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Chapter 17

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Tezuka

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"Sakuno.  Gomen.  Sakuno." He thought over and over as he ran to her house.  He rang her doorbell panting heavily.  When no one answered, he knocked hard on the door.

"Sakuno!" for the first time in his life he raised his voice and called out.

'When I feel lonely or sad I don't like to be home.' She had once said during the walk home together.

He took his glasses off, wiped his sweat and ran to the only place he knew of to find her.

When he arrived at the area, he stood in the one spot breathing hard searching for her.  Sure enough she was sitting on the little merry-go-round she always talked about.  But it no longer had any horses decorated it, what was left, was only the metal plank for her to sit on.

He flipped open his cell phone and dialled her number.  He saw that she picked up without looking at caller ID.

"Hai…"

"Sakuno, where are you."

"Te..zuka.  I'm at home." She lied.  Her back was towards him so she didn't see him advancing towards her as he spoke.

"What are you doing." He asked

"I'm…I'm going to go to sleep.  I'm tired Tezuka. Ja." And she hung up, then she dropped her phone beside her.

He closed his phone gently.  He placed his hand on the rail and spun it gently so that she faced him.

"You really….don't want to talk to me?" he asked. She looked up at him with red eyes.

He sat down beside her.  "Sakuno, I'm sorry." He said earnestly.

She shook her head.  "It's alright.  I knew it couldn't have happened anyway." She refused to look at him.  It hurt to hear her something like that.

He opened his mouth to say something.

"I know that you've already dropped the subject, but there's nothing between Ryoma-kun and me, Tezuka."

"I know.  I know now.  Gomen. I didn't—"

"You couldn't have known Tezuka.  You're not the type to ask someone a personal question anyway…so it's not your fault." She said and stood up.  She shivered slightly, although she was wearing jeans and jumper.  She walked over to the swing set and sat down.  She didn't swing, she just sat there.

Tezuka followed her and sat down on the other swing beside her, although he was too big to do anything but sit there.

"When you told me…that your feelings turned into…into love, I was so happy to hear those words, but I knew that you wanted to say more than that.  You were ready to give me up to Ryoma-kun…even though you felt that way."

"I thought that you had wanted it that way.  You've liked him for so long I-"

"I did like him once, but he was always so cold to me, I gave up a long time ago, Tezuka.  I don't want to think about the way he treated me." She stayed quiet for a long time.

"It my fault…I made a mistake – I didn't know if"

"Couldn't you see how I felt for you Tezuka?!" she asked with a burst of energy.  "Couldn't you see how much my love grew for you each day?" she said through her tears.

He looked at her feeling guiltier by the minute.  He's making her cry.  He wanted to make her happy, and yet he only made her sad.  He reached for her hand.  She allowed him to take it and he slowly but impulsively entwined his fingers with hers.

"But it's ok I guess.  What you said yesterday prevented us from being together.  I actually…honestly I was actually really sad…..to the point I don't remember or feel anything but a hollow feeling in my stomach, but it gave me time to think.  It just wouldn't be right for us to be together."  All the while she had been talking, they were holding hands and both were staring at the ground listening to her words, but now he lifted his head and looked at her.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"It  just wouldn't be right.  I can't say that it wouldn't feel right….because I wish like hell that it would feel just as good……even better than those times you held me Tezuka.  Did you know everytime you held me I was always hoping that one day-"

"That one day I could hold you in my arms as my girlfriend… be my most cherished person and know it too." He finished, succumbing to his hearts' desire as well as her honesty.

She nodded, a tear slipping off her chin.

"But then I thought, it wouldn't be right for someone as important, as talented, as good looking as you to be dating a girl like me."

He stared at her.

"So arigato Tezuka, for making the right choice.  I really didn't want to ruin your life like that.  It's the last thing I would want to do." She shook free from his hand.

"I meant every word I said that day Tezuka.  I really enjoyed being with you, because you make me really happy. So thank you." And she stood up to leave, but Tezuka got up and grabbed her arm and held her at arms length and stared at her.  He looked at her searching for something, anything! A sign to show that he still had a chance, even though he had been a fool. This time she looked into his eyes with such beautiful sadness, he felt his heart crumble.  He encircled his arms around her lovingly and protectively.

"I love you Sakuno." He whispered into her ear.  "Don't walk away from me.  I want you to be by my side.  Give me a chance Sakuno..." he stopped and listened to her breathing and their heartbeats thumping.

At his words, her heart stopped for a few moments.

"Onegai..Tezuka.  What will—"

"I don't care what others will think.  I just want you." He held her just as tightly as she was holding him now.  "You don't have to….if you really don't feel the same way. I don't want to forc-"

"I do feel the same Tezuka.  I do." She said into chest, she didn't want to fight her feelings anymore.  Being in his arms, every reason not to be with him didn't exist anymore.

He eased her out of his arms gently and brushed her hair away from her face, and wiped her tears away.  Although his eyes were piercing as always he showed so much love for her through his eyes that she felt overwhelmed.  She finally smiled at him through her tears.

"I'm sorry I made you cry." He said unexpectedly.  More tears fell at his words, and he did something she never dreamed that he would do.  He cupped her face with one hand and leaned in and kissed a tear away.  She held his hand to her face and closed her eyes, then he pulled her into his arms once more.

"Arigato Sakuno."