A/N: Wahhhh!!!  Two things—school starts tomorrow and Lily and James are having issues!!  Two things to cry over.  Let's talk about school first—I haven't started school yet and already I have senior-itis.  It's a very common disease in MANY MANY MANY seniors in Morristown (hehe)…in fact, my fall semester is incredibly busy with field hockey practice every day including games and scrimmages and Saturday practices and I'm filling out TONS of college applications right now and still catching up on ACT's and SAT's and then there's church stuff that I'm signed up for EVERY Wednesday night plus the homework that I'm going to soon be getting.  I have to get rid of one---I vote homework!  Senior year is a joke at our high school and I plan on staying all the way until the punch line.  ANYWAY!!!!  Next thing—Lily and James are having issues.  Hmm…I wonder what will happen between them?  Nothing?  Something?  Well, keep reading!!

Disclaimer: You know the drill.  (just see previous chapters!)   

MEMORIES

CHAPTER 23: Life Goes On

Written by ByeByeBirdie

            Lily woke up the next morning, hoping to get a new, fresh start on the day.  She didn't want to worry about James or what was going to happen between them.  Personally, she wasn't feeling so upset and angry any longer.  She meant what she said to him—they needed time to think about each other and how they've changed.  She didn't want to rush into anything and she knew that she just needed some time alone to herself. 

            When she entered work, she entered with a smile on.  Surprising herself, she actually felt good when she smiled. 

            "Good morning, Lily," a few people greeted as she walked down the hallway to her cubicle. 

            She replied cheerfully, "Good morning!"

            Surprising herself, she actually meant it.

            When Mrs. Talcyon asked her about her date last night, Lily shrugged and brushed it off.  "It didn't go as well as planned, but I'm okay."

            Surprising herself, she really felt like she was okay.

            Mrs. Talcyon smiled sympathetically and handed her the copies of her article with the editors' notes on them.  She read them over and started to get to work.  She finished typing her article and began to file the previous newspapers that were in the filing room.  It was her week to file, but surprising herself, she actually had fun with it.

            It was a day of many surprises.

            Especially when Sirius walked into her office right before her lunch break without any notice.

            "Sirius!!" Lily cried in shock.  "What are you doing here?"

            "I could be asking you the same question…"

            "Uh…I work here, Sirius."

            Sirius gave her a look.  "I mean, I figured you'd be at home, taking some time off…"

            "Why?"

            Sirius rolled his eyes and gave her an antagonizing look.  "I know what happened between you and James."

            Lily looked down at the ground and sighed.  "Did he tell you?"

            "No, I figured it out," Sirius explained.  "I told James that you'd find out about Avril somehow, but-"

            "WhatYou knew?"

            Sirius felt a bit guilty and grinned apologetically at her.  "Yeah…but I promised not to tell you.  I just wanted you two to be happy together because that's the way it's always been.  You two were meant for each other, and I hate to see you guys back to avoiding each other."

            "I'm not avoiding him.  Sirius, I don't hate him.  In fact, what happened between us just made me realize how different we are now.  Things have changed and perhaps we're not as right for each other as we were years ago.  It's been almost fifteen years since we've first started dating.  We've grown up.  We've moved on.  It just took longer for me to figure that out."

            "You love him," Sirius said.

            "What??"

            "I can tell.  You're just afraid to admit it."

            "Sirius, I-"

            "Right now, I was almost positive you'd be at home crying your eyes out over him, throwing things around your apartment, screaming when the time felt like it.  Instead, you're here at work…smiling and feeling glad that things are over…….you're a changed person, Lily."

            "Yeah…and?"

            "I think you're afraid of what could have happened between you two."

            "Yes, I am," Lily admitted.  "Mostly because we're so different that if we had continued on with something, it wouldn't have lasted.  We've changed and we're not the same people we were when we first started dating.  Honestly, I count us getting back together this time as a fluke.  I feel like it didn't really happen and that's just the way it's going to feel like in my mind.  I'm fine, Sirius.  I've finally realized that maybe he and I aren't meant for each other like we used to be."

