Title: Quid Pro Quo

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

(A/N): Really quick one shot fic I felt like jotting down. I'm pretty sure what I wrote makes it pretty self-explanatory whose thinking what. In the memory of Winifred Burkle.

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I'm so tired of being here

Supressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

*

Wesley:

Fred is gone. Her body, mind and soul thrown into the fires, destroying any trace of the woman I love. And I agreed to help the demon who killed her. Because I'm weak. Because I want to grab onto any...THING that even remotely resembles her. Anything that will remind me of her smile, her warmth... and that ratty old bunny that seemed to sum up her personality so well won't do. Even if I were thinking with a clear head, I still wouldn't be the one to teach Illyria about humanity. At least the best of it. I'm selfish. It's true that we don't really have anyway to put Illyria back in her coffin, but I don't want us to. Because I know, if I look at her long enough, abnormal, crystal blue eyes will return back into it's normal, warm, chocolate shade of brown and blue on deathly pale skin will melt away into peach-colored skin. I know I'm playing a dangerous game and that these childish fantasies will only end up hurting me more than help but it's easier. I can't believe that Fred's been completely wiped from existence because if Fred's there, Oblivion wouldn't seem like such a bad choice.

*

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time can not erase

*

Illyria will be my anchor to this world, as I will be hers. As Gunn would say: Quid Pro Quo...

*

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

*

Spike:

From day one she believed in me. Believed I could be a hero and that means a lot. Fred was willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. Did everything she could to keep the Reaper from sucking me into Hell. If it weren't for her I'd be swimming in a pit of lava right now. I'd a given my life to return the favor. Save her from dying, from being erased. But it too late, and the least I can do is stay here and keep an eye out for her "Boys." Yes. Even the dick, Angel.

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You used to captivate me by your resonating mind

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

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Gunn:

I wish the doctor had made me a vegetable. Then I wouldn't feel my sanity slipping away from me. The regret is maddening and no amount of "Sorry's" is going to change what happened. I sold my soul to destroy Fred's. I knew someone was going to get hurt but I didn't think that it would hit so close to home. I was prepared to be the reason for the death of some average "Joe Schmoe". Not someone I knew and loved. I didn't expect to see my victim's face haunting me, her voice a constant reminder of my betrayal. And I don't even have the luxury of claiming that insanity is what's making me see her. Knowing that it will soon be over and that no one else will have to die because of me. Having that small hope that eventually my mind will deteriorate into nothing...Just like Fred. I only see her because that demon bitch, Illyria, hijacked Fred's body. And the only thing killing me right now is that I'm the last one who could condemn her, knowing that I'm just as much responsible for Fred's death.

*

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time can not erase

*

Lorne:

It doesn't feel like Fred has been erased from existence. I still remember private karaoke nights, which was really just the two of us singing Gloria Gaynor songs on the top of our lungs. I remember the Chinese food binges and making lists on why "Green Is the Best Color Ever" and how "Horns Go With Everything". She once told me that my eyes kinda reminded her of the gambit's from X-Men and that he was a regular Casanova. That was one of the first conversations we ever had. And I feel in love with her right then and there.

*

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

*

Angel:

In the past year and a half, I've lost my son, Cordelia and now Fred. I can't bear to go down and see Gunn right now because I'm afraid. Afraid he'll look so much like Wesley when I saw him in the hospital after he took my son. I wonder if I could trust myself not to try and push a pillow down over his head. Would Wesley be more forgiving if he remembered what he did hardly a year ago? Probably not, but the concept is the same. Even if he doesn't remember. How could I possibly reprimand him for something I'd do myself? I was so convinced we could save Fred, letting denial take over me. False hope driving me to do what ever it took to get Fred back. Letting her die was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. Illyria asked me if I were the Champion of the People. It's ironic that a Champion could also be damned. Because in my century long tirade of killing, I've never killed a soul as bright as Winfred Burkle's. And for letting her die, there isn't a doubt in my mind that I'm damned. But which is better: Hell or Oblivion?

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I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

*

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

*

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R&R