Chapter 25-  Elusive Solutions

            Soft moonlight illuminated Hogwarts castle, casting shadows over the grounds. Everything was eerily still, as it had been for the past several weeks. The edge of the Forbidden Forest looked like an impassible boundary, more so than it usually did; it was not inviting in the least. There was something strange shifting in the air around the forest. The grounds themselves looked empty, though the few trees jutting up towards the night sky had started growing leaves with the arrival of spring, giving them a softer appearance.

             A lone figure slipped out of the castle, paused supposedly to glance around, and advanced in the direction of the quidditch field. James Potter did not seem to notice the unusual feel of everything. He was perfectly content to ignore everything around him and concentrate on what was running through his mind at the moment; the turmoil of thoughts was enough to deal with.

            He retrieved his broom from the shed and shot into the sky above the quidditch field, the night air shifting through his messy hair, scattering it into his dark eyes. He couldn't remember a time when he had been this confused. In fact, he had never thought so much before this year. He would like to believe that none of it had to do with his relationship with Lily; what had happened to the both of them over the year. Perhaps she wasn't the cause, but then the only other option didn't seem all too appealing to him.

            James couldn't fathom the idea of maturing. Well, okay, he knew what it meant to be mature, on a basic level. But surely he couldn't have matured. Surely there was another reason for this new way that he was thinking about things. He thought back to the end of sixth year, when his attitude had been so carefree, wayward and oblivious. He smirked, remembering the pranks he and Sirius had planned and carried out, spending late nights sneaking around the castle and running from Filch. At that point in time, he had cared about nothing more than the fact that he was an infamous Marauder. The girls loved him, and hell, he loved himself.

            And then, the summer before his final year at Hogwarts, he had received an unexpected letter. The first thing on everyone's mind was why - why would Dumbledore pick someone like James Potter as Head Boy? James' first reaction was to laugh, and turn to Sirius to ask where his real letter was. But it hadn't been a prank, and James was left to wonder how he was going to manage the responsibility.

            His wayward attitude didn't disappear right away. He came back to school with the same smug idea in his head that he was James Potter and could do anything - and then he had gotten to know Lily Evans, the Head Girl. Though she may not have known it, he had always admired her from afar. She was nothing like him, besides the fact that they both received good marks. Once he got to know her, though, he realized that they weren't completely different after all. His self-assured attitude, disrespectfulness, and general misbehavior began to evaporate as the year progressed.

            And now, looking back, he felt that he understood what it meant to be "whipped". He had a pretty good idea that something similar had happened to himself during the past year. Still, he wasn't entirely different. Parts of the old James were still with him; he would never lose his tendency to be, well, a Marauder. The difference was that he now acted more mature with his decisions and actions.

            Suddenly, James blinked, his broom now hovering only slightly above the ground. So that was it! He was more mature!

            "Oh, bloody hell," James groaned to himself, shaking his head. He lifted the handle of his broom and shot upwards, now speeding from one end of the field to the other.

            On second thought, maybe being mature wasn't a bad thing. It might take away some of his fun, but it could also help him…maybe that was what Lily wanted. Surely, if he was more mature, he could give her what she wanted. If it really was money she was looking for, he could find a way to make it. His right hand slipped inside the pocket of his robes, brushing over the crumpled piece of paper residing there. He took it out and smoothed it over, slowing the speed of his flying as he reread the note for a fourth time.

            It was the note Lily's mother had left in his trunk, the one that he had at first discarded and tried to forget. It said exactly what one might expect (that James was a delinquent and he needed to stop this "game" with Lily or there would be consequences), except for one thing. Her mother had said that Lily would realize if she hadn't already, that Patrick had what she needed. After all, he was rich, and if there was such a thing in his case, well-groomed.

            Was that really what Lily wanted? James didn't have any of those things. Maybe the way she had been pushing him away over Christmas had been her way of telling him that he wasn't good enough. That was his reasoning for how he was now acting towards her. He had been trying to ignore her lately, even to the point of being slightly unfriendly. He didn't want to continue trying to push her back into a relationship; James really didn't want to be that pitiful guy who had to beg. Lily had probably just become sick of him; perhaps she had realized that James wasn't what she wanted, even if she was still opposed to marrying Patrick.

            James was now frowning as he glanced up at the stars. The half moon was much further into the sky than it had been when he started flying; he had the suspicion that he should be heading back to the school. As he descended, he noticed a figure standing next to the broom shed, gazing up at him.

