Threads of the Mind
Origins
662 AD – Mt. Fuji, Japan
Many strange things have been seen over the years. Dragons, mummies, and even the occasional flying saucer have all raised eyebrows and divided the men from the boys. Yet, perhaps the strangest in the history of the world was when some creepy old guy was standing on the top of a mountain in the middle winter, completely in the buff. Indeed, for all the horrors yet faced by man, not even hell would be so harsh as to force its inhabitants to watch videos of such things, particularly when there was no redeeming quality about said geezer's physical appearance. Yet, despite the fact that this was an affront to nature itself, the old man was determined to stand there in defiance of this narrator's wishes (and sanity), and thus set into motion nine different kinds of hell for the universe to take into consideration. Indeed, these hells would bring into being many types of strange anime clichés, and perhaps even disembowel a chicken or two, but ultimately the oven mitts would dance with the ladles, and all would be well with the world. Err, hang on, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here. Where were we? Oh yes, creepy old guy, nude, Mt. Fuji, middle of winter (*shudders*).
As this abomination continued to defy the collective wills of the gods, he stared at a single point on the mountain. He stood in that freezing environment, completely comfortable by all appearances, and seemed to almost be willing to continue this until the end of time. Eventually, his voice pierced the cold howling of the wind, and declared for all to see (even if they didn't want to) "THERE ARE 42 POSSIBLE DIFFERENT TYPES OF ICE CREAM IN THE WORLD!"
Suddenly, Time itself stopped what was going on and threw up. Snow hung in the air around this hideous and cantankerous annoyance, and the whole of eternity seemed to hold its breath. Once Time had finished up heaving into the universe, it went straight back to work, rather annoyed that someone had YET AGAIN figured out both the question and answer to the universe.
1262 AD – The Cave of Caerbannog, Scotland
"And St. Attila raised his hand grenade up on high saying 'O lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin and people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orang-utans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and..."
Brother Maynard abruptly got tired of this passage and decided to interrupt, "Skip a bit, brother."
The monk looked slightly abashed as he continued. "Er... Oh, yes... And the Lord spake, saying 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is Right out.' " The monk paused for a moment to catch his breath before continuing with the passage. "Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." And thus, with the chanting of the monks, the nameless brother went back to the horses to take a long drink and wonder just why he had joined this profession.
A short ways away, Tim the sorcerer snorted as God's righteous fury blew one of Bun-Bun's distant relatives to tiny bits. He personally was relieved that the menace was finally killed, yet wished that the poor fools had listened to him before going off and getting themselves killed. If only someone would listen to him...
Suddenly, a minature bolt of lightening slammed down RIGHT on Tim's head, delivering to him precisely enough energy to light a 20 watt light bulb for 3 seconds. In those three seconds, the entire universe's nature suddenly became clear to Tim, and he was tempted to blurt out the meaning of the universe for all to hear. Fortunately, the current incarnation of Akane had not yet offered up her sacrifice to the Lord of Time, and thus Time was in no danger of throwing up. So the moment passed, and Tim got another idea. Instead, what if he and his three drinking buddies got together and formed a school of witchcraft and wizardry? What if they were to pass down their knowledge, and train all the good little boys and girls that would come in the fine arts of explosions and bangs? It was a never before tried experiment! Giggling like a little schoolgirl (which he had been at one point, oddly enough), Tim the Sorcerer donned his disguise of Slazzar Slytherin, and went to the Hogwarts Pub to commence his plotting. All in all, it suddenly seemed like a b-e-a-utiful day.
1292 AD – Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (2 Pint Minimum)
Slazzar was rather surprised to see the ghostly figure of a bunny come out of his room with a switch blade. Sweat dropping rather badly, he started to make a run for it, as lasers followed him down the hall ways. Muttering curses to anyone in existence, Slazzar ran from Bun-Bun, God of Evisceration and Really Painful Deaths.
1747 AD – Somewhere in Africa
Two swallows were carrying a coconut tethered on a line between them, when the line suddenly broke, a minature temporal vortex appeared, and the coconut somehow got transported to Mercia.
"Told you something stupid like that would happen," said the first swallow (incidentally named Bob).
"Well how was I supposed to know that we wouldn't be able to maintain airspeed velocity for very long?" chirped Bill.
