Welcome to the Twilight Zone, er... Chapter 4 of The Rabid Hobbit Glomping
Fanfic. This is the remnants of the carnage that was Chapter 3. No need to
worry now though, as I have taken away Aye's chainsaw. If you are morally
opposed to drug references, homosexuality, or rabid fangirls, you should
not read this chapter. Or this fic for that matter. So without further ado,
Chapter 4! *curtain randomly swings open*
-Twitch
Disclaimer: blahblahblah, blah, blah BLAH. Seriously. Would you sue if we didn't put the disclaimer up?
The reviewers ROCK. We got really awesome reviews this time, including AJ's!! His was the best. And since Merry the Beta Feesh is our 50th reviewer, SHE GETS A FULL SIZE DIRTY MAN PLUSHIE!! By Dirty Man, we mean Aragorn. He's a dirty man.
Everyone congratulate Caity Burke for being an awesome semi-cameo! And Merry, the Beta Feesh!
Mistakes caught are rewarded by HOBBIT PLUSHIES!! And our 100th reviewer will get something...very special. *evil smirk*
-Aye
The next morning, Bag End was in an uproar. Throughout the course of the night, the fangirls had rummaged through every room in search of useful things to pack.
"Ooo. What's this?" Twitch asked, holding up a pair of bright green shorts covered in what looked like miniature elves. Frodo abruptly burst into the room, yelling.
"NO! OUT!" He snatched the neon shorts away from Twitch.
"I think they're boxers," Aye said, appearing behind Frodo's shoulder. She poked them, causing the harassed hobbit to squeal in fright. "I didn't know they had boxers in Middle Earth."
"Well, they're not in very good taste, are they? They're neon green!"
"Hey, my HAIR'S that color! Are you insinuating something?" Aye had managed to get hold of a bottle of bleach, dye, and some hair gel. The result was decidedly odd.
"And what's the matter with neon green? I happen to fancy that color, I do," Frodo said, rather hurt.
"Oh, well if you like it, I like it, my dear Frodo!" Twitch said happily, and glomped him. Frodo emitted a high pitched shriek, and Sam came running.
"Mr. Frodo! What do you think you're doing, fangirl?" Sam said angrily, "Unhand Mr. Frodo at once!"
Aye sighed. "Where's Meriadoc? He never turns up when you want him." She morosely poked at the neon green boxers. Sam twitched.
"THE SMELL OF SPART! THE SMELL OF SPART! THE SMELL OF SPART! OOGLYBOOGLIANMAN! BLARGH!" he screamed, writhing. Aye gave out a small erk, and edged away. Twitch hung onto Frodo, too much in bliss to notice anything else. There was a sharp smell of cheese, and a shout from outside.
"OY PIP! YOU SQUISHED MY CHEESE!" Aye perked up, and ran to the window and stuck her head through, smashing the glass. Twitch sniggered. Sam let out a shriek.
"EAT SNAILS, NOT CRAYONS!"
"BLARGH!" she yelped, rubbing her head. "That freaking hurt!" She opened the window, ignoring the broken glass, and peered out. Merry was chasing Pippin, who had the remains of a cheese in his hands. "MERIADOC!!" howled Aye in joy. She launched herself out through the window and zoomed towards the unwary hobbits. Twitch watched her with mild interest.
"I didn't think that hobbits knew CPR. Hum," She cuddled Frodo, who was looking gloomier than ever. "You be so cute! Adorable little hobbit," Sam shuddered and pulled himself together, giving Twitch a hearty whack over the head.
"Off, fangirl!" he croaked. Twitch let go of Frodo, looking irately around at Sam. Outside, Merry and Pippin were screaming and running for their lives.
"I JUST WANT TO GLOMP YOU! COME BACK!! PLEASE??" Aye wailed. Twitch decided to make her move. She grabbed the unhappy Frodo and dove through the window.
"Sam! Help!" Frodo yelped.
"Mr. Frodo! I'm coming!" He crashed through the wall, causing Twitch to turn around and gape at him.
