DISCLAIMER: The Characters are not mine, they belong to Fox and the genius JOSS WHEDON………I only borrow them
NOTES: Hui ……. As promised the new chapter is up! The next one will be finished this week-end! Thanks for the feedback!!
The Quote in this chapter is from ALICE IN WONDERLAND
INSIGHT
„ Oh god …River!"
Simon´s shocked outcry pierced the eerie silence inside the shuttle, as he fiercely squeezed by the three of them to get to his sister. He dropped to his knees next to her, turning her onto her back.
For the first time Simon and Jayne experienced exactly the same emotion, they both felt like they couldn´t breathe ….all this blood and River lying there so still…..
" I´ve got a pulse!" Simon uttered, while he brushed River´s tangled hair out of her face.
" She´s alive!"
" It´s not her blood!" Jayne whispered hoarsely.
She was alive ……
Zoë closed her eyes, she could almost feel the relief wash over all of them.
Even River´s face was covered with droplets of dried blood, her eyes were wide open, pupils dilated and seeing nothing.
Jayne´s hands bunched into fists again, his knuckles white from the pressure.
" We need to get her to sickbay immediately!" Simon´s voice almost broke from the strain to keep his feelings in check.
She was here, his baby sister …..safe, alive, or so it seemed. Even though he cradled her in his arms, she seemed to be far away from him.
" She´s catatonic ……I need to examine her …I need to help her."
Mal hadn´t said anything. He couldn´t …..it felt like the whole picture in front of him was frozen. All he saw was her ……the young, frail girl covered in blood.
And he knew what she had done…….at least he was pretty darn sure that he knew.
If this was not River´s blood it had to be Reaver´s blood……….but River had not done this, the other thing had.
She had let it take control …….and once it had taken over, there had been only one way to stop it.
She had shut down again.
" Kaylee can not see this!" he finally said coolly.
" You don´t tell her a thing …I don´t want her worrying…neither her or Inara, understood?"
He looked at Jayne whose face betrayed none of his feelings as he bend down to scoop the unconscious girl up in his arms. For a second he thought that Simon might protest, but then the young doctor nodded and hurried to set up everything he needed in the lab and let the mercenary carry River to sick-bay.
" You´ll need to clean her up first!"
Mal turned around to find Inara standing in the entry of the shuttle. Her face was set in a determined look as her eyes met his. Both Simon and Jayne must have rushed past her, Mal cursed inwardly ….
" Tell Wash to start the engine and get us out of here…." He told Zoë, who shot him a worried look , " …..and we´d better seal of the shuttle!"
Inara nodded towards Zoë as the tall women passed her, her eyes still fixed on Mal.
" How much did you see?"
" Everything." She answered, her voice neutral and controlled. The years of training paid of even in the most pressing of situations.
" I didn´t mean for you see that."
" I gathered that much …."
She hesitated a moment before she took a step towards him. She could see from expression of his face that he already had enough things on his mind.
After what she had just seen, Inara didn´t feel like giving him a hard time for trying to patronize her.
" I think you are right." Inara told him " Kaylee should not know ……she´s worried enough as it is …..she does not need to see …" The young mechanic would find out soon enough.
Mal lifted an eyebrow at her, obviously surprised.
" You think I´m right? Well that´s definitely a first!"
She gave him an ironic smile.
" Don´t get used to it!"
" So ……"
" I meant what I said ……someone needs to clean her up, wash all this blood off her."
" You volunteering?"
" Better me than her very anxious brother …" Inara answered his question, before she turned around to follow the others to sick-bay.
River looked up as the door opened with a creak and light fell into the empty room.
Sitting in one of the corners, her knees pulled up to her chin, River almost felt like acting out some old fairy-tale or children's story….the kind her daddy used to read to her when she was a small child.
" I´m not crazy!"
" But you have to be .." the Cheshire- cat said , " ….otherwise you wouldn´t be here!"