"Right you are, I don't really know," replied Bill, right before he suddenly found himself tugged violently through the air and tossed into the Pit of Eternal Peril.
This really doesn't have anything to do with anything, but it seemed like something that was worth pointing out, to prove that African swallows ARE migratory, and that they can't maintain airspeed velocity while carrying a coconut on a tether.
1748 AD – Asia (or perhaps China. The words ARE interchangeable)
It is a dark time for the Joketsuzoku. A young male had suddenly entered the town one day, and he appeared to be handsome and intelligent. Immediately desiring to add him to their bloodline, Ku Lon, daughter of Har Nit, challenged the outsider to combat. When he defeated her by a sound margin, she had immediately given him the kiss of marriage. That had proven to be her undoing.
This dashing young man was none other then Happosai, the future creator of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. The man whom was the very incarnation of evil (his father was a weak incubus, go figure), set about stealing half the ancestral treasures of the Chinese Amazons, and among them took the prized Golden Panty Set. These panties, now a sign of power among the tribe, bestowed increased longevity upon any who managed to perform a sacred ritual. This ritual, handed down for over 1500 years, consisted of ironing and pressing them under a full moon while a small rose budded nearby. Most of the elders of the village had done it at least once (some managed to do it a second time in secret, which was supposed to be taboo), and Happosai was quick to figure out how they worked.
Well, long story short, he managed to do it FIVE TIMES before Ku Lon caught him. By the stories of the ancient scrolls, he was liable to live for another seven hundred years before finally decomposing all at once. Something had to be done, and Ku Lon was given the task of always being there to defend the village against this great evil. She too, was thus forced to iron and press the ancient panty set, and in doing so sealed her fate to be doomed to outlive much of her family. Her only wish was that her grammar wouldn't start to deteriorate with her age...
June 4, 1866 – Washington DC, USA
After five long years of war, the United States surrenders to the Army of North Virginia (under joint command of Robert E. Lee and J.E.B. Stewart) and officially grants the Southern States independence. The newly formed People's Confederacy of America is formally recognized by both Britain and France. Lincoln would be doomed to be relegated to a backwater town for the rest of his life, and detested for the next seventy-five years for failing to keep the Union together.
August 16, 1886 – North America
A long term alliance is signed between the United States of America and the People's Confederacy of America. Included in the signatories is an alliance with the Union of Native American Tribes, whom are granted complete control over much of the area from the Rockies to the Mississippi.
May 1st, 1911 – Europe
The First World War officially starts when the Russians invade Germany in a bid for global power. France and England immediately promise to aid the Russians, and they accept the help of the Ottoman Empire. Meanwhile, the newly minted North American Alliance (constituting most everything from Mexico northwards, including Canada) decries the invasion of the Russians as imperialist in nature and contradictory to the various Non-Aggression pacts that litter Europe. They pledge their support to the Germans, and quickly mount a sea borne invasion of Britain.
December 24th, 1916 – Paris, France
After five years of trench warfare and the liberation of Ireland, the Allies and Axial Powers sign a cease-fire, effectively ending the war. Germany obtains large amounts of French land, while the Russians quickly descend into an American supported Communist revolution. Britain and France are stripped of many of their colonies, which are spread amongst Austria-Hungary, and the NAA. Austria-Hungary is given most of Africa, while the NAA obtains most of the land in Asia, except India. The Soviet Empire that emerges from the communist revolution is given control over the former Ottoman Empire.
1929 – North America
Shortly after the stock market crashes, America goes into a complete communist revolution, backed by the Soviets. The rest of the world reels as they attempt to salvage their economies
April 1st, 1934 – North America
The reformed democratic American Coalition exits its Depression induced Civil War stronger then ever, and pledges to end its occupation of her colonies on January 1st, 1950
January 1st, 1950 – Asia
Due to a typo on the original documentation, all American colonies in Asia are technically freed one day earlier.
September 23rd, 1951 – Japan
Japan signs an alliance with Russia, planning to invade Asia and control the entire continent.
February 2nd, 1952 – Asia
WWII breaks out in Asia, and Russia quickly follows with an invasion of Europe. The AC backs its democratic allies in Europe. The race to develop nuclear weapons begins.
July 23rd, 1954 – Japan
A military coup kills the emperor, and effectively ends the Second World War when the new government goes democratic and sides with the failing Indo-China alliance. Japan is not required to pay heavy war fines in the treaty.
