Disclaimer : Serenity and her crew? Not mine! Never were, never will be …….
NOTES: So here goes another chapter , more River/ Jayne as I promised . As well as some things that needed to be said!!
TRUTH BE TOLD
There was no gasping this time, no violent struggle for breath……..River just opened her eyes, blinking a few times to get accustomed to the harsh lighting.
Turning her head very slowly she could see Jayne, his back turned to her, his hands raking through his short hair. Her brother was also there, slumped on one of the chairs where sleep had finally overwhelmed him.
Quietly she sat up, waiting but the nausea did not come. No feeling of sickness, no vertigo, no screaming voices…….
River bit her lip to keep from crying. For the first time in a very long while she was completely clear and together, there was no struggle, no focus needed…….it was not entirely real, she knew that. The other thing was still there, in her mind …watching, moving behind her eyes. It was a truce, not winning the battle, but for now it would suffice…..it had to be enough. It had to be!
For a second she closed her eyes to revel in the almost forgotten feeling of clarity. No more fog, no storm raging inside of her, her mind and feelings were calm like the silvery lake she had been floating in just moments ago.
Carefully she swung her legs over the side of the gurney, wincing from the pain her cramped muscles caused her.
Jayne whirled around as if to face an enemy. She knew it was out of sheer reflex, years in the line of his profession would trigger this reaction in most mercenaries, most likely even Zoe and Mal…….it made her giggle a bit.
He relaxed as his eyes met hers, staring at her in amazement.
" River?" he whispered. It had been so long since he had gotten an hour of sleep that Jayne didn't trust his eyes anymore. He was not sure if he really saw her or…
" I'm fine !" she said softly " It´s ok!"
He shook his head, approaching her slowly.
After all that´s been said about her and that ruddin academy place, Jayne had to admit that her sudden recovery made him a bit weary.
River read his thoughts as though they were an open book. She creased up her nose and laughed out loud. She could see Jayne´s eyes narrowing at her behaviour and laughed even louder.
" What´s so ruddin´funny?"
" You…." She answered simply, smiling at him like a contented cat.
" Jayne…it´s me, really!"
He nodded, impulsively rushing forward to pull her into a tight embrace.
" Gorrammit girl, don´t you ever pull a stunt like this again….understood?" he hissed into her hair.
River nodded, breathing deep. She loved the way his arms felt around her, so hard and strong.
" Or there´ll be hell to pay, I presume?" she said with a smirk.
Jayne stepped back a little, his hands on both sides of her face to look her in the eyes.
" Heard´ that, ha? Ruddin´hell…….no matter what we tell ya not to do, you never ruddin´listen, but the moment I start talking some mushy crap like a lovesick mooncalf you perk up your ears, even if you happen to be unconscious..!"
Jayne couldn´t help but grin, he was still embarrassed but the joy of seeing her alive and well drowned out all other feelings.
" The power of selective hearing…" River countered, grinning as well.
" Scared us all pretty good, you talking of Reavers ……you really saw that or was it just …?"
He could see from the way her face fell as he brought up the subject that it indeed had to be true.
" River.." he suddenly heard Simon´s voice, still raw from sleep, " River , oh my god….." he almost fell out of the chair in order to get to her.
Jayne´s hands fell to his sides and he stepped backwards, though his eyes were still fixed on her. She returned his intense gaze, before turning towards her brother.
" It´s ok, Simon. I´m ok!"
" Well …we´ll see about, won´t we? I have to fully evaluate your medical status!" he said earnestly, putting a hand to the pulse on her wrist.
For a moment Jayne pondered the possibility of just throwing a punch at the young doctor that would send him back to the land of dreams. Much to his own dismay he decided against it. It would only get him in trouble with Mal ….and River, who seemed to have interpreted his facial expression the right way, also mouthed an obvious " No" in his direction.
Now that he came to think about it, it had looked more like a " Not Now" than a simple
" No".
