"What are you going to do?"

"Exactly what the book tells me."

"And what does the book tell you?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On you." 

The Glamoire—Chapter 3

Francie walked back over to the table holding The Glamoire and sat down in the chair.  Sabine followed her, picked up the book and began flipping through it.

"Now look Francie, it's very simple.  The Glamoire will tell me how to improve your looks, but your new look will depend on what kind of Sue you want to become."

Francie snorted.  "We've already been over this.  I don't want to become a Sue at all.  And my looks are just fine."

Sabine smirked and snapped her fingers to summon a mirror.  "Look Francie.  Wouldn't you like to be gorgeous?"

Francie turned towards the mirror and looked over her face and hair.  She took in her ponytail of slightly greasy, dirty blonde hair, the tortoiseshell glasses covering her hazel eyes, and her pasty white skin.  Francie felt herself starting to agree with Sabine, but then the younger girl shook her head and looked away from the mirror. 

"I see what you're trying to do.  I'm not a supermodel, but I can look fairly pretty when I get cleaned up.  Like I told you before, I'm just not having a good day!"

Sabine sighed theatrically.  "You're just determined to make this as hard as possible for me, aren't you?"

Francie grinned and nodded enthusiastically.  Sabine threw The Glamoire back onto the table and crossed her arms in a huff. 

"Fine then, be difficult.  I'll just have to pick for you.  You'd do very well as a Classic Mary Sue, maybe with a few canon connections."

Sabine clapped her hands, another grin of triumph on her face.  Francie looked at the authoress with terror. 

"I recognize that look, Sabine!  What now?"

"You can be a cousin of the Malfoys!"

"But we already established their family tree in the fifth book."

Sabine scoffed, "Oh book, shmook.  That's canon; it doesn't matter.  You'll be related to Lucius' side or something.  You already have sort of blonde hair.  I'll just lighten it a bit for you."

Francie considered this for a few seconds, before nodding hesitantly.  After all, it's better than having her dye my hair black, Francie thought.

Sabine handed The Glamoire to Francie.  "Now that we've decided on your Sue-type, read what the book has to say about appearances."

Francie opened the book and began to read from the third chapter.

Ebony, Ivory and Gemstones: Getting the Mary Sue Look

Mary Sues obviously have to be the best looking characters in the Harry Potter Universe.  They will always have perfect hair, gorgeous eyes, and amazing bodies.  Do whatever you must to achieve this look.

Hair

The most popular Mary Sue hair colors are ebony/midnight black, golden blonde, pure silver, and fiery red.  Any dramatic hair color is appropriate.  For example, a punk-oriented Sue should have brightly dyed hair, in electric blue, shocking purple or another suitable color.  Sues will also have perfect highlights/streaks, which are almost always completely natural, even if they are in odd colors, such as maroon, pink or green.  Punk or Goth Sues are the only ones allowed hair dye in the stories.  All other Mary Sues must begin and end the story with natural perfect hair.  Unacceptable hair colors include mousy brown, dirty blonde, carrot-top red and any other non-dramatic and not fatally attractive colors.

A Mary Sue's hair is also blindingly shiny without ever being the least bit greasy.  It is either bone straight, softly waved, or perfectly curled.  Sues never ever have fly-aways, frizz, bushiness, bed-head or bad hair days.  When being attacked/kidnapped/assaulted or while fighting the Dark Lord and Death Eaters, Mary Sues must take great care to keep their hair under control.  For a hair reference point using actual characters, follow this rule: Lucius Malfoy has good hair (perfectly blonde, straight, no frizz, etc.).  Hermione has bad hair (regular brown, bushy, frizzy, etc.).

Eyes

Mary Sue eyes come in a variety of beautiful and exotic colors: chocolate brown, emerald, violet, ice blue, cerulean, silver and many others.  The best Sue will have color changing eyes.  After all, she may need to coordinate her eyes to her fabulous wardrobe.  Any Sue that starts out on the side of evil may have ruby eyes, which may also appear in Good Sues when they are angry.  Gemstone-colored eyes are preferable to all other kinds.  If brown eyes are unavoidable, they must be chocolate brown.  Chocolate eyes have the added advantage of being both beautiful and delicious. 

Mary Sue eyes should be framed by long eyelashes and perfectly plucked eyebrows.  One of Mary Sue's greatest powers is to enchant men with her amazing eyes.  Men do not drown in plain brown or hazel eyes, or even blue or green eyes that are not sapphire or emerald. 

Figure and Skin

Mary Sues have perfect bodies.  They must be between size 0 and size 4, but still have, at the very least, a C-cup bra.  These measurements are irregardless of age.  Some girls develop early, so it is perfectly acceptable to have a first year with an adult body.  After all, she is a Mary Sue, and Mary Sues never have awkward puberty transitions.  A true Mary Sue has curves in all the right places, without having any fat cells.    

A Mary Sue also has to have perfect skin.  Pimples are totally unacceptable.  Freckles may on rare occasions be admissible, but only if they are perfectly positioned on the face.  Most Mary Sues have flawless ivory skin, but some will have light tans (not at all fake looking).  Minority Mary Sues are not as common, but still encountered occasionally.

Francie slammed the book shut in disgust.  "This is why I hate Mary Sues.  No one really looks like that.  No one is perfect in real life."

Sabine sighed again.  "Francesca…"  Francie glared at her.  "Look, you're going to have to get used to that name, whether you like it or not.  Now listen.  You keep failing to realize that this is a Suefic.  Nothing in these stories is real, not by the standards of reality, not even by the standards of the Potterverse.  Do not look for logic or reality.  There is none here."

"Wow.  That was kind of deep."

"Thank you.  Now come over here so I can get started.  We have a lot of work to do."

Francie trudged over to the hairstylist's chair in the corner of the room.  She sat down and waited for Sabine.  The authoress stood at the counter looking through different boxes of hair dye, trying to find just the right color.  She finally settled on a bottle of platinum blonde dye, which she held up for Francie to see.  Francie stared apprehensively at the box and then at Sabine.

"I guess that'll be good."

"You'll look fantastic Francesca, I promise.  Just like a Malfoy."

"You know, you're probably going to get dye all over that dress of yours."

Sabine considered her court dress, with its full skirt and elaborate embroidery.  "You're right.  I'll have to change."

The authoress snapped her fingers yet again and her dress was replaced by an old pair of blue jeans and a faded sweatshirt.  Sabine gasped in relief.  "Lord, that's better!  I'd forgotten how uncomfortable those corsets are.  Now, for the hair dye."

Sabine put a towel around Francie's shoulders and began to apply the dye.  "Don't worry Francesca.  You'll look like a knockout Sue when I'm finished with you."

Francie grimaced.  "That's what I'm afraid of."

A/N:  I am just beyond belief at all the reviews I've received!  Thank you all so much!  Special thanks to Charrie Death for pointing out my error, which I did correct.  Also, to answer your question, I got the names from a variety of sources.  Most of my inspiration for this fic comes from following two livejournals; pottersues and deleterius.  I took some of the names from there and a few from looking around ff.net (or Pit of Voles, as pottersues calls it).  Any mythology names I pulled from The Complete Encyclopedia of Mythology and all Irish names (Aoife, Ciara, and a few others) come from the website "Hylit: Irish Names for Girls" (my poor daughter will probably end up with one!).