DISCLAIMER: I don´t own „ FIREFLY" , all characters belong to Joss Whedon and Fox , so please don´t sue me. I have nothing you might want.
The only reason I have to write this is because this brilliant show got cancelled!!!
Notes:
Sorry, it´s kind of a bumpy ride right noe and I´´m fully aware of this. Just bear with me a little longer. It will all be explained…..
Thanks for the nice feedback, it´s always appreciated!
TEMPEST
„ How is she?"
" Sleeping for now. She came to for some time…said some really weird things, a lot actually though none of it made sense to me or our good doctor. He gave her something to calm her down, knocked her out for the rest of the night."
Mal closed the hatch to Jayne´s cabin behind him and watched the tall mercenary shake his head.
" Those gorram drugs never did any good for all I know…" he met Mal´s stare, realising that the captain had most likely not come to discuss River´s current condition.
He was slipping up……and it was her, all her …..he had never behaved like this before that ruddin´girl came along! And now she was lying there all pale and sick and there was nothing he could do…….he had never felt this powerless in all his life and Jayne hated it!
"You seem to know a lot of things about River…."
Jayne shook his head, eliciting a bitter laugh.
" Believe me …..it´s the other way around."
He returned Mal´s impatient glare, crossing his arms in front of his chest, mimicing Mal´s stance.
" And now….?"
" Now you´re gonna explain to me what the hell it was that I saw this afternoon …..with all the hugging…..what in devil´s name is going on between you and River? And it´d better not be what I am thinking …"
" How am I supposed to know what it is you are thinking?"
Jayne shot back evasively.
He vividly remembered the looks his crewmates had given him…..somewhere between shock and disgust. Even he could figure out what they were thinking…..hell, he knew what it looked like! He would have probably thought the same! And he hated it …..it felt bad, dirty and he didn´t like that feeling …..that was not what this thing was about!
Mal lifted his eyebrows at him.
" Oh you ruddin´well know what I think! And it´d better not be that, because…That´s just …"
Jayne shook his head again.
" It´s not what you think!"
" Good"
" At least ….not like that. What do you take me for , ha? And don´t you think I didn´t see the looks on all your faces! Is there anything in this ´verse that you don´t think me capable of?
In fact I think that whatever is going on between me and her is no business of yours…..not the doctors, not yours…."
" Jayne…" Mal hissed dangerously
" She´s just a girl who doesn´t know what she is doing! You better tell me that you did not lay a hand on her.."
Jayne shot him a defiant look. This was not gonna go down well.
" Give it a ruddin´rest Mal! I never touched her in any way that was .." he stopped to rephrase.
" Well I guess I did but not in that way……well, maybe a little.." he fell silent, remembering how it had felt to kiss her, feel her breath on his throat, her fingers roaming over his back.
" Alright ..that´s enough!"
Mal said angrily and Jayne snapped out of his reverie.
He held up his hands in a gesture of resignation.
" You don´t understand!" he yelled.
" Oh….. then by all means Jayne, enlighten me , cause this is something I would really like to understand!" Mal yelled back.
" Wish I could, but most of the ruddin´time I don´t get it myself!" Jayne confessed a little calmer.
This was just great! It wasn´t enough that he had to come to terms with his feelings for her, now it seemed that he even needed to discuss at least a part of that with Mal!
"About two weeks ago I was working out in the cargo- bay when she showed up, said she could not sleep. She started talking to me and I tried to ignore her but ….she managed to draw me into this weird conversation."
Mal still looked at him, he was not quite sure if Jayne was dishing up some idiotic lie or the truth. But the concern he had seen on his face when River had collapsed seemed genuine, it was still there for all he knew. And no matter how immoral the mercenary could be, Mal was more than sure that he was not that bad a man. If he were, he would not keep him on the crew…
"Remember when she talked to the cows and how you said that what she said made perfect sense to you?"
Mal nodded hesitantly, not sure where this was going.
" That´s how it was ….sometimes she sais that she just cannot make the ruddin ´ words come out right, but if you listen ….you get what…… her meaning. Next thing I know she comes to my bunk, sais that whatever it is that makes her act strange …..it is gone when she is near me."
He shook his head again, looking at Mal with a very serious expression.
" She can be a completely different person Mal! From then on, there was not a gorram thing I could do! She just kept seeking me out ….and …she may be weird but she ruddin´well knows how my mind works!"
He grinned almost against his will.
" There was not a thing you could do? " Mal asked, still angry
" We are talking about a crazy girl here, Jayne! What are you, twelve?"
" What do you suppose I should have done?" Jayne growled.
