A/N: I know, I know; I have no excuse really. I think I'll keep quiet from now on about when the next chapter will be posted, because things usually don't turn out as I expect. I know they didn't this summer…I realized a few minutes ago when I posted last chapter, and it's sort of sad. I hadn't known, though it was the day before, that I would be flying back to AZ, or that we wouldn't be moving into our house for a long time. But I'm sorry; this isn't a journal, so I won't tell you about all that. I just wish I could have gotten this chapter out sooner. But well, what can you do? =) I hope you guys like it, even if you probably don't remember what this story is about lol.
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Well he can't sleep at night
And he can't do what's right
It was all because she came into his life
It's a deep obsession taking up his time
She's all that he wants, she's all that he needs
She's everything he just won't believe
Take away his doubt, turn him inside out
Then she can see what he's been dying to say
But things don't always turn out that way
And he must confess
All the impure thoughts of his beautiful temptress
Although he keeps it all bottled up inside
Although he keeps it all safe within his mind, oh yeah
She's all that he wants, she's all that he needs
She's everything he just won't believe
Take away his doubt, turn him inside out
Then she can see what he's been dying to say
But things don't always turn out that way
So wipe that smile off your face
Before it gets too late
There's only so much time
For you to make up your mind
She's all that he wants, she's all that he needs
She's everything he just won't believe
Take away his doubt, turn him inside out
Then she can see what he's been dying to say
But things don't always turn out that way
~ "Things Don't Always Turn Out That Way" by The Calling
Chapter 23- There Are Reasons for Most Things
Mary and three of the Marauders entered the boys' dorm with faces etched in surprise. Almost the whole train ride had consisted of the topic, "Where are Lily and James?" and what they might be doing, if they were off together, which was likely because they had both vanished.
They found the two people in question. Lily and James were asleep on his bed; her dark auburn hair was fanned across his chest, while her head lay on his shoulder, their cheeks touching. Upon closer inspection, Mary noticed that James' hand rested halfway up, and under, Lily's shirt.
Mary raised an eyebrow with a crafty smile, and Sirius ran past her with unsuppressed glee written on his face.
"No, don't touch them!" Mary hissed, grabbing at his arm.
He glanced up at her, surprised. "And why not?"
Remus, standing behind them with a grin, said, "It's too bad I don't have a camera."
Sirius assumed an expression of mock surprise. "Moony! Are you trying to blackmail our friends?"
Remus shrugged. "I suppose that's one way of putting it." Mary winked at him, causing his face to redden slightly. He glanced back at Lily and James with a content smile. Peter was staring at the floor, apparently indifferent to the whole situation. He had been especially quiet on the train, saying no more than five words together.
"Now, what to do about this-"
But just as Mary began, Lily's eyes popped open, brightly emerald and perplexed. Her head rose slightly, eyes roaming over the four of them, obviously wondering what they were doing standing around her. Then she noticed the lump beneath her and glanced down at it; or him, as she discovered with a start.
"James?" she blurted incredulously, seeming to forget the others. "What the f-"
"Ah yes, she wakes to find that her friends know all that she has done." Mary said before chortling. Sirius snickered next to her and Remus' grin became broader.
Lily directed her gaze in their direction, her hand still on James' arm. "Where did you come from?" She blinked, rubbing her eyes.
"Isn't the better question where you came from? Or did you forget that we were all supposed to get back today?" Sirius crossed his arms.
Lily decided to ignore the question and turned back to look at James. She suddenly realized her position and pulled away from him, snatching her hands back as if burned. Then he stirred. The first thing he saw was her green eyes staring at him with a confused and slightly angry expression. The night before came flooding back to him and he groaned.
Her face darkened. "What am I doing in your room, in your bed, with you?" she demanded.
"Er-" he stared at her, but her face inquired of him whether he would rather answer or die. "You were drunk last night, something about your mum I think, but you never really explained and-"
"And you took advantage of me?" It was practically a shout.
