Title: And then the petals fell .
Author: Mary Eve Parker ms.parker@gmx.at
Spoilers: "Lady Heater's box"
Rating: not sure yet . gimme an R for now, imagination may be a little
higher .
Disclaimer: I borrowed them for a little bit, their actions and dialogues
are mine!
Note: Thanks to Mel for the beta *toddles*
This is my first attempt on CSI FanFiction, so don't be too hard with me!
Can be found at: to Karen for her beta ;)
XxXxXxXxXxX
AND THEN THE PETALS FELL . Part 2/?
Catherine's eyes were closed and Nick was sitting next to her bed, holding her hand. He had always seen the real woman inside her, the woman behind all those walls. The walls she thought only Grissom could penetrate. But since Eddie died, none of them had gotten close to her since then.
Her hand was cold, her nails short, shorter than normal. Her skin was paler too, he noticed. Nick has always noticed things around Catherine. And Cath? She had never made fun of him favouring her at work instead she liked the way he stayed too close sometimes. The way he admired her sexy outfits, her changing hair - and of course she enjoyed him telling her how good she looked. But she did draw a line, painted some boundaries. They had the "talk", telling him that she liked their relationship the way it was, that it would never move beyond friendship. So they worked together, were friends, and deep inside he knew where her heart was. Even if she didn't want to admit it, he knew that her heart belonged to Grissom. She wasn't playing with him that had been important for her to pull a line here. She liked him and she told him that he is a good looking guy, but much too young for her - he could easily be her son. Both know that this was a lie but who cared.
It was enough for him that she cared, that she was important enough to her to deserve her honesty. She had told him that she was too old for him, that he was young enough to be her son. They both knew that this was a lie but the laughter helped them find their way back to normal.
Now she was asleep in front of him, her face looked so soft, carefree, and young. Even the soft lines around her eyes and in the corners of her mouth didn't seem to age her. She looked at peace now. When had he last seen her at peace? Cat kept up such a façade at work, never letting anyone in. She hid her problems and all the other things that bothered her as best as she could. But he had tried to talk about her personal life twice in the last few days, and she hadn't wanted to talk. Her answers had been short and snippy.
Her hair was tousled around her face, the soft strawberry blond he liked such a lot, her lips softly red, her eye lashes long without any mascara. Since Eddie died Catherine didn't care much for make up, special cloths or her health.
~*~
Grissom carried Lindsey to her room and on his way out he took all the dirty clothes from the hamper with him. He had realised that there was no way Catherine had coped with Eddie's death. He wasn't able to see why it was like this, she had broken up the relationship because he betrayed her all the time, hit her .
He let the clothes fall on the floor and went to Catherine's room, shocked at the mess he found. Dirty clothes were spilled all over. There were empty bottles next to her bed and a diary, open on the night stand. Grissom told himself that he shouldn't interfere but he already had - he cared too much for her to turn back now.
But the first thing he had to do was the laundry. He put the dirty clothes in front of the washing machine, sorted them and put the first load in. It would turn into a long night, he resigned himself to the task ahead and thoughts of Catherine.
While the machine was working he cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the living room and Catherine's small office in which a couple of boxes were stored.
Gil went to the first one and opened it. In there were photo albums, books and CDs -everything Eddie had left. There had been nobody to get his stuff, so she did. A pile of unopened letters was on her desk. He noticed the sender - all stuff that should be taken care of. Gil Grissom told himself that she was his oldest friend that he has to take care of Lindsey and all the other things for a while, to get her back to her normal self.
It was nearly midnight when things were finished and he was able to hang the first load of wet cloths onto cloth-horse. Never before he had touched Catherine's expensive underwear, of course he had imagined what she would wear under those tight pants. More than once he had seen her change, but only flashes of shirts coming off, a hint of bra straps. How he wished he could be touching these garments under different circumstances.
But this was different. Gil was allowed to touch the soft silk, the lace and of course the lovely small kiddo cotton panties with the Barbie dolls on it and the horses from Linds.
After two in the morning he finally decided to call Nick to see what was going on.
"I can't talk right now Grissom." "Hell, where are you?" "Hospital with Catherine," he said shortly. "What? Why didn't you call? I mean ." "Don't mean anything Grissom; Lindsey needed you there. She doesn't need to see you scared, Catherine wouldn't want that." Gil told himself that the young CSI was probably right with it. He sat down on the sofa and started to think.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX FLASHBACK XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"I am sure that you can help me on that," Catherine said. "Why do you want me to help you, Catherine? You know I would be no good as a.," Grissom replied in an ice tone. Catherine froze at his words. "You can even set the rules on it; I just go for the result." "What do you mean by rules," he asked her, staring into her deep-sea blue eyes. "You can decide the *where* and *how* and more or less the time." "More or less?" "It's a special time of the month, so it wouldn't make a lot of sense if we ." "I understand it. Okay, so when will *this* time be?"
