A/N: I'm back with a very, very, very, very, very, very sad chapter…………………………….
Disclaimer: See previous chapters.
MEMORIESCHAPTER 31: One More Day
Written by ByeByeBirdie
Remus walked into the room where Kaitlynne was sitting peacefully. The moment he saw her, tears welled up in his eyes and soon they stated flowing down his cheeks, not wanting to stop.
"Oh, Kaitlynne," Remus cried, as he dropped his head close to hers. "Why did this have to happen? I love you so much, Kaitlynne. I don't deserve this. This isn't fair to me. You deserve to live to see your son turn out be a handsome young boy. Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Kaitlynne. I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm going to miss you so much. I've never loved anyone as much as you and I never will. You mean the world to me. You always have." The tears fell harder down his cheeks and splashed on to Kaitlynne's face as well. He kissed them away and pushed the few hairs on her face out of the way. He kissed her on the forehead once more and grabbed her cold, clammy hand. "I can't say it enough, but I love you so much and I'll never forget that. I'll never forget you. You might be taken away from me, but your memory will live on. You changed me and I thank you for that. Thanks for being my best friend, my lover, and my wife. I couldn't ask for anyone better."
One more day; one more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
One more smile, one more tear
One more day left with you here
One more section; one more part
One more piece of your little heart
But then again, I know what it'd all do
Just leave me wishing still for one more day with you
Remus burst into uncontrollable tears at that moment and couldn't stop. They just kept flowing down his cheeks as he thought about the wonderful life he's been blessed with, with Kaitlynne by his side. He couldn't remember a time in his life that he was upset with her or angry with her or confused. She accepted him with arms wide open and now…now those arms have been shut closed. He had no one now. His life would be forever empty.
He didn't know if he could do it.
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Although Remus' eyes were still all splotchy and red, he finally stopped crying and left her room with one final good-bye before walking towards the room where Dr. Stevens was with Landon.
Remus held Landon and rocked him back and forth. "It's just you and me now, little buddy," Remus whispered, kissing him on the forehead. "I love you, you know. You're all I have left," Remus whispered. "But we'll make it. I know we will."
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Remus finally walked out into the waiting room where all of his friends were waiting.
"Remus," Lily said breathlessly, immediately standing up. "What did the doctor have to tell you? You were gone for a pretty long time."
A lump formed in Remus' throat. "Landon…Landon's in good condition and he's healthier than ever."
"Oh, that's great," Allie said with a beaming smile.
"What about Kaitlynne?" James asked full of concern. "How's she doing?"
"Can we see her now?" Allie asked eagerly.
Just the sound of her name sent a sharp pain straight to Remus' heart, and the tears welled up in his eyes, but he wiped them away quickly, not wanting his friends to see. He couldn't say anything, due to the lump formed in his throat, so he didn't answer Allie. He suddenly found great interest in the mud stains on the carpeting on the ground.
"Remus?" Savannah said, putting her hand on his shoulder.
"She…" he whispered, forcing it out so that his voice came out scratchy and shakily. He looked up at all of his friends' concerned faces, and then looked down at the ground and sighed. He hesitated for a second before finally answering. "She's gone," he eventually spit out, as the uncontrollable tears slipped down his cheeks once again.
They all stood there in absolute shock, with no sounds except the sobs coming from Remus' mouth.
Finally, Lily leaned in and wrapped her arms around Remus' neck, who wept into Lily's hair soaking it with his tears. Remus heard Lily eventually break down and felt the wet, cold tears from her eyes on his cheeks. She squeezed him tighter and realized that she'd never talk to Kaitlynne again. She'd never laugh, never cry, never even see her again. She realized it was the end…they all realized that it would never be the eight of them again. No more Marauders and Honorary Marauders. It wasn't fair to Kaitlynne or to Remus or to Landon or to anyone. She was so young. She still had a whole lifetime ahead of her. It just wasn't fair…
A second later, Remus felt them all squeezing him and Lily and just knowing that he was with them and he could count on them at any time made him feel a bit better. But as an image of Kaitlynne floated through his mind, he sobbed harder into Lily's hair, realizing that the last words of Kaitlynne's to him were 'I love you.'
