Ranma 1/2: A Deadly Choice
Chapter 3: The Pen is not always Mightier than the Sword
The sun had already set by the time Ranma reached the Tendo house. For the second time that day, he paused at the front door before entering, this time in response to a growling sound coming from the region of his abdomen. "Was that you, Ryoga?" he asked the black pig under his arm.
"Bwee bwee!" Ryoga shook his head in denial.
"Musta been me, then," said Ranma. "I haven't eaten all day." He quietly slid the door open and crossed the threshold, then crept through the dining room to the kitchen, careful not to attract the attention of the Saotome and Tendo fathers out back. "There's gotta be something to eat in here."
"BWEE!" Ryoga protested loudly, pointing toward the bathroom.
"Can it, pig!" snapped Ranma. "I've been through enough today on an empty stomach. If I have to listen to your story about how you got Akane into bed with you, I'm eating first."
"BweeBWEEbwee!" Ryoga oinked insistently, doing his best to form a word.
"Maybe I'll just have a pork sandwich..."
Ryoga shook his head. "BweeBWEEbwee! BWEEBWEEBWEE!"
"You trying to say something?" asked Ranma. "I don't get it."
"BWEE BW-" Ryoga gave up trying to communicate verbally and leapt out of Ranma's arms onto the kitchen counter. He grabbed the loose end of the roll of paper towels in his teeth and pulled a sheet free, then used a paw with practiced ease to punch out holes that seemed to form the shapes of three characters in the loose sheet.
"A-ka-ne," Ranma read aloud. "Akane? Is that what you were trying to say?"
"Bwee!" Ryoga cheered, waving a flag in the air to celebrate.
"All right," said Ranma, still not understanding the point of the game. "So, what about Akane?"
Ryoga took a deep breath, then launched into an intricate pantomime of walking into a room, seeing something he didn't approve of, and beating someone over the head with a large heavy object. Ranma watched the entire production with interest.
When Ryoga had finished, Ranma nodded his understanding. "You're overdue for your rabies shot, aren't you?"
Ryoga leapt up and swatted him on the head.
"Ow! All right! I get it." Ranma sighed. "You want me to turn you back before Akane catches me with her precious pet pig and gets angry." He glanced at the battered teakettle on the counter. "Looks like boiling water is out. But there's a tub full of hot water in the bathroom." He picked Ryoga up and crossed the dining room to the hallway door. He slunk silently down the hallway, looking both ways to make sure nobody was watching as he crept toward the door at the far end. All was quiet, leading Ranma to the condemning thought that, for once, everything was going his way.
Naturally, as soon as Ranma had allowed himself to feel safe for that tiny fatal second, the bathroom door slid open to admit a bathrobe-clad teenaged girl, her face obscured by the towel with which she was drying her hair. Ranma caught his breath and quickly hid Ryoga behind his back.
The girl's hands froze, and she turned her head to look at Ranma. "Are you hiding something, Ranma?" she asked, in a much calmer and softer voice than Ranma was expecting from Akane. In fact... the face peering at him from beneath the towel wasn't Akane's at all. It was Nabiki's.
Ranma sighed his relief. "Boy, Nabiki, am I glad to see you! For a second, I thought you were Akane!" Ryoga squealed softly in terror.
"In that case, you're in real trouble," replied Nabiki, still looking right at Ranma.
"Why's that?" asked Ranma.
"Because she's right behind you, staring at whatever you're trying to hide from me."
Ranma spun around, belatedly, to see Akane glaring at him with the angriest expression he'd ever seen on her face. He reflexively brought his hands in front to put some space between himself and Akane, forgetting that he was still holding Ryoga. Akane glanced down only long enough to confirm the identity of the pig before turning the full force of her glare back on Ranma.
Time passed slowly, as the occupants of the hallway remained frozen in a tableau of muted violence waiting for an outlet. Ranma didn't move a muscle, for fear that the slightest twitch might set Akane off. Akane waited motionlessly for Ranma to make a move. Ryoga prayed silently for a quick end, or failing that, a chance to sneak away while Akane pounded Ranma.
Nabiki, on the other hand, calmly pushed the two martial artists aside and walked between them, with barely an "Excuse me." The brief intrusion into their personal space broke the tension just enough to precipitate a bit of action. Namely, Akane grabbing Ryoga from Ranma's arms and cradling him protectively to her chest.
"What are you doing to P-chan?" she demanded. Ryoga buried his snout in Akane's shirt, anticipating (and dreading) what was to come.
Ranma, however, surprised both Akane and Ryoga by taking a few seconds to think before answering. "I found him outside, lost as usual and dirty," he replied at last. "So I thought I'd bring him home and give him a bath." He shrugged, as if to indicate that it should have been obvious.
Akane didn't buy it for a second. "He doesn't look dirty to me," she snapped. "You probably just wanted to try to drown him in the bathtub again."
"If I wanted to drown him, I wouldn't have brought him HERE to do it," Ranma pointed out.
"Why DID you come home?" countered Akane. "I thought you wanted to run off to a fiancee who saw your side of things instead of the one who gets angry all the time."
Ranma quickly prepared a witty, biting retort relating to Akane's affair with Ryoga. "I want YOU to be the fiancee who sees my side of things," he replied instead.
Akane's jaw dropped. He'd actually said something nice! Or at least, it sounded that way... "What do you mean by that?" she asked, just to make sure.