Catherine sat down on the seat in front of his desk, her hands nervous on her tights. She got a new hair cut a couple of days ago, and he didn't even notice. Not that she expected it, but hoped that he might say something; their new circumstances demanded a little attention didn't they? She wasn't used to feeling like this, this nothingness inside had to stop. Gil had to help her.
"You don't have to do it; I can also ask somebody else or get myself to LA for an anonymous ." "We can do it at my place. Let's not turn this into something that it is not. No foreplay. We have objectives to achieve," he sighed, but he didn't seem nervous. It was the lack of emotion that lay heavy in Catherine's heart. But he was right, they were doing a deal here, why paint it as something else? "No kissing, no sweet talk, no pretending." Catherine couldn't show him her hurt soul; she buried it deep inside, next to the wound where Eddie had hurt her. She had known that Gil had a problem with closeness but she had hopped that things would work out between them, and that this request wouldn't start any problems. And it didn't. He was cold, a businessman. So she added, "No right of custody, and no sign of your name in the birth certificate." "Okay, if that's what you want. You get normal maternity leave and no one will know that I was involved in this, in any way." Catherine stood up and went towards the door which she had closed after she entered. Her shift was nearly over and she just wanted to go home, and cry. The look hurt, but he was helping her, helping her to get rid of this feeling deep inside her, the feeling of loneliness. Lindsey was growing up and she saw her chance, to be a good mother, in a second child.
She adored nothing in this world more than her daughter. She knew she would never love anyone as much in her life. Except this new life she was trying so hard to create. She knew that she needed to spend more time with Lindsey, needed to make her smile again. Thing were going to change.
"We have three days, starting in two days. I will be there. If you change your mind, let me know on time so I won't miss my change this month, and look for somebody else."
Of course she knew that there would be nobody else this month, and nobody else the next. And in case he wasn't helping her, she would go to a sperm bank. She had read of a good one in LA where also a couple of scientist had donated, even some Hollywood stars. She never wanted to have a baby from a star, she wanted one from Gil. Her best friend, a best friend who was pulling away from her. Was this Lady Heather's doing? Or worse, was it Sara? Grissom just nodded in response to her request, so she escaped to the locker room intent on going home. But the need to react was so strong, she couldn't stop it. And the tears came.
"Catherine," a soft Texan voice cam from behind, startling her. His rested on her shoulder, making her feel all the worse for his kindness. It was too much; she wiped away her tears and left him alone with his concerns.
Nick already saw that something was wrong. He had never been able to take his eyes off her, and off the fact that she admired Gil with all his mistakes and his incredible stubbornness. For a long time he had seen them getting closer, getting more familiar with each other, but not this time. Catherine Willows, the strong and independent mother, had been crying and Cath cried rarely without occasion.
He had never seen her cry like this, except maybe on a tough case if there were kids involved. Kids that reminded her of her daughter and the precious gift she was.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX FLASHBACK END XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Warwick was still sitting at her bed, caressing her hand. She had softly stirred in her sleep and that had woken him from his trance. The doctor had already told him more than he was allowed to, since he was not family. And it was bothering him that he hadn't a clue why she had been in hospital before and that Gil knew about it but nobody HAD wanted to tell him.
A soft know on the door made him turn around and he saw Nick Stokes standing there, looking tired beyond reason. War made his way to the door, closed it behind them and they sat down in the room outside. "Cath's alcohol problem is serious the doc told me. And then he added something, Nicky, that made me think; he said that Cath has been here before. That he remembered her that she always refused to call anyone. But the thing is that Grissom knows about it." Nick was silent, he had a clue what this was about, but he had ignored the evidence. He had heard some hushed shouting from Grissom's office a couple of weeks ago, but he had tried to ignore it, let it be. There were shouts of "you never did Gil" and "you are as cold as an ice rock". "Where is Grissom," Nick asked War, who had his face buried in his hands - sighing deeply. "He's with Lindsey. I talked to him a couple of hours ago, Linds needs him more than she does now." "Yeah . and where is Sara, do you know?" "She's in the lab, working through the evidence of the Lautrec-Case." "Sara never liked Catherine you know." "I know but Cath didn't exactly make any effort either." "Nick, you and I both know the problem between the two of them has always been Grissom. Cath has known him forever, and you know he adores Linds. But Sara, she and Grissom have a spark too - and Sara is the one who had the guts to talk about her feelings." "And you're forgetting Lady Heather, that didn't help Cath and Grissom." "I know," he remembered how Cath had started to withdraw more when she found out about Lady Heather; he remembered how it had changed the older couple's relationship.
