A/N: Wow. You all have moved me to tears. I don't know what else to say
but thank you. I know full well how soaps work - there's not a lot of time
to spend on stuff like this – but I truly feel that Rafe must have had a
TON of unresolved issues. I mean c'mon – the guy got killed (in the most
cowardly ways possible I might add – stabbed and shot in the back) and
walked the earth again on more than one occasion. ;) Seriously - I think
something has to happen in order for him (and everyone else) to be able to
move on. I just hope I can do it justice. Until 47! xox-G
Chapter Forty-six
"Alison?"
"Hmmm?" She replied, staring into space again.
Abby took her sister's hand and gave it a quick squeeze. She stopped chattering on about the bookstore and focused her energy on helping her sister. "Alison – maybe this isn't the best time to discuss this."
Alison finally began to focus. "I'm sorry, Abby. I know I said I was up for this – but I'm not. I can't even begin to concentrate." She moved up off the couch to stare out the window. Her mind had been spinning for hours. She needed time to think it all through. Now was a good time to try. Katrina thankfully, was sound asleep.
"I'm just so worried about him." She said with a sigh.
That fateful morning when Rafe had woken up with that nightmare, he called Abby and Melissa and stayed at home – walking around in a daze, jumping up whenever she or Kate made the slightest noise. For the past two nights she knew he hadn't slept. Every time they went to bed, he would just hold her almost too tightly until she fell asleep. When she woke in the morning he was always already dressed for the day and sitting beside her, watching her sleep.
He looked just awful and she was sure he must feel awful. He was a complete and total wreck.
Though he held her at night, during the day Rafe had barely touched her at all since that morning. It was like he was afraid she might break if he got too close.
In all their time together, despite all they had been through, Alison never, ever had seen him like this and the absolute worst thing of all was – she didn't know how to even begin to help him. Every time she tried, he told her that he didn't want to talk. Every day- he didn't want to leave her or Katrina alone for even a half a second.
When she was with him she willed herself not to cry – but now – safe at home, alone with Abby – she let it all go.
"Abby...." She whispered through her tears. "Can you tell me? Can you see when Caleb's going to get here – because I can't watch him in pain like this for much longer. It's killing me."
Abby wished, with all her heart she had a different answer. As much as she wanted to, she simply couldn't give her sister the solace she so desperately needed. "He might be here already – I would tell you – I would but I just don't know."
Alison shook her head and sighed again, heavier this time. The cracks in her heart grew wider with each word she spoke. "He never gets a break – you know? Not ever. All he's had to do his whole life was fight." She lifted her hand and tried to wipe the tears off her cheeks. Instead of stopping, they fell faster. "Why can't they just let him be happy? He's the most selfless person I've ever known - Abby. He deserves it - more than anyone else in the world."
"I know." Abby said softly.
"He's scared. I think that's what's worrying me most of all – Abby – he's terrified. Rafe doesn't get scared – not easily anyway. The worst is that he won't talk to me about that dream he had. He just says that Caleb told him I was gone and that while he did he'd held Katrina. I can see why that would upset him – but there's got to be something else going on. Abby - I need to find out what it is so I can help him."
Abby just sat silently and listened. It seemed what Alison needed most of all was to talk.
"We can't live like this – Abby. I can't have everyone disrupting their lives to protect me. I want to be able to raise my children in this house – I want to feel safe here while I do it. I don't want to have to hide out in your apartment while Rafe works nor have people constantly over here to sit with me during the day." Alison's voice shook with frustration.
It was no use. Alison tried to keep her composure but as she spoke, she started to cry harder. "Rafe and I – neither one of us had a childhood where we felt safe and loved. We were both so lonely. Both of us had to rely on ourselves – because our parents were – for very different reasons - unable to care for us the way they should have. We promised each other that when we had our own family we'd do it the right way."
Abby came over to her and pulled her close, running a hand over her sister's hair to try and soothe her.
"I have to help him – Abby. Until I do – we'll never be able to have that."
*********************
Rafe knew he should be working. He had a business to run. Luckily, Melissa was a godsend – always ready and willing to pitch in.
He had spent the last few hours searching – running to every conceivable place he thought Caleb might be.