Ranma shook his head in confusion. "I dunno. Just another one of those weird things I've been saying since I woke up in that alley this afternoon, I guess. I was gonna say -"
"Ranma, maybe you should see Doctor Tofu," Akane interrupted. "I think something may be seriously wrong with you."
Ranma shrugged. "Maybe it's just because I'm hungry. I haven't had a bite to eat all day. I probably just collapsed from hunger somewhere and haven't been thinking straight 'cause, like Pops always says, 'An empty head sits atop an empty stomach.' All I gotta do is grab a bite to eat, and tomorrow morning, I'll be fine." His stomach growled again, lending confirmation to his theory.
Akane's expression softened. "Ranma, I'm really worried. You're not acting like yourself anymore!"
Ranma shrugged again. "I thought you, for one, would be happy if I started acting different."
"That's not the point!" shouted Akane.
"Well, if you don't want me to change..." began Ranma.
Akane snarled. "You're doing it again! Stop taking everything I say the wrong way!"
"How am I supposed to take it?" asked Ranma. "I can't read your mind. I can only guess at what you're feeling by your expressions, and the way you speak, and -"
"Are you even listening to yourself?" asked Akane. "Do you understand what you're saying?"
Ranma shook his head, not in answer to the question, but to indicate that he didn't want to answer. "The question, Akane, is not whether I can understand what I'm saying, but whether YOU can understand what I'm saying."
Akane's head spun in the flood of twisted logic. "I don't understand. What are you trying to say?"
"Yes, Ranma," agreed Soun from the dining room doorway, where he and Genma had appeared to hear the last part of the conversation. "What exactly ARE you trying to say?"
Ranma looked at the fathers, then back to Akane. "We're just not communicating," he decided aloud. "Discussing it like this isn't going to get us anywhere. Would you mind giving us our privacy?"
"Certainly," said Soun. "Don't mind us. Just pretend we're not here."
"We're your parents," added Genma. "It's important for us to monitor you during this critical stage of your development."
Ranma turned to glare at them, then let his shoulders sag in defeat. "Never mind. I'm too hungry to deal with this. Forget dinner. I'm just going to bed." He shuffled down the hallway toward the staircase. "You have fun with Ryoga, Akane."
"Ranma, wait!" Akane called after him. He didn't even pause on his way to his room. She started to follow him, but the fathers stepped into the hallway to block her path.
"What did he mean, 'have fun with Ryoga?'" asked Soun. Ryoga buried his face in his paws.
"I have no idea!" protested Akane. "I don't know what's going on today! Something weird has been happening to everybody..." She trailed off, wondering whether it was wise to tell their fathers about the memory losses. It would probably only make them worry, and there was nothing they could do. She and Ranma would have to deal with the problem on their own.
"What is it, Akane?" her father pressed. "What's happening?"
"I don't know," she repeated calmly. "I need some time alone to think." She slid between the pair of bodies and climbed the stairs without looking back. Just as Ranma had done, she reflected morosely. A quick glance confirmed that the guest room door was closed; and as much as she wanted to talk to Ranma now, she knew that it wouldn't be right to intrude. She let herself into her room and sat down heavily on the bed.
"What's going on?" she asked aloud. "It's not just Ranma. Ryoga and I also experienced it. But I'm not acting strangely, like Ranma is, and I don't think Ryoga was either... except that we woke up in the middle of a kiss..."
She felt a tiny wet drop land on her wrist and looked down. It was a drop of blood from P-chan's nose. "P-chan! I forgot I was carrying you! I'm so sorry, baby! Did I hurt you?" She quickly grabbed a tissue and wiped at P-chan's nose while he softly squealed deliriously to himself. "I'm just so worried about Ranma! He seems to think nothing's wrong, but..."
Akane shook her head, beginning to stroke P-chan lightly as an important fact came to mind. "Ukyo said that Shampoo was acting suspiciously. And now that I think about it, the feeling I had when I woke up this evening reminds me of the time Shampoo used her memory-erasing shampoo on me. I had the same feeling then... strangely warm and refreshed." She snapped her fingers, startling P-chan. "That must be it! Shampoo must have snuck in here, somehow forced us to kiss each other, and then erased our memories!" She looked up at the recently patched hole in the ceiling. "Or maybe she's the one who broke in through the ceiling. But why?"
P-chan did his best to shrug. Even if he did have the power to tell her the truth, he couldn't shatter her innocence that way! Especially not after having lied to her, back when he'd had the chance to come clean. The truth could only make things worse now. So... as long as Akane was willing to create her own lie, why not go along with it?
Akane hummed as she considered her new information. "Usually, it's Ukyo who tries to get me and Ryoga together so she can have Ranma to herself... do you think Shampoo had the same idea?" She sighed. "Ranma's convinced that nothing's wrong, but I have a bad feeling that something's going to happen tonight. I just know she has some kind of plan, and he might be in real trouble! But what can I possibly do about it? It's not like I can watch Ranma all night!"
P-chan's head perked up at that remark, and he leapt out of Akane's arms and raced for the open door. "Wait, P-chan!" Akane called after him. "What's wrong?" She ran after him as far as the upstairs hallway, but by the time she reached the landing, he was nowhere in sight. "Where did he go?" she wondered aloud. "And why was he in such a hurry to get away from me?"
