What It Would Be Like -- Chapter 5
Series: Weiß Kreuz
Author: Shukujo Kurai
Rating: R
Pairings: A+Y/Y+A
Warnings: OOC, Shounen-ai, TWT, supernatural, child-abuse
Disclaimer: *holds up cardboard sign* I do not own Weiß Kreuz...obviously
Dedication: To MD-neechan, who has supported me throughout this and has taken an affectionate interest in this story, and to Duo-kun, who has always supported my efforts in writing, no matter how bad they were. ^.^
Author's note: Think Steven King's 'The Dead Zone'...and think Aya as Johnny. _;
Okay...I've been stuck on this chapter for EVER...I thought I'd never get around to even STARTING it...but, as always, MD-neechan and Duo-kun encouraged me. Arigatou, oneechan, Duo-kun.
Oh, this is ALL in Aya's POV...for once. So when there is a separation, it just denotes a scene change. kk?

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The first thing that I'm aware of is muffled voices. They're soft and somewhat familiar, so I'm not as worried as I probably should be. If only I could get my eyes to open...

"Um...Aya-kun?"

It's only Omi. I groan in reply.

"Thank goodness you're okay!" He babbles, stumbling on whatever he was going to say next.

I manage to pry my eyes open and look around. Omi's to my right, blushing and stammering. Ken's sort of at my feet, avoiding my gaze. No Youji. "Where's Youji?" I ask, forcing myself to sit upright and immediately regretting the decision.

This reinforces their behaviors. Omi blushes harder and eventually just stops trying to talk while Ken seems to be trying to curl up while standing.

"Where is he?" I know I'm glaring at them, but I can't help it.

"Um...well, you see-"

"He told us to get you out of there...when we got back, they were gone." Ken answers me finally, still avoiding looking at me.

I stare at them. "And you actually listened to him?" I ask incredulously. They couldn't have just left him there...with those two men...not when they treated Youji like they did...

"He didn't really give us an option, Aya...or whatever your name is."

I focus my glare on Ken alone.

Omi tenses. "I really don't think...that now is the time to be confronting Aya-kun with this. Lets try to find Youji-kun first..."

"Where are we now?" I ask, looking around in a vain attempt to determine my location.

"A Kritiker safehouse." A distinctly unwelcome voice answers from behind me. Manx.

I turn around to stare at her. "Where?"

"About half an hour from the Koneko." She replies, cool and calm as ever.

"I need to go back there." I state as I force myself to stand up. "Immediately."

"Of course." Manx states blandly. I don't think she's taking me seriously.

I glare at her, though it will probably do me no good.

"Siberian, Bombay, please excuse Abyssinian and I for a moment." She commands, her gaze never leaving mine.

Ken and Omi reluctantly do as she says, lingering as though they're afraid that I'm going to kill her.

Once she decides that they're out of earshot, she finally speaks. "They were gone when reinforcements arrived." She surprises me slightly by sighing softly. "I'm afraid that you know more about what's going on than we do...you always have." She turns to look at me, her expression unreadable.

Kritiker knows about this 'talent' that I've acquired. Ever since they found out, they've been trying to get me to work on the intelligence side of their operation. I've refused each time. I narrow my eyes in hope that she'll say something meaningful.

"Persia and I want Balinese back as soon as possible, you know that. But Kritiker's analysts have determined that he is now a threat to Weiß security."

I hold my breath subconsciously. Please don't say it...don't ask it of me...

"Your task is to eliminate Balinese should this be true."

I can almost feel my world crumbling around me. "...no..." I whisper softly, aware of the curious look Manx is giving me. "You...You cannot ask this of me. Balinese and I are both Weiß."

"Would you rather I ask it of Siberian or Bombay?"

I freeze. I can't do that to them. They wouldn't be able to follow through anyway. "...No." I finally murmur, defeated. "I shall do as you ask." But that doesn't mean that I have to do it right away. "May I ask one other thing?"

She nods, her red hair bobbing up and down as she does so.

"What if I fail?"

"Then you shall both be eliminated."

--------------

I open the back door to the Koneko, which is surprisingly still connected to the doorframe. I go upstairs, ignoring the footfalls behind me. Why Manx insisted on accompanying me is far beyond the realms of my imagination.