            Sirius sighed, knowing that he wasn't going to be able to change her mind.  "Fine, Lily.  I've got to go now, but call me when you want to talk to someone."

            Lily sighed.  "I won't need to, but okay."

            Sirius left, the feeling of confusion weighing down his mind.

            Lily just stood there, wondering why Sirius thought she was afraid.

            Truthfully, she knew she was.  She was afraid of being alone.  But she wasn't going to go running back to James when she knows that perhaps they just don't belong to each other…

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  

            Two weeks later, Lily and James had practically forgot about what had happened between them and still remained friends.  No one really knew what had ended them yet again, but they weren't willing to share any details with each other……….

 

            "I actually can't today, Brett," Lily said with a sympathetic smile.  "I'm baby-sitting for a friend of mine."

            "Aww, it's Shane's birthday," Brett said with a puppy-dog face.

            "I know! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Lily apologized.  "But it's Christmas Eve and my friends are going to a party with the people they usually get to baby-sit for them.  If I would have known that you were having a huge party for the guy I wouldn't have promised Allie!"

            Brett laughed.  "Don't worry about it.  I'll tell Shane you said happy birthday and-"

            A second later, Sirius appeared in front of them.  "Oh, hey…Brett, is it?"

            Brett laughed.  "Is this what you call baby-sitting?" Brett asked Lily with an eyebrow raised.

            "Well you know how Sirius gets at times. He can't be left alone. I need to baby-sit him," Lily teased.

            "Hey!" Sirius called out. "It takes more than one person to baby-sit me." The three of them laughed.

             "He's just helping me, Brett."

            "Helping? Is that what it's called nowadays?"

            Sirius looked at them quizzingly and Lily and Brett laughed.  "I was invited to Shane's thirtieth birthday, but I'm baby-sitting for Allie and Josh today," Lily clued Sirius in.

            "Ohhhh!  You know, you could go if you wanted and I could baby-sit Jenna," Sirius pointed out.

            Lily burst into laughter.  "Sirius, I don't think Allie and Josh are going to like that too much."

            Sirius made a face at her.  "Ha ha.  Not that you care, but I happen to be great with children."

            "Yeah, but Jenna is only two years old!!"

            "Lily, there's nothing to be worried about.  If something goes wrong, I'll call you or something.  Now go have fun at this party!" Sirius said firmly.

            "But-"

            "No buts.  Go with Brett and have a good time.  You've been so busy with your work lately that you haven't had much time to get out," Sirius pointed out.  "And wouldn't it be nice to see your friends from California again…especially on Christmas Eve?"

            Lily hesitated.  "Well…it would be nice to take a break from my new job and just relax…"

            "Great!!  Then it's settled.  We'll apparate back to California and start decorating for his party," Brett interjected.

            "Fine, but I better not hear in the newspaper that a two-year old baby was accidentally left on the side of the road and trampled by a beer truck or something," Lily warned.

            "No way!!" Sirius objected.  "It would have to be garbage truck."

            "Sirius!" Lily cried, and all three of them laughed.

            "There's nothing to worry about!"

            "Sirius, with you…there's always something to worry about," Lily teased.

            "I love you too," Sirius muttered rolling his eyes with a silly grin on his face.

            "Have fun," Lily added.

            "Yes, because baby-sitting a child who is just learning to walk and talk and knock things over sounds like fun to me!" Sirius said sarcastically with a wink.

            "Hey, you're the one who's offering to do this by yourself," Lily joked.

            She ducked as Sirius tried to hit her on the head. 

            "Okay, have fun at the party, Lils," Sirius said, before apparating to Allie and Remus' house.

            "Okay, let's go," Brett said and they apparated to a restaurant in California where Erik, Callie, Brad, Andy, Elizabeth, Zachary, and two people that Lily didn't know were already setting up everything.