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"Honestly, I don't know what to say right now," Remus started at the funeral a few days later solemnly. "The only thing that really comes to mind is the only thing that ever mattered: I loved her. I loved her more than anything or anyone. I loved her more than life itself. In fact…she was my life and no one will ever understand how hard it is to stand up here and pretend like my life is going to be move along, because it won't. It can't. Not without her. I never thought my life could be as perfect as it was with her in it. She wasn't just a person. She was my person; my friend; my companion; my lover…and my wife. She was everything to me. She was a reason for living. She was my reason for living. I'd wake up in the morning and seeing her made me smile. Whenever she was there, I was happy. Whenever she wasn't, I was sad. She made me who I am today and I don't regret for any second," Remus said with a tiny smile, as a single tear rolled down his cheek.
He continued, "We would be sitting at the dinner table at night and I always asked her to promise that I would die first just because she deserves a long and happy life and shouldn't let anything stop her from being happy. She would always laugh it off and tell me that I was crazy to even think about it. And I never thought I'd be thinking about it. I was always joking around as well as she was, but today is no joke. Here I am," Remus trembled. "And thinking about it makes the situation a whole lot worse," Remus added, as another tears rolled down his cheek…and another…followed by a whole set of irrepressible tears cascaded down his cheeks.
He hesitated, afraid that he might not be able to go on, but he knew he had to…if not for himself, then for Kaitlynne. "A very wise person once said 'It's better to have loved and lost…than to never have loved at all.' I'm afraid to admit that it's true. I loved her with all my heart and I have lost her…but when she passed away, she took my heart with her. She is my heart," Remus trembled. "And I am forever hers. Unfortunately, she'll only remain a memory," he choked up. "Because here I am…on a day that I will never forget. On a day that I didn't think would come for years. On a day that…that will change my life forever. She passed away happily and unfortunately I will not be doing the same. Because without her in my life…I will never be as happy as I ever was."
He took a seat with the rest of his friends, trying hard not to let anyone see him in pain, but the moment Kaitlynne's smile flashed through his mind, tears were slipping down his cheeks like a leaky faucet and there was nothing he could do about it. He just lost the best thing that has ever happened to him and he didn't know if he could live his life anymore.
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"Come on, answer the phone, Remus," Lily muttered into her phone as all she could hear was the ringing from the other side for the sixth time. "Where are you?" she urged. She waited a few more minutes until it rang for a fourteenth time and finally hung up the phone.
"He's still not there," Lily informed everyone else. They just had Kaitlynne's funeral, on August 8, and James and Lily agreed to have the reception at their house. Oddly though, Remus left straight after the funeral with Landon and none of them have been able to keep in touch. It's already been five hours afterwards and all of the relatives and family and friends had left, besides Savannah, Sirius, Allie, Peter, Josh, and the kids—Leigh, Elizabeth, Jenna, and Cole.
"He needs us right now," Savannah thought out loud.
"I can't believe he'd just run off without telling us," James muttered.
"This is the fifth time he's done it this week," Josh reminded.
"I know," Allie sighed.
"He's not being fair to himself or to anyone else," Sirius pointed out.
"Where would he go?" Peter wondered.
"Why would he go?" Savannah commented.
"What would he do?" Allie asked.
"Why is he always gone for so long?" James wondered.
"Why doesn't he ever tell us where he goes?" Sirius asked.
"Why would he worry us like this?" Josh said.
Lily looked at them for a second. "You guys, he's hurting. He just wants some alone time. He just needs to think about everything and with us surrounding him, it doesn't help any," she said logically.
They all looked at the sensible thinker of the group and digested her words. It was true, but they hated knowing it.
Allie started, "I just feel so useless."
"Vain," Savannah agreed.
"Defenseless," James agreed.
"Unsupportive," Josh agreed.
"Worthless," Peter agreed.
"Ineffectual," Sirius agreed.
"…Helpless," Lily finished.
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Two days later, Remus showed up at Savannah and Sirius' house unexpectedly with Landon in his arms.
"Remus!" Savannah cried, throwing her arms around Remus' neck.
"Hey Savannah," he said breathlessly.
"We've all been so worried."
"Oh, don't be. I actually came to ask you a favor."
"Sure, anything," Savannah agreed, a little bewildered why Remus didn't look at all upset about what had happened earlier in the week, but she wasn't about to remind him either.