I immediately head toward the steps where I remember being last. I spot pieces of paper, some wafting around on the breeze from the gaping hole in my wall upstairs and others trapped underneath debris from the explosion. They're probably from the file that Youji had grabbed when we were knocked into his room. Without hesitation, I grab one of the ones floating by.

I see a tall figure slouched in front of a typewriter, its slender hands poised to type. I can only assume that this is Youji just after he was recovered from his father's custody. The dirty long brown hair, lifeless green eyes, malnourished body covered in scars and bandaged wounds. Yes. This is Youji. He types slowly, this probably being the first time he's ever even seen a typewriter. This is getting me nowhere fast. I finally drop the paper and grab another one.

This time I see his memories as he types. I see a house, well, actually a glorified hole in the wall, but a shelter nonetheless. There are trash cans and dumpsters all around, all full of empty beer cans and empty liquor bottles. There's no numbers on the 'house', but there are several graffiti tags. I instinctively memorize the designs and move onto another piece of paper.

I can only hear things this time, a booming voice yelling at someone, probably Youji. The voice is too drunk to make out, something about 'this time' and what I assume to be sex. Another dead end.

This time I forgo the papers and head upstairs. I'm anxious, nervous that they could still be there with a net like Youji said. My hand automatically moves to my side and I'm not happy to find that I am without my katana. With a growl, I step over piles of debris and manage to make it into my room. Or what used to be my room. I look down at the hole in my floor and glare balefully at it. So much for my room being neat and tidy. I grumble to myself and kick some debris out of the way as I search for my katana. If it's damaged, I swear I'll kill them both. It's not under what used to be my futon, it's not under my now-demolished bookshelf, it's not underneath all my scattered clothes, and it's not in plain sight. If it fell down that damned hole...

I move over to said condemned hole, kneel down, grip the edges to look down, and instead get sucked into more visions.

At last, the visions prove useful. I see my katana sliding across the floor as the bomb explodes, it hits the doorframe and slides into the hallway. The vision suddenly stops. I must need to get that far then touch something that my katana touched to finish the vision. Manx steps into the doorway and asks if I've found anything yet.

"A giant hole in my floor." I grumble as I push past her.

"And your wall from the looks of it." She adds flippantly. "What are you after?"

"My katana." I answer, not wanting to provoke her. If I do, it might mean Youji's life. Annoyed, I touch the floor in a rather desperate attempt to find said katana. Surprisingly, I actually get the rest of the first vision. It slid out into the hallway and then into the only open door other than mine. Youji's.

I get up and head into my fallen companion's room in search of my elusive katana. Ha. Found it. I stride over toward Youji's dresser and pick up my sought-after weapon. Again, I am caught off-guard by the assault on my brain. Infernal visions.

I see the present-day Youji walking between the two men while towering over them. Someone must have seen them. That'd stick out in my mind, but then again, not all people in Tokyo are trained assassins. They walk a few blocks before getting into a car with no identifying marks or license plates. Shit. I keep clutching my katana in hopes that I'll see something definite. For the first time in what seems like ages, luck seems to be on my side. I see a woman watching the trio from her window. The same woman from the flower shop a few days ago.

I keep my cool and continue searching. Nothing in Youji's room. Nothing in the hallway. Nothing in my room. I start to head down to the alleyway where the brick...the brick. What did Youji do with that damn brick? I dash back into his room and look around, finally finding the lump of dried mud underneath Youji's dresser. I get no feelings or visions from it, but the note's still attached. I untie it and read it to myself, going back over it several times to see if I missed anything.

\\Youji,
Miss us? We're out of that damn hellhole you put us in six years ago.
We're back and we want you back.
Get ready, Youji.\\

"Manx?" I ask, loudly enough so that she can hear me.

"Yes?" She replies politely, sticking her head in the doorway, looking oddly sympathetic.

"Would you try to gather up those papers that are floating around on the steps?"

She raises an eyebrow, but surprisingly does as I had requested.

I look back down at the note and decide to pocket it before taking a look around Youji's room. Perhaps something in here...

I wander around aimlessly, feeling for all the world like I'm going to start crying. I haven't felt so damn helpless since THAT happened. Shit. I force my emotions back as I pull out several drawers of his dresser and toss everything out onto the floor. Surprisingly, no visions or emotions come other than my own.

