A/N: Okay, I'm back!  This chapter is quite long…and very important to the plot.  WARNING: Tissues may be needed!!  Okay, I'm gonna make this short because I know you all just want to read: thanks to all my reviewers—you are the ones who keep me going!

Disclaimer: Read previous chapters…

MEMORIES

CHAPTER 18: Before We Say Good-bye

Written by Foxy 

            Lily stood there in shock for a few seconds before squealing.  "That's so great, Savannah!!"

            Savannah gave her a weak smile.

            "What?  What's wrong?" Lily asked, sensing her uncomfortableness

            "It's just that…it's Daniel."

            "What?  Oh, no, did he break up with you when you told him?  Did he refuse to have any part in this??" Lily cried angrily.

            "No, he was happy about it all!  He even suggested getting married."

            "You're getting married!?" Lily squealed again.

            "No, that's the thing.  I thought it was the right thing to do and I was going to accept…but it didn't feel right.  I love him, sure, but…"

            "You're not in love with him," Lily said, completely understanding.

            "Exactly," she said with a sigh.  "He's not the one I'm meant to be with.  I like Daniel a lot and now I feel an even stronger attachment to him, but…well, it's different.  I never expected that Daniel would be the one who I have a child with.  I never thought I'd end up with him."

            "I don't think you mean that."

            "Huh?  Of course I do," Savannah said, bewildered.

            "No, I think you just never expected that…well, that it wouldn't be Sirius," Lily finally pointed out.

            Savannah was going to object, until she realized Lily was right.  "Is that wrong to think that?  I mean, I broke up with him and now I'm thinking I should still be with him??  It seems kind-of selfish and shallow"

            Lily gave her a smile and a slight giggle.  "No, honey.  I've always thought that, too.  When you started dating Daniel, I figured it was just for…well, the sex, no offense.  Until I realized that you really did like him.  It just felt weird to be seeing you with someone other that Sirius."

            Savannah sighed.  "Everything's messed up."

            "No, it's not.  Everything's just beginning.  There's nothing to be messed up."

            "Yes there is.  I'm having a child with Daniel, a man I'm not in love with, and the man I think I'm still in love with is going to hate me when he finds out."

            "You have to tell him, you know."

            Savannah sighed.  "I know.  I'm scared, though.  Sirius is truly going to hate me forever and forever...in fact, I'd be quite surprised if he didn't just kill me the minute I told him."

            "He's not going to hate you and he's not going to kill you.  He'll just be a bit hurt.  He obviously sees himself with you, also."

            "I know…that's what hurts the most."

            "Don't think about it.  Think about your life ahead of you."

            "Well, now that you mention it, I'm…I'm also moving back to Canada with Daniel, because his firm is moving to northern Canada, which is great for me because my agency is in Canada."

            "So you're moving closer to here?" Lily squealed.  "That's great!"

            "It's great for you.  I don't think the rest of the group will see it your way," she smirked.

            Lily laughed.  "Okay, but why are you still here when you should be apparating to England right about now??"

            Savannah laughed.  "Thanks for being so supportive, Lily."

            "Anytime, honey."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

            Sirius barely sat down to his bowl of cereal when the doorbell rang.  He groaned, and trudged to the door in his boxers and hooded Godric's Hollow sweatshirt, still half-asleep.

            "Savannah?" he said with an obvious shocked expression on his face.

            "Hi."

            "Wh-what are you doing here?" Sirius stuttered.  The last person he expected to be at his door was Savannah...

            "I need to talk to you."

            "Uh-oh.  What happened?  Are you sick?  Are you dying? Boyfriend trouble?  Job issues?  Friend-"

            "Sirius!" Savannah said with a laugh.  "Let me talk."

            He grinned, and sat her down on the couch next to him.  "What's up?  And why are you here so early in the morning?"

            Savannah gave him a weak smile.  "There's no easy way to say this, Sirius, so I'm just going to come out and say it."  She paused.

            "Um…okay."

            "Sirius…I'm…I'm…uh…God, this is hard."

            "I thought you were going to come out and say it?" he teased.

            "Sirius, I'm…well, uh…I'm…"

            "Yeah…" he said, getting a little scared.

            "Uh…I'm…I-I'm pregnant," she said calmly and quietly.

            Sirius sat there staring at her, literally feeling as if his heart had just been ripped out.  He blinked slowly and tried to process what she had just told him.  The problem was…he didn't want to process it.  "Wh-what?" he finally said after being speechless.

            She didn't say anything back, and instead turned towards the floor.

            "Daniel, right?" he asked, when he finally had enough courage to speak.

