Chapter 4 – Her Best Advice

Elizabeth Humphries was a Third-Year Slytherin, and was in trouble yet again.

"Let go of me!" she protested as two prefect girls of the Slytherin dorms frog-marched her down the hall.

"Save that for the House Mother, Humphries," one of the girls barked. "We finally caught you."

"But it wasn't me, you nose-picking - "

One of the girls knocked on Britomartis Vox's door, then opened it. "Ma'am, we caught Elizabeth Humphries casting spells."

"I was not!" the younger girl cried. "And you should know, because you cheated off of Brigid Malloy's tests last year when you can't even spell your own name!"

"You shut up, you little trouble-maker!"

"ENOUGH," Britomartis intoned, the room filling with a bright golden light and the scent of spicy incense.

All three girls became silent as they saw the woman rise from her seat and seem to fill the room, her presence reaching deep within their bodies and squeezing their diaphragms in their guts.

The light faded, but the scent of incense lingered in the air. Britomartis' figure became normal again. "What is this about. Lister?"

The dark-haired girl spoke, "She's the one who took all of our eyebrows."

Britomartis nodded, settling back down at her personal desk. "Yes, I remember. We tore up the dorms looking for them. Even a 'finite incantatum' couldn't restore them."

"Well," the prefect continued. "We did a room-by-room search this evening and found them inside Elizabeth Humphries' wardrobe."

"Miss Humphries?" the House Mother asked.

"It wasn't me!" Elizabeth Humphries struggled out of the girls' grips and fell to the floor in front of Professor Vox. "You can't prove a thing!"

"Who then?" Britomartis asked.

The golden-haired prefect rolled her eyes. "Liar. Could at least tell the truth for once."

Britomartis held up her hand then made motions of dismissal toward the prefect commanders. They shut the door behind them and Elizabeth Humphries stood in terror before the House Mother.

"Oh, relax, child," the House Mother said. "Can't stand to see a girl cower before authority." She patted the couch next to her desk. "Sit down and talk with me."

Elizabeth nervously sat down, her eyes glued to the floor, as she wrung her fingers together.

"Look at me, Elizabeth-honey."

Elizabeth peeked at her through her blue-streaked blonde hair. "Yes, House Mother?"

"I must congratulate you in stealing nearly fifty sets of eyebrows. How did you do it?"

Elizabeth quickly looked down again. She was almost certain Professor Vox's sunglasses had some sort of truth-tell spell in them. Best not to test it.

"I found a paste in the 'Most Potente Potions' book that, when applied, can remove whole sections of hair. I was ... mad at those snobby snakes." She looked up. "I mean, those arrogant twits act like the world owes them favors because they're Pure Bloods and all that garbage. I really wonder why the Sorting Hat put me in this dump with these uppity bints."

Britomartis laughed. Elizabeth was quite surprised at her House Mother's reaction.

"My dear Elizabeth, that's exactly what I thought when I joined Slytherin! I wondered why the Sorting Hat hated me, by putting me in this house with these vain girls and arrogant boys, all of them so very damn proud of their last six generations being Pure Blood, but never mentioning that seventh generation in which the Master of the manor tumbled the dairymaid in the stables - and their branch of the family was from the Muggle dairymaid!" She laughed again. "Even though I came from a so-called 'Pure Blood' family, I've never believed in such nonsense. Reminds me too much of a Muggle-world group called 'Nazis' who believed in 'pure blood' and a 'master race' - and they ended up being the most-hated group in the world. Pure Blood probably means inbreeding has been going on."

"So why are most of the Slytherin students into that stuff?" Elizabeth asked.

Britomartis pursed her lips, then sighed and adjusted her sunglasses. "Because every single one of us comes from really messed up families - families that think reputation and bloodlines and perfection are more important than childhood, love, and compassion."

Elizabeth, usually prone to scoffing at such 'mushy' sentiments, said nothing for a moment. "Then why stick us all together? To encourage the bad stuff?"

"Not intentionally. I really think this is testing us to see if we follow Master Slytherin completely or not, if we fall into darkness or can pull ourselves out. If we find someone worse than us or someone who goes to the darkness willingly, then we can see it for ourselves if that's something we want. Not all Slytherins leave twisted and bitter like Draco Malloy's father and Professor Snape - "

"Some turn out like you," Elizabeth finished.

Britomartis opened then closed her mouth. "Why do you say that?"

"None of these cold-hearted gits would say the words 'love' and 'compassion' without turning it into a dark joke. Since you were once Slytherin and you are warm, you must have turned away from darkness."

Britomartis' lips fell into a straight line. "Yes. Despite the lure of darkness - during and after attending here - I could never give in to it."