As Simon started busying himself with all kinds of medical procedures, all the while asking River a whole boatload of questions which she stoically answered with yes or no, she searched his eyes again.
" Jayne….I think you should get the captain." River finally interrupted her brother's constant stream of questions.
He nodded, even though he didn´t really want to go. There was something he still hadn´t figured out. She was different, that much he could tell……but he wasn´t quite sure what had changed. And right now, Jayne realised he´d be only to happy to just stare at her until he found out what it was.
River shot him a quick smile. Reading his thoughts made her all fuzzy inside again, she could feel that warm feeling spreading through her system. In the background she could still hear the thoughts of the rest of the crew, like the rustling of leaves. Her brothers thoughts were racing through his mind, tumbling like an avalanche…..he was so relieved that she had woken up.
Jayne´s thoughts were different…..like him they were straightforward. In her mind his presence was like a big, solid rock…..
River smiled again, nodding him towards the door.
" I´ll be fine…." She mouthed. Jayne nodded again, finally turning around d to make his way into the mass.
" Simon ..stop!" River said softly when they were alone.
" I need to ……check your vitals, everything ….maybe draw some blood I ….." He looked up from what he was doing, staring at her.
" Simon …..it´s alright. I´m alright …please stop!" She gave him an assuring smile.
" Oh God, River!" he finally whispered, drawing her into a tight embrace.
" It´ll all be alright"
" Yes , it will be …" River closed her eyes for a second, relaxing in her brothers arms. It would be okay, no matter at what cost. She would see to it, it would all be okay.
Simon stepped back, relieved to see his sister in this clear state of mind. He hated to upset her again, but there were questions burning in his mind …….
" River…" he put his hands around her face, looking into her eyes. " ..there is something we need to talk about."
" The Reavers…" she sighed.
" No …yes, later but first there is something else. I need to know if he hurt you….made you do things ….."
River felt her forehead crease up slightly, for a moment she did not understand what her brother was talking about.
" Who?"
" Jayne." Simon said seriously, his eyes fixed on his sister´s face.
Finally River understood.
" No!" she told him loudly, pushing him away a bit.
" No, Simon….you don´t understand! He didn´t do anything…it´s me, all me!"
Simon let his hands fall to his side. River hated the hurt look on his face. She did not want to hurt him, shatter the picture he had of her , but there was nothing she could do.
" What do you mean it was you? It can´t be you….how could you? You don´t have the capacity, you are sick! You are in no position to decide …."
" He is part of what made me better…"
" Oh …is that what he told you?" he yelled at her.
River crossed her arms in front of her chest.
" He never told me anything except …."
" Except what?" he asked, fuming.
She looked into his eyes.
" Except that it was not right! He knew it would get him into trouble. He knew nobody would understand, that you would be like this…..he knew!" River reached out to her brother, giving him a pleading look.
" I came to him , Simon! Something about him called out to me and I tried to hold on to it, because it made me feel better, It is not his fault!"
Simon stared at his sister, completely bewildered. For the first time since he saved her from the academy she was completely clear…no stammering, no riddles, no confusion ….
" But River ….." he finally said " …how could this happen …he is an ape!"
River laughed softly.
" He may be crude and obnoxious at times, but …he gets me. He saw something in me that no one else could ……and I understand how his mind works. He may not have our education, but he is not stupid or cruel……."
" My god River, please don´t tell me you are in love with him!"
" I don´t know…" she whispered honestly.
" How could you even consider .."
" You know better than that Simon. That´s not how things work! You don´t love someone by choice! You love them because they touch a part of you that no other could reach …."
He had intended to just tell Mal and bring him back to sickbay, but once the others heard that River was conscious and most likely in a clear state of mind, they all tagged along.
Now they all stood or sat gathered around the gurney River was sitting on.
She had been talking for about an hour. Explaining about the voices, her weird behaviour and the deal she had struck with that creature the experiments had created in her mind. She did not know how they had done it, if it had been their original purpose……she did not remember what they had done exactly ……there were still so many questions she could not answer.
