Obligatory tripe: Not mine. Hell, if you want the OCs and the plot, you can have them too. It's not like I should be proud of them.
Oooooooohh there's sex and slash and wangst and sex and rape themes and dirty words and many many reasons why I don't let my parents read this. Kids, go away and watch some nice Cardcaptor Sakura.
This is technically a finished work—I completed it last summer—but there's a good deal of it I'm not happy with, mainly the climactic scenes, which I'll be rewriting. Wouldn't hurt if I gave it a decent title, too... So before y'all pull out the Spork of Dios on me, give me a line or two of constructive criticism as well. Not that I shouldn't know better.
Oh yeah, and "THIS IS NOT A MARY SUE!!!!" (Why DO we bother to include "not" in that famous declaration?) Well, without further ado, I hesitantly present Folly of a Bored Fangirl er, Akayumezora.
"That does it for me, then. I'm not going to believe in any damned revolution. Love is all I'm going to believe in."
Murakami Haruki
I don't think they told you about us.
But that's probably because they don't know what we are. We don't know what we are. We simply are. Maybe they call us angels, or fairies, or ghosts, or sidhe or mononoke. But when we go to their realms they can't see or hear or feel us. So maybe they don't know about us at all, much less care. They are human, after all.
We are beautiful, but the humans are more so than we could ever hope to be, for each has a shining thing that one of us can never have. It is called a soul. So we are not human because we do not have souls.
There are so many realms of the humans, they go on into infinity. Sometimes there are gods. It can't be explained. Perhaps the way to say it is: the humans with the greatest souls are gods. But it's more than that. The gods are beyond explanation.
We are mysteries and we seek out mysteries. So, because they cannot be explained, we seek out the gods in the human realms. We don't try to explain them, only to be near them. It's very dangerous. I have heard such strange stories about the seeking of the gods. But that must be why we do it. The stranger the stories, the more we want to join the search.
No relation matters to any of us but "friend." So six of us, six friends, we began the journey. Tur'raskevevry, Endrei'anna, Athanynth, Johriishang, Lyly'efandwr, and Mayumiare—that's me. There are doorways everywhere, in our realms and the human realms, but one must have the key. And one never knows where the door leads until one turns the key. That is a mystery. It is an adventure!
Endrei'anna has the key. Endrei'anna opened the door...
To a realm called Ohtori.
Mayumiare felt something strange when she saw him, and she wanted to be around him. But she knew he wasn't a god. If he wasn't a god, what was the feeling she had for him?
His name was Kiryuu Touga. He was young and tall and handsome, his hair was long crimson silk, his eyes cold sapphires, his features angular but his lips full, and...
His soul...
His soul was hard and sparkling like a diamond, but somewhere inside, there was a soft place that hid in quiet torment.
But Mayumiare was never sure if she saw that softness or not, so it was a mystery, and she wanted it.
She wanted him.
Her friends watched the duels. Oh, the duels, the fascinating thrill, the mysteries! The humans couldn't see the thousands of shimmering watchers that flocked to the secret Arena when they dueled. And her friends watched the gods, the pink-haired one and the purple-haired one, Tenjou Utena and Himemiya Anthy. Mayumiare, however, was barely half-interested in all this.
She watched him direct the Student Council and she admired him. She watched him break naive hearts and wavered between laughing at them and crying with them. She watched him day and night until she forgot her own name.
The more she watched him the more she knew that she wanted his lips against her lips and his skin against her skin and all those things that humans blushed and whispered and giggled about. That couldn't happen, of course, for she was not human to partake of human pleasures. But nor was she like the girls (and some of the boys) who got their silly hearts broken. Because she could see his soul and she wanted that too...she wanted to make it bloom like the roses that the goddess Himemiya Anthy watered, the red red roses the color of his silken tresses...
Johriishang found her one day sitting in those roses, watching Kiryuu Touga idle in the greenhouse. It was pouring outside and he was waiting for the storm to pass, for once without a toy. He had probably stood someone up. Entranced by the creamy sound of his voice, she watched him make small talk with Himemiya.
Mayumiare, having forgotten her name, didn't notice when Johriishang called her by it several times. He had to shake her before he got her attention.
"What's happened to you?" he demanded, and then saw her eyes. "Oh no, Mayumiare..."
"What?" she said dreamily.
Laughing cheerfully, Athanynth alighted beside them. "Silly Shang! She only wants him. Come on, Yumi, don't you know you can take human form anytime you like?"
That caught all of Mayumiare's attention. "Wha—how?!"
"Just will it. And will it when you want to change back. The longer you eat their food, the longer you'll be able to stay in that form. I know, it's almost too easy to be true!"
"Athanynth, I don't think—" Johriishang began.
"Oh, stop. This happens all the time!" Athanynth waved her hand dismissively. "Once the lust is satisfied, it goes away."
Johriishang opened his mouth to protest again, but Mayumiare had jumped to her feet. "Will I have a soul?" she blurted.
Athanynth was taken aback. "Of course not. I said take human form, not turn into a human. Don't you think we'd have heard stories about it if that were possible?"
"But I hadn't heard about taking human form," said Mayumiare, crestfallen.
"You just never pay attention. But we are what we are, Yumi. We can't have souls. Do the natural thing with him a few times, and you'll be fine. I mean he obviously isn't a god."
"Maybe Kiryuu Touga is a god," said Johriishang. "Maybe she sees something we don't."
"No," Mayumiare replied quietly. "He's just beautiful."
I have heard this word. It's a word for the thing that holds these human realms together. It builds hearts and breaks them. This thing, this thing is everything. This is one of the mysteries because we cannot feel it, and we cannot feel it because we do not have souls.
There are so many words for it in so many human languages, and so many different kinds. But there is one word in one language that covers all kinds, so I will use that one. The thing is "love."
So now I wonder if this is the thing that I feel for Kiryuu Touga, because he is not a god and yet I want to be around him and be with him always. Are we truly not able to feel it, or are we merely forbidden? If I have never felt love, and no one I can speak to has ever felt love, than how would I know whether or not I feel it now? Is it feeling love that gives the human the soul, or is it the soul that enables the human to feel love? I think this is what they call a chicken-and-egg dilemma.
Perhaps what I am feeling indicates some kind of grave illness and I should leave this realm before anything else happens. Perhaps I'm dying. Because we do not age like humans, we do not die naturally, but we can fall ill or be killed. Is this a virulent demon that has a hold of me? It doesn't feel like a demon.
And I'm not afraid. I just want to be near him.
Mayumiare's friends began to hate Kiryuu Touga. They hated him because he wanted to seduce the pink-haired goddess, who was now engaged to the other goddess through the strange ritual of the duels, and possess her and then ruin her. The one called Utena was the one girl who refused him, and so he wanted her more than ever. Or did he want to use her for the great enigma known only as End Of The World? The mysteries of this realm seemed to pile up on one another; when the six seekers watched on the night of the ball, they were all equally fascinated.
The others cheered when Utena, embarrassed in her dress, became Anthy's prince rather than Touga's princess. Mayumiare was silent, seriously considering taking human form after Utena spurned him, only to dance with Touga, just to dance with him once...
But more than Touga—oh, much more—they hated Saionji Kyouichi, and rightly so. He lacked respect for anyone or anything, including himself, and he abused everyone, most of all the goddess called Anthy. He prattled about the love between himself and the Rose Bride, then in the next moment slapped her to the ground. Cruel, ugly streaks swept his soul like a ceaseless north wind. He despised himself, and Mayumiare pitied him.
He also slept with Touga. After having lost to Utena twice, the young man with the waves of forest green hair was shattered. Touga found him practicing his kendo obsessively in the middle of the night, eyes unfocused, sweating like a madman. And Touga offered the kind of comfort he was best at. It was clear they had done it before, and that Touga was toying with him as he did with everyone else. And yet Mayumiare watched. She had tried to keep herself from what the humans might call voyeurism, but somehow she couldn't turn away from it this time, in the witching hours with the moon gleaming on the floor of Ohtori's dojo, their moans echoing in the emptiness. She had followed Touga there, of course, and by the time she realized what was happening she was utterly transfixed, watching Touga first calm the broken, furious Saionji, then take him in a friend's embrace which turned to a masseuse's embrace which turned to a lover's embrace. And they kissed and licked and undressed and caressed and sucked and fucked...red and green hair tangling in the moonlight...and Mayumiare only trembled.
After that, there was a burn mark in the west windowsill of the dojo that hadn't been there before. No one could determine what it was from. Hardly anyone at Ohtori smoked, and certainly not in the dojo! But it looked like someone had snubbed a cigarette there, or a cigar.
Still, Mayumiare did not hate Saionji. He was only cruel because he hated himself, like all of Touga's foolish toys ended up doing.
If Mayumiare had a rival, it was the blonde one called Nanami. She was supposedly Touga's sister, even though they didn't look a damned thing alike. The thing was, she wanted the soul and body of her oniisama all to herself. She wanted to keep oniisama in a cage for her alone.
It was Nanami who had ruined Mayumiare's idea of taking human form to dance with Touga, because Nanami had created a scene and required scolding from oniisama. Nanami often burst in on her daydreaming. Nanami seemed to want to keep Mayumiare from him even though she had no idea of the other being's presence. Well, Nanami wanted to keep everyone from him but herself. She was even more selfish than her brother.
Nanami. Yes, and if Mayumiare had to hate anyone, Mayumiare hated Nanami.
Her friends hated Nanami too, after she slapped Utena to the ground, as Nanami's minions so often did to Anthy. They hated Nanami for hating Utena. Like it was really Utena's fault that Touga had taken a swing from Saionji's blade! They could see Nanami's logic, but it was flawed logic—she hadn't even been there! That was a strange night, of coffins and flying roses and crumbling structures, and the only thing that actually happened was that Saionji tried to kill Utena. Touga flung himself between Utena and death—he must have orchestrated the whole thing for this purpose, to show Utena how chivalrous he was. The other unseen spectators covered their ears at Mayumiare's piercing shriek of dismay; it was inaudible to the humans, but perhaps the sword obeyed because it stopped just in time. The blade never touched his skin, but the force, that invisible force that swordstrokes tended to produce, especially under the magic of the Arena, nearly broke his back. The Arena's churchbells clamored like the unseen crowd and Mayumiare panicked to hear Touga cry out in pain.
Saionji Kyouichi was promptly expelled from Ohtori Academy, or at least suspended. He would probably come back. Still, his leaving was cause for celebration among the followers of the Rose Bride and her fiancée. At first the incident also lifted their opinion of the Student Council President: he had risked his life for Utena. This was indeed chivalrous. But they quickly realized that he had set up Utena, risking her life, to do just that, most likely with the intent of seducing her; then they hated him almost as much as they did Saionji. Tur'raskevevry berated Mayumiare for stopping the swordstroke, which hurt her deeply, and she didn't think she had really done that anyway. Johriishang and Athanynth in turn berated Tur'raskevevry for saying such a mean thing as Mayumiare, hurt and confused and thoroughly distraught, followed Touga to the campus hospital.
Nanami was angry and starving for vengeance. But Mayumiare wouldn't leave his side for a moment, even when the girls went to him. She could almost ignore that now. She just had to be near him...like she was protecting him. He didn't know, of course, and when she tried to touch his cheek her hand passed through. He felt her tears, however; they were hot burning specks, like cinders stirred by a log falling in the hearth. He made a short cry of startled pain, sat up in bed and put his hand to his shoulder. There was nothing there, no cinder, no mark. Only the sensation of small burns.
Mayumiare darted away. She was as surprised as he.
"Ohhh, does it hurt?" whined the girl beside him.
"Poor Touga-sama," simpered another, kneeling next to the bed. They both cuddled him.
This marked Mayumiare's first brush with jealousy. It was her tears that hurt him. And these stupid nymphomaniacs had to interrupt, assuming it was his wound—he might have somehow realized her presence!
She touched the tears on her face. They didn't feel like anything to her, though they glowed slightly. She'd never really noticed them before.
Next time, I'll turn into a human, she resolved.
Except I can't turn into a human. I can only take human form.
Sulking, she went to sit in the rose garden.
The boys here sure like to practice their kendo obsessively at midnight. Touga, however, is not in the dojo. He is just outside in plain sight. Where stupid Nanami can see him.
I laugh when Nanami demands a kiss and oniisama fumbles to explain that they are not children anymore. Which really means, in the chivalrous language of yon Student Council President, "Ewww, I'm not kissing you!"
Everybody, human or non, says he has no morals and no decency, but I don't know where they get that. He might take on anything remotely human-formed (I should qualify), but not family members. It must be so much work resisting Nanami that he doesn't have time to spurn anyone else's advances. And the only one who spurns his is that silly Tenjou Utena... He's probably never been spurned in his life. That's why he's chasing Utena so intently. He just needs to prove he can seduce the school tomboy. Stupid Utena, she is giving Touga-sama a lot of trouble.
And yet, as I watch, something injured seems to flare up in his soul. With the kendo practice one would expect the physical injury to flare up on him. But it isn't that. It's something deeper...
Some terrible hurt, full of shame and self- hatred, something he hides from everyone...
Some old wound that never healed...
Something locked away with that softness I so long to free. Or is that what keeps the softness locked away? This wound that torments silently—is this what has built the shell around his soul?
Nanami is gone now, leaving him to his kendo exercises. The hurt is invisible again, and but for the bandages one wouldn't know his back and right arm and shoulder were hurt either. But I know I saw it! And I must know what it is—as my friends seek the mysteries of the Rose Bride and Tenjou Utena's duels, so I must seek the mystery of Kiryuu Touga's soul.
I will find the key to him...
"I will find it, Touga- sama," I promise into his ear, though I know he can't hear me. But they must hear us on some level; the humans have so many more levels to their consciousness than we; they must see us with their dreamtime eyes. "I will heal it."
Tur'raskevevry was still mad at Mayumiare. He believed that she had directly interfered, an act which was by its very nature forbidden. They were to watch, not meddle: this was instinctively understood, and because he believed that Mayumiare had flouted this instinct by halting Saionji's swordstroke with her will, Tur'raskevevry was both infuriated and frightened by her.
"You can't do that, you idiot," he hissed, or words to that effect, every time he saw her. "You'll get us all negated or something. You can't interfere. If they're supposed to die you can't stop it!"
Tur'raskevevry's rant invariably threw Mayumiare into hysterics. "Shut up!" she sobbed. "I did not, I didn't do anything!" It made her hysterical because she wanted to have interfered; that would mean she had some effect on his life by saving it. And her so-called friend never failed to remind her how irrevocably wrong that was. Just like so many he could see and touch, she wanted to mean something to that crimson-haired player, but every time Tur'raskevevry opened his mouth, he had to tell her how impossible that was.
Endrei'anna watched impartially when present, but any of the other three would usually jump to Mayumiare's defense. "Will you cut it out, Vev!? Can't you see how upset you're making her? She'll get a melancholy!"
"She's making herself upset," Tur'raskevevry snapped today. Then he gasped and backed away, suddenly realizing something. "You want to interfere! That's why you won't just take a human form and play that one-track mind boy for all he's worth. Because you know it won't mean anything if you do. You're just waiting...for the right time to make your move... Waiting until something happens to Utena-sama maybe, so you can move in on the bastard, huh? Or maybe..." Tur'raskevevry blazed with fury as he articulated his next suspicion. "If you like making things happen so much, maybe you'll make something happen to Utena- sama!"
The others were shocked into silence at the very thought.
"What?" cried Mayumiare, unable to understand why her friend would harbor such terrible suspicions. "I wouldn't—I would never—why would I do that?"
"Because you're obsessed! You're selfish and jealous and insane!" Tur'raskevevry shouted. "I bet you'd kill Utena-sama if you could!"
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT UTENA!!" screamed Mayumiare, and all the birds in the tree flew away. Nearby humans felt their ears ring for no apparent reason.
The silence gaped; so did the other five. She glared at Tur'raskevevry until he left in disgust, then angrily shook her head, scattering luminous tears.
Her friends stared. Mayumiare did not care about the goddesses of Ohtori. She certainly appeared obsessed and insane, if not jealous and selfish. Would she really do anything...? they wondered. Is she really capable?
She gave them a sneer to inquire what they were looking at. So they looked at each other and departed one by one. Athanynth lingered a moment with a sympathetic glance.
"Don't let it get to you," was all she said.
Lost in perplexity and longing, Mayumiare went where she always went to calm herself after such confrontations: she went to his room and curled up on his pillow, where the hedonistic scent of his aura lulled her into serene bliss.
Touga's wound healed, and then it was back to normal—or the standard thereof for Ohtori Academy—more of girls and the occasional boy attending to him; more of Nanami being stupid (in fact she was stupid enough to duel Utena); more of the Student Council being cryptic; more of Utena being a tomboy and Anthy being diminutive.
Clearly the only way to go from here, thought Mayumiare, was to become human. With her friends having shunned her and Touga unaware of her, she was at a stalemate.
Mayumiare thought that perhaps the way to become human was to forget that she wasn't one. During the last days of Touga's convalescence she paid attention instead to the "normal" Ohtori—classes and gossip. She tried to sleep like humans did, but that didn't happen; she even tried to do a math problem but that really didn't happen. She couldn't eat food; she couldn't sleep; she couldn't study: pretending that she could was obviously not working.
She saw less and less of her friends, which was fine; they only made her nervous now anyway. But now she was lonely and confused. She had no direction. Who could help her?
Then Mayumiare remembered the enigmatic thing that the Student Council called End Of The World. They seemed to be the authority. There had been no indication that End Of The World was human. If End Of The World was such a mystery with such authority, perhaps End Of The World could tell her how to become human!
So she began to hunt high and low on the campus for this phenomenon. Of course she had no idea what she was looking for; she would just have to know when she found it.
She found a building with a strange, creepy aura to it. It was a bizarre place; it seemed to exist as various things at once in different time frames, like layers of human consciousness. The aura was of the deepest mysteries—some of them evil—and she knew she had found something, if not End Of The World. Despite the awe and fear that warned her away, she entered the building and was met by creatures both like and unlike herself.
"What do you want? What could a thing like you want here?" they hissed. She couldn't tell what they were, so she wasn't frightened by them.
"I have to talk to End Of The World," she said.
They laughed. "End Of The World! She wants to talk to End Of The World! End Of The World won't listen. End Of The World doesn't care."
"Then why are you here?" Mayumiare challenged.
"Waiting. We're waiting."
"Waiting for eternity!" one of them shouted mockingly. They giggled.
"The Power of Dios in the Castle where eternity dwells?" said Mayumiare just as acidly.
They giggled some more. They seemed quite mad. "Ooh, smart fairy, thinks she knows everything. Smart fairy wants to talk to End Of The World!"
"Why don't you talk to Mikage- sama?" one teased, and the others took up this cry. "Yeah, Mikage-sama, talk to Mikage-sama. Maybe Mikage-sama can hear you. Yeah, Mikage-sama's fucked up in the head. He can hear smart fairies."
They obviously weren't being serious, but Mayumiare took it seriously. "Then where is Mikage?"
"Find Mikage-sama, take the smart fairy to Mikage-sama!" They found this intensely amusing and cackled as a few of the small dark beings broke off from the group and beckoned.
Still laughing, the escort led her to a charmingly furnished office, where she heard two unfamiliar voices talking about Touga and immediately forgot about the strange aura and the small dark beings.
Actually... one of the voices was a bit familiar. Yes, it was a rich bass voice she had heard talking on the phone to Touga. Touga had never said his name in conversation, so she didn't know it, but the lavender-haired man had some kind of authority. His soul was dark and full of secrets, hiding something inhuman, or perhaps superhuman. He was older than the students and wasn't in uniform anyway, but his dark skin, black-lashed eyes and the red dot on his forehead were the same as Himemiya Anthy's.
The boy he was talking to was younger, high-school age, with palest pink hair and haunted mauve eyes. His uniform was different than the other students'. But there was something wrong with him, like he wasn't supposed to be in the form he was in...