"Could you possibly watch Landon for a little while?"
Savannah should have known that was coming. That's all Remus had been wanting for the past week: a baby-sitter. He's been randomly showing up at everyone's homes and asking them to watch Landon for 'a little while.'
Savannah hesitated before nodding. "Yeah, I'd love to. But are you sure you don't want to come in for a bit and sit down and relax?"
"No, I'm actually late for work now," Remus protested.
Savannah couldn't help but think that Remus shouldn't be putting work ahead of his feelings, but she didn't want to say anything. "Are you sure you don't want to come in?"
"Yeah, but thanks anyway. Tell Sirius I say hi."
Savannah nodded. "Okay."
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The next day, Remus showed up on their doorsteps early in the morning. "God, I'm so sorry that I left him here with you for so long. Work took much longer than expected…and I had a lot of thinking to do."
"It's no problem, Remus," Sirius assured. "He was a great kid and not that hard to take care of."
"Really? Well, I'm glad."
"Besides, you've got a lot on your mind and you have every right to leave him here at our house for as long as you need to," Sirius continued.
Remus nodded, as a huge lump formed in his throat. "Landon helps with everything, though. He reminds me of Kaitlynne in every way—he has her eyes and her mouth and he's always so cheerful. He also gets my mind off of her for a while and listens carefully when I talk about her…which may be because he can't talk-" Sirius and Remus chuckled, "-but it's still nice."
Sirius nodded sympathetically. "Listen, Remus, you know we're all here for you and that we'd always listen when you talk."
Remus swallowed hard and nodded. "I-I know, but it's different. I mean, I'm trying to forget everything and seeing you all and talking to you all just makes it hurt even more."
I haven't been staying' high
And I've been feeling sorry for myself
And I've been resurrecting my fortress to protect myself
Sirius looked at him with a surprised look. "Remus, you don't have to forget her. No one expects you to and you shouldn't expect yourself to."
Remus nodded with a lump in his throat. "Sirius…it just hurts so much. I go home and realize I'm never going to walk into the kitchen with a nice dinner on the table again and I'm never going to walk over to her, thank her, and give her a kiss ever again, and I'm never going to have our long, fun talks we had at dinner ever again. Everything's going to change…and I hate it. And it's just easier to try and forget."
"Remus, don't try and forget. She'll always be a memory, therefore you can't forget. The only thing you have to try and do, is get some closure."
"I-I don't want it."
"I know," Sirius said, looking him directly in the eye.
Remus shut his eyes for a second and fluttered them open. "I-I'm going to miss her so much."
"We all are," Sirius said gently.
Shattered
Tired, beaten, worn down and tattered
Can you hear me?
What do you expect out of me?
I've been buried alive and screaming
Can't you see?
Remus nodded and looked down at the sleeping baby in his arms. "Thanks for listening, Sirius, but I've got to be heading home."
Sirius nodded, afraid that he was just running from the truth, but he didn't say anything. "Okay."
"Listen, thanks again for watching Landon. And I'll see you around," Remus said and he left.
Savannah came up behind Sirius. "Hey, honey, I'm heading to Diagon Alley for some shopping if that's okay with you."
Sirius nodded. "That's fine. Are you going to take Elizabeth or Leigh with you?"
Savannah paused. "Maybe I'll take Leigh with me."
"Why, so you can get all the hotties looking your way with the adorable baby?" Sirius joked with a wink.
"Nah, I've already got my hottie," Savannah teased. "Hmmm…I wonder where James is right now anyway."
They both laughed. "Are you having an affair?" Sirius said with a fake hurt expression on his face.
"I might be."
"I'm not satisfying enough?"
"Does Leigh answer that question??"
They both laughed, and Sirius kissed her.
"Can you take care of Elizabeth for a while?" Savannah asked.
Sirius nodded and gave her another big kiss. "That will be fine."
"Great. Thanks, hon," Savannah said. "And be careful with her!! She's starting to realize that green crayon writes on walls."
Sirius laughed. "What about the red crayons? You can't forget those!"
Savannah laughed. "Okay, well you can join in with the red crayons, and the blue ones if you like, because you're the one who will be cleaning it up."
He laughed. "I'll watch her carefully. Have fun, sweetheart."