            James dismissed his initial alarm when he realized that it was just one of his friends. He landed in front of Remus Lupin. "Hi Moony, what brings you out here?"           

            "I was having trouble sleeping, and I saw you flying from the window. Thought I'd come outside. What about you?"

            "I dunno, just…bored I guess."

Remus surveyed James with his light eyes. He had heightened perception of everything because he was a werewolf, and he sensed a change in James. Remus was by nature an introspective person, but he had always been slightly embarrassed by the fact. He never wanted to bring up anything very insightful with his friends; he was afraid they might laugh at him. But he noticed that James had a different look in his eyes than previous years. Something had changed him and hopefully for the better.

            "James, are you – okay?" Remus asked suddenly, realizing that James was now staring at the ground.

            The messy-haired Marauder shook himself. "Of course I am, why?" But then he looked up at his friend and saw that he was completely serious. James sighed. "No, I'm really not okay. I don't know what's wrong with me, Moony."

            Remus nodded, as if he had already known that. "Come on, we haven't talked much this year. If you want, I'll listen."

            "Thanks," James mumbled after a moment, surprised that this wasn't awkward at all. He had always known that Remus would help when he had a problem, but previously he had been hesitant to discuss any kind of emotions with anyone. He sat down on the grass and motioned for Remus to do the same. After they had both been sitting a moment, James spoke. "It's just…everything. I don't even feel like I know myself anymore. There's the Order – and everything involved with this war, it's all getting worse. I have to figure out what I'm going to do when we graduate. And then…there's Lily."

            Remus smiled softly. "And that's what you're really worried about."

James' eyes focused on Remus and he frowned. "Maybe. I – miss her, I guess. Only, I don't think she cares about me at all."

            Remus suddenly looked surprised. "You really think she doesn't care? Why?"

James silently reached for the note and placed it in Remus' hand. Remus took it with a questioning look and began to read. He might not have known everything that was going on between James and Lily, but he knew basically what was happening, and Lily had told him at some point about her mother. But once he had finished perusing the letter, he glanced up at James, whose face held an almost moping expression, and laughed.

            James frowned. Maybe it had been a mistake to discuss this with Remus. He shifted slightly, Remus noticed and stopped laughing. "I'm sorry Prongs, it's just – you know that Lily's mum is seriously out of her mind, right?"
           

Surprised by the question, James replied, "Well, yeah. I mean, I've met the woman. She practically kidnapped me, of course she's a little – detached."

            "Then why do you believe what she says?"

James frowned. "It's just that Lily's been trying to push me away and I thought that could be the reason."

            Remus shook his head. "I really don't think Lily was pushing you away because she thought you weren't good enough."

            "But then why won't she let us be together?"

The werewolf silently considered this; this was something he hadn't worked out yet. After a moment, he replied softly, "It could have something to do with her arranged marriage."

            "But I thought she didn't want to marry the guy!" James burst out, disgruntled.

Remus held up a hand. "You didn't let me finish – I was going to say that she might want to work out how she was going to destroy that engagement before she considers starting up your relationship again. After all, you've been together and broken up several times, maybe it's just too much for her right now."

            James face smoothed over thoughtfully. Maybe Moony is right, he thought, maybe Lily really does care for me, even if only a little bit. He suddenly smiled, causing Remus to smile back. "Thanks Moony."

            Remus smiled. "Sure, anytime." He paused. "Was there anything else?"

"No…not really. At least, I think it's time we head back to the castle and go to bed, we have classes in the morning."

            Remus glanced upwards, purposefully trying to ignore the moon, and nodded; the stars had moved considerably. The two boys got up, brushing dirt off their robes, and stumbled back towards the castle.

            After a moment, Remus asked, "So what do you think of the new members of the Order?" James frowned; that was another thing to think about. Dorcas Meadowes, Marlene McKinnon, Edgar Bones, and Gideon Prewett all seemed respectable enough, but could they really be trusted?

~*~*~*~*~

            Lily was certainly not in a good mood when she woke up. It took her a moment, in her disorientation, to remember what had happened the night before. But once she glanced over at Mary's empty bed, she realized that they had had a fight. Groaning, she buried her face in her pillow, tangled auburn hair splayed across her shoulders. She shouldn't have said any of that to Mary, she realized that now. But at the same time she didn't feel ready to apologize, because she didn't think that any of it was really her fault. It wasn't like she had been the first person to lash out.