"How do you do that?" she demanded, "I can never seem to bash through the walls properly!" Taking advantage of Twitch's astonishment, Sam grabbed Frodo and ran. Twitch blinked, and yelled, "HEY! BRING BACK MY FRODO!! NOOOO!!"
Merry and Pippin ran by her screaming, "RABID FANGIRL!! GAH!!"
"STOP RUNNING SO FAST!! JUST ONE GLOMP!" cried Aye. Twitch looked mournful.
"Froooodoooo," she sniffled. Aye, being half blind, tripped over Twitch's foot.
"BLARGH!" Aye glowered at Twitch. "You made me let them get away!" she pouted, whacking Twitch violently.
"OW!! You bitch!" she snarled, whacking Aye back. Aye whacked Twitch. Twitch whacked Aye. Aye whacked Twitch. And...well...yes.
The hobbits finally set out, after a week of avoiding fangirls (and more importantly, Lobelia), buying, selling, lovers' quarrels, packing, and etc.
"Wanker, wanker, wanker! I made it out of clay!" Pippin sang.
"Where'd you learn that song?" asked Merry
"Strangest thing, I can't remember." Merry and Pippin had linked arms and were skipping cheerfully along. Sam munched on an apple and watched Frodo do his funky chicken dance.
"Dance with me Sam! It's better with two people!" panted Frodo, jumping about.
"No thanks, Mr. Frodo. I prefer to watch."
"OY!" Pippin shouted, "MUSHROOMS!" Everybody turned around to look at Pippin, who was on his knees by a substantial mushroom patch.
"Just in time for second breakfast too!" Merry said gleefully. He produced several bags out of nowhere and handed one to Pip. Sam came scurrying up, eager for his share. Frodo, however, warily walked up.
"It might be booby trapped! Don't touch it!"
"Lighten up, Frodo! They're mushrooms!" The three hobbits quickly demolished the patch, filling their bags.
"LOOK!! HOBBITS!!" The hobbits jerked around to see the rabid fangirls running towards them.
"RUN!" Merry cried. The four jumped up and sprinted away.
"NOOOO!! HOBBITS!! COME BACK! I PROMISE I WON'T SQUISH YOUUU!" Twitch screamed. Aye produced a sudden burst of speed
"MEEEEEERRRRRIIIIIIIAAAADDDDDDOOOOCCCC!" she shrieked. Pippin screeched to a halt.
"WHY must you call him Meriadoc? Everyone else says Merry!"
Twitch, who was panting hard, stopped and shuddered. "Bad experiences," she said darkly, "VERY bad experiences."
"Oh. Ok, I was just wondering. Bye now!" Pippin said cheerfully, and started running as fast as his overlarge feet could carry him. Being the clever hobbit he was, he managed to just escape the clutches of and exhausted Aye. She was feeling rather winded, being rather...chunky...
"No! Wait!" she called, falling behind. "Meriadoc! Pippin!" Twitch came puffing up.
"Damn hobbits, they run too fast," Twitch said, leaning on the much shorter Aye, who glared and pushed her off.
"We'll catch up once they take a break," she said sadly, "Should've trained while I still could," Sighing, the fangirls somersaulted down the rest of the hill.
Discovering that they had lost the fangirls, the now cheery hobbits sat down to enjoy a second breakfast in a small clearing in the woods.
"Mmm...'shrooms!" Pippin said enthusiastically, handing his bag of stolen crops to Merry. "Fresh from the field," He grinned cheekily in that adorable hobbit fashion we all love.
Merry suddenly squealed in delight. "Pip! We got Maggot's SPECIAL stock!!" Sam looked gleeful and rubbed his hands together. Frodo looked worried.
"But what if Farmer Maggot poisoned them? And it's unsanitary! We should wait, just in case."
"Screw that!" Merry said impatiently, whacking Frodo over the head. He grabbed a few, rubbed the dirt off, and popped them into his mouth. Pippin snatched the bag from him and took several large handfuls, stuffing his mouth.
"Yummy!" he said, and handed Sam the bag. Sam stuck his face in it. "Ew," Pippin said, taking the bag back. "Sam, don't do that. It's unsanitary."