Not now....Not now...The one time I NEED it, not now...

I start to choke on the air I'm trying to breathe and I feel like I'm going to throw up. Not now...

I move over toward Youji's closet, having grown disgusted with the decided lack of anything useful in his dresser drawers. I fling open the doors to the walk-in closet and look around, finally spotting what appears to be a fire-proof safe. So I'm not the only one that keeps one of these here... I touch it and am honestly relieved to get a vision from it.

It's Youji's hand opening the safe and, yes, I can read the numbers that he stops on.
I grab the combination lock and spin it around to the desired numbers. 15...36...06. The safe makes a noise and the door swings open, revealing its contents to me.

One at a time, I remind myself. No sense in trying to process five things at once. I grab a picture.

Nothing.

I frown and grab another of what appears to be Youji's late fiancee.

Nothing.

Shit. I grab a box and open it. A gold chain with a ladies diamond ring on it.

Nothing.

I'm starting to panic by now. I grab another picture of the dead fiancee.

Nothing.

I'm panicking fully now. My heart won't stop beating fast...my mind's racing. In desperation, I grab the last picture.

//"Youji?" That sweet voice...

"Yeah, mama?" Youji's voice as a child answers.

A woman with curly orange-ish hair comes into view, her right eye has been blackened and her lip split until her blood covers the front of her torn light green blouse. "Youji...my sweet little boy..." She whispers softly, fighting to stay conscious.

"Mama?" Youji's voice asks, worry clearly evident. "Mama?" He repeats as he hesitantly runs into her outstretched arms.
"Mama hurt..."

She smiles down at her son. "Yes..." She caresses one of Youji's extremely thin cheeks.

"Papa angry again?" Bright green eyes look up into pain-hazed green ones.

"Yes..." She replies softly, closing her eyes.

The boy takes a little time to contemplate this. "Mad at Mama?"

She nods.

The little version of Youji looks down at his mother's lap, which is also blood-stained. "Papa drinking?" He asks softly with a wisdom that no small child should ever possess.

The woman pauses, holding back tears. "...Yes."

Tiny arms wrap around her slender waist and an equally tiny face is buried into her upper chest.

She does cry this time. "Youji, promise me something."

He looks up, watery green eyes promising his mother the universe. "An'thing for Mama..."

She fights back more tears upon hearing this. "Promise me...that when you have a family...that you won't treat them...like this. That you won't hurt them...in any way...promise me...please..."

"I promise, Mama, I promise!" He swears firmly before burying his face in his mother's bruised shoulder.

She smiles gently, her eyes glazing over as she continues her battle for consciousness. "You're...such a good boy...Youji." She praises him as she tenderly strokes his dirty, blood-soaked hair.//

"...ssinian?!" The owner of the voice stops near me, but doesn't touch me. She knows better.

I ignore any further intrusions and resume clutching the picture to my chest, my head on my knees, my knees on the floor.
I'm crying...I'm crying...

Apparently my pleas from earlier have been answered, only now I wish that I weren't seeing this.

//"Mama?" Youji's tiny voice asks softly as he and his mother scatter flower petals.

"Yes?" She asks, pausing to watch the petals come to rest against the cool water of the lake.

Youji pauses this time. "What'll happen...if som'thin' happens to you?"

She looks away from him, her face a mixure of fear, worry, and self-loathing. "Then your father will use you instead." She replies at last.

"Use me for what?" He asks, somehow still innocent to this world that he was brought into.

Her green eyes squeeze shut. "For money."

He stares at her, not fully understanding. "Like Mama?" He asks, apparently gaining some form of insight.

"Yes, like Mama."//

I curl up more, trying my best not to be sick. The last image wasn't that bad, don't get me wrong. It's the first one that'll keep haunting me.

Feelings well up inside me, ones that I've carefully hidden for so very long.

Youji...

I want Youji back...

I want to see him smile at me and make idiotic jokes, not caring when I glare at him or leave the room. I want to see him flirt with the girls in the shop again, making their day a little brighter just by existing. I even want to see him kill with his wire, his eyes cold and calculating beneath his sunglasses. I want him to try to get me to talk with him, to tell me about myself and about what's bothering me.

I want him at my side again...

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TBC?

Let me know how it was by either reviewing or emailing me. ~.^

~ Kurai