"Oh boy." Remus mumbled, and James seemed to suddenly realize that there were four people crowded around them. He scowled at Moony and turned back to Lily with apprehension.
"No!" he said quickly. "I didn't touch you!"
She stared with probing eyes. "And that's why I wake up to find your hand molesting me?" she grunted. The others snickered, but James looked confused. Lily gave him no time to ask. "I can't believe you would-"
"That isn't fair, Lily!" James exclaimed loudly.
"Why ever not?" she commanded.
"Because I didn't bring you here- I didn't even invite you! You just came."
Her face paled. No, it couldn't be. She was positive that she would never climb in bed with him of her own volition, not even when she was drunk. Then again, the previous night was very hazy. "But…" she said quietly, trailing off.
James looked embarrassed. Mary was suddenly staring at her feet, biting her lip, perhaps to keep back a grin. "Well, you did." He shrugged, only causing her to give him a look.
"Whatever." Her eyes were narrow and still confused. "We'll talk about it later." When she glanced up at her best friend, she suddenly remembered what she had to tell her, and her stomach dropped. Mary met her eye and smiled.
I can't do it now...I just can't. She smiled back, weakly. "Long time no see."
Mary opened her mouth. "I'm curious to know what's going on. Why are you here early?"
"Well…it's a long story." She looked crossways at James, who stared at his hands.
Sirius shrugged. "We have time. Tell us."
"Well…" Lily paused, still watching James. "Okay, but I don't know that it makes much sense." Mary beckoned her on, so she began relating the whole mess. It did take a few minutes, and by the time she finished, they were all looking at Lily and James with bewildered expressions.
There was a pregnant silence. "Yes, well…" Sirius trailed off. Mary seemed to wordlessly agree with him.
Lily watched her raven-haired friend, and was very aware of the part she had left out of her story. She had been dreading this day- she didn't know how Mary would react, and hated to be the one to tell her about it. Focusing on James' feet unconsciously, she swallowed.
Mary noticed, saying quietly, "There's something else. Unless you really find your boyfriend's feet that enthralling."
Lily's head snapped up and she brushed back a strand of mussed up red hair. "I told you everything." she answered, rather too fast. Mary raised an eyebrow, but dropped the subject. Lily realized something her friend had said. "And James isn't my boyfriend." she said, "We're just friends."
At this, their friends all grinned. "So we see." Later; I'll tell her later. Lily sighed.
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
Later came sooner than she had hoped. Sitting on the end of Mary's bed, she stared at her friend who was leaning against the bedpost with a funny expression on her face. Lily's horrible headache was gone, thanks to a simple potion. She had been rubbing her head earlier when Mary smiled,
"It's your fault for getting drunk," she had said.
"The punch was spiked."
"Lily, I'm sure that you've had enough alcohol in the past to recognize the smell and taste."
She hadn't cared to explain herself, and had fallen silent. Presently, Lily heaved a long sigh without realizing what she was doing.
"Is James bothering you that much, Lily?" Mary said with a bit of a smile.
"Er- no, not exactly."
"You actually seemed quite cozy together."
Lily shook her head. "It doesn't matter. That's over. For good this time." She emphasized.
"Why? He loves you."
The redhead scowled. "No, he thinks he does. He doesn't know any better. The best thing for both of us- well, for him most of all- is that we stay apart."
"Did something happen that I'm not aware of?" Mary leaned closer.
Lily looked down, her eyes tracing the lines on the bed comforter. "Not really. Just more trouble with my mum, but you know how that is. I just- I told you what happened when my mother saw us snogging at King's Cross."
"Lily," Mary smirked, "what mother wouldn't react like that?" She paused, then was compelled to add, "I mean, on a lesser level of course. Kidnapping him, or as good as, was a bit…extreme."
Lily grimaced. "It's just, James deserves better than that. And I have a lot of problems I need to resolve without having him to worry about."