            In her seven years of knowing Mary, they had only fought a couple of times and never over anything very substantial. This was a little different, and Lily felt the weight of it as soon as she lifted herself out of bed. She and Mary had always been inseparable, and unless one of them was going to back down and apologize (it would have to be Mary, because Lily sure as hell wasn't about to), Lily was going to have a very lonely day of classes.

            She dressed with lethargy, not entirely sure why she was getting up at all. But with NEWTS testing coming up, she didn't have much of a choice. She haphazardly splashed cold water on her face and left her dorm, almost forgetting to grab her bag and books on the way.

            When she entered the Great Hall, she found that Mary and the Marauders were already there. Sirius was as usual chatting away without reserve; grinning at Mary and trying to make her laugh, but her despondent expression remained. She saw Lily out of the corner of her eye and purposefully ignored the redhead. Lily frowned and took the open seat next to James. He looked over at her in slight surprise, but after a moment's hesitation, smiled broadly at her.

            Lily's eyebrows drew together in confusion; was he not ignoring her anymore? All of this was so confusing, but she smiled back at him nevertheless. He looked considering as he gazed at her, as if he were trying to interpret something. Her face blushed slightly under his close attention and she turned to the plate in front of her, unsure of how to act.

            Truthfully, she wanted nothing more than to lean over and hug him – or snog him senseless. But no, it would just complicate things further; she had a whole mess to sort out before she could think closely about what she wanted. James realized that she was uncomfortable and abruptly turned back to his own food, noticed that he had eaten it all, and passed Lily the orange juice instead.

            "Thank you," she said quietly, as their eyes met again.

Her distraction from sense did not last long, however, as she heard Mary's voice a few seats down.

            "Sirius," Mary was saying, "will you tell Lily that I want the quill that she borrowed from me yesterday back?"
           

Sirius, looking slightly confused, turned to Lily and said, "You heard her."

Lily's face took on an obstinate expression as she replied, "Heard what?"

            "Er – Mary needs her quill back."

Lily sweetly replied, "Oh, of course." She retrieved the quill from her bag and handed it to Sirius, who blinked at her and handed it to Mary.

            Mary took the quill without so much as a word, ignoring Sirius's bemused expression. Lily turned back to her food, which was largely untouched.

            James said quietly, "What's going on between the two of you?" His breath grazed Lily's ear, causing her to shiver slightly.

            "Nothing. She's just being an idiot."

"Um – did you have a fight or something?"

            "Yes, a bit of a falling out. It's really not important."

James looked unconvinced, but dropped the subject, happy as he was with this level of compliancy with Lily.

            As the day progressed, conditions didn't improve between Lily and Mary. Mary had seated herself with Sirius in each and every one of their classes, purposefully ignoring the fact that Lily existed. Lily, still steaming slightly inside, took a seat either alone, or next to James.

            Surprisingly, James didn't seem to mind at all. There was something strange going on, it was like he kept changing his mind. Lily noticed that he was acting much warmer towards her than he had been in the past few weeks, and she was grateful for it, even if she didn't really want to admit it. She thought it was sweet of him, considering that she had been somewhat cold towards him lately. In fact, Mary's words were affecting her more than she would let on. But she still sustained that she and James weren't working out. They had had too many break-ups in too short a time; it just didn't seem worth it, even if she did want to kiss him.

            Would James really take her back, though? Mary had said that he was just waiting until Lily came back to him, but was that really true? Lily didn't think so. It just wouldn't be that easy, in her opinion, because she felt that she had right pissed him off. Only…now he wasn't acting like he was angry anymore. Lily shook her head, not wanting to dwell on the subject.

            She knew that before she thought about James, she should figure out what she was going to do about Patrick and her mother. There were a few options, but none of them looked very bright to her. The problem was, even if she ran off on her own, her parents or Patrick were likely to come across her unless she hid from them every moment of her life. That, and there was the fact that she had always lived a pampered life, though she liked to think that she was independent. Maybe she could be, but she realized that she would probably miss a lot of the luxury having so much wealth provided for her. If only she could convince her mother that this marriage was ridiculous, the problem would be basically solved. Fat chance…but maybe, maybe she could talk to Patrick. She hadn't perceived him as very understanding, but there was a chance that he didn't really want this marriage either. A small chance, but there was hope…

            Lily nodded to herself. And then she realized that she had been sitting in the library, staring at Madame Pince's desk for the past twenty minutes, at least. And the librarian was looking at her strangely.

            Turning slightly red, she glanced down at her open Charms textbook. The words glared back at her, creating an instant headache. "Oh, bugger it," she mumbled while slamming the book shut. She set it aside and leaned back in her chair, stretching her cramped arms behind her.