She shook her head angrily, staring at the opening door.
This was no children's story, this was her head , her mind …….and she was done being Alice, confused and frightened, stumbling from one crisis, one catastrophe into an even greater one!
She squared her jaw, staring at the other thing as it entered the room, still looking like a reflection of herself.
" A nice predicament you´ve gotten us into again, little sister!" it said testily.
River knew it was referring to their current condition…..her shutting down again until only the life-preserving bodily functions remained; breathing…….
It was the only way that could have gotten the thing´s attention once it had taken over. It would have not stopped out of it´s own accord……
" You didn´t think I would let you get back on Serenity with you in charge of this body, did you?"
River said as she got to her feet.
" I will not let you use the lives of Serenity´s crew as pawns in your game to establish control! This is between you and me …….it has nothing to do with them!" she added angrily.
" Still so suspicious" her mirror image hissed at her, taunting her while moving closer.
" After everything I´ve done …."
" You did what you had to do to prevail, the Reavers were as much a threat to you as to me or the crew. We would not have survived this if we had not caught them by surprise."
" Maybe so …I still did it for us, for you and this is what you call thankfulness?"
River shook her head.
" No …I call it self-preservation "
" You and them ……you´d be dead if it wasn´t for me!"
River gasped as she tapped into their shared memory………flashes of what had happened on the Reaver-ship made her squeeze her eyes shut. What she saw was enough to make her stomach turn ………the short images chilled her to the bone.
She forced herself to open her eyes and stare at the thing´s face, her face ……cold and still like a mask.
" I wouldn´t have been in this situation if it weren't for you! Neither me …nor the.!" River yelled back, all the anger and grief she felt flooded her voice, so that she almost chocked on her own words.
The thing tilted it´s head to the side, mimicking River´s gesture perfectly and looked at her with something like curiosity in it´s dark, cunning eyes.
River breathed heavily, trying to control the rage boiling inside of her. She knew that was what caught the things interest, the emotion…….the flood of raw feeling that radiated from her. She could see fascination in it´s eyes, a distinct clinical interest and she couldn´t help but feel a deep rooted satisfaction.
It might be in her head, but no matter what happened……..her feelings were her own, something it could not imitate or influence, not even understand. It could take over her body, but it could never be her.
" I know what you did!" she finally said as they started circling each other.
"I know about the messages you sent. After all this is my mind, you are only the parasite, the invader! I know you sent to messages while you were in charge, before you set off the bomb……I just haven´t figured out to whom …yet, the alliance I guess."
The thing hissed at her maliciously, baring it´s teeth.
" You betrayed me first, sister!" It returned very calmly.
" You used me, don´t think I don´t know that! You told your captain about me……we share a memory, but just like you, I don´t see the whole picture. I have no way of discerning what exactly you told him, but it doesn´t matter anymore. I will deal with that once I´m done with you!"
River shook her head again. The truce was over …….whatever they had shared for that short moment before the attack had evaporated into dust and smoke. The connection she had felt with her nemesis on their common ground was gone.
" No…" she whispered almost sadly.
" This will end now…..the line will be drawn here! You know that I cannot ……I will not share my mind or body with you!"
" I don´t want to share ……." It returned matter- of- factly.
" Ahhh…… but yes, not just your mind, but your body too………it´s a weird thing, isn´t it? You didn´t mind sharing your body with someone else, I can see it in our memory……..the fighter.."
" He is no concern of yours!" River told her mirror-image coldly.
The thing nodded, baring it´s teeth again in the mockery of a smile.
" You are right ………we have talked long enough, it´s time for you to go!"
With a speed and agility that surprised even River the thing rushed forward, catching her unprepared.
She could feel the thing´s fingers gliding into her hair, grabbing her. She felt searing pain as her head was pulled back violently.
" Time for you to leave me, little sister!" it whispered softly into her ear before it pushed her through the open door.
All River could do was scream …..