"So Kiryuu is trying to be Tenjou's prince," said the boy. "What does that mean to us?"
"If she falls in love with him, she may not be able to fight him, and Kiryuu could take possession of the Rose Bride."
"Right. And we all know how easy it is to manipulate Kiryuu Touga."
"It's true, Nemuro-sensei. He's so used to manipulating people, he never realizes it when it happens to him. Tenjou could be much harder to control."
Mayumiare bristled. In what evil plan did they think to use Touga-sama?
"But does Kiryuu care about the Power of the World Revolution any more than Tenjou does? None of them know what the Power is—only that it's there for the taking."
"If he can use it, he wants it," the man replied, leaning back. "That's how Kiryuu is."
"That's how you are, too," snapped the boy. The man had said Nemuro-sensei but by the small dark beings' raving, Mayumiare knew he was their Mikage-sama. What was going on?
The man laughed. "No, I'm afraid Kiryuu and I are vastly different. For one thing, he has to use because he was used. His foster father raped him, you know, when he was younger."
"Kiryuu was raped? How do you know a thing like that?"
"Saionji Kyouichi was his childhood friend, so he was the only one who knew—until he told Anthy, who told me."
"Well, I guess that does explain a lot. But what does this mean for the Black Rose project?"
Mayumiare lost track of the conversation then.
There was the thing. The thing that happened to Touga. The thing...
What did it mean?
What was rape? Mayumiare had no idea what that was.
Well, it was something bad...
It was something bad that a human did to another human...
But who could tell her what it was?
"What's rape?" she asked Mikage. He did not appear to have heard. She shouted her question in his ear.
Contrary to the opinion of the small dark beings, Mikage did not hear smart fairies. So she left to ask them.
"Hey, she's back. Smart fairy's back! Did Mikage-sama talk to you? Did Mikage-sama tell you about End Of The World?" they mocked.
"What's rape?" she said bluntly.
She got various definitions. "That's when they knock you down and give it to you. That's what the perverts on the subway do! It happens in dark alleys in the bad part of town. It's when they don't pay the prostitute. Rape is what happens in cabbage fields. Yeah, cabbage fields! Cabbage fields with little white butterflies! White butterflies with black spots. In cabbage fields."
"No, they aren't butterflies, they're moths," one dissented scornfully, and they continued to argue this point until they lost interest.
They were indeed quite mad.
Only when Mayumiare left did she feel the terror that had permeated her. She couldn't figure out why at first—then she remembered the older man's aura. She hadn't even noticed while she was there. It was a sweet, enticing scent that wound around and then became danger, a treacherous horrid thing... She hoped she wouldn't have to see that man ever again.
Irrelevant. She had to find out something.
Well, maybe her friends would know. That she was estranged from them didn't matter now. She had to find out what this terrible thing was.
Mayumiare found Athanynth and Johriishang in their favorite place, contemplating Himemiya Anthy in the rose garden.
"Um," she said weakly.
"Yumi!" Athanynth exclaimed when she saw her. "Yumi, where have you been? Dumb question. We know where you've been. How have you been?"
"Okay." Alienated from them, she felt a bit shy. "I need to know something."
"About what?" said Johriishang.
"A bad thing that a human does to another human. What's rape?"
"Rape?" Athanynth thought and thought. "I don't know. It's something bad?"
"Yes, it's something bad."
"I've never heard of that either," Johriishang shrugged.
"Ask Lyly'efandwr. She's taken human form before," said Athanynth. "Or maybe Endrei'anna would know, but more probably Lyly."
"Oh, alright." But Mayumiare was very reluctant to search them out, for fear of finding Tur'raskevevry.
She didn't have to search for them anyway, because they came barging into the garden then. "Oooh, that jackass Kiryuu! He keeps trying to convince Utena that he's her prince. Him! The biggest man-ho ever!"
"Man-ho?" said Mayumiare. Here was another unfamiliar term concerning Touga.
Tur'raskevevry gave her a look as condescending as one of Nanami's minions. The effect was not as intimidating or upsetting as the accusations. "What are you doing in here?"
She replied with a hand gesture she had learned when watching random Ohtori students.
"Really? He says he's her prince now?" giggled Athanynth. "That's silly! She doesn't believe him, does she?"
"She's starting to," said Endrei'anna. "She kind of wants to believe it, you know."
"But he's already Yumi's prince," Lyly'efandwr teased.
They laughed, and even Mayumiare giggled shyly.
"Yeah, Yumi," Tur'raskevevry jeered. "Why don't you keep your man-ho from hitting on Utena- sama?"
"Maybe I will," she said defiantly.
Tur'raskevevry rolled his eyes.
"Well, I'm trying to find out something..." Mayumiare began.
"Aren't we all," said Endrei'anna, at the same time Tur'raskevevry jeered, "What, how many people Kiryuu slept with?"
"I don't think we can count that high," laughed Johriishang.
"It isn't a definite number," Athanynth added. "It continually increases."
"He reminds me of a story I heard," Lyly'efandwr said thoughtfully, "of some man called Casanova." But nobody else had heard this story.
Mayumiare stomped her foot. "I'm not talking about numbers or weird stories! Really, there's something I have to know!"
"From us?" said Endrei'anna.
"If you can tell me. It's a human thing. What's rape?" she blurted before they could interrupt her again.
"Dunno. Do you know?" Endrei'anna asked Lyly'efandwr, who was squinting, trying to remember.
"It's something bad... it leaves scars on the soul like very unhappy things do to humans. But... I don't know exactly what it is, I can't quite remember..." Lyly'efandwr shook her head.
It leaves scars on the soul...it leaves scars... Yes, she knew that. She had seen the scars that one time, when his soul let its guard down, for the scars were covered so well, shielded even from penetrating smart fairy eyes.
No, actually, Lyly'efandwr was wrong. A wound only leaves a scar after it heals. The wounds to his soul had never healed—they had only been hidden.
"Oh! I know who could tell you!" Lyly'efandwr broke into Mayumiare's thoughts, but it was a welcome interruption.
"Really? You know?"
"An imp! Imps know things like that. Find an imp."
"Wha—where do I find an imp?"
"They hide in funny places, like—"
"Now what is he doing!?" Tur'raskevevry cried in disgust. Touga had suddenly shown up in the rose garden and was talking to Anthy.
He was only making the usual small talk about the roses, until he started saying politically incorrect things about keeping her like a beautiful bird in a cage. Anthy continued to be her withdrawn, bashful self.
"He has to use because he was used." Seeing him, now that she almost knew... If she had a heart, it was breaking for him. "Touga-sama, my beautiful Touga-sama, with your wound that never healed. Touga- sama..." Mayumiare had no idea she was lamenting aloud.
"You're pathetic!" Tur'raskevevry shouted, but of course she didn't hear him.
"Come on, Anthy, blow him off! Utena wants you to stand up for yourself!" said Athanynth.
Utena showed up right then to defend the Rose Bride, and all the unseen ones, with the usual exception of Mayumiare, cheered.
Touga played on Utena's emotions, and her memories of her Oujisama, leaning in to almost kiss her, before challenging her to a duel.
The unseen ones, Mayumiare now included, all screamed like a bunch of gossipping students. Their yelling filtered down to phrases like, "I can't believe—" "He's so MEAN!" "Unfair tactics! That has to be illegal!" "That bastard, he's such a damn WHORE!" Mayumiare, however, had no words; she was only screaming because she hadn't guessed at his ulterior motive. Such a cunning and cruel strategy!
Once Touga had left Utena stunned in dismay, Tur'raskevevry turned his attack to Mayumiare. He wore an expression of utter disgust. "How can you think something like him is beautiful?! He doesn't deserve to be human any more than you do!"
Mayumiare made a wordless cry of hurt feelings. Then she became angry. There was no reason for him to speak to her so. "You shut up. You shut the hell up! I've had enough of you judging me, baka!" She kicked at him and the force of her anger threw him backward past the despairing Utena. Endrei'anna glared at her and went to help him.
"Yumi," said Athanynth in surprise. Their friend had never used to be so belligerent.
"You mustn't spend so much attention on Kiryuu," Lyly'efandwr said calmly. "It's driving you mad, clouding your vision. You'll fall ill, or be consumed by a demon."
"Well that's what we came here for, isn't it?" Mayumiare shouted, her eyes full of tears. "All the mysteries, all the adventure we can't be part of, it's dangerous seeking the gods, right? It's dangerous, and I'm your casualty!"
"Don't say that, Yumi, you'll be fine," Athanynth protested. "It'll pass and—"
Johriishang hushed her. "She's chosen her path."
"You're gonna die," snarled Tur'raskevevry, up again. "You will be consumed by a demon, and it'll serve you right."
"What in him could intrigue you so?" Endrei'anna looked at her scornfully. "Sure he's pretty. But he's so far from a god, there's no depth to him at all. He's a shadow."
"You're wrong!" Mayumiare shouted. "You don't understand, none of you understand! He's—he's—" She couldn't explain it to them. Sobbing, she quickly vacated the premises.
She wanted to go somewhere she wouldn't find anyone, not "friend," not human, not animal, no one—somewhere completely and utterly quiet where she could gather herself.
The closest place was the piano room. The blue-haired pianist boy had already left to do homework, and no one was there now.
When I get to be human, and if I come into the piano room to cry, maybe the sound of my sobs will echo like Touga-sama's voice does in here.
Yes, it's not if I get to be human, it's when. It's just a matter of finding out how. I have that to find out, and I have the definition of a strange human word to find out. But right now...
I just...
Well, I think they are meaner to me than Touga ever was to Utena. They act like his every action is my fault. Would he even be looking at Utena if I had any say in the matter!? It isn't even his idea to fight her, it's from End Of The World! Whoever that is!
But they don't matter. The only thing that can matter to me is Touga-sama, graceful, cruel, cold, proud, beautiful Kiryuu Touga.
At some point when I stop crying, I sense another aura in here—it's the pianist boy's aura, the blue-haired youngest member of the Student Council, Kaoru Miki. He isn't here now, for the piano is silent, but he spends so much time here, the room is redolent of him. Why did I not go to Touga-sama's room? I suppose I didn't want to deal with its headiness right then. Unlike Miki, I haven't spent much time in here, but only now do I notice how strange the piano room is to me.
Actually, I can smell a bit of Touga's aura in here too, though when he comes in here he never plays the piano. When can I be one of the girls who leaves this room fixing hair and skirt? One of the girls...
But they're right, I could be one of those girls any time I wanted. I could be another statistic (there's a word I learned in a class), a number counted among the uncountable, just another one of the girls and boys who can make the unremarkable and yet so enviable claim of "I fucked the Student Council President!"
Well they don't see his soul, now do they? They don't know the thing that I have seen and soon will understand. So...
But their hands don't pass through when they touch him.
Someday, someday mine won't either.
She got up, finally, when the moon was rising. The moon had looked like that when she saw Touga and Saionji... Well, Saionji was gone, and she had priorities. "Where am I supposed to find an imp?" she wondered aloud.
Weren't imps related to demons? It sounded dangerous to go looking for an imp. Maybe she could get Johriishang to go with her. But the idea that she might have to ask her friends for help made her more frustrated. Besides, according to them, her very way of existence these days was dangerous.
"A little more danger won't hurt me," she resolved, aloud again to reassure herself. "They think I can't handle anything, well they're wrong!"
Lyly'efandwr had said that imps hid in strange places. Like... like maybe that odd building where she had heard those people talking about Touga in the first place? Or perhaps the dueling Arena? Strange by what standards, human or otherwise? Would an imp be as difficult to find as End Of The World? Where could she even start?
"Damn if I'm not sick of looking all over this campus for weird shit," Mayumiare complained. "If I can talk to an imp, it ought to be able to hear me." This reasoning then led her to hover above the piano in the moonlight and shout with sarcastic melodrama, "Show yourselves, imps of Ohtori! For I need to know something about my prince."
She made a startled noise and backed away when, several moments later, she noticed something hovering beside her. She backed into another shape—she was surrounded by them. They were beings a bit like herself but more like dark bits of flame.
"Quit freakin' out," said one of them. "You called us."
There weren't as many of them as she'd first thought, and they looked mischievous rather than menacing. But she was still confused. "What—"
"Dude, is this a prank call or something? Cuz you do know who you called, right?"
Suddenly Mayumiare realized. "Oh, are you imps?"
"Duhhhhh!" "Yo, what you smoking? I want some."
Mayumiare felt self-satisfied relief. "Well, that was easy!"
"Didn't you want to know something? Cuz if we came over here for nothing—"
"Yes, I do want to know something!"
"Well make it quick. Imps are busy creatures." "Dude, no we aren't." "Shut up."
"I need to know what this human word means. What's rape?"
"We can show you!" The imps laughed conspiratorially.
Mayumiare bit down on her nervousness. She already knew it was something bad, so she would rather avoid a demonstration. But it was a human thing, wasn't it? They must be bluffing. "Oh, but you must be too busy for all that trouble, so why don't you just tell me."
"Hmm, it's kind of hard to explain. I think we'll have to show you." They pressed closer in to her.
She pushed them all away with a furious gesture. "Tell me!"
They laughed again, this time tauntingly, a She fell for it! laugh. "Get a grip, lady. We're imps. We make mischief." "Duh, we couldn't actually overtake you." "Bet we could. She's pretty innocent." "But it is hard to explain." "She's not old enough to understand." They chuckled as though this last nonsensical remark was comical.
"Please just tell me," she sighed. "It's very important."
"Do you want a detailed explanation?" For some reason the imp's tone was suggestive.
"Yes. Tell me everything you know."
They giggled. "Well, you know when humans get together?" "When they get together in bed." "When they do the hippity-dippity." "Dude, why don't you just say they fuck?"
"Yeah," said Mayumiare warily. How would she not know what that was? It was like all Touga-sama ever did. It was everything humans blushed and whispered and giggled about. It was...what did they say? The "human condition."
The imps were whispering now too, as if relating some such particularly racy encounter. "What if one of the humans doesn't want to, but the other forces it on that person?" "It hurts. It's painful. That big long thing driving into one again and again..." "And one doesn't want it, it's the most terrible thing in the world, but one can't get away." "And after it's done, that's not the end. There's shame, anger, despair, but mostly shame. Wounds that will never fully heal." "One's sense of self-worth is gone. One hates oneself. One is filled with self-revulsion. One wishes one were dead. One's life is changed forever...for the worse."
They grinned at her expression of utter horror. "That's rape. It's probably the worst thing a human can do to another human." "Most humans wouldn't agree on that." "Dude, only if they haven't been raped."
"Touga-sama..." Mayumiare faltered.
"Touga? Touga won the duel today." "Dude, that was so cool..."
She no longer heard them.
Some...person...had done this terrible thing...to Touga-sama?
Touga-sama ravaged against his will?
Touga-sama hating himself?
Touga-sama wishing he were dead?
It all came clear now, clear as morning dew on the roses... the depths of Touga's soul, the terrible unhealed wounds, the secret he had to hide from everyone, the secret he hid so well behind chivalry and cruelty and sensuality and relentless elegance.
"Touga-sama!" Luminous tears spattered on the piano. She felt a lancing, searing pain; she felt as though she were crumbling to bits.
The imps stared. Mayumiare's form was shot through with brightness.
"Touga-sama— I love you! Touga-sama!" She saw him and she loved him. This was all she knew. And this was what they called love, this burning brightness of pure longing, longing for self-sacrifice, longing for his happiness, longing just for his presence. Something miraculous and indescribable that she couldn't contain. She couldn't contain it and she was bursting, falling apart, crumbling...
Becoming...
Falling, growing and falling, piercing agony of spontaneous formation, metamorphosis, sudden victim of gravity and air pressure.
Breath.
Heartbeat.
Unable to stand by piano, falling again, unused to sense of balance, crawling toward doorway...too soon to fight gravity. Collapse.
Sleep... I am falling asleep?
So Touga had won the duel. Now Touga was in possession of the Rose Bride. Touga had Anthy to do his every bidding. Well, he wouldn't think about that...
Miki had been trying not to think about it for six hours, and still it was keeping him awake. A good piano session should clear his mind. Besides, Touga had decency...sometimes.
Maybe he should challenge Touga. No, that would be useless; he couldn't defeat the Student Council President. And Anthy was better off with Utena; Utena was kind to her, and didn't believe that Anthy should be possessed as the Rose Bride. Utena would win again soon and protect Anthy. But what if...
Miki almost walked right on past the unconscious naked girl on the floor.
—Unconscious naked girl on the floor!?
Immediately he knelt beside her, unsure whether or not he should touch her, his hand hovering hesitantly. "Hey! Hey, are you okay? Miss!"
The girl made a curious sound and shivered. She must be freezing on the cold floor like that!
"Miss, are you okay? Can you move?" Miki glanced around for her clothes, but they were nowhere to be seen. What could have happened to her?
"T- Touga-sama..." she murmured, blinking, and shivered again.
Miki gasped in dismay. Would the Student Council President have done something like this? Everyone knew what a player he was, but surely he wouldn't use someone against her will and leave her this way! Or would he? If he played on Utena's emotions to win a duel, did he really have any morals? "Did Touga do this to you?" Miki asked, trying to keep his voice calm, free of anger.
The girl sighed and looked at her hand on the floor in front of her face. "Yes...that's right. It was Touga-sama."
So Touga had done this, he had really stooped this low. There went any hope for Touga's decency! Miki hid his indignant rage, his mind racing angrily. He wouldn't think about what this meant for the Rose Bride—NO! Not Himemiya! No!—God no, he couldn't stand to think about that—Utena, you fool! Why did you have to lose to him!—Well, he disapproved of how Saionji had treated her, so perhaps he would treat the Rose Bride with appropriate chivalry. He could only hope. And he could not worry about that now. This girl needed help, and his righteous anger would do her no good.
Still shivering, she was flexing her fingers and watching them as an infant does. Her stomach rumbled audibly. Poor thing—the trauma of her situation hadn't even hit her yet.
"Let's get you out of here, alright?" Miki took off his uniform jacket and wrapped her in it, then stood her up. She was taller than him, very slender, her short aquamarine hair dishevelled; there was something odd about her features that he couldn't identify, but he wasn't going to stare at her. "Where's your dorm?"
She was watching her feet move as they walked, placing one before the other as if it took intense concentration. "Dorm?...I don't have a dorm."
"Are you a student here?" He hoped she wasn't a teacher's daughter or something. The faculty had enough problems with the Student Council.
"I don't know."
She must have blocked her memory, thought Miki. A reasonable reaction. That goddamn Kiryuu!... "What's your name?"
She clearly had to think about that one. "Yumi. I'm...Yumi."
Maybe she didn't want to give her surname. Well, he should probably take her to the hospital. But the poor thing was cold and hungry. He didn't want to probe her with questions; she probably had no answers now. She could stay overnight, and he'd take her in tomorrow. Kozue's clothes wouldn't fit her, though; maybe Juri could lend her something.
"I'm Kaoru Miki," he said, thinking he shouldn't tell her that he was in the Student Council, if she hadn't noticed from his uniform. "You can stay in our room tonight and we'll take care of things tomorrow. Is that okay?"
"Okay." Yumi was pretty out of it. She didn't seem upset in the least. Maybe she had no idea what had happened. Maybe they should keep it that way.
Kozue rubbed her eyes and stared at her shirtless brother. Was this a good dream?
No, it wasn't; there was a girl next to him, naked but for his shirt. "Who's that?" Kozue demanded icily.
"I found her in the piano room. She's been through something bad, I think. Kozue, is there still water in the bath?"
"Yeah." Kozue didn't move.
"Can you get her in? She's really cold."
Kozue sighed and got up. "Fine."
"Yumi, this is my sister Kozue," Miki told the tall, funny-looking girl. "Follow her, okay? I'll put on some tea and toast."
"Yes." She had a strange way of walking.
Kozue twisted her lip in envy of the concern her brother showed the strange girl. She grabbed Yumi's hand and led her to the bathroom like it was an onerous chore.
Miki looked away and started the tea, wishing his sister wouldn't wear such skimpy nightclothes when they slept in the same room.
