A/N: Yay, I'm back and I'm updating. With college applications done and nothing to do after school, I'll have time to do more. Yay. Be happy. Unfortunately, more sad things will be coming up………….
Disclaimer: You know how this does. Just see previous chapters.
MEMORIESCHAPTER 32: Good-bye To You
Written by ByeByeBirdie
Lily froze in absolute terror, not wanting to believe it. She refused to believe that her best friend was down there…dead. She refused to believe that in the past week, two of her best friends had passed away. A single tear rolled down her cheek…and then another. And then a bunch fell down her cheeks and she stood in the streets of Diagon Alley alone and solitary, sobbing.
It can't be, Lily thought. I just saw her five minutes ago!! She has to be alive!! It's not fair!!
Lily brought her hands to her face and sunk herself down to the concrete. "No…no…it can't be…no," Lily repeated wearily.
But it had happened. Her best friend and the baby had just died…and there was nothing she could do about it.
And she knew what she had to do…only, she didn't think Sirius would take it half as well as she did.
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"Good work, Wormtail…and on the same day his mother died," Voldemort cackled with an evil grin. "This is all better than I though it would turn out to be."
"Yessss, ssssir."
"We have to make them suffer before we go in and kill them and their ugly baby."
"Then what now, Massssster?"
"We shall play a little game with them. We see how many people are related to them and their little friends and then we kill them all!!" Voldemort cackled. "Mwahahahaha!"
"It sssssoundsssss like a good plan!"
"It is a good plan, Wormtail!" Voldemort cried. "James Potter will be mine one day and I can't wait until that day comes. He's ruined me for the past five years!!! He's ruined everything I've ever done!! He's sent all of my assistants to Azkaban and his little bitch of a wife gives him all of my information that he needs!! THEY DESERVE TO DIE FOR IT …AND THEY WILL!!"
Wormtail backed up a bit as Voldemort slowly, and angrily, crept closer to him. "Yessss, sssssir. And I will help you."
"You're all I have left, Wormtail. Don't let me down," Voldemort warned.
"Yessss, Masssster."
"Just keep giving me information. This is what I need and you're the only person who can help me."
"Yesssss, Lord."
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Knock, knock. Sirius was sitting in the living room browsing over an order form that was in his hand and comparing it to a box he has just received, when he heard the slow, steady knock on the front door. He turned to look at Elizabeth, who was happily playing on the floor with her toys, and stood up to answer the door.
"Lily?" Sirius said, surprised that Lily was there at the moment. "Hey, what are you doing here?
Lily didn't answer him and stood there with a stiff, rigid expression on her face with obvious pain shown.
"Lily? Are you okay?" Sirius said, full of concern as he practically ran by her side and put his arm on her shoulder.
Tears brimmed in Lily's eyelids and she took a deep breath in and out as she closed her eyes for a second before they fluttered open.
"What happened to your cheek?" Sirius said, brushing over the wound.
Lily brought her hand to it, forgetting that it had happened, but it didn't seem to matter to her anymore.
"Lily…" Sirius drew out, getting a little scared.
Lily took another deep breath and turned towards Sirius' eyes. She opened her mouth and closed it a couple of times before clamping her mouth shut, afraid of what was going to come out.
"Lily…" Sirius warned forcefully. "What's wrong??" he demanded. "You're really scaring me."
Lily finally began to talk. "I-I was in Diagon Alley today."
"Oh…Savannah was there," Sirius thought out loud.
Lily nodded, trying not to cry. "I know."
"Oh, did you see her?"
That was it. Lily broke down into uncontrollable sobs as she threw her arms around Sirius' neck. She didn't know how to tell him. She hated being the one that had to do it.
Sirius paused before putting his arms around her waist, as he tried to understand what she was driving at. "What happened?"
Lily didn't answer straight away and instead continued to bawl into Sirius' hair. She gripped tighter on to Sirius and thought about Savannah out there in the middle of the afternoon…dead on the floor somewhere. It just wasn't fair at all. Savannah was planning on going into Diagon Alley, hanging out for a little, do her shopping, get some money, get the mail, and return home to her loving family…especially her husband. Death was not on her agenda today, and it sure wasn't a thought in Sirius' mind.
"Lily?"
Lily sighed. "Voldemort blew up Gringott's Bank today…with seven bombs," Lily finally spoke. "Maybe more."