Merry took another handful, munching. Pippin let out a sudden bark of laughter.
"Merry! Your head is...GREEN!" He burst out into sniggers. He stood up, swaying. "And there, my friends, is my friend, my friend!" He fell over into Merry's lap, squishing the bag of 'shrooms.
"Pippin! No need to do that!" Merry said indignantly.
"Course not, Merry. You're so awesome," Pippin said dreamily, and hugged him, giggling. Sam doubled up in laughter.
"Missha Froodooo...Eye sheem to be upshide dooown again..." Sam lay down and tilted his head back. "Look at alllllll the preeeetty leaves! One, two, three, four, ninety eleven, apples and blue moons."
"Pippin..." gurgled Merry, bending his head to the right slightly "Is it just me or does your foot look like a giant... turkey?" Pippin looked at his hand.
"Why sho it does..." he muttered, stuck it in his mouth and began chewing.
"Eep, I'm getting out of here." said Frodo, and attempted to depart, looking for some sanity.
"Waaaiiit Missha Froodooo! I'll hewep yooouuu!" yelled Sam, struggling to his feet.
"No, Sam, I'm quite all right." shouted Frodo, he tried to run, but Sam lunged at his ankles and held him in a death grip.
"Hey lookit Merry, Frodo's foot just a splode!" yelled Pippin.
"A sloped?!" shouted Merry, terrified, "Where? I'll kill that little bugger!" he jumped to his feet, banging Pippin's head on the ground in the process.
"Ow, Sam, why you do that?" yelled Pip.
"I dinn do ayyfing! It was Missha Froodooo it wash!" shouted Sam
There was a crash. Frodo jumped around, twitching.
"FUCKING TREE!! BLARGH!!" Sounds of a tree being violently attacked floated through the clearing. "FUCKING PIECE OF FREAKING CRAP! GRAH!!"
"Shut up! It's a freaking TREE."
"IT HURT ME!! IT MUST DIE!! GRAH!!"
"Hey look! A HOBBIT!"
"Where! Where!"
"There, you blind fool!"
"I can't see him! Oh there he is! He's wearing brown, right?"
"No, you idiot. That's the bloody tree."
"Oh. Er...right then," The two fangirls stumbled into the clearing, Aye still looking vaguely around for a hobbit.
"See?? THERE!" Twitch snapped, grabbing Aye's green spiked head and turning it towards Frodo.
"OH I SEE HIM!! HAHA! LO, LITTLE HOBBIT! HOW BE YOU THIS FINE DAY!!"
"Idiot," muttered Twitch. Then she noticed the hallucinating hobbits. "Er...what happened to THEM?" Frodo squeaked and grabbed Sam.
"Sam? Sam??" There was a neigh, and a horseish snort. Aye and Twitch looked startled.
"Are hobbits supposed to sound like that?" Aye asked nervously. Menacing sounds of horses hooves pervaded the wood. "Erk..."
"Holy crap, it's the Black Riders! Aye, you fool!"
"What'd I do??"
Sam laughed. "Misshha Froodooo, I love yoouu."
"Not now, Sam!" Frodo said desperately. Trapped between fangirls and scary men on horses. Not good. With a burst of superhobbit strength, he grabbed all three hobbits and simply ran over the fangirls.
"Whoa."
"Dude."
"I had no clue hobbits could do that!" Twitch remarked, rather surprised to find herself on the ground.
"Me neither," The fangirls lay there for sometime, feeling thwarted.
The three hobbits had finally reached Crickhollow after several days, where they were greeted by Fatty Bolger. Thankfully, they did not have any more such encounters with shrooms or Black Riders. The fangirls had been trailing them the entire time, attempting to steal Pippin's pipe. Seeing them enter the house, the fangirls decided to sneak around to the back and watch them through the windows. Unfortunately, the windows were too high for the fangirls to see through, as the dwelling was on a sharp incline. There was, however, a tree conveniently placed just by it. Twitch quickly scaled it with what she referred to as her "mad tree climbing skills". Aye called it "dumbass jumping-up-and-down-to-catch-hold-of-a-branch-and-then- trying-to-get-up-onto-it skills".