            She nodded, as a lump formed in her throat.  "Yeah."

            "Are you getting married?" he asked, afraid of the answer.

            Savannah shook her head.  "No…I…I don't love him enough."

            "And yet you had sex and got pregnant…"

            "Sirius, don't make this any harder than it already is."

            "Savannah, what else am I supposed to say??" he cried, feeling the urge to cry, but he held it back.  "Oh, I'm so happy for you!  You're going to have a perfect lifetime with this child and Daniel!  I can't wait!!" he said sarcastically.

            "No, I don't expect you to say that, but I don't expect you to criticize me either," she said firmly.

            "I'm not criticizing you, Savannah.  I'm just…upset, I guess.  I mean, I never thought you'd be telling me you're pregnant…and not have me as the father."

            By now, Savannah was sobbing pretty hard, even as she tried to hold it off.  "I know.  I always thought it would be that way, too." 

            Sirius said nothing.

            "Sirius, I'm trying not to hurt you in any way."

            "I think it's too late for that."

            "I was afraid you'd say that."

            "Savannah, I never stopped loving you," he said calmly.  "That's why it hurts me so much to see you with Daniel.  And now you're pregnant with his child.  I think it hurts more than you actually think."

            "Sirius, I have something else to say, also, that you might not like.  But I have to tell you."

            "Oh, God," he muttered.  "I don't think I can take anymore…"

            "I'm moving to Canada."

            "What!?  But…but…I mean, you've already taken your love from me …and now you're taking yourself away, too!?"

            "I'm sorry.  But Daniel got relocated there, and I have to try and make this work between us."

            "But everything else is here!  Your friends, your family, your job!"

            "Sirius, do you really think I'm still going to be a singer on-stage while I'm a hundred pounds overweight because of a child inside of me?"

            Sirius was speechless.  "But…but you write song lyrics.  Doesn't that mean anything?"

            "Not much.  Besides, my agent is in Canada.  I can figure it out there. I'm not exactly worried about that now."

            "But…but you're so talented."

            "Thanks, but it's not enough."

            "Savannah, you have so much going for you!  Don't think that because of this child, you're career is going to end up like Steven Broson's!"

            "Who?"

            "The singer who committed suicide."

            "Oh, that makes me feel a lot better," she said sarcastically.

            "What I'm trying to say is that, you're an awesome girl and Daniel-" he said with a face, "-is lucky to have you.  You have your whole life ahead of you and don't think that this child is going to stop you.  You're an amazing woman and you can't just give up what you love at the drop of a hat.  I've always believed in you, Savannah."

            "Thanks, but I don't think one person believing in me is going to get me anywhere."

            "I've always believed in you, Savannah.  I've always loved you, as well.  Unfortunately, now those feelings are mixed up with a little pain and little suffering."

            Savannah looked up into Sirius' eyes.  "Sirius…I always thought you and I would end up together.  But now…I'm not so sure anymore."

            And Sirius' heart was once more ripped out and this time smeared all over the floor as if to brag about how heart-broken it was.  He looked down at the floor and shut his eyes tight. A few seconds later, he looked up at Savannah again and saw guilt and pain and hurt and anxiety and worry and uneasiness and everything rolled up into one.  "Why'd you tell me?"

            "Wh-what?"

            "I mean, why'd you come here and tell me if you know this was the way it was going to turn out?"

            "Because I felt as if I had to!  I broke us off for a stupid reason and now I see that dating Daniel was a pathetic thing to do with you still in the goddamned country and in my goddamned heart!"

            "What!?  But you broke up with me!"

            "Yeah, because I was mad at you!  Not because I stopped loving you!!" she cried, realizing too late what she had just said.

            "Wh-what?"

            "Uh…nothing."

            "You…you still love me?"

            "Yes…no…yes…maybe," she answered quickly.  "I don't know."

            "Yeah, well I know one thing," Sirius mumbled, before leaning in and kissing her hard on the mouth.  He brought his hands in her smooth, silky hair.  Savannah wrapped her arms around his neck and felt the heat intensify between them.  The kiss quickly turned into more than one special kiss.  It turned into a bunch of extraordinary passion that they've lost for seven months and have found it once again.  It was more than just fireworks exploding in the background.  It was a flood of firing sparks lighting up their affection and their desire for more.

            Eventually, Sirius pulled back as he held Savannah still in his arms.  They were both trembling with emotion and anxiety and they stared at each other with fear before Savannah turned away, feeling a little more than guilt as both of their lips trembled with love.

            "Savannah, stay," Sirius said quietly, still holding on to her arm.