"Oh, my God!!" Sirius cried, absolutely outraged. "But…but how? When? Why?"
"I-I don't know," Lily said shakily.
"Are you okay?"
Lily found the courage to shrug. "No…"
He held on to her tightly but didn't say anything immediately. He hesitated before speaking. "That doesn't sound good…"
Lily squeezed her eyes tight, still with her arms around Sirius' neck and shoulders.
"Where are Savannah and Leigh? Are they alright?" Sirius asked shakily.
Lily trembled in fear, afraid to give Sirius the bad news herself. She didn't know what to do or say at that point. She didn't want to let Sirius down but she was filled with too much guilt at the thought of not telling Sirius the truth.
"Lily…please tell me what's wrong……….." Sirius said slowly, stroking her back adoringly. "You're really scaring me, Lils…"
Lily sobbed even more into his jet-black, straight hair. "Sirius…" Lily started quietly.
"Yes…?" he drew out, wondering what the heck was going on.
Lily took a deep breath in and out and as she thought about her next words, the tears fell harder and faster. Harder than she ever thought was possible. Faster than anyone could ever have imagined. Tears for her best friend. Tears for Leigh. Tears for Sirius. Tears for her friends and her. Tears for life. Tears for…death. "Savannah and Leigh were inside Gringotts, Si."
Sirius literally froze and now he knew what could be the worst possible scenario. Lily could feel his grip lessen and when she looked up, she saw him staring at the ground with wide eyes and his lip was trembling. He eventually lifted his eyes and looked directly into Lily's eyes.
"A-Are th-they…are…are they…" he stuttered, "A-Are th-they o-okay?" he trembled in fear, already knowing the answer.
She gave him one of the most tortured looks that she had ever given him and contorted her face with more sadness and more misery. The look on his face was pain enough for her to break down again. "I-I'm so sorry," she whispered.
Before he or she knew what was happening, he was screaming. "NOOOOOOO!" he shouted into the musty afternoon air as he brought his hands to his face and literally dropped to the floor sobbing into the palms of his hands. A few seconds later, he felt Lily drop to the porch beside him and drape her arm around his shoulders. She bawled even more, more for Sirius than just Savannah and Leigh. She knew she'd never feel all of the pain he was going through, but she had an empty spot in her heart now…and it kept getting worse every time she looked up and saw the damp tears, stained on Sirius' cheeks.
"It's not fair," he whispered.
Lily choked up and didn't know what to say. She looked up at him again and the tears just started falling naturally. She didn't even realize she was soaking his shirt with her tears until she picked up her head again.
Lily and Sirius sat there for a good twenty minutes, saying nothing. Just staying in a tight hug, sobbing into each other's clothes and hair, realizing that they'd never even see Savannah or Leigh again.
Eventually, Sirius had the courage to pull away from Lily. "Why did he have to do this? Why to me? Why now?" Sirius wondered out loud.
And then it hit her. The words of Dumbledore when he came to visit her in the hospital with Harry. I also want to warn you two to watch your family and friends. Voldemort has a way of torturing certain wizards and witches by murdering people quite close to them… he had said.
Lily stared at the ground for a few seconds in absolute terror and brought her hands to her mouth in fear. She opened her mouth to speak to Sirius, but closed it quickly when she saw the look on his face. She couldn't tell him. She couldn't hurt him even more. She had to hold back…she was too afraid of what Sirius might do. So she tried to shake it off the best she could…
She didn't want to admit that it was her fault.
"Oh, Sirius," she moaned. "I'm so sorry. I…I…I don't know what to say."
He nodded, as if to agree. "I just want her back. I want her to walk up this walkway with my daughter in her hands with that big smile she always has on her face. I want to see her one last time. I want to feel her. I want…I just want her back, Lily!!" he whined.
"Shhh, it's okay," Lily soothed, giving him another hug. "These things take time, Sirius. I don't expect anything from you any time soon. Just remember I'm always here to talk. I want you to come talk to me if you need to."
Sirius nodded. "Yeah," he agreed. "It hasn't sunk in, yet. It won't until tonight when I realize there won't be another warm body beside me in bed," he thought out loud. "She…she's gone," he whispered into the cloudy, putrid air.