After scouring the town, he finally ended up at The Overlook. As he stopped to catch his breath he was taken back in time. He saw it all unfold. He remembered how he was unsure of whether or not Caleb would be the only casualty that night. He remembered how scared he was that he'd be gone – torn away from Alison once again.
That night they had come so close. After Lucy took that shot, Caleb was gone and he was still here. It lasted for so short a time and if it weren't for Tess....
His pulse racing at the memory, Rafe picked up a rock and threw it, listening to the sound of it bounce against the trunk of a tree. It didn't make him feel at all better.
He wanted someone to explain it to him – because he just didn't get it. This stupid balance of good and evil. What kind of sick, twisted master plan was this? He and Caleb – tied for eternity?
Rafe clenched his fists tighter and yelled out into the night. "How is this fair!?!"
Alison was going to get worried, or more worried than she already was if he didn't come home soon. The last thing he wanted to do is upset her more than he had the other day.
He was at his wits end. He didn't know where else to turn. There was one last thing he could do and he knew he had to try.
"Dad." Rafe said as he exhaled sharply. He leaned against the wall and stared up at the stars. "I need you to tell me how to handle this because – I can't even think straight anymore. I have to know before I make myself crazy. Please, please - tell me they won't take her from me. OK? Please. Just tell me it's not possible because – I can't – I - how could I possibly do it? How could I go on without her? If something happened to Alison – how in hell could I ever look into that sweet little girl's eyes and tell her I failed? How would Kate ever be able to feel safe herself knowing I couldn't save her mother?"
Rafe's voice was full of anguish and his eyes stinging with unshed tears as his back slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground. He shifted his knees up and folded his arms, resting his head there.
He sat that way for what seemed like hours until a voice came out of the shadows. "You were bound and determined to get me down here now weren't you?"
Rafe's head shot up in an instant. "Dad?"
Ed stared at his son with a hint of a smile. He tried his best to look stern. "You look like hell – kid – not that I've been there lately."
"Dad!" Rafe said again as he ran towards his father, pulling him close.
"Easy. It's alright." Ed tried to reassure him as he eased away to get a good look at his son. He wasn't kidding. He'd never seen him so completely undone. "I've got a little time. I'm not going anywhere too soon."
Rafe couldn't believe Ed was right there sitting next to him. His voice was full of awe. "I didn't think I'd see you again for a while."
Ed shook a finger at him. "And you won't after this – but at the rate you're going lately you'll be back up in no time."
He wanted to be tough, but just the mere thought of his son having his life cut short once again had his tough exterior melting. "Tell me kid. How's my beautiful grandbaby?"
Rafe fought to keep his voice steady – not knowing for how long what he said would be true. "Kate – Oh, Dad – you can't believe it. I wish you could see her. She's the most amazing thing in the world."
Ed's voice was full of pride. "I don't doubt it. And don't you worry. I've seen her. I've peeked in a time or two. She's a stunner that one, looks just like my gorgeous daughter in law. How is Blondie by the way?"
"She's...." Rafe trailed off, not quite sure how he could say she's fine – knowing she might not be.
Ed held up a hand, his voice clearly showing his patience was wearing thin. "You don't have to tell me, because I know. She's a bundle of nerves and about to crack, because you are determined to destroy yourself."
"What?" Rafe asked trying to sound confused. He knew there was truth to Ed's words.
"Don't give me - what? You did that all the time when I had you up with me. Feigning deafness whenever I said something you didn't quite like. You were always quick kid – but I'm far quicker."
"Ed." He tried to interject.
"NO. Listen to me son. I don't know what else I can do for you. They don't play fair down there and I've treaded on that fine line to pull off some really tough ones – but now it's up to you. Are you going to keep fighting this guy till he's the last one standing or are you going to finally do the smart thing and walk away."
"Walk away? From that monster?" Rafe couldn't believe his ears. "You know what? That's enough of this. Thanks for stopping by. It was nice catching up." He turned sharply and began to leave.
Ed sighed and suddenly appeared in front of his son, blocking his path. "Don't you dare try and dismiss me young man. And I'm not in the mood to play games. You may have gotten a second chance – I may have not been around while you were growing up but we established a long time ago that I'm your father. Like it or not – you got me down here – and by golly you're going to listen to what I have to say. Now sit down." Ed gestured to a nearby rock.
