A/N: Wahhh……I wonder what's gonna happen next!  Keep reading as things start getting mixed up and people start getting mixed up :( :(  R/R!

Disclaimer: Read previous chapters…

MEMORIES

CHAPTER 13: Back to Your Heart

Written by ByeByeBirdie (formally known as Foxy) 

            Savannah shut her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath to keep the tears from coming.  She thought about it and she should have realized that one day or another, Sirius Black was going to hurt her for a sixth time, she just refused to listen to that voice in the back of head…until now.  So instead of being angry…she was just upset.

            ……Upset that she didn't listen to that voice sooner.

            Savannah looked up and caught Sirius' eye, and he pleaded to her with his eyes, stepping out of Georgette's grasp and coming her way. Savannah wasn't sure what to do at this point.  So as he walked towards her, Savannah abruptly stood up and walked the other way, out of the Great Hall, out into the courtyard under her favorite willow tree by the lake where she sat hugging her knees.

            Besides Lily who was standing there, Remus, Kaitlynne, Allie, Josh, Peter, and Daniel had all witnessed the kiss between Sirius and Georgette.  And not just them, but Snape, Malfoy, and everyone on the dance floor witnessed it as well.  And the professors all witnessed it and even some of the house elves witnessed it!!  And if no one saw it, then they knew about it about five seconds later as everyone was whispering to each other furiously about that kiss. 

            Sirius sighed, knowing that kissing Georgette was the dumbest thing he's ever done…and he's done some pretty dumb things. Lily stood there glaring at Sirius, who felt the same way that Lily described.  This was the stupidest thing he's ever done.  He finally got what he wanted—Savannah—and now, he just ruined it through a little thing called JEALOUSY!

            Sirius walked towards Lily who pursed her lips angrily out at him.  He plopped into the seat next to her and put his head into his hands.  "I messed up, didn't I…"

            "Oh, big time," she commented, with a smirk on her face.  "Why are guys always jealous of us hanging out with other guys?  Can't we have guy friends!?"

            "Huh?  What would you know about that??  Why do you care anyway?  Wait…what are you talking about?" Sirius asked, confused.

            "Because it's what happened between James and me," she muttered. 

            "WHAT!?"

            "Yeah, I was hanging out with Andy's friends, trying to forget about James, and he accused me of cheating on him!"

            "But…that's just…well…I don't know…you…" Sirius sighed.  "Wow, guys are pathetic."

            "Oh, definitely.  But I guess you would know."

            "I messed up worst than I thought."

            Lily nodded with a smirk.  "And I'm not sure why you're sitting here when Savannah's outside."

            He sighed, and looked at Lily, knowing that she was somewhat upset with him at that point.

            "Sirius, it wouldn't be that bad but you're always the culprit...and she's always the victim.  She's the one who's always getting hurt.  She's probably not going to trust you again, Sirius, so if I were you, I'd get out there right now before she hates you even more."

            Sirius sighed, knowing Lily was right.  "Okay."  And he headed outside where he saw Savannah hunched over on the other side of the lake.

            Savannah heard footsteps behind her and knew right away who it was. "Leave me alone, Sirius."

            "Savannah, let me explain," he said softly.  They both knew it wasn't good when they were back on their real names.

It's not that I can't live without you

It's just that I don't want to try

Ever night I'll dream about you

From the first day we say good-bye

If I wasn't such a fool

Right now I'd be holding you

There's nothing that I wouldn't do

Baby if I only knew

            "Why?  So I can sit here and pretend I'm doing fine when the both of us know that this is killing me inside?"

            "Don't pretend to do anything.  Let me just tell you what I need to tell you."

            She refused to let him say anything, so she stepped in herself.  "Sirius, I'm not mad…well, I'm not mad right now, at least.  I'm just upset.  You've hurt me so many times before and I should have realized it was going to happen again.  I think I was prepared for this…I just didn't want it to happen.  I thought you changed, Sirius…" 

            "Savannah, you have every right to be mad and upset with me," he said, taking them both by surprise.  "I did a stupid thing and I shouldn't have done it.  I was just being pathetically stupid.  I wasn't thinking.  I'm not going to yell at you to forgive me, because I know I wouldn't forgive me if you kissed another guy.  I'm going to walk back inside as if nothing happened…even though I lost the one girl that means the most to me," he explained.

            "I trusted you this time…and it backfired."

            He sighed.  "I know, and I don't plan on you trusting me ever again."

            "I hope you wouldn't."

            "I only have one more thing to say, Savannah, and you've never known this, but…I love you, Savannah Turner.  I always have and I always will."