When Lily was able to glance up at Sirius, she knew that he was unbearably depressed. And there was nothing she could do to make it better.
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Sirius didn't even show up for the funeral the next day.
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"Sirius!!" Lily yelled after the fifth knock an hour after the funeral, when she was able to sneak away from the reception at her house. "Answer this door this instant!!!"
Still no answer.
"Come on, Sirius!! I know you're in there!"
Still no answer.
"SIRIUS BLACK!!!!" Lily cried once again with a louder knock.
"Yilly!" a tiny voice said from behind.
Lily whirled around. "Elizabeth?? What are you doing outside??"
"Excuse me?" a quiet voice said from behind the bushes next door.
Lily looked and saw Daniella Suaven, his neighbor, standing there. "Daniella?" Lily questioned.
"Lily??" she cried, sounding surprised.
"Yeah…um…hi. How have you been doing?"
Daniella smiled. "I've been fine. And I couldn't help but overhear your…perpetual shoutings for Sirius."
Lily blushed. "I…I just really needed to talk to him," she explained.
"I hope it's nothing too severe," she said, full of concern.
Lily sighed. "Oh…I guess he hadn't told you or anyone at that matter, but…but his wife died yesterday," she said, choking up a bit.
"Oh, my God," Daniella gasped. "I…I don't know what to say. She was such a sweetheart. Always stopping to chat or whatnot every morning when we'd leave for work. She was such a wonderful person. I'm so sorry," Daniella said gravely.
Lily gave her a weak smile. "Thank you. And I think Sirius might need to hear that," Lily said full of sorrow. "And, well…I haven't been able to get a hold of Sirius since I saw him yesterday afternoon and I'm getting worried."
"Well, he just left about ten minutes to go somewhere and left me to watch Elizabeth," Daniella explained.
Lily paused. "Oh. Thanks," she said, confused. Where would he have to go at a time like this?? Lily thought angrily. Maybe Sirius might not feel the need to be at the funeral but he could have gone for his wife and baby!! Wait… And then it hit her.
"I know where he is," she muttered.
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Sirius' tears fell on to Savannah's clean headstone. "Why you? Why me? It's just not fair," he sobbed. "I love you so much, Savannah, and I'll never forget that," he said, bawling into his hands. "It's not fair…it's just not fair. I'm not sure if it's possible, but every day as I woke up and saw you sleeping right beside me, I fell in love with you all over again. And now I can't do that anymore. I love you, Savannah. I love you so much it hurts. Or maybe it's just the fact that I will never see you ever again," he said painfully. "Maybe that's what hurts so much…That is what hurts so much."
He continued, crying harder, "Why did this have to happen? And to me? I don't deserve this. There's no way I'll ever be able to get over you. I'll never forget you and I'll never let go of you. As long as you're gone, I'm gone. I've lost you…and I've lost everything. You were my everything. It just seems that nothing matters anymore…no, nothing does matter anymore."
"The first time I saw you, I never thought we could ever be friends, let alone husband and wife. But as we grew up, I felt something for you I didn't think was possible. And from that day, I knew I had loved you…and I always would. And it remained like that for the next eighteen years. We've been through rough times, and we've always been able to get through them…but this is different. Because I know I'll never be able to be your friend again…or your boyfriend…or your husband. And that's what kills the most inside. Knowing I'll never hold you into my arms again. Knowing that I'll never kiss you again or hug you again or even touch you again. Knowing that I'll never be able to even speak to you again or hear your voice again. Knowing that…that we're finally over."
Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing I tried to hold on to
"I don't want to have to say good-bye. I know I have to at some point, I just don't want it to be now…today. I've already said it once in my lifetime and it hurt so much. It was unbearable and then I knew you were still out there. Now…you're not. I'm too afraid to say good-bye. I'm afraid that once I say it…it's final. And I don't want it to be. It's just…not fair. There are no other two words to describe this empty feeling in my heart. Without you and Leigh in my life…my heart isn't worth anything anymore."
He paused and rubbed his finger over the shiny engraving of her tombstone, realizing that the only reason he was talking was just so that he didn't have to hear the silence. "And Leigh was only a few weeks old. She didn't even have a chance to see anything. It's not fair. I have lost two of the most important people to me…on the same day and-"
"Sirius," a voice whispered from behind him.