"You think James would want it that way?"
"I don't give a bloody damn what James wants. He doesn't know what's good for
him. My mother's threats might seem empty, but I have seen some of them carried
out in the past."
Mary studied her friend, a thoughtful expression
encompassing her. "You haven't told me exactly what your mum said to you- when
did you speak to her?"
"Yesterday."
"But- yesterday? How?"
Lily explained the spell that
Dumbledore had revealed to her. "She reminded me of everything I wanted to
forget."
"Lily, it would be so easy to just not go home or something- you're capable of living on your own. Hell, maybe we could get an apartment together or something."
"No- it isn't that easy. My parents know people everywhere. And I don't want to hide. I never pictured my future hiding from my family. My mum may be too annoyingly involved in society, but she's still my mother. I don't want to live a lie."
"What's the better alternative? Would you rather marry
Patrick?"
"No!"
"I don't know what to tell you then." Mary sighed much like Lily had earlier. "I wish there were another choice, but I'm not seeing it."
"Maybe…maybe I won't go home. But I just don't know-"
"Whatever you decide to do, Lily, I'm there with you."
They smiled at each other. Mary announced, "I think I'll go find Daniel- you know, to catch up on things…" she winked at Lily, rising from the bed.
Lily's grin slid off her face as quickly as it had come. "No! Wait!"
Mary stepped away from the door and stared at Lily. "Oh no, don't tell me James has corrupted you. Daniel is really a very nice guy, you know. He's-"
"It isn't that." Lily mumbled, staring into her lap. "I- I don't know how to tell you this."
"Oh, crap. Don't tell me you're pregnant. I'll kill J-"
Lily almost smiled, and then remembered what she had to do. Half joking however, she said, "Do you really think that of me? Besides, James and I never…" she cleared her throat, shaking herself. "Mary- Daniel's missing."
The grin slipped off her friend's face. Her deep blue eyes bored into Lily's. She looked frozen but somehow reached the bed and sat down dazedly. "What do you mean, missing?" She frowned carefully. "Is he-"
"We don't know…oh Mary, I'm so sorry." She quickly engulfed her friend in a tight hug. "Dumbledore has people looking, but so far there's nothing."
Mary didn't look sad, angry, or anything of the sort. But her blank eyes and frozen limbs told all. Lily pulled back after a long moment and attempted a smile. "Do you need anything or-"
"No." Mary said quietly. "I think I just need to be alone
for awhile."
Lily nodded, and with one last concerned glance, left the room.
She found herself wandering down to the common room, thoughts stringing one after another through her head; most of them were not pleasant. It was getting late; the room was mostly deserted. Lily gave a little jump when James caught her arm. He was sitting on the couch, Sirius next to him, leaning over a magazine. Remus and Peter were sprawled across the floor before the fire, talking quietly.
Lily glanced down at James with an unreadable expression. She took a deep breath and sat down next to him, purposely leaving a good amount of room between them; James frowned.
"Are you okay?" he asked. "You look…well, not happy."
"I'm fine." she replied tersely.
He didn't look convinced. "I am sorry about last night, you know. It wasn't really my fault, I swear. Not that it was yours either, I just-" he said it all in a rush, but she cut him short.
"It isn't that James." He frowned and she surveyed him with a flat look, her eyes never leaving his. "I just told Mary about Daniel."
Comprehension dawned on him, his dark eyes changing like they sometimes did. "Is she okay?"
"I think she will be. It's Mary, I don't think I've ever seen her in a bad mood for very long." She sounded doubtful though.
"Well that's good…" James continued to stare at her. He reached a hand out to brush it through her hair.
"James." Her voice stopped him; his hand fell. She swallowed, closing her eyes. Deciding not to say what she had been going to, she announced instead, "We should probably have a- meeting- sometime soon."
He nodded, smiling at her slightly. "I know. Lily, I want to-"
"I think I'll go to bed now." She rose, patted him on the head with a small grin on her face and climbed back up the stairs. James watched her disappear, groaning with annoyance.