"What's going on up there?" shouted Aye.
"SHHHH," hissed Twitch. "I love this line!" After a few moments of silence, a drunken shout rang out.
"A BAFF!" cried a rather inebriated Pippin. "OH BLESHED MEEYADUCK!"
Twitch squealed in joy, but then realized what she was looking at. "Holy crap," she muttered. It turned out that the window she had chosen to look through was the bathroom window. Not too smart, our Twitch.
As the hobbits entered the bathroom, Aye began to impatiently kick the tree. "What's going on?" she yelled.
"They're...they're...BATHING TOGETHER!! GAH!!" Twitch shrieked and nearly fell off of the branch. Aye gave a convulsive shudder. Jibbly.
"SHING HEY FO DE BAFF AH CLOSH O DAY THA WASHESH DE WEERY MUD AWAY!" half screeched Pippin.
Aye began kicking the tree again, this time harder.
"Cut the fuck out! Stop!! No! You're going to make me...FALL!! HOLY FREAKING-" Twitch toppled over and screamed. Aye yelped and jumped back from the cascade of leaves and Twitchiness.
"DAMMIT AYE! What the fuck is WRONG with you??"
"Er...there's a lot. Want me to list them all?" Aye grinned madly at the disgruntled Twitch.
"On second thought, no." It was at this point a curly head stuck itself out the window. The curly head turned out to belong to Sam.
"GAH!! NAKED HOBBIT!" yelled Aye, and dove for cover, hiding her eyes.
"Oh no! It's THEM!" Sam shouted. There was a sound that could have possibly been Mr. Frodo shrieking in terror, then dropping to the floor and curling up in the fetal position for protection, but that's just a guess. "BACK! BACK, YOU HORRID FANGIRLS!! AWAY I SAY!" Through the window came odd cooking items, including a soufflé pan. Several hit the fangirls over the head, which sent them screaming towards the trees. And Aye, being the clumsy, near-sighted fool that she was, ran the wrong way and smashed into the wall, knocking herself out.
REVIEW!! REVIEW!! OR ELSE I'LL SIC THE BETA FEESH ON YOU!! Whoa...that rhymes!! I have such mad skill... *evil psychotic grin*
-Aye
Disclaimer: blahblahblah, blah, blah BLAH. Seriously. Would you sue if we didn't put the disclaimer up?
The reviewers ROCK. We got really awesome reviews this time, including AJ's!! His was the best. And since Merry the Beta Feesh is our 50th reviewer, SHE GETS A FULL SIZE DIRTY MAN PLUSHIE!! By Dirty Man, we mean Aragorn. He's a dirty man.
Everyone congratulate Caity Burke for being an awesome semi-cameo! And Merry, the Beta Feesh!
Mistakes caught are rewarded by HOBBIT PLUSHIES!! And our 100th reviewer will get something...very special. *evil smirk*
-Aye
The next morning, Bag End was in an uproar. Throughout the course of the night, the fangirls had rummaged through every room in search of useful things to pack.
"Ooo. What's this?" Twitch asked, holding up a pair of bright green shorts covered in what looked like miniature elves. Frodo abruptly burst into the room, yelling.
"NO! OUT!" He snatched the neon shorts away from Twitch.
"I think they're boxers," Aye said, appearing behind Frodo's shoulder. She poked them, causing the harassed hobbit to squeal in fright. "I didn't know they had boxers in Middle Earth."
"Well, they're not in very good taste, are they? They're neon green!"
"Hey, my HAIR'S that color! Are you insinuating something?" Aye had managed to get hold of a bottle of bleach, dye, and some hair gel. The result was decidedly odd.
"And what's the matter with neon green? I happen to fancy that color, I do," Frodo said, rather hurt.
"Oh, well if you like it, I like it, my dear Frodo!" Twitch said happily, and glomped him. Frodo emitted a high pitched shriek, and Sam came running.
"Mr. Frodo! What do you think you're doing, fangirl?" Sam said angrily, "Unhand Mr. Frodo at once!"