            Savannah gasped a little.  They had never said that to each other, and it meant a lot to her.  She realized that she hadn't been wasting her time with Sirius all these years.  Unfortunately it just wasn't enough.  If he loved her that much he wouldn't have kissed another girl to try and prove a stupid point…that ended up not being proven at all.

            By now the tears were streaking down her cheeks…not of sorrow exactly; but not of happiness either.  "Sirius, I wish I could agree with you but right now…it's just not enough," she whispered back, sniffling.  "I can't deal with this anymore…I hate this…"    

The words to say

The road to take

To find a way back to your heart

What can I do

To get to you

And find a way back to your heart

            "I know," he said, turning around to walk back inside, but half-turned around when he walked a little ways.  "Savannah, don't hate me.  I wouldn't be able to deal with that.  I know you don't forgive me for hurting you five times in my lifetime, and in fact I don't forgive myself, but I can't deal with you hating me."

            "Sirius, I don't hate you…and I never will," she responded. 

            He smiled, unbeknownst to Savannah.  "Thank you."

            "I just hate this situation…"

             "I know…" 

            He was going to turn around, but found that he couldn't.  Instead, he couldn't help but stare at her, hugging her knees, and staring into the lake.  He messed up…he messed up big-time, and he didn't know how to fix it.  All he could do was stare at her from afar……

            Savannah took a deep breath in and just sniffled a few times before saying, "What did I ever do to deserve this?" she barely whispered.

            Sirius sighed, a single tear rolling down his cheek, as he abruptly turned to walk back into the Great Hall, suddenly realizing he had just lost the best thing that had ever happened to him.  Nothing, he thought to himself.  You don't deserve this…and you don't deserve me…

I don't know how it got so crazy

But I'll do anything to set things right

'Cuz your love is so amazing

Baby, you're the best thing in my life

Let me prove my love is real

And made you feel the way I feel

I promise I would give the world

If only you would tell me, girl

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

            James saw Sirius ahead of him walking into the Great Hall and called after him.  "Sirius!  Sirius, wait up!"

            Sirius turned around, still with a glum face. 

            "Wow, who died?"

            Sirius looked at him strangely.  He'd think that James would have heard about the kiss and the argument before.  Sirius just sighed.  "I did a stupid thing."

            "Don't you always," James joked.

            Sirius didn't even show any sign of a grin on his face.  "No, this was beyond stupidity.  This was like… 'Throw me into a pit of fire I should be dead' kind of thing.  Or a 'Kill me, I'm Stupid' kind of thing.  Or even a 'Why did God wake up this morning and decide to ruin my life' kind of thing.  You know it even could fit into a 'Where's Voldemort at a time you need him' category!!"

            "That bad?"

            "This belongs in the 'Stupid Things Sirius Black Has Done and Will Completely Be Oblivious To for The Rest Of His Life' Hall Of Fame."

            "You mean, you think you can top cheating on Savannah with Campbell Sparks?"

            "Oooh, worse that that."

            "Oh, God.  What happened?"

            "I kissed Georgette…right in front of Savannah."

            James gasped…and slapped Sirius in the back of the head.

            "OW!"

            "Sirius, what the hell did you do that for, you idiot!?"

            "Good question," Sirius, said, still massaging the back of his bruised head.  "I was trying to prove her wrong…instead I just proved her right.  And not in a good way."

            "Yeah, no shit 'not in a good way!'" James cried.

            "Ugh, don't you be mad at me either."

            "I'm not mad…just confused.  I mean…why?  Why would you do it?"

            "Because I was jealous she was hanging out with that loser, Daniel all night, and ignoring me."

            "Oh…yeah, she did spend a lot of time with him tonight."

            "Yes, I know!!  And know she hates me…actually, she doesn't hate me, but she's not too fond of me now."

            "Truthfully…I'm not too fond of you right now."

            "Yeah, Lily's the same way."

            James nodded, not wanting to talk about her…realizing that their break-up started with jealousy, but he didn't mention it.

            "But I guess I can understand that," Sirius commented.  "She's had a lot of problems in the field of jealousy," Sirius continued, staring at James coldheartedly, his frown getting worse.

            "What are you talking about?"

            "Does being really jealous of Lily hanging out with a bunch of guys in California ring a bell?" James jaw dropped.

            "You know about that?" James asked.

            "Lily told me before," Sirius said. James sighed.

            "Alright so I was jealous and got upset before I realized what I was saying. I definitely should have told you about that before you went and did the same with Savannah," James clarified. "Although knowing you, it wouldn't have mattered."