            At that moment, Marlene McKinnon headed towards her, her light green eyes watching Lily gently. She stood in front of the table and said quietly, "I hope I'm not bothering you, but I was wondering if we could talk."

            Lily nodded, gesturing to the chair in front of her. "Of course, sit down." Marlene had made a good impression on Lily when they had first met; she had a certain predilection for the girl.

            Marlene dropped her books on the table next to Lily's and did as Lily instructed. Then, wringing her hands, she said so quietly that Lily had to lean forward to hear her, "I did it."

            "What?" Lily asked, bewildered. And then she remembered Marlene's offer when they had all met at the Order meeting. The girl had said that her brother was a Slytherin Death Eater, and that she would try to learn things from him. Lily's expression turned grim.

            "I…got him to think that I was interested. He was a little surprised at first, because a few months ago I was yelling at him over our parents' death, but…he seemed to think that I was completely serious."

            "Are you sure you want to do this?" Lily asked again, as she had at the meeting. "I really don't want to put you into that kind of position, it's dangerous."
           

Marlene tilted her head slightly sideways, pushing brown hair back behind her ears. "Yes," she whispered, "after all, he killed our parents. I want to bring down all of the Death Eaters and their cause."

            Lily nodded, pulling back a little. "I understand…but what do you intend to learn from him?"

            "Well, you said we wanted to know who the Death Eaters in this school are, who any leaks might be. I thought I may be able to find that out just by talking to my brother." Marlene finished uncertainly, as the Head Girl was watching her carefully.

            "I'm just worried – they might try to give you the mark, Marlene. I'm not sure what we would do in that case."

            The sixth year Gryffindor shrugged uncomfortably. "I guess I'll figure it out when the time comes. I don't have anything to go home for anyway."

            Lily sadly watched as Marlene glanced around her suspiciously to make sure nobody was listening, and then said, "Well, I just wanted to let you know. Please tell me when the next Order meeting will be, and I'll keep working on my brother."

            Lily squeezed Marlene's hand briefly as she stood. "Thanks for everything, and if you need help with anything at all, please just ask me."

            Marlene nodded with a small, sad smile, and disappeared the way she had come. Lily instantly felt guilty about all she had been worrying about lately; it seemed so insignificant in the scheme of things.

~*~*~*~*~

            The days rolled past and Lily was beginning to count the weeks until NEWTS testing. She remembered how arduous the end of fifth year had been with all of the OWLS, and that only served to stress her out more.

            Presently, she was sitting in the middle of the common room, books surrounding her and the Marauders seated off to the side. Lily lifted her quill off the parchment in front of her and glanced up just as Mary passed her chair.

            It was the day of Daniel's funeral, and Lily still had not reconciled her friendship with Mary. It wasn't that she was still angry, exactly, Lily was just stubborn, and Mary was no better; neither of them said more than what was necessary to the other. Lily had noticed that Mary was very subdued, very unlike her usual optimistic, bright personality. Her eyes had been bloodshot and watery more often than not in the past week. It was obvious that she still hadn't accepted Daniel's disappearance.

            Lily felt partly responsible for this, and had been debating recently whether she had acted in the wrong as far as their argument was concerned. She knew that Mary needed comforting right now, and she couldn't imagine what it was like for Mary to go through this. Lily tried to place herself in the same position, to sympathize.

            But this only brought her back to James, which was something (or someone) she didn't feel like thinking about right then. That was something she had yet to solve, along with Patrick, who she had meant to contact in the past few days but hadn't gotten around to it. Reluctantly, she admitted that she was running out of time to straighten everything out.

            The air surrounding the group of seventh years was heavy. Even Sirius, who had been attempting to cheer everyone up lately, was sitting quietly and staring into space. Mary was the only one of them with a connection to Daniel, a reason to be so miserable. The rest of them were subdued simply because this was a student – someone their age – and his life had ended so suddenly. No body had been found or anything, he had just disappeared. With the rising of Voldemort and a new murder everyday, the reality of the situation was beginning to sink in.

            Sirius saw Mary and stood up to lay an arm over her shoulders. Lily frowned; she should be the person to do that. She should have been around to comfort her friend. She watched as Sirius mumbled something to the raven-haired girl, who smiled weakly at him, none of the forced humor reaching her eyes. 

            Lily sighed; she would have to apologize. She could never part with Mary on bad terms after graduation, and Mary was in need of her most now. But she didn't wish to do it in front of everyone, so she kept silent.

