Chapter Seven: The Law Of The Jungle

Sirius unlocked the basement door five minutes after moonset, not really knowing what was awaiting him behind it. He had seen Remus after an uncountable number of transformations, but all of them long before the invention of the Wolfsbane Potion.

That was why he was quite surprised to find his friend unconscious, but otherwise completely unharmed. He looked a bit cold and there were shallow scratches on his left upper arm, but that was all.

"Remus?"

The lithe body on the floor in front of Sirius stirred ever so slightly as he called his name, but he didn't wake up. Instead, Remus started shivering as if he just now realized that he was lying naked on the rather cold basement floor.

Sirius quickly unfolded the blanket he had brought and wrapped it tightly around Remus, then lifted him up and carried him out of the basement up into his bed.

Just as he was about to enter the bedroom, Harry came out of his room and saw them. A worried frown on his face, the teenager immediately hurried over and tried to assess Remus' health while Sirius was putting him to bed.

"How is he?"
Sirius pulled the blanket up over Remus' waist, then shrugged.

"Just completely exhausted, I'd say. I don't know exactly what that potion does, but it seems to work. He hasn't hurt himself tonight, and he should be up again once he has caught up on his sleep.

Don't worry, Harry. He'll be fine."

Harry nodded, ready to leave the room and let Remus get his well-earned rest, but something had caught his eyes. Harry knew that it was impolite to stare, even if the other was not awake. Sirius looked at him, then followed his gaze. A knowing look crossed his face and he put a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Is that where...?"
Sirius nodded.

"Yes. That's where the wolf has bitten him."
Both eyed the scar that ran along Remus' shoulder, its dark red colour standing out against Remus' otherwise pale skin on which many more silvery scar lines crossed and zigzagged each other. The imprints of the wolf's individual teeth could still be seen and Harry involuntarily shuddered as he imagined what kind of pain Remus must have been in when he had received the bite. Not to mention the pain – and not only physical – that had been the result of the bite he had received. But somehow the scar seemed strange.

"It's a bit huge, isn't it? For a wolf, I mean."

Sirius nodded.

"Yes, but you have to remember that Remus was only five years old when he was bitten. The scar has just grown with him."

Harry nodded, but shuddered again. Five years. Remus had still been a child when all this had happened. A small child who had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He remembered what Remus had told him a couple of days ago, that the wolf was his constant companion ever since that day. And that without his presence, Remus would be a completely different person. Truth be told, Harry could not imagine a different Remus Lupin, and he didn't know if he wanted to.

"Come on, let's give him some rest."

Harry nodded and allowed himself to be steered out of the room by Sirius.

"How about some breakfast? I know that I'm not Remus, but I should be able to at least make some decent scrambled eggs."

The first thing Remus realized when he was slowly waking up was that he was lying on his stomach, his face buried in his pillow. He was grateful, because after his transformations his back was always especially sore, the muscles knotted and overstretched, the vertebras still aching from the change between human and canine spine so that lying on his front was the best way to remain relatively pain-free.

The next thing Remus became aware of was the sensation of somebody kneading his sore and aching muscles, attempting to lessen the pain they caused. It had been years since somebody had massaged his back after a transformation and he hadn't even known how much he had missed this treatment. Remus sighed loudly.

Behind him, he heard a low chuckle and the hands that were massaging his back stopped their ministrations for a moment.

"Morning, Remus. Or rather, good afternoon. How are you feeling?"

While he asked this, Sirius' massaging hands touched a particularly sore and aching muscle and rather than sighing, this time Remus hissed and moaned into his pillow.

"That good, yes?"

The hands left his back and the weight next to him on the mattress shifted slightly. Turning his head to the side and opening one bleary eye, Remus found himself face to face with a concerned looking Sirius.

"Do you need something against the pain? Or something to eat, or a glass of water?"

Remus closed his eye again and shook his head slightly.

"Does your back still hurt?"

The sandy brown hair nodded up and down in silent confirmation.

"Do you want me to continue?"

Another nod of the head, this one after a slight moment of hesitation.

"If it's alright with you."

"Sure. Just say if you need something else."
Sirius shifted back on the mattress again so that he could continue kneading the painful knots out of Remus' muscles and ease the pain in his back as much as he could.