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Ryoga carefully nudged the bathroom door open with his snout and crept inside, shutting the door behind himself. He trotted purposefully to the tub and leapt in, changing back to his human form in the warm water and splashing quite a bit of it onto the floor in the process. He toweled himself dry as quickly as possible, grabbed one of his spare outfits from the secret cache in the back of the closet, and dressed in record time. He was halfway to the door when he thought better of it and went to the window instead, climbing over the tub with practiced ease. "Excuse me," he said as he leapt out.
Soun merely nodded as he turned on the spigot to refill the tub. He was used to this sort of intrusion by now, and hardly even noticed Ryoga's visits any more. It was odd, however, that he would use the window this time instead of the door...
Coincidentally, Ryoga found himself wondering the same thing, now that he was standing in the Tendo backyard, staring up at the multitude of windows that punctuated the wall of the house above him. Which one was Akane's? How would he find his way back to her bedroom, now that he'd changed back into his own form? He tried to remember where in the house Akane's bedroom was, but the closest he could come was 'not next to the bomb shelter.' Oh well, only one thing to do. He leapt up to one of the darkened second story windows, slid the movable pane aside, and climbed in.
As soon as he got his head through the window frame, he could hear a girl sobbing from under the blankets on the bed at the far side of the room. He heaved a sigh of relief. He'd managed to find the right room on the first try! And poor Akane... how dare Ranma drive her to tears like this! But her hero was here, ready to charge to her rescue and make everything right! He stealthily dropped to the floor and crossed the room to the bed.
"Wake up!" he whispered harshly, shaking the body under the covers. "I've come for you!" The sobbing immediately ended in a strangled gasp as the covers were pulled down from within. Ryoga quickly covered Kasumi's mouth before she could scream. "Kasumi! What are you doing in Akane's room?"
"Mmmph mmph mm rmmph," replied Kasumi.
Ryoga removed his hand from her mouth. "What did you say?"
"I said that this is my room," she replied calmly. "And I'd like to know what you're doing here."
"N-nothing," stammered Ryoga, backing toward the window. "In fact, I was just leaving."
"That's all right." Kasumi wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I must apologize for my curtness. You see, I noticed that Ranma missed breakfast this morning, and Akane was concerned about him this afternoon, so I thought I'd make his favorite for dinner tonight. I put a great deal of preparation into tonight's meal, but Ranma didn't stay for dinner. I suppose I was a little bit upset. But I'm fine now. Thank you for cheering me up."
Ryoga clenched his fist. "Ranma made both Akane and Kasumi cry! I've got to..." He shook his head. "No, my revenge will have to wait. Akane needs me!" He climbed halfway out the window, then climbed back in and hastily bowed. "Um, you're welcome, Kasumi." He quickly made his egress again, leaving a very confused Kasumi to her much-needed rest.
"Now what?" asked Ryoga, once he was outside. "I guess I've got to try another room." He climbed along the wall to the next window and peered into the room. This room was nearly as organized as Kasumi's room had been, but the decorations were a bit too feminine to be Akane's. Ryoga recognized the figure in one of the wall posters as the main character in a popular girls' manga. "This must be Nabiki's room," he said to himself.
"That's exactly right," replied a voice from just inside the window. "The question is, what are you doing peeping into my room?"
She could hear through the window? "I thought this was Akane's room!" Ryoga hastily explained.
"So, you were trying to peep on Akane?" asked Nabiki, stepping into view. Ryoga quickly averted his eyes to avoid staring at her nightgown-clad figure.
"No! That's not it at all!" protested Ryoga. "Akane asked for my help with something and I was trying to find her room!"
"A likely story," said Nabiki, resting her elbows on the windowsill. "If you were invited, why are you sneaking in through the window?"
"I couldn't find the door?" tried Ryoga, carefully studying a blemish in the paintwork of the windowframe.
Nabiki frowned at Ryoga's reaction. She prided herself on her peepableness, yet Ryoga was deliberately avoiding the view she was offering him. And she'd so hoped to catch him in an act of perversion and be justified in some subsequent vengeful act! "I guess you might be telling the truth," she agreed grudgingly. She slid the window open, grabbed Ryoga's head, and turned it to face Akane's window. "See that window over there?" she asked. "That's Akane's room. Got it?"
"Right, thanks," said Ryoga, climbing toward the window without taking his eyes off of it. He slid the window open with trepidation, half expecting to have picked the wrong window in spite of Nabiki's guidance. He climbed into the dark room, just waiting to trip over Ranma's father or stumble into Kasumi's bed again...
The light turned on, and Ryoga choked back the scream that rose in his throat before he saw Akane sitting up in her bed, with her hand on the bedside lamp. "Ryoga? What are you doing in my room at this time of night?" she asked.
"It's about Ranma," he replied.
Akane seemed confused for a few seconds, before comprehension dawned on her face and she nodded. "Oh, right. You went to find out what happened to Ranma this afternoon."
"I did?" Oh, of course. The excuse he'd made to leave her room after the Naresome no Shiatsu disaster. "Actually, that's not why I came back."
"Oh." Akane looked even more confused. "Then why ARE you here?"
Ryoga carefully considered his reply. "I thought you might be able to use my help in some other way," he suggested. That shouldn't give anything away...
Akane brightened. "Oh, right! I was just thinking about asking somebody to watch Ranma tonight and make sure nothing happens to him, but I couldn't think of anyone I could ask!"
Ryoga blushed. "Yeah, well... I suppose I might be able to..."
"Oh, thank you!" Akane breathed gratefully.
"Sure, no problem," said Ryoga, rubbing the back of his head. It felt like he was forgetting something in his excitement over helping Akane...