            Savannah was tempted to take him up on that offer until she realized that maybe she'd be wasting her time staying in England.  She started this with Daniel…and she was going to finish it with Daniel.  She wasn't letting off anyone too easily and wasn't letting on anyone too abruptly.  She refused to make any bad decisions this time.

            "I-I can't, Sirius," she said softly, pulling back away from him, as another tears rolled down her cheek.

            "I know you want to," he said.

            "It doesn't matter what I want.  It's what I need."

            "You need Daniel?" Sirius asked with raised eyebrows.

            "I didn't say that," Savannah said quickly.

            "Then why are you following him to Canada."

            "Because he's the damn father of my damn child!"

            "Oh, you sound so thrilled about that," he responded sarcastically.

            "I don't care what you think or want, Sirius.  This is what needs to happen."

            Sirius sighed. "Savannah, you're not being fair to me or to Daniel."

            "Yes, I am.  You just don't want to think I'm being fair."

            "Savannah-"

            "I have to go," she said, jumping off the couch hastily.

            "No, please, Savannah," he begged, scrambling off the couch.  "No, don't end it here," Sirius said, not noticing the tears that were welling up inside his eyelids.

            "I-I have to."

            "Please, Savannah.  I'll do anything," Sirius pleaded, holding back the tears.

            Savannah turned away as the tears, once again, started falling down her face.  "No…no.  I can't.  I-I'm sorry."

            "If you were really sorry, you wouldn't be doing this," he begged, swallowing hard.

            "No…if I wasn't sorry, then I wouldn't be doing this.  I love you, Sirius," she whispered.

            "Savannah, I hate good-byes."

            "I know."

            "Savannah please. Just don't leave," Sirius begged.  "Stay here in England until you can figure everything out.  You can't just leave without knowing it's going to work out.  At least stay for longer than you expect—for both Daniel and myself."

            "I have to go…I…I have to.  I can't just stay for you, Sirius even if I want to," she said guiltily. 

            "So you're gonna leave forever? That's it?"

            "I…I have to," she repeated over and over.

            "No, you don't," Sirius pleaded, with a huge lump formed in his throat.  He could barely talk.  All that came out was a hoarse whisper.  The one thing that he's always wanted is now leaving him…for good.  Nothing seemed fair anymore.

            "Yes, I do.  I need to do this…"

            "No...no," Sirius murmured.

            Savannah tore her head away from the depressed Sirius and walked towards the door slowly and cautiously.

            "Fine, Savannah," Sirius said with hostility lingering in his voice.  "Don't be fair to me, or to Daniel, or even yourself. But if I can't have you now and I can't have you ever, I don't think I can deal with seeing you again…ever. Because I don't think I can handle that.  I can't deal with the thought of losing you. That would be too hard."

            "Sirius, you don't mean th-" Savannah started.

            "I do.  I hate feeling it, but I do. I mean it with all my heart. I've already been hurt and then you disappear for a while and show up with this news…I can't deal with this…you again. My life has been on hold ever since you started dating Daniel and now, I need to move on.  But with you in my life, I can't do that.  Just don't come back…do it for me.  Respect my wishes."

            "Sirius…" Savannah pleaded.

            "Listen, I know I've hurt you in the past before…but this is different, Savannah.  Because I love you, Savannah, more than anything.  I've always loved you and will always love you and not being able to be with you…tears me apart inside. It literally kills me…it hurts too much for words to express," he whispered.  "You complete me, Savannah Lydia Turner, but if I have to live with half of a heart for the rest of my life, so be it.  As long as I don't have the memory of you standing next to me, I'll be able to move on.  Do you remember back in Hogwarts when you asked me what I thought heaven would be like and I said that heaven would be like being with you all day?  Well, it hasn't changed.  That's still a part of me…you're still a part of me.  I knew that from the moment I met you that we'd be soul mates…unfortunately, things change.  People change……..you've changed.  And now—you're not mine anymore.  And I can't deal with it…and I just won't deal with it."

            "Please, Sirius…" Savannah begged, tears springing under her eyelids.

            "And if I can't have you now or at any time, I'm just going to say good-bye right now.  I can't deal with seeing you again before you leave.  It's just going to hurt even more, and I can't handle it…when it comes to you, I can't be strong."

            Savannah turned her eyes up towards his.  "I'm going to miss you so much.  Good-bye, Sirius," she whispered, barely audible as she turned herself around and descended down the steps where she apparated back to Daniel and her home, trying hard to concentrate..

            "Good-bye," he whispered, a little too softly, as a single tear rolled down his cheek, escaping towards his mouth, realizing this may be one of the last times he ever saw her.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

            There was another knock at Lily's door about two hours later.  She got up and already knew who it was.