            "You know everyone besides Leah Weiss and Jeremy Wichita," Brett said, pointing to the two people talking to each other in the back.  "They work with Shane."

            Lily nodded, and before she knew it, Shane showed up forty minutes later and the party began.

            "To Shane and a happy thirtieth birthday and to an upcoming year hopefully filled with many surprises," Callie said, toasting to the birthday man himself, and everyone clinked glasses.

            "Do you want to dance?" Brett asked Lily, who was sitting right next to her.

            Lily smiled and gratefully accepted, "Sure."

            "You know…you're different than anyone I've ever met," Brett said a few minutes later.

            "Different?  In what way?" Lily asked with a grin.

            "Well…you're more spunky and out-going and yet…very mature.  You have this aura of satisfaction following you wherever you go.  And you're always positive, always with a smile."

            Lily blushed.  "Oh…well, thanks, Brett."

            "I'm not sure how to tell you this…but…" he trailed off.

            Lily looked up at him.  "Tell me what?  You can tell me anything."

            Brett looked down at her directly in the eye, and before either of them knew what was happening, Brett leaned in and kissed Lily full-blown hard on the mouth and then pulled away.

            Lily stopped dancing and looked up at Brett with confusion and fear shown in her eyes.  "I-I don't know what to say."

            "Lily-"

            "I-I…I have to go," Lily said, rushing away from Brett and out of the restaurant holding back the tears forming in her eyelids.  Not even realizing it, she started running to nowhere in particular as her whole body began to tremble.  She realized she just handled that so terribly, but there was nothing she could do about it now.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

            "It's yummy food," Sirius said smacking his lips.  "Very good for you.  I know you want it," he teased the baby sitting in her high-chair who's hair was plastered with food.  "Here it comes, Jenna!  Open wide," Sirius said.  "Zoom, zoom!" Sirius said with a slight smile as he zoomed the spoon with the food around in the air like an airplane, straight for Jenna's mouth, who surprisingly ate the carrot baby food.

            Knock, knock.  Sirius jumped a little and looked at the door in confusion, wondering who the hell it could be.  "Come on, Jenna.  Let's go see who it is," Sirius said, picking up Jenna out of her high-chair and walking towards the door as another knock came to the door.

            He opened it and there stood Lily wearing a beautiful green cocktail dress that was now sticking to her legs because the dress was wet from the snow outside.

            "Lily?  What are you doing here?  I thought you were at the party," Sirius said, bewildered, as he hopped Jenna up and down on his leg.

            "I…I was," Lily said breathlessly.

            "Then…why are you here now?"

            Lily opened her mouth to speak, then ended up closing it again and putting her head in her hands and moaned as she hunched down on the couch.  "I did a stupid thing, Sirius."

            "I'm sure you didn't and you just think you did," Sirius said, as Jenna gurgled at him and he smiled at her.

            "Brett kissed me."

            Sirius almost dropped Jenna. 

            "See?  Stupid," Lily commented.

            "That's not your fault."

            "Yeah, but I ran away from him.  He kissed me and…and I fled!"

            Sirius got off the chair and went over to sit by Lily.  "Why did you run?"

            "Because I didn't know what to do."

            "Yeah, but I know you have a reason.  I can tell."

            Lily sighed.  "I don't know."

            "Yes you do."

            Lily looked down at the ground.  "It's just that…well, the moment Brett kissed me…" she trailed off.

            "Yeah?  Go on…" Sirius urged, knowing what was coming next.

            "It felt…different," Lily said with a groan. 

            "How different?"

            Lily sighed, and looked up at Sirius who was wearing an eager look on his face.  "It…it wasn't James."

            Sirius half-grinned, but tried to hide it.  "You know what this means, right?"

            Lily shook her head vigorously.  "No," she replied with a hint of aggravation.  "Because it's been four years since I've actually dated James!  Four years, Sirius.  We may have had that one day where everything got screwed up two weeks ago, but I don't count that.  That was just a mistake.  That was when I thought I realized that we were too different.  And four years is more than enough time to get over someone."

