A/N: Diamond490- Did I like Arizona? Of course I did! I was born in Tucson; I can't possibly see how people can't like it there. I go back every summer. Personally I love the heat and the desert. Well, never been where you live, but I hope you like it there =)

       Anyway, I hope this chapter clears things up a little bit. I really was sick when I wrote the last one, lol, but I don't have the time to go back and change some things that I did too quickly. Well, enjoy this chapter! Two of my stories down (updated), one to go!

Thanks to so many people for reviewing!!

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Chapter 9- Hopeless

       She couldn't think; what was happening to her? It wasn't the end of the world...it really wasn't. Suddenly a river of anger invaded her mind, drowning all thoughts but what a jerk James was. Had Mary not warned her? Was this not her fault, in part? She pushed that thought out of her head and looked back up at Sirius, who had a concerned look on his face. She had never expected him to look like that, not this joker. Not this sarcastic, always happy guy.

       "Lily...he didn't mean it. You'll see." he paused, seeing that his words were anything but convincing. "He isn't who he appears to be. He acts immovable and impassive. But Lily, he isn't. He's upset right now...really upset. Half-mad might describe it better. Just give him time. Please."

       The tears continued to run down her face. "How am I supposed to believe that? How can you expect me to? I..." she took a deep sigh, trying to clear her thoughts and regain some composure. "I don't know, Sirius. If I mean anything to him, besides money...or whatever he was implying...then he'll have to find a way for me to believe that. I can't...I can't...." she gave up. "Thanks Sirius. For caring at all." she stood on her toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He stood motionless while she turned and walked down the hall, staring after her with troubled eyes.

       As she ran through the corridors, she was unaware. She ignored the looks of people she flew past, not caring who they were or what they thought of her. All of her life she had been trained to care so much about what other people thought, but finally her conscience was getting the better of her.

       Lily entered her dorm room with a feeling of complete defeat. What was her life worth? She hated every bit of it. Her mother, her father, her supposed fiancĂ©, this whole mess. Oh, god. If you can't make my life better, at least spare me and let me die now. She threw herself on her bed, grabbing her pillow and curling up with it.

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       Mary laughed. Daniel really was sweet. And funny, and cute, all of those good things. She had had more fun in this one afternoon that she had that whole summer. Not that the summer had been exciting by any means....

       "I should probably go, Daniel. I haven't done any of my homework, and it's all due tomorrow." she sighed and smiled at him.

       He grinned. "Okay. Don't work too hard; I'll want you to have some energy left when I meet you in the library tonight."

       "Tonight?" she shook her head good-naturedly. "You are impossible. Alright. What time?"

       "Say, 8 o'clock?"

"Sure, see you then." she rose awkwardly, not sure of what to do to say goodbye to him. He answered her question, speedily getting up and giving her a quick kiss. She proceeded towards the door, touching her lips and smiling. He just gave her another cute grin and waved.

       Wow, she thought. I could see this relationship lasting more than a couple weeks. That is, as long as he stays this sweet. God knows most don't...

       It took her a few minutes to return back to her dorm, but her thoughts were so congested that she hardly noticed the walk. She was in such good spirits, that even as she walked through the doorway wondering where Lily was, it took her a moment until she realized that her best friend had curled herself up on her bed, looking miserable, and fallen asleep.

       Mary walked over slowly, looking down at Lily's fiery hair, plastered to her face by what could only have been tears, which explained the redness of her eyes. She reached a hand out gently and pulled the pillow away, setting it on the end of the bed.

       "Lily?" she asked softly. Lily grunted and opened her usually bright eyes slowly, as if she wanted nothing more than to just keep them closed so that she would see nothing. Once her eyes were fully open, she squinted against the light coming in from the window.

       "God damn it all to hell." she said, and dropped back down to her bed.

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       What had he said? He could hardly remember anymore. Was he drunk? Sure, drunk with too many emotions. James rubbed his head, which was throbbing furiously, angry with him, just as he was angry with his life.

       Another letter from his stepfather. What good did this do him? To mope over these letters? But they did hurt. Every word was piercing. Stop it. You're supposed to be a man. You're just proving everything he's accused you of.