Aye sighed. "Where's Meriadoc? He never turns up when you want him." She morosely poked at the neon green boxers. Sam twitched.
"THE SMELL OF SPART! THE SMELL OF SPART! THE SMELL OF SPART! OOGLYBOOGLIANMAN! BLARGH!" he screamed, writhing. Aye gave out a small erk, and edged away. Twitch hung onto Frodo, too much in bliss to notice anything else. There was a sharp smell of cheese, and a shout from outside.
"OY PIP! YOU SQUISHED MY CHEESE!" Aye perked up, and ran to the window and stuck her head through, smashing the glass. Twitch sniggered. Sam let out a shriek.
"EAT SNAILS, NOT CRAYONS!"
"BLARGH!" she yelped, rubbing her head. "That freaking hurt!" She opened the window, ignoring the broken glass, and peered out. Merry was chasing Pippin, who had the remains of a cheese in his hands. "MERIADOC!!" howled Aye in joy. She launched herself out through the window and zoomed towards the unwary hobbits. Twitch watched her with mild interest.
"I didn't think that hobbits knew CPR. Hum," She cuddled Frodo, who was looking gloomier than ever. "You be so cute! Adorable little hobbit," Sam shuddered and pulled himself together, giving Twitch a hearty whack over the head.
"Off, fangirl!" he croaked. Twitch let go of Frodo, looking irately around at Sam. Outside, Merry and Pippin were screaming and running for their lives.
"I JUST WANT TO GLOMP YOU! COME BACK!! PLEASE??" Aye wailed. Twitch decided to make her move. She grabbed the unhappy Frodo and dove through the window.
"Sam! Help!" Frodo yelped.
"Mr. Frodo! I'm coming!" He crashed through the wall, causing Twitch to turn around and gape at him.
"How do you do that?" she demanded, "I can never seem to bash through the walls properly!" Taking advantage of Twitch's astonishment, Sam grabbed Frodo and ran. Twitch blinked, and yelled, "HEY! BRING BACK MY FRODO!! NOOOO!!"
Merry and Pippin ran by her screaming, "RABID FANGIRL!! GAH!!"
"STOP RUNNING SO FAST!! JUST ONE GLOMP!" cried Aye. Twitch looked mournful.
"Froooodoooo," she sniffled. Aye, being half blind, tripped over Twitch's foot.
"BLARGH!" Aye glowered at Twitch. "You made me let them get away!" she pouted, whacking Twitch violently.
"OW!! You bitch!" she snarled, whacking Aye back. Aye whacked Twitch. Twitch whacked Aye. Aye whacked Twitch. And...well...yes.
The hobbits finally set out, after a week of avoiding fangirls (and more importantly, Lobelia), buying, selling, lovers' quarrels, packing, and etc.
"Wanker, wanker, wanker! I made it out of clay!" Pippin sang.
"Where'd you learn that song?" asked Merry
"Strangest thing, I can't remember." Merry and Pippin had linked arms and were skipping cheerfully along. Sam munched on an apple and watched Frodo do his funky chicken dance.
"Dance with me Sam! It's better with two people!" panted Frodo, jumping about.
"No thanks, Mr. Frodo. I prefer to watch."
"OY!" Pippin shouted, "MUSHROOMS!" Everybody turned around to look at Pippin, who was on his knees by a substantial mushroom patch.
"Just in time for second breakfast too!" Merry said gleefully. He produced several bags out of nowhere and handed one to Pip. Sam came scurrying up, eager for his share. Frodo, however, warily walked up.
"It might be booby trapped! Don't touch it!"
"Lighten up, Frodo! They're mushrooms!" The three hobbits quickly demolished the patch, filling their bags.
"LOOK!! HOBBITS!!" The hobbits jerked around to see the rabid fangirls running towards them.
"RUN!" Merry cried. The four jumped up and sprinted away.
"NOOOO!! HOBBITS!! COME BACK! I PROMISE I WON'T SQUISH YOUUU!" Twitch screamed. Aye produced a sudden burst of speed
"MEEEEEERRRRRIIIIIIIAAAADDDDDDOOOOCCCC!" she shrieked. Pippin screeched to a halt.
