Wednesday September 10, 2003

Scribbler's ramblings: In case you were wondering, the date above signifies the time I started writing a part of this chapter, while the date at the very end represents the date I finished writing this chapter.

Once again, I am bringing you another maddeningly horrible chapter of the fanfic I can't get out of my head, Blue Moon. For you nutters out there who like it, congratulations, you are now part of the mysteries of the world. Who could possibly like this erratically updating fanfic of a writer constantly changing her style? WHO ELSE BUT FREAKS!

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* We're sorry but the so-called author has been taken away for anger management classes. A very bad hair day, an irksome English teacher, and a crush who has disappeared off the face of the earth have contributed to the breakdown of her pea-sized brain.

And we're not freaks, because you're special and I'm special because we're all special in our own special ways. Special.

Ever wonder why these were called ramblings?

(In my brief window of sanity) Flame throwers are absolutely acceptable, as I have my own form of protection against them *whips out water gun of self-confidence* Bring it on =P

Disclaimers: Mangaka Natsuki Takaya has created this absolutely wonderful manga/anime, which will be available in Canada FEBRUARY 2004!!! I, who can not comprehend the word "deadline", do not own Fruits Basket.

(Dead … line? The beloved line is … dead?! Oh help us all! The world will come to an end without the ability to draw l's and I's, or t's for that matter! AHHHHHHHHHH!

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeep*)

Please assume that the husband of Kana is named Tezuya, and Momiji's mother is named Mutte.

-=+=-

Momiji couldn't stand growing up. He didn't want to be mature. He never wished to be adult. He liked being a kid, and would continue trick-or-treating as long as he wanted.

But highways often accompany the road of life, and now he was being forced to speed along, becoming more and more grown-up with every passing second. The thought scared him.

For the past few years he had held onto his childish wish. His eternal hope that maybe someday, somehow, his mother would remember and accept him. And his curse would be forgotten.

But wishes are for children, infantile members of society.

(Dear Lord, he was even thinking more maturely.)

Wishes left no room for theories and thoughts, mind-boggling riddles, and assignments that came with the job of growing up. Wishes took up valuable space. They could control your mind so much that maybe one day, God forbid, you would follow your dreams!

No, wishes and dreams and hopes were all for children. Not someone like Momiji. Certainly not.

But, he couldn't help but reminisce. He had hoped so feverently that maybe his mother would come to terms with his strange… disease. And in a way she had… with the wrong person.

His little brother Mowari, had all the love, respect, and family that Momiji had prayed for the last 16 years of his life. Little Mowari had the comfort of living with those familiar to him, had the privilege of a mother, just - because - he was born - the - rat.

The rat. The first of the Jyuunishi, and to quote his mother "The one who shall be born the greatest".

The same mother who wouldn't look twice at the ever cuddly, always cute, bunny Momiji.

Wishes are for kids. Just like that American cereal with the silly rabbit as it's…

Silly rabbit. Great, powerful, loved mouse.

The irony didn't escape Momiji.

He stared at his cereal, but wouldn't eat a bite. His spoon lay cold inside his bowl, and flakes of crunchy goodness floated, soggy in the milk. He couldn't stop thinking. About his newfound maturity, about his lost childish wish, but mostly about his mother and her new acceptance. His mother, and her newfound optimism.

His mother and her newborn child.

He pushed his cereal away and lay upon the hard, wooden floor.

Maturity sounds great, eh?

-=+=-

With a sweep of his white coat, Hatori disappeared into his home's guestroom. The two new Sohma births had kept him busy for the past 2 weeks. Thankfully, Mutte was handling the fact that her child was cursed increasingly better everyday. Apparently, she loved the rat. She would rock it hours at a time, singing softly, and whispering unheard words to the baby. If you forgot about the pale, white but hauntingly beautiful banshee she was at Momiji's birth and upbringing, you would actually think she was a very tolerant mother.

Hatori focused his thoughts. Mutte was the best-case scenario that he could have dreamed up. Kana, on the other hand, was less so.

He unlocked the door of his room, and turned to face the crib of Kana's child.

New strangely red hair framed its infantile face. Right now, he was slumbering peacefully. The poor child looked so innocent. What a burden had been placed on its shoulders the moment of its birth.

Kana was at the opposite end of the room, sitting on Hatori's previously neatly made bed. At the present time, the blankets were thrown over Kana's lap, and pillows clasped to her chest.