December 5th, 1955 – near Machu Pichu
The world's first semi-successful nuclear weapons test is conducted by Chile. The AC quickly obtains information about what occurred, and conducts a successful test two months later. Pandora's Box is officially opened. The Soviets quickly develop similar weapons, and an arms race begins.
1960's – The American Coalition
Hippies are right where they should be, when they should be there.
June 2nd, 1962 – New York, American Coalition
The United Nations, brain child of the late Franklin Roosevelt, comes into being. Its purpose is to contain further Soviet aggression, as well as maintain order in the world.
May 9th, 1964 – Western Arabia
After 40 years of accumulating land through legal means, the newly minted Jewish state of Israel invades most of the major cities along the Arabian coastline and re-establishes their homeland.
1970-1974 – East Asia
Genma and Soun go on the training trip of doom, and eventually trap Happosai in his cave. Genma and Soun swear to join their families and the schools after three days of celebrating the "death" of their master.
1977 – Nerima, Japanese Consortium
Soun marries Kimiko at the age of 25. Genma is his best man.
1979 – Japanese Consortium
Genma enlists in the Japanese Regular Army.
1981 – Japanese Consortium
Genma marries Nodoka at the age of 27. Soun was his best man.
September 12th, 1984, 11:38:21 PM – The Night Sky
The light of a supernova suddenly reaches Earth, and provides illumination slightly stronger then that of a full moon.
September 12th, 1984, 11:38:22 PM – Juuban, Japanese Consortium
Ranma Saotome is born a male to Nodoka and Genma Saotome.
September 13th, 1984, 12:22:00 AM – Juuban, Japanese Consortium
Our story begins
----------------------
Well, here's the back-story to my world. As you can see, this is obviously an alternate universe fic that will be relying heavily on crossovers to get the job done right. I will warn, however, that I will also be including random movies, random sci-fi, and even web comics in my bid for literary domination. Most (if not all) of the shows/movies/whatever you see referenced or even alluded to here will be used in the story at some point. But, that's all I'm going to say about this.
This started out as a Ranma/Harry Potter crossover. Behold what my madness has become.
BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Exit stage left)
Origins
662 AD – Mt. Fuji, Japan
Many strange things have been seen over the years. Dragons, mummies, and even the occasional flying saucer have all raised eyebrows and divided the men from the boys. Yet, perhaps the strangest in the history of the world was when some creepy old guy was standing on the top of a mountain in the middle winter, completely in the buff. Indeed, for all the horrors yet faced by man, not even hell would be so harsh as to force its inhabitants to watch videos of such things, particularly when there was no redeeming quality about said geezer's physical appearance. Yet, despite the fact that this was an affront to nature itself, the old man was determined to stand there in defiance of this narrator's wishes (and sanity), and thus set into motion nine different kinds of hell for the universe to take into consideration. Indeed, these hells would bring into being many types of strange anime clichés, and perhaps even disembowel a chicken or two, but ultimately the oven mitts would dance with the ladles, and all would be well with the world. Err, hang on, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here. Where were we? Oh yes, creepy old guy, nude, Mt. Fuji, middle of winter (*shudders*).
As this abomination continued to defy the collective wills of the gods, he stared at a single point on the mountain. He stood in that freezing environment, completely comfortable by all appearances, and seemed to almost be willing to continue this until the end of time. Eventually, his voice pierced the cold howling of the wind, and declared for all to see (even if they didn't want to) "THERE ARE 42 POSSIBLE DIFFERENT TYPES OF ICE CREAM IN THE WORLD!"
Suddenly, Time itself stopped what was going on and threw up. Snow hung in the air around this hideous and cantankerous annoyance, and the whole of eternity seemed to hold its breath. Once Time had finished up heaving into the universe, it went straight back to work, rather annoyed that someone had YET AGAIN figured out both the question and answer to the universe.
1262 AD – The Cave of Caerbannog, Scotland
"And St. Attila raised his hand grenade up on high saying 'O lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin and people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orang-utans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and..."
Brother Maynard abruptly got tired of this passage and decided to interrupt, "Skip a bit, brother."
The monk looked slightly abashed as he continued. "Er... Oh, yes... And the Lord spake, saying 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is Right out.' " The monk paused for a moment to catch his breath before continuing with the passage. "Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." And thus, with the chanting of the monks, the nameless brother went back to the horses to take a long drink and wonder just why he had joined this profession.