Before long he would have to admit that he liked her and enjoyed being with her …..he was still worried about her. This was so not good!
" Well, sent her back to her brother for one?"
Jayne snorted. If the situation were not so tense he would have laughed out loud.
" Oh …you don´t think I tried that? Have you ever tried to reason with her, Mal? `Cos I´d sure as hell like to see that! That ruddin´girl knows what she wants and she does not take no for an answer! You cannot win with her, she has a ruddin´answer to everything!"
Mal furrowed his brow.
He didn´t know if he like what he saw in Jayne´s face, but it irritated him a lot. There was more than simple explaning going on here.
The way Jayne talked about River was …..unlikely for him.
Mal wasn´t quite sure, but a part of him was willing to bet Serenity that there was true affection and some kind of grim pride in his voice, when he talked about River.
" Her brother thinks you took advantage of her……"
This time Jayne couldn´t keep from laughing.He threw his hands up and turned around.
" Mal, I think the good doctor better get comfortable with the thought that his sister is not the little girl he sees everytime he looks at her. She shoots people, she knows things nobody should know, she can put Vera back together in less than ten gorram seconds. Believe me, River will do whatever she wants. I should know!"
He sat down on his bed, looking Mal in the eye.
" I don´t know what the hell these government creeps did to her at that place, but from what I can guess after the little tour she gave me through her mind……it had at least to some extent to do with mind control. The girl doesn´t like to be controlled……..they must´ve messed with her head pretty bad and now everything that reminds her of that…..she´ll not take it.
River may be a little crazy, but I know now that the ruddin ´ girl is not insane. Except for the fact that she keeps that keen interest in me …."
Mal laughed almost against his own will.
" I know it´s hard to believe ….can´t believe it myself most of the ruddin´time, but she sought me out. I told her to get the hell out of my bunk, every ruddin´time I turn around …there she is!"
Mal looked at him seriously. This was new…..and very unsettling. Jayne actually tried to convey something to him, not quite sure how to put it in words and Mal wasn´t sure if he could keep on open mind about it.
Jayne let his head fall into his hands. This thing between him and her …whatever it was, it had started to affect him. And now this feeling was turning him inside out and he did not know how to deal with it.
" You are not weak!" she had said so determindly …..why did he feel so frustrated then?
Gorrammit! He wanted to hit something, kill something ……
" I don´t know."
He finally admitted without looking at the captain, who was leaning against the wall opposite to him. He could feel Mal`s stare, but he did not look up.
" It´s all her , Mal…..that gorram girl did something to me. I don´t know what……She makes me feel all kinds of weird and now everytime I see her I ……I can´t not feel …something.
When she looks at me with those ruddin´ knowing eyes of hers and she smiles …..something inside of me just….melts."
Mal could feel his brow creasing up as he listened. He had never heard Jayne talk in such manner and it unsettled him beyond compare. He almost found himself wishing he could start a fight.
" Do you even have the slightest idea what that sounds like Jayne?" Mal said calmly after a little while, raising his eyebrows. He was still not completely sure what to make of all this.
Jayne shot him a withering glance as he stood up, baring his teeth in an unhappy grimace.
He felt really embarrassed now, things had slipped out and now he could never take them back. But what was the alternative? He couldn´t go around with all the others thinking he was a disgusting pervert!
" Yeah, I ruddin well know, so don´t say it! `Kay?" he growled, meeting Mal´s eyes.
The two men stared at each other for a moment, until Mal came to a decision.
" Okay…"
" So you believe me?"
Mal scratched his chin.
" I honestly don´t know what to think about this. First you try to rat her out, than you compete with her in reassembling our entire weaponery….I have to talk to River ….if I can make sense of what she is saying, but …." He hesitated " ….I believe that you wouldn´t try to hurt her….anymore"
Jayne nodded. That was good enough for him, as long as …
" Can I see her…?"
" I think you might have to take that up with our doctor."
Simon was nowhere to be seen when Jayne entered sickbay, but Kaylee stood over an unconscious River, smoothing back her hair.
She looked up as he walked in, the expression on her face torn between confusion and grief.
" Oh Jayne…" she muttered, " What have you done this time?"
On a different occasion her words might have set off an explosion, but to his own amazement Jayne did not feel like yelling anymore. He was tired of defending himself, he hadn´t done anything ….and he never felt good about yelling at Kaylee anyway.
None of this was her fault.
" Give it a rest, will ya´.."
Kaylee wrinkled up her nose in confusion.
" Did Mal …?"
" We talked…..where is Simon?"