Akane's face drooped. "By the way... did you happen to see P-chan tonight?"
"P-chan?" Ryoga's eyes shifted guiltily. "No... why do you ask?"
She sighed. "He just ran off a few minutes ago, and I still haven't figured out where he went, or why he left in the first place. I'm worried about him... he's usually back before bedtime."
Ryoga gulped. She was expecting P-chan back tonight, but the pig wouldn't be making an appearance if Ryoga was watching Ranma! "I'm sorry, Akane!" he interjected quickly. "I just remembered, I can't watch Ranma for you!"
"You can't?" Akane repeated despondently. "Why not?"
"I can't tell you," Ryoga said. No sooner were the words out of his mouth than he wished he could take them back, but it was too late.
Akane took a deep breath. "I think I understand," she said. "You probably don't want to be around me after what happened earlier today..."
"That's not the reason!" Ryoga protested. "I just..." An idea struck him. "I'm not a very good bodyguard!" he said proudly. Thinking better of it, he quickly checked his pride and did his best to look ashamed of his shortcoming.
"Oh." Akane considered his statement. "I suppose that's a good point," she decided.
"You probably want someone like Mousse for this job," said Ryoga, not quite as casually as he sounded. "I bet he'd make a pretty good bodyguard..."
Akane clapped her hands together. "That's a great idea! But would he agree to do it?"
"If he thought the strange stuff going on today was part of a plan to get Shampoo and Ranma together, he probably would," posited Ryoga.
"Do you really think we can convince him to help us?" Akane asked hopefully.
"Only one way to find out," said Ryoga. He leapt out the window, glad that Akane hadn't noticed how much he was shaking with the fear that his diversion would have failed.
"Ryoga, wait!" shouted Akane as she ran to the window. "By the time you find your way there, it'll be morning already!" She climbed out the window and landed beside Ryoga on the lawn.
"Um, Akane..." whispered Ryoga, "You're not exactly dressed to go out."
Akane looked down at herself and realized for the first time that she was still wearing her pajamas. However, her pride refused to let her admit her error. "I know what I'm wearing!" she said, standing up straight like a rooster displaying its intimidating chest feathers and daring any other chicken to cross its path. "There's no time to change! We've got to get Mousse before anything happens to Ranma!"
Ryoga reluctantly allowed Akane to lead him out of the yard and into the streets of Nerima, knowing that losing sight of her would leave him helplessly stranded. 'Akane, I'd follow you to the ends of the Earth if it would make you happy,' he thought to himself. 'But why must you tease me with those pajamas...?' He sighed. "I want you so much, Akane. But how can I make you see that without hurting you any more than I already have?"
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Shampoo climbed the stairs to the upper floor of the Cat Cafe, dragging the weight of fatigue from another hard day's work waiting on customers, cleaning tables, and making preparations for her great-grandmother's plan. After such a trying day, she'd earned at least a night and a half of undisturbed sleep. Unfortunately, there was no such thing as undisturbed sleep in Nerima, but in her exhausted state, Shampoo was willing to settle for the nearest equivalent. She slid open the door to her room and stepped inside, not even noticing the figure waiting for her within until it spoke to her.
"Good evening, Shampoo," said Mousse, adjusting his glasses.
"Mousse, what you doing here?" demanded Shampoo, more annoyed than startled. "This one Shampoo's room!"
"I've been waiting for you, Shampoo," Mousse replied, in a tone that was flat yet seductive.
Shampoo shook her head in confusion. "Shampoo only downstairs working. Why you not come down if wanted to talk to Shampoo?"
In an instant, Mousse was at the other end of the room with his arms around Shampoo. "I've been waiting here for you, Shampoo... because it doesn't matter whether we're in the same place or hundreds of miles apart. Until now, we've always been distant from each other. But tonight... that will change."
Shampoo shrank away from Mousse as best she could while secured by his half-embrace, half-stranglehold. "What you doing? Shampoo not understand..."
"There's nothing to understand," said Mousse. "You know how much I love you, and I know you love me in return..." For a second, it seemed as if Mousse had more to say, but in that brief silence, he grabbed the back of Shampoo's head and steered her into a passionate kiss. Shampoo responded immediately, returning the kiss with unexpected vigor. Mousse nearly lost his balance as Shampoo pressed her body against his, doing her best to drag him toward the bed despite her lack of leverage. Mousse was only too happy to oblige, eagerly pushing Shampoo in the direction she was leading him.
With a grunt, Shampoo began to resist Mousse's pull. "What's wrong, Shampoo?" he asked, breaking the kiss.
"Help!" cried Shampoo. Mousse let his gaze slide past Shampoo's radiant face, which was all he could see in the darkness that was the unimportant rest of the world... no, wait... the darkness surrounding Shampoo wasn't in his imagination! It was real, alive, and trying to tear her away from him! Mousse reflexively backed away from the writhing shadow, but Shampoo held a deathgrip on his arm as the shadow pulled her deeper into itself.
Mousse steeled his nerves and grabbed Shampoo's wrist firmly while the other hand summoned a fistful of daggers with a flourish. "Don't worry, Shampoo," he assured her. "I'll save you!"
"Mousse, hurry!" urged Shampoo.
With a shout of "Let Shampoo go!" Mousse launched the daggers at the shadow, careful not to hit Shampoo. The daggers tore cylindrical holes through the shadow as they passed through; but the holes immediately filled themselves as if they had never been opened, even before the daggers struck the far wall of the bedroom and stuck into the hard wood. Mousse gave a start at the sound. "I didn't damage it at all!"