Hatori strolled over to Kana and leaned over, listening to her whispers.

She giggled, "And there was the seahorse remember Tezuya? The seahorse who would be a dragon … with the smoke … and I threw him in hot water … cursesseahorsedragonhato … him in hot water …"

Kana giggled again. Her eyes held reality in them, there was no look of hollow insanity. Her mind seemed to be in place, but her mouth didn't follow. She looked worried, as if she had lost her car keys and needed to be somewhere soon. Wringing her hands together and biting her lip, she looked anxious for something. And throughout the entire examination, she kept whispering and murmuring.

Her condition was no better than yesterday. Or the day before. Or even the week before. The birth of the cursed child had triggered something in her mind. Something that she was supposed to forget. Hatori's special… treatment… of her past problem had previously put it at rest. But now, the ghosts of those memories had come back to haunt her. The endless murmuring and mumbling was testimony to the endless flashes of thoughts that ran through her head.

Hatori didn't want to leave the room. Not with Kana like that. He didn't want to abandon her, but right now, there was nothing he could do. Erasing her memory of the child would be … inhumane. He shuddered at the thought of the blank look Mutte gave to Momiji every time she looked at him. He couldn't do that to a child again. Momiji had turned out fine, but this cat child may not be so vibrant. Besides, erasing her memory of the child would undoubtedly kill her mind. Two serious memory alterations would hurt anyone.

He quietly unlocked the door and stepped out. Kana seemed perfectly happy staying in her room, rocking back and forth; face always occupied with that incomprehensible look of worry.

In the overpowering silence of the hallway, his footsteps faded quickly.

-=+=-

Hatori settled down for a dinner of reheated okonomiyaki, and the creases wouldn't leave his forehead. He pitied the boy born with the curse of hatred. The boy was made to be the outcast of the Jyuunishi. By the age of 4, Kana's child would need the enchanted bracelet to keep the hate of the cat inside.

So Kyou's curse had been passed on. It was inevitable. The curse had to go somewhere. How could I have not thought of this before? he scolded himself, At least warn Mutte-san and Kana-san about the dangers of their birth. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

He felt ashamed and partially to blame. If he had at least warned them, then maybe, maybe they wouldn't be in this mess.

Light, uneven footsteps tripped along the maple floor. Shaky hands traced invisible paths along the walls.

Hatori looked up from his plate, and put his chopsticks down. By the doorway stood Kana. Kana in her rumpled nightgown and soft slippers. Kana with the inexplicable anxious look on her face. Kana and the burden of confusion on her shoulders.

"Kana-san, what are you doing out of your room?" Hatori gently asked, swiftly moving towards her.

She looked at him with those large, pained eyes. Her eyebrows seemed permanently stitched together. Her mouth moved constantly, spilling words that no one would understand. But, her soft voice raised volume and she cried to Hatori, "Tezuya, Tezuya, I remember something!"

Hatori stopped. But, she had begun whispering again, "The child, the child, the cat child, the baby - poor, sweet kitten child - poor, sweet dragon."

She was remembering. That was a bad sign.

Staring up at Hatori again, she began, "I think I used to … used to love him … Hato … but, but he changed … Ha - Hatori changed into something … I loved him Tezuya … Tezuya … Hatori … and - the - the curse."

Kana sobbed into her trembling hands. Then, she fell silent and stopped crying. She slumped down on the floor, cross-legged, and stared vacantly at her palms.

Two minutes passed, and no movement came from her body. Her breathing was soft and shallow, her eyes frozen in a blank glare. Hatori found he couldn't move as well.

Since Kana left, he had continually denied his heartache. The pain in his chest he knew had no medical cause. He knew he should've let go by now. But even after she had gotten married; even after she had confessed she was pregnant; the emotions that he held for her stayed strong. And now, seeing her so weak like that, seeing her so depressed and confused and so utterly alone in her mind, Hatori wanted to be the one to comfort her. Wrap her in his arms and radiate her the warmth of his love, be her protection against absolutely anything that would harm her.

Suddenly, Kana jumped to life. Her eyes sparkled, and her mouth lifted into a smile, the dainty smile she had always possessed. She stood up proudly on her feet, and called out, "Hatori - Hatori my love, where are you? Hatori! Where are you?"

-=+=-

"Ha! Is that what happened, Hatori? Well obviously she was crazy!" a dark-haired man spat.