            "So are you saying you're not over him yet?" Sirius asked, knowing that he was putting Lily right into a little trap of his own.

            "No!!  I am over him!!"

            "And yet you still fled when you kissed someone else," Sirius pointed out with a satisfied smile on his face.  "Someone different."

            Lily opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again. 

            "Someone who isn't James," he concluded.

            She looked up at him in fear and astonishment. She ran her hand through her hair and let out a long, drawling sigh that she held on to for a long few seconds.  She looked up at the ceiling trying to search for an answer, but nothing came to her. 

            "You're right," Lily finally said, circling her head around and turning it towards Sirius.

            "About what??" he asked, knowing perfectly well what she was talking about.  But she was the one who needed to hear it come from her mouth.

            "Maybe I'm not over him…maybe…maybe…"

            "What?" Sirius said anxiously, just waiting for Lily to finally admit her feelings.  He knew what was coming next, but he also knew that Lily was afraid to say it.  He was just waiting until Lily finally had the courage to come out and confess her bottled-up, jumbled, mixed-around emotions inside her mind.

            "…Maybe I'm still in love with him," she whispered.  "Or maybe I just never stopped loving him."

            Sirius secretly smiled.  He had won…James had won.  And in a way, Lily had won.  The question was, what was going to happen now. Sirius didn't even know the answer to that question.

            "I don't get it!  Two weeks ago I was telling myself that James and I changed over the years, and we had grown up and moved on, and we weren't mean-to-be and are now very different from each other!"

            "Maybe you're not as different as you think…"

            "But…how?" Lily groaned.  "I've been fine for four years without him.  When I saw James with Avril two weeks ago, I wanted to hate him.  But I didn't.  I just realized that we needed some time alone to discover our differences.  There hasn't been a day where I looked back on us and secretly wished that we had never broken up.  I mean, there are days where I'm not glad we're broken up, but I'm fine with us being friends!!  This is…this is just an inconvenience to both of us!" Lily cried angrily.

            "Lily, I understand completely.  You're just feeling helpless and bewildered.  Trust me, I've been there…everyone has been there."

            "I hate that," she groaned.

            He couldn't help but laugh.  "I know."

            "This sucks.  I…I don't even know what to think anymore."

            "I can't tell you how you're feeling, but I know you'll figure it out, Lils.  In fact, you've already got it figured out," he pointed out.  "You've just got to do something about it.  And I'm here to talk.  I just can't make your decisions."

            Lily sighed.  "I knew you were going to say that.  But thanks.  I think I'm going to go to Hogsmeade or something and just take a walk or whatnot.  I think I'll stop by later tonight, though." 

            Sirius nodded.  "Okay.  I'll be here with this cute wittle baby, Jenna," Sirius said in baby-voice, and Lily laughed. "Until about midnight if you need me for anything."

            Lily nodded.  "Okay.  Thanks again."

            "Anytime."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

            "So, how was Jenna tonight?" Allie asked.

            "Jenna?  Who's Jenna?  Was I supposed to be watching her?" Sirius teased.

            "What!?" Allie cried.

            "Al, calm down.  I was just kidding," Sirius said.

            Josh laughed and Allie rolled her eyes.  "I can't believe Josh talked me into letting only you baby-sit tonight."

            "Hey, she was great.  She watched Barney for a while and we played a bit with her toys, then I gave her those gross mashed carrots," Sirius said with a face, "And she ate them, surprisingly, and then I changed her diaper, which was sooo much fun," Sirius said sarcastically, and they all laughed.  "And I put her down to bed at seven and she went to sleep without a problem.  She's a great kid, guys."

            Allie and Josh looked at him astonished.  "Wh-what?"

            Sirius was taken aback.  "Uh…what?  Did I do something wrong?"

            "Well…she usually hates strangers, no offense," Josh said to Sirius.  "And every night she cries before bed until one of goes in there and rocks her.  And she never eats!"

