DISCLAIMER : I Don´t own Firefly or any of the characters, they belong to Fox and the genius that is Joss Whedon

NOTES: Sorry, took me a little longer. Took me a while to figure out where this is going, but now I know where they will take  me. I hope you´ll like it.

CHIMERA

River felt agitated and on edge, she had been pacing the ship all day, apparently waiting for something. Simon wasn´t even sure if she knew herself what it was that she was waiting for. But ever since Mal, Zoe  and Jayne had left the ship, River had started to behave like a caged animal. Simon did not like it. She was mumbling to herself, shaking her head. He had approached her twice in  these past hours, to calm her down. She had looked up at him with a stern expression, hands stretched out, palms turned upwards.

" No, Simon .." she had said, softly but with very determined tone of voice, backing away very slowly.

" No drugs, no needles….not today!"

" But Mei- Mei……"

She shook her head again, looking straight at him with clear, dark eyes.

" No cures, not today……..I need to be here!"

Then she had just turned and walked away. And he let her...

Simon had to admit that he was at a loss. He did not know what to make of her behaviour. Did his Sister have another of those strange premonitions ?

Lately he had found himself wondering what it was that she saw…….demons, angels, the past, the future? He did not know. All Simon knew was that River saw more than all of them….she saw too much.

" They are coming back." Simon suddenly heard Wash´s voice over the intercom.

" Seems as though they did run into some trouble. From what the captain told me the buyers were ambushed and killed and their killers were waiting for them with no intention of paying or leaving without the medical supplies."

" Are they ok?" Kaylee yelled breathlessly

" Captain says it was a close call, but they´re alright." Wash answered.

Simon turned to look at River, wondering if she could have foreseen this, but she wasn´´t there.

River turned around and started running. She knew it wasn´t far, they had already entered the ship ……and Serenity was no too big. Still she ran as fast as her feet would carry her, every breath caught in her throat so that she had to force herself to inhale.

She wanted to yell his name as they came into sight, wanted to call out to him, but she had no breath to waste.

He must have heard her feet on the cold meta of the catwalk though, because he looked up the exact moment that River flew down the stairs. He turned around and his eyes met hers.

River just hurled herself at him, throwing her arms around him……still gasping for air.

 Jayne caught her with a grim expression on his face.

She had known …….somehow she had known!

Her little present might have saved all their lives today …..they had disarmed them, but for some reason they had not looked for knives.

He carefully readjusted his posture, moving back a tiny step to better support her body against him.

Neither of them were able to see the bewildered look on Mal´s  face  as he watched the events unfolding right in front of him.

River felt his arms wrap around her and closed her eyes.

She only wished she could finally shake the cold feeling of fear …..but it was still there.

They were back, they were alive! So why……why did the feeling grow stronger still, why did the screaming in her head become even louder?

" You are back." She whispered breathlessly.

" You got that right, sparrow.." Jayne answered roughly through gritted teeth.

 He knew this …..this happening right there and then was a recipe for disaster, plain and simple. But Jayne suddenly realised that somewhere along the line he had stopped caring if anybody knew….

" You needed the blade."

Jayne put his hands around her face. He needed to look into her eyes …..she had known, on some level she had known and she had tried to warn him…..to protect the three of them. The girl had tried to protect them! Suddenly Jayne found him-self wondering how many times she had tried to warn them before…….unbeknownst to them

" Damn right I did!"

If she hadn´t pushed him to take that ruddin ´ fancy knife, they could be all dead by now. They had thought it was a routine job…..a little dangerous, but not threatening. And they had been sure to have the upper hand ……he didn´t even think to take a knife, neither did Mal and Zoe. They took all those guns …….they thought it would be enough.

So here they were now and she had come running straight into his arms for the whole world to see. She had blown their cover once and for all and he couldn´t care less.

He looked over her shoulder to see the whole crew, including Inara, staring at them, mouths agape ……..not really able to make sense of it yet.

" Well, I guess the cat is out of the gorram´ sack now, ha?" Jayne whispered into her ear, wondering if she was oblivious to pretty much everybody staring at them in shocked silence.

Couldn´t be long now until Mal would pull out his gun…..

River turned around, her brow creasing up slightly as she caught the look on her brother´s face. She was rapidly developing a throbbing headache ……something was wrong and it had nothing to do with the admittedly complicated situation she had just gotten them into.