Now that was strange, Kaylee thought. That must have been a very interesting conversation indeed if it led the Captain to allow Jayne out of his bunk…..which inevitably led her to the conclusion that, whatever Jayne had told Mal must have been pretty convincing. And it also ment that Mal had to believe that, whatever business it was that Jayne had with River, it had not led to her current state.
Kaylee was not quite sure what to think of this new development. She had her very own ideas about what she had seen in the cargo-bay and she was not sure how she felt about that either…..but if Mal believed Jayne that was good enough for her. She had faith in Mal and had never doubted his decisions. She was not gonna start now.
" Oh ..Simon, he went to fetch something…"
Now Simon was not going to like this. Kaylee knew what Simon thought about all this. Still, no matter how much she liked the young doctor, she could not quite bring herself to side with him……now there were a lot of things that she would not put past Jayne, but ……the way he had put his arms around River had not looked like a violation to her.
Finding Jayne here in sickbay, realising that Mal must have, at least for the time being, decided that the mercenary had not comitted any crime, would upset him beyond compare.
" Why don´t ya go get him…." Jayne said slowly.
" `Kay.." Kaylee said with one last look at Jayne´s reserved facial-expression.
For what must be the hundreth time in the past few days Jayne realized that what he was doing was not like him at all. Him, standing there, staring down at her dainty form, moving the back of his hand over her smooth cheek. She was so fragile and yet so incredibly strong and filled with determination. Once that ruddin´girl put her mind to something, she would stubbornly pursue it….and for some insane, inexplainable reason she had set her mind on him.
And now she was gone…..lost in her own mind, nothing for him to do except stand on the gorram sideline and wait…..and Jayne hated every second!
He had never been the patient kind. He had never been much into self- restraint and waiting was something he just couldn´t do. He was not used to being helpless!
Jayne Cobb`s solution to every problem was very direct and usually involved – at least to some extent- physical violence.
When he needed to come to terms with something he usually worked out to clear his head. In a conflict he never hesitated.
Before he had met River he had seldomly doubted himself or his actions, much less felt regret for things he had done…..until now, until River.
That gorram´crazy girl! There was something she had seen in him. Somehow that tiny slip of a girl had brought out another side of him, a better side. The way she looked at him with those deep, dark eyes had filled him with the desire to be a better man, if he was ready to admit that already or not….
And now …..he could lose this, he realised.
Whatever this strange connection between them might turn out to be, he would be damned before he would give it up without a fight. One ruddin´hell of a fight he could put up……but so could she, he knew that from what little experience he had in dealing with River.
Jayne smiled grimly.
This girl vexed him like nobody could, she might even drive him a little crazy , but gorramit…..he liked the way she made him feel!
Gingerly Jayne took her cold hand in his, giving her slender fingers a gentle squeeze.
Hell….for once in his life he wished he knew the right words. He was not good with sentiment, but then again …she knew that too.
So he just held her hand in both of his.
" Gorramit River!" he said in a very low tone of voice " You better get back here ruddin´soon, or there will be hell to pay, I promise you!"
He realised himself how harsh his whispered words sounded, but he didn´t know how to better express his feelings…..and she knew him, she´d understand.
" Come back to me." He thought.
" Don´t you touch her, you …" Simon franticly searched his mind, but he just couldn´t find the right words to describe what he thought about Jayne. He could not believe that the captain would let him get away with …..he was not entirely sure what that man-ape had done to his sister.
Gorrammit, now Jayne really had enough…..this had been a very bad day and he had never been a very patient man. It was a miracle that it had lasted him so long, that ruddin´girl must be wearin´off on him!
He gave the doctor a good shove and turned around to face him.
" Stop it!" he told Simon dismissively.
" All of this …..this is not about wether you like me or not, this is about her! She is fighting some kind of battle in her mind, it takes so much out of her! Gorrammit, you are her brother…..her doctor, you should see it! But you are too busy…trying so hard to fix her! It´s like you don´t even see that even though she acts all crazy and confused all the time, there is still a girl inside of her."
Simon felt his hands turn into fists so tight that his knuckles became white. He put the additional blanket he had brought for River down.
" What do you know…" he spat out, glaring at Jayne.
" She is not just your ruddin´patient or your sister!" Jayne shot back angrily
" That much I know! She is a girl who wants things…there are things she needs despite her condition and believe me ……your sister is quite articulate when it comes to conveying that!
I know you want what´s best for her. You want your sister back the way she was, now that I can understand but …..gorramit! Sometimes you need to look beyond all that, y´know."
" She is sick, I ´am trying to help her !"
