A/N: I know it's been a while, but with the holidays, it's been very stressful.  However, now I'm ready to update and get this story finished!  Yay!!  Oh, and by the way, this story will probably not get any happier so beware.  I'm warning you now, GRAB A BOX OF TISSUES!

Disclaimer: You know the drill.  Just see previous chapters.

MEMORIES

CHAPTER 33: The Causes

Written by ByeByeBirdie

            Sirius was, yet again, wallowing in self-pity watching When Harry Met Sally, bawling his eyes out.  And not necessarily for the movie; mostly just for himself and Savannah and Leigh.

            Knock, knock.

            Sirius turned his head abruptly towards the door.  He wasn't sure what was going on in his mind.  Just the thought that maybe it could be Savannah floated through the back of his mind.  He wasn't sure why…or how, but the thought definitely crossed his mind.

            He stood up slowly and leisurely and went to open the door tediously. 

            "Hi," the person said.

            Instead of happiness, Sirius was filled with anger and frustration.  "What are you doing here?" he said, through gritted teeth.

            "You weren't at the funeral."

            "No shit, Sherlock."

            "Sirius, I just needed to talk to you again."

            "Well, I don't want to talk to you."

            "I know.  But I'm not leaving until you listen to me."

            "Dad, you're the last person I want standing at this door right now.  And the one person I want to be standing there will never stand there again!!!!!" Sirius cried.  "Because she died!!"

            "I'm so sorry, Sirius."

            "Are you??" he asked angrily.

            "Of course I am!!"

            "How can you be sorry that one of the closest persons that I have ever known is now gone…when another one of the most important people to me in my life died because of you?"

            "Sirius, I didn't come here to be yelled at."

            "Then why'd you come here in the first place?"

            "Because even though you don't want to believe it, I do love you.  You're my son, Sirius, and I will never forget that."

            Sirius' nose flared and his eyes narrowed as he clenched his fists together.  "Yeah, but unfortunately for you, I have forgotten that you are my father."

            Silas Black stared back at Sirius expressionless.  Sirius knew that he had hurt him, but he also knew that Silas deserved it. 

            "Sirius, I feel completely responsible," Silas finally spoke.

            "For what?" Sirius spat.

            Silas sighed.  "For Savannah's death."

            "What?" Sirius cried out.

            "Well…today is the day that…" Silas said, trailing off, bowing his head in shame.

            Then it hit Sirius.  Fifteen years earlier, on the day of Savannah's death as well…August 11, his mother died. SAME DAMN DAY!! Sirius couldn't help but think.

            Coincidence?  Sirius didn't think so.  Sirius has never been as angry as he was right then and there looking into the eyes of not only his father…but a murderer, as well. 

            Sirius didn't even know what to say.  His whole body started to tremble and shake and memories of his mother flood back to him. 

~ ~ ~ ~ F L A S H B A C K ~ ~ ~ ~

            "James called, Mom!" Sirius shouted up the stairs.  "I'm heading over to his house for a while.  I'll be back in a few hours or so," Sirius said, grabbing a cookie before heading into the dining room to use Floo Powder.

            "Are you sure?  I'm going shoe shopping, if you'd rather come along and do that," Francesca Black teased her son trampling down the stairs.

            "Mo-om!" Sirius complained.

            "Or flower hunting?"

            "MOM!"

            "No?  Are you sure?  You can always change your mind."

            "Can I just leave before you start dressing me up like a doll or something?"

            She threw back her head and laughed.  "Fine, but grab a sweater.  It's supposed to rain later."

            "Mom," he whined.  "I'll be fine."

            "I know you two will be mostly playing Quidditch, and if it gets cold you're going to remember this moment where I told you to get a sweater…and then an hour later the moment where I say 'I told you so!'"

            Sirius had to laugh.  "Fine, fine.  But once I do, will you shut up?"

            She grinned.  "Yes."

            Sirius jumped the stairs by twos and threw open his closet door to rummage around for a clean sweater.  When he didn't spot one, he went straight to his floor for all of the dirty ones and grabbed a rather rugged-looking sweater.  He started down the stairs when suddenly he heard the door fling open.  He stopped running and slowly crept down the stairs, when suddenly he heard his mother scream.

            "Mom?" he said, bewildered, rushing down the stairs again.

            "Silas, what are you doing here!?" she cried, full of fear.

            "I came to do my duty for my master."

            Suddenly a black-cloaked figured swooped into the room and Sirius felt a shiver run from his neck all the way down his back.