For some long moments, both old friends remained silent, and only from time to time a soft hiss or moan from between the pillow-feathers indicated that Remus had not slept in again.

"Remus?"
"Hmmm?"

"How does that potion work?"

For a moment, Remus remained silent.

"The Wolfsbane?"

"Yes."

All the while, Sirius kept on massaging Remus' sore back and shoulders, not stopping even as Remus thought about an answer for that question.

"Don't ask me how it exactly works, because I don't know. You know that I've always been awful at Potions. But basically it subdues Moony enough so that I can keep control during the night."

"Moony doesn't come through at all?"

Again, Remus took his time in answering. Sirius was already used to this, Remus hardly ever said anything which he had not thought about carefully.

"It's difficult to describe, really. I can't stop the transformation, I have to give in to it. And the potion also doesn't stop the pain of the transformation. But while the transformation is somewhat blurred concerning who has the upper hand, from the moment that it's over I am in control again. I'm forced to be in wolf form, but I keep my human mind. At least until the transformation begins again. But Moony is there, stronger than he usually is during the time close to the full moon. He's not in control, but he's also there. It's as if we were both equally strong, but as if he didn't have any chance to take control."

Subconsciously, Remus rubbed his upper left arms where Moony had left his only marks the previous night.

"It's only during the transformations that Moony has the possibility to lash out, but he rarely does so."

He turned slightly so that he could see Sirius from the corner of his eye.

"Why do you ask?"

Sirius sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"It's nothing, really. Or rather...oh, I don't know. Actually, it's pretty selfish."

Remus frowned but turned his head again because his neck was starting to sting badly. Sirius put a large and warm hand onto Remus' neck and gently kneaded it until the discomfort lessened. Sirius just could not ask Remus what he so desperately wanted to. He had offered Remus Padfoot's company last night and Remus had refused. True, his reasons had been good reasons, and for Sirius Harry's security was more important than most other things as well, but he was afraid that this had not been the main reason why Remus had refused his offer. Padfoot was a painful reminder of a time Remus had long moved past, Sirius would have to accept that.

"Sirius?"
"Yes?"

"Why did you ask?"

"It's just that...well, I thought that when Harry returns to Hogwarts in September and we maybe have some more time and less responsibility around full moon...well, I wanted to run with Moony once more. Of course I'd like to run with you just as much, it's just..."

Remus nodded.

"I think I understand, Sirius. And I think Moony also wants to run with Padfoot again. And actually nothing speaks against that I don't take the potion once, when I'm not endangering anybody with it."

"It wouldn't be a problem?"

Remus shrugged.

"Not if I had somebody who took a little care that Moony didn't pay his revenge for subduing him during the previous transformations, I shouldn't think so."

Sirius knew what hearing this confession from Remus' mouth was worth. His friend was not somebody who liked to openly admit that there were situations he could not handle alone without getting hurt. But both of them knew that his transformations fell into that category, at least without the help of the Wolfsbane Potion.

"That would be wonderful, Remus. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Sirius. As I said, Padfoot isn't the only one who would love to run free again. Just like in old times."

Only now, in this somehow weird arrangement that had him sitting cross-legged next to Remus' hips, massaging his friends' back and shoulders to lessen his discomfort, did Sirius realize that this as the most personal they had spoken so far. It was probably right that it was a lot easier to manage if they weren't looking into each others eyes in the process.

Remus' next words proved him right.

"Sirius?"
"Yes?"
"Why?"

"Why what? Why I want to run with Moony again?"

The sandy head bopped up and down twice in the affirmative.

Sirius didn't really know whether he should answer that question, but eventually decided that Remus had earned being told the truth.

"Becoming Padfoot was the most important thing I've done in my life, Remus. Truly, it helps me immensely ever since I'm on the run, but that's not the point. It's so important because I've done it not for me, nor for the thrill of doing something illegal, but because I've done it for you. I have achieved something that really helped you going through your transformations at a time when you needed it. And now...now that you don't need Padfoot anymore, I'd just once more like to run with him."