            "What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

            "Oh c'mon Si! You're stubborn and you're the jealous type," James explained. "But kissing another girl in front of her? How could you be stupid enough to do that?"

            "I was angry that she wasn't hanging out with me!" Sirius said. "I do dumb things when I'm upset…and when it comes to relationships…and when it's with Savannah it's just so much harder."

            "Relationships are hard," James said.

            "Oh what do you know? I don't see you going out with Lily," Sirius said. "In fact I hear she's still mad at you."

            "I know! But I wasn't as bad as you," James said.  "Especially considering I haven't hurt her six times!"

            "Oh don't you dare br-" Sirius started but stopped himself. "Look, I'm already in a fight with like everyone else I know; please don't start with me."

            "I know, I know. But look I'm not fond of what you did okay? Let's get that straight."

            "I'm not even fond of it so I doubt that you are fond with it," Sirius said. James smiled.

            "Okay, try to have fun the rest of the evening," James said. Sirius snorted.

            "Yeah like that's gonna happen," Sirius said sarcastically.

            "Just try," James said and walked away.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

            He definitely didn't have fun that evening…which may have something to do with the fact that he didn't even try to have fun.  He sighed for the zillionth time that night as he saw Savannah on the other side of the room throw her head back and laugh.  At least she was back to normal.

            "Hi," someone said from behind Lily.

            She turned around and saw James standing there.  She barely smiled at him, before turning back to looking at Sirius, who was watching Savannah, who was watching Daniel.

            "Lily, do you think they're going to get through this?  Or are they going to be their stubborn selves and pretend like the other is Snape?"

            Lily sighed, and turned back to James.  "I don't know. Nothing makes sense to me anymore.  Especially with them."

            "Well he cheated on her in their past relationships and they've made it through," James clarified.

            "Yeah, but I'm not so sure this time."

            "I know what you mean."

            "I mean, he kissed another girl right in front of her!" Lily said. "God, I can't believe he would do that."

            "Hey, you can't blame it all on him. It takes two to break off a relationship."

            "Yeah, him and the dumb blonde, Georgette!" Lily defended.

            "Sirius is the jealous-type and we both know that…"

            "But you would know all about jealousy," Lily grumbled angrily.

            "What are you talking about?"

            "Well I think you are the one that ruined our relationship, Mr. Jealous."

            "That's not true!!  I didn't want us to break-up!!"

            "Oh, right, and I did??"

            "You're the one who broke it off."

            "Yes because my boyfriend, who I've known for about twelve years, didn't trust me!!  Knowing that you thought I wasn't being honest hurt me more than anything, James!  Why the hell would I want to cheat on you!?!?  I was in love with you, you goddamn jerk!!"

            James looked over at her angered face and replied calmly, "Are you still?"

            Lily wasn't expecting that and she abruptly picked her head up from her looking at the floor.  "What does it matter??"

            "I just want to know."

            Lily sighed and looked him directly in the eye.  "I don't know," she said breathlessly.

            James looked up, trying not to feel the rip of his heart breaking in two inside of his body.  "Oh."

            "It's been over a year, James," she said calmly.  "You haven't even tried to talk to me about it or anything."

            "I have too tried," James said. "And I'm trying right now. I'm trying to get us to talk about it."

            "Us? There is no us, James," Lily exclaimed and stormed off. James just stood there stunned for a second.

            Why the hell do I care about what she thinks?  She's out of my life now.  I shouldn't even think about it, James thought.  Unfortunately, the one girl who shouldn't matter…matters the most.

She's out of my life

I don't know whether to laugh or cry

I don't know whether to live or die

And it cuts like a knife

She's out of my life

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

            "So are any of our friends getting along tonight?" Kaitlynne asked Remus as she leaned against his chest after watching Lily and James's argument.

            "You and I are," Remus said with a grin. Kaitlynne laughed and kissed him lightly.

            "Well that's obvious," she said and Remus smiled widely.

            "Peter's getting along fine with everyone but he's annoyed that Sirius isn't in a good mood…as we all are, but it's understandable," Remus said.

            "And Sirius and James are always best friends, nothing can ruin that, right?"

            "Well James did get kind of mad at him when Sirius told him all the idiot things he had done in the last few hours but then he was defending Sirius when he was over there with Lily so they're fine…like usual," Remus said. Kaitlynne sighed.

            "When did things get so complicated?" she wondered.

            "When Savannah and Sirius decided to date for the hundredth time…or maybe when Lily moved half-way across the world…or maybe when Sirius did yet again a dumb thing," Remus said with a smile. Kaitlynne smiled back at him and Remus tightened his grip around her.