~

            Later that day, Lily made her way onto the Hogwarts grounds, where a crowd was already gathering. Her black robes billowed behind her as the wind threatened to blow her over. She squinted, spotting Mary near the front, speaking with two adults Lily had never seen before. Under the tree next to the lake was a gathering of flowers and in the middle, a picture of Daniel on his broom, throwing a quaffle around.

            Lily spotted James and his friends and decided to join them. She stopped next to James, who looked down at her. She had never seen so many solemn people at once. Even the Marauders were frowning and staring at the ground.

            "Hello James," Lily whispered, shivering slightly because of the wind.

James smiled weakly at her and placed an arm around her waist, his fingers closing around hers. She didn't protest; it was all very comforting, and she needed that now. She glanced back at Mary, who was standing in front of the picture, her black hair tied into a bun with some strands straying in the wind. The woman Lily didn't recognize laid a hand on Mary's back, causing her to burst into tears.

            Lily looked up at James and whispered, "I'll be back." Her heart thumping painfully, she approached Mary, wondering what she should say. She decided that words were not necessary at the moment, and simply wrapped her arms around Mary, engulfing her in a tight hug.

            "I'm so sorry," Lily mumbled eventually against her friend's shoulder. "I was wrong, I hope you'll forgive me."

            Mary continued to sob into Lily's robes, the redhead patting her back. The dark-haired man and woman that had been standing with Mary earlier had tears of their own streaming down their cheeks. After another few minutes, Mary finally pulled away, swiping at her eyes.

            "I'm sorry – I just – thanks," she managed to get out, squeezing Lily's hand. She turned to the couple standing beside them and told Lily, "These are Daniel's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Hopkins."

            She smiled sadly at them and gestured towards Lily. "And this is my friend since first year, Lily Evans."

            "Very pleased to meet you," Mrs. Hopkins said through her tears.

Lily shook her hand carefully, "I'm very sorry…about everything."

            Mr. Hopkins nodded solemnly but said nothing, his face blotchy and eyes bloodshot from crying.

            Mrs. Hopkins turned back to Mary and said, "And of course I am very glad to meet the girl that Daniel told me so much about."

            "He – he talked about me?"

"Oh, yes. He always mentioned you in his letters," the dark-haired woman gave a great sniff, breaking down into more tears as her husband wrapped his arms around her.

            Lily frowned; she really had had no idea that Daniel and Mary were ever so close. She blamed herself for that – she hadn't made a great effort to talk to Mary about it, as concerned as she always was about her own problems. She laid her arm across Mary's shoulders, determined to comfort her friend no matter what.

            Lily noticed that the crowd around them had grown considerably, though the noise was kept to a minimum; everyone seemed to be speaking quietly if they were talking at all. There was an air of crushed feelings hanging over them like an unpleasant cloud.

            Dumbledore stepped in front of all of the flowers, his back towards the lake. He scanned the crowd with tired and sad blue eyes.  The sounds of whispering began to fade as everyone turned their attention towards the headmaster. He nodded respectfully towards Daniel's parents and cast a quick charm on his throat.

            "We are here today to honor an outstanding student, an accomplished quidditch player, but most importantly, a sincere and honorable man." The crowd had fallen completely silent; Lily was amazed that this many people could be so quiet. "Daniel Hopkins was a -"

            Very suddenly, a loud noise of someone clearing their throat was heard to the side of the crowd.  Most of the students turned to see who had made the noise, and many gasps echoed through them. Daniel's parents, Mary, and Lily all turned at the same time, and Lily's heart skipped a beat.      

            No…it couldn't be. It simply was not possible for Daniel Hopkins to be present here. He was dead…right? Mary and Mrs. Hopkins' mouth had dropped open and they were blatantly staring. Dumbledore had stopped speaking and was gazing seriously and in surprise at the person who everyone had thought dead.

            "D-Daniel?" Mr. Hopkins managed to stutter out.

"Yes, father. It's me."

            Mary gave a little squeak next to Lily, and might have fainted if Lily had not steadied her.

            Daniel didn't look as surprised as he should be at the sight of a funeral for himself. He was looking around at everyone with slight indifference, and his eyes came back to rest on his parents, who were still frozen with disbelief. He advanced towards them, and Dumbledore approached as well. The crowd wasn't saying a word, only staring with no idea what was transpiring.

            "Mr. Hopkins, please explain yourself," Dumbledore prompted, seeing that nobody else was going to speak.

