Just so everyone knows I'm doing my best writing this parody without a script...I'm trying to remember the movie best I can...so don't hate me if some things are out of order =)

A note from Chico: I don't look very good as a crested, I'm sorry to say, so I've decided I would rather be a mongrel than a Chinese Crested. YAY.

-Chapter 2-

[Mort sits at his computer reading all he has written]

Mort: man...I just can't write today... [deletes everything]

Chico: or maybe...you're ...SCARED!

Fangirls: DARE HE SAY IT? MORT RAINEY/JOHNNY IS ...SCARED??? [gasps fill the air]

Mort: Since when can you talk?

Chico: Since I'm about to be killed. [grins and sticks out tounge]

Housekeeper: I CANT GET NO...SATISFACTION! [dances with vaccum]

Mort: Get her Chico! Go on...get HER!

Chico: [ignores Mort]

Mort: dogs are useless. [walks downstairs and retrieves mountain dew]

Manuscript: I have now made my comeback. MUHA.

Mort: [sees manuscript] crap.

Housekeeper: Mr. Rainey, I found a story in the trash and even though it clearly stated that it was by a John Shooter, I took it out and assumed it was yours.

Mort: ....thanks

[Housekeeper leaves to go clean some more. Mort takes out book containing Secret Window and compares Shooter's story to his]

Shooter's story: blah blah woman blah love blah blah all you had blah he intended to kill her blah blah knew where to bury her blah blah garden blah blah...

Mort's story: blah blah woman blah love blah blah all you had blah he intended to kill her blah blah knew where to bury her blah blah garden blah blah...

Mort: Why didn't I know this was coming? Now to summon the housekeeper. SHIT! [spills mountain dew all over table]

Housekeeper: cleaning...senses...getting..sharper...SPILL IN KITCHEN. MUST CLEAN NOW!

[housekeeper runs to clean up mess while Mort runs upstairs to smoke]

-next day-

Mort: hmm...I'm all alone in a remote cabin on a strange lake. I think I'll unplug the phone.

-later-

[Mort sitting at table eating sandwhich and drinking mountain dew]

Mort: I just want to sleep. [lies down on floor] I sleep more than any other human being I have ever heard of.

Chico: [eats Morts sandwich] amen [prances away]

Mort: Chico-o-o-o-o don't be dico-o-o-u-u-r-a-a-aged.

Chico: Morty-y-y-y fork o-o-o-o-off

Mort: I'LL KILL YOU TOO!

-authorette comments-

thanks be to kaci for introducing me to the phrase fork off. I swear I shall never use it again throughout my parody because it belongs to her.