"WHY must you call him Meriadoc? Everyone else says Merry!"
Twitch, who was panting hard, stopped and shuddered. "Bad experiences," she said darkly, "VERY bad experiences."
"Oh. Ok, I was just wondering. Bye now!" Pippin said cheerfully, and started running as fast as his overlarge feet could carry him. Being the clever hobbit he was, he managed to just escape the clutches of and exhausted Aye. She was feeling rather winded, being rather...chunky...
"No! Wait!" she called, falling behind. "Meriadoc! Pippin!" Twitch came puffing up.
"Damn hobbits, they run too fast," Twitch said, leaning on the much shorter Aye, who glared and pushed her off.
"We'll catch up once they take a break," she said sadly, "Should've trained while I still could," Sighing, the fangirls somersaulted down the rest of the hill.
Discovering that they had lost the fangirls, the now cheery hobbits sat down to enjoy a second breakfast in a small clearing in the woods.
"Mmm...'shrooms!" Pippin said enthusiastically, handing his bag of stolen crops to Merry. "Fresh from the field," He grinned cheekily in that adorable hobbit fashion we all love.
Merry suddenly squealed in delight. "Pip! We got Maggot's SPECIAL stock!!" Sam looked gleeful and rubbed his hands together. Frodo looked worried.
"But what if Farmer Maggot poisoned them? And it's unsanitary! We should wait, just in case."
"Screw that!" Merry said impatiently, whacking Frodo over the head. He grabbed a few, rubbed the dirt off, and popped them into his mouth. Pippin snatched the bag from him and took several large handfuls, stuffing his mouth.
"Yummy!" he said, and handed Sam the bag. Sam stuck his face in it. "Ew," Pippin said, taking the bag back. "Sam, don't do that. It's unsanitary."
Merry took another handful, munching. Pippin let out a sudden bark of laughter.
"Merry! Your head is...GREEN!" He burst out into sniggers. He stood up, swaying. "And there, my friends, is my friend, my friend!" He fell over into Merry's lap, squishing the bag of 'shrooms.
"Pippin! No need to do that!" Merry said indignantly.
"Course not, Merry. You're so awesome," Pippin said dreamily, and hugged him, giggling. Sam doubled up in laughter.
"Missha Froodooo...Eye sheem to be upshide dooown again..." Sam lay down and tilted his head back. "Look at alllllll the preeeetty leaves! One, two, three, four, ninety eleven, apples and blue moons."
"Pippin..." gurgled Merry, bending his head to the right slightly "Is it just me or does your foot look like a giant... turkey?" Pippin looked at his hand.
"Why sho it does..." he muttered, stuck it in his mouth and began chewing.
"Eep, I'm getting out of here." said Frodo, and attempted to depart, looking for some sanity.
"Waaaiiit Missha Froodooo! I'll hewep yooouuu!" yelled Sam, struggling to his feet.
"No, Sam, I'm quite all right." shouted Frodo, he tried to run, but Sam lunged at his ankles and held him in a death grip.
"Hey lookit Merry, Frodo's foot just a splode!" yelled Pippin.
"A sloped?!" shouted Merry, terrified, "Where? I'll kill that little bugger!" he jumped to his feet, banging Pippin's head on the ground in the process.
"Ow, Sam, why you do that?" yelled Pip.
"I dinn do ayyfing! It was Missha Froodooo it wash!" shouted Sam
There was a crash. Frodo jumped around, twitching.
"FUCKING TREE!! BLARGH!!" Sounds of a tree being violently attacked floated through the clearing. "FUCKING PIECE OF FREAKING CRAP! GRAH!!"
"Shut up! It's a freaking TREE."
"IT HURT ME!! IT MUST DIE!! GRAH!!"
"Hey look! A HOBBIT!"
"Where! Where!"
"There, you blind fool!"
"I can't see him! Oh there he is! He's wearing brown, right?"
"No, you idiot. That's the bloody tree."
"Oh. Er...right then," The two fangirls stumbled into the clearing, Aye still looking vaguely around for a hobbit.