"Do something! Mousse!" gasped Shampoo as the blackness covered her face.
Mousse clung doggedly to the arm that was the only part of Shampoo still visible outside the shadow. "Just hold on! I won't let you go!" Despite his plea, he felt Shampoo's grip begin to slip as the shadow pulled her in with even more force. Part of the cloud formed a pair of arms, which grabbed his shoulders and shook him violently.
"Mousse! Mousse!" Shampoo's distorted voice cried from somewhere within the darkness.
Mousse sat bolt upright in bed, lunging at the shadow. "Let go, you deformed monster!"
The shadow smacked him in the face with an open palm. "Who are you calling a deformed monster?" demanded the voice that had been calling to him in his dream. It wasn't Shampoo's voice at all...
"Akane Tendo?" he asked sleepily. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?"
"Never mind that!" snapped Akane, continuing to shake Mousse by the shoulders. "Where do you get off calling me a deformed monster?"
"We came here for a reason, Akane," Ryoga's voice reminded her from the direction of the window. "Rather than fighting over what was probably an unintentional insult, you should ask for the favor you came for."
"I think I can handle this myself!" Akane retorted, punctuating her exclamation with another Mousse-buffeting shake.
"You'd better hope you don't shake the wits right out of him," replied Ryoga.
"Shake the wits right out of who?" asked Akane, no longer even aware that she was continuing to take out her rage on Mousse.
"Are you even paying attention to what you're doing?" asked Ryoga, a smile beginning to cross his face despite his resolve.
Akane's arms froze. "What are you talking about?" she asked.
"Can I say something?" Mousse interjected dazedly.
Akane turned her angry glare on Mousse. "What?" she demanded.
"What are you doing in my room?" he asked.
"Hey! I came here to ask YOU for a favor!" Akane shouted indignantly.
"I really can't say much for your delivery," said Ryoga.
Mousse's hand stealthily crept over to the nightstand and began to fumble for his glasses. "Would you mind... letting go of me?" he asked.
Akane hastily released her grip on Mousse and leapt off of the bed. "Sorry about that," she apologized. "I guess I'm just a little jumpy after all the weird stuff that's happened today."
"Weird stuff?" Mousse asked as he donned his glasses. "What kind of weird -" He paused in mid-sentence to look Akane up and down. "Um... is the fact that you came to see me in your pajamas part of the weird stuff, or just a coincidence?"
"I told you to change before we left," Ryoga reminded her.
"Can we forget about my pajamas for a second?" snapped Akane. "The reason we came is because we think something might happen to Ranma tonight, and we need a bodyguard for him, and we thought you might be the best person for the job."
"I'm flattered, but I'm afraid I'll have to decline," said Mousse. "Ranma is my rival for Shampoo's hand, so helping him is against my principles."
"But..." Akane began. Lacking a train of further thought, she looked imploringly toward Ryoga.
"What if the person trying to get to Ranma was Shampoo?" interjected Ryoga. "What if she'd found a way to make Ranma fall in love with her, and all she needed was a chance to get him alone?"
Mousse snorted. "Well, if THAT was the case, then of course I'd have no choice but to accept!" He leaned forward, causing the moonlight from the window to reflect in his glasses. "Does this have anything to do with the fact that Shampoo took a personal day off today?"
"I knew it!" Akane said triumphantly, slamming her fist into her palm. "I KNEW she was up to something!"
"Now, let's not jump to conclusions," countered Ryoga. "We don't know for sure whether or not Shampoo was involved. However, we do have grounds for reasonable suspicion, so we have to take measures to protect Ranma from her influence, just in case."
Mousse simply smiled and nodded while Ryoga spoke, then turned to Akane when he'd finished. "Is that the kind of weird stuff you were talking about?"
"I don't think so," replied Akane. "I think he got that from a book."
Mousse shrugged. "Well, wherever he got it from, it seems to make sense. If Shampoo's trying to make Ranma fall in love with her, I have to try to stop her."
"Then let's hurry up and get back to the Tendo Dojo before Shampoo tries anything," said Ryoga. He leapt out the window and waited for Akane and Mousse to join him. Mousse immediately ran ahead, while Akane stayed behind to talk to Ryoga.
"That was unexpectedly easy, wasn't it?" she asked, once Mousse was out of earshot.
"It's all a matter of knowing how to convince people," Ryoga replied with a wink.
"That book really helped you, didn't it?" asked Akane.
Ryoga missed a step and nearly tripped. "What book?" he asked defensively.
"I found a book in my room after you left," explained Akane. "I thought you might have accidentally left it behind."
Ryoga shook his head as he ran. "Nope. It's not mine," he lied. He couldn't let Akane know that the book was his! What if she connected it to his strange behavior, and that to her memory loss? If she suspected that he was the true cause of their kiss... "Someone else must have dropped it there," he said.
"Shampoo!" Akane shouted immediately. "It must have been her book! No wonder she was acting so strangely today! She's been using the advice in that book!"
"I suppose it's a possibility," Ryoga said dismissively. It still hurt to purposefully mislead Akane, but it was the only option he had. He charged ahead and caught up with Mousse in order to avoid further conversation with Akane.
"How much farther is it to the Tendo Dojo?" Ryoga asked.
"We're just coming up to the back garden wall now," replied Mousse, pointing to the wall in question.
