*

Chapter 15

*

"Sakuno.  Will you go out with me?" Ryoma-kun had asked.

'I only stared at him.  What was wrong with him?'

"Sakuno.  I've realised that I really do like you.  I've thought about you constantly in the past few weeks.  I want to be with you.' He had said.

"Nande…why now?  Why all of a sudden Ryoma-kun.  You haven't talked to me at all this year, and paid even less attention to me since our last year in junior high.  Nande?  Don't play around with me Ryoma-kun.' I had said and shook my head not believing what I was hearing.

Then he pulled me close and held me.

I had been too shocked to say or do anything.

"Why can't you accept me Sakuno.  This is what you've wanted isn't it?" he had asked.

"I did, but I don't anymore." I had pushed myself away and stood a distance from him.  "That day you hurt me, I gave up on it all Ryoma-kun.  I threw all my childish feelings away.  Don't toy with me, because you're bored." I had said softly.

"It's because of him isn't it?" his voice became gruff.

'I shot my head up and looked at him.'

"Who?"

He gave a scornful little laugh.  "Tezuka buchou of course.  Or just Tezuka to you.  You feel for him don't you?  He won't feel the same way Sakuno.  He's two years older than you, and you don't know him that well."

'I stared at him sadly.' 

"I know I don't have a chance Ryoma-kun.  But he treats me as friend, and that's all I had ever wanted from you, but you couldn't even do that.  You disliked me, and now you tell me that you like me? And you want to be with me? Had you really disliked me, or were you embarrassed to be seen with a clumsy girl like me?  Am I…just someone to triumph over.  Am I someone to be thrown away and taken back when you wish?  I thought you were nice and understanding under all that cold person you seem to be, but I never thought you were like this." I had said to him through pain and anger.

"Sakuno.  Believe me, I never realised until I saw you grow closer with Tezuka buchou." He had taken my hand and held it.

"I'm very flattered Ryoma-kun, but….I can't.  I don't want this anymore.  Two years ago I would have cried of happiness if this day had come.  I think I would have cried anyway even if you had showed me a little compassion of just being a friend, but now…I don't know how to take it.  Gomen ne Ryoma-kun." Then I had walked away from him.

'Tezuka had waited for me that afternoon, but he had cold look in his eyes, but I was too overwhelmed to notice anything, and kept my head down and walked silently.  But it's been two days now, and he hasn't been the same person.  Was it because of what I said to him that morning?  I took a chance in being honest, and I guess I blew everything, even just friendship with him.  He had gone back to his quiet self, spoke only when necessary and walked a few paces ahead of me.  It hurts so much.'

Sakuno turned over on her bed and felt tears coming out of her eyes as she lay there on a Wednesday afternoon thinking about it.

***

"Neh Tezuka.  Daijoubu desu ka?"

"I'm fine."

"Souka."

'It was another day with him, and still I had gotten nowhere with him.'

"It's going to rain soon." She said lamely 'And hard too' she thought.  He remained silent.  When they reached her house, he didn't say anything and just turned to walk home.

"Tezuka!" she called unable to continue pondering about his change of mood.

He stopped. 

'Gomen ne…Tezuka.  I'm sorry if I offended you, or made you uncomfortable about what I said the other morning.  I was just…being honest with what I felt.  I kind of had a feeling you might feel uncomfortable around me after what I said, but I-I didn't know it would be this-"

"It's not that." He finally spoke up.

"I guess you didn't know." he shoved his hands in his pocket and stared off in the distance with his back turned to her.  'But I guess I should just come out and tell you, or else you would blame yourself."

"I saw you with Echizen that afternoon." He shifted his feet.  "Up until I saw you with him, I had thought, and re-thought about telling you everything."

She stared at his back, her heart racing.  'What was he saying?'

"I guess you didn't see it, or I just didn't show it at all, but I had liked you for a while.  And since that…incident, and all the time we spent together during this month, that feeling turned into love." Tezuka stood there and said everything, not knowing able to stop himself since he has already started.

"I treasured our moments together, and missed the times we weren't.  I thought about you whenever I could, even when I walked beside you.  I thought about telling you this, even if you might turn away from me.  I've never felt this way with anyone before and I didn't want to leave school and not having you know.  You might think of me as an onii-san, but what you said to me that morning, gave me confidence that I should tell you and be honest, and perhaps we could take a step further." He stopped and took a deep breath.

"Tezuka...I-I—"

He turned and faced her.

"But then I saw you with Echizen.  And everything I wanted to say, didn't seem right anymore.  I saw him hold you and that was it.  I know that you've like him for a long time and it's time that you receive happiness in being with him."

Tears that had been burning under her eyelids now spilt free.  He flinched at seeing her cry because of him.

"Chigau…chigau yo Tezuka." She whispered hoarsely.  Rain began falling mixing in with her tears.

"It's alright Sakuno.  Just as long as you know, you don't have to return those feelings.  Be happy with him.  I don't know if you could have been happy with me anyway…Good bye." He turned and ran home, not hearing her cry out his name.

She slumped to the ground and cried.  The heavy rain silenced her tears of pain.

Tbc

OOC..but give me a break please.  I've always wanted Tezuka to speak his mind at least once.