            "Well," Daniel began with a heavy voice but so quietly that only Lily, Mary, Dumbledore, and his parents could hear, "during Christmas I was taken…by Death Eaters. They wanted information from me, and took my wand before I could react. The past few weeks I was dragged along as their prisoner. They told me nothing about where we were going, until a few nights ago when they mentioned that I was going to see the Da- Voldemort. I managed to escape during the night, with my wand, and I found my way back barely."

            Dumbledore was looking confused, even skeptical, but he said nothing. Daniel's parents seemed to suddenly realize that their son was standing in front of them – the same son that they had just been crying over – and Mrs. Hopkins threw her arms around him, hugging him tight. Mary stood off to the side, so bewildered she looked like she'd learned the secrets of the universe.

            Lily held back, watching the scene unfold. Something was not right about this. Daniel was acting strange – entirely too casual about this hardship of his. And shouldn't he have more scratches or at least signs that he had been on the run from Death Eaters for the past several days.
           

As if in answer to her question, Daniel said, "I managed to cast some healing charms on myself along the way…" He wrapped his arms around his mom. "I'm so – so sorry."

            Mary broke into a jog and threw her arms around his backside, burying her face into his robes. After a moment he let his mother go and turned his attention to Mary. She lifted her head and they stared at one another. He traced a finger over her mouth. Mary shuddered softly and said, "I can't believe it's you." He smiled with an expression of both pain and delight.

            It was almost too much for Lily's mind to digest – what the hell had just happened and why? She felt someone beside her and looked up to see James. He looked exactly how she felt. "Er – he's not a ghost is he?" James muttered.

            Lily mumbled, "He can't be. Look – he's completely solid."

"But then what - ?" he let the question hang in the air, obvious as it was.

            "I have no bloody idea," Lily murmured, still staring at Mary and Daniel, and his parents. They were all talking heatedly again, their heads together so that Lily could not hear. She shook her head; she would certainly like a full explanation. But as she thought about it, she became more worried. This meant that the Death Eaters and Voldemort knew very well about the Order of the Phoenix. Kelly Johnstone had known who was in it, was it possible that she had known that Voldemort was planning on kidnapping Daniel too, at the same time she was tricking Lily and James into trusting her? In any case, somebody knew about the Order and had been feeding information to Voldemort, which meant that they were all targets now. This whole thing was frightening, and it seemed to have just gotten worse…

            Lily reached for James' hand and found it. He looked down at her and almost seemed to read what she was thinking through her emerald eyes as he drew her into a tight hug, whispering against her hair, "Don't worry, we'll figure something out."

~*~*~*~*~

            Over the course of the next few days, Lily remained slightly bewildered. It was all so unbelievable and unnerving. And she had meant to ask Mary about Daniel's strange behavior, to see if maybe she wasn't just imagining it. But the boy wasn't acting like his normal self. Truthfully, Lily had never spent much time talking with him, but she was sure that this wasn't his normal behavior. Perhaps though, he was still in shock over his experience; surely something like that would change a person. She still wanted to address Mary about it, but every time she got ready to do so, she noticed the bright smile on Mary's face and couldn't bring herself to do it. It could wait, Lily guessed. She probably was just imagining things; she felt that she might be becoming paranoid with all that had happened lately.

            One evening, Lily remembered her idea to send a letter to Patrick, just to take her chances and see if he might be against this marriage as well. Sure, the chances were slim and she was taking a risk with her mother finding out about it, but she was ready to try almost anything. She was slightly dismayed by the fact that he was a muggle and she couldn't send him an owl – but then she remembered that she could just tell the owl to put it in his mailbox, though she might need to explain to the owl what a mailbox was.

            She was gathering up some parchment and a quill, getting ready to leave her dorm for the owlry, when a tapping sounded at her window. Lily glanced up, startled, and walked towards the window to open it. A large tawny owl flew through, extending his leg for Lily to untie a letter. She frowned and carefully took it, patting the owl on the head and mumbling thanks. The owl nipped her finger and flew back out the window.

            Lily stared at the letter in her hands – she knew that handwriting very well. She groaned, "Not again. This is completely ridiculous." She had thought that her mother would leave her alone, at least for a little while. It seemed that was only wishful thinking. Although it had been a while since they had had any contact, it didn't feel that way to Lily.

            She opened the seal in apprehension, unfolding the crisp paper with a sinking sense of dread.

Dearest Lily,

            I admit that I have not been entirely fair to you lately, and I apologize for that. But you must also realize that your behavior hasn't been what it should be, and you should be ashamed of your recent actions. It should not make a difference, however, as I have straightened everything out like a good mother should. I believe I have handled the boy you had that silly infatuation with quite well; I am probably right in assuming that you two have broken your relationship – which, believe me dear, is for your own good.