"Great! That means I have to hurry!" Ryoga leapt ahead and landed on the wall.
"What's the rush?" asked Mousse.
Ryoga turned back to reply as he leapt into the Tendo backyard. "I have to get something before Akane gets back to her room."
"Are you sure that's the best place to jump without looking?" Mousse asked as he leapt onto the wall that Ryoga had just vacated.
"What do you -?" began Ryoga, before he looked down to see the koi pond right under him. He screamed in terror and valiantly made swimming motions with his arms and legs, but couldn't alter his trajectory as he fell into the pond with a splash.
Mousse hopped down to the ground beside the pond and pulled a net from the sleeve of his robe. "The things I do to avoid upsetting a client," he sighed to himself, fishing Ryoga and his clothes out of the pond. He threw the clothes behind a bush and tucked the net away just as Akane leapt over the wall.
"P-chan!" she shouted excitedly as she saw the pig in Mousse's arms.
Mousse obligingly handed Akane her pet. "I think the little guy's been looking for you," he said.
"Don't worry, baby," Akane cooed to Ryoga. "Mommy's back." She lifted her head and scanned the yard. "Where did Ryoga go?" she asked.
"He said he had some important plans and asked me to say goodbye for him," answered Mousse.
"Oh." Akane blinked. "Well, I'm sure he has his reasons." She pointed to a second-story window. "That's the window to Ranma's room. Try not to wake him up, okay?"
"He'll never know I was there," Mousse assured her. He leapt stealthily up to the indicated window, slid it silently open, and slipped soundlessly inside.
"Wow," said Akane. "He's good." She leapt up to her own still-open window and climbed into her room. "Well, P-chan, what do you say we get some sleep?"
"Bwee!" Ryoga agreed happily. It had been a hectic evening, but at last, it was over.
*************************************************
Mousse sighed despondently. It had been a boring night, and it was far from over.
He had plenty of time to reflect on what a bad idea it had been to agree to guard Ranma for the night; in fact, that was about all there was TO do with his time. Garrote wire cat's cradle had only been able to entertain him for so long, and now he was resorting to dagger juggling to keep himself occupied. And still, not a thing had happened to disturb Ranma and his father's peaceful slumber. Not even Genma's intolerable snoring was enough to rouse either of them, although Mousse had to fight the urge to thrust a dagger into the man's throat to shut him up.
"Akane's probably paranoid," said Mousse. "Nothing's going to happen to Ranma tonight." He caught one of the daggers and turned it around in his hand to thrust it down at Ranma's head. He stopped millimeters short of the target; but his caution turned out to be unnecessary, as Ranma had already rolled aside to avoid the strike before Mousse halted it. "Even asleep, he's got the most incredible reflexes I've ever seen," Mousse said admiringly.
Mousse's head jerked up as the window slid open. He caught the daggers that were still in the air and aimed them at the shadowed figure who had climbed into the room. "Hold it right there, Shampoo," he hissed. "I don't want to have to hurt you, but I can't let you touch Ranma."
"How dare you mistake me for that pajama-wearing woman?" demanded the intruder as he drew a familiar bokken. "I am Tatewaki Kuno, the -"
Mousse clapped a hand over Kuno's mouth. "Keep it down, you idiot! Do you want to wake Ranma up?"
"And how else do you suggest I smite him for his atrocities?" asked Kuno - respectfully lowering his voice to a harsh whisper.
"I don't know what you're talking about, but it's going to have to wait until morning," said Mousse. "I'm Ranma's acting bodyguard tonight, and that means nobody gets to Ranma unless it's through me."
"Delay me not with your babble!" warned Kuno, thrusting his bokken under Mousse's nose. "My time dwindles, and I dare not waste it flapping my tongue when by rights I should be swinging my sword!"
"What's your hurry?" Mousse asked teasingly. "Is your caviar getting cold?"
Kuno's teeth clenched in anger. "For your information, my sister lies captive in this demon Saotome's clutches! I will beat her out of him by force if I must!"
"Your sister?" Mousse scratched his head. "I haven't seen her, and I've been here all night."
"Do not deny the evidence of my own eyes, Amazon! Yon sleeper was sighted in my home this very night, spiriting Kodachi away in a cloud as black as his twisted heart!"
"Him?" Mousse glanced over at Ranma. "You really think he can do something like that?"
Kuno flicked Mousse's glasses with a finger. "MY vision is unquestionable. It was Ranma Saotome, the very same one whose magic has enslaved my pigtailed goddess and draws her to love women and not her beloved Upperclassman Kuno!"
"Pigtailed goddess? Love women?" Mousse shook his head sadly and pulled a glass of water from his sleeve. "Look, it's not magic. Just watch this and you'll understand everything."
Kuno knocked the glass from Mousse's hand with his bokken, spilling the water. "I shall not be diverted from my course!" he shouted. "Ranma Saotome must die!"
Mousse leapt backwards to stand between Kuno and Ranma, drawing a variety of sharp weapons. "Like I said before, if you want to get to Ranma, you're going to have to get past me first!"
Kuno's bokken punctuated the air as he struck a heroic pose, staring into space as he spoke. "Very well! By placing yourself between the blade of justice and the sleeping demon, you have proven yourself to be on the side of evil! For the honor of my beloved sister, I shall defeat you and reclaim her by force!" He glanced down to assess Mousse's reaction to his speech, but Mousse didn't seem the least bit intimidated. In fact, far from it. He had a giant grin on his face, and had put away all of his weapons, leaving his hands empty except for the end of a rope which stretched across the floor between the two fighters and wrapped around Kuno's arms and legs several times.