"Dad." Rafe rolled his eyes exasperated.
His father glared back at him.
Hanging his head, Rafe shuffled his feet and went to do what he was told.
Finally satisfied that his pigheaded son was listening for a change, Ed began again.
"Watching him hurt you and your girl – back when you had that big wedding? That was tough – but I knew you two would get through it. When that crazy lunatic Temple thought that he could take her from you – I did what I could. I steered Abby towards you – and together you saved her." Ed smiled at the memory. That was one he was particularly proud of. "Of course, I had another one just like you banging down my door every five seconds trying to get back here – so – to help you and him too – I sent him to you too."
Ed sighed. "When you and Blondie finally tied the knot I wanted to give you a wedding gift. So – once I saw that whole mess going on with the ring I made that little bet and wiped the slate clean for all four of you. I gave you the opportunity you'd been hoping and praying for – and what thanks do I get? I get you – falling right back into their trap." Ed stared into his son's eyes "What am I going to do with you?"
"Dad. I appreciate all of that. I absolutely do. But you have to understand. I have to fight him."
"Why?" Ed asked.
"Because he's going to destroy us."
Ed sat down to face Rafe and almost yawned. "Really? How do you think he'll do that?"
Rafe thought for a second. "The same way he always does." He really couldn't believe Ed even had to ask. "You know how. By planting lies and manipulating everyone around us."
"And turn them?" Ed suggested.
"Exactly." Rafe agreed.
"And there's your problem. He's mortal – son. He can't turn anyone anymore."
Rafe just looked at his father and tried to find another argument.
"Is he dangerous? No question. Can he hurt you?" Ed asked. "Can he take away everything that's important to you? Sure he can – but only if you let him."
"So if we agree that he's capable – do you care to explain why can't I fight him?" Rafe was quickly losing patience. He jumped up and moved to stand directly in front of his father. "You can't be serious. Don't tell me no. There's no other solution. It's not just that I want to – it's that I have to do this. It's what I've trained my whole life to do."
Ed stood himself and placed his hands on Rafe's shoulders, staring directly into his son's eyes. "You trained to fight vampires, Rafe. I've heard you say it before but I know you. Deep down, you've never quite believed it. Trust me – kid. It's true. Slay all the vampires you want. Go to town. Good riddance. But you have to finally take a breath and realize – Caleb isn't one of them anymore."
Chapter Forty-six
"Alison?"
"Hmmm?" She replied, staring into space again.
Abby took her sister's hand and gave it a quick squeeze. She stopped chattering on about the bookstore and focused her energy on helping her sister. "Alison – maybe this isn't the best time to discuss this."
Alison finally began to focus. "I'm sorry, Abby. I know I said I was up for this – but I'm not. I can't even begin to concentrate." She moved up off the couch to stare out the window. Her mind had been spinning for hours. She needed time to think it all through. Now was a good time to try. Katrina thankfully, was sound asleep.
"I'm just so worried about him." She said with a sigh.
That fateful morning when Rafe had woken up with that nightmare, he called Abby and Melissa and stayed at home – walking around in a daze, jumping up whenever she or Kate made the slightest noise. For the past two nights she knew he hadn't slept. Every time they went to bed, he would just hold her almost too tightly until she fell asleep. When she woke in the morning he was always already dressed for the day and sitting beside her, watching her sleep.
He looked just awful and she was sure he must feel awful. He was a complete and total wreck.
Though he held her at night, during the day Rafe had barely touched her at all since that morning. It was like he was afraid she might break if he got too close.
In all their time together, despite all they had been through, Alison never, ever had seen him like this and the absolute worst thing of all was – she didn't know how to even begin to help him. Every time she tried, he told her that he didn't want to talk. Every day- he didn't want to leave her or Katrina alone for even a half a second.
When she was with him she willed herself not to cry – but now – safe at home, alone with Abby – she let it all go.
"Abby...." She whispered through her tears. "Can you tell me? Can you see when Caleb's going to get here – because I can't watch him in pain like this for much longer. It's killing me."
Abby wished, with all her heart she had a different answer. As much as she wanted to, she simply couldn't give her sister the solace she so desperately needed. "He might be here already – I would tell you – I would but I just don't know."