A short ways away, Tim the sorcerer snorted as God's righteous fury blew one of Bun-Bun's distant relatives to tiny bits. He personally was relieved that the menace was finally killed, yet wished that the poor fools had listened to him before going off and getting themselves killed. If only someone would listen to him...
Suddenly, a minature bolt of lightening slammed down RIGHT on Tim's head, delivering to him precisely enough energy to light a 20 watt light bulb for 3 seconds. In those three seconds, the entire universe's nature suddenly became clear to Tim, and he was tempted to blurt out the meaning of the universe for all to hear. Fortunately, the current incarnation of Akane had not yet offered up her sacrifice to the Lord of Time, and thus Time was in no danger of throwing up. So the moment passed, and Tim got another idea. Instead, what if he and his three drinking buddies got together and formed a school of witchcraft and wizardry? What if they were to pass down their knowledge, and train all the good little boys and girls that would come in the fine arts of explosions and bangs? It was a never before tried experiment! Giggling like a little schoolgirl (which he had been at one point, oddly enough), Tim the Sorcerer donned his disguise of Slazzar Slytherin, and went to the Hogwarts Pub to commence his plotting. All in all, it suddenly seemed like a b-e-a-utiful day.
1292 AD – Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (2 Pint Minimum)
Slazzar was rather surprised to see the ghostly figure of a bunny come out of his room with a switch blade. Sweat dropping rather badly, he started to make a run for it, as lasers followed him down the hall ways. Muttering curses to anyone in existence, Slazzar ran from Bun-Bun, God of Evisceration and Really Painful Deaths.
1747 AD – Somewhere in Africa
Two swallows were carrying a coconut tethered on a line between them, when the line suddenly broke, a minature temporal vortex appeared, and the coconut somehow got transported to Mercia.
"Told you something stupid like that would happen," said the first swallow (incidentally named Bob).
"Well how was I supposed to know that we wouldn't be able to maintain airspeed velocity for very long?" chirped Bill.
"Right you are, I don't really know," replied Bill, right before he suddenly found himself tugged violently through the air and tossed into the Pit of Eternal Peril.
This really doesn't have anything to do with anything, but it seemed like something that was worth pointing out, to prove that African swallows ARE migratory, and that they can't maintain airspeed velocity while carrying a coconut on a tether.
1748 AD – Asia (or perhaps China. The words ARE interchangeable)
It is a dark time for the Joketsuzoku. A young male had suddenly entered the town one day, and he appeared to be handsome and intelligent. Immediately desiring to add him to their bloodline, Ku Lon, daughter of Har Nit, challenged the outsider to combat. When he defeated her by a sound margin, she had immediately given him the kiss of marriage. That had proven to be her undoing.
This dashing young man was none other then Happosai, the future creator of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. The man whom was the very incarnation of evil (his father was a weak incubus, go figure), set about stealing half the ancestral treasures of the Chinese Amazons, and among them took the prized Golden Panty Set. These panties, now a sign of power among the tribe, bestowed increased longevity upon any who managed to perform a sacred ritual. This ritual, handed down for over 1500 years, consisted of ironing and pressing them under a full moon while a small rose budded nearby. Most of the elders of the village had done it at least once (some managed to do it a second time in secret, which was supposed to be taboo), and Happosai was quick to figure out how they worked.
Well, long story short, he managed to do it FIVE TIMES before Ku Lon caught him. By the stories of the ancient scrolls, he was liable to live for another seven hundred years before finally decomposing all at once. Something had to be done, and Ku Lon was given the task of always being there to defend the village against this great evil. She too, was thus forced to iron and press the ancient panty set, and in doing so sealed her fate to be doomed to outlive much of her family. Her only wish was that her grammar wouldn't start to deteriorate with her age...
June 4, 1866 – Washington DC, USA
After five long years of war, the United States surrenders to the Army of North Virginia (under joint command of Robert E. Lee and J.E.B. Stewart) and officially grants the Southern States independence. The newly formed People's Confederacy of America is formally recognized by both Britain and France. Lincoln would be doomed to be relegated to a backwater town for the rest of his life, and detested for the next seventy-five years for failing to keep the Union together.