In the bathroom, Kozue yanked her brother's shirt from Yumi, brushed it off as though it had been dropped in the dirt, and hung it up carefully. Then she uncovered the bath. They may as well let the girl just get in, since they were going to put new water in tomorrow anyway. "Well, here it is."
"Thank you, Kozue-san." Yumi had observed the politics of politeness between students. The way they talked subconsciously came back to her.
Yumi's politeness surprised Kozue, who was making an effort to be rude. "You're pretty calm for someone who's 'been through something bad.'"
"What was bad?" Yumi stepped into the bath with caution, but still almost fell because she couldn't tell how deep it was. It was a traditional bath, very deep.
Kozue stifled a giggle. "You tell me. It happened to you, didn't it?"
"I'm...not sure what happened." She was fascinated by the motion of the water swirling back into place around her new body. The steaming water was very pleasant, and Yumi immersed herself. A moment later she splashed up unable to breathe.
Kozue jumped when she saw what was happening. "Are you trying to drown yourself!?" She wondered if she should let the girl drown, then thought that Miki would not be happy with her if she did. So she wrapped her arms around the girl's ribcage and heaved a few times.
Yumi spat out the water in her lungs, choking and sputtering until she regained her breath. "You fool," said Kozue.
Miki banged on the door. "What's the matter? Are you okay?"
"Oh, she's trying to drown herself," Kozue replied nonchalantly. "But I saved her. She's fine now."
Miki frowned. Was Yumi remembering, and despairing such that she wanted to die? He wished they could get Touga expelled, but there was no hope of that for the Student Council President. "Stay with her, Kozue."
"Okay, oniichan."
Sniffling from the tears that her choking had caused, Yumi turned nervously. She didn't like that word; there was something wrong with it, something simpering and annoying, insincere and hateful. No, actually, it wasn't the same word, but it was almost the same as... She would remember soon enough. But she had so many questions. Like, "Why can't I breathe in the water?"
Kozue stared. This girl was even stranger than she first seemed. "What? Are you serious?"
"Yes. Can't you breathe in the water, Kozue-san?"
"Of course not, no one can breathe underwater except fish. You make no sense. Where the hell are you from? What's the big deal with you showing up naked in front of my brother, eh?" Kozue leaned in, looking Yumi in the face. Yumi's eyes were vivid amber, her skin was pale like it had never seen sunlight, and her wet hair was the deep aqua color of one of those funny-looking computers. The perfect color for a funny-looking girl, Kozue thought critically.
"I was there first. I don't know how I got there." Yumi was unfazed by Kozue's malicious interrogation. She sat hugging her knees in the pleasantly hot water that came up to her neck.
Suddenly Kozue realized what made the girl so funny-looking. It was her ears: they were slightly elongated and slightly pointed, like that guy in that old foreign sci-fi show. Like the girl was kin to elves. "Where are you from?"
"I don't know."
"Do you even go to this school? I know I've never seen you before."
"Um...I just got here."
"What's your name?"
"It's Yumi."
"Yumi what?"
"Just Yumi. I don't have any more name." Where is Touga-sama? I want to be with Touga. But something kept her from saying that aloud.
"You're too weird." Too weird for my brother. You can't have him. But since Yumi was so weird, it was probably harmless to probe a bit. The girl wouldn't tell lies; she was definitely too innocent, or stupid. "Are you in love with my brother?"
Yumi looked up from watching her toes wiggle under the water. "No, I'm not in love with Miki. I love someone else."
A little smile crossed Kozue's face. She did enjoy playing match maker with other people. Probably because it meant less people to go after her brother. Yumi had probably come here in pursuit of her beloved; a lot of people did that. "Wanna tell me who?"
Yumi looked down again, blushing.
"Come on, I'll keep it a secret."
The girl was very shy about it. "Kiryuu Touga," she said, almost a whisper.
Before she could stop herself, Kozue burst out laughing. "You and the entire campus! If you want him all to yourself, you've got your work cut out for you."
Yumi didn't say anything, but looked sad.
"Of course, if you just want in his pants," Kozue went on, "that's practically easier done than said."
Yumi's blush deepened. "You do not know what I want," she said in the same shy, quiet voice.
Kozue blinked, and then snapped, "Quit talking like that. You sound like that stupid Himemiya."
"Sorry." Yumi sank lower and tilted her head so that only her face was above the water. "I have no friends. I have nowhere to go."
Selfish Kozue felt something rare: she began to feel sorry for the weird girl in the bathtub. Here was a lost, confused, funny-looking girl with a thing for the worst man-ho on campus (with the possible exception of the Trustee Chairman, who was engaged and was still a player). Things couldn't get much worse for a person, could they? Poor little weird girl. Kozue might even forgive her for letting Miki find her naked. The girl tried to breathe water, for God's sake.
Miki knocked on the door. "Juri lent some clothes. Can you take them, Kozue?" Kozue cracked open the door to take them, making sure her scantily covered breasts were in full view. But Miki was discreetly facing the other direction. "The toast's almost done," he said.
"Here, dry off and get dressed," Kozue said, nicely now that she was sure that Yumi was no threat. Maybe she could have a minion like Nanami's, that would be funny. Except they only took that job because they all loved Nanami's oniisama and Nanami was clueless; it wouldn't work the same way because for one thing she was smarter than Nanami. She put a towel down on top of the clothes and left the bathroom.
"Thank you." The water was nice; Yumi didn't want to get up. But Miki had made food. She really wanted to try food. Her stomach rumbled again to punctuate this ambition. She giggled at the sounds a human body made.
A towel. One dries oneself with a towel. She knew that; it wasn't like she had never watched Touga in the bath.
How had she managed that? What had she been before, seeing all these things without being part of them? She had been something else, something floaty and flighty. Before Ohtori, there had been a place full of laughter and crystalline lights. It was like...what did they call it?...a dream. But one devoid of meaning: nothing before Ohtori meant anything to her.
As she was rubbing her hair dry, she saw another person—no, that was the mirror. She'd never had a reflection before, so she gazed at herself a while. As far as she could tell, she had all the proper parts of a human girl. She saw herself with big golden eyes, rather pointy features including ears, tall and slender enough to be described as lanky, gangly, even awkward, and aqua hair that fell in messy layers to about chin level. Am I pretty? she wondered. She stretched and looked at her body's profile; there was not much in the way of curves. Maybe she would get more. How old was she supposed to be?
Well, time to get dressed. Miki had said these were Arisugawa Juri's clothes. Juri had been blessed with a much curvier figure than Yumi; the bra was therefore useless. She picked up Juri's shirt. It was the normal girls' uniform; it must be Juri's old one. She had seen girls (and boys, but that wouldn't help) get dressed enough times after encounters with Touga, so this should be easy.
It took her about five minutes, during which Kozue banged on the door to see if she was still alive, until she was sure it looked right. When she finally emerged Kozue said, "What did you put the uniform on for? Aren't you going to sleep?"
"Oh. Sorry." Yumi started to go back in to change. There had been another outfit; those must be pajamas, she realized.
"It doesn't matter. Please, sit down and eat." They led her to the dining room and Miki handed her a cup of green tea. "It's very hot," he warned her.
"Thank you very much, Kaoru- sempai." It smelled wonderful, earthy, so different than things she had been able to smell...before? She inhaled the scent deeply. And there was toast spread with butter and jam. That smelled new and wonderful too. What did the people say before they ate? "Itadakimasu." My first bite of food! she thought jubilantly as she started on it. It was absolutely fantastic. After the first slice, she copied Kozue's example and blew on her tea before sipping it carefully. It was rather bitter, but so interesting, she enjoyed that as well. She was so happy to be human, she could almost forget that she had a purpose!
Kozue was right, Miki realized. The girl's ears were kind of pointy. What did that mean? Probably nothing. The weirdest thing was that she seemed to be having the time of her life. Maybe she dealt with despair by pretending she was happy. He went to set up the futon; he would sleep in the other room tonight. After what had happened to her, Yumi probably did not want to sleep in the same room with a boy. But I probably won't sleep at all. Not with what I know.
Kozue had been hard- pressed to contain a laughing fit when Miki told her what he thought had happened to Yumi. As if Touga ever had to rape a person. Well, it wasn't funny, really—it wasn't a completely impossible situation. But Kozue had her doubts.
Anyway, rape victim or not, there was no way the weird girl was sleeping in her brother's bed. If Miki felt he had to leave the room tonight, he wouldn't be swayed, but she could turn this to her deranged advantage. "Poor thing, you don't want to sleep in a boy's bed. Take mine." Now she could sleep in Miki's bed and pretend he was there with her, like and not like they used to do when they were so young. Yumi was wonderfully clueless and compliant.
But before they said oyasumi, Kozue had to know one thing. "Yumi-san, were you with Touga?"
"No."
"Not at all?"
Yumi knew what Kozue meant, and someday she would be able to give a different answer. "No. He was never there."
Kozue paused, trying to make sense of things. Was she raped by someone else? "Were you with anyone at all?"
"No, I was alone until your brother found me."
So Yumi hadn't been raped at all, nor engaged in anything consensual. Her voice was too innocent to be telling lies. "Then why the hell were you lying naked on the floor of the piano room?"
"I fell asleep."
"How did you fall asleep alone naked on the floor!?"
"There was nobody in the room, and I had no clothes, and I was tired."
The weird girl was getting very exasperating. "Okay. How did you get to be in the piano room with no clothes?" Actually, that was a dumb question; it happened to Kozue all the time. Of course she usually had clothes to start with, but Yumi apparently hadn't, and that was the strange thing. If there had been a streaking, people would have heard about it, so what was the deal?
Yumi tried to think how to explain it. She didn't really know what happened herself. One minute she was something else, and the next she was human. That made no sense. So she answered honestly: "It wouldn't make sense if I told you."
Kozue sighed. "Well obviously. Hardly anything you say makes sense."
"Sorry."
"Whatever. Let's go to sleep. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Kozue-san."
Kozue's bed was soft and smelled of flowery perfume. The moonlight was gentle. Yumi soon fell asleep again, now warm and happy and full of hope.
Touga, younger, running frantically in a cabbage field. Some terrible dark figure chasing him.
Were they butterflies or moths? Butterflies or moths?
"That's what happens in cabbage fields!" cackled the small dark beings. "Perverts on the subway! Dark alleys! Prostitutes! Cabbage fields!"
A deep, powerful voice. "He has to use because he was used."
Taunting voices. "It's painful. But you can't get away. Shame, anger, despair. One hates oneself. One hates oneself."
She tried to go to him but she was trapped. All the beings were jeering at her, and her friends, they were jeering too. "He's a shadow. He doesn't deserve to be human any more than you do! The biggest man-ho ever! Casanova. Such a damn WHORE! You're pathetic! You're obsessed! You're selfish and jealous and insane! You want to interfere! You can't do that!"
"Oniisama! Oniisama!" Nanami's whining voice joined them. "I won't let someone like you have my brother!"
If she could only reach him it would all be okay. But she couldn't move. She couldn't defend herself, she couldn't get away. Her voice refused to form his name.
"I think we'll have to show you," grinned the imps.
Yumi screamed herself awake.
This startled Kozue out of sleep as well. "Whoa, what the hell! What!? Oh, did you have a nightmare?"
"What, what's going on?" Yumi was shaking. "Where are they? They were—all attacking me—"
"It was just a dream, dummy," Kozue mumbled against her pillow. "It wasn't real. Were you born yesterday or what?"
"Well, sort of."
"Whaaaat... Go back to sleep."
"It was scary."
If she makes oniichan come in to comfort her, I'll throw her out the window, Kozue thought drowsily. "Think of something happy."
Yumi began to think of Touga, but that reminded her of the nightmare, so she thought of tea. The warm earthy smell of green tea. She hoped that Kozue wasn't mad at her, but the other girl was already breathing deeply.
Okay, it wasn't real at all. I had my first dream, didn't I? While I slept! That means I'm human. With this happy thought, Yumi easily fell back into slumber.
She seemed fine; giving her over to the hospital would probably do more harm than good, Miki had decided. But no one knew who she was, so he had taken the strange girl (who appeared to admire everything on the way, from buildings to butterflies) to the administration this morning. That was a waste of time; they knew even less than he did. But Yumi insisted that she had nowhere to go and wanted to stay at Ohtori—that was odd, considering what had befallen her here. Miki made no mention of that to the administration, who were already being no help, and had her enrolled. As an all- powerful Student Council member, he could do that, and not even worry about the tuition fees: the Student Council had an absolutely ridiculous budget.
For convenience he'd given her a fake surname—Maigo, lost child. Because they still had no clues as to who she really was or how she came to Ohtori. She had no answers about her past, so Miki gave up on the interrogations for the time being. On a different note, Juri's old uniform was actually a pretty bad fit, so he asked Kozue to take her shopping after classes. The store that carried the school uniforms was downtown.
Kozue had offered to take her around the school because she needed a female companion to help her out. (In actuality Kozue just didn't want Yumi too far under her brother's wing, but Miki seldom guessed at his sister's ulterior motives.) Miki agreed that it was probably healthy for her not to be left brooding alone all day. Now Miki thought the girl looked high school age, but since they had no idea what previous education she'd had, maybe it was better that she started out in the middle school. So, trusting in Kozue's heretofore unknown compassionate side, he left Yumi in the care of his sister.
Now, in the dining hall, he saw Yumi thoroughly enjoying herself at the buffet. Kozue had saved a chair at a table within sight. Looked like things were going well for her. Maybe she would never remember what had happened. But he knew, and he had to figure out whether or not to bring it up at the Student Council meeting today.
Kozue had just finished telling her friends all about the weird chick. The first to offer an explanation was Chiharu.
"It's completely obvious, Kozue- chan! Practically all the signs are there—"
"Signs of what, schizophrenia?" said sullen Motoko.
"Nooo!" Chiharu slapped her forehead. "Duh, she was abducted by aliens!"
The rest of the lunch table cracked up. "All you ever talk about is aliens, I think you must be the only abductee around here!" laughed Rini.
Chiharu shrugged. "Could be."
Yumi put her heavily laden tray down then. "Hello!" she said with a genuine grin. Once out in public, she had proved to have an outgoing, cheerful, rather childlike personality. Except when she had seen Touga walk by, Kozue had noticed a complete switch; she at once became a lovesick moon-eyed thing like Juliet on the balcony. It was pretty intense, intense enough to stir pity. If Kozue had any doubt that Yumi loved Touga and not Miki, that was wiped out. So Kozue kept her word to not tell anyone, and instead stuck to the story that Miki had told her. He hadn't asked her to keep it a secret.
"There you are." Kozue introduced her friends. Then she told them that she was taking Yumi shopping this afternoon, and they happily discussed what fashions might suit her. Yumi didn't notice the subtle stares she was getting, so nobody brought up the funny-looking ears.
By the time Kozue and Yumi left to go shopping, news of the naked girl Miki found in the piano room had spread through the student body like a brush fire.
"I still don't get it," sighed Juri. "How did you manage to beat Tenjou Utena?"
Touga laughed gallantly. "Easy. She didn't want to fight her prince."
"Frankly, I didn't think you would convince her."
"People always believe what they want to."
"Not always."
Miki was still quiet, still staring at him with something between scorn and wariness, as he had been since the meeting began. "You're awfully quiet, Mickey. Why are you looking at me like that?" Touga had a good idea that it was because he had Anthy now, but he loved to tease the younger boy about his little crush.
Miki didn't answer.
"He found a naked unconscious girl in the music room last night," Juri supplied, with that cynical not-like-I-give-a-damn way she had of delivering crucial information. "He thinks you raped her." She opened her eyes and turned her head slyly to observe Touga's reaction.
He did have quite a reaction. He jerked back, paled, gasped, and stuttered for probably the first time in his life. "W-what? I would—never—do that."
Bip! went the stopwatch at 6:37.81. "Is that so?" shouted Miki, who took the violence of Touga's reaction for evidence of guilt, and was incensed by his denial. "Here you were telling Saionji-sempai how wrongly he was treating the Rose Bride, and you go and do this? You don't deserve to be the Student Council President! What terrible things are you doing to Himemiya- san?" Anthy, of course, was standing demurely and cluelessly beside Touga during all this.
"What's it got to do with Himemiya?" said Juri. Silly Miki had to drag his kagayaku mono into everything.
"I did not rape anyone!" Touga's voice trembled. Then suddenly he regained composure as though he had never shown any emotion at all. "Mickey, I'm hurt. Do you honestly think I would sink that low? I'm chivalrous, remember?"
The blue-haired pianist was not convinced.
"One would think," Juri remarked dryly, "that you're too busy with all the consensual stuff to even bother." Touga smirked and pretended not to hear, as he always did to remarks about his rampant philandering.
"Touga-sama wasn't in the music room at all yesterday," Anthy spoke up unexpectedly into the silence. "He won the duel, and then he was with me."
Miki stared at Anthy for a moment, taking in her words, then resumed his glaring at Touga. "Then why did she say it was you!?" he cried. Never mind about Kiryuu and Himemiya. Never mind that...
"Who said what was me?" Touga's voice now was faintly amused.
"The girl said you were the one who left her like that," Miki said through clenched teeth.
"Wishful thinking, I guess."
"Wishful thinking?!"
"Or else she's trying to create a scandal. Some people will do anything for attention."
"She tried to drown herself last night!"
"As I said, anything for attention."
"Did she really try to drown herself?" said Juri. "I saw her hanging out with Kozue today, and she looked quite cheerful for the victim of such an awful crime. My guess is that she's a little off mentally."
"Why wouldn't she be!?" Miki countered. "She wiped her memory blank. She wasn't even a student here, Kiryuu- sempai, where did you find her?"
"Find who?" Touga laughed incredulously. "I haven't the faintest idea who you're talking about!"
"It's a tall skinny girl with short aquamarine hair, and her name is Yumi," Juri informed him. "If you even remember names."
"Doesn't ring a bell. Besides, as the Rose Bride said, I was never in the music room yesterday. I think you must have the story confused, Mickey."
"I haven't confused anything," snapped Miki. "She said that you did it." The dark scene replayed itself in his mind. "Did Touga do this to you?" "Yes...that's right. It was Touga-sama."
"Did what?"
Miki opened his mouth to retort, then stopped. His eyes went unfocused as he realized that she had never actually said what Touga did, and he had never asked her. Well, "this" meant whatever it was that had left her naked and shivering on the floor! He said so coldly. "Whatever it was that left her like that! What else would it be?"
"Well, someone is lying to you," Touga replied evenly. "And it isn't me. You're a smart boy, Mickey; I'm sure you'll get to the truth."
Juri yawned. Like most of Ohtori, she seriously doubted that Touga had bothered to rape anyone. "Enough bickering already. Can't we talk about something else?"
The meeting returned to the usual idle speculations about End Of The World, and Miki resumed his suspicious glowering at the Student Council President. Wait a minute—how did Juri know about the entire situation? He had only told her the part about the girl needing clothes, not how he thought she'd gotten there...
CRACK!
It happens all the time at Ohtori Academy. You're just walking along, minding your own damn business, when all of a sudden, someone comes up and bitch-slaps you upside the head. Then they start ranting at you about some situation in which you had minimal involvement.
Usually you'll fall to the ground, but that has more to do with the element of surprise than the force of the blow. Whether or not you get up again and fight back, that's up to you, though sometimes it depends on the determining factor in your personality, introverted or extroverted.
But two days after you show up at the school is pretty early to get bitch-slapped. And right there in the dining hall, too? You must have done something pretty serious to get that sort of treatment.
Yumi was so startled, she fell over backward and took a chair with her. She had no idea of the rumors that were circulating, so she didn't really understand the ranting directed at her...
"What do you think you're doing, trying to ruin my Big Brother's reputation! Don't you know what a noble person he is? He would never do something like that to anyone—much less even look at a weird girl like you!"