" I´m sorry !" she said softly …….and that was when all hell broke loose. Everybody started yelling and talking at once….

" What the hell….."

" Jayne ….what is going on?"

" Get your hands off my sister!"

" What are you doing?"

It was not exactly as Jayne had pictured it, but it was pretty gorram´ close. They all started advancing on the two of them, talking, yelling , gesturing . He couldn´t really make out what they were saying……he was pretty sure it was nothing too flattering though….

He stole a quick glance at River as she stepped to the side, taking his hand while she made a face.

He should probably say something, but Jayne knew that there was nothing he could say that would improve this situation in anyway.

River shook her head. It was all her fault, she knew it……she needed the confusion to stop. There was enough noise inside her head, she didn´t need the noise on the outside as well. The pain in her head grew so strong that she felt as if her skull would burst, soon she wouldn´t be able to discern between the voices screaming inside her head and the screaming that was going on all around her.

 She could  see  the hurt and worry in Simon´s face, the puzzlement in Kaylee´s eyes and the anger that was building up inside the captain ……she could hear their thoughts like a persistent  whisper through the noise. River tried to push all the overwhelming emotions away from her……she could not give in now.

If she lost control, all would be lost…..and yet there was this nagging, malignant voice that had started to consume all the other voices in her thoughts. The voice that told her that she was missing something,  that she needed to listen…….that there was something else. She could feel the fear inside her wallowing up, squeezing her insides, twisting them into tight, cold knots.

Jayne felt River squeeze his hand and turned to look at her. She looked as though she was in pain. It was plain to see that she was loosing it.

Gorrammit! Just what they needed right now…her freaking out on him! They would blame it on him for sure……and he could see in her eyes that she knew it too.

" Can´t …"

She shook her head taking another step backwards. Jayne could see the panic in her eyes, but he knew there was nothing he could do.

Simon saw it too, because he walked over briskly, reaching for his sister.

" What are you doing to her?" he spat at Jayne.

" Not him …" whispered River, lifting one hand to her forehead, squeezing her yes shut in pain.

Then she looked up at Simon, searching his eyes. She was going to loose this fight, she could feel it, the fear became so strong, making her so weak that she couldn´t breathe ….her eyes grew wide as she finally realised what was happening.

" Stop!" She screamed at the top of her lungs and everybody stopped talking at once, but  River collapsed.

 She didn´t even feel her legs buckling as she lost consciousness. It was as though somebody had turned off the lights. River crumpled to the floor without a sound. Everybody stared at her in shock, as she started convulsing.

" Oh my god!" Mal could hear Zoe´s voice next to him.

" We need to get her to sick bay…..what is happening?" Inara added softly.

Jayne didn´t think, he just gathered her up from the ground, staring at Simon.

" Get your hands off her, this is all your fault!" The young doctor hissed.

" You want to carry her?" Jayne ground out angrily?

" Loosing time here!" Mal said stepping between them, shooting Jayne a withering glance.

" Put her down here." Simon said his back towards the crew, as he went threw several drawers in the lab, while Jayne carefully as not to hurt River, laid her down on the gurney. She was still shaking all over.

That gorram girl …..knew the future, knew every ruddin´thing that went on in his mind …..one would think that she would know when bad things were gonna happen to her!

Her eyes were still open, staring at the ceiling, but Jayne could see that they were completely blank, not focusing on him or anything else around her……it scared him more than he would ever tell. She looked like a doll, not like a girl…..

" She´s not here…." He whispered, putting one hand to her cheek. Suddenly aware of the rest of the crew standing in the doorway, staring, he pulled his hand way.

Mal stared at him, stonefaced.

" Go to your bunk, I´ll talk to you later!" he said dangerously calm.

Better not to argue with him now, Jayne thought to himself, though he hated abandoning her like this. He did feel guilty……what if this was his fault?

What if she stayed like this ?

He felt as though he had somehow failed her ……she had managed to get him into one of these situations again, where he had to come to term with his feelings …again. How he hated those.....

Mal was kind of surprised as Jayne just walked by him with a distant look on his face, avoiding the stares of his fellow crewmembers.

" Let me know …..if …..I need to know, ok?" he whispered before he went and it took Mal a few seconds to realise that he was talking about River ……if she was going be okay.

River looked around. She found herself standing in a vast desert-valley. The sand beneath her feet was black, as were the rocks and the mountains she could make out on the horizon. It was dark, there was no moon in the night-sky, no stars……the only sound was the howling of the  wind.