Kuno raised his free hand to point at the rope with trepidation. "What are you doing with that -" His phrase was cut short as Mousse yanked the rope taut, drawing Kuno's legs together and his arms to his sides. With a quick movement, Mousse tied a tight knot at Kuno's side, securing the bonds firmly.
Having finished his travail, Mousse plucked the bokken easily from Kuno's fingers, dropped it on the floor, and rubbed his hands together. "I'm afraid dramatic flair is no match for pure martial arts skill," he said condescendingly.
"Let me go, you deceitful cad!" demanded Kuno, tensing his muscles in a vain effort to break free. "Trapping me in the midst of accepting your challenge is cheating!"
"Cheating or not, you're the one who's tied up," Mousse pointed out.
Kuno sighed in defeat. "Very well, Amazon. I submit to your superior awareness tactics. For the time being, I shall retreat." He leapt up to the windowsill. "But mark my words; I will return on the morrow to destroy Ranma and extract my sister from his clutches!" Having issued his ultimatum, Kuno vaulted out the window, immediately lost his balance in midair, and plunged downward, landing flat on his face in the middle of the yard. He struggled briefly to rise to a standing position, but soon gave up and fell still. "That hurt, you know," he stated flatly.
Mousse stared down at Kuno's prone form for all of about thirty seconds before the sheer stupidity of his predicament gave Mousse a headache. He pulled his head back in the window and shut it. "What an idiot," he whispered under his breath as he returned to his vigil. Once again, the room fell into blissful silence... except for the annoying snoring, even louder now that Ranma's father was in panda form. Mousse groaned and plugged his ears. It was going to be a long night...
*************************************************
The alarm clock buzzed softly, rousing Kasumi from a troubled sleep. Her rude awakening at the hands of Ryoga the previous evening had not made her night any more restful, and what little sleep she'd managed had been filled with nightmares related to Ranma's troubles. As she reached over to turn off the alarm, she reflected on her future brother-in-law's strange behavior the day before. Upsetting Akane was nothing new to Ranma, but he didn't usually skip meals unless there was something seriously wrong. Yet, it wasn't her place to intrude in someone else's personal business. More importantly, there were morning chores to be completed, and spending her time worrying about Ranma would certainly not help her accomplish them!
Silently chiding herself for wasting her time lying abed, Kasumi climbed out of her bed, dressed herself, and went downstairs to begin preparing breakfast. As she passed through the dining room en route to the kitchen, a light snoring from the backyard caught her ear. She slid the back door open to find a body lying on the ground, securely tied up with a strong rope. Its head rose as the door opened, drawing a startled gasp from Kasumi. She timidly stepped down to the grass for a closer look at the body. "Are you all right?" she asked carefully.
"Such cheerful words can hardly begin to describe my torturous ordeal," replied the body.
Kasumi blinked in surprise. "You wouldn't be... Tatewaki Kuno? From Nabiki's class at school?"
"A most astute guess," confirmed Kuno.
"Well, it's very kind of you to stop by," Kasumi said with a smile, ignoring Kuno's uncomfortable-looking position. "I'm afraid the others aren't awake yet, but if you'd like, you can come inside to wait for them."
Kuno looked down at the ropes that bound him as if to make sure that they were still visible. Seeing that they were, he turned back to Kasumi. "I'm not sure you understand, madam. You see-"
"Oh, there's no need to call me 'madam,'" Kasumi interrupted. "Just 'Kasumi' is fine."
Kuno cleared his throat. "Be that as it may, Kasumi, -"
"Oh dear!" gasped Kasumi. "I nearly forgot; I need to start breakfast, or it'll never be ready in time!" She practically leapt up the stairs to the back door, then remembered her manners and turned back. "Would you like to join us? It would be no trouble to prepare an extra place at the table..."
"That won't be possible at the moment," began Kuno, "because -"
"Oh well," said Kasumi. "Feel free to let me know if you change your mind." With that, she slid the door closed, leaving Kuno alone in the yard.
"I would certainly not be averse to a bit of assistance in removing these ropes," Kuno called after her. When Kasumi failed to respond, he sighed heavily and returned to his brooding. "Sometimes, I wonder whether that woman sees aught but the nose before her eyes," he grumbled. His eyes turned skyward, gazing longingly toward Ranma's window. "Saotome... I will extract the price of this humiliation from you in blood!" He began to wriggle his way across the lawn like a worm. "No time to lie about like a tatami mat when there is revenge to be had!" In a single bound, he leapt up to his feet, only to fall right on his back again. "Then again, this may be more difficult than it first appears..."
*************************************************
Akane awoke the next morning to the familiar smell of breakfast... as well as the familiar sounds of breakfast...
"Hey, that sausage is mine!" Ranma shouted in a voice that carried all the way upstairs from the dining room.
"Ranma, as your father, I am your elder as well as your teacher," countered Genma. "Therefore, the last sausage should be mine!"
There was a brief pause, followed by a splash. "Ha!" laughed Ranma. "Now let's see you eat a sausage, Pops!" Genma merely growled sullenly in response, ending in a snap that sounded like a bamboo shoot being bitten in half.
