Disclaimer: FY's not mine. I only claim rights to this story, and the idea behind it.

Author's Note: Nak x Tama fic. Happens after Tamahome's abduction but before he is drugged. This chapter is shown in Nakago's POV. It follows right after the last scene in the first chapter.

Why do I feel? By Josh Hal

Chapter 2: Nakago

Cute, little Suzaku boy...can't resist, can you?

He finally gave in. I don't know what exactly was so different with that look than all those others, but I just felt him shudder. It was as though he knew his defenses had been breached and he'd been left exposed for his enemies to pillage. Well I certainly wouldn't mind.

To be honest, I've had my eye on him ever since I saw him at the city gates. He'd been trying to get past the guards and even then he was so striking I couldn't help but notice. There's something about his defiant brashness that intrigued me...and still does, even now. He seems to believe that nothing in this world can stop him. Well, I hope to have him stop at his heels every time he sees me from now on.

I know he can't possibly love me...well, not yet at least. We're enemies after all, and he seems to be fiercely loyal to his side. But I can't help but think ahead – what if I abandon this mission, and defect to their side instead? It wouldn't be logical, but Seiryuu knows how much I hate that bastard of a king he raised to the throne. Besides, no one could stop me even if they wanted to. That much I'm sure.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm not even sure how I feel about him. What's the point of defecting if I won't gain much by doing so? Is he really that important to me? All I know is that he stirs up all these conflicting emotions inside. He makes me want to slaughter him every time he answers back; but he also makes me want to hold him in my arms whenever he turns in his sleep, dreaming of going back to where he belonged. If I were to have my way, I would do the latter – but at one condition: He must love me just as much. And if today's incident is any indication – that may begin to happen soon.

People often think that I'm cold and heartless – a manipulating power- monger whose sole purpose in life is to make everyone else's life miserable. But what they do not realize is that beneath this stolid mask is a heart that needs as much caring and love as any other. I've learned not to show those needs because I couldn't afford to (the emperor would've picked me apart had I done so), but it doesn't mean that they don't exist. And call me crazy, but I actually believe those needs could be met by that brave, relentless Suzaku boy.

Tamahome...the sound of his name alone speaks of courage, resistance, and unyielding devotion. I can see from the fire in his eyes how much he would defend those that he loves. Not that I need any defending...but for once, I'd like to be cared and thought about and made to feel special without being used for something else. All my life people have mistreated me – from that sick ruler to the oppressive generals down to the lowest of soldiers – they all thought I'd always stand back and listen to them bark orders at me and abuse me. Well they can do that no more...but I still want unconditional love all the same. If anything, growing up in such a twisted and conniving world has only intensified that longing. And you'd be a fool not to see that Tamahome is as perfect as they come in giving selfless, soul-warming love.

At this point you're probably shouting at me to notice Soi and Tomo, both of which clearly live only to please me. They are sources of warmth, no doubt. But just like me, they are only creatures of need drawn by the fulfillment of their desires. And unfair as it maybe, they are not what I desire. At this moment, at this hour, all I can think of is that strong and noble youth, whose character transcends the preconceived notion of beauty begetting love.

But just because I am attracted to his inner attributes doesn't mean that I am totally oblivious to his physical gifts. In fact, the edginess to his features only makes me want him even more. That beautiful torso leading down to his tapered waist and lithe longsome legs have always made him irresistibly sexy to me. But if beauty was my only concern, I could've have chosen a noble youth with the same magnificent musculature. Instead, his sensuality only adds to the priceless, unique package that he already is.

But before I get carried away, I have more plans to draw up, other worlds to conquer. For now, I just have to move slowly and get him to fall under my spell. And just in case that fails, I always have that pill to turn to. Oh Tamahome...someday you will be mine.