DISCLAIMER: I don´t own Firefly or any of the characters ..yadayadayda……sue please don´t sue me because my only crime is being a big fan of this brilliant, but untimely cancelled show !!!
NOTES: Thanks again for all the nice feedback! I really appreciate it and it helps me keep on track…when I started writing this I never dreamed of progressing this far ….Chapter 14 ( I still can´t believe it!)
COME UNDONE
For a moment River wished she could just go back to sleep herself, just snuggling even closer to Jayne …….she swallowed hard.
" Are you ready?" she could hear the other thing whisper in her mind.
" We are running out of time!"
" I know!" River answered defiantly, angry to be chastised by that thing.
Jayne´s hand moved so swiftly that River was captive before she realized what was happening. She felt his strong fingers slide into her hair, up all the way to her scalp. She turned her head, to look into his face. He was still sleeping.
With a relieved sigh River released the breath caught in her chest. He could not wake up yet …..she needed to move.
Very slowly River tried to untangle herself from his body, careful as not to wake him in the process of wriggling free from his embrace.
Without making a sound she pulled her abandoned clothes on and climbed up the ladder.
The only thing perceptible about the small girl as she moved along the abandoned corridors was her own erratic breathing. It had not taken long to come up with a plan; the crux of it was the time she would be needing. Time was of the essence…..
Her first stop was sickbay. River did not even turn on the lights, she knew where Simon stored the things she needed.
He had locked the drug- cabinet as any responsible physician would. River smiled while craftily picking the lock.
Her wonderful, careful brother and his principles ….what would he be without them?
They even kept him from pursuing what he secretly wanted.
She knew that in his thoughts he liked to pretend that he had no hidden desires, that all he cared for was River´s health and safety. She also noticed the way his eyes sought out Kaylee, when he thought that no one was paying attention.
It was the same way Mal would look at Inara……..the way Inara stole looks at the captain, there was not as much passion in Simon´s gaze. He was to guarded for that.
River shook her head in order to clear her mind and focus on the task at hand.
She pulled up three syringes, just to be sure.
Then she went towards the flight –deck. Wash was the only person awake, flying the ship.
River had felt him waking up. She approached him slowly, injecting him with the sedative.
He felt the sting to his right upper arm and turned around. River hated the expression of shock and surprise on his face when his eyes fell onto her and he came to understand what she had done.
" River?" he gasped, his vision already becoming hazy.
" It´s ok ….don´t be afraid. It´s only a sedative, it will make you sleep for three to four hours."
" What?" she could see his eyelids fluttering.
The drug´s effect was immediate, that´s why she had chosen it.
" I´ll reduce Serenity´s speed and activate the autopilot. It will be okay….just relax."
By the time she finished the sentence Wash was already unconscious.
River started manipulating the controls, pressing buttons to prepare her departure.
In front of her brother´s cabin River took a moment to inhale deeply. She hated doing this, hated every bit of it, but she needed to make sure that the people she cared for were safe.
Simon was still sleeping when she entered his cabin. She sat down on the bed next to him, just holding his hand. In his sleep Simon was relaxed, smiling even and River wished she had enough time to visit him there on his dream-plane and explain herself. But she had already lost too much time talking to Mal ……
River pressed her lips to Simon´s forehead.
" I love you, Simon!" she whispered into his ear.
" You saved me from the dark- place, but you could not save me from their monsters…..I have to do that myself."
After that she took his forearm and inserted the needle. His eyes snapped open immediately.
" What are you doing?" he rasped, his voice raw. He stared at her, then at the syringe.
" Oh god, River what …..?
River pressed his hand till he blacked out.
What would have to come next …….River dreaded most of all.
That which cries " Thus thou must do, if thou have it;
And that which rather thou dost fear to do
Than wishest should be undone……
River did not know why all these memories came crashing down on her now ….threatening to bury her like an avalanche. She remembered Simon reading the play to her, verses that he then thought a little girl couldn´t understand….that she´d take any excuse to spend time with her big brother. But Simon had been wrong …..the little girl had understood all to well …..
Jayne opened his eyes to find River moving around his bunk. He felt a predatory grin spread over his features as he crossed his arms behind his head, watching her graceful movements.
When exactly did she get dressed again?
River could feel his eyes, the hairs on the back of her neck started stirring. She couldn´t help turning around, giving him a smile that mirrored his own.
" Watcha´doin, lil ´sparrow?" he said.
She didn´t answer, instead she sat down on the edge of the bed looking straight into his eyes.
Slowly, with a patience Jayne felt he didn´t really have, but that he desperately wanted to keep up, he drew her nearer until her forehead rested against his. River´s eyelids fluttered shut. She allowed herself to surrender to the feeling inside of her, allowed him to pull her closer still until her head come to rest on his chest, her cheek on his collarbone.
Jayne buried his face in her hair, inhaling as deeply as he could, battle hardened hands moved over her soft shoulders.
He knew there was something wrong, he could feel it. Something was troubling her and he just hoped that it had nothing to do with …..last night.
" You , ok?"
River lifted herself up, looking at him again. She could feel …..knew what he was referring to and smiled.
" Yes .." she nodded.
" But there is something else I …..I need to tell you. I need some of your things ..I …."
Jayne furrowed up his brow, then he felt a sharp sting on his arm.
" What?"
His eyes followed the sensation and he could see the needle, the syringe….
" What the gorram´hell…..?" he looked at River again whose brown eyes were rapidly welling up with tears.
" I'm sorry .." she whispered, reaching out with one hand to caress his face…..the way she had done that first time in cargo bay.
" I´m so sorry …."
Jayne blinked violently for a few times, fighting against the fuzziness that threatened to overwhelm him.
So this is what that felt like …..what it must have felt like for her to be sedated.
He tried to lift himself up, but found that he couldn´t.
" Why are you doin´this, River?"
" I need to save us ….." her face was a mask of pain, tears streaming down her face.
" I need to take a few of your guns, I´ll try to bring them back to you …but…..the captain will know what to do…… when ….."
She breathed in deep, trying to get a hold of herself.
" I need to go …I´m so sorry!"
" Where….."
" I need to take care of …"
Jayne was still fighting against the effect of the drug, it took a toll on him ……but her meaning slowly dawned on him……the preposterous thing she was doing.
" No ..River, ruddin´hell …no!" he gasped.
" It´ll be ok" River whispered into his ear, leaning her forehead against his again.
" I promise…….no power in the ´verse…. remember?"
" You can´t …."
His words sounded slurred in his own ears.
She smiled at him sadly, pressing her lips to his cheek.
" I will……it´ll be okay. I will be fine……they gave me all these abilities and all the knowledge, but you made me a fighter, Jayne. You made me see……and I want to thank you for that, for making me a fighter."
She could see he was slowly loosing consciousness, still fighting against the sedative, like she had known he would. She hated the idea of him thinking that she was betraying him, but it was the truth….she had tricked him.
" I´m sorry!" she breathed again " I had to …you would not have let me go ……but this is my fight, not yours or Mal´s …..you made me strong."
River stood over his bed for a moment, staring down at him. She had gathered up the guns she wanted to take, one of his knives too. She´d leave Vera behind ……she could not make herself take it. Her heart was aching.
She did not know if they would understand. She could only hope……there were still things to do before she could leave.
She could feel Mal stirring, he´d wake up soon.
River took one deep, shuddering breath. Suddenly knowing what the writer had wanted to express, what the woman was supposed to feel ………remembering Simon´s low reading voice….
Come you spirits, that tend on mortal thoughts,
Unsex me here;
And fill me , from thje crown to the toe , top-full
Of direst cruelty!