Akane sat up in her bed and rubbed her eyes. "Breakfast is over already? Why didn't Kasumi wake me up?" She had a vague memory of Kasumi knocking on her door earlier in the morning, and herself mumbling something about needing a few more minutes to get out of bed, but she must have dozed off again. "Staying up late to get Mousse must have made me more tired than I thought," she decided. "Well, at least by the sounds of things, Ranma's back to normal. I guess he was right. All he needed was a good night's sleep and a decent meal."
As Akane swung her legs over the side of her bed, the figure crouching at the foot of the bed cleared its throat. Akane caught her breath and turned to look. "Mousse! What are you doing in my room?"
"Where else would I have waited once everyone else woke up?" he asked. "Your instructions were to make sure that Ranma didn't discover my presence. Obviously, I couldn't let anyone other than you see me, or else they'd tell him."
"Couldn't you have just left?" asked Akane.
Mousse shrugged. "I figured you'd want me to tell you what happened to Ranma during the night before I took off, but if you don't want to know..." He took a meaningful step toward the window.
"Wait!" called Akane. "Something happened to Ranma? What?"
Mousse beamed. "Nothing, with ME on the job, of course! But Kuno tried to break in and kill Ranma while he slept. Something about his sister being kidnapped..."
"He didn't hurt Ranma, did he?" Akane asked worriedly.
"Not yet," replied Mousse. "But he's still waiting in your backyard. Any second now..." He beckoned her to the window. "Just watch. This should be amusing."
"Amusing?" Akane repeated dubiously. She crossed to the window and looked down into the yard, where Kuno had finally managed to work himself into a standing position.
"At last, I stand tall!" shouted Kuno, wobbling unsteadily. "Now, I must find that wretch Sao-" His ultimatum was cut short as Ranma flew through the back door toward the koi pond, only to be intercepted in mid-flight by Kuno, knocking the kendoist to the ground once again.
Ranma leapt to his feet and brushed himself off. "Too bad, Pops. Looks like I'm not going to be a girl today, thanks to this -" His cocky air abruptly vanished as he looked down and recognized the object that had saved him from a dunking. "Kuno? What the heck are you doing here? And why are you tied up like that?" He crossed his arms indignantly. "Is this supposed to be some kind of sick joke?"
"Curse you, Saotome!" shouted Kuno, as he broke the ropes that bound him as if they were mere threads of a spider's web. "Prepare to taste the wrath of my deadly blade!"
Ranma nodded uncertainly. "Uh-huh. And just how hard did you hit your head again?"
"Stay thy mocking tongue, fiend!" spat Kuno. "Else I shall cut it from your throat and feed it to a passing mongrel!"
Akane backed away from the window. "I think Kuno's really serious! I don't think I've ever seen him so angry!"
Mousse nodded. "Yeah. He's mad enough now that he might have a chance against Ranma in a fight... if he had his sword."
"What happened to his sword?" asked Akane.
Mousse pulled the weapon in question from a sleeve. "He dropped it."
Meanwhile, Kuno was reaching behind his back for his bokken. "Curses!" he shouted. "My weapon is no more! You must have stolen it as you stole my sister!" He sniffed haughtily, then dropped into a fighting stance. "Very well! Then I shall smite you barehanded, Ranma Saotome!"
"You really sure you want to do that, Kuno?" asked Ranma. "Maybe we can talk this out."
"NO!" yelled Kuno as he charged at Ranma, swinging his fists. Ranma leapt out of the way, tagging the back of Kuno's head with his foot to send him crashing to the ground. Kuno immediately leapt to his feet. "I feel no pain!" he announced. "The thought of my beloved sister spurs me forward to victory!"
"You 'feel no pain' because I don't want to have to hurt you," Ranma informed him.
"Oh no!" gasped Akane. "He's acting weird again!" She darted back to the window and lifted a foot onto the sill. "I'd better get down there and break it up before someone really does get hurt!"
"Are you sure you want to go out there like that?" asked Mousse.
"If Ranma refuses to hurt Kuno, he's asking for a beating!" Akane pointed out.
"No, I mean..." Mousse pointed to Akane's clothing. "You're still in your pajamas."
Akane let out a sound that was a disquieting combination of an angry growl and an exasperated groan. "I'm beginning to think it would save me a lot of trouble if I just slept in my clothes..."
"You just need to change before going downstairs," Mousse reminded her. "It's not such a big -"
"Hurry up and get out of my room so I can change!" shouted Akane, punctuating her order with a sharp kick to Mousse's backside that sent him flying out the window. At that very moment, Kuno charged at Ranma again, only to be flung straight up into Mousse's trajectory by Ranma's counter-throw. The two bodies collided in mid-air, then fell earthward to land in the koi pond.
"Traitorous Amazon!" shouted Kuno as he wiped the water from his face. "You promised me no interference come morning!" He grabbed the robe floating in the water, only to discover that Mousse was no longer inside. "What is this? You would run away from a challenge? Have you no honor?"
"Quack," replied Mousse.
Kuno stared at the fowl blankly. "A duck in a koi pond? How unusual."
Ranma stepped to the edge of the koi pond and bent over Kuno. "Think maybe you've cooled down enough to talk this out?" he asked politely.
"Talk will accomplish nothing!" snapped Kuno, as an object fell from a fold of Mousse's robe and landed in the pond with a splash. "Aha!" Kuno scooped up the wet bokken and leapt out of the pond. "The blade of righteousness has returned to my hand, thus proving that it is I who am just and you who are wrong!" He leveled the bokken at Ranma's throat. "Now, return my sister to me at once, or I shall slay you where you stand!"