August 16, 1886 – North America
A long term alliance is signed between the United States of America and the People's Confederacy of America. Included in the signatories is an alliance with the Union of Native American Tribes, whom are granted complete control over much of the area from the Rockies to the Mississippi.
May 1st, 1911 – Europe
The First World War officially starts when the Russians invade Germany in a bid for global power. France and England immediately promise to aid the Russians, and they accept the help of the Ottoman Empire. Meanwhile, the newly minted North American Alliance (constituting most everything from Mexico northwards, including Canada) decries the invasion of the Russians as imperialist in nature and contradictory to the various Non-Aggression pacts that litter Europe. They pledge their support to the Germans, and quickly mount a sea borne invasion of Britain.
December 24th, 1916 – Paris, France
After five years of trench warfare and the liberation of Ireland, the Allies and Axial Powers sign a cease-fire, effectively ending the war. Germany obtains large amounts of French land, while the Russians quickly descend into an American supported Communist revolution. Britain and France are stripped of many of their colonies, which are spread amongst Austria-Hungary, and the NAA. Austria-Hungary is given most of Africa, while the NAA obtains most of the land in Asia, except India. The Soviet Empire that emerges from the communist revolution is given control over the former Ottoman Empire.
1929 – North America
Shortly after the stock market crashes, America goes into a complete communist revolution, backed by the Soviets. The rest of the world reels as they attempt to salvage their economies
April 1st, 1934 – North America
The reformed democratic American Coalition exits its Depression induced Civil War stronger then ever, and pledges to end its occupation of her colonies on January 1st, 1950
January 1st, 1950 – Asia
Due to a typo on the original documentation, all American colonies in Asia are technically freed one day earlier.
September 23rd, 1951 – Japan
Japan signs an alliance with Russia, planning to invade Asia and control the entire continent.
February 2nd, 1952 – Asia
WWII breaks out in Asia, and Russia quickly follows with an invasion of Europe. The AC backs its democratic allies in Europe. The race to develop nuclear weapons begins.
July 23rd, 1954 – Japan
A military coup kills the emperor, and effectively ends the Second World War when the new government goes democratic and sides with the failing Indo-China alliance. Japan is not required to pay heavy war fines in the treaty.
December 5th, 1955 – near Machu Pichu
The world's first semi-successful nuclear weapons test is conducted by Chile. The AC quickly obtains information about what occurred, and conducts a successful test two months later. Pandora's Box is officially opened. The Soviets quickly develop similar weapons, and an arms race begins.
1960's – The American Coalition
Hippies are right where they should be, when they should be there.
June 2nd, 1962 – New York, American Coalition
The United Nations, brain child of the late Franklin Roosevelt, comes into being. Its purpose is to contain further Soviet aggression, as well as maintain order in the world.
May 9th, 1964 – Western Arabia
After 40 years of accumulating land through legal means, the newly minted Jewish state of Israel invades most of the major cities along the Arabian coastline and re-establishes their homeland.
1970-1974 – East Asia
Genma and Soun go on the training trip of doom, and eventually trap Happosai in his cave. Genma and Soun swear to join their families and the schools after three days of celebrating the "death" of their master.
1977 – Nerima, Japanese Consortium
Soun marries Kimiko at the age of 25. Genma is his best man.
1979 – Japanese Consortium
Genma enlists in the Japanese Regular Army.
1981 – Japanese Consortium
Genma marries Nodoka at the age of 27. Soun was his best man.
September 12th, 1984, 11:38:21 PM – The Night Sky
The light of a supernova suddenly reaches Earth, and provides illumination slightly stronger then that of a full moon.
September 12th, 1984, 11:38:22 PM – Juuban, Japanese Consortium
Ranma Saotome is born a male to Nodoka and Genma Saotome.
September 13th, 1984, 12:22:00 AM – Juuban, Japanese Consortium
Our story begins
----------------------
Well, here's the back-story to my world. As you can see, this is obviously an alternate universe fic that will be relying heavily on crossovers to get the job done right. I will warn, however, that I will also be including random movies, random sci-fi, and even web comics in my bid for literary domination. Most (if not all) of the shows/movies/whatever you see referenced or even alluded to here will be used in the story at some point. But, that's all I'm going to say about this.
This started out as a Ranma/Harry Potter crossover. Behold what my madness has become.
BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Exit stage left)
