AN: Okay, this story is officially completed. I'm sure after a few weeks of thinking on it, I'll have to add an epilogue but I had to bring some closure to Ryan and Summer's relationship. I hope it's up to par. Let me know what you guys think. THANKS for all the reviews and all the people that encouraged me to expand this story. It's been a ride for our characters and I think they deserve the rest.
*****
"Never said I was innocent
I will burn in hell for the things I've done to you
Never said I was anything good…"
--Everclear
"Summer? Summer, what are you doing?" Anna is getting out of her car when Summer comes around the edge of the house.
"I have to go…" Summer says.
"Whoa…" Anna stops her, taking her arm. "What's going on?"
"I came to talk to Ryan but…one of us keeps getting upset and Marissa's Dad, her Dad, Anna…"
"What about her dad?" Anna asks, pulling Summer into a comforting hug.
""He just called to talk to Ryan…I think he's sending her away or something…"
Ryan walks past them suddenly, heading toward the street.
"Freeze. Where are you going?" Anna calls. Her and Summer turn to watch Ryan.
"A walk."
"Not with your leg, you're not. Ryan!" Anna calls.
"Ryan, stop."
Ryan stops in his tracks at Summer's voice.
"Stop running," She says.
"I'm not running. I need some air," He mutters, turning to look at her.
"You're outside," She deadpans.
"Both of you guys need to stop running and have a real conversation. Are you all right, Ryan?" Seth gives his girlfriend a hug as he appears, relieved to see Ryan.
"What did Jimmy say?" Summer asks, walking down the driveway to meet Ryan.
"He…"
"Ryan?"
He keeps his voice low and doesn't return her hug when she puts her arms around him. "Kirsten told Jimmy that Marissa was 'hassling' me at school and…"
"Hassling you?"
"Yeah. And now Jimmy's sending her to an 'inpatient facility'. A fucking mental hospital…"
"She's sick, Ryan," Summer says quietly.
"A lot of people are sick, Summer," Ryan replies.
Summer looks into his eyes but they are cold. "Why are you shutting down on me?"
"I'm not."
"You're lying. I can tell. You're…you think this is your fault…" Summer says.
"I shouldn't have said anything to Sandy…I should have just kept my mouth shut…" Ryan mutters.
"No. You shouldn't. You have to start talking…" Summer replies. She puts her hand against his cheek. "Ryan?"
"I need some air," Ryan says quietly.
"Ryan? Is Ryan out here?" Kirsten's voice calls from the doorway.
"Yeah," Ryan answers.
"Can I talk to you a minute?" She asks. Seth and Anna aren't in the driveway anymore and Ryan realizes that they must have said something to Kirsten.
"Come on," Summer pulls Ryan gently back toward the house.
"Ryan…where were you going?" Kirsten asks quietly as they walk past her into the house.
"I'm not going anywhere," Ryan murmurs with a sigh.
"Ryan…" Kirsten starts.
Ryan closes his eyes and leans against the wall and holds his hands up in surrender. He takes a deep breath. Summer leaves him alone with Kirsten.
"I think Ryan needs a little space," Sandy says as he walks in. "Let's take a walk." Sandy ignores the concerned looks and pulls Ryan gently from the house.
"I already tried a walk, I made it as far as the driveway," Ryan mutters, not following Sandy down the path.
"Well, now you're supervised," Sandy replies, pausing and turning to face him.
"I need to be supervised?"
"Do you?" Sandy asks.
"I'm tired of talking in these fucking circles!" Ryan snaps suddenly. "I just want to go somewhere and be able to hear myself think!"
"Ryan…"
"No, I just need some fucking quiet!" Ryan says. Sandy is clearly confused by Ryan's anger but he doesn't question him. He nods slowly at Ryan. Ryan walks past Sandy, down the driveway and disappears around the corner down the path to the beach.
"Good job," Kirsten says from the doorway.
"He'll be back."
"You called Jimmy, Kirsten?" Sandy sighs as he walks back into the house.
"I just called to check on Marissa, Sandy. When you told me how upset Ryan was yesterday…"
"You should have talked to me first. Or Ryan. It's like pulling teeth to get him to talk to us as it is and you betrayed his trust going to Jimmy," Sandy says to her on the doorstep.
"I was trying to help."
"We don't even know what was going on between them, Kirsten…" Sandy replies.
"You did the right thing," Anna says suddenly from behind Kirsten inside. "Marissa's not stable. She doesn't listen to anyone and she won't accept that it's over between them. She's, like, delusional," She adds.
"So you saw them talking at school?"
"When he went back to school on Monday, she was waiting for him in the parking lot," Anna says. "Crying and begging for forgiveness. Ryan just shut down. He didn't respond to anything she said and she just kept talking. She finally accepted his silence as forgiveness. So after every class, she'd be there. She'd cycle from crying to laughing. She really needs help."
"Thank you, Anna," Kirsten says quietly. Anna nods.
"We're going out to the poolhouse. Seth says that when Ryan gets back, Operation Wonderbra will still be active," Anna smiles.
"See? When Ryan gets back," Sandy says quietly. He embraces Kirsten.