"See?? THERE!" Twitch snapped, grabbing Aye's green spiked head and turning it towards Frodo.
"OH I SEE HIM!! HAHA! LO, LITTLE HOBBIT! HOW BE YOU THIS FINE DAY!!"
"Idiot," muttered Twitch. Then she noticed the hallucinating hobbits. "Er...what happened to THEM?" Frodo squeaked and grabbed Sam.
"Sam? Sam??" There was a neigh, and a horseish snort. Aye and Twitch looked startled.
"Are hobbits supposed to sound like that?" Aye asked nervously. Menacing sounds of horses hooves pervaded the wood. "Erk..."
"Holy crap, it's the Black Riders! Aye, you fool!"
"What'd I do??"
Sam laughed. "Misshha Froodooo, I love yoouu."
"Not now, Sam!" Frodo said desperately. Trapped between fangirls and scary men on horses. Not good. With a burst of superhobbit strength, he grabbed all three hobbits and simply ran over the fangirls.
"Whoa."
"Dude."
"I had no clue hobbits could do that!" Twitch remarked, rather surprised to find herself on the ground.
"Me neither," The fangirls lay there for sometime, feeling thwarted.
The three hobbits had finally reached Crickhollow after several days, where they were greeted by Fatty Bolger. Thankfully, they did not have any more such encounters with shrooms or Black Riders. The fangirls had been trailing them the entire time, attempting to steal Pippin's pipe. Seeing them enter the house, the fangirls decided to sneak around to the back and watch them through the windows. Unfortunately, the windows were too high for the fangirls to see through, as the dwelling was on a sharp incline. There was, however, a tree conveniently placed just by it. Twitch quickly scaled it with what she referred to as her "mad tree climbing skills". Aye called it "dumbass jumping-up-and-down-to-catch-hold-of-a-branch-and-then- trying-to-get-up-onto-it skills".
"What's going on up there?" shouted Aye.
"SHHHH," hissed Twitch. "I love this line!" After a few moments of silence, a drunken shout rang out.
"A BAFF!" cried a rather inebriated Pippin. "OH BLESHED MEEYADUCK!"
Twitch squealed in joy, but then realized what she was looking at. "Holy crap," she muttered. It turned out that the window she had chosen to look through was the bathroom window. Not too smart, our Twitch.
As the hobbits entered the bathroom, Aye began to impatiently kick the tree. "What's going on?" she yelled.
"They're...they're...BATHING TOGETHER!! GAH!!" Twitch shrieked and nearly fell off of the branch. Aye gave a convulsive shudder. Jibbly.
"SHING HEY FO DE BAFF AH CLOSH O DAY THA WASHESH DE WEERY MUD AWAY!" half screeched Pippin.
Aye began kicking the tree again, this time harder.
"Cut the fuck out! Stop!! No! You're going to make me...FALL!! HOLY FREAKING-" Twitch toppled over and screamed. Aye yelped and jumped back from the cascade of leaves and Twitchiness.
"DAMMIT AYE! What the fuck is WRONG with you??"
"Er...there's a lot. Want me to list them all?" Aye grinned madly at the disgruntled Twitch.
"On second thought, no." It was at this point a curly head stuck itself out the window. The curly head turned out to belong to Sam.
"GAH!! NAKED HOBBIT!" yelled Aye, and dove for cover, hiding her eyes.
"Oh no! It's THEM!" Sam shouted. There was a sound that could have possibly been Mr. Frodo shrieking in terror, then dropping to the floor and curling up in the fetal position for protection, but that's just a guess. "BACK! BACK, YOU HORRID FANGIRLS!! AWAY I SAY!" Through the window came odd cooking items, including a soufflé pan. Several hit the fangirls over the head, which sent them screaming towards the trees. And Aye, being the clumsy, near-sighted fool that she was, ran the wrong way and smashed into the wall, knocking herself out.
REVIEW!! REVIEW!! OR ELSE I'LL SIC THE BETA FEESH ON YOU!! Whoa...that rhymes!! I have such mad skill... *evil psychotic grin*
-Aye