Abruptly, Remus turned to his side, forgetting that his back was still sore and aching. A loud hiss escaped his lips, but at least he had managed to get into a position from where he could look at his old friend.

"Careful, Remus."

Remus ignored Sirius' concerned voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you should be careful with that back of yours, or you won't be able to sit up anytime soon."

Remus just shrugged him off.

"No, not that. Why do you think that Moony...that I...that we don't need Padfoot anymore?"

Sirius shrugged and stared down at his hands. He carefully helped Remus to turn back onto his stomach again before he answered, though.

"Padfoot was needed to keep Moony in check during the moon nights. But if that potion keeps Moony away and enables you to keep control, then you don't need me around anymore, do you?"
Remus closed his eyes and sighed into the pillow. Sometimes, Sirius and his lack of self-esteem could drive him into exhaustion.

"Sirius, you should know better than anybody else that this is not true. Moony didn't just vanish because of that potion. He's still there, and if you only for one moment believe that he hasn't realized yet that his pack-mate is back then you are sadly mistaken. And – as I said – I think he'd love to run with Padfoot again. Just he and Padfoot, without the potion, given that we can be sure it'll be somewhere safe. Sirius, Moony's there and he knows that Padfoot is there, as well. He's always there, Wolfsbane or not. He just can't hurt me when I take the potion, but that doesn't mean that Padfoot isn't needed or welcome anymore should the opportunity arise that we can run together again. The potion just makes me able to keep Moony at bay."

"I really understand that you want to keep Moony at bay."

With the index finger of one large, callused hand Sirius traced the silvery outline of one of Remus' many scars, this one running from his upper shoulder blade down his left arm. Sirius was perfectly sure that this scar had not been there when he had last seen Remus shirtless. Remus shuddered beneath his hand and immediately Sirius drew it back as if the touch had burnt him. The scars Moony inflicted on Remus were extremely sensitive to touch, and caressing them, tracing them as if to memorize their shapes and lengths was an intimate privilege Sirius no longer held. Knowing he had overstepped the boundaries of a platonic, absolutely non-sexual massage at this moment, he quickly tried to restart their conversation to get off the thin ice they were walking on momentarily.

"As I said, I'd understand it if you wanted to keep Moony at bay, but Padfoot would be more than glad to protect you from the wolf's wrath if he in turn could just once more run with his pack-mate. Especially after how it ended back then."

There, Sirius had said it. It couldn't have been avoided, and if Sirius had learned at least a little from his nightly sessions with Harry during which absolutely nothing had gotten better at first, then it was that sometimes healing required spilling out all unpleasant truths and facts. If that was what needed to be done, then Sirius was ready.

The last time Moony and Padfoot had run freely together had been months before Harry had been born, and the last time they had spent the night of full moon together, confined within the steady wards of Richard Lupin's basement, Harry had been five months old.

And already then the mutual suspicion between their human alter egos had been strong, back then tat the beginning of the Potters' ten months long flight from those who wanted them dead. Strong enough for Moony and Padfoot to be wary around each other, to circle their canine counterpart attentively, not letting the other out of the own watchful eyes for the entire night. There had been no wrestling, no howling, no small little plays or trustful sleep curled up next to each other during those nights, as their mutual mistrust had rooted too deep already back then.

It had been hard enough for Padfoot to bear in the end, in his desperate isolation of the Azkaban cell after the real traitor had seized his chance to play the two of them out against each other. The urge-driven, canine part of Sirius' personality had missed Moony greatly, especially during the full moon nights when the pale orb had filled his lonely cell with its silvery light. He had regretted the atmosphere of wariness and mistrust under which they had parted.

And Moony was not half as controlled as Sirius' alter ego. Sirius didn't even want to imagine how Moony had reacted to the death of two pack-mates by the hands of the third. The unknown vicious scars under his hands testified of the wolf's rage from that time, and Sirius had seen earlier that Remus' chest bore an even larger number of similar marks.

"Moony would love to run with Padfoot again, Sirius. He missed him terribly. That's one of the things we didn't agree on after they took you, that's why he gave me more scars than I had considered possible. That's why I in the end was glad that I could subdue him with the potion.