            "Move aside, Silas," the figure said icily.

            Sirius gasped as the person's head turned his way and he instantly recognized his father.

            Voldemort slowly and silently raised his wand above his head, but Sirius jumped the last four stairs and ran towards his mother.  "NO!!  You can't do this!"

            "Move aside, boy!  I don't want you!"

            "I don't care!  If you want her, you'll have to take me as well!!"

            "No, Sirius," his mother strained.  "You're too young.  Let nature take its course."

            "Sirius, move," his father said firmly.

            "Do something!!" Sirius screamed at his father.

            "I am doing something," he replied in a low, deep, stern voice.

            "No, this was your wife!!  Doesn't that mean anything!?!?  Don't let this happen!!  Don't just stand there!!!!" Sirius shrieked.

            "MOVE AWAY, BOY!!" Voldemort screamed loudly.

            "No!  I won't!  I ref-"

            "Peteramica Duralus!" Silas cried as a streak of orange light filled the air and levitated Sirius into the air and smashed him into the kitchen's table.

            "Avada Kedavra," an icy, deep, scratchy voice hissed out slowly and evilly.

            This time a stronger streak of light filled the air, but this time with a blinding green light, and then smoke started filling up.  Sirius coughed a few times and tried to brush away the smoke.  Two seconds later, there was a better view of the room.

            Sirius stood up abruptly and saw that the front door was still creaking after the departure of Voldemort and Silas. 

            Sirius looked towards the ground and his heart stopped beating.  For in the center of the room, lay his mother, motionless…and dead.

            "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Sirius cried out in agony, rushing to his mother's side.  But he knew it was over.  He knew that Voldemort had just killed his mother and his father didn't do anything to stop him.

            Before Sirius knew what he was doing, he ran upstairs and grabbed his broom, flying into the air under James' Invisibility Cloak and to somewhere far away to wallow in self-pity.  He didn't want to be anywhere near the scene of the crime.  He didn't want to be there if Voldemort came back.  He just…he just wanted his mother back.

~ ~ ~ ~ E N D   O F    F L A S H B A C K ~ ~ ~ ~

            "You did this," Sirius scolded icily with a deep, coarse voice, as he instantly narrowed his eyes and an irate expression set like stone on his face.  If looks could kill, Silas would have been dead on the floor in seconds.

            "No, Sirius, I-"

            "Get out," Sirius said with a raspy voice as he gritted his teeth together.

            "Sirius, please," Silas pleaded.  "I-"

            "No, you have no right speaking to me.  You have killed off three of the most important people to me and now I have no one.  If I weren't as nice of a person as I am, I would probably kill you right now.  I-I don't know what else to say, Dad.  You…you…ARGH!!!  Besides the fact that you aggravate me beyond belief, you've ruined my life."

            "Sirius, don't do this."

            "Don't do what?  Tell the truth!?"

            "No…torment me and the reason I have come here.  I came to say that I never in any way meant to hurt you and I wish that I never left you or Francesca.  I wish I had never turned over to the dark side.  I wish I could take it all back."

            "But you can't…no one can!!  And now, LOOK WHAT YOUV'E DONE!? Look what you've done to Mom, my wife and my child!!  LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!!  You can't take back anything that's ever happened and now my whole life is empty.  I have nothing.  I'm useless.  I'm a waste of breath.  I'm a waste of time.     My whole life has been a waste of time.  I feel like I cannot go on living, Dad.  The three most important people to me on the face of the earth are never coming back and you know why?" Sirius said, getting even angrier that he was, if that was even possible.  "Because of you!!!  It's all your fault, Dad.  Everything is always your fault.  I wish you were never born.  I wish I never set eyes on you.  I wish…I wish that you were the one dead," Sirius said evilly, as an unshed pool of tears lay secretly in the bottoms of his eyelids.  And secretly, he wished that he was never born.  He felt like his heart had been ripped out of his body and he would remain emotionless for the rest of his life and Sirius didn't know what to do.  He was trapped.  

            "There's nothing you or anyone can do now, Dad," Sirius continued, surprisingly somewhat calm.  Maybe it was because he was finally realizing that Savannah was never coming back.  Maybe it was just because he knew it was over.  Maybe it was because he knew he had to get over her.  Maybe it was because the man standing in front of him deserved to die.  Maybe it was because he was realizing that his Dad was worth nothing…and always had been worth nothing.  Maybe it was just because it was true…that nothing could do anything to bring back the most important people to him.  Or maybe…maybe it was simply everything.  Maybe it was just all of it.