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
"Obviously this is a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix." James' eyes darted uncomfortably towards Kelly Johnstone, who was sitting a few paces away from him, on the side of the room. "And that's Kelly."
Almost as one, all of the eyes of the Marauders and the girls fastened on Kelly, who shifted in her seat but looked back at them without blinking. Lily shook her head and looked back at James, studying his face as she often found herself doing.
Arabella Figg sat in the back of the room, surveying them all. She had indeed been acting as 'counselor' at Hogwarts, and had been present at the Order of the Phoenix meetings they had had since she'd arrived. Although Lily still wasn't sure why Dumbledore had insisted she help them out, she had a feeling that Mrs. Figg was there for a purpose.
Lily broke her eyes away from James when he glanced her way. "Right." He cleared his throat. "Dumbledore suggested this meeting, and I think he was quite right. There are- some things that need to be discussed."
"Like Daniel." Mary mumbled.
Lily and James glanced apologetically at her, as if it was their fault that her boyfriend (although Lily had never gotten out of Mary just how close she had been to Daniel) was just gone.
"Er- yes. Among other things." James glanced back at Kelly and looked away quickly. "Voldemort knows about- about us."
Almost everyone sat straighter in their seats. "What do you mean?" demanded Sirius, his eyes flashing.
Lily answered, "He knows about the Order- and he knows
who's in it."
Peter inspected his nails, Remus' eyes flashed, and Sirius let out a heavy
breath. "We don't know how," James began.
Kelly interrupted, "Voldemort had…some kind of spy who informed him. I am not
aware of his, or her, name."
Lily muttered under her breath, "The hell you aren't." but Kelly didn't appear to have heard.
"Any questions you have, however, I will answer if I can. I fully intend to help you, nothing held back."
The students stared at her. Although, after a moment of silence, they couldn't hold back their curiosity. It was worth a try to find out what they could from her.
So began a lengthened question and answer session about Voldemort's plans. The only really important information gained was that he had not been planning to strike the Order in any way, as they seemed a meager threat (Sirius had hissed angrily at that comment). He also had spies in Hogwarts- but they had known as much. The problem was discovering who the spies were. Kelly insisted that the Dark Lord had, well, means, she had said, that were going to make him even more powerful. She warned them quite seriously that in the next year or so, he was planning many things that were too horrible to even think of. As the meeting dragged on, more than one person felt queasy, their hearts tightening. How could something like this be stopped? They were only students- but then again, that made them almost more determined to be successful.
"I think," James said after a long moment of silence at the end of it all, "that it's time we find some others who we can trust to join the Order. We'll need all the help we can get. Now- next week, same time, we'll meet again and talk about how we're going to deflect all of this. Merlin knows that we're not trained aurors or anything of the sort; but just meeting like we have been in the past is doing nothing for anybody."
The rest of them agreed; nodding heads and frowns acquiesced silently. Mrs. Figg, who had been silent the entire time, said with a small, but joyless, smile that she would see to finding people, but would consult them before asking anyone.
James nodded at her. "That would help, thank you."
"Well you didn't expect
me to just sit here and listen in, did you?"
James had a feeling that she
was going to be more useful than any of them expected, but he couldn't say how
he knew.
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
"James, I forgot to mention it. Er- our trunks are in Dumbledore's office. I forgot about them when my mum…upset me." She watched him carefully.
"Oh- good." He tried to smile at her, but it came out as more of a half-frown. "Let's go now, I need to get out of here."
She nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. Gryffindor Tower was confining, at times, no matter how comfortable it was in other instances. They disappeared through the portrait hole, not noticing their friends watching them as they left.
The two of them walked in silence for some time. Then James glanced her way and noted that despite the faint circles under her eyes and the apprehensive way she moved, she was beautiful. He frowned when the thought occurred to him. He didn't understand. She had as good as pushed him away; why could he not move on?