Hatori inwardly winced. For those few hopeful seconds, he had actually believed Kana had chosen to love him again. But, she had wandered all over the house, looking for him; when at times, he was right in front of her.

"Yes, definitely insane. You did test her didn't you? What was really happening in that mind of hers?" the other man asked.

Hatori had judged that she had simply sunken into the past. Instead of trying to combat the strange thoughts that controlled her mind, she had succumbed to the truth they told her.

"That would definitely explain it. But really Hatori, you believed that she loved you for a while? Ha! You should get your own mind checked! But still, you should tell Akito."

She had loved him for a short while. Even if this was simply an echo of the past, he knew that she had loved him. He knew that even though she might never love him back, he would always love her. Always.

"Turn 'always' to 'never' Hatori, you know that you shouldn't. It would never work out. Besides, both of you are inflicted with the crazies, you'd never make a good match."

He would always love her.

"Dammit Hatori, stop being so foolish. Let go, already!"

Always. Love. Her.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up! She hates you Hatori! She doesn't know you exist! She's a stupid, stinking…"

Hatori's fist collided with the man, and he smashed into a thousand pieces.

After all, he was Hatori's reflection.

-=+=-

It rained that night. Big, fat, tears of the sky. They plastered themselves over rooftops and pavement. Puddles of murky sadness filling wherever a shallow depression had been.

There was no thunder, nor shocks of static. Just the rain. And the clouds. The apathetic, overbearing webs of grey that took over the sky.

Momiji stared outside. His usually golden hair reflected the grey of the sky. A large raindrop slid down his face, but the window wasn't open.

Momiji had been born a freak. A true freak. He would never be accepted. He would always be rejected. An honest to God, definite freak.

A skeletal, colorless hand crept onto his shoulder. "Momiji, what are you doing on such a special night like this?" asked Akito.

"Existing."

-=+=-

Hatori knelt down, and faced Akito in his scantly furnished room.

Akito lay down lavishly, toying with a small lily between his fingers. "A problem with Kana? There was always a problem with Kana, her and her silly ideas that …"

He crushed the blossom of the flower, grinding its petals between his palm and fingers, "… but, of course, she still is family. That little boy … Momiji, is it? He seems to be having problems too."

Hatori's face was bent into a perfect frown. Momiji had also been afflicted with the depression of the two cursed children. His jealousy of his new brother Mowari had crushed his heart. "We'll have to do something about it, Hatori. What do you suggest? Erasing their memories perhaps? That always seems to…"

"No."

"Excuse me?" Akito said, brief displeasure flashing through his eyes.

"We can't erase their memories," Hatori began. "Their state of mind is simply too fragile. Kana-san has already had her memory altered before, and doing another procedure would possibly leave her in a coma. Besides, erasing the mother of the memory of her child is a horrible thing to do." He shivered, remembering Momiji's case.

"And Momiji? What is the problem with his … mind?" Akito questioned.

"Doing that would only bring more problems. He would question who his mother was, where he belonged, why he was there in the first place. His 'new' life would be even more complicated than this one."

"Then what shall we do about this? The Sohma family name can't be tarnished with these two very crazy people in our family."

"There is one way we may help them."

"Oh? And what's that?"

"Making Kajiko-san remember," Hatori said simply. "I believe that if we make her remember what happened that night of the carnival, the curses will return to Yuki and Kyou. The two newborns would never have been cursed, therefore Kana and Momiji will be … happy again."

"Fine, whatever Hatori," Akito replied nonchalantly. "As long as the job is done, it'll be fine."

Hatori stood abruptly, and strolled to the door.

"Oh, and Hatori," Akito called.

He turned.

"Get rid of all those 'emotions' of yours. Your so-called 'love' for Kana broke a very expensive mirror," the pale man answered.

"Of course," Hatori agreed, and he turned sharply, walking to the door.

When he left that room, he left with a lightened soul.

For he had lost his heart.

-=+=-

Hatori stood in the middle of the kitchen, lecturing both Kyou and Yuki about the situation, "There is one way, and we realize that it isn't infallible. But Akito and I have discussed it, and we've decided that this is simply the only way. We believe that if Kajiko-san remembers what happened that night, the effects of the flash will be removed. Arguing that her memory-loss was the primary reason for the erasing.

"Basically, if Kajiko-san can understand what happened at the House of Mirrors, everything will go back to the way it was."