            She opened the door and saw a soaking wet Sirius standing in front of her who obviously flew his broom to her house, too confused and mentally weak to apparate—there was no way he could have concentrated.  "I was waiting for you," Lily whispered, before Lily wrapped her arms around his waist and Sirius fell into her arms putting his head into her chest and soaking her shirt with tears more than Lily ever thought he could.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

"And you have to call and write us everyday," James said, giving Savannah hug.  Three days later, Savannah and Daniel were in front of their house, getting ready to ride to the airport to get on a plane to Canada.  They were all gathered there…well, everyone but Sirius, saying good-bye to them.

            "As long as you do the same," Savannah replied with a hint of disappointment in her voice.  She couldn't help but glance around every so often.  She knew that Sirius said he wasn't going to say good-bye again, but she was hoping he'd realize it was the wrong decision.

            "Everyday," Kaitlynne agreed.

            "Be careful of this one, Daniel.  She's a feisty one," Remus said with a wink towards Daniel, and they all laughed.

            "Ohhh, I hate good-byes!" Lily said with a groan.

            "Group hug!" Allie cried, and Allie, Savannah, Lily, Kaitlynne, Daniel, James, Peter, Remus, and Josh all huddled into a huge group hug to say one last good-bye.  Savannah couldn't help but think that there was someone missing from the group…

            Savannah took one small peek around her neighborhood and sighed before she piled into the car.  She thought that Sirius would learn that he was wrong…she hoped he was wrong.  But she suddenly just realized how much Sirius Black truly loved her.

            "BYE!" they all cried.  "Drive safely!  Have a good trip!" they all cried, as Daniel's car started driving out of sight.

            At the airport, they checked all their baggage, went through security and were sitting at their gate forty minutes before departure time.

            "I'm going to miss England," Savannah said with a weak smile.

            "I know.  It's going to be so different now," he agreed, taking her hand in his and giving her a quick peck on the cheek.  "But maybe Canada won't be so bad.  It can't be bad—we have each other and a baby on the way.""

            "I don't expect it to be bad.  It's just-" Savannah started, but stopped abruptly.

            "What's wrong?" Daniel asked, bewildered.

            "Um…I'll be right back."

            "Where are you going?" he asked.

            She stood up and looked at Daniel and paused before answering.  "To say one final good-bye."

Before we say good-bye

Before we turn and walk away

Let's give it one more try

Before we say good-bye

            She walked around the cluster of chairs in front of her and walked over to a pillar on the outside of her gate to where Sirius was leaning against it.  "Hey," she said.

            He took a deep breath in and hesitated before answering.  "Hey."

Before we close that door

Before we go our separate ways

Let's stop and find out why

Before we say good-bye

            "I thought you said it would be too hard to say good-bye," Savannah commented.

            "It is.  I wasn't planning on saying good-bye.  I just had to see you one last time."

We've been down this road before

And we've always made it through

Will we lose each other?

'Cause life's hard to handle without you

            "I never planned it on being like this, Sirius," Savannah whispered regretfully.

            Sirius nodded, a huge lump forming in his throat.  He could already feel himself choking back the tears.  "I-I know," he trembled.  "But that doesn't mean that I won't stop loving you…because I don't think I ever could."

            Savannah sucked in her breath, and had no idea what to say to that…so she didn't say anything.  Instead, she wrapped her arms around her neck and drew herself closer as she squeezed her eyes shut so that no tears would fall again.  Sirius was surprised, but he eventually wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed her closer.  There they stood as people yelled around them, children cried, the intercom buzzed, the stewardesses protested, the mothers scolded, the fathers chuckled, the children screamed, the luggage rumbled, people ate…and yet Sirius and Savannah were completely oblivious to all of that.

Before we lose this love

Before we throw it all away

Girl, my heart begins to die

Before we say good-bye      

            The only thing that mattered at that very moment was each other.  Unfortunately…they both knew it was a good-bye hug and that it may be their last.

            "I love you, Sirius…"

A/N:  Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!  Are the rest of you crying, too?  I had to grab a box of tissues when I read this—it was all too unbearable.  They belong together!!!!!!!  Wait—this is my story…I can do anything.  Kinda.  Some things just come to me that I can't ignore—including this heartbreak.  You'll just have to keep reading to figure out what happens between everyone. 

            ****Obvious FRIENDS quote!!  If you tell me what it is, I'll mention your name in the next fanfic!****

            That song was "Before You Say Good-Bye" by 2-Gether, with a few notable changes by me (the other one was a little inappropriate coughcough…)