            I am prepared to forgive you for all of your misconduct if you are ready to repent. I have settled everything with Patrick's mother, and he himself seems ready to marry you, despite you disappearing from the scene at the Christmas party. But you must cease all of this nonsense now, before more problems arise. A certain Miss Henderson – you have met her on several occasions – has been showing interest in Patrick. I would not want her to interfere, so I must ask you to be quick in your repentance and acceptance of this marriage, so that we may set a date for the wedding. I will be in touch with you and have full confidence in you making the right decision.

            With love,

            Your Mother

Lily frowned; the letter only mixed her emotions up further. On the one hand, her mother angered her to no end; she was so oblivious to everything that was not socially correct for the society she had grown up in. Lily hated how her mother continued to try running her life, when on several occasions Lily had made it very clear that she wouldn't allow it. The problem was that she often did not have that choice.

            And then, on the other hand, she was remembering when she was younger, during the times that she and her mother still got along. They had been close at one point, Lily had adored Mrs. Evans, wanted to be just like her. Lily's old feelings of respect, now laced with disgust, were conflicting inside her mind. She had no idea how to respond to this letter.

            But something was bothering her specifically about it. Yes, there it was – how did her mum know that she and James had broken up again? And her mother had handled him? Lily thought this seemed very suspicious. She needed to talk to James, but it was late; he was probably in bed. Tomorrow, she thought. Tomorrow she would ask him about everything. They had things to sort out, and though she was reluctant to do so, she knew that her time was running short on these things.

            She stared at the letter in her hands, reading it over once more, as if it held the answers to her problems. Not likely, but suddenly something clicked in her brain. Miss Henderson's daughter – she remembered that girl. Distinctly, in fact, as they had never gotten along. But Paula Henderson was interested in Patrick, was she? Now, that was an interesting bit of information. Lily's mind was working fast as she decided that sending a letter to Patrick would now be unnecessary, thanks to her mother's letter. Lily and Paula had never agreed on anything in the past, but maybe…Yes, that's what she would do, first thing tomorrow. Lily quickly threw on some pajamas and climbed into her bed with a broad smile and a much clearer head.

@~~~~~~~~@

A/N: Okay, so it's a couple pages longer than all of the other chapters, but I don't suppose that makes up for my lack of updating =( I am sorry about that, though.

Living In A Nightmare- Lol, yeah I would be bereft of a plot if Lily were more defiant of her parents. She's getting there though, or at least making progress.

Tears of a Fairy Queen- They'll get back together soon, don't worry! Thanks again, of course.

MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus- I'm glad you thought it was worth the wait, but I'm not so sure about this chapter; I don't think I like it lol. I have no idea why I'm posting it, but oh well ;) I'm very glad you've come back to read more.

Diehard Toad- You're right, I probably did mix up Sirius's eye color. I seem to make that mistake a lot, I really should just keep it the same for all my stories. Oh, and as to Kelly not being in Slytherin, I suppose that's up for interpretation – did she really go bad after all? And happy late birthday! That just goes to show how long it's been since I updated, lol.

MonkinO- Oh, I love you for sticking with me this long! I hope you understand better know why James is avoiding Lily (her mother's note to him and all) and I apologize again, you're right, I'm very slow.

Mafioso- Reviews in general make me happy, but yours made be extremely happy =) I couldn't tell you why, exactly, except that if someone calls me a good writer it makes my day. I'm really surprised that you would like my story over other L/J or Marauder stories, because this is not nearly as good as many of them out there. But I was very flattered by your review and I thank you.

Loraliant Angelisa Snape- Lol, so much for the update within a month idea, I should just not bring it up anymore, shouldn't I? Well I'm terribly sorry for not reviewing your stories lately; I need to get on that.

Vamperfly- Haha, happy new year? Oh boy – it has been forever since I updated. It honestly doesn't feel like so long, but I guess it has been. Oh believe me, I cried over Sirius too. I couldn't help it, he's just so – lovable, I guess. Thanks again, I really appreciate you even attempting to continue reading this story.

Jessie xxx- Not soon, but it's another chapter…lol, I seem to be saying that a lot. And of course, thanks again.

PeRkieGuRL- I'm sorry, I hope it's not too sad. And you're right, Lily was being mean. But she's getting over it; she just may give James a big fat kiss soon. We'll have to see about that, though…

Carolinus Took- Yeah, I usually have trouble coming up with good review comments. I'm glad you try to review a fic to the end, I hope it hasn't been so long that I turned you away completely!