            Sirius looked at them like they were crazy.  "She didn't cry at all.  She was a very easy baby to baby-sit for.  I even had some fun."

            "Wow," Allie said in amazement.  "You're going to make a great father someday, you know that, Sirius?"

            Sirius blushed.  "I don't know about that, but-"

            "I do," Allie said with a smile.

            Sirius blushed again.  "Well…thanks.  And if you ever need a baby-sitter again, just call me.  I'd be happy to do it."

            Allie smiled at him.  "I think we'll take you up on that offer.  Especially after this little one is born," she said, patting her stomach.  Yep, Allie was pregnant again, but just barely. Only about two months.

            "So are you going home for Christmas tomorrow?" Sirius asked Allie and Josh.

            "Yeah, tomorrow we're heading to Belgium for my mother's family reunion," Josh said.  "Hopefully it will be fun.  My mother wants to see Jenna again anyway."

            "What about you?  What are you doing for Christmas?" Allie asked Sirius.

            "I think I'm going home with James because Kaitlynne and Remus are going to Kaitlynne's grandfather's place and Lily's going with them and Andy, and Peter's going down to Africa with a bunch of co-workers or something.  So James invited me to his mother's house for the day."

            "Oh, well have fun," Allie said with a grin.

            "Yeah, you too.  And I'll see you…whenever," Sirius said with a chuckle and a wink before apparating back to Alphamstone, where it was about one o'clock in the morning…realizing it was Christmas.

            "Yeah…what a great Christmas," Sirius muttered as he turned on the light to his living room, and turned off the light to the outside.  "I'm not even sure I'm doing anything yet," he said with a sigh.

            He couldn't help but realize that the past year had been somewhat lousy.  He had a nice job and a bunch of great friends, but when it came to holidays, he always ended up alone.  He had no family and he always felt like a tag-along or a third wheel.  He hated the feeling…especially on Christmas.

            He sighed.

            Lately, things have been strange.  He's never had the feeling of aloneness and despair, but that's the feeling he's been getting.  There were times where he welcomed the silence but most of the time the silence was just another word for awkwardness.  Sirius liked being busy and he liked having things to do.  Around the holidays, the joke shop was closed so Sirius always got the paperwork done ahead of time.  But then he ended up being bored.  He was always restless and anxious for something…anything.  He just never knew what that something was…and for all he knew, that something may never come.

            There were only so many times that Sirius could wander into Three Broomsticks or the Leaky Cauldron or the Firefly or any other place in Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley.  After a while, Sirius just felt like he would go to Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley just to pass the time away and act as if he was a busy man.  He probably saw more of Rosmerta than he did anyone else in his life.

            He sighed and walked towards the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee or something.  Just as he turned on the coffee maker, there was a knock on the door.  He knew it was Lily, so he immediately started towards the door and turned on the outside light.

            Sirius noticed that the snow was coming down in hard, white, cold sheets and flurries.  The flakes were as big as paper and the wind just blew up the sandy part of the snow from the woods.  It was a jumble of everything in nature, and Sirius couldn't even see the person standing on his front porch.

            He opened the door and gasped.

            Sirius just stood there in awe, with all breath sucked out of his body for a few seconds, before he gained control of his breathing and his talking skills.  "Savannah…" Sirius murmured breathlessly with an obvious confused expression on his face.

A/N: CLIFFHANGER! Don't flame me because of this cliffhanger—this one is a biiiiiiiiiiiig one, ain't it!?  I wonder what's going to happen next between them!!!!!  And what about Lily and James?  Is she going to tell him how she feels now?  What's going on in the land of love with everyone!?  Are Lily and James and Savannah and Sirius gonna get back together!?  Or is everyone gonna be mad at Savannah for not keeping in touch!?  And is Lily going to mention anything to James?  If she does, what happens then?  CLIFFHANGER!!!

            READ AND REVIEW, THANKS!