"I love you, honey."
"I love you, too," Sirius said, winking at her. "And I wuv you too, you cute wittle baby Leigh," Sirius said, giving his youngest daughter butterfly kisses. Luckily Leigh didn't notice, because she was asleep, or she might have started to yelp as Savannah grinned. She knew Sirius would make the perfect father…and he was.
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"Lily?" Savannah said with a surprised look n her face, seeing her in the Owl Post Office about two hours later.
"Savannah?" she cried, surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"Getting Sirius' Joke Shop mail. What about you?"
"I'm actually just picking up the Daily Prophet pre-approved bundle sent here so Maya can give it a look-over and make her final decisions."
"Oh, okay. So, have you eaten lunch, yet?"
"Actually, no. I was just about to ask you the same question. Would you like to join me at Fruitfly?"
"Sounds good, but I have to make a stop at Gringott's to withdraw some more money. But you go ahead and get us a table because I'm sure it's probably crowded about now."
Lily nodded. "Okay, I'll see you in about twenty minutes, then." She walked towards Fruitfly, a great restaurant that had nice waiters and very fast service.
"Three, please," Lily said to the maitre'd. "And a kid's booster seat."
Five minutes after she was led to a table there was a loud, shattering commotion and the windows of the restaurant shattered and crumbled to the floor, hitting Lily with a piece of glass. Lily brought her hand to her face and realized it had cut her cheek. She stood there in shock, wondering what had happened.
Everyone ran to the open windows, as well as Lily, and Lily immediately gasped and simultaneously forgot about the gash in her cheek.
Gringotts Bank was nothing but a shattered, damaged, collapsed pile of stone in the middle of Diagon Alley now.
Lily started trembling, realizing Savannah was inside. She jumped out of the window and on to the street, but instead of following the crowd who was rushing towards the Leaky Cauldron and outside Diagon Alley, she ran towards the bank. She already realized that a bunch of wizard patrolmen and policemen and firemen were at the scene of the crime. Wow, they're fast… Lily couldn't help but think. But they always got the call as soon as an accident has happened and apparating didn't take long at all.
She stood barely five yards away from the scene of the crime, just standing there, not being able to move. She couldn't help but think that the bank was nothing now. It literally was…nothing. A few minutes later, after the shock sunk in, Lily started climbing over tons of debris towards the entrance to the underground railway, but a policeman stopped her.
"Ma'am, you can't go in there. Only authorized personnel. I'm sorry."
"But…no…my friend…no…why…what..." Lily stuttered, all of her thoughts jumbling into one sentence.
"I'm sorry, Miss," he repeated looking at his clipboard, obviously not that sorry.
Lily finally got her thoughts sorted out and grabbed the man's arm. "What happened?"
The man looked at her and sighed. "Voldemort struck again."
Lily gasped and brought her hands to her mouth. "But…how?"
The man gave her a once-over and hesitated before answering. "That's personal information."
"No, please. My friend and her daughter were in there!! I need to know what happened! Please, sir!" she begged.
"I'm sorry, miss."
"Look, officer," Lily said harshly. "My friend's husband is at home thinking that she's going to do some shopping, eat lunch, spend some time with her three week old baby, and then come home!!! I don't think he thought about a building blowing up with his wife inside!!! So, with all do respect, please just tell me what happened before I go absolutely crazy!!" she yelled.
He stepped back a bit. "Fine, but I'm only going to tell you the basics. Because as an officer, I-"
"Just get on with it!!" Lily cried.
The officer stepped back a little more, afraid that Lily would hit him or something. "Um…well, so far, seven bombs have been found in the building…and they've all been fired off."
"Bombs??"
"Yes, Miss."
"But…but…what about the people? The goblins?"
The man looked at her as if she was growing two extra heads. "I'm sorry, but anyone inside the building at the time didn't make it out in time. I'm sorry about your friend and her daughter, but if the blow didn't hit them…then they suffocated from smoke and the collapsing of the buildings."
A/N: I change my mind. That was the hardest chapter……I think Savannah was my favorite character in this story, and I hated knowing that she had to die. I know it's just a story, but I can't help but feel depressed…..
Anyway, those songs were: "One More Day," by Lonestar and "Fortress" by Sister Hazel.