After they arrested you, I saw all my suspicions, my fears confirmed. I tried to believe you were guilty, not only because that was what it all looked like, but also because it would have killed me if I had thought something else.

And after those last ten months before...before it happened, I was ready to believe nearly everything if it only explained that mess. And it just all seemed to fit smoothly into the picture, a picture that showed you as a traitor and in the end a murderer.

But from the first full moon after that Halloween Moony refused to keep up what I had forced upon him during the previous months. He had become wary with Padfoot, but only because I was so extremely wary around you.

But after they arrested you, ripped you out of both of our lives, Moony flat out refused to believe it. He refused to believe that Padfoot had killed the pack."

Remus sighed deeply and Sirius felt the ever too thin body of his friend vibrate with the sound of it underneath his hands. Hands that had given up their task of massaging the moment Remus had started to speak and that by now lay flat outstretched on Remus' back, cherishing the warmth and physical contact they had so long been denied.

He felt Remus' voice shake with his next words.

"Moony has been wise enough not to believe that Padfoot had betrayed the pack. Far wiser than I was."

Sirius took some moments to answer , thought he had immediately known what the only possible reply was.

"And Padfoot had done nothing to earn that trust. Nothing. On the contrary, he and I have been stupid enough to think we knew his nature when we've misunderstood the most basic thing about him.

He is a predator, and dangerous to those who meet him defenceless. Moony is able, even urged to kill whatever human prey he can find, but not out of malice but because it's his nature. Because you can't control him.

He is all that, he does all that, but Moony would never betray his pack to death and despair. Padfoot and I were too blind to see that.

Prongs wasn't."

Sirius felt the body underneath his hands expand with a breath that was not released.

He smiled. If it was time for truths now, then he could just as well stick to the more pleasant ones for a change. Merlin knew Remus was entitled.

"What?"

Remus' voice was breaking with raw emotion.

"Prongs knew Moony better than Padfoot did, Remus. As much as it pains me to admit that. And James knew you better than I did, as it seemed."

"Why?"

"Because when I suggested the switch to Peter, the as I saw it perfect decoy for all those who wanted to hurt Jamie and his family, I told him that nobody except from Peter, him, Lily and me should be told about it. Jamie wanted to tell you, but I asked him not to. I told him that I didn't trust you, that I suspected you to be the traitor."

Remus swallowed hard.

"And...what did he say?"

At that moment, Sirius wasn't entirely sure whether he had heard those words or whether he had merely felt them as the vibration of Remus' body underneath his hands, because his friend's voice seemed to fail him completely.

"James wasn't comfortable with the whole situation."

Sirius sighed and turned his eyes towards the window, desperately willing down the tears that still threatened to fall when he thought about his long dead friend and the circumstances that had led to that death.

"I knew that he trusted me explicitly, and though he never downright asked me to do it, I also knew that he wanted me to be the Secret Keeper. It was me who immediately offered it once he had told me about Dumbledore's suggestion to perform the Fidelius Charm, and though I was quick with my offer we both knew I was serious about it.

It was just..."

Sirius swallowed hard and lifted one hand from Remus' back to scratch his head.

"...that you didn't trust me." Remus finished for him.

Sirius nodded then, upon realizing that his friend couldn't see him, replied.

"No. No, I didn't trust you. For the sake of reason, today I can't understand myself anymore, but back then I didn't trust you.

There was just too much in between us, too many open wounds, too many hurt feelings. Had I been more rational about it , I'd have seen how stupid that was, but at that time we were hardly able to speak civilly with each other, rational thought was an off-concept then.

I...I guess my biggest fear was that my suspicion would turn out to be true, that you would turn out to be the traitor. I just didn't know what I should do if things turned out like that and I suddenly found myself caught between my best friend and the man I had once loved. You knew me better than anybody else back then, you knew how to trap me if you wanted to. It was a risk I couldn't take, not if the life of Jamie, Lils and Harry was the possible price to pay for it."

"And you thought that with Peter as the Secret Keeper and you as the bait it would not hurt James if you were not able to stand up against whatever fate I delivered you to."

It was a statement, not a question, and Sirius knew he didn't need to answer it. He sighed.

