her that it was still the same. She knew that she'd do what he asked of her. She knew that though she tried to once before she'd never truly be able to live without him. More than that, she didn't want to be the reason that she'd have to try.

Cam's mouth left hers and glided down her neck. She looked beautiful to him in anything she wore - but she looked especially gorgeous tonight. As he placed a few kisses there he whispered softly. "I really love this dress - it's my favorite."

"I know." Abby laughed, a bit startled as he quickly flipped over so that she was now sprawled on top of him. She felt him reach around the back and ease the zipper down. "That's why I wore it."

"Well - now I'd love you not to wear it." He said with a laugh as he gently eased the straps off her shoulders, his lips still nipping at her skin as he did. "If that's OK with you."

Abby looked down at him and smiled widely as she replied, "That's just fine with me."