~*~
Gil hadn't slept more than four hours but he was used to it. Silently he went to Lindsey's room to see if she was already awake, she wasn't. The little girl in her bug pyjamas was curled up into her baby blue blanket, Bubo placed on her desk. She looked so perfect. Her strawberry blond hair, which's shade was just a little lighter than her mum's, was spilled over the pillow, her moth slightly open and he could see her small white teeth and the soft red tongue. He was surprised at how much the sight of her comforted him. He went into Catherine's bedroom and opened the windows wide to let some of the sunny fresh air into the room. He had changed the sheets on her bed before he had made himself a bed on the sofa last night.
Her diary was still on her nightstand, open. He had told himself the whole night that he had no right to read it. But he cared for her even if he wasn't able to show.
"220th Entry: I lost it again. I lost our baby, our son. I know the first time it happened it was too early to tell the gender, but this time I had to know. They told me it was a little boy, that he would have been my little boy. I wasn't showing yet, but I was looking forward to it, I looked forward to tell everybody about it. The father would have been my secret, but the child was ours - mine and Gil's. I shouldn't have been on this case but I wanted it so much. Grissom needed to be persuaded that I could do it. Maybe he gave in easily to avoid another confrontation. Maybe he just wanted to get rid of me. As soon as I knew, I told him I was pregnant again, but there were no smiles, nothing. All I wanted was for him to hold me a moment. But that wasn't to be, all I got was coldness, ice. So I left him, and came home to write this, to weep. But Nicky disrupted this, coming over with the purse I'd left at work. He let me cry, he held me. He wrapped a blanked around me and held me tight in his strong arms. He held me all night as I cried, but still I kept my secrets, not wanting to come undone anymore than I already had. I felt like I was betraying this kind man by my silence, this kind man who was becoming one of my only real friends. But all I can think about is that I lost my baby, my last chance. I can't try again. My wish will never come true. I will never have a baby with Grissom. I will never be a mother to his child. Lindsey will remain my only child. I should have tried for more children while I was still with Eddie, maybe a second child would have stopped him from being such an ass. But Eddie is an ass, when I told him about my pregnancy, when he was picking Linds up, he just smiled. There were no kind words or questions about the father. He already knew."
With those words the entry ended.
XxXxXxXxXxX End Part 2
More? Mail me: ms.parker@gmx.at
XxXxXxXxXxX
AND THEN THE PETALS FELL . Part 2/?
Catherine's eyes were closed and Nick was sitting next to her bed, holding her hand. He had always seen the real woman inside her, the woman behind all those walls. The walls she thought only Grissom could penetrate. But since Eddie died, none of them had gotten close to her since then.
Her hand was cold, her nails short, shorter than normal. Her skin was paler too, he noticed. Nick has always noticed things around Catherine. And Cath? She had never made fun of him favouring her at work instead she liked the way he stayed too close sometimes. The way he admired her sexy outfits, her changing hair - and of course she enjoyed him telling her how good she looked. But she did draw a line, painted some boundaries. They had the "talk", telling him that she liked their relationship the way it was, that it would never move beyond friendship. So they worked together, were friends, and deep inside he knew where her heart was. Even if she didn't want to admit it, he knew that her heart belonged to Grissom. She wasn't playing with him that had been important for her to pull a line here. She liked him and she told him that he is a good looking guy, but much too young for her - he could easily be her son. Both know that this was a lie but who cared.
It was enough for him that she cared, that she was important enough to her to deserve her honesty. She had told him that she was too old for him, that he was young enough to be her son. They both knew that this was a lie but the laughter helped them find their way back to normal.
Now she was asleep in front of him, her face looked so soft, carefree, and young. Even the soft lines around her eyes and in the corners of her mouth didn't seem to age her. She looked at peace now. When had he last seen her at peace? Cat kept up such a façade at work, never letting anyone in. She hid her problems and all the other things that bothered her as best as she could. But he had tried to talk about her personal life twice in the last few days, and she hadn't wanted to talk. Her answers had been short and snippy.
Her hair was tousled around her face, the soft strawberry blond he liked such a lot, her lips softly red, her eye lashes long without any mascara. Since Eddie died Catherine didn't care much for make up, special cloths or her health.
~*~
Grissom carried Lindsey to her room and on his way out he took all the dirty clothes from the hamper with him. He had realised that there was no way Catherine had coped with Eddie's death. He wasn't able to see why it was like this, she had broken up the relationship because he betrayed her all the time, hit her .