"I should have talked to you."
"What is it about communication in this family that always seems to bite us in the ass?" Sandy sighs.
*****
"You make me scared but I take you everywhere…"
--Cold?
Ryan is only gone for about thirty minutes. When he gets back he walks into the house and finds Kirsten and Sandy in the kitchen.
"Back so soon?" Sandy asks quietly.
"I needed some air," Ryan says, standing by the sink.
"Where'd you go?" Kirsten asks.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box of cigarettes and tosses it onto the counter.
"Ah. So when you said you needed some air, this is what you meant," Kirsten smiles.
Ryan shrugs, his expression stony.
"I'm sorry, Ryan. About Marissa," Sandy says slowly. He glances at Kirsten before tossing the cigarettes back to Ryan. He catches them and puts them back into his pocket.
"She needs help, I'm not disputing that. But I don't appreciate being the catalyst for her getting sent to a mental institution," Ryan says in reply. He keeps his eyes lowered.
"Ryan, it's not like that…" Sandy replies.
"Not exactly. But Jimmy…" Ryan starts.
"Jimmy didn't know what was going on with Marissa. He had no idea you guys had even broke up. He didn't know about the guy in France or the other night when she showed up here…" Kirsten interrupts. "He's so wrapped up in his own issues that he didn't know what was going on in his child's life which is something that I can relate to after the past few weeks…"
"It's not your fault that she's going to the hospital, Ryan. Not everything is your fault," Sandy adds as Kirsten stops speaking.
"I didn't want to get involved. I was trying to walk away from her, sever all the ties between us. But when she gets out, when she starts to get better, she's going to know that I ratted her out to her dad. I'm always going to be the boy that got her put into a mental institution. And what's that going to look like if Summer and I were to try and have a relationship? It's like…we got her sent away so we could be together…it's like…everything's all twisted now…worse than before…" Ryan's face is blank but it's clear by his dark eyes that he's affected.
"Oh, Ryan, I'm sorry…" She gets up to embrace him but he holds his hands up and steps back.
"I can't. Not right now…" He says. She ignores him and puts her arms around him anyway. She realizes that he's shaking. He keeps his arms at his side, stiff.
"This isn't your fault," She whispers.
"It's like everything I do is wrong…even when I don't do anything…" Ryan murmurs, still not returning her hug.
"No, Ryan, it's not like that at all…" Kirsten says.
Ryan pulls away from her and steps back. "What do you want me to do." He didn't ask the question, he stated it.
"What do you mean?" Sandy asks after a pause. Kirsten excuses herself, upset. Ryan doesn't follow her exit, he keeps his gaze glued to the floor.
"What do you want me to do."
"Everyone's waiting for you in the poolhouse," Sandy says. "Why don't you go see what Seth's planned for you today?"
Ryan walks past Sandy, ignoring his concerned stare and out of the house. He hesitates outside the door to the poolhouse. He turns away from the door and starts to walk around the edge of the house. He can't face Summer right now. Or Seth. He needs quiet.
"Hey."
He stops. He turns to face Seth.
"What's up?" Seth asks, confused.
"I'm sorry. I just…I don't know…"
"What do you want to do, Ryan? This is supposed to be a day that you will not stress out and go all broody on us. Where can I take you?" Seth says, walking to Ryan's side.
"I just need some quiet," Ryan mutters.
"So. We're taking a roadtrip to the library?" Seth smiles slightly. Ryan meets his gaze for a second and Seth realizes that Ryan is trembling. "Is there anything I can do to make you chill out?"
"Yeah. Can you get me out of here?" Ryan asks.
"Of course."
"You can get the girls. I'll be out front," Ryan says.
*****
"Where are we going?" Anna whispers to Seth. They have been driving for over an hour with the stereo blasting. Ryan hasn't spoken. Summer is sleeping against his chest, curled up on the back seat. He has his arms around her and she is wrapped around him, her hands together behind his back. Ryan's blue eyes are locked in a stare out the window.
"Summer has a house in the hills that she says we can crash at for a while. She called the servants and told them that we were coming so they could take the weekend off," Seth replies.
"Is that a good idea?" Anna asks.
"Mom and Dad agreed that it might be for the best to get Ryan out of town for the night. I have to call them when we get there and Mom packed some things for him," Seth says. He slows down and pulls onto a paved driveway.
"Is this it?" Anna asks.
"I have no idea," Seth responds.
Ryan seems to snap out of his trance. "What?"
Anna and Seth glance back at him.
"Where the hell are we?" Ryan asks.
"Can you wake Summer up and ask her where we are?" Seth asks.
Ryan glances down at Summer and gently touches her face. She opens her eyes and smiles at him. "Hey…"
Ryan smiles despite himself. "Seth's lost."
Summer yawns and disentangles herself from his body. She sits up. "Oh. We're here. Good job, Seth."
"Where exactly is here?" Anna asks as the Range Rover continues to roll down the highway, passing large sprawling houses.
"Next driveway on the left," Summer points. Seth takes the turn and they ride in silence.
"Is this your dad's house?" Ryan asks Summer.