            "You don't think…you don't want…are we going…" Kaitlynne tried saying but her face became red with embarrassment and she stopped. Remus didn't say anything waiting for her to continue but she didn't.

            "What…" Remus said.  "Continue."

            "I was just gonna ask if you think we'll ever be like them," Kaitlynne said the red tint still in her face.

            "What do you mean…" Remus asked slowly.

            "We won't break up horribly and fight like Sirius and Savannah or get really jealous and yell at each other like James and Lily…will we?" she asked. Remus turned her around so she was looking at him and held her hands very tight.

            "I don't think we have anything to worry about Kate," Remus started. "I love you sooo much and I would die for you. I'm not stupid enough to be jealous like my two best friends. You have always known that I was quiet and different from Sirius and James." Kaitlynne said.

            "I don't have to worry at all when to comes to you," Kaitlynne said with a sweet smile. Remus kissed her and then led her out onto the dance floor.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

            "Ugh," Sirius groaned.

            "What is it Padfoot?" Peter asked.

            "They make me sick," Sirius said.

            "Uh…who does?" Peter asked.

            "Kaitlynne and Remus," Sirius said and both Peter and Sirius laughed a little.

            "They have it perfect, I have to admit," Peter said.

            "Yeah they're so lucky," Sirius said with a sigh.

            James walked over to Sirius and Peter with a sullen look on her face.  "Don't they make you sick?" James asked, referring to the same two people.  Sirius and Peter laughed.

            "Sirius just said that," Peter said.

            "They have it so perfect," James said.

            "And Peter just said that," Sirius said.

            "I'm so jealous of them," James said.

            "Ugh, don't say the word jealous," Sirius said. They were silent for a few seconds.

            "We'll find that, right?" James asked his friends.

            "Of course we will," Peter said, not too sure.

            "Hey don't look at me, I had that," Sirius said with a sigh.

            "Yeah well I had it a year and a half ago," James said with another sigh.

            "Why'd you two give it up?" Peter asked.

            "Because I was stupid," they both answered instantly.

            "Admitting is the first step," Peter said.

            "Oh shut up," they said with a laugh and Peter joined them, laughing nervously.

So what's the glory in living?

Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore?

And if love never lasts forever

Tell me, what's forever for

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

            "We will never be the eight best friends again will we?" Allie mumbled to herself, looking around at all the tension going on in the room and how her oldest friends have been causing it all. 

            "I doubt it," a voice said coming up from behind making Allie jump.

            "Oh hey Lily," Allie said and then sighed. "I really thought that when we were all out that night at that restaurant it was truly going to be like Hogwarts. The eight of us together again hanging out, getting into trouble, annoying the people around us. Like the good 'ol days."

            "It was," Lily defended.

            "Not anymore," Allie sighed.

            "You're right…it doesn't seem as if that will ever happen again," Lily finished for her, with a heavy sigh. "Sirius and Savannah aren't really mad at each other, just kind of upset and Savannah is getting close to Daniel. I don't even know what I think about James but whenever I get around him I become angry and frustrated again. Kaitlynne and Remus might start a whole new life without us because they're getting married, but who knows. Peter has been so distant it's hard to believe he's even alive anymore. And you're married to Josh and your life has changed."

            "But I don't think any of us have changed," Allie said. "We all still have the goofy, wild, outgoing, spontaneous teenager inside of us and I think that won't change."

            "But it seems as if we won't be goofy, wild, and outgoing together," Lily said.

            "Exactly," Allie said. "My life with Josh is amazing but I can't help wanting my Hogwarts years back...even if I did hate Josh. It's like instead of a Hogwarts Reunion we need a Marauder and Honorary Marauders Reunion."

            "But is that a good idea?" Lily asked.

            "There's only one way to find out…" Allie said with a shrug. Lily thought about that.

            "It can't hurt to try…right?" Lily said with a shrug, but somehow she was afraid that it would hurt someone or more than one person to try it.

            "That's it.  For Christmas, I am having a reunion when Josh goes off to Scotland to visit his parents.  I'll make you all come, and we are going to go to Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley and to the bars and to Karoake and to pool and to bowling and play Quidditch and watch movies and not get any sleep until we all burst because of all of the fun we have."

            Lily laughed, realizing how much she wanted to do that.  "I think we should do it.  It would be so much fun."

            "And you know what?  We can stay at my Aunt Kris's and Uncle Jackson's mansion for a week because she's going to my parents', also."

            "Their house is awesome!" Lily cried.

            "What's awesome?" a voice said from behind.