"Something like that, yes. I had thought that at least Jamie, Lils and Harry would not have to become the victim of my personal issues with you and my inability to deal with them."
Remus laughed a mirthless laugh into his pillow, then turned his head to the side so that he could see Sirius from the corner of his left eye.

When ye fight with a Wolf of the Pack, ye must fight him alone and afar,

Lest others take part in the quarrel, and the Pack be diminished by war.«"

Both locked their gazes for a moment, until Sirius shook his head and smiled slightly.

"I don't think that Kipling ever intended to be quoted so cynically, Remus.

Besides, I have done exactly that and look what I has done to our pack."

Remus turned his head back into the pillow and shrugged.

"You just fought the wrong pack-member, that's all. And before you say something: you could not have known it, Sirius. None of us did. You just could not have known it. Definite truths, even about people you knew for half a lifetime were very rare goods at that time. We all make mistakes at times, and Merlin knows you've already paid more than dearly for yours."

"Yes, but it was my mistake that led into all this, and it's a mistake that needn't have happened."

Sirius thought for a moment before he continued.

For the Strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack«, that's the line, isn't it?

Maybe I should have rather kept that line in mind, then I'd have possibly realized that you could not have delivered Jamie and his family into Voldemort's hands. Moony would not have let you, they were his pack. How could he allow you to hurt them? And even if you had done it nevertheless, he'd have hurt you for it. I just didn't see that there was nothing to gain for you by changing the side you were fighting on, I just didn't see it."

Sirius felt Remus' diaphragm contract under the one hand that was still lying on Remus' back. A slight frown spread across Sirius' face at this.

"And what exactly is so funny about this?"

Remus chuckled a bit more before he answered.

"Only that we're quoting Kipling as if he had written the number one self-help-book on pack issues. I think "The Law of the Jungle" has its limitations in providing advice, especially without the gift of foresight."

This remark provoked a slight smile to grace Sirius' features.

"Point taken. But I still haven't answered your question, Remus."

"Which one?"

"What Jamie said when I told him I suspected you of being the traitor."

Immediately, Remus' body tensed under Sirius' hands, which had again taken up their task of softly attempting to knead the stiffness and lingering pain out of Remus' abused muscles.

"And?"

"James said, and I quote: 'If you really think that Remus would betray any of us to Voldemort, then you haven't earned a friendship like his, let alone his love.'

He never believed you were able to betray them, and neither did Lily."

A loud sigh escaped Remus' lips, followed immediately by an uncontrollable sob that wracked his body.

He hadn't known up to that moment just how much he had needed to hear that, to hear somebody tell him those words so that he could no longer doubt the truth behind them. Ever since the night in the Shrieking Shack Remus had asked himself whether James had died in the belief that Remus had been responsible for the treason.

And now he finally knew that he hadn't. It felt as if a huge weight had been taken from his chest and shoulders, and it felt good.

Though Sirius didn't see it, he knew exactly what kind of reaction his words had provoked. But he also knew Remus very well, and so he pretended not to notice that his friend was crying, and he pretended to ignore the sobs that he could feel wracking through Remus' body. He merely sat by his friend's side and rubbed comforting circles across his back until Remus had finally gained at least some of his trademark self-control back.

If he had known how much this simple truth mattered to Remus, he'd have already told him a lot earlier. After a couple of minutes of companionable silence, Sirius gave Remus' shoulder a final squeeze and pulled the blanket up over his back.

"Try to get some more sleep, Remus. I'll come back later and bring you something to eat."

Remus nodded and Sirius got up to leave, only to be stopped again by the other's voice before he even reached the door.

"Sirius?"
He turned around.

"Yes?"
"Thank you."

A large smile settled on Sirius' face.

"You're welcome. Now sleep."

Sirius turned and left the bedroom, but before he turned to walk down the stairs he leaned heavily against the wall for support until he had his nerves back under control and his knees had stopped to feel suspiciously weak.

Harry was down in the kitchen, writing a letter to Ron. The one for Hermione already lay finished next to him, and as soon as he was finished with Ron's he'd set Hedwig off with them. He didn't know whether Ron's owl Pig would find him here, and Hermione didn't have an owl of her own as far as Harry knew, so the best possible way for him to stay in contact with his friends was to send Hedwig to them. He looked up when he heard Sirius coming down the stairs.