That voice, that awful whining voice...high-and-mighty blonde arrogance... When Yumi saw who it was, she refused to take it down on her butt. "You, you damn whore, how dare you hit me!" She stood up and, jumping forward for momentum, shoved Nanami over into a table. Her minions gasped; so did Kozue and her friends. What kind of girl gave the Student Council President's sister her due?
"FIGHT!" somebody shouted, and a chanting crowd quickly materialized.
"As if I could harm your brother's reputation any more than you do!" Yumi shouted, her face contorted with fury. Kozue was amused. She had thought that Yumi's nature was to always be unnaturally cheerful. But every day it became more apparent that her true emotions emerged wherever Touga was concerned.
"Why you bitch!" Nanami had found a glass of water to splash Yumi.
They stood looking at each other with utter disgust and hatred for a split second, then clashed in a good old-fashioned catfight. The crowd went wild. Nanami's minions cheered for her; Kozue and Nanami's anti-fans cheered for Yumi.
They both had an equal will to fight, so it looked like it might be close, but it didn't last long. Touga appeared and called in his scolding voice, "Nanami!" The fight immediately broke up, and the crowd, groaning in disappointment, parted for the Student Council President.
"Oniisama! That totally uncivilized girl just attacked me!"
They had both released each other at the first sound of his voice. Yumi got one look at Touga, gasped, pushed through the crowd and raced off. She didn't want him to see her like this. She didn't want him to meet her in the middle of a fight. Especially not with Nanami. No, that wouldn't do at all.
Damn. Why did he have to show up then? She could have done so much to bust that stupid brat's ego.
What was that even about, anyway? She hadn't done anything to (or with) Touga-sama; he didn't even know her name yet. This was very confusing.
Her face had dried off with the wind of her running, but her shirt was still wet. And she hadn't gotten to eat lunch. She was very hungry. Maybe she could find someone willing to share a lunchbox. It was a nice day; there must be people having picnics. But she must be a sight, bruised and scratched with a soaking shirt.
Well Nanami was no better looking. Yumi had done serious injury to the brat's hairstyle and her nails probably still had bits of skin under them. There hadn't been time to get a good look at the spectacle she'd created, but she smiled at the idea of Nanami greeting oniisama with chunks of her face missing. Then her smile disappeared. Nanami was probably making her brother comfort her, in public. Hmph, that probably won't be the last time we meet, and next time I'll finish the job, Yumi told herself. She fights mean but I can fight meaner.
She heard quick footsteps and panting behind her. Miki had caught up. "Yumi-san!"
"Go away. I'm fine," she said without turning around. She actually would prefer that no one see her like this.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Please don't worry about me, Kaoru-sempai." Never mind lunch. She had to find a bathroom and get cleaned up before class.
She walked off, leaving Miki to catch his breath. He berated himself for not having warned Yumi about Nanami. Everyone knew that Nanami had the worst big brother complex. He should have talked to Nanami about... No, he couldn't have stopped Nanami. But he might have warned Yumi to avoid her.
And yet, Yumi had acted like she already knew Nanami. More than that. Yumi definitely had a genuine loathing for Touga's obsessive sister. "As if I could harm your brother's reputation any more than you do!" Although Yumi had only been here for two days, there was a clear rivalry. It didn't make sense.
"Wishful thinking?" Touga had suggested. "Someone is lying to you. And it isn't me."
The thought entered Miki's mind for the first time that perhaps Yumi was the one at fault. Had she really gone through all that for attention? No, that couldn't be right—her confusion had been real. But there was definitely something he was missing. Miki sighed, realizing he would have to talk to the girl and force her to confront whatever had happened to her in the piano room. No, Kozue should do it instead; they seemed to be friends already.
Fighting Nanami made Yumi even more of a celebrity than the rumors which Kozue had allowed to circulate, because people had actually seen it. Few dared to stand up to Nanami, and the very act of doing so immediately earned her both friends and enemies. She received several praises and threats from random people just on the way to class. News certainly travelled quickly at Ohtori.
Knowing Yumi hadn't gotten to eat, Kozue was thoughtful enough to sneak her a few onigiri, along with a note. Good for you! Too bad you didn't get to finish her off. But why did you run away like that? Have you even met Touga yet?
Thank you so much for the onigiri! Yumi wrote back. She had learned the kana writing in a matter of hours and kept picking up kanji more skillfully than she did food with chopsticks. No, I haven't met him yet. I didn't want him to see me all messed up like that.
Really? Kozue returned. But I'm sure he wouldn't have minded seeing you with your shirt soaking wet.
Yumi blushed and stuffed her mouth full to keep from giggling in the middle of class. Kozue-chan is ETCHI! she wrote.
What, like your prince isn't?
You heard Nanami. Don't you know what a noble person he is?
Now Kozue had to restrain her laughter. Anyway, do you want to go shopping again tonight? My brother said he's found you a dorm, so you'll want your own stuff.
Yes, I would like to. I want lots of music like yours. Kozue had made Yumi a fan of J-pop in no time at all.
The teacher called on Kozue then, and note-passing time ended.
When class ended, however, Kozue had an idea firmly in mind. "I know, Yumi-chan!"
"What, what?"
"You have to send him a love letter!"
Yumi's eagerness for Kozue's great idea dissipated. "But Kozue-chan, he must get hundreds of love letters. There's no way he would read it."
Kozue's expression was sly. "He might if you hand-deliver it!"
"Oh, no, I couldn't."
"Sure you could! I mean you wouldn't even introduce yourself, you'd just hand it to him and run away. Then he'd have to read it to see what you were all about."
"Wouldn't it be obvious?"
"He'd still have to read it. He's not like Saionji who just throws them out."
Unbidden, from somewhere forgotten, came images of violent Saionji slapping the tiny purple-haired girl to the ground, Touga showing up and holding back his raised hand. "True, he's not like Saionji." Images of Saionji and Touga tangled in the moonlight.
"Why are you blushing like that, huh? Are you thinking about what you're going to write?" Kozue grinned.
"No... I don't know what to write."
"It's a love letter, silly, you write whatever's in your heart. Well, you don't have to write it now; I'll help you out later if you want. You could get some pretty stationery tonight and maybe a candy or something too..."
"How would I get to him anyway, to hand-deliver it? He's always surrounded by all those giggly people."
"Oh, don't be silly, you just walk through them like they aren't there. But if you're that self-conscious there's bound to be a time you can catch him alone."
"He's never alone."
"For crying out loud, Yumi-chan, do you want the guy or not? You can't just wait for him to make a move, he doesn't even know who you are. You have to get his attention first!" Kozue almost mentioned that she had firsthand experience on how to be seduced by Touga, but thought better of it. After seeing Nanami nearly get mauled, she had no desire for firsthand experience on how to deal with Yumi's rivalry.
"Yeah, I guess." So she would write a love letter. Write? Write what was in her heart? She had no words. But she tried to think of some all through the rest of the school day.
By the time classes ended, she had bits and phrases scattered through her notebooks, but it would take work to put them together. Nothing sounded good. The words looked pretty on paper but they didn't mean anything. Maybe that was the point of a love letter, to look pretty. But in that case she should have a calligrapher do the physical writing of it. Maybe she could find one when they went shopping tonight.
After school Kozue found a note in her locker. There certainly was a lot of written communication going on.
Kozue, please talk to Yumi-san and try to find out what really happened to her the other night. We need to know the truth, and she seems more comfortable with you.
Your brother.
By the way, spreading rumors is really rude.
Kozue frowned. Rude! People had a right to know what was going on.
"What is it?" asked Yumi, her normal cheerful and curious self. Kozue's friends were just as curious.
Kozue's hand clenched and crumpled the paper. "Just a mean note. They don't know where your locker is, so they're threatening me."
"They who?" said Motoko.
"Nanami's stupid fans."
"Oh. What does it say?" Yumi still wanted to know.
"It's just stupid and mean. Don't worry about it. They're so wimpy they won't even tell us in person, much less do anything." Kozue stuffed the wadded note in her bag as they went downstairs, for the lobby's majesty was not marred by trash bins.
"They have every right to be wimpy. I would've pounded that bitch whore's face in." Yumi belligerently stuck her chin out.
The other girls nearly fell over laughing.
"What's so funny?"
"One just doesn't expect that from you," giggled Rini.
"You're so lighthearted," Chiharu added. "Except when..."
She trailed off, for no one was listening; Touga was passing by and everyone had to fall silent and drool, even though he was surrounded by groupies as usual.
Yumi made a tiny sound between a sigh and a whimper. Kozue and Motoko looked at her: the expression on her face was heartwrenching. Thoroughly confused, Motoko then glanced toward Kozue.
Kozue shrugged, pretending to be just as confused. She wouldn't tell anyone, but she couldn't help it if they figured it out for themselves. If Yumi didn't want anyone else to know she should try not to make it so painfully obvious.
So Miki wanted the truth about Yumi? He'd better not be taking to her... well, Yumi was getting her own damn place, and as soon as she got involved with Touga there wouldn't be any question of Miki going after Yumi. Anyway, he was partial to that idiot whore Himemiya, for reasons beyond Kozue's comprehension. So why should she help him find out anything? Well, the note said "we" and he probably meant the Student Council, so it wasn't necessarily his own desire to know; but she had no reason to help the Student Council either. Of course, solving Yumi's mystery might help with the match making a little. She might just find out for herself. Whether she would tell Miki was still up in the air. But who was to say that Yumi would tell, or that she even knew?
Before leaving, they had taken all Yumi's clothes that they had bought the night before over to her new dorm. Kozue had just helped her pick out a stereo and various appliances to be shipped there. Now Yumi was having enormous fun in the media store, as Kozue helped her select novels and music.
They were giggling at romance novels when Yumi's eyes lost focus; she was paying attention instead to the song playing at an ambient volume level.
Her expression became solemn. The song was so beautifully sad, full of emotion like nothing she'd ever heard...
"This song... What is it?" she said softly as it ended.
"Oh, this is 'Surreal' by Hamasaki Ayumi," replied Kozue. "She's not really one of my favorites but if that's the kind of sound you like let's go over here..." Having finished with cheesy books, they proceeded to stock up Yumi with Ayu CDs and assorted J-pop.
On the way out of the store she was singing that song quietly but with vigor. "...I can't tell anyone, I want to tell someone, that person is more important to me than anyone else..."
"Hey, you have a nice voice," Kozue exclaimed. "I bet you could be a J-pop star!"
"Really?" Yumi grinned shyly.
"Oh, yeah. You'd make a great idol singer." It was beginning to get dark; if she was going to interrogate Yumi while they were out, she should do it soon. Maybe it would work best over food. "Do you wanna get a bite to eat?"
"That sounds good."
"And then let's get some stationery for your letter. I know this cute café that's next to a gift shop, it's just a couple blocks over."
"Okay."
The song had definitely mellowed her out, Kozue thought. It must have struck her as relevant to Touga. Maybe they could use the lyrics in the love letter.
They had a light dinner, soup and salad and dessert. Over tiramisu Kozue began by asking Yumi what had struck her so about the song.
"The song? I don't know...it was just...the sound had such emotion to it. Like she was really feeling something deeply."
"Did it make you think of Touga?"
Yumi blinked and her fork paused on its way to her mouth. "Huh?"
"Well whenever he goes by your heart is written all over your face. You had a little bit of that same look when you heard the song."
"What do you mean, my heart written all over my face?"
"Just what I said. You have this totally lovelorn expression and... Well, if you want to keep it a secret you should work a little harder."
Yumi stared sadly at her plate. "Nobody cares anyway."
"You're probably right. That fool Nanami's already your mortal enemy." Kozue hesitated before adding carefully, "But it was weird how you acted like you already knew her. Had you met her before? My brother said you didn't go to this school."
"Well..." Yumi looked confused. "I did know her...somehow..."
"And the same thing with Touga. How could you have been in love with him if you'd just got here, like you said the other night?"
"Umm..." Every day it became harder to remember what had come before. Before she'd awoken in the piano room. But that was how she knew...
"Nothing you say about that night ever makes sense, Yumi. Can you tell me the truth about what happened?"
She could hardly remember but when she concentrated, it came back in a rush. "It doesn't make sense...because...I can't explain it..."
"What? You mean something supernatural?" This damn school gets weirder all the time, Kozue thought. "You know, Chiharu thinks you were abducted by aliens. Was it really something like that?"
"I can tell you, but it won't make sense. Or you won't believe me." Even with all the weird shit at Ohtori, humans were still generally skeptical beings. She was no longer sure herself if it was true; it felt like she had always been human, though she still remembered otherwise. Fragments of images, easily dismissed as dreams—but she had no memories of human life before then, so she knew they were real.
"Did it have anything to do with the Student Council? People say they're up to a lot of weird stuff, but nobody knows what..."
"No, it had nothing to do with the Student Council. It's just...going to sound very strange to you." If Kozue really wanted to know, she could try to tell her.
"Come on, what school do I go to? Not much can sound strange to us, let me tell you." Whatever it is, it can't be less believable than what oniichan thinks. She had to suppress laughter again at the thought of that silly conjecture.
"Okay, I can tell you."
"Well shoot already."
Yumi took a deep breath. "In the piano room that night, I became a human. Before that I was not human. I was something else."
Kozue gave her the most confused look she had ever given anything in her life.
"I told you it wouldn't make sense."
"Will you just tell the truth? Don't make up weird stories."
"I am telling the truth, Kozue- chan."
Kozue stared at Yumi for almost a minute. There was no reason to think that she was lying, except that what she'd said made no goddamn sense at all. Which was what she had kept saying all along.
"Well, if that's so," Kozue said finally, "what were you before?"
"Something that...I don't have a name for. There were more than just me... I can almost remember why we came here...but people couldn't see us or hear us. There are many, many unseen ones at Ohtori, but just a few like me—like I was. But I wasn't like them because..."
"Huh? Ohtori is haunted? That shouldn't surprise anyone."
"No, I don't think that's it. There are just different kinds of beings...that humans can't see or hear or feel."
"So you were one of them, but you became human." Kozue retained a healthy amount of skepticism.
"Yes. The unseen ones don't have souls. That's why they watch humans; beings with souls are unspeakably fascinating to those without. But I think I must have one now, because I can't turn back into what I was before."
"You were watching us?"
"Yes."
"So that's how you know Touga and—you fell in love with him before you were human?"
"Yes—I think that's how I became human."
"What?"
"When I knew that I love him, I became human."
"Ooooookay... What—then why in the piano room? You said he was never in there."
She flinched visibly as at a painful memory. "That was where I knew."
Kozue finished her dessert and sighed. "Okay. Tell me if I have this right. Before the other night, you were a being with no soul that humans could neither see, hear nor feel. You were with others like you at Ohtori watching us. But then you were in the piano room one night and you realized that you were in love with him, so you became a human being with a soul."
"That's right. That's all I can tell you."
"Well. I didn't think it was possible, but you've managed to tell me a weirder story than what's already going around."
"Huh? What's going around?"
Kozue didn't hear her. She was staring at Yumi, searching for proof of this bizarre story. The part about love transforming, that was believable, coming from this lovesick kid. But seriously...? Wait—there were the ears. They gave just the right subliminal hint of something beyond human, supernatural, magical even. "It is true! It must be why you look so elfin. You were like...a fairy!"
"Elfin?"
"Well your ears are kind of pointy... it makes you look a bit unnatural. You don't have magical powers, do you?"
"Um, not that I know of. What's this story that's going around?"
If Kozue could avoid telling her that, she would. "Oh, it's just stupid conclusions that people jump to..."
"Like what? Hey, it must be what made Nanami so pissed off at me! She said something like..." Yumi imitated Nanami's whiny, snobbish voice. "'Are you trying to ruin my Big Brother's reputation?' But what made her think that?"
"Well..."
"Tell me! What are they saying about me?!"
"People think you were already with Touga."
"But that makes no sense! He doesn't even know me! Why do they think that?"
Kozue shrugged.
"You do too know! I can tell! What the hell is going on?"
Her fear was that Yumi would fail to see the humor in the situation, but, finding herself cornered, Kozue tried to present it in that light anyway. Still, she didn't have to fake a giggle when explaining what Miki had told her. "It's actually pretty funny. See, my brother really has the story confused."
"And?"
"Well, he doesn't know you're in love with Touga, because when he found you in the piano room, he thought Touga..." It was so stupid. Again Kozue struggled to contain a laughing fit.
Yumi, however, was taking this totally seriously. "He thought Touga WHAT?"
"He thought Touga, who has the entire student body and most of the faculty at his lascivious beck and call, went and raped you."
The look on the innocent elfin face was priceless. Kozue couldn't help collapsing into laughter.
The fork fell from her hand with a loud clink and Yumi made a sharp, horrified gasp. "That is not funny!"
At the hurt clear in her voice, Kozue stopped laughing. "I'm sorry. But don't you think—"
"No! Who's saying that? No wonder Nanami— I don't want people to think that!"
"Ssh." Indeed she had failed to see the humor, and now Kozue had to calm her down. "Nobody really believes it, it's so dumb. Because everyone knows Touga has no need to do that!"
"But nobody will believe the truth either! What do I do?" Yumi was near tears. "We have to go tell Kaoru-sempai right now! He thinks that? How could he think that?!"
"It's okay, Yumi. These things take care of themselves. If you deny a rumor, you just give credit to it, so it's best to pretend they aren't out there. And that's one of the stupidest rumors to go around in a while. It's not even a rumor, it's more like a joke, it's so dumb."
"But Kaoru-sempai still thinks it's true!?"
"We'll fix that soon. Don't worry, he's not one of those people who won't admit when he's wrong. I'm sure he'll be glad to find out it isn't true."
"He'll want to know what really happened, and he won't believe that."
Kozue paused. Nobody would fully believe it. "It is a hard thing to believe," she said slowly, "but no reason for being asleep naked on the floor of the piano room would totally make sense. Truth is stranger than fiction."
"I guess." Although she had eased somewhat, Yumi's eyebrows were still knotted. She couldn't finish her dessert.
"Anyway," Kozue brightly changed the subject, "that isn't your most important task. How about the love letter?"
"Why are you sure that's such a great idea?" Yumi pouted.
"It's a way to introduce yourself. Come on, what have you got to lose with it?"
"He might think it's stupid. It'll sound stupid no matter what I write."
"No it won't, and the words hardly matter anyway. It's the point of it that counts."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course! Come on, let's get some stationery before the gift shop closes."
"Well... Oh, I was thinking maybe I should get a calligrapher to write it, so it really looks nice."
"You write fine! Your handwriting's cute." This was a fact: Yumi's writing had a childlike tone because she used mostly hiragana. Like her (usually) cheerful attitude, it had a naive charm. "Even if you don't think the words sound any good, it's more sincere if you write it yourself."
"Yeah, I guess... Okay, let's go."
"Do you want me to explain it for you?" Kozue offered after they brought the purchases back to Yumi's dorm. "I mean, if you don't want him to know about your thing for Touga I can make something else up..."
"I don't care who knows!" said Yumi vehemently. "If he thinks such an awful thing..."
"See, you're too upset. Just let me tell him." Kozue really didn't want to have to bring Yumi back to Miki because (a) she'd rather talk to him alone, and (b) she didn't trust Yumi not to beat the crap out of him for getting the story so confused.
"You're right," Yumi sighed. "I'd just yell at him, wouldn't I? He's been so nice and it's not his fault he misunderstood."
Kozue smiled, to herself really, but she made her smile compassionate for Yumi. "Don't worry about it. I'll clear it up with my brother and no one's even talking about that stupid rumor any more." Never mind that she'd spread it in the first place, but hey, she had amended that part with "and Miki thinks." People just tended to drop that sort of disclaimer when gossiping.
"Okay. Thanks." Yumi was staring at the leaf of elegant stationery in her hand. It had taken her over half an hour to pick something that almost came close to suiting him.
"Not a problem. Now! Let's see what you've got so far." Yumi had told her how she'd spent the latter part of the school day jotting down near nonsensical phrases.
They went through her notebooks, and within the hour Kozue was praising Yumi's poetic ability as Yumi herself tried to muster some sense of self-esteem over the creation.