"Lily, we need to talk."
She stopped abruptly, staring up at him. "What about?"
Confused, he stopped as well and turned to face her. "I think you know."
"Yes." She sighed. "And I think you know all of the answers that I'm going to give you."
His eyes narrowed and his frown deepened. "Fine- we won't be together! I get it. But how far does that extend, Lily? Can I not talk to you anymore? I suppose you don't want me to sit next to you in the common room." He scowled.
"I never said that!"
"Well then clarify for me- if you think I'm so stupid. Why are you doing this?"
"I'm not doing anything. I just don't think it's a good idea that we get- involved again. Better for both of us, and everyone else too."
"That makes no bloody sense." James spat, his dark eyes unnerving her slightly. "I don't know why, but I can't just give you up Lily. It's not that easy for me, although it should be, damn it all to hell, I can't forget everything and just be friends!" And then he was embarrassed; feeling that he had said too much.
Lily studied him. "James, I-"
In one step, he wrapped an arm around her waist, the other one entangling itself in her long hair as he brought his mouth onto hers. She tried to push him away, but he was stronger than her. She gave in. Letting him press her against the wall (with a muffled complaint from a portrait hanging behind her back), she reached up and placed her arms around his neck, bringing him down farther. She sighed into his mouth. She couldn't help it; it had been too long since she had- Abruptly, she pushed him off, and he broke away, breathing hard.
"No," Lily slipped around him, trying to catch her breath. She pressed a hand to her mouth with a strange expression and darkened eyes.
"Tell me," James croaked, "that you felt nothing. Tell me it meant nothing."
"I can't, James." She mumbled, not daring to look at him. "I won't do this." And then she left him, ambling down the hall towards the stone gargoyle.
He stared, bewildered and little angry, at her retreating back. He cursed quietly, running a hand through his hair, and chased after her. He would be damned if she was going to end it this way.
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
James was alone in his dorm, and not in the best mood. He glared at his trunk on his bed, as if it were the source of his troubles. Grabbing the handle, he pulled it towards him and clicked it open. Everything was there; he breathed a sigh of relief.
Suddenly he frowned deeply. Everything was there, and something else. He clutched at a piece of paper lying atop his clothes. It looked menacing, he wasn't sure he wanted to read whatever it was. He was almost positive he had locked his trunk, so how… his eyes widened at the paper.
Delinquent, (he almost laughed)
Stay away from Lily. I will warn you now. You will end this stupid game, or whatever it is, or you will face the consequences. Let it be known that I have means of preventing you and my daughter being together which are most unpleasant. She is engaged and will realize, if she has not already, that her fiancé has more to offer her than you ever could.
It didn't need a signature. James crumpled and dropped it back into his suitcase, as if it were the foulest thing he had ever touched. Mrs. Evans' threats meant nothing to him; but there was something that she had said… Maybe Lily really didn't want to be with him. He couldn't offer her anything, nothing at all. That must be why she was pushing him away; it made sense. She knew how he felt about her, and she hadn't protested much when he kissed her. But something was holding her back, and she had not explained it to him. What was he supposed to think? Yes, she must have decided that he wasn't worth it. James shoved his trunk off his bed and, as he always did when bothered by something, ran a hand through his disheveled hair.
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
A/N: I really, really appreciate all of the reviews; thanks to all of you. I hope you know that it means a lot =) I'm really sorry- but I don't have time to reply to you all right now. I promise, all of you will be acknowledged when I post next chapter! I just need to get to bed now, it's already just about midnight, and I haven't been getting much sleep. Really no wonder I just got over the flu lol. Thanks again! And I apologize if this chapter was a bit boring!
The song at the beginning is by The Calling. They're a really good band, actually. They remind me of Lifehouse.
Coming Up:
~ Finally some news about Daniel
~ New members of the Order
~ Mary and Lily aren't always nice to each other
Goodnight all!
~Emily~