Elizabeth sighed and leaned back on the couch. "So what do I do?"

"What do you think your options are?"

"Return their eyebrows. I keep them to teach those bints a lesson in being petty. I flush the lot down the toilets - "

"Nope. Can't get Filch mad at you."

"Right. He'll feed me to Mrs. Norris."

"Bury you in the rose gardens."

"Yes, that." She sat up. "I really want to teach them a lesson."

"And answer for it when it backfires?" the House Mother asked. "They already know."

Elizabeth sighed. "Then I better return them."

"That would be best."

"And find some other way to annoy them."

The House Mother grinned. "Good girl. The trick is to not get caught." She opened her arms. "Now come here and get a hug."

Elizabeth fell into the House Mother's arms, surprised by how strong the woman hugged her and how warm she was. "Am I getting detention for this?"

"No. I think having to deal with the snobs is punishment enough."

Elizabeth smiled and hugged her again.

* * *

The events surrounding Elizabeth Humphries' treatment in relation to her eyebrow stealing and not getting detention spread like wildfire through Slytherin House.

Severus Snape slammed the door to Britomartis Vox's office open, sweeping in with his black robe billowing behind him.

"What is the meaning of this, Vox?!" he snarled.

"Meaning of which particular 'this', Professor?" she asked. "There are many 'this' - "

He pointed his finger in her face. "NOT punishing a student for such - "

Britomartis grabbed his finger and shoved it away, standing up behind her desk and in his face, their noses almost touching. "It was a friendly prank that backfired - "

"And you aren't doing anything about it?" he wheezed.

"I did everything possible about it. As House Mother I spoke with her and had her fix the mistake - the other girls have their eyebrows back."

Severus Snape was in a holy rage, his face almost beet red, his long hair plastered across his face. "How dare you - "

"If I recall correctly," Britomartis interrupted coolly. "The problem was given to me, not you, and I acted in favor of Slytherin House, without the need for humiliation or debasement of the student in trouble. They will behave themselves without us trying to break their spirits." She cupped his chin in her hand, making him stare back into the blackness of her sunglasses. "Understand me, Professor Snape?"

He jerked away, his black eyes cold and hard as they continued to gaze at her. He tried to grasp his steel control again. "I trust this particular problem will no longer occur?"

"No, it won't." She sat back down. The snake raised her head over the edge of the desk, studying Snape.

"I object to your refusal to give detention - "

"Then you set up the detention yourself. I feel there is no need for such action." She folded her hands on her desk as the snake slid up and around her shoulders. "Professor Snape, I refuse to treat our charges as garbage. We had enough of that by the hands of our peers; they have that as well - we don't need to add to it."

Snape gripped the edges of his robe and crossed his arms. "You haven't changed at all."

She smiled sadly. "I have. I just refused to be dragged down by it." She stroked Snookie-poo's head. "I'm sorry I left."

He dropped the pose, raising his hands to brush his hair out of his face and releasing the coldness from his eyes. "It was unavoidable with your parents in control."

"I missed you."

"No you didn't."

"So call me a liar, Snips."

A small smirk appeared at one corner of his mouth. "I can't believe I miss hearing you call me that, Spirals."

She smiled, which was quickly becoming infectious throughout the room. "Weren't we a pair, though? The quietest troublemakers of Hogwarts." She giggled. "Hagrid almost caught us going up to our little conversation room. Thought we were doing biological things to each other."

"The man has a dirty mind; you were only twelve." A small smile broke.

"And you were fourteen. I remember your crush on Sonia 'Take-Advantage-of- Everyone' Stellamaris."

The smile faded. "I was stupid."

"No, you were led on. I made sure to give her an eyeful of bat dung during a class - it was a complete accident. Really it was. Honest."

A chuckle gurgled in his throat. "Spirals was such an accident-prone type."

"Oh yes," she agreed in phony innocence. "I was such a klutz, people were always accidentally being swatted by my broom or getting my potions on their faces or on the end of a faulty wand."

"I missed those times."

She got up and rounded the desk next to him. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to continue them." She drew her arms around his shoulders, squeezing him.

He reached up, clutching her arm with his slender fingers, and lowered his head as he felt the familiar and warm energies of his Martis fill his body. Parts of him fought and seizured against the surge of unconditional love and compassion, but other parts devoured and clung to the offering of his only childhood friend.

'Oh, God, oh, God ... I missed you so much ... You're going to hate me for carrying on like this, but, dammit, I missed you more than anything else in my whole useless life ... '

"Oh, dear," she murmured, picking up the end of her robe and wiping the tears from his face as she did twenty years ago. "I'm afraid we're both crying this time."

The two friends sat and talked for most of the evening.

• * *