It was only after Kozue left that Yumi added a slight modification, then sealed it and attached the carefully selected and wrapped chocolate truffle.
Oooooooohh there's sex and slash and wangst and sex and rape themes and dirty words and many many reasons why I don't let my parents read this. Kids, go away and watch some nice Cardcaptor Sakura.
This is technically a finished work—I completed it last summer—but there's a good deal of it I'm not happy with, mainly the climactic scenes, which I'll be rewriting. Wouldn't hurt if I gave it a decent title, too... So before y'all pull out the Spork of Dios on me, give me a line or two of constructive criticism as well. Not that I shouldn't know better.
Oh yeah, and "THIS IS NOT A MARY SUE!!!!" (Why DO we bother to include "not" in that famous declaration?) Well, without further ado, I hesitantly present Folly of a Bored Fangirl er, Akayumezora.
Murakami Haruki
I don't think they told you about us.
But that's probably because they don't know what we are. We don't know what we are. We simply are. Maybe they call us angels, or fairies, or ghosts, or sidhe or mononoke. But when we go to their realms they can't see or hear or feel us. So maybe they don't know about us at all, much less care. They are human, after all.
We are beautiful, but the humans are more so than we could ever hope to be, for each has a shining thing that one of us can never have. It is called a soul. So we are not human because we do not have souls.
There are so many realms of the humans, they go on into infinity. Sometimes there are gods. It can't be explained. Perhaps the way to say it is: the humans with the greatest souls are gods. But it's more than that. The gods are beyond explanation.
We are mysteries and we seek out mysteries. So, because they cannot be explained, we seek out the gods in the human realms. We don't try to explain them, only to be near them. It's very dangerous. I have heard such strange stories about the seeking of the gods. But that must be why we do it. The stranger the stories, the more we want to join the search.
No relation matters to any of us but "friend." So six of us, six friends, we began the journey. Tur'raskevevry, Endrei'anna, Athanynth, Johriishang, Lyly'efandwr, and Mayumiare—that's me. There are doorways everywhere, in our realms and the human realms, but one must have the key. And one never knows where the door leads until one turns the key. That is a mystery. It is an adventure!
Endrei'anna has the key. Endrei'anna opened the door...
To a realm called Ohtori.
Mayumiare felt something strange when she saw him, and she wanted to be around him. But she knew he wasn't a god. If he wasn't a god, what was the feeling she had for him?
His name was Kiryuu Touga. He was young and tall and handsome, his hair was long crimson silk, his eyes cold sapphires, his features angular but his lips full, and...
His soul...
His soul was hard and sparkling like a diamond, but somewhere inside, there was a soft place that hid in quiet torment.
But Mayumiare was never sure if she saw that softness or not, so it was a mystery, and she wanted it.
She wanted him.
Her friends watched the duels. Oh, the duels, the fascinating thrill, the mysteries! The humans couldn't see the thousands of shimmering watchers that flocked to the secret Arena when they dueled. And her friends watched the gods, the pink-haired one and the purple-haired one, Tenjou Utena and Himemiya Anthy. Mayumiare, however, was barely half-interested in all this.
She watched him direct the Student Council and she admired him. She watched him break naive hearts and wavered between laughing at them and crying with them. She watched him day and night until she forgot her own name.
The more she watched him the more she knew that she wanted his lips against her lips and his skin against her skin and all those things that humans blushed and whispered and giggled about. That couldn't happen, of course, for she was not human to partake of human pleasures. But nor was she like the girls (and some of the boys) who got their silly hearts broken. Because she could see his soul and she wanted that too...she wanted to make it bloom like the roses that the goddess Himemiya Anthy watered, the red red roses the color of his silken tresses...
Johriishang found her one day sitting in those roses, watching Kiryuu Touga idle in the greenhouse. It was pouring outside and he was waiting for the storm to pass, for once without a toy. He had probably stood someone up. Entranced by the creamy sound of his voice, she watched him make small talk with Himemiya.
Mayumiare, having forgotten her name, didn't notice when Johriishang called her by it several times. He had to shake her before he got her attention.
"What's happened to you?" he demanded, and then saw her eyes. "Oh no, Mayumiare..."
"What?" she said dreamily.
Laughing cheerfully, Athanynth alighted beside them. "Silly Shang! She only wants him. Come on, Yumi, don't you know you can take human form anytime you like?"
That caught all of Mayumiare's attention. "Wha—how?!"
"Just will it. And will it when you want to change back. The longer you eat their food, the longer you'll be able to stay in that form. I know, it's almost too easy to be true!"
"Athanynth, I don't think—" Johriishang began.
"Oh, stop. This happens all the time!" Athanynth waved her hand dismissively. "Once the lust is satisfied, it goes away."
Johriishang opened his mouth to protest again, but Mayumiare had jumped to her feet. "Will I have a soul?" she blurted.
Athanynth was taken aback. "Of course not. I said take human form, not turn into a human. Don't you think we'd have heard stories about it if that were possible?"
"But I hadn't heard about taking human form," said Mayumiare, crestfallen.
"You just never pay attention. But we are what we are, Yumi. We can't have souls. Do the natural thing with him a few times, and you'll be fine. I mean he obviously isn't a god."
"Maybe Kiryuu Touga is a god," said Johriishang. "Maybe she sees something we don't."
"No," Mayumiare replied quietly. "He's just beautiful."
I have heard this word. It's a word for the thing that holds these human realms together. It builds hearts and breaks them. This thing, this thing is everything. This is one of the mysteries because we cannot feel it, and we cannot feel it because we do not have souls.
There are so many words for it in so many human languages, and so many different kinds. But there is one word in one language that covers all kinds, so I will use that one. The thing is "love."
So now I wonder if this is the thing that I feel for Kiryuu Touga, because he is not a god and yet I want to be around him and be with him always. Are we truly not able to feel it, or are we merely forbidden? If I have never felt love, and no one I can speak to has ever felt love, than how would I know whether or not I feel it now? Is it feeling love that gives the human the soul, or is it the soul that enables the human to feel love? I think this is what they call a chicken-and-egg dilemma.
Perhaps what I am feeling indicates some kind of grave illness and I should leave this realm before anything else happens. Perhaps I'm dying. Because we do not age like humans, we do not die naturally, but we can fall ill or be killed. Is this a virulent demon that has a hold of me? It doesn't feel like a demon.
And I'm not afraid. I just want to be near him.
Mayumiare's friends began to hate Kiryuu Touga. They hated him because he wanted to seduce the pink-haired goddess, who was now engaged to the other goddess through the strange ritual of the duels, and possess her and then ruin her. The one called Utena was the one girl who refused him, and so he wanted her more than ever. Or did he want to use her for the great enigma known only as End Of The World? The mysteries of this realm seemed to pile up on one another; when the six seekers watched on the night of the ball, they were all equally fascinated.
The others cheered when Utena, embarrassed in her dress, became Anthy's prince rather than Touga's princess. Mayumiare was silent, seriously considering taking human form after Utena spurned him, only to dance with Touga, just to dance with him once...
But more than Touga—oh, much more—they hated Saionji Kyouichi, and rightly so. He lacked respect for anyone or anything, including himself, and he abused everyone, most of all the goddess called Anthy. He prattled about the love between himself and the Rose Bride, then in the next moment slapped her to the ground. Cruel, ugly streaks swept his soul like a ceaseless north wind. He despised himself, and Mayumiare pitied him.
He also slept with Touga. After having lost to Utena twice, the young man with the waves of forest green hair was shattered. Touga found him practicing his kendo obsessively in the middle of the night, eyes unfocused, sweating like a madman. And Touga offered the kind of comfort he was best at. It was clear they had done it before, and that Touga was toying with him as he did with everyone else. And yet Mayumiare watched. She had tried to keep herself from what the humans might call voyeurism, but somehow she couldn't turn away from it this time, in the witching hours with the moon gleaming on the floor of Ohtori's dojo, their moans echoing in the emptiness. She had followed Touga there, of course, and by the time she realized what was happening she was utterly transfixed, watching Touga first calm the broken, furious Saionji, then take him in a friend's embrace which turned to a masseuse's embrace which turned to a lover's embrace. And they kissed and licked and undressed and caressed and sucked and fucked...red and green hair tangling in the moonlight...and Mayumiare only trembled.
After that, there was a burn mark in the west windowsill of the dojo that hadn't been there before. No one could determine what it was from. Hardly anyone at Ohtori smoked, and certainly not in the dojo! But it looked like someone had snubbed a cigarette there, or a cigar.
Still, Mayumiare did not hate Saionji. He was only cruel because he hated himself, like all of Touga's foolish toys ended up doing.
If Mayumiare had a rival, it was the blonde one called Nanami. She was supposedly Touga's sister, even though they didn't look a damned thing alike. The thing was, she wanted the soul and body of her oniisama all to herself. She wanted to keep oniisama in a cage for her alone.
It was Nanami who had ruined Mayumiare's idea of taking human form to dance with Touga, because Nanami had created a scene and required scolding from oniisama. Nanami often burst in on her daydreaming. Nanami seemed to want to keep Mayumiare from him even though she had no idea of the other being's presence. Well, Nanami wanted to keep everyone from him but herself. She was even more selfish than her brother.
Nanami. Yes, and if Mayumiare had to hate anyone, Mayumiare hated Nanami.
Her friends hated Nanami too, after she slapped Utena to the ground, as Nanami's minions so often did to Anthy. They hated Nanami for hating Utena. Like it was really Utena's fault that Touga had taken a swing from Saionji's blade! They could see Nanami's logic, but it was flawed logic—she hadn't even been there! That was a strange night, of coffins and flying roses and crumbling structures, and the only thing that actually happened was that Saionji tried to kill Utena. Touga flung himself between Utena and death—he must have orchestrated the whole thing for this purpose, to show Utena how chivalrous he was. The other unseen spectators covered their ears at Mayumiare's piercing shriek of dismay; it was inaudible to the humans, but perhaps the sword obeyed because it stopped just in time. The blade never touched his skin, but the force, that invisible force that swordstrokes tended to produce, especially under the magic of the Arena, nearly broke his back. The Arena's churchbells clamored like the unseen crowd and Mayumiare panicked to hear Touga cry out in pain.
Saionji Kyouichi was promptly expelled from Ohtori Academy, or at least suspended. He would probably come back. Still, his leaving was cause for celebration among the followers of the Rose Bride and her fiancée. At first the incident also lifted their opinion of the Student Council President: he had risked his life for Utena. This was indeed chivalrous. But they quickly realized that he had set up Utena, risking her life, to do just that, most likely with the intent of seducing her; then they hated him almost as much as they did Saionji. Tur'raskevevry berated Mayumiare for stopping the swordstroke, which hurt her deeply, and she didn't think she had really done that anyway. Johriishang and Athanynth in turn berated Tur'raskevevry for saying such a mean thing as Mayumiare, hurt and confused and thoroughly distraught, followed Touga to the campus hospital.
Nanami was angry and starving for vengeance. But Mayumiare wouldn't leave his side for a moment, even when the girls went to him. She could almost ignore that now. She just had to be near him...like she was protecting him. He didn't know, of course, and when she tried to touch his cheek her hand passed through. He felt her tears, however; they were hot burning specks, like cinders stirred by a log falling in the hearth. He made a short cry of startled pain, sat up in bed and put his hand to his shoulder. There was nothing there, no cinder, no mark. Only the sensation of small burns.
Mayumiare darted away. She was as surprised as he.
"Ohhh, does it hurt?" whined the girl beside him.
"Poor Touga-sama," simpered another, kneeling next to the bed. They both cuddled him.
This marked Mayumiare's first brush with jealousy. It was her tears that hurt him. And these stupid nymphomaniacs had to interrupt, assuming it was his wound—he might have somehow realized her presence!
She touched the tears on her face. They didn't feel like anything to her, though they glowed slightly. She'd never really noticed them before.
Next time, I'll turn into a human, she resolved.
Except I can't turn into a human. I can only take human form.
Sulking, she went to sit in the rose garden.
The boys here sure like to practice their kendo obsessively at midnight. Touga, however, is not in the dojo. He is just outside in plain sight. Where stupid Nanami can see him.
I laugh when Nanami demands a kiss and oniisama fumbles to explain that they are not children anymore. Which really means, in the chivalrous language of yon Student Council President, "Ewww, I'm not kissing you!"
Everybody, human or non, says he has no morals and no decency, but I don't know where they get that. He might take on anything remotely human-formed (I should qualify), but not family members. It must be so much work resisting Nanami that he doesn't have time to spurn anyone else's advances. And the only one who spurns his is that silly Tenjou Utena... He's probably never been spurned in his life. That's why he's chasing Utena so intently. He just needs to prove he can seduce the school tomboy. Stupid Utena, she is giving Touga-sama a lot of trouble.
And yet, as I watch, something injured seems to flare up in his soul. With the kendo practice one would expect the physical injury to flare up on him. But it isn't that. It's something deeper...
Some terrible hurt, full of shame and self- hatred, something he hides from everyone...
Some old wound that never healed...
Something locked away with that softness I so long to free. Or is that what keeps the softness locked away? This wound that torments silently—is this what has built the shell around his soul?
Nanami is gone now, leaving him to his kendo exercises. The hurt is invisible again, and but for the bandages one wouldn't know his back and right arm and shoulder were hurt either. But I know I saw it! And I must know what it is—as my friends seek the mysteries of the Rose Bride and Tenjou Utena's duels, so I must seek the mystery of Kiryuu Touga's soul.
I will find the key to him...
"I will find it, Touga- sama," I promise into his ear, though I know he can't hear me. But they must hear us on some level; the humans have so many more levels to their consciousness than we; they must see us with their dreamtime eyes. "I will heal it."
Tur'raskevevry was still mad at Mayumiare. He believed that she had directly interfered, an act which was by its very nature forbidden. They were to watch, not meddle: this was instinctively understood, and because he believed that Mayumiare had flouted this instinct by halting Saionji's swordstroke with her will, Tur'raskevevry was both infuriated and frightened by her.
"You can't do that, you idiot," he hissed, or words to that effect, every time he saw her. "You'll get us all negated or something. You can't interfere. If they're supposed to die you can't stop it!"
Tur'raskevevry's rant invariably threw Mayumiare into hysterics. "Shut up!" she sobbed. "I did not, I didn't do anything!" It made her hysterical because she wanted to have interfered; that would mean she had some effect on his life by saving it. And her so-called friend never failed to remind her how irrevocably wrong that was. Just like so many he could see and touch, she wanted to mean something to that crimson-haired player, but every time Tur'raskevevry opened his mouth, he had to tell her how impossible that was.
Endrei'anna watched impartially when present, but any of the other three would usually jump to Mayumiare's defense. "Will you cut it out, Vev!? Can't you see how upset you're making her? She'll get a melancholy!"
"She's making herself upset," Tur'raskevevry snapped today. Then he gasped and backed away, suddenly realizing something. "You want to interfere! That's why you won't just take a human form and play that one-track mind boy for all he's worth. Because you know it won't mean anything if you do. You're just waiting...for the right time to make your move... Waiting until something happens to Utena-sama maybe, so you can move in on the bastard, huh? Or maybe..." Tur'raskevevry blazed with fury as he articulated his next suspicion. "If you like making things happen so much, maybe you'll make something happen to Utena- sama!"
The others were shocked into silence at the very thought.
"What?" cried Mayumiare, unable to understand why her friend would harbor such terrible suspicions. "I wouldn't—I would never—why would I do that?"
"Because you're obsessed! You're selfish and jealous and insane!" Tur'raskevevry shouted. "I bet you'd kill Utena-sama if you could!"
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT UTENA!!" screamed Mayumiare, and all the birds in the tree flew away. Nearby humans felt their ears ring for no apparent reason.
The silence gaped; so did the other five. She glared at Tur'raskevevry until he left in disgust, then angrily shook her head, scattering luminous tears.
Her friends stared. Mayumiare did not care about the goddesses of Ohtori. She certainly appeared obsessed and insane, if not jealous and selfish. Would she really do anything...? they wondered. Is she really capable?
She gave them a sneer to inquire what they were looking at. So they looked at each other and departed one by one. Athanynth lingered a moment with a sympathetic glance.
"Don't let it get to you," was all she said.
Lost in perplexity and longing, Mayumiare went where she always went to calm herself after such confrontations: she went to his room and curled up on his pillow, where the hedonistic scent of his aura lulled her into serene bliss.
Touga's wound healed, and then it was back to normal—or the standard thereof for Ohtori Academy—more of girls and the occasional boy attending to him; more of Nanami being stupid (in fact she was stupid enough to duel Utena); more of the Student Council being cryptic; more of Utena being a tomboy and Anthy being diminutive.
Clearly the only way to go from here, thought Mayumiare, was to become human. With her friends having shunned her and Touga unaware of her, she was at a stalemate.
Mayumiare thought that perhaps the way to become human was to forget that she wasn't one. During the last days of Touga's convalescence she paid attention instead to the "normal" Ohtori—classes and gossip. She tried to sleep like humans did, but that didn't happen; she even tried to do a math problem but that really didn't happen. She couldn't eat food; she couldn't sleep; she couldn't study: pretending that she could was obviously not working.
She saw less and less of her friends, which was fine; they only made her nervous now anyway. But now she was lonely and confused. She had no direction. Who could help her?
Then Mayumiare remembered the enigmatic thing that the Student Council called End Of The World. They seemed to be the authority. There had been no indication that End Of The World was human. If End Of The World was such a mystery with such authority, perhaps End Of The World could tell her how to become human!
So she began to hunt high and low on the campus for this phenomenon. Of course she had no idea what she was looking for; she would just have to know when she found it.
She found a building with a strange, creepy aura to it. It was a bizarre place; it seemed to exist as various things at once in different time frames, like layers of human consciousness. The aura was of the deepest mysteries—some of them evil—and she knew she had found something, if not End Of The World. Despite the awe and fear that warned her away, she entered the building and was met by creatures both like and unlike herself.
"What do you want? What could a thing like you want here?" they hissed. She couldn't tell what they were, so she wasn't frightened by them.
"I have to talk to End Of The World," she said.
They laughed. "End Of The World! She wants to talk to End Of The World! End Of The World won't listen. End Of The World doesn't care."
"Then why are you here?" Mayumiare challenged.
"Waiting. We're waiting."
"Waiting for eternity!" one of them shouted mockingly. They giggled.
"The Power of Dios in the Castle where eternity dwells?" said Mayumiare just as acidly.
They giggled some more. They seemed quite mad. "Ooh, smart fairy, thinks she knows everything. Smart fairy wants to talk to End Of The World!"
"Why don't you talk to Mikage- sama?" one teased, and the others took up this cry. "Yeah, Mikage-sama, talk to Mikage-sama. Maybe Mikage-sama can hear you. Yeah, Mikage-sama's fucked up in the head. He can hear smart fairies."
They obviously weren't being serious, but Mayumiare took it seriously. "Then where is Mikage?"
"Find Mikage-sama, take the smart fairy to Mikage-sama!" They found this intensely amusing and cackled as a few of the small dark beings broke off from the group and beckoned.
Still laughing, the escort led her to a charmingly furnished office, where she heard two unfamiliar voices talking about Touga and immediately forgot about the strange aura and the small dark beings.
Actually... one of the voices was a bit familiar. Yes, it was a rich bass voice she had heard talking on the phone to Touga. Touga had never said his name in conversation, so she didn't know it, but the lavender-haired man had some kind of authority. His soul was dark and full of secrets, hiding something inhuman, or perhaps superhuman. He was older than the students and wasn't in uniform anyway, but his dark skin, black-lashed eyes and the red dot on his forehead were the same as Himemiya Anthy's.
The boy he was talking to was younger, high-school age, with palest pink hair and haunted mauve eyes. His uniform was different than the other students'. But there was something wrong with him, like he wasn't supposed to be in the form he was in...
"So Kiryuu is trying to be Tenjou's prince," said the boy. "What does that mean to us?"
"If she falls in love with him, she may not be able to fight him, and Kiryuu could take possession of the Rose Bride."