She did not recognize the place, even though she was quite sure that it was inside her mind, now that she had lost control.

How did she get here?

" You need to listen to me now!" The demanding voice sounded strangely like hers and it seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

" Who are you?" River whispered confused. She had never seen this place before. She had never created a place like this in her mind.

" I am you………I am your future. I am everything you will become."

River shook her head.

" No , you are not a part me. I don´t recognize you. You were not here before, when I began ……you were not here in the beginning!"

" I am here now. I will never leave."

River looked at her feet thinking. Everything came together very slowly and River understood ….finally it  had dawned on her. She could feel her breath catch in her throat.

" You come from the dark place. You were born there, ……you are no part of me! You were forced upon me!"

" I was never born. I am here now, part of you now. The potential was always there …."

" No!" River returned calmly.

" You don´t belong to me…..you are on your own. You have no speech, no voice, so in order to speak  you have to steal mine. You have no name but the one I have been given……without me you would cease to be. You cannot exist without me, inside my mind. If you would disappear, I would still be………but if I die, you will be extinguished."

" I will not let you die ……that´s why I brought you here. You have been ignoring me ……ignoring the danger, the signs. You left me no choice, I have been waiting for so long, biding my time…..but our time is running out! You need to see, need to tell them about the things that are coming. You want your friends to survive, don´t you? Let me show you ….."

River regained her consciousness with a gasp, her eyes blinded by the bright lights of sick-bay. She could see her brother´s worried expression and the captain staring down at her torn between shock and curiosity.

She drew a ragged breath, trying to focus but found that she couldn´t. She felt her lips move, but no words came out. There were no voices left, just the one that sounded like her own. It was yelling at her ……..trying to force her to react, to say ….it wanted to speak. It wouldn´t let her talk, it wanted control and it wanted it now.

River realised that she was unable to move her hands or feet. A chill ran down her spine, Simon must have strapped her to the gurney.

Oh god, what had she done this time….she couldn´t remember.

" Simon.." it was nothing more than a hoarse whisper, her mouth was so dry.

" It´s ok Mei-Mei……you had a seizure. You will be ok …."

She shook her head, trying not to cry. This was wrong, so very wrong …now that she knew what they had done to her, now that she understood she needed to explain to him.

River looked around franticly. Kaylee was standing in the doorway, her face a mask of sadness and worry, the captain and her brother on both sides of her gurney ……she couldn´t find Jayne anywhere.

" I  need to sedate her." She could hear Simon tell Mal softly. " If she stays this agitated she might hurt herself or trigger another seizure."

" You know what caused this?"

Simon gave Mal an angry look.

" You really need to ask me?"

Mal frowned. Sure…that thing with Jayne and River…whatever it was that he had seen….. had shook him up pretty good. But somehow he doubted that it had anything to do with this. He was gonna have words with Jayne, that was for sure…..try to get to the bottom of this.

River felt the sting of the needle and started crying out of sheer frustration. She needed to tell him, but she couldn´t and now …..she was lost.

" It´s like a cocoon." She finally whispered as the drugs started to affect her.

Mal gave Simon a look.

" What she sayin´?"

" A cocoon.." River repeated looking at him, while tears trailed down the sides of her face.

" Waiting for the beautiful butterfly to break out of it´s shell…..to sparkle and warm his wings in the sunlight."

Rivers eyes fixed on Simon. She could not make the right words come out, she could hear it, still she hoped he might understand. Her face contorted as though she was in pain.

" But there is no butterfly, no butterfly in there……just this thing, this dark, ugly creature…..this horrible thing!" she added breathlessly.

Simon put his hands on her shoulders, but River would not calm down. She shook her head.

" River.."

" No! No…..you don´t understand! I am the cocoon and there will be no butterfly! It has been sleeping in me, deep inside …..hidden, sleeping  and now it has enough of waiting! It wants out! It wanted out for a very long time. It shrieks and screams and whispers lies to me….telling me it is time to put my arms down. It´s the autopilot and it wants to take over for good, wants out of the cocoon ……out of it´s shell. Piercing through me to gleam in the darkness …and ….and if I let it…..I will be gone. No more River ….just this unnameable thing! That dark, black, shiny thing that has no name other than death and obedience!"

Like it? Sorry I know the ending is very abrupt ….I will hurry with the next chapter!!