He let the clothes fall on the floor and went to Catherine's room, shocked at the mess he found. Dirty clothes were spilled all over. There were empty bottles next to her bed and a diary, open on the night stand. Grissom told himself that he shouldn't interfere but he already had - he cared too much for her to turn back now.
But the first thing he had to do was the laundry. He put the dirty clothes in front of the washing machine, sorted them and put the first load in. It would turn into a long night, he resigned himself to the task ahead and thoughts of Catherine.
While the machine was working he cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the living room and Catherine's small office in which a couple of boxes were stored.
Gil went to the first one and opened it. In there were photo albums, books and CDs -everything Eddie had left. There had been nobody to get his stuff, so she did. A pile of unopened letters was on her desk. He noticed the sender - all stuff that should be taken care of. Gil Grissom told himself that she was his oldest friend that he has to take care of Lindsey and all the other things for a while, to get her back to her normal self.
It was nearly midnight when things were finished and he was able to hang the first load of wet cloths onto cloth-horse. Never before he had touched Catherine's expensive underwear, of course he had imagined what she would wear under those tight pants. More than once he had seen her change, but only flashes of shirts coming off, a hint of bra straps. How he wished he could be touching these garments under different circumstances.
But this was different. Gil was allowed to touch the soft silk, the lace and of course the lovely small kiddo cotton panties with the Barbie dolls on it and the horses from Linds.
After two in the morning he finally decided to call Nick to see what was going on.
"I can't talk right now Grissom." "Hell, where are you?" "Hospital with Catherine," he said shortly. "What? Why didn't you call? I mean ." "Don't mean anything Grissom; Lindsey needed you there. She doesn't need to see you scared, Catherine wouldn't want that." Gil told himself that the young CSI was probably right with it. He sat down on the sofa and started to think.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX FLASHBACK XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"I am sure that you can help me on that," Catherine said. "Why do you want me to help you, Catherine? You know I would be no good as a.," Grissom replied in an ice tone. Catherine froze at his words. "You can even set the rules on it; I just go for the result." "What do you mean by rules," he asked her, staring into her deep-sea blue eyes. "You can decide the *where* and *how* and more or less the time." "More or less?" "It's a special time of the month, so it wouldn't make a lot of sense if we ." "I understand it. Okay, so when will *this* time be?"
Catherine sat down on the seat in front of his desk, her hands nervous on her tights. She got a new hair cut a couple of days ago, and he didn't even notice. Not that she expected it, but hoped that he might say something; their new circumstances demanded a little attention didn't they? She wasn't used to feeling like this, this nothingness inside had to stop. Gil had to help her.
"You don't have to do it; I can also ask somebody else or get myself to LA for an anonymous ." "We can do it at my place. Let's not turn this into something that it is not. No foreplay. We have objectives to achieve," he sighed, but he didn't seem nervous. It was the lack of emotion that lay heavy in Catherine's heart. But he was right, they were doing a deal here, why paint it as something else? "No kissing, no sweet talk, no pretending." Catherine couldn't show him her hurt soul; she buried it deep inside, next to the wound where Eddie had hurt her. She had known that Gil had a problem with closeness but she had hopped that things would work out between them, and that this request wouldn't start any problems. And it didn't. He was cold, a businessman. So she added, "No right of custody, and no sign of your name in the birth certificate." "Okay, if that's what you want. You get normal maternity leave and no one will know that I was involved in this, in any way." Catherine stood up and went towards the door which she had closed after she entered. Her shift was nearly over and she just wanted to go home, and cry. The look hurt, but he was helping her, helping her to get rid of this feeling deep inside her, the feeling of loneliness. Lindsey was growing up and she saw her chance, to be a good mother, in a second child.
She adored nothing in this world more than her daughter. She knew she would never love anyone as much in her life. Except this new life she was trying so hard to create. She knew that she needed to spend more time with Lindsey, needed to make her smile again. Thing were going to change.
"We have three days, starting in two days. I will be there. If you change your mind, let me know on time so I won't miss my change this month, and look for somebody else."
Of course she knew that there would be nobody else this month, and nobody else the next. And in case he wasn't helping her, she would go to a sperm bank. She had read of a good one in LA where also a couple of scientist had donated, even some Hollywood stars. She never wanted to have a baby from a star, she wanted one from Gil. Her best friend, a best friend who was pulling away from her. Was this Lady Heather's doing? Or worse, was it Sara? Grissom just nodded in response to her request, so she escaped to the locker room intent on going home. But the need to react was so strong, she couldn't stop it. And the tears came.