She could see in their faces that they were bewildered and amazed by her recovery, but some of them were still unsure about trusting her.
Jayne could tell that there were things she held back, he did not know how, but there were moments when you could see it in her face.
" So …what about the Reavers?" Mal finally asked.
River looked at him, frowning.
" They are after us, you got that right…..a few days behind. They have been tracking us ever since you escaped them the first time ….they are angry.."
Mal shot Jayne an uncomfortable look.
" So which way do we go? Wash will set a course in the opposite direction and then…."
" I´m afraid that´s not how it works captain.." River interrupted carefully.
" I can tell you a course that will put a few more days between us, but they will catch up to us eventually…."
" That´s mighty comforting!"
" So is there…. like anything you don´t see?" Kaylee whispered spellbound by the idea of being able to look into people´s minds.
Mal stared at her, shaking his head.
" So ….Reavers, ha?" Wash said with a look at his wife, who was gnawing her upper lip. "That´s not good , is it? I mean that´s really, really bad, right? Even Jayne is scared of them!"
" Am not!" Jayne spat out, even though he knew everybody could tell he was lying.
The fact that he had to stifle a giant yawn didn´t help either.
" Alright , enough of this …all of you go get some sleep, if we want to outrun them, or maybe get rid of them I need all of you to be on top of their game…so go get some sleep!"
Mal ordered in a tone of voice that left no ground for discussion.
One by one they all left the room. Inara threw a worried look over her shoulder that Mal caught, making a mental note to drop by her shuttle later in order to talk these events over with her. As he turned around his look fell onto Jayne and Simon.
" That goes for you too! I need both of you and you haven´t slept in a long while!"
" But Captain …." Simon argued " Someone needs to take care of her…"
" Doctor, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but it seems as though your sister might be able to take care of herself. You two are no good to me if you keel over from lack of sleep, now get out! I´ll stay and have a nice chat with River!"
Jayne knew better than to argue with that. He was feeling a mighty bit tired and he knew that there were things Mal wanted to talk to River about.
" So …" Mal said as they were finally alone " Wanna tell me the truth about that deal?"
He watched River scribble a bunch of numbers on a piece of paper.
" That is the course you should set, it´ll put more distance between us and the Reaver-ship."
She explained.
" I need to know the truth you know…."
" I know…." She looked at him, sighing
" She´ll not interfere as I told you, I can´t tell you everything now….I´m not ready yet. I will not put any of you in danger, I promise…."
He nodded. This was something he could understand, there were things he was unable to talk about too.
" I need to be sure, River. This is my ship, my crew…."
She nodded. " I understand."
" And that thing with Jayne is …"
" None of your business!" she stated with a smile.
" All you need to know is that he would never….he never did anything inappropriate to me. He did not lead me on or take advantage of me …..you have to believe me."
Mal searched her face for a while, stifling another yawn.
He knew he needed to get some sleep himself; there were just so many things he needed to clear up …..
" We are safe for now." River told him eerily.
He wasn´t quite sure if he could trust her. His instincts told him that River did not pose a threat, it was the other thing he needed to worry about. How long would this little girl be able to keep the monster in check, which was evidently prowling through her mind?
They needed to come up with a plan.
" You sure?"
" I don´t know how I know these kind of things captain, I´ll not lie to you about that. There are a lot of things I seem to be able to do, and there are a lot of things I know ……I don´t know how, but know them. Among those things is that there are no other ships around right now, no alliance, no Reavers …Serenity is safe now."
He nodded, squeezing her hand for a second.
" You may want to get some sleep to….." Mal said, sitting up.
" You sure you are ok?"
" I haven´t been this okay in a very long time. You don´t need to worry about me."
She told him as she hopped off the gurney, reaching for some fresh clothes Simon had left for her.
Mal watched her.
" Now where the hell do you think you will be going ?"
" To bed, same as you…."
Mal cocked an eyebrow at her.