Alison shook her head and sighed again, heavier this time. The cracks in her heart grew wider with each word she spoke. "He never gets a break – you know? Not ever. All he's had to do his whole life was fight." She lifted her hand and tried to wipe the tears off her cheeks. Instead of stopping, they fell faster. "Why can't they just let him be happy? He's the most selfless person I've ever known - Abby. He deserves it - more than anyone else in the world."
"I know." Abby said softly.
"He's scared. I think that's what's worrying me most of all – Abby – he's terrified. Rafe doesn't get scared – not easily anyway. The worst is that he won't talk to me about that dream he had. He just says that Caleb told him I was gone and that while he did he'd held Katrina. I can see why that would upset him – but there's got to be something else going on. Abby - I need to find out what it is so I can help him."
Abby just sat silently and listened. It seemed what Alison needed most of all was to talk.
"We can't live like this – Abby. I can't have everyone disrupting their lives to protect me. I want to be able to raise my children in this house – I want to feel safe here while I do it. I don't want to have to hide out in your apartment while Rafe works nor have people constantly over here to sit with me during the day." Alison's voice shook with frustration.
It was no use. Alison tried to keep her composure but as she spoke, she started to cry harder. "Rafe and I – neither one of us had a childhood where we felt safe and loved. We were both so lonely. Both of us had to rely on ourselves – because our parents were – for very different reasons - unable to care for us the way they should have. We promised each other that when we had our own family we'd do it the right way."
Abby came over to her and pulled her close, running a hand over her sister's hair to try and soothe her.
"I have to help him – Abby. Until I do – we'll never be able to have that."
*********************
Rafe knew he should be working. He had a business to run. Luckily, Melissa was a godsend – always ready and willing to pitch in.
He had spent the last few hours searching – running to every conceivable place he thought Caleb might be.
After scouring the town, he finally ended up at The Overlook. As he stopped to catch his breath he was taken back in time. He saw it all unfold. He remembered how he was unsure of whether or not Caleb would be the only casualty that night. He remembered how scared he was that he'd be gone – torn away from Alison once again.
That night they had come so close. After Lucy took that shot, Caleb was gone and he was still here. It lasted for so short a time and if it weren't for Tess....
His pulse racing at the memory, Rafe picked up a rock and threw it, listening to the sound of it bounce against the trunk of a tree. It didn't make him feel at all better.
He wanted someone to explain it to him – because he just didn't get it. This stupid balance of good and evil. What kind of sick, twisted master plan was this? He and Caleb – tied for eternity?
Rafe clenched his fists tighter and yelled out into the night. "How is this fair!?!"
Alison was going to get worried, or more worried than she already was if he didn't come home soon. The last thing he wanted to do is upset her more than he had the other day.
He was at his wits end. He didn't know where else to turn. There was one last thing he could do and he knew he had to try.
"Dad." Rafe said as he exhaled sharply. He leaned against the wall and stared up at the stars. "I need you to tell me how to handle this because – I can't even think straight anymore. I have to know before I make myself crazy. Please, please - tell me they won't take her from me. OK? Please. Just tell me it's not possible because – I can't – I - how could I possibly do it? How could I go on without her? If something happened to Alison – how in hell could I ever look into that sweet little girl's eyes and tell her I failed? How would Kate ever be able to feel safe herself knowing I couldn't save her mother?"
Rafe's voice was full of anguish and his eyes stinging with unshed tears as his back slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground. He shifted his knees up and folded his arms, resting his head there.
He sat that way for what seemed like hours until a voice came out of the shadows. "You were bound and determined to get me down here now weren't you?"
Rafe's head shot up in an instant. "Dad?"
Ed stared at his son with a hint of a smile. He tried his best to look stern. "You look like hell – kid – not that I've been there lately."
"Dad!" Rafe said again as he ran towards his father, pulling him close.
"Easy. It's alright." Ed tried to reassure him as he eased away to get a good look at his son. He wasn't kidding. He'd never seen him so completely undone. "I've got a little time. I'm not going anywhere too soon."
Rafe couldn't believe Ed was right there sitting next to him. His voice was full of awe. "I didn't think I'd see you again for a while."
Ed shook a finger at him. "And you won't after this – but at the rate you're going lately you'll be back up in no time."