"How is Remus?"

Sirius sat down on the other side of the table and forced himself to smile at his godson.

"He's asleep now. His back is still hurting, but he should be up again later in the afternoon. Exhaustion is the biggest problem at the moment."

Harry nodded, that was good to hear. Despite all the reassurances Remus and Sirius had given him he had not been able to refrain from worrying about his former teacher during the night. Sirius must have guessed what Harry thought from the look on his face, because he gave him a reassuring smile.

"There's really no need to worry, Harry. I don't know how that potion works, and I still don't like the fact that it's Snape who brews it, but it seems to work. Remus had enough control to keep the wolf from mauling him at night, and that's at least something."

"I take it it's not always been like last night?"

Sirius shook his head and leaned his head heavily onto his hands. When he spoke, his voice was low and sounded as if he wasn't talking to Harry, but to himself while he remembered something from far away.

"No, no it's not always been like that. Before there was the potion, it was alright as long as we could be with him during the moons. We could distract him, keep the wolf from lashing out too much. But before we managed to become animagi, it was praying that he'd be alright every month."

Tiredly, Sirius ran a hand over his face.

"It all depends on Remus' mood before the transformation. If he's angry, upset or troubled then the transformations are worse. Every morning after the full moon, one of us was waiting outside the Willow under James' cloak for the moon to set. Sometimes, Remus would scramble out on his own shortly after moonset, and then we'd help him to the castle. And...well, when he didn't come out, we went in and had a look that he'd make it until Madam Pomfrey came to fetch him."

Sirius' eyes were watery and unfocussed, staring at something which obviously only he could see.

"It wasn't always pretty, and once or twice it's been a close call. That potion takes away a lot of worries, at least."

"But you'd only be completely at rest if you could be with Remus during the transformations."

It wasn't a question, but nevertheless Sirius nodded without thinking about it.

"And you can't be with him because you have to watch me."

Sirius looked up, and finally he realized what Harry was driving at.

"Harry, I don't know how often I have to tell you this, but you're not to fault for anything. Remus and I both want to have you here, and we're both more concerned about your safety than about Remus' transformations. Remus is alright as he can be during the full moon. He's dealt with them for most part of his life, and before the Wolfsbane was invented he had to go through those nights alone and unprotected against the wolf's wrath. My company would just be a slight addition to it, and it's nothing that we can't make up for once you're at Hogwarts. It's only the August moon that's left, and it's perfectly alright Harry."

Slowly, Harry nodded. Sirius got up from the chair again and walked over towards the counter, pulling out all necessary ingredients for the rather late lunch they would have today. He hadn't even realized it, but he had spent nearly the entire morning with making sure that Remus was alright. There was a used plate and the rest of what looked like a sandwich on the plate on the kitchen table telling him that at least Harry had already eaten something today.

The teenager got up and wordlessly pulled out a knife and started helping Sirius with cutting the ingredients. They worked in companionable silence for some time, and not until the potatoes were boiling and the meat was roasting on the stove and Sirius had finished his desperate attempt to remember his mother's gravy recipe did Harry finally break the silence.

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"I...I didn't have the time for it yesterday, but I...well, I wanted to thank you. For everything, but especially for being there that night."

Sirius put down the pot with the still too thick gravy and looked at Harry intensely.

"Harry, you don't have to thank me for that. Really. I'm glad that there was something I could do. I just want you to remember that, alright? If you want to talk about something, if you have nightmares or if you just don't want to be alone and need a hug and somebody to stay up with you, come to me. Doesn't matter what time that is. And if for some reason I'm not there, go to Remus. We're both here for you."

Harry nodded and Sirius stretched out his hand to ruffle across his godson's hair. He pulled the teenager into a short hug and smiled when he realized that Harry still blushed at the unexpected physical contact.

"Alright, let's get some food into our stomachs, and in an hour or two we'll go have a look whether the old wolf up there is up again and wants something to eat. Sounds like a plan?"
Harry laughed shortly.

"Well, I'd say so. It has to do with getting something to eat, so I'm all for it."