" She may be sick , but that does not mean that she does not know…….hell, that girl knows what she wants! Made that clear to me in no uncertain terms! You can´t always protect her from what you think she needs protecting from. What she thinks she needs, River´ll go and get it , one ruddin´way or the other!"
Simon walked over to one of the compartments where he stored the medical supplies. He had to put some distance between himself and the mercenary or the urge to just take a swing Jayne would overwhelm him. Simon was still furious, but he had enough common sense to know that he was no match for Jayne.
" And you think you are something my sister would need .." he asked icily.
" Didn´t say that."
" But you implied it …..apparently the thought must have crossed your mind."
Jayne squinted at the young doctor, shaking his head. They were siblings alright….Simon Tam was about as stubborn and vexing as his sister could be.
" No…." he slowly answered, trying to remain calm. At this point Jayne felt that he didn´t really owe Simon any explanation. Bad enough that he had to reveal some part of his troubled feelings to Mal earlier! Getting touchy-feely with River´s pompous ass of a brother did not rank very highly on his agenda…..but still …..Jayne needed to say something or there would be more trouble for him…… until River gained consciousness.
" Actually I´m still ruddin´far away from thinking that I could be anything that your sister might need." He growled.
" But for some reason she seems to have other ideas. S´not like I haven´t tried to push her away at first, but she can be very persistent. Maybe you should get used to the idea that , no matter what you do, your sister will never be the sweet little girl again, that your family sent off to that…. place."
Jayne leaned across the gurney to look into Simons eyes. The doctor returned the scrutinizing look, unflinching.
" She has been through a lot, seen things…..even if you manage to find a ruddin´cure, that ordeal will have left a mark."
Simon still stared at Jayne as if he were pondering the things that had been said.
" Is psychology part of your mercenary skills now?" he finally said.
Jayne ground his teeth, stealing a glance at River…..the same faint lavenderscent that still lingered on his pillow…..
" Doesn´t change a thing." Jayne returned, slowly taking a step backwards.
" I know you love your sister. You gave up a perfectly comfortable life to save her…..but you need to stop seing her as broken. The gorram´girl has so much strength in her ….whatever they did to her at that ruddin´place, they couldn´t break her. She´s not broken, she´ll find her way…"
" How would you know?" Simon asked dangerously calm, staring daggers at Jayne. How dare that ….. how dare he talk about his sister as though he knew her. River would never socialise with a man like that …..
" Obviously I know a side of your stubborn sister that you haven´t encountered yet."
" Well, she can´t tell us, can she?" Simon yelled angrily " ….And even if she were conscious, most of the time she does not make sense! How very convenient for you!"
" Now listen up, doc." Jayne hissed warningly, looking straight into Simons eyes." I may be a lot of things. I may be a self-serving bastard with a lack of manners and conscience, but I don´t molest women. I don´t rape …..and I sure as hell never touched your sister in any way that she would have considered unseemly. I ruddin´well know that you and most of the crew think that she is in no condition to decide that sort of thing, but I did not take advantage of River nor did I abuse her in any way. I wouldn´t hurt her…..not anymore."
" And you just expect me to take your word for this?"
" Now might be a good time to interfere, captain.." Zoe whispered, giving Mal a questioning look. She was not entirely sure why they were secretly watching Jayne and the doctor, but she was sure that Mal had his reasons. That of course did not mean that Zoe understood his reasoning.
" No." Mal whispered back from the tiny alcove the two of them were squeezed into in order to better spy on the events in sickbay. " I wanna see how this plays out…"
" It might play out in one of them punching the other." The tall woman informed him with a cocked eyebrow. " Now why did you let Jayne out of his bunk again?"
" He didn´t do anything."
Zoe gave a dismisse snort.
" Didn´t look like nothing to me!"
" Yeah, but she ran towards him …..that made me think, you know. There is something going on here that we are missing and until I know what that is, we´ll have to keep watching."
" Innocent till proven guilty?" she asked.
" I know it´s a frightening thought Zoe, but this one time I think that Jayne might indeed be innocent!"
Zoe furrowed her brow.
" Maybe he was brainwashed…"
In the darkness of the alcove she could see the captain shooting her a mocking look.
" Well …he was holding her hand just then …that is strange, right? And so far he hasn´t killed Simon, not even tried to hurt him! And I don´t think I have ever heard Jayne utter so many words in such a short time…."
" See ….strange things are happening, that´s why we need to find out what exactly is going on!"
They both turned their heads towards the sickbay again, as they heard some kind of commotion. Both Jayne and Simon had jumped back from the gurney.
With a violent gaspRiver regained consciousness.