            "Get out of my house, Dad…in fact, just get out of my life."

            "You're never going to forgive me, are you?"

            "How could I!?  Look what you've done to me!!"

            "I'm sor-"

            "Don't say sorry," Sirius warned.  "Don't pity me…pity yourself.  Now, I'm not going to say it again.  Get out of my house."

            Silas sighed.  "Sirius-"

            "You don't get it, do you??" Sirius cried angrily.

            "I'm just trying to talk to you!"

            "And I already said I didn't want to talk to you!!  And now I never want to talk to you again!!! ,"

            Silas sighed and looked down at his son.  "Fine, Sirius, but you'll regret this."

            "No I won't.  Because I'm doing the right thing," Sirius responded, as he instantly slammed the door in his father's face.  Sirius leaned his head against the door and the tears just started filling up and started falling down.  It wasn't fair that because of his father, Sirius was doing all of the suffering.  It wasn't fair…nothing was fair.

            He slowly slid down to the floor with his head in his hands as he sobbed harder than he ever cried before.  "WHY!?!" Sirius shouted unexpectedly.  "WHY ME!?!?  WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS!?!?"  Sirius yelled as he threw a random shoe at the wall across from him.  He started pounding on the floor to the beat of his pounding heart to express his anger as well as he could.  And for next forty minutes, Sirius sat right there sobbing into his hands crouched on the floors…until Elizabeth started crying and Sirius knew he had to get over it.  Get over her.  Unfortunately…he didn't know if he could.

            He walked groggily up the stairs to Elizabeth's room and took a long look at her.

            Elizabeth was only three years old, but every time Sirius looked at her he was reminded of Savannah when she was only eleven…and twelve…and thirteen…  They were so much alike.  They even looked exactly alike.  They both had the blue eyes and the honey blonde hair.  Both were always getting into trouble and had the most adorable smile he's even seen.  But most of all…they had the same high-pitched giggly laugh that Sirius fell in love with at first sight.

            "Where's mommy?" Elizabeth asked, right before Sirius walked over to her.

            Sirius looked at her abruptly with a pained expression shown on his face.  "She…she's not here," he whispered hoarsely.

            "Why not?"

            Sirius didn't say anything for a little while.  "Because…not everything in life can be fair."

            "Is she coming back?"

            Sirius gave Elizabeth a sweet, cute smile as he looked over on to the wall where a picture of the three of them remained…he only wished that Leigh could have been a part of that as well.  "No," he replied gaspingly.

            "Why not?  Does she love us no more?"

            Sirius shook his head painfully.  "No, it's not that, my Lizzie.  It's…it's just nature taking its course.  Mommy will be gone for a long while."

            "But why?" Elizabeth asked with a hint of whining.  "I miss her."

            Sirius' bottom lip trembled as a puddle of tears filled his eyelids with blurriness and cold, wet sorrow.  "So do I," he whispered.  "So do I, sweetheart."

            At the sight of Sirius' tears, Elizabeth started wailing louder and harder.  "I want Mommy!!  Where's Mommy!?" she yelled.

            Sirius tried holding back the tears, and picked up Elizabeth to rock her back and forth.

Come stop your crying, it will be alright

Just take my hand, hold it tight

I will protect you from all around you

I will be here, don't you cry

For one so small, you seem so strong

My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm

Our bond between us can't be broken

I will be here, don't you cry

            A slow tear escaped down Sirius' cheek and he brushed it away as he crept towards Elizabeth's crib where he gently placed her down and looked away quickly.   This wasn't a time to think about Savannah…he had to stop living in the past.  Savannah wasn't coming back, and he had to face that.  He knew that Savannah was worth a million words and a million photos and a million smiles and a million kisses…but that wasn't going to change anything.  As much as he hated to think that it was over…it was over.  Savannah was just a memory, and a memory she'll stay.  A memory to the mind…and a memory to the heart. 

'Cause you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on, now and forever more

You'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be here in my heart, always

            "It's just you and me, baby," Sirius murmured as Elizabeth drifted off to sleep.  He gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead.  "It's just you and me…"

A/N: That was kind of a short chapter, but I thought I should incorporate his father into the story once again.  This chapter just kind of reveals how much pain Sirius is going through and how much he'll never get over the fact that his mother, his wife, and his daughter aren't coming back.  The song is "You'll Be in my Heart," by Phil Collins. (every time I hear that song, I want to cry now….)