"Thought you'd say that."

Remus indeed was awake when Sirius carried a tray with food into his room two hours later. He had managed to get himself into a sitting position again, a sure sign that the pain in his back had faded away to the degree of a tingling stiffness, and had already buried his nose in a rather large book again. Sirius had not seen that tome lying around earlier, otherwise he'd have confiscated it. Next moon, he'd look into the bedside table as well.

"You should still be sleeping some more, Remus."

Remus looked up from his reading and shrugged.

"I couldn't sleep anymore, and I felt bored. Really Sirius, as cute as it is, but you don't need to fret that much."

Nothing in his face indicated that Sirius had realized Remus had just unintentionally called him 'cute', but instead put the tray down on Remus' mattress and tried to look stern.

"Eat. You need some more meat on your bones, you're ever too thin."

Remus picked up his fork and shrugged again.

"You know that I just don't seem to gain weight. And the little I gain is needed as energy for the transformations. But thank you nevertheless, I'm starved."

He tasted the food, nodded appraisingly and hungrily started to devour everything that was on his plate.

"How does my kitchen look like now?"

There was obvious suspicion and accusation in Remus' voice, and if Sirius was honest with himself there had been enough incidents in the past to justify those feelings. Nevertheless, Sirius raised his eyebrows and sniffed in mock insult.

"I just want to let you know that your kitchen is still standing and without any severe damages. Nothing burned or drowned there since you last saw it. And at the moment it's in the capable hands of my godson who didn't want to be excluded from the housework anymore. I've showed him a cleaning spell and I guess he's amusing himself right now with banishing the dishes or something."

Remus smiled and put his fork down on the now empty tray which Sirius took and placed on the floor. He then settled back on the mattress facing his old friend.

"Sirius?"
"Yes?"

"May I ask what happened the penultimate night?"

Sirius sighed and tucked a lose strand of his black hair back behind his ear.

"Harry woke me in the dead of the night."

"Nightmare?"

Sirius shook his head.

"No, not really. He didn't want to sleep because he dreaded to have another one."

"It's the tournament, isn't it? Cedric's death. He blames himself."

Sirius nodded. It was what both of them had assumed even before Harry had confirmed it, and though Sirius had the intention to treat everything Harry had confided him with confidentially, he could as well confirm it when Remus made a right assumption.

"Yes, he does. And I'm still not entirely sure that I could convince him of the opposite. But we've had a long talk about it, and I just hope that at least he won't be that hesitant to ask for help anymore. But it'll take time until he's over it."

Remus nodded.

"I just wish he'd get a break for once. One year during which nobody tries to kill him would already be fine."

He turned his eyes on Sirius, a severe look in them.

"It's good that he confides in you. Though he was obviously pretty embarrassed upon waking on the sofa with you, but when I saw the two of you sleeping there it was also quite obvious that whatever it was you said and did to him has done him a world of good. I don't think I've ever seen that kid so relaxed."

Sirius smiled.

"Yeah, seems like I finally get the hang of this parenting thing."

"Merlin help us!" Remus rolled his eyes dramatically. "I don't want to imagine what this will do to Harry in the future. I already see another flying motorbike coming up and I don't know if I still have the nerves for that."

"You always liked the Triumph. You couldn't get enough of flying around with her."

Remus shook his head.

"No, I couldn't get enough of flying around with you. I didn't particularly care about whether it was the bike, a broom or a hippogriff we were riding on."

Too late Remus realized what he had just said. Ever since Sirius had arrived at his house, none of them had lost one single word about the fact that they had once been more than friends. Well, now Remus had spoken it out and could not take it back anymore. He'd have to make the best of the situation and change the subject before a conversation started for which he wasn't ready yet.

"Do you think you could help me get up? I don't want to keep lying here all day, I'm bored."

Sirius quickly nodded.

"Sure, just take my arm."

"Oh dear, this always makes me feel like an old man."

Sirius chuckled.

"Well, technically speaking you kind of are old."

"Sirius, I'm thirty-six! I'll hope that doesn't count as old already."

"It does, just ask Harry."

Remus just shook his head. Sometimes he truly believed that he'd never completely understand Sirius. Never.