"Catherine," a soft Texan voice cam from behind, startling her. His rested on her shoulder, making her feel all the worse for his kindness. It was too much; she wiped away her tears and left him alone with his concerns.
Nick already saw that something was wrong. He had never been able to take his eyes off her, and off the fact that she admired Gil with all his mistakes and his incredible stubbornness. For a long time he had seen them getting closer, getting more familiar with each other, but not this time. Catherine Willows, the strong and independent mother, had been crying and Cath cried rarely without occasion.
He had never seen her cry like this, except maybe on a tough case if there were kids involved. Kids that reminded her of her daughter and the precious gift she was.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX FLASHBACK END XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Warwick was still sitting at her bed, caressing her hand. She had softly stirred in her sleep and that had woken him from his trance. The doctor had already told him more than he was allowed to, since he was not family. And it was bothering him that he hadn't a clue why she had been in hospital before and that Gil knew about it but nobody HAD wanted to tell him.
A soft know on the door made him turn around and he saw Nick Stokes standing there, looking tired beyond reason. War made his way to the door, closed it behind them and they sat down in the room outside. "Cath's alcohol problem is serious the doc told me. And then he added something, Nicky, that made me think; he said that Cath has been here before. That he remembered her that she always refused to call anyone. But the thing is that Grissom knows about it." Nick was silent, he had a clue what this was about, but he had ignored the evidence. He had heard some hushed shouting from Grissom's office a couple of weeks ago, but he had tried to ignore it, let it be. There were shouts of "you never did Gil" and "you are as cold as an ice rock". "Where is Grissom," Nick asked War, who had his face buried in his hands - sighing deeply. "He's with Lindsey. I talked to him a couple of hours ago, Linds needs him more than she does now." "Yeah . and where is Sara, do you know?" "She's in the lab, working through the evidence of the Lautrec-Case." "Sara never liked Catherine you know." "I know but Cath didn't exactly make any effort either." "Nick, you and I both know the problem between the two of them has always been Grissom. Cath has known him forever, and you know he adores Linds. But Sara, she and Grissom have a spark too - and Sara is the one who had the guts to talk about her feelings." "And you're forgetting Lady Heather, that didn't help Cath and Grissom." "I know," he remembered how Cath had started to withdraw more when she found out about Lady Heather; he remembered how it had changed the older couple's relationship.
~*~
Gil hadn't slept more than four hours but he was used to it. Silently he went to Lindsey's room to see if she was already awake, she wasn't. The little girl in her bug pyjamas was curled up into her baby blue blanket, Bubo placed on her desk. She looked so perfect. Her strawberry blond hair, which's shade was just a little lighter than her mum's, was spilled over the pillow, her moth slightly open and he could see her small white teeth and the soft red tongue. He was surprised at how much the sight of her comforted him. He went into Catherine's bedroom and opened the windows wide to let some of the sunny fresh air into the room. He had changed the sheets on her bed before he had made himself a bed on the sofa last night.
Her diary was still on her nightstand, open. He had told himself the whole night that he had no right to read it. But he cared for her even if he wasn't able to show.
"220th Entry: I lost it again. I lost our baby, our son. I know the first time it happened it was too early to tell the gender, but this time I had to know. They told me it was a little boy, that he would have been my little boy. I wasn't showing yet, but I was looking forward to it, I looked forward to tell everybody about it. The father would have been my secret, but the child was ours - mine and Gil's. I shouldn't have been on this case but I wanted it so much. Grissom needed to be persuaded that I could do it. Maybe he gave in easily to avoid another confrontation. Maybe he just wanted to get rid of me. As soon as I knew, I told him I was pregnant again, but there were no smiles, nothing. All I wanted was for him to hold me a moment. But that wasn't to be, all I got was coldness, ice. So I left him, and came home to write this, to weep. But Nicky disrupted this, coming over with the purse I'd left at work. He let me cry, he held me. He wrapped a blanked around me and held me tight in his strong arms. He held me all night as I cried, but still I kept my secrets, not wanting to come undone anymore than I already had. I felt like I was betraying this kind man by my silence, this kind man who was becoming one of my only real friends. But all I can think about is that I lost my baby, my last chance. I can't try again. My wish will never come true. I will never have a baby with Grissom. I will never be a mother to his child. Lindsey will remain my only child. I should have tried for more children while I was still with Eddie, maybe a second child would have stopped him from being such an ass. But Eddie is an ass, when I told him about my pregnancy, when he was picking Linds up, he just smiled. There were no kind words or questions about the father. He already knew."
With those words the entry ended.
XxXxXxXxXxX End Part 2
More? Mail me: ms.parker@gmx.at