Chicken Stars- Lol, Patrick can't be killed so easily…I think. And Lily and James will continue to be stubborn of course, even though it's incredibly annoying. Lily just makes things hard on herself, doesn't she? ;)

Cyd- Haha, it is all so simple, isn't it? It's Lily's fault really, apart from her annoying mom. I'm really glad you like the story so far, I hope you keep reading (next update won't take quite as long, I promise!).

Armadrieclya- Did you ever read past chapter four, I'm curious? Well either way, thanks for reviewing!

Erin- Quite honestly, I wish I would update more often too. Oh wait…that's my fault, isn't it? Lol, I'm sorry, I just have trouble finding the time and I had a lot to try and straighten out with this story before I kept writing. I hope you haven't given up yet though =)

Limbo-gal- I'm glad you find it different from other stories; I don't like to be too redundant though sometimes I am. Anyway, thanks for still reading!

Ash- Lol, I'm sorry. I guess I ended this chapter in a sort of bad place too.

VaNiLLa*cHai 501- Thanks, glad you think so! And I'll try to write the next chapter much, much quicker.

Shayley Rain- Although you are probably no longer hooked on this, as it's been forever and a day, I hope that you haven't stopped reading completely. And thanks, once again, for reviewing!

FrightninglyObsessed- Yes, it was just real life getting in the way, and I'll never abandon the story, I promise! Thanks for putting up with me.

Pigwidgeon188- I finally updated! I am so sorry it took me so long, I really am. I had quite a bit of trouble writing this chapter, and I'm not very happy with it still. Thanks so much for reading my other story as well, you have no idea how much it means to me. I hope I haven't disappointed you too much with this update. And I plan on updating 'Beautiful Addiction' soon as well.

Nestle- As for Sirius singing 'in the end', you're right that the song wouldn't be out in their generation. But honestly, I don't think it matters all that much. And we have no idea when they started calling themselves the Marauders, though it probably wasn't when they first met. I have no problem at all with criticism – in fact I like it – but please do give me something I can actually improve upon next time.

Marine- I was really flattered by your review, thanks a lot! And Lily's going to straighten her attitude out here soon. If you do end up starting that story about Harry's 6th year, let me know 'cause I'd like to read it. I doubt I could ever be of any help, but if you ever wanted I'm willing to try! But you can probably do that on your own. Anyway, thanks again.

Katie-xoxo-   Thank you once again! I really do appreciate you continuing to read my stories, and putting me on your favorites list and all =)

Queen-Sissy-star1- Aw, thank you so much. You've read and reviewed all three of the stories I'm working on and added me to your favorites list – I honestly could not ask for more!

Angel's Reflection- Lol, thanks for reading my stories, I'll try to write more for you soon.

Sour-Peach- Haha, I think you're right – I twisted the plot a little too much at times, and I'm sorry. I hope you kept reading, though!

Sexy Dancin Babe- It's funny you should ask, because I read your review while I was writing this chapter. Well thanks for reading more!

A/N: I confess I had quite a bit of trouble writing this chapter, or starting it I should say; once I started it all went pretty fast. I just wasn't sure how to approach it, which is one reason for the very late update, along with not having enough time. I'm also kind of lazy. I'm still unhappy with it, but at this point I don't care all that much.

          I realized, looking back at some of the story that I've only posted like 5 chapters in the past year! But then, it was last April when the 'year of hell' (or at least the majority of it) started, so I suppose that's my excuse. I'm still very sorry, I apologize to all of you who have bothered to stick with me this long – and those who haven't. Okay, so I have every intention of finishing this story, and I hope to be able to do it soon. Before you ask, I'm not so sure how many more chapters there will be, but I do have a pretty good idea how the rest of the story will go – which I definitely should have thought about earlier lol.

          I also realized that I don't like a lot of this story. It's been so long that when I read over it, I can pick out little things that are just, well, bad, and I hate it but I don't think I have time to redo anything right now. And finally, I apologize for any inconsistencies in this chapter. It's been forever and I can't remember much about writing the last several chapters. I also wrote the first half of this chapter a couple weeks ago and the second half tonight.

          All of that being said (none of it was really necessary, was it? Ah, well), I will do my best to get next chapter out much sooner and I hope you all haven't given up on me yet. Now I'm off to watch the end of the basketball game…I will see you all soon =)

~Emily~