            They both turned around to find Kaitlynne and Remus standing there.  "I'm having a Marauder and Honorary Marauder reunion over Christmas and you both are coming," Allie demanded.

            "We don't get a choice?" Kaitlynne teased.

            "Nope!" she said.  "Hey, I'm planning this four months ahead of time.  Don't make any new plans!"

            They all laughed as someone asked, "New plans for what?"

            "Hey, Savannah.  I'm having a reunion at my aunt and uncle's mansion during Christmas week."

            "And all this time I thought that the next holiday was Halloween," she asked, and they all laughed.

            "Okay, what's so funny?" James asked, walking up to them.

            "Reunion.  Aunt and Uncle's mansion.  Christmas," she shortened.

            He laughed.  "Thinking ahead, are we?" he said, winking at her.  They all half-expected Sirius to jog over and ask what was going on but instead Dumbledore made an announcement, explaining that it was the last song and dance of the night so get on to the dance floor for "That's What Friends Are For" sung by Dionne Worwick, which was now put in the record player filling the speakers and the room with slow music.

            "Let's go dance, hon," Remus said to Kaitlynne who gratefully accepted.

            "I've got to go find Josh," Allie said, walking away.

            "Hey, Savannah, do you want to dance?" Daniel asked, coming up behind everyone.  She nodded, and walked on to the dance floor with him.

            And then there were two…plus a horrible, awkward silence.  Almost everyone in the room was on the dance floor with someone else, including all their friends since Sirius was now walking out with Avril Harper.  Sirius decided dancing with Georgette was a bad idea.  Lily knew it was bad when she looked over and even saw Snape and Malfoy dancing with two Slytherin girls!!!  There were only two other people off to the side.  A Hufflepuff guy who had a broken leg, therefore not wanting to dance.  And a Ravenclaw guy who had mono and no one was willing to go near.  And then there was Lily, a wildly fun and popular woman who was beautiful and smart and shouldn't be standing off to the side not dancing.  And then there was James, also wildly fun and definitely popular who was one of the most perfect bachelors there…and he was standing off to the side.

            "Lily?" James suddenly found the urge to say.

            Lily turned to him, knowing perfectly well what was coming next.  "Yeah?"

            "Do you want to dance?"

            Lily smiled and nodded.  "Gladly."

            So there they all stood all close to each other sending smiles each other's ways.  Remus and Kaitlynne, dancing rather close to each other; Allie and Josh, dancing very comfortably; Savannah and Daniel, dancing in a friend-type of way with Sirius shooting glares at them; Sirius and Avril, dancing somewhat awkwardly, but close enough to make Savannah a bit nervous; Lily and James, who refused to look at each other but were dancing like they've always done in the past; Peter and Georgette who were dancing rather far apart from each other, but dancing enough to be having a good time. 

            "This seems so…familiar," Lily whispered, not realizing she said it out loud.

            "This reminds me so much of the last dance from graduation," James whispered back.

            "'Friends Forever...the Graduation Song,'" Lily mumbled, talking about the song by Vitamin C.

            "Exactly."

            "Except we were both crying by the end and hugging each other close like we've never done before," she pointed out.

            "I could be crying now," he said bravely.

            "Huh?"

            "I lost my best friend, Lily because of a stupid thing," James said, talking about her.  "I never meant to hurt you in any way and I did a stupid thing.  But I don't want to lose our friendship because of it."

            Lily took a deep breath in.  "I don't want to lose you either," she said, surprising both of them.  "In fact, I want to be friends.  If not for us, then for the rest of our friends who know we're making excuses not to see each other.  I hated you for a while last year, I'll admit it, but I don't anymore.  I'm past that, and it would be nice to see your face more often than once a year."

            "I was hoping you'd say that," he commented, giving her a short hug.  It definitely felt good to be back to where it all began, and they both knew that if they couldn't be dating…friends was better than nothing.  

Keep smiling; keep shining

Know that you can always count on me for sure

That's what friends are for

For good times and bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for

A/N: L poor Sirius and Savannah…but yay for James and Lily!  Next chapter gets a little hot and heavy…coughcough…a bit sad, if you ask me.  I wonder what is gonna happen!?   I'll keep updating if you keep reading and reviewing!!

Oh, those songs: "Back to Your Heart" by 98 degrees

"She's Out of My Life" by 98 degrees

"What's Forever For" by Billy Gilman

 "That's What Friends are For" by Dionne Worwick

Oh, and there are a few subtle FRIENDS lines in there.  Does anyone see them!?  (or maybe I'm just a complete FRIENDS freak…)