Sirius froze when he heard his name being called and didn't even turn around.
"Sirius," Lily repeated, walking closer to him.
Sirius turned his head in the opposite direction, as the tears fell harder down his cheeks and splashed into the grass. He put his head into his hands and wept like a five-year-old.
"I'm so sorry," Lily whispered, kneeling beside him and putting her hand on his shoulder.
Sirius didn't answer her and Lily figured he wouldn't, but just seeing him in this much pain, made the tears well up in her eyes.
"We're here for you, Sirius," Lily whispered. "We always are."
Sirius barely gave her a nod, without even look over at her. He didn't want to let Lily see how much pain he was in and how much he had just lost. But somehow…he had guessed that she already knew.
"I never even had a chance to say good-bye," he whispered.
Lily looked up at him with a surprised look on her face. She didn't expect him to say anything. "No one did," Lily whispered back.
Sirius closed his eyes, and a picture of Savannah filled his mind. Her memories came flooding back and he could hear her voice…see her smile…smell her perfume. It was almost as if she were there. He sobbed even harder, thinking of her. His life was crumbling slowly and the memory of Savannah would always live on in his mind…in his heart…in his soul. Nothing could take her memory away…but he wish that nothing could have taken her from him since the beginning.
"There's no point," he said, barely audible.
Lily gave him a blank and confused look. "To what?"
"To anything. To everything. To life… The two most important people to me just died…on the same day. Nothing's ever going to matter anymore. It hurts too much and I don't know how to handle it," Sirius said, as Lily drew him closer to her.
"Shhhh, it's going to be okay. There are so many people in this world who care about you, Sirius, and that's not going to change. I know it hurts and I know it's going to take time. You're not going to forget her, Sirius. You just have to learn how to let go."
"I can't…I'm too afraid. I…I don't want to."
"I know," Lily answered, as a few tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked over Sirius' head, on her shoulders, and ended up looking at the gravestones of Leigh and of Savannah. "I know."
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"Professor?" a voice said, peeking her head into Dumbledore's office.
"Why, I wasn't expecting you, Minerva!"
"I know, but I have important, and depressing, new for you," she replied sternly.
"What is it now?" he asked, full of concern, looking up from the letters on his desk.
"It's Voldemort."
"What? I thought he was finally pulling back! I thought we stopped him in Cambodia two months ago."
"He has struck again," she said solemnly.
"Where? When? How? Why?"
"Yesterday afternoon in Diagon Alley. Nine bombs were found in the entirety and seven had been shot off," Professor McGonnagal explained with a grave and earnest expression on her face. "No one in the building or the underground rail lines survived. Either the blow had instantly killed them or…or they suffocated."
"Who was inside?"
"Luckily, it was a Wednesday so it wasn't very busy. But Professor Wiggins was inside, President of the Dark Arts Association Against Crime and Purity, Council Bernadette Cortette, Ministry Advisor Tora Devry, the Foreign Minister of Mexico Andres Lopez, and a bunch of former students."
Dumbledore sighed, and immediately packed up the letters and stood up abruptly. "Any suspicions as to why he did it?"
"No, and he hasn't been spotted since. Nothing has happened since."
Dumbledore sighed again and started walking towards the door. "I've got to get to the Ministry now, so please take care of things around here."
"Yes, sir."
Dumbledore opened the door, but stopped to think about something for a second. He turned around slowly to Professor McGonnagal and opened his mouth to speak, but closed it.
"Yes, Professor?"
"Um…were any of the deceased related to the Potters in any way?"
Professor McGonnagal was taken aback by his question. "Wh-what?"
"I know it's an odd question, but I need to know if this is of any relevance to another predicament that I happen to know about."
"Well…er…Savannah Black and her daughter, Leigh, were inside and a distant cousin of Lily Potter, Trisha McEntire," Professor McGonnagal replied with obvious confusion as she bowed her head down in grief.
Dumbledore didn't say anything as he heard the name of Savannah Black being listed and turned his attention to the ground. He knew it was related, but he wasn't about to say it out loud. "Thank you," he sighed. He turned towards the window and said a silent prayer for everyone relating to the Potters. He knew they were in danger…but he wasn't sure how to help them.
A/N: I'm not sure if this story could get any sadder………………….. "Good-bye To You", is by Michelle Branch.