" Why do I get the distinctive idea that it´s not your bed you´ll be going to…?"
Jayne was not quite sure what woke him up. A sound, a peculiar feeling….he sat up, swinging his legs over the side of his bed, all the while squinting into the darkness. It might have been the sound of the hatch opening and closing.
" Who´s there?" he called out, though a part of him already knew the answer to that question.
" It´s me …River."
" I know who me is…" Jayne growled, looking around the room for some article of clothing. He could not see her, but he was only too aware that he was only wearing briefs and that was not a good idea with her around. Where the ruddin´ hell had he thrown his trousers?
Then she lightly stepped into his vicinity. Jayne couldn´t help gaping at her.
She looked completely different. Her hair was pulled back into one long, big braid that dangled down her back. She wore some sort of white shirt and a pair of leather trousers that hugged her slim hips. River smiled at his obvious bedazzlement.
" Why do you look like this?" Jayne asked suspiciously, his eyes wandering around his bunk. Due to the darkness he could make out only a few items around him and something told him that beyond them, there was nothing…..
" This is not my ruddin` bunk , now is it?" he breathed.
" This is another one of those gorram dreams …"
River nodded simply.
" You were asleep , but ….I …..I wanted to see you , I….."
How could she make him understand? After all the things that had happened in the last 36 hours, after all the trouble she had caused him …..
" So why do you look like this ?" he asked again, not quite sure how to play this.
He did not know how to react, how to behave. He was still embarrassed. He wanted to see her, talk to her …..but he was at a loss. Things had changed….
River took another step towards him, bridging the distance between them carefully until she stood directly in front of him and he had to look up to her.
" I wanted you to see me, the other side of me. Not just the stammering, scared girl …I wanted you to see me like this. I can be a fighter."
Jayne shook his head in amazement, cocking an eyebrow at her. He knew they should be discussing other matters…the Reavers, the Alliance, the deal she had apparently struck with the devil……but this …..
He took his time to take her all in, the new appearance which he guessed was part of the illusion in this dream….he had to admit he liked it.
" Ruddin´ hell River!" he said, laughing involuntarily.
" I knew that already, girl! I may be a little slow on the uptake when it comes to you and me, but…"
He lifted his hand to her face, cradling her soft cheek.
" You´re a trooper, I got that much. Ya´ don´t give up no matter what the odds. You ´re a fighter and gorrammit,….. you don´t have to look like this for me to know that!"
His hand moved to her neck, lingering there while his grin grew wider.
"Though I sure as hell like what you did there, wearin´those ruddin´leather pants, darlin´..!"
"Thought you might like that." She admitted, returning his smile.
" Sure do, no question there…."
To his surprise River moved forward, straddling his lap, her arms around his shoulders.
She tilted her head to the side, looking into his eyes. Jayne became painfully aware that he was almost naked.
" You shouldn´t …." He told her.
" Lotta things been happenin´ around here …..you probably…"
" I missed you." She said calmly, touching his face with one hand.
" Simon won´t like this." Jayne said, ignoring what she said.
She could hear a tint of anger in his voice, but she did not understand. Of course a lot of things had happened, but with all those things she had thought that he would be happy to just be here with her.
She did not want to think about those things now, about the past, the future, …..she wanted to be with him…
" It´s not up to him." River explained fiercely.
" What is wrong …?."
"Wrong? Gorramit everything is wrong …..the Reavers, you bein´ trained by the alliance to be who knows what, the crew …..everything… …"
River shook her head, searching his face.
" That is on the outside, I don´t want to talk about this know ….all I did all day was to explain! Now I am done with that, I´m still River…..I still feel for you, nothing has changed about that. I´m tired of talking things through…..right now all I want to do is be with you. This is between us, it has nothing to do with any of this!"
" River …this is a ruddin´dream!" Jayne burst out exasperated.
River got up from his lap, looking at him for what seemed to be forever until she slowly nodded.
" Time to wake up then!" she whispered.
More Soon ..I promise !!!