"Right. And we all know how easy it is to manipulate Kiryuu Touga."
"It's true, Nemuro-sensei. He's so used to manipulating people, he never realizes it when it happens to him. Tenjou could be much harder to control."
Mayumiare bristled. In what evil plan did they think to use Touga-sama?
"But does Kiryuu care about the Power of the World Revolution any more than Tenjou does? None of them know what the Power is—only that it's there for the taking."
"If he can use it, he wants it," the man replied, leaning back. "That's how Kiryuu is."
"That's how you are, too," snapped the boy. The man had said Nemuro-sensei but by the small dark beings' raving, Mayumiare knew he was their Mikage-sama. What was going on?
The man laughed. "No, I'm afraid Kiryuu and I are vastly different. For one thing, he has to use because he was used. His foster father raped him, you know, when he was younger."
"Kiryuu was raped? How do you know a thing like that?"
"Saionji Kyouichi was his childhood friend, so he was the only one who knew—until he told Anthy, who told me."
"Well, I guess that does explain a lot. But what does this mean for the Black Rose project?"
Mayumiare lost track of the conversation then.
There was the thing. The thing that happened to Touga. The thing...
What did it mean?
What was rape? Mayumiare had no idea what that was.
Well, it was something bad...
It was something bad that a human did to another human...
But who could tell her what it was?
"What's rape?" she asked Mikage. He did not appear to have heard. She shouted her question in his ear.
Contrary to the opinion of the small dark beings, Mikage did not hear smart fairies. So she left to ask them.
"Hey, she's back. Smart fairy's back! Did Mikage-sama talk to you? Did Mikage-sama tell you about End Of The World?" they mocked.
"What's rape?" she said bluntly.
She got various definitions. "That's when they knock you down and give it to you. That's what the perverts on the subway do! It happens in dark alleys in the bad part of town. It's when they don't pay the prostitute. Rape is what happens in cabbage fields. Yeah, cabbage fields! Cabbage fields with little white butterflies! White butterflies with black spots. In cabbage fields."
"No, they aren't butterflies, they're moths," one dissented scornfully, and they continued to argue this point until they lost interest.
They were indeed quite mad.
Only when Mayumiare left did she feel the terror that had permeated her. She couldn't figure out why at first—then she remembered the older man's aura. She hadn't even noticed while she was there. It was a sweet, enticing scent that wound around and then became danger, a treacherous horrid thing... She hoped she wouldn't have to see that man ever again.
Irrelevant. She had to find out something.
Well, maybe her friends would know. That she was estranged from them didn't matter now. She had to find out what this terrible thing was.
Mayumiare found Athanynth and Johriishang in their favorite place, contemplating Himemiya Anthy in the rose garden.
"Um," she said weakly.
"Yumi!" Athanynth exclaimed when she saw her. "Yumi, where have you been? Dumb question. We know where you've been. How have you been?"
"Okay." Alienated from them, she felt a bit shy. "I need to know something."
"About what?" said Johriishang.
"A bad thing that a human does to another human. What's rape?"
"Rape?" Athanynth thought and thought. "I don't know. It's something bad?"
"Yes, it's something bad."
"I've never heard of that either," Johriishang shrugged.
"Ask Lyly'efandwr. She's taken human form before," said Athanynth. "Or maybe Endrei'anna would know, but more probably Lyly."
"Oh, alright." But Mayumiare was very reluctant to search them out, for fear of finding Tur'raskevevry.
She didn't have to search for them anyway, because they came barging into the garden then. "Oooh, that jackass Kiryuu! He keeps trying to convince Utena that he's her prince. Him! The biggest man-ho ever!"
"Man-ho?" said Mayumiare. Here was another unfamiliar term concerning Touga.
Tur'raskevevry gave her a look as condescending as one of Nanami's minions. The effect was not as intimidating or upsetting as the accusations. "What are you doing in here?"
She replied with a hand gesture she had learned when watching random Ohtori students.
"Really? He says he's her prince now?" giggled Athanynth. "That's silly! She doesn't believe him, does she?"
"She's starting to," said Endrei'anna. "She kind of wants to believe it, you know."
"But he's already Yumi's prince," Lyly'efandwr teased.
They laughed, and even Mayumiare giggled shyly.
"Yeah, Yumi," Tur'raskevevry jeered. "Why don't you keep your man-ho from hitting on Utena- sama?"
"Maybe I will," she said defiantly.
Tur'raskevevry rolled his eyes.
"Well, I'm trying to find out something..." Mayumiare began.
"Aren't we all," said Endrei'anna, at the same time Tur'raskevevry jeered, "What, how many people Kiryuu slept with?"
"I don't think we can count that high," laughed Johriishang.
"It isn't a definite number," Athanynth added. "It continually increases."
"He reminds me of a story I heard," Lyly'efandwr said thoughtfully, "of some man called Casanova." But nobody else had heard this story.
Mayumiare stomped her foot. "I'm not talking about numbers or weird stories! Really, there's something I have to know!"
"From us?" said Endrei'anna.
"If you can tell me. It's a human thing. What's rape?" she blurted before they could interrupt her again.
"Dunno. Do you know?" Endrei'anna asked Lyly'efandwr, who was squinting, trying to remember.
"It's something bad... it leaves scars on the soul like very unhappy things do to humans. But... I don't know exactly what it is, I can't quite remember..." Lyly'efandwr shook her head.
It leaves scars on the soul...it leaves scars... Yes, she knew that. She had seen the scars that one time, when his soul let its guard down, for the scars were covered so well, shielded even from penetrating smart fairy eyes.
No, actually, Lyly'efandwr was wrong. A wound only leaves a scar after it heals. The wounds to his soul had never healed—they had only been hidden.
"Oh! I know who could tell you!" Lyly'efandwr broke into Mayumiare's thoughts, but it was a welcome interruption.
"Really? You know?"
"An imp! Imps know things like that. Find an imp."
"Wha—where do I find an imp?"
"They hide in funny places, like—"
"Now what is he doing!?" Tur'raskevevry cried in disgust. Touga had suddenly shown up in the rose garden and was talking to Anthy.
He was only making the usual small talk about the roses, until he started saying politically incorrect things about keeping her like a beautiful bird in a cage. Anthy continued to be her withdrawn, bashful self.
"He has to use because he was used." Seeing him, now that she almost knew... If she had a heart, it was breaking for him. "Touga-sama, my beautiful Touga-sama, with your wound that never healed. Touga- sama..." Mayumiare had no idea she was lamenting aloud.
"You're pathetic!" Tur'raskevevry shouted, but of course she didn't hear him.
"Come on, Anthy, blow him off! Utena wants you to stand up for yourself!" said Athanynth.
Utena showed up right then to defend the Rose Bride, and all the unseen ones, with the usual exception of Mayumiare, cheered.
Touga played on Utena's emotions, and her memories of her Oujisama, leaning in to almost kiss her, before challenging her to a duel.
The unseen ones, Mayumiare now included, all screamed like a bunch of gossipping students. Their yelling filtered down to phrases like, "I can't believe—" "He's so MEAN!" "Unfair tactics! That has to be illegal!" "That bastard, he's such a damn WHORE!" Mayumiare, however, had no words; she was only screaming because she hadn't guessed at his ulterior motive. Such a cunning and cruel strategy!
Once Touga had left Utena stunned in dismay, Tur'raskevevry turned his attack to Mayumiare. He wore an expression of utter disgust. "How can you think something like him is beautiful?! He doesn't deserve to be human any more than you do!"
Mayumiare made a wordless cry of hurt feelings. Then she became angry. There was no reason for him to speak to her so. "You shut up. You shut the hell up! I've had enough of you judging me, baka!" She kicked at him and the force of her anger threw him backward past the despairing Utena. Endrei'anna glared at her and went to help him.
"Yumi," said Athanynth in surprise. Their friend had never used to be so belligerent.
"You mustn't spend so much attention on Kiryuu," Lyly'efandwr said calmly. "It's driving you mad, clouding your vision. You'll fall ill, or be consumed by a demon."
"Well that's what we came here for, isn't it?" Mayumiare shouted, her eyes full of tears. "All the mysteries, all the adventure we can't be part of, it's dangerous seeking the gods, right? It's dangerous, and I'm your casualty!"
"Don't say that, Yumi, you'll be fine," Athanynth protested. "It'll pass and—"
Johriishang hushed her. "She's chosen her path."
"You're gonna die," snarled Tur'raskevevry, up again. "You will be consumed by a demon, and it'll serve you right."
"What in him could intrigue you so?" Endrei'anna looked at her scornfully. "Sure he's pretty. But he's so far from a god, there's no depth to him at all. He's a shadow."
"You're wrong!" Mayumiare shouted. "You don't understand, none of you understand! He's—he's—" She couldn't explain it to them. Sobbing, she quickly vacated the premises.
She wanted to go somewhere she wouldn't find anyone, not "friend," not human, not animal, no one—somewhere completely and utterly quiet where she could gather herself.
The closest place was the piano room. The blue-haired pianist boy had already left to do homework, and no one was there now.
When I get to be human, and if I come into the piano room to cry, maybe the sound of my sobs will echo like Touga-sama's voice does in here.
Yes, it's not if I get to be human, it's when. It's just a matter of finding out how. I have that to find out, and I have the definition of a strange human word to find out. But right now...
I just...
Well, I think they are meaner to me than Touga ever was to Utena. They act like his every action is my fault. Would he even be looking at Utena if I had any say in the matter!? It isn't even his idea to fight her, it's from End Of The World! Whoever that is!
But they don't matter. The only thing that can matter to me is Touga-sama, graceful, cruel, cold, proud, beautiful Kiryuu Touga.
At some point when I stop crying, I sense another aura in here—it's the pianist boy's aura, the blue-haired youngest member of the Student Council, Kaoru Miki. He isn't here now, for the piano is silent, but he spends so much time here, the room is redolent of him. Why did I not go to Touga-sama's room? I suppose I didn't want to deal with its headiness right then. Unlike Miki, I haven't spent much time in here, but only now do I notice how strange the piano room is to me.
Actually, I can smell a bit of Touga's aura in here too, though when he comes in here he never plays the piano. When can I be one of the girls who leaves this room fixing hair and skirt? One of the girls...
But they're right, I could be one of those girls any time I wanted. I could be another statistic (there's a word I learned in a class), a number counted among the uncountable, just another one of the girls and boys who can make the unremarkable and yet so enviable claim of "I fucked the Student Council President!"
Well they don't see his soul, now do they? They don't know the thing that I have seen and soon will understand. So...
But their hands don't pass through when they touch him.
Someday, someday mine won't either.
She got up, finally, when the moon was rising. The moon had looked like that when she saw Touga and Saionji... Well, Saionji was gone, and she had priorities. "Where am I supposed to find an imp?" she wondered aloud.
Weren't imps related to demons? It sounded dangerous to go looking for an imp. Maybe she could get Johriishang to go with her. But the idea that she might have to ask her friends for help made her more frustrated. Besides, according to them, her very way of existence these days was dangerous.
"A little more danger won't hurt me," she resolved, aloud again to reassure herself. "They think I can't handle anything, well they're wrong!"
Lyly'efandwr had said that imps hid in strange places. Like... like maybe that odd building where she had heard those people talking about Touga in the first place? Or perhaps the dueling Arena? Strange by what standards, human or otherwise? Would an imp be as difficult to find as End Of The World? Where could she even start?
"Damn if I'm not sick of looking all over this campus for weird shit," Mayumiare complained. "If I can talk to an imp, it ought to be able to hear me." This reasoning then led her to hover above the piano in the moonlight and shout with sarcastic melodrama, "Show yourselves, imps of Ohtori! For I need to know something about my prince."
She made a startled noise and backed away when, several moments later, she noticed something hovering beside her. She backed into another shape—she was surrounded by them. They were beings a bit like herself but more like dark bits of flame.
"Quit freakin' out," said one of them. "You called us."
There weren't as many of them as she'd first thought, and they looked mischievous rather than menacing. But she was still confused. "What—"
"Dude, is this a prank call or something? Cuz you do know who you called, right?"
Suddenly Mayumiare realized. "Oh, are you imps?"
"Duhhhhh!" "Yo, what you smoking? I want some."
Mayumiare felt self-satisfied relief. "Well, that was easy!"
"Didn't you want to know something? Cuz if we came over here for nothing—"
"Yes, I do want to know something!"
"Well make it quick. Imps are busy creatures." "Dude, no we aren't." "Shut up."
"I need to know what this human word means. What's rape?"
"We can show you!" The imps laughed conspiratorially.
Mayumiare bit down on her nervousness. She already knew it was something bad, so she would rather avoid a demonstration. But it was a human thing, wasn't it? They must be bluffing. "Oh, but you must be too busy for all that trouble, so why don't you just tell me."
"Hmm, it's kind of hard to explain. I think we'll have to show you." They pressed closer in to her.
She pushed them all away with a furious gesture. "Tell me!"
They laughed again, this time tauntingly, a She fell for it! laugh. "Get a grip, lady. We're imps. We make mischief." "Duh, we couldn't actually overtake you." "Bet we could. She's pretty innocent." "But it is hard to explain." "She's not old enough to understand." They chuckled as though this last nonsensical remark was comical.
"Please just tell me," she sighed. "It's very important."
"Do you want a detailed explanation?" For some reason the imp's tone was suggestive.
"Yes. Tell me everything you know."
They giggled. "Well, you know when humans get together?" "When they get together in bed." "When they do the hippity-dippity." "Dude, why don't you just say they fuck?"
"Yeah," said Mayumiare warily. How would she not know what that was? It was like all Touga-sama ever did. It was everything humans blushed and whispered and giggled about. It was...what did they say? The "human condition."
The imps were whispering now too, as if relating some such particularly racy encounter. "What if one of the humans doesn't want to, but the other forces it on that person?" "It hurts. It's painful. That big long thing driving into one again and again..." "And one doesn't want it, it's the most terrible thing in the world, but one can't get away." "And after it's done, that's not the end. There's shame, anger, despair, but mostly shame. Wounds that will never fully heal." "One's sense of self-worth is gone. One hates oneself. One is filled with self-revulsion. One wishes one were dead. One's life is changed forever...for the worse."
They grinned at her expression of utter horror. "That's rape. It's probably the worst thing a human can do to another human." "Most humans wouldn't agree on that." "Dude, only if they haven't been raped."
"Touga-sama..." Mayumiare faltered.
"Touga? Touga won the duel today." "Dude, that was so cool..."
She no longer heard them.
Some...person...had done this terrible thing...to Touga-sama?
Touga-sama ravaged against his will?
Touga-sama hating himself?
Touga-sama wishing he were dead?
It all came clear now, clear as morning dew on the roses... the depths of Touga's soul, the terrible unhealed wounds, the secret he had to hide from everyone, the secret he hid so well behind chivalry and cruelty and sensuality and relentless elegance.
"Touga-sama!" Luminous tears spattered on the piano. She felt a lancing, searing pain; she felt as though she were crumbling to bits.
The imps stared. Mayumiare's form was shot through with brightness.
"Touga-sama— I love you! Touga-sama!" She saw him and she loved him. This was all she knew. And this was what they called love, this burning brightness of pure longing, longing for self-sacrifice, longing for his happiness, longing just for his presence. Something miraculous and indescribable that she couldn't contain. She couldn't contain it and she was bursting, falling apart, crumbling...
Becoming...
Falling, growing and falling, piercing agony of spontaneous formation, metamorphosis, sudden victim of gravity and air pressure.
Breath.
Heartbeat.
Unable to stand by piano, falling again, unused to sense of balance, crawling toward doorway...too soon to fight gravity. Collapse.
Sleep... I am falling asleep?
So Touga had won the duel. Now Touga was in possession of the Rose Bride. Touga had Anthy to do his every bidding. Well, he wouldn't think about that...
Miki had been trying not to think about it for six hours, and still it was keeping him awake. A good piano session should clear his mind. Besides, Touga had decency...sometimes.
Maybe he should challenge Touga. No, that would be useless; he couldn't defeat the Student Council President. And Anthy was better off with Utena; Utena was kind to her, and didn't believe that Anthy should be possessed as the Rose Bride. Utena would win again soon and protect Anthy. But what if...
Miki almost walked right on past the unconscious naked girl on the floor.
—Unconscious naked girl on the floor!?
Immediately he knelt beside her, unsure whether or not he should touch her, his hand hovering hesitantly. "Hey! Hey, are you okay? Miss!"
The girl made a curious sound and shivered. She must be freezing on the cold floor like that!
"Miss, are you okay? Can you move?" Miki glanced around for her clothes, but they were nowhere to be seen. What could have happened to her?
"T- Touga-sama..." she murmured, blinking, and shivered again.
Miki gasped in dismay. Would the Student Council President have done something like this? Everyone knew what a player he was, but surely he wouldn't use someone against her will and leave her this way! Or would he? If he played on Utena's emotions to win a duel, did he really have any morals? "Did Touga do this to you?" Miki asked, trying to keep his voice calm, free of anger.
The girl sighed and looked at her hand on the floor in front of her face. "Yes...that's right. It was Touga-sama."
So Touga had done this, he had really stooped this low. There went any hope for Touga's decency! Miki hid his indignant rage, his mind racing angrily. He wouldn't think about what this meant for the Rose Bride—NO! Not Himemiya! No!—God no, he couldn't stand to think about that—Utena, you fool! Why did you have to lose to him!—Well, he disapproved of how Saionji had treated her, so perhaps he would treat the Rose Bride with appropriate chivalry. He could only hope. And he could not worry about that now. This girl needed help, and his righteous anger would do her no good.
Still shivering, she was flexing her fingers and watching them as an infant does. Her stomach rumbled audibly. Poor thing—the trauma of her situation hadn't even hit her yet.
"Let's get you out of here, alright?" Miki took off his uniform jacket and wrapped her in it, then stood her up. She was taller than him, very slender, her short aquamarine hair dishevelled; there was something odd about her features that he couldn't identify, but he wasn't going to stare at her. "Where's your dorm?"
She was watching her feet move as they walked, placing one before the other as if it took intense concentration. "Dorm?...I don't have a dorm."
"Are you a student here?" He hoped she wasn't a teacher's daughter or something. The faculty had enough problems with the Student Council.
"I don't know."
She must have blocked her memory, thought Miki. A reasonable reaction. That goddamn Kiryuu!... "What's your name?"
She clearly had to think about that one. "Yumi. I'm...Yumi."
Maybe she didn't want to give her surname. Well, he should probably take her to the hospital. But the poor thing was cold and hungry. He didn't want to probe her with questions; she probably had no answers now. She could stay overnight, and he'd take her in tomorrow. Kozue's clothes wouldn't fit her, though; maybe Juri could lend her something.
"I'm Kaoru Miki," he said, thinking he shouldn't tell her that he was in the Student Council, if she hadn't noticed from his uniform. "You can stay in our room tonight and we'll take care of things tomorrow. Is that okay?"
"Okay." Yumi was pretty out of it. She didn't seem upset in the least. Maybe she had no idea what had happened. Maybe they should keep it that way.
Kozue rubbed her eyes and stared at her shirtless brother. Was this a good dream?
No, it wasn't; there was a girl next to him, naked but for his shirt. "Who's that?" Kozue demanded icily.
"I found her in the piano room. She's been through something bad, I think. Kozue, is there still water in the bath?"
"Yeah." Kozue didn't move.
"Can you get her in? She's really cold."
Kozue sighed and got up. "Fine."
"Yumi, this is my sister Kozue," Miki told the tall, funny-looking girl. "Follow her, okay? I'll put on some tea and toast."
"Yes." She had a strange way of walking.
Kozue twisted her lip in envy of the concern her brother showed the strange girl. She grabbed Yumi's hand and led her to the bathroom like it was an onerous chore.
Miki looked away and started the tea, wishing his sister wouldn't wear such skimpy nightclothes when they slept in the same room.