He wanted to be tough, but just the mere thought of his son having his life cut short once again had his tough exterior melting. "Tell me kid. How's my beautiful grandbaby?"
Rafe fought to keep his voice steady – not knowing for how long what he said would be true. "Kate – Oh, Dad – you can't believe it. I wish you could see her. She's the most amazing thing in the world."
Ed's voice was full of pride. "I don't doubt it. And don't you worry. I've seen her. I've peeked in a time or two. She's a stunner that one, looks just like my gorgeous daughter in law. How is Blondie by the way?"
"She's...." Rafe trailed off, not quite sure how he could say she's fine – knowing she might not be.
Ed held up a hand, his voice clearly showing his patience was wearing thin. "You don't have to tell me, because I know. She's a bundle of nerves and about to crack, because you are determined to destroy yourself."
"What?" Rafe asked trying to sound confused. He knew there was truth to Ed's words.
"Don't give me - what? You did that all the time when I had you up with me. Feigning deafness whenever I said something you didn't quite like. You were always quick kid – but I'm far quicker."
"Ed." He tried to interject.
"NO. Listen to me son. I don't know what else I can do for you. They don't play fair down there and I've treaded on that fine line to pull off some really tough ones – but now it's up to you. Are you going to keep fighting this guy till he's the last one standing or are you going to finally do the smart thing and walk away."
"Walk away? From that monster?" Rafe couldn't believe his ears. "You know what? That's enough of this. Thanks for stopping by. It was nice catching up." He turned sharply and began to leave.
Ed sighed and suddenly appeared in front of his son, blocking his path. "Don't you dare try and dismiss me young man. And I'm not in the mood to play games. You may have gotten a second chance – I may have not been around while you were growing up but we established a long time ago that I'm your father. Like it or not – you got me down here – and by golly you're going to listen to what I have to say. Now sit down." Ed gestured to a nearby rock.
"Dad." Rafe rolled his eyes exasperated.
His father glared back at him.
Hanging his head, Rafe shuffled his feet and went to do what he was told.
Finally satisfied that his pigheaded son was listening for a change, Ed began again.
"Watching him hurt you and your girl – back when you had that big wedding? That was tough – but I knew you two would get through it. When that crazy lunatic Temple thought that he could take her from you – I did what I could. I steered Abby towards you – and together you saved her." Ed smiled at the memory. That was one he was particularly proud of. "Of course, I had another one just like you banging down my door every five seconds trying to get back here – so – to help you and him too – I sent him to you too."
Ed sighed. "When you and Blondie finally tied the knot I wanted to give you a wedding gift. So – once I saw that whole mess going on with the ring I made that little bet and wiped the slate clean for all four of you. I gave you the opportunity you'd been hoping and praying for – and what thanks do I get? I get you – falling right back into their trap." Ed stared into his son's eyes "What am I going to do with you?"
"Dad. I appreciate all of that. I absolutely do. But you have to understand. I have to fight him."
"Why?" Ed asked.
"Because he's going to destroy us."
Ed sat down to face Rafe and almost yawned. "Really? How do you think he'll do that?"
Rafe thought for a second. "The same way he always does." He really couldn't believe Ed even had to ask. "You know how. By planting lies and manipulating everyone around us."
"And turn them?" Ed suggested.
"Exactly." Rafe agreed.
"And there's your problem. He's mortal – son. He can't turn anyone anymore."
Rafe just looked at his father and tried to find another argument.
"Is he dangerous? No question. Can he hurt you?" Ed asked. "Can he take away everything that's important to you? Sure he can – but only if you let him."
"So if we agree that he's capable – do you care to explain why can't I fight him?" Rafe was quickly losing patience. He jumped up and moved to stand directly in front of his father. "You can't be serious. Don't tell me no. There's no other solution. It's not just that I want to – it's that I have to do this. It's what I've trained my whole life to do."
Ed stood himself and placed his hands on Rafe's shoulders, staring directly into his son's eyes. "You trained to fight vampires, Rafe. I've heard you say it before but I know you. Deep down, you've never quite believed it. Trust me – kid. It's true. Slay all the vampires you want. Go to town. Good riddance. But you have to finally take a breath and realize – Caleb isn't one of them anymore."