"Yeah. Seth said you needed to get out of town, that you needed some quiet. And its quiet here," Summer says.
"Thanks," Ryan says, honestly.
"I just want you to be okay, Ryan…"
"I am okay…"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm okay."
Summer nods and turns toward the window. She glances back when she feels his hand on her shoulder.
"I'm okay as long as you're here, Summer…" He whispers in her ear as the SUV comes to a stop. He gets out of the SUV before she can react.
*****
"There's a power when you're near me…"
--Heather Nova
"My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me…"
--Dashboard Confessional
"You're so sweet
Your smile, your pussy and your bones
You're on fire
You move like music with your style…"
--Deftones
Ryan is standing on the balcony of the third floor of Summer's vacation house. He smokes his cigarette and enjoys the silence and the view of the mountains. He has raided the bar and is halfway through a bottle of scotch when he catches the familiar scent of Summer. He turns.
"You're drinking."
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize to me, baby." She approached him and silently wraps her arms around his waist, pressing her face against his chest. She listens to his heart beat. She listens to him breathe.
"I'm so sorry, Summer…"
"Why? Why are you always sorry?" She asks, not letting him go. He puts an arm around her and gently runs a hand through her hair.
"I never meant to hurt you," He whispers.
"I know," She replies. "You never meant to hurt anybody."
He separates himself from her and steps back to the balcony.
"So. What do you want to do?" Summer asks quietly. Ryan takes a long swallow of the scotch. "Do you have to do that?"
"What?"
"Drink."
"Yeah. I think I do," Ryan says after a long pause.
Summer sighs. She walks over and stands beside him. She takes the bottle of scotch and slings it off the balcony. Ryan watches her in silence. He finishes the liquor in his glass and passes it to her.
"Ryan."
He sighs. He turns away from her, not meeting her gaze.
"What am I supposed to do, Ryan? I want you so bad and its like…"
"I don't think we can be together, Summer…I…I think that it's too much…" He murmurs. She walks over to him and slaps him across his face.
"Stop." She takes his face in her hands and kisses him. After several seconds, he returns her desperate kiss.
"You can't tell me that you don't love me…I know you…I know how you think…I need you…you're the only person that understands me…you're the only person that's ever cared about me like this…I won't lose you…I won't let you go…" Summer murmurs, pulling him against her. He doesn't speak but he holds her tightly against him.
"I don't want to hurt you, Summer…" Ryan whispers.
"It's too late. We…I want you to be with me…I love you, Ryan…" Summer says.
"I'm sorry," Ryan whispers.
"Don't you love me?" Summer asks, looking into his anguished blue eyes. "Please, Ryan…"
"You know I do…"
"Then fuck Marissa, fuck all that, just be with me…"
"It's so easy to say that, but…"
"But what?"
"How are you going to walk into that school every day and be with me when all those people are going to know that Marissa is in the mental hospital because…" Ryan says in a burst of speech.
"Because she's sick, Ryan. She's in the mental hospital because she's sick. It has nothing to do with us," Summer says urgently.
"God, Summer, the only reason she's there is because Kirsten called her dad…" Ryan mutters.
"She's there because she's sick," Summer repeats. "You can't save the world, she's not your responsibility…"
"I…" Ryan starts, frustrated.
"You have to start thinking of yourself first, you have to take care of yourself, that's all that's your responsible for…" Summer says, taking his hands in hers. She feels him trembling. "Baby…"
"Don't call me that…"
"Baby, please…I thought…I thought that you loved me, you said that you…"
"I love you more than anything, Summer…"
"Then just stop fighting," She urges. She watches as his blue eyes soften and flash with emotion.
"I love you," Ryan whispers. He pulls her into a hug. She clings to him and sighs in relief.
"We'll be okay. We just have to get through this together, okay? Don't leave me…"
"I won't…"
"You promise?"
"I promise…"
*****
Seth and Anna were curled up in the massive den of Summer's vacation house watching Monty Python on DVD. Ryan and Summer had been upstairs for several hours.
"Do you think everything's okay?" Seth asks Anna.
"I'm sure Summer would have told us if it weren't," Anna says. "You want to check on them?"
"I'm scared of what I'll walk into," Seth admits. "Come with me?"
Anna accepts his hand and they walk up the stairs to the second floor. They search the vacant rooms but they don't find Summer or Ryan.
"Up one more," Seth shrugs and leads Anna to the third floor.
"This has to be the biggest house for the smallest family," Anna remarks as they emerge on the top floor.
"Do you hear something?" Seth asks. They hear a giggle.
"That sounds…promising," Anna shrugs. They follow the sound to a closed door.
"Stop…that tickles…" Ryan's voice is quiet.
"You know you like it…" Summer responds.
"I think they're okay," Anna tells Seth. Seth remains for an instant, listening with a strange look on his face.
"Seth?" Anna calls, worried.
Ryan's gentle laugh drifts from the room and Seth meets her gaze.
"Seth?" Anna calls again.
"They did it."
"What?" Anna asks, confused.
"They're going to be together," Seth says, putting an arm around her. He leads her back downstairs.