       But why couldn't he have his own, real dad back again? What had he done, to deserve for his dad to be killed? Voldemort... the word rang through his head sharper and sharper at each repeat. His head had begun to throb in rhythm.

       Worthless, he had said...hope you never come home again. "Well I'm not coming home." he mumbled. "I didn't last summer, and I can make it on my own from now on." What of his mother? She had meant so much to him, in those months after his father's death a year ago. But why did she have to go find more comfort, and why with this man? This horrible, constantly drunk man who hated him? No, he couldn't go back. Even for his mother. She could take care of herself, he was sure. He laughed sharply, with no emotion. What good would I do anyway? I just make everyone else miserable. I am worthless, for all I know.

       And then he realized what he had said earlier. A groan. Again he had done it, thrown his wrath onto someone undeserving. Someone who had enough of her own worries. It was okay though, she didn't know anyway. He would just find Sirius and tell him that he had been wrong...all he needed to do was find Sirius.

       He got up and cringed, wishing he could just go to bed and forget any of it happened. But sometimes that simply isn't possible, he reminded himself.

       Ambling through the halls with but one goal in his head, he began to think about how he was going to explain himself to Sirius. Well, maybe he wouldn't need to. Sirius had seen him like that many a time. But whoever knew anything anymore.

       He burst through the common room and saw Sirius standing near the fireplace, gazing into the flames.

       "Padfoot...I didn't-"

"She knows James. She heard."

       A number of emotions ran through his head, none of which he was certain. "W-what do you mean?"

       Sirius spun around then to look at his friend, his expression angry and impatient. "You know damn well what I mean! She was in the hallway Prongs, she heard it all. She thinks you really are just using her." an infuriated pause. "I tried to save your ass, old pal, but it didn't work this time! Lily has enough on her mind, apparently, and she isn't stupid!"

       "But I-"

"I'm really not in the mood to help you this time. My mind tells me the more appropriate thing would be to help Lily." he stomped off, while James stared after him, speechless and with no godly idea of what he was going to do.

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       The next few days were no better. Sirius was not talking to James, and James was sulky. He had approached Lily a few times, and she had pretended he was not there, tuning him out, refusing to hear an explanation. Rightfully so, in most peoples' opinion. Not that everybody knew...only the Marauders. And Mary, who was doing all she could to cheer a cheerless Lily up.

       Lily was back to herself, at least as near as anyone could tell. She had always kept things to herself, hid her problems as deep as they would go so that she would not look crazy, would not look depressed. Hell, she didn't even know what she was thinking, and she certainly didn't have time to dig that out.

       "Lily?" Sirius had come into her dorm again. He had been really sweet lately, doing whatever she wanted and coming periodically to say hi. It seemed that he was just as angry with James as she was.

       She smiled. "Hey." she scooted over on her bed so that he could sit down. "I thought you'd never come. I was about to go down to the common room and search for you."

       He looked at his watch. "I'm only twenty minutes later than usual, what are you on about?" Sirius grinned.

       Suddenly Lily looked away. His grin reminded her of James. They were so alike, and yet so different, being best friends for their whole lives.

       "What? Did I say something wrong? Not James again..." he rolled his eyes. "He's been a jerk lately anyway. Don't think about him."

       Lily glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He looked so sweet, so nice, and helpful. A smile came to her lips as she turned her head towards him.

       "Sirius...I-"

He leaned down in one swift motion and kissed her, lifting her chin up with one hand, the other reaching her back and pulling her closer. Lily certainly didn't seem to have any objection.

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A/N: Lol, was that weird enough for you? I hope so! Any requests or comments or anything? Reviews really do make me write faster, and they make me very happy ;) I'd love to hear from any of you- whether it's a short or long review. If someone saw me reading reviews they would probably think I was crazy; sitting in front of the computer grinning to myself. But I do need to grin at the moment- I've had enough homework and tests, I'm falling asleep at the keyboard, lol. I thank you all for reading, it means a lot to me and sorry if none of this makes sense...but I really am falling asleep. Think I'll just go into my room right now... 8-)