The way it was. Kyou was afraid to ask about the past. For now, the present was fine, thank you very much. But, regardless of his hesitancy, he began his question, "How was … it?"

"It? I suppose you mean, how was life before this. For starters, the relationship between the cat and the rat was less than amicable – "

Yuki and Kyou glared at one another. Even without the curse, you could already say that their relationship was now less than amicable.

" - And, on a more emotional note, Tohru and Yuki were together instead and you and her."

This wasn't possible. This was the thing that Kyou had feared. The loss of her, of Tohru, of the moon from his never-ending night sky. Then every star, every precious moment spent with her, would flicker and disappear as well; he would be left in the darkness. Alone, as always. Separated. For this was his curse. His punishment for the sin he never committed.

Yuki's face held an aura of serene supremacy. The damn rat. He had nothing to lose, and everything to gain. He could sit there and do absolutely nothing, but still appear the victor.

"So I'm sure you both understand why we are doing all we can do in order to contact Kajiko-san. We've sent Haru-kun out to search for her, hoping that he could trigger some memories. Also, this should allow you some time to get your affairs in order. I suggest that you go through an old memorabilia you've had, so the shock of these "new" memories may be lessened –"

"No."

"Pardon me Kyou?" Hatori questioned, distracted from his explanation.

"No. I won't do this. I'll try and get in the way if I can. I won't allow this to happen. You can't do this. You're ruining my life again … it's like you and the rest of the world are out to get me."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't you get it? You're … you're insane! You're taking away a part of my life that I'm happy to remember! All my life I've always been on the losing side! My mother's dead, my father's gone! Because of this … this stupid curse! And now you're asking me to accept it again?!"

"Kyou the sanity of two people is as stake! You can't turn your back on - "

-=+=-

Yuki had had it with the ignorance of the idiot cat.

"You can't possibly believe that everything will stay the same, Kyou! Soon things will change for the worse and it won't just be Momiji-kun and Kana-san in danger!"

-=+=-

It was that stupid rat again. The one who had caused him agony his entire life. The mere existence of that kuso nezumi was a shadow upon Kyou's happiness. And now, he was trying to convince Kyou that giving him Tohru and his freedom; the things he truly cherished; would make everything better.

"NO! You don't know how it feels Yuki! To be utterly alone all the time. Separated from the rest of the world because of something you didn't do, separated simply because of the way you are.

"There are other ways we can save them! They'll snap out of it soon enough, 'cause God knows that I've had to cope with this my entire life! Slowly going insane with the labyrinth of thoughts in my head! Feeling alienated everyday; watching people stare at you, like some freak behind glass!

"And that's all I really was! Some freak hidden behind magic from these simple glass beads! And now you're trying to take away the one thing that has made me happy! Made me enjoy my freaking existence in this godforsaken life! I will not, no, CAN NOT give up Tohru or my freedom!"

There was a pause after Kyou's speech. Hatori was at a loss for words, he never imagined that Kyou was even capable of all these thoughts, these … feelings.

Yuki on the other hand was quite disgusted, but mildly surprised. Kyou endured the same thoughts and emotions that he had also lived with. Possibly, to an even greater level.

However, he couldn't overlook the fact that the cat was being selfish and impulsive. His rash decision was putting the lives of two people at stake. Yuki was willing to give up his freedom to them. To take back the chains and shackles for the sake of their sanity.

But his sacrifice was more of an exchange. He would lose his freedom, but gain the unwavering love of Tohru. Somehow, he could just make out why Kyou was so unwilling to let go.

"I won't do it," Kyou stubbornly declared.

"You have to," Yuki countered.

"No, I don't. And I definitely won't," Kyou pressed.

"There is no logic behind your decision! You're basically condemning two people to their deaths! So why exactly are you doing this?!" Yuki said, losing his calm aura and temper.

"You wouldn't understand!"

"Try me!"

"I've already told you!"

"Well then tell me again!"

"I have nothing to gain!"

A pause.

There passed a look of utter disgust upon Yuki's face.

"Sometimes it isn't about what you have to gain, Kyou. It's about what others have to lose."

Scribbler's ramblings: Well, there's the end of this chapter. I've ran out of ideas of what to say in this little author's note, so I'll probably just end now.

Oh wait, make reviews constructive.

Yea, that should be about it.

You can stop reading now, I'm not writing anymore.

Nope, nothing more. The end of the chapter.

Hahaha, made you look.

Saturday October 18, 2003