In the bathroom, Kozue yanked her brother's shirt from Yumi, brushed it off as though it had been dropped in the dirt, and hung it up carefully. Then she uncovered the bath. They may as well let the girl just get in, since they were going to put new water in tomorrow anyway. "Well, here it is."
"Thank you, Kozue-san." Yumi had observed the politics of politeness between students. The way they talked subconsciously came back to her.
Yumi's politeness surprised Kozue, who was making an effort to be rude. "You're pretty calm for someone who's 'been through something bad.'"
"What was bad?" Yumi stepped into the bath with caution, but still almost fell because she couldn't tell how deep it was. It was a traditional bath, very deep.
Kozue stifled a giggle. "You tell me. It happened to you, didn't it?"
"I'm...not sure what happened." She was fascinated by the motion of the water swirling back into place around her new body. The steaming water was very pleasant, and Yumi immersed herself. A moment later she splashed up unable to breathe.
Kozue jumped when she saw what was happening. "Are you trying to drown yourself!?" She wondered if she should let the girl drown, then thought that Miki would not be happy with her if she did. So she wrapped her arms around the girl's ribcage and heaved a few times.
Yumi spat out the water in her lungs, choking and sputtering until she regained her breath. "You fool," said Kozue.
Miki banged on the door. "What's the matter? Are you okay?"
"Oh, she's trying to drown herself," Kozue replied nonchalantly. "But I saved her. She's fine now."
Miki frowned. Was Yumi remembering, and despairing such that she wanted to die? He wished they could get Touga expelled, but there was no hope of that for the Student Council President. "Stay with her, Kozue."
"Okay, oniichan."
Sniffling from the tears that her choking had caused, Yumi turned nervously. She didn't like that word; there was something wrong with it, something simpering and annoying, insincere and hateful. No, actually, it wasn't the same word, but it was almost the same as... She would remember soon enough. But she had so many questions. Like, "Why can't I breathe in the water?"
Kozue stared. This girl was even stranger than she first seemed. "What? Are you serious?"
"Yes. Can't you breathe in the water, Kozue-san?"
"Of course not, no one can breathe underwater except fish. You make no sense. Where the hell are you from? What's the big deal with you showing up naked in front of my brother, eh?" Kozue leaned in, looking Yumi in the face. Yumi's eyes were vivid amber, her skin was pale like it had never seen sunlight, and her wet hair was the deep aqua color of one of those funny-looking computers. The perfect color for a funny-looking girl, Kozue thought critically.
"I was there first. I don't know how I got there." Yumi was unfazed by Kozue's malicious interrogation. She sat hugging her knees in the pleasantly hot water that came up to her neck.
Suddenly Kozue realized what made the girl so funny-looking. It was her ears: they were slightly elongated and slightly pointed, like that guy in that old foreign sci-fi show. Like the girl was kin to elves. "Where are you from?"
"I don't know."
"Do you even go to this school? I know I've never seen you before."
"Um...I just got here."
"What's your name?"
"It's Yumi."
"Yumi what?"
"Just Yumi. I don't have any more name." Where is Touga-sama? I want to be with Touga. But something kept her from saying that aloud.
"You're too weird." Too weird for my brother. You can't have him. But since Yumi was so weird, it was probably harmless to probe a bit. The girl wouldn't tell lies; she was definitely too innocent, or stupid. "Are you in love with my brother?"
Yumi looked up from watching her toes wiggle under the water. "No, I'm not in love with Miki. I love someone else."
A little smile crossed Kozue's face. She did enjoy playing match maker with other people. Probably because it meant less people to go after her brother. Yumi had probably come here in pursuit of her beloved; a lot of people did that. "Wanna tell me who?"
Yumi looked down again, blushing.
"Come on, I'll keep it a secret."
The girl was very shy about it. "Kiryuu Touga," she said, almost a whisper.
Before she could stop herself, Kozue burst out laughing. "You and the entire campus! If you want him all to yourself, you've got your work cut out for you."
Yumi didn't say anything, but looked sad.
"Of course, if you just want in his pants," Kozue went on, "that's practically easier done than said."
Yumi's blush deepened. "You do not know what I want," she said in the same shy, quiet voice.
Kozue blinked, and then snapped, "Quit talking like that. You sound like that stupid Himemiya."
"Sorry." Yumi sank lower and tilted her head so that only her face was above the water. "I have no friends. I have nowhere to go."
Selfish Kozue felt something rare: she began to feel sorry for the weird girl in the bathtub. Here was a lost, confused, funny-looking girl with a thing for the worst man-ho on campus (with the possible exception of the Trustee Chairman, who was engaged and was still a player). Things couldn't get much worse for a person, could they? Poor little weird girl. Kozue might even forgive her for letting Miki find her naked. The girl tried to breathe water, for God's sake.
Miki knocked on the door. "Juri lent some clothes. Can you take them, Kozue?" Kozue cracked open the door to take them, making sure her scantily covered breasts were in full view. But Miki was discreetly facing the other direction. "The toast's almost done," he said.
"Here, dry off and get dressed," Kozue said, nicely now that she was sure that Yumi was no threat. Maybe she could have a minion like Nanami's, that would be funny. Except they only took that job because they all loved Nanami's oniisama and Nanami was clueless; it wouldn't work the same way because for one thing she was smarter than Nanami. She put a towel down on top of the clothes and left the bathroom.
"Thank you." The water was nice; Yumi didn't want to get up. But Miki had made food. She really wanted to try food. Her stomach rumbled again to punctuate this ambition. She giggled at the sounds a human body made.
A towel. One dries oneself with a towel. She knew that; it wasn't like she had never watched Touga in the bath.
How had she managed that? What had she been before, seeing all these things without being part of them? She had been something else, something floaty and flighty. Before Ohtori, there had been a place full of laughter and crystalline lights. It was like...what did they call it?...a dream. But one devoid of meaning: nothing before Ohtori meant anything to her.
As she was rubbing her hair dry, she saw another person—no, that was the mirror. She'd never had a reflection before, so she gazed at herself a while. As far as she could tell, she had all the proper parts of a human girl. She saw herself with big golden eyes, rather pointy features including ears, tall and slender enough to be described as lanky, gangly, even awkward, and aqua hair that fell in messy layers to about chin level. Am I pretty? she wondered. She stretched and looked at her body's profile; there was not much in the way of curves. Maybe she would get more. How old was she supposed to be?
Well, time to get dressed. Miki had said these were Arisugawa Juri's clothes. Juri had been blessed with a much curvier figure than Yumi; the bra was therefore useless. She picked up Juri's shirt. It was the normal girls' uniform; it must be Juri's old one. She had seen girls (and boys, but that wouldn't help) get dressed enough times after encounters with Touga, so this should be easy.
It took her about five minutes, during which Kozue banged on the door to see if she was still alive, until she was sure it looked right. When she finally emerged Kozue said, "What did you put the uniform on for? Aren't you going to sleep?"
"Oh. Sorry." Yumi started to go back in to change. There had been another outfit; those must be pajamas, she realized.
"It doesn't matter. Please, sit down and eat." They led her to the dining room and Miki handed her a cup of green tea. "It's very hot," he warned her.
"Thank you very much, Kaoru- sempai." It smelled wonderful, earthy, so different than things she had been able to smell...before? She inhaled the scent deeply. And there was toast spread with butter and jam. That smelled new and wonderful too. What did the people say before they ate? "Itadakimasu." My first bite of food! she thought jubilantly as she started on it. It was absolutely fantastic. After the first slice, she copied Kozue's example and blew on her tea before sipping it carefully. It was rather bitter, but so interesting, she enjoyed that as well. She was so happy to be human, she could almost forget that she had a purpose!
Kozue was right, Miki realized. The girl's ears were kind of pointy. What did that mean? Probably nothing. The weirdest thing was that she seemed to be having the time of her life. Maybe she dealt with despair by pretending she was happy. He went to set up the futon; he would sleep in the other room tonight. After what had happened to her, Yumi probably did not want to sleep in the same room with a boy. But I probably won't sleep at all. Not with what I know.
Kozue had been hard- pressed to contain a laughing fit when Miki told her what he thought had happened to Yumi. As if Touga ever had to rape a person. Well, it wasn't funny, really—it wasn't a completely impossible situation. But Kozue had her doubts.
Anyway, rape victim or not, there was no way the weird girl was sleeping in her brother's bed. If Miki felt he had to leave the room tonight, he wouldn't be swayed, but she could turn this to her deranged advantage. "Poor thing, you don't want to sleep in a boy's bed. Take mine." Now she could sleep in Miki's bed and pretend he was there with her, like and not like they used to do when they were so young. Yumi was wonderfully clueless and compliant.
But before they said oyasumi, Kozue had to know one thing. "Yumi-san, were you with Touga?"
"No."
"Not at all?"
Yumi knew what Kozue meant, and someday she would be able to give a different answer. "No. He was never there."
Kozue paused, trying to make sense of things. Was she raped by someone else? "Were you with anyone at all?"
"No, I was alone until your brother found me."
So Yumi hadn't been raped at all, nor engaged in anything consensual. Her voice was too innocent to be telling lies. "Then why the hell were you lying naked on the floor of the piano room?"
"I fell asleep."
"How did you fall asleep alone naked on the floor!?"
"There was nobody in the room, and I had no clothes, and I was tired."
The weird girl was getting very exasperating. "Okay. How did you get to be in the piano room with no clothes?" Actually, that was a dumb question; it happened to Kozue all the time. Of course she usually had clothes to start with, but Yumi apparently hadn't, and that was the strange thing. If there had been a streaking, people would have heard about it, so what was the deal?
Yumi tried to think how to explain it. She didn't really know what happened herself. One minute she was something else, and the next she was human. That made no sense. So she answered honestly: "It wouldn't make sense if I told you."
Kozue sighed. "Well obviously. Hardly anything you say makes sense."
"Sorry."
"Whatever. Let's go to sleep. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Kozue-san."
Kozue's bed was soft and smelled of flowery perfume. The moonlight was gentle. Yumi soon fell asleep again, now warm and happy and full of hope.
Touga, younger, running frantically in a cabbage field. Some terrible dark figure chasing him.
Were they butterflies or moths? Butterflies or moths?
"That's what happens in cabbage fields!" cackled the small dark beings. "Perverts on the subway! Dark alleys! Prostitutes! Cabbage fields!"
A deep, powerful voice. "He has to use because he was used."
Taunting voices. "It's painful. But you can't get away. Shame, anger, despair. One hates oneself. One hates oneself."
She tried to go to him but she was trapped. All the beings were jeering at her, and her friends, they were jeering too. "He's a shadow. He doesn't deserve to be human any more than you do! The biggest man-ho ever! Casanova. Such a damn WHORE! You're pathetic! You're obsessed! You're selfish and jealous and insane! You want to interfere! You can't do that!"
"Oniisama! Oniisama!" Nanami's whining voice joined them. "I won't let someone like you have my brother!"
If she could only reach him it would all be okay. But she couldn't move. She couldn't defend herself, she couldn't get away. Her voice refused to form his name.
"I think we'll have to show you," grinned the imps.
Yumi screamed herself awake.
This startled Kozue out of sleep as well. "Whoa, what the hell! What!? Oh, did you have a nightmare?"
"What, what's going on?" Yumi was shaking. "Where are they? They were—all attacking me—"
"It was just a dream, dummy," Kozue mumbled against her pillow. "It wasn't real. Were you born yesterday or what?"
"Well, sort of."
"Whaaaat... Go back to sleep."
"It was scary."
If she makes oniichan come in to comfort her, I'll throw her out the window, Kozue thought drowsily. "Think of something happy."
Yumi began to think of Touga, but that reminded her of the nightmare, so she thought of tea. The warm earthy smell of green tea. She hoped that Kozue wasn't mad at her, but the other girl was already breathing deeply.
Okay, it wasn't real at all. I had my first dream, didn't I? While I slept! That means I'm human. With this happy thought, Yumi easily fell back into slumber.
She seemed fine; giving her over to the hospital would probably do more harm than good, Miki had decided. But no one knew who she was, so he had taken the strange girl (who appeared to admire everything on the way, from buildings to butterflies) to the administration this morning. That was a waste of time; they knew even less than he did. But Yumi insisted that she had nowhere to go and wanted to stay at Ohtori—that was odd, considering what had befallen her here. Miki made no mention of that to the administration, who were already being no help, and had her enrolled. As an all- powerful Student Council member, he could do that, and not even worry about the tuition fees: the Student Council had an absolutely ridiculous budget.
For convenience he'd given her a fake surname—Maigo, lost child. Because they still had no clues as to who she really was or how she came to Ohtori. She had no answers about her past, so Miki gave up on the interrogations for the time being. On a different note, Juri's old uniform was actually a pretty bad fit, so he asked Kozue to take her shopping after classes. The store that carried the school uniforms was downtown.
Kozue had offered to take her around the school because she needed a female companion to help her out. (In actuality Kozue just didn't want Yumi too far under her brother's wing, but Miki seldom guessed at his sister's ulterior motives.) Miki agreed that it was probably healthy for her not to be left brooding alone all day. Now Miki thought the girl looked high school age, but since they had no idea what previous education she'd had, maybe it was better that she started out in the middle school. So, trusting in Kozue's heretofore unknown compassionate side, he left Yumi in the care of his sister.
Now, in the dining hall, he saw Yumi thoroughly enjoying herself at the buffet. Kozue had saved a chair at a table within sight. Looked like things were going well for her. Maybe she would never remember what had happened. But he knew, and he had to figure out whether or not to bring it up at the Student Council meeting today.
Kozue had just finished telling her friends all about the weird chick. The first to offer an explanation was Chiharu.
"It's completely obvious, Kozue- chan! Practically all the signs are there—"
"Signs of what, schizophrenia?" said sullen Motoko.
"Nooo!" Chiharu slapped her forehead. "Duh, she was abducted by aliens!"
The rest of the lunch table cracked up. "All you ever talk about is aliens, I think you must be the only abductee around here!" laughed Rini.
Chiharu shrugged. "Could be."
Yumi put her heavily laden tray down then. "Hello!" she said with a genuine grin. Once out in public, she had proved to have an outgoing, cheerful, rather childlike personality. Except when she had seen Touga walk by, Kozue had noticed a complete switch; she at once became a lovesick moon-eyed thing like Juliet on the balcony. It was pretty intense, intense enough to stir pity. If Kozue had any doubt that Yumi loved Touga and not Miki, that was wiped out. So Kozue kept her word to not tell anyone, and instead stuck to the story that Miki had told her. He hadn't asked her to keep it a secret.
"There you are." Kozue introduced her friends. Then she told them that she was taking Yumi shopping this afternoon, and they happily discussed what fashions might suit her. Yumi didn't notice the subtle stares she was getting, so nobody brought up the funny-looking ears.
By the time Kozue and Yumi left to go shopping, news of the naked girl Miki found in the piano room had spread through the student body like a brush fire.
"I still don't get it," sighed Juri. "How did you manage to beat Tenjou Utena?"
Touga laughed gallantly. "Easy. She didn't want to fight her prince."
"Frankly, I didn't think you would convince her."
"People always believe what they want to."
"Not always."
Miki was still quiet, still staring at him with something between scorn and wariness, as he had been since the meeting began. "You're awfully quiet, Mickey. Why are you looking at me like that?" Touga had a good idea that it was because he had Anthy now, but he loved to tease the younger boy about his little crush.
Miki didn't answer.
"He found a naked unconscious girl in the music room last night," Juri supplied, with that cynical not-like-I-give-a-damn way she had of delivering crucial information. "He thinks you raped her." She opened her eyes and turned her head slyly to observe Touga's reaction.
He did have quite a reaction. He jerked back, paled, gasped, and stuttered for probably the first time in his life. "W-what? I would—never—do that."
Bip! went the stopwatch at 6:37.81. "Is that so?" shouted Miki, who took the violence of Touga's reaction for evidence of guilt, and was incensed by his denial. "Here you were telling Saionji-sempai how wrongly he was treating the Rose Bride, and you go and do this? You don't deserve to be the Student Council President! What terrible things are you doing to Himemiya- san?" Anthy, of course, was standing demurely and cluelessly beside Touga during all this.
"What's it got to do with Himemiya?" said Juri. Silly Miki had to drag his kagayaku mono into everything.
"I did not rape anyone!" Touga's voice trembled. Then suddenly he regained composure as though he had never shown any emotion at all. "Mickey, I'm hurt. Do you honestly think I would sink that low? I'm chivalrous, remember?"
The blue-haired pianist was not convinced.
"One would think," Juri remarked dryly, "that you're too busy with all the consensual stuff to even bother." Touga smirked and pretended not to hear, as he always did to remarks about his rampant philandering.
"Touga-sama wasn't in the music room at all yesterday," Anthy spoke up unexpectedly into the silence. "He won the duel, and then he was with me."
Miki stared at Anthy for a moment, taking in her words, then resumed his glaring at Touga. "Then why did she say it was you!?" he cried. Never mind about Kiryuu and Himemiya. Never mind that...
"Who said what was me?" Touga's voice now was faintly amused.
"The girl said you were the one who left her like that," Miki said through clenched teeth.
"Wishful thinking, I guess."
"Wishful thinking?!"
"Or else she's trying to create a scandal. Some people will do anything for attention."
"She tried to drown herself last night!"
"As I said, anything for attention."
"Did she really try to drown herself?" said Juri. "I saw her hanging out with Kozue today, and she looked quite cheerful for the victim of such an awful crime. My guess is that she's a little off mentally."
"Why wouldn't she be!?" Miki countered. "She wiped her memory blank. She wasn't even a student here, Kiryuu- sempai, where did you find her?"
"Find who?" Touga laughed incredulously. "I haven't the faintest idea who you're talking about!"
"It's a tall skinny girl with short aquamarine hair, and her name is Yumi," Juri informed him. "If you even remember names."
"Doesn't ring a bell. Besides, as the Rose Bride said, I was never in the music room yesterday. I think you must have the story confused, Mickey."
"I haven't confused anything," snapped Miki. "She said that you did it." The dark scene replayed itself in his mind. "Did Touga do this to you?" "Yes...that's right. It was Touga-sama."
"Did what?"
Miki opened his mouth to retort, then stopped. His eyes went unfocused as he realized that she had never actually said what Touga did, and he had never asked her. Well, "this" meant whatever it was that had left her naked and shivering on the floor! He said so coldly. "Whatever it was that left her like that! What else would it be?"
"Well, someone is lying to you," Touga replied evenly. "And it isn't me. You're a smart boy, Mickey; I'm sure you'll get to the truth."
Juri yawned. Like most of Ohtori, she seriously doubted that Touga had bothered to rape anyone. "Enough bickering already. Can't we talk about something else?"
The meeting returned to the usual idle speculations about End Of The World, and Miki resumed his suspicious glowering at the Student Council President. Wait a minute—how did Juri know about the entire situation? He had only told her the part about the girl needing clothes, not how he thought she'd gotten there...
CRACK!
It happens all the time at Ohtori Academy. You're just walking along, minding your own damn business, when all of a sudden, someone comes up and bitch-slaps you upside the head. Then they start ranting at you about some situation in which you had minimal involvement.
Usually you'll fall to the ground, but that has more to do with the element of surprise than the force of the blow. Whether or not you get up again and fight back, that's up to you, though sometimes it depends on the determining factor in your personality, introverted or extroverted.
But two days after you show up at the school is pretty early to get bitch-slapped. And right there in the dining hall, too? You must have done something pretty serious to get that sort of treatment.
Yumi was so startled, she fell over backward and took a chair with her. She had no idea of the rumors that were circulating, so she didn't really understand the ranting directed at her...
"What do you think you're doing, trying to ruin my Big Brother's reputation! Don't you know what a noble person he is? He would never do something like that to anyone—much less even look at a weird girl like you!"
That voice, that awful whining voice...high-and-mighty blonde arrogance... When Yumi saw who it was, she refused to take it down on her butt. "You, you damn whore, how dare you hit me!" She stood up and, jumping forward for momentum, shoved Nanami over into a table. Her minions gasped; so did Kozue and her friends. What kind of girl gave the Student Council President's sister her due?
"FIGHT!" somebody shouted, and a chanting crowd quickly materialized.
"As if I could harm your brother's reputation any more than you do!" Yumi shouted, her face contorted with fury. Kozue was amused. She had thought that Yumi's nature was to always be unnaturally cheerful. But every day it became more apparent that her true emotions emerged wherever Touga was concerned.
"Why you bitch!" Nanami had found a glass of water to splash Yumi.
They stood looking at each other with utter disgust and hatred for a split second, then clashed in a good old-fashioned catfight. The crowd went wild. Nanami's minions cheered for her; Kozue and Nanami's anti-fans cheered for Yumi.
They both had an equal will to fight, so it looked like it might be close, but it didn't last long. Touga appeared and called in his scolding voice, "Nanami!" The fight immediately broke up, and the crowd, groaning in disappointment, parted for the Student Council President.
"Oniisama! That totally uncivilized girl just attacked me!"
They had both released each other at the first sound of his voice. Yumi got one look at Touga, gasped, pushed through the crowd and raced off. She didn't want him to see her like this. She didn't want him to meet her in the middle of a fight. Especially not with Nanami. No, that wouldn't do at all.
Damn. Why did he have to show up then? She could have done so much to bust that stupid brat's ego.
What was that even about, anyway? She hadn't done anything to (or with) Touga-sama; he didn't even know her name yet. This was very confusing.
Her face had dried off with the wind of her running, but her shirt was still wet. And she hadn't gotten to eat lunch. She was very hungry. Maybe she could find someone willing to share a lunchbox. It was a nice day; there must be people having picnics. But she must be a sight, bruised and scratched with a soaking shirt.
Well Nanami was no better looking. Yumi had done serious injury to the brat's hairstyle and her nails probably still had bits of skin under them. There hadn't been time to get a good look at the spectacle she'd created, but she smiled at the idea of Nanami greeting oniisama with chunks of her face missing. Then her smile disappeared. Nanami was probably making her brother comfort her, in public. Hmph, that probably won't be the last time we meet, and next time I'll finish the job, Yumi told herself. She fights mean but I can fight meaner.
She heard quick footsteps and panting behind her. Miki had caught up. "Yumi-san!"
"Go away. I'm fine," she said without turning around. She actually would prefer that no one see her like this.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Please don't worry about me, Kaoru-sempai." Never mind lunch. She had to find a bathroom and get cleaned up before class.
She walked off, leaving Miki to catch his breath. He berated himself for not having warned Yumi about Nanami. Everyone knew that Nanami had the worst big brother complex. He should have talked to Nanami about... No, he couldn't have stopped Nanami. But he might have warned Yumi to avoid her.
And yet, Yumi had acted like she already knew Nanami. More than that. Yumi definitely had a genuine loathing for Touga's obsessive sister. "As if I could harm your brother's reputation any more than you do!" Although Yumi had only been here for two days, there was a clear rivalry. It didn't make sense.
"Wishful thinking?" Touga had suggested. "Someone is lying to you. And it isn't me."
The thought entered Miki's mind for the first time that perhaps Yumi was the one at fault. Had she really gone through all that for attention? No, that couldn't be right—her confusion had been real. But there was definitely something he was missing. Miki sighed, realizing he would have to talk to the girl and force her to confront whatever had happened to her in the piano room. No, Kozue should do it instead; they seemed to be friends already.
Fighting Nanami made Yumi even more of a celebrity than the rumors which Kozue had allowed to circulate, because people had actually seen it. Few dared to stand up to Nanami, and the very act of doing so immediately earned her both friends and enemies. She received several praises and threats from random people just on the way to class. News certainly travelled quickly at Ohtori.
Knowing Yumi hadn't gotten to eat, Kozue was thoughtful enough to sneak her a few onigiri, along with a note. Good for you! Too bad you didn't get to finish her off. But why did you run away like that? Have you even met Touga yet?
Thank you so much for the onigiri! Yumi wrote back. She had learned the kana writing in a matter of hours and kept picking up kanji more skillfully than she did food with chopsticks. No, I haven't met him yet. I didn't want him to see me all messed up like that.
Really? Kozue returned. But I'm sure he wouldn't have minded seeing you with your shirt soaking wet.
Yumi blushed and stuffed her mouth full to keep from giggling in the middle of class. Kozue-chan is ETCHI! she wrote.
What, like your prince isn't?
You heard Nanami. Don't you know what a noble person he is?
Now Kozue had to restrain her laughter. Anyway, do you want to go shopping again tonight? My brother said he's found you a dorm, so you'll want your own stuff.
Yes, I would like to. I want lots of music like yours. Kozue had made Yumi a fan of J-pop in no time at all.
The teacher called on Kozue then, and note-passing time ended.
When class ended, however, Kozue had an idea firmly in mind. "I know, Yumi-chan!"
"What, what?"
"You have to send him a love letter!"
Yumi's eagerness for Kozue's great idea dissipated. "But Kozue-chan, he must get hundreds of love letters. There's no way he would read it."
Kozue's expression was sly. "He might if you hand-deliver it!"
"Oh, no, I couldn't."
"Sure you could! I mean you wouldn't even introduce yourself, you'd just hand it to him and run away. Then he'd have to read it to see what you were all about."
"Wouldn't it be obvious?"
"He'd still have to read it. He's not like Saionji who just throws them out."
Unbidden, from somewhere forgotten, came images of violent Saionji slapping the tiny purple-haired girl to the ground, Touga showing up and holding back his raised hand. "True, he's not like Saionji." Images of Saionji and Touga tangled in the moonlight.
"Why are you blushing like that, huh? Are you thinking about what you're going to write?" Kozue grinned.
"No... I don't know what to write."
"It's a love letter, silly, you write whatever's in your heart. Well, you don't have to write it now; I'll help you out later if you want. You could get some pretty stationery tonight and maybe a candy or something too..."
"How would I get to him anyway, to hand-deliver it? He's always surrounded by all those giggly people."
"Oh, don't be silly, you just walk through them like they aren't there. But if you're that self-conscious there's bound to be a time you can catch him alone."
"He's never alone."
"For crying out loud, Yumi-chan, do you want the guy or not? You can't just wait for him to make a move, he doesn't even know who you are. You have to get his attention first!" Kozue almost mentioned that she had firsthand experience on how to be seduced by Touga, but thought better of it. After seeing Nanami nearly get mauled, she had no desire for firsthand experience on how to deal with Yumi's rivalry.
"Yeah, I guess." So she would write a love letter. Write? Write what was in her heart? She had no words. But she tried to think of some all through the rest of the school day.
By the time classes ended, she had bits and phrases scattered through her notebooks, but it would take work to put them together. Nothing sounded good. The words looked pretty on paper but they didn't mean anything. Maybe that was the point of a love letter, to look pretty. But in that case she should have a calligrapher do the physical writing of it. Maybe she could find one when they went shopping tonight.
After school Kozue found a note in her locker. There certainly was a lot of written communication going on.
Kozue, please talk to Yumi-san and try to find out what really happened to her the other night. We need to know the truth, and she seems more comfortable with you.
Your brother.
By the way, spreading rumors is really rude.
Kozue frowned. Rude! People had a right to know what was going on.
"What is it?" asked Yumi, her normal cheerful and curious self. Kozue's friends were just as curious.
Kozue's hand clenched and crumpled the paper. "Just a mean note. They don't know where your locker is, so they're threatening me."
"They who?" said Motoko.
"Nanami's stupid fans."
"Oh. What does it say?" Yumi still wanted to know.
"It's just stupid and mean. Don't worry about it. They're so wimpy they won't even tell us in person, much less do anything." Kozue stuffed the wadded note in her bag as they went downstairs, for the lobby's majesty was not marred by trash bins.
"They have every right to be wimpy. I would've pounded that bitch whore's face in." Yumi belligerently stuck her chin out.
The other girls nearly fell over laughing.
"What's so funny?"
"One just doesn't expect that from you," giggled Rini.
"You're so lighthearted," Chiharu added. "Except when..."
She trailed off, for no one was listening; Touga was passing by and everyone had to fall silent and drool, even though he was surrounded by groupies as usual.
Yumi made a tiny sound between a sigh and a whimper. Kozue and Motoko looked at her: the expression on her face was heartwrenching. Thoroughly confused, Motoko then glanced toward Kozue.
Kozue shrugged, pretending to be just as confused. She wouldn't tell anyone, but she couldn't help it if they figured it out for themselves. If Yumi didn't want anyone else to know she should try not to make it so painfully obvious.
So Miki wanted the truth about Yumi? He'd better not be taking to her... well, Yumi was getting her own damn place, and as soon as she got involved with Touga there wouldn't be any question of Miki going after Yumi. Anyway, he was partial to that idiot whore Himemiya, for reasons beyond Kozue's comprehension. So why should she help him find out anything? Well, the note said "we" and he probably meant the Student Council, so it wasn't necessarily his own desire to know; but she had no reason to help the Student Council either. Of course, solving Yumi's mystery might help with the match making a little. She might just find out for herself. Whether she would tell Miki was still up in the air. But who was to say that Yumi would tell, or that she even knew?
Before leaving, they had taken all Yumi's clothes that they had bought the night before over to her new dorm. Kozue had just helped her pick out a stereo and various appliances to be shipped there. Now Yumi was having enormous fun in the media store, as Kozue helped her select novels and music.
They were giggling at romance novels when Yumi's eyes lost focus; she was paying attention instead to the song playing at an ambient volume level.
Her expression became solemn. The song was so beautifully sad, full of emotion like nothing she'd ever heard...
"This song... What is it?" she said softly as it ended.
"Oh, this is 'Surreal' by Hamasaki Ayumi," replied Kozue. "She's not really one of my favorites but if that's the kind of sound you like let's go over here..." Having finished with cheesy books, they proceeded to stock up Yumi with Ayu CDs and assorted J-pop.
On the way out of the store she was singing that song quietly but with vigor. "...I can't tell anyone, I want to tell someone, that person is more important to me than anyone else..."
"Hey, you have a nice voice," Kozue exclaimed. "I bet you could be a J-pop star!"
"Really?" Yumi grinned shyly.
"Oh, yeah. You'd make a great idol singer." It was beginning to get dark; if she was going to interrogate Yumi while they were out, she should do it soon. Maybe it would work best over food. "Do you wanna get a bite to eat?"
"That sounds good."
"And then let's get some stationery for your letter. I know this cute café that's next to a gift shop, it's just a couple blocks over."
"Okay."
The song had definitely mellowed her out, Kozue thought. It must have struck her as relevant to Touga. Maybe they could use the lyrics in the love letter.
They had a light dinner, soup and salad and dessert. Over tiramisu Kozue began by asking Yumi what had struck her so about the song.
"The song? I don't know...it was just...the sound had such emotion to it. Like she was really feeling something deeply."
"Did it make you think of Touga?"
Yumi blinked and her fork paused on its way to her mouth. "Huh?"
"Well whenever he goes by your heart is written all over your face. You had a little bit of that same look when you heard the song."
"What do you mean, my heart written all over my face?"
"Just what I said. You have this totally lovelorn expression and... Well, if you want to keep it a secret you should work a little harder."
Yumi stared sadly at her plate. "Nobody cares anyway."
"You're probably right. That fool Nanami's already your mortal enemy." Kozue hesitated before adding carefully, "But it was weird how you acted like you already knew her. Had you met her before? My brother said you didn't go to this school."
"Well..." Yumi looked confused. "I did know her...somehow..."
"And the same thing with Touga. How could you have been in love with him if you'd just got here, like you said the other night?"
"Umm..." Every day it became harder to remember what had come before. Before she'd awoken in the piano room. But that was how she knew...
"Nothing you say about that night ever makes sense, Yumi. Can you tell me the truth about what happened?"
She could hardly remember but when she concentrated, it came back in a rush. "It doesn't make sense...because...I can't explain it..."
"What? You mean something supernatural?" This damn school gets weirder all the time, Kozue thought. "You know, Chiharu thinks you were abducted by aliens. Was it really something like that?"
"I can tell you, but it won't make sense. Or you won't believe me." Even with all the weird shit at Ohtori, humans were still generally skeptical beings. She was no longer sure herself if it was true; it felt like she had always been human, though she still remembered otherwise. Fragments of images, easily dismissed as dreams—but she had no memories of human life before then, so she knew they were real.
"Did it have anything to do with the Student Council? People say they're up to a lot of weird stuff, but nobody knows what..."
"No, it had nothing to do with the Student Council. It's just...going to sound very strange to you." If Kozue really wanted to know, she could try to tell her.
"Come on, what school do I go to? Not much can sound strange to us, let me tell you." Whatever it is, it can't be less believable than what oniichan thinks. She had to suppress laughter again at the thought of that silly conjecture.
"Okay, I can tell you."
"Well shoot already."
Yumi took a deep breath. "In the piano room that night, I became a human. Before that I was not human. I was something else."
Kozue gave her the most confused look she had ever given anything in her life.
"I told you it wouldn't make sense."
"Will you just tell the truth? Don't make up weird stories."
"I am telling the truth, Kozue- chan."
Kozue stared at Yumi for almost a minute. There was no reason to think that she was lying, except that what she'd said made no goddamn sense at all. Which was what she had kept saying all along.
"Well, if that's so," Kozue said finally, "what were you before?"
"Something that...I don't have a name for. There were more than just me... I can almost remember why we came here...but people couldn't see us or hear us. There are many, many unseen ones at Ohtori, but just a few like me—like I was. But I wasn't like them because..."
"Huh? Ohtori is haunted? That shouldn't surprise anyone."
"No, I don't think that's it. There are just different kinds of beings...that humans can't see or hear or feel."
"So you were one of them, but you became human." Kozue retained a healthy amount of skepticism.
"Yes. The unseen ones don't have souls. That's why they watch humans; beings with souls are unspeakably fascinating to those without. But I think I must have one now, because I can't turn back into what I was before."
"You were watching us?"
"Yes."
"So that's how you know Touga and—you fell in love with him before you were human?"
"Yes—I think that's how I became human."
"What?"
"When I knew that I love him, I became human."
"Ooooookay... What—then why in the piano room? You said he was never in there."
She flinched visibly as at a painful memory. "That was where I knew."
Kozue finished her dessert and sighed. "Okay. Tell me if I have this right. Before the other night, you were a being with no soul that humans could neither see, hear nor feel. You were with others like you at Ohtori watching us. But then you were in the piano room one night and you realized that you were in love with him, so you became a human being with a soul."
"That's right. That's all I can tell you."
"Well. I didn't think it was possible, but you've managed to tell me a weirder story than what's already going around."
"Huh? What's going around?"
Kozue didn't hear her. She was staring at Yumi, searching for proof of this bizarre story. The part about love transforming, that was believable, coming from this lovesick kid. But seriously...? Wait—there were the ears. They gave just the right subliminal hint of something beyond human, supernatural, magical even. "It is true! It must be why you look so elfin. You were like...a fairy!"
"Elfin?"
"Well your ears are kind of pointy... it makes you look a bit unnatural. You don't have magical powers, do you?"
"Um, not that I know of. What's this story that's going around?"
If Kozue could avoid telling her that, she would. "Oh, it's just stupid conclusions that people jump to..."
"Like what? Hey, it must be what made Nanami so pissed off at me! She said something like..." Yumi imitated Nanami's whiny, snobbish voice. "'Are you trying to ruin my Big Brother's reputation?' But what made her think that?"
"Well..."
"Tell me! What are they saying about me?!"
"People think you were already with Touga."
"But that makes no sense! He doesn't even know me! Why do they think that?"
Kozue shrugged.
"You do too know! I can tell! What the hell is going on?"
Her fear was that Yumi would fail to see the humor in the situation, but, finding herself cornered, Kozue tried to present it in that light anyway. Still, she didn't have to fake a giggle when explaining what Miki had told her. "It's actually pretty funny. See, my brother really has the story confused."
"And?"
"Well, he doesn't know you're in love with Touga, because when he found you in the piano room, he thought Touga..." It was so stupid. Again Kozue struggled to contain a laughing fit.
Yumi, however, was taking this totally seriously. "He thought Touga WHAT?"
"He thought Touga, who has the entire student body and most of the faculty at his lascivious beck and call, went and raped you."
The look on the innocent elfin face was priceless. Kozue couldn't help collapsing into laughter.
The fork fell from her hand with a loud clink and Yumi made a sharp, horrified gasp. "That is not funny!"
At the hurt clear in her voice, Kozue stopped laughing. "I'm sorry. But don't you think—"
"No! Who's saying that? No wonder Nanami— I don't want people to think that!"
"Ssh." Indeed she had failed to see the humor, and now Kozue had to calm her down. "Nobody really believes it, it's so dumb. Because everyone knows Touga has no need to do that!"
"But nobody will believe the truth either! What do I do?" Yumi was near tears. "We have to go tell Kaoru-sempai right now! He thinks that? How could he think that?!"
"It's okay, Yumi. These things take care of themselves. If you deny a rumor, you just give credit to it, so it's best to pretend they aren't out there. And that's one of the stupidest rumors to go around in a while. It's not even a rumor, it's more like a joke, it's so dumb."
"But Kaoru-sempai still thinks it's true!?"
"We'll fix that soon. Don't worry, he's not one of those people who won't admit when he's wrong. I'm sure he'll be glad to find out it isn't true."
"He'll want to know what really happened, and he won't believe that."
Kozue paused. Nobody would fully believe it. "It is a hard thing to believe," she said slowly, "but no reason for being asleep naked on the floor of the piano room would totally make sense. Truth is stranger than fiction."
"I guess." Although she had eased somewhat, Yumi's eyebrows were still knotted. She couldn't finish her dessert.
"Anyway," Kozue brightly changed the subject, "that isn't your most important task. How about the love letter?"
"Why are you sure that's such a great idea?" Yumi pouted.
"It's a way to introduce yourself. Come on, what have you got to lose with it?"
"He might think it's stupid. It'll sound stupid no matter what I write."
"No it won't, and the words hardly matter anyway. It's the point of it that counts."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course! Come on, let's get some stationery before the gift shop closes."
"Well... Oh, I was thinking maybe I should get a calligrapher to write it, so it really looks nice."
"You write fine! Your handwriting's cute." This was a fact: Yumi's writing had a childlike tone because she used mostly hiragana. Like her (usually) cheerful attitude, it had a naive charm. "Even if you don't think the words sound any good, it's more sincere if you write it yourself."
"Yeah, I guess... Okay, let's go."
"Do you want me to explain it for you?" Kozue offered after they brought the purchases back to Yumi's dorm. "I mean, if you don't want him to know about your thing for Touga I can make something else up..."
"I don't care who knows!" said Yumi vehemently. "If he thinks such an awful thing..."
"See, you're too upset. Just let me tell him." Kozue really didn't want to have to bring Yumi back to Miki because (a) she'd rather talk to him alone, and (b) she didn't trust Yumi not to beat the crap out of him for getting the story so confused.
"You're right," Yumi sighed. "I'd just yell at him, wouldn't I? He's been so nice and it's not his fault he misunderstood."
Kozue smiled, to herself really, but she made her smile compassionate for Yumi. "Don't worry about it. I'll clear it up with my brother and no one's even talking about that stupid rumor any more." Never mind that she'd spread it in the first place, but hey, she had amended that part with "and Miki thinks." People just tended to drop that sort of disclaimer when gossiping.
"Okay. Thanks." Yumi was staring at the leaf of elegant stationery in her hand. It had taken her over half an hour to pick something that almost came close to suiting him.
"Not a problem. Now! Let's see what you've got so far." Yumi had told her how she'd spent the latter part of the school day jotting down near nonsensical phrases.
They went through her notebooks, and within the hour Kozue was praising Yumi's poetic ability as Yumi herself tried to muster some sense of self-esteem over the creation.
It was only after Kozue left that Yumi added a slight modification, then sealed it and attached the carefully selected